Post/Author/DateTime	Post
HyperVyperBeam 11-25-04, 11:04 PM	OK, so as a few of you know, my dragon just loves food. He can't live without it. In fact, he loves it so much so, that he has a score of 22 in craft: culinary arts. But this mass of ranks and bonuses, such as skill focus culinary arts, has been going to waste due to my dragon's lack of hands, and basically every other real means of cooking food. Ever since my dragon signed up to be a paladin, the church has been trying to figure out ways to stop him from adventuring, as he keeps messing everything up. This is not good for their reputation as an institution of righteousness and competence. It turns out that when he received the Calling, it was actually meant for the party's cleric of Justice. To the church's misfortune, my dragon answered the phone instead and never delivered the message. As a lawful institution, they didn't have a taksy backsy policy, so they were stuck with a gluttonous wisecracking, haughty and thoroughly unreliable dragon of a paladin. But in a masterful compromise, the church granted my dragon a small plot of land which he has decided to use to start up a new restaurant. He feels that the best way to avoid food is to totally immerse himself in it to the point that he becomes sickened by the mere thought of it. Naming the restaurant was as simple as pie. Being a copper dragon, he decided to name it The Copper Dragon, in honor of himself of course. Not being a fire breather, he couldn't simple roast the food. He had to get resourceful. He commissioned the creation of a Wok +1 of Greater Acid Resistance. Unfortunately, such a powerful item doesn't come without its costs. He ended up spending 67,151 gold pieces on it. He figured that the price was worth it because this was the absolute finest piece of cookware money could buy. The investment would eventually end up paying for itself, and he could pass it on to his children when he retired as reigning Iron Chef Champion for 52 consecutive weeks. The Wok proved to be useful even before he set out on his cooking expeditions. On the way back from picking up the Wok, he and his companions were jumped by a drunken group of teenaged wizards looking to start some trouble. Coincidentally, at the time we were attacked, our fighter was wearing the pot on his head doing his best impression of a shrieker, which is probably what attracted the attentions of the wizards in the first place. That fighter can do a really mean falsetto when he tries. Long story short, the wizards all tried to take him down with their acid arrows screaming, "ALL MUSHROOMS MUST DIE!" It looked like he would be in trouble, but the wok's acid resistance completely protected him from the barrage. Don't worry though, we didn't give him the +1 to his armor class bonus when one wizard ran up and tried to kick him in the shin, that would just have been downright silly. So with his wand of Mage Hand and some excellent exotic ingredients, my dragon filled the wok and then unleashed a blast of his breathweapon. And you wouldn't believe what he rolled on his first attempt at cooking. For the craft check, he got an 18, giving him a total of 40. But wait, after rolling for the master craft check, he got a 19, giving him a 41 on that roll. Man, acid fried rice never tasted so good. This stuff was packed with the deliciousness and flavorocity found only in the food of the Gods. Now the DM has a problem. He doesn't want my dragon to be able to sell the rice for as much as it is obviously worth. He fears that he will abuse the system to gain so much wealth that the dragon will fill his pockets with the most wondrous of wondrous items. Like a mop that makes floors so squeaky clean that my dragon can slide across them on one claw, effortlessly posing in such ways that he gains massive circumstance bonuses to perform, intimidate, and maybe even bluff checks. Or a wisdom boosting item that will allow him to invent jokes and riddles so witty that the rest of the party will have to take will saves or be stunned for d4 rounds as a result of the magnitude of the thoughts. My problem comes in because the costs of the wok, wands, exotic ingredients, and construction cost of the restaurant combined has come to a total of 100,000 gold pieces. That is twice the amount that my dragon had when he set out on this exploit. He managed to come up with the other 50,ooo by dipping into the fighter's gold pouch and taking out a loan from the wizard. But now as he is finding it increasingly difficult to sell his acid fried rice for what it is truly worth, he is not sure if he will be able to pay off his loan before the two week deadline is up. Nor does he think he will be able to get the money back into the fighter's pouch before he notices that someone has hit up his stash. The wizard threatened to polymorph him into a tiny viper if he didn't get the money back in time. And the fighter isn't exactly known for his forgiving nature. How can my dragon get at least 50,000 gold for his rice? He is in such major trouble and I can really use some ideas. I've looked at the stats of the tiny viper and they're not pretty.
The Man from Uncle 11-28-04, 02:25 AM	This is a tough one indeed and a very tight spot to be in. Nothing funny about a tiny viper at all! Well you are a paladin (and not a very good one if i understand correctly), maybe you can go to some near by towns and levy some taxes. Or, failing that, threaten to dump your rice onto a foriegn market for a low price (obviously the quality of it will also threaten local produce too). The foriegn market will be concerned about its future trade interests and probably make some sort of 'offer' for you to take your trade elsewhere. Its a very common trick that is fully endorsed by the WTO.
kliate 11-28-04, 12:49 PM	Here's a longshot... Go on an adventure, and pay the other two out of your share of the loot.
The Man from Uncle 11-28-04, 10:41 PM	Don't listen to him vyper. Don't be a slave to your job steriotype. You don't have to do adventures just cos everyone else is doing them!
TigerWolfe 11-28-04, 10:55 PM	That was the best post i've ever read. Course I have a strange sense of humor so.
anshar 11-29-04, 03:36 PM	Clearly, the answer is to stop selling your rice in your restaurant. If the clientle that frequent your establishment cannot afford your grainy ambrosia, you must take it to those who can. Take your rice to the greediest of kings and allow him a small sample. If this does not sell your entire stock, try other kings or better still, other dragons... they tend to have money just lying around waiting to be spent. Not only will your traveling rice stand earn you enough gold to pay back your debts, it will spread your reputation as a master chef. Be sure to let your rich clients know where to find your permanent establishment!
tarkin 11-29-04, 05:02 PM	Or the Dragon could invite all the nobles to his restaurant and give away the rice for free. This would be known as a "loss leader". He could thus be assured of a good reputation, and constantly have the place filled, resulting in a steady profit without having to price the "good stuff" on a per unit basis.
MonkeyKing 11-30-04, 03:39 AM	Perhaps a corporate merger with McDonalds?
The Man from Uncle 11-30-04, 09:13 AM	A merger with McDonalds..... The MonekyKing hath spoketh.
The Master Weaver Is Warped 11-30-04, 03:32 PM	Box it, put your shinging face on the box, include a marketing blurb about how all profits go to charitable causes, charge twice as much as it is worth, use the church as your distribution system, pay off your loan sharks, patent the wok, sell it using 6am infomercials catered to board insomniactic house wives with more gold than sense, host a cooking show called Sizzling with Copper...
ShadowDragon8685 11-30-04, 03:41 PM	Master Warped has it right. :)
MonkeyKing 12-01-04, 04:26 AM	Box it, put your shinging face on the box, include a marketing blurb about how all profits go to charitable causes, charge twice as much as it is worth, use the church as your distribution system, pay off your loan sharks, patent the wok, sell it using 6am infomercials catered to board insomniactic house wives with more gold than sense, host a cooking show called Sizzling with Copper... :D ...Exploit downtrodden racial minorities, kobolds, goblins etc to create an inferior quality product at a fraction of the price you'd pay a capable workforce, thus maximising your profit margins and hence the weight of your own belt pouch. Build yourself an enormous tower and sleep on the highest floor atop a huge pile of gold with many beautiful wenches...
The Master Weaver Is Warped 12-01-04, 06:54 AM	Actually, as a copper dragon hanging with all the fey, I'm kinda surprised you choose rice over wine. Hey, you could make rice wine. Just breathe into the bottles. The damn stuff tastes like acid spittle anyways. The satyers won't know the difference.
HyperVyperBeam 12-04-04, 03:55 PM	Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I've been very busy. You'd be surprised at how hard it is to be unemployed. I mean between sleeping and waking up, that right there is about 3/4 of the day. With all of your excellent suggestions, there was a whirlwind of activity in our last session. My dragon started selling his acid fried rice to foreign dignitaries and dragons, but the tariffs were killing me. I was barely making a profit. So So he tried to dump the rice off on a foreign market, dirt cheap to get them to pay him to move the business elsewhere. The problem was their rice farmers were gully dwarf share croppers. Apparently they already had Monkey King's idea. Even though my dragon's rice was head and shoulders better, he wasn't able to get the price down low enough to compete. The box it and market it technique worked best. My dragon is known for his super cuteness. The DM ruled that this gave him a +3 circumstance bonus to his profession advertising agent check. He basked in the opportunity to smile and show off his pearly whites for the illusionist. Merchandising is definately his thing. He couldn't make too much rice cause he only had one wok, but the small supply kept demand high and he was able to sell each box for a tidy profit. He was doing so well he decided to try the rice/acid wine idea too. It was a big hit with the key demographic, but now the satyrs and elves have started a class action lawsuit claiming that my dragon's wine was the cause of the mysterious ulcer epidemic which had recently befallen their people. My dragon has accumulated 60,000 gold during the span of his ventures, but this lawsuit is going to cost him 250,000 gold if he loses it, not to mention legal fees and shiny gems to adorn him at court appearances. It is going to be hard earning that kind of money sitting around listening to goat legged babies complaining that their tummies hurt all day. He hasn't even paid back his loans yet, choosing instead to blow all of his extra cash on scale sequins of dancing lights and platinum claw taps so he can do that Riverdance thing he likes so much. How's he ever going to get out of this one.
kliate 12-04-04, 09:13 PM	Make a deal with your local Pit Fiend...yeah, that'll work :evillaugh :devil: