Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Delfedd 02-03-07, 02:16 PM	How is this best done? I have been DMing the Age of worms campaign for just under half a year, and my friends and myself have been enjoying it. Something good, but problematic is about to happen. My girlfriend is going to join. This party has been missing healing for a while. Inconsiderate to NPCs, I hope that her playing a "healer" (which she suggested, not me) will balance this unbalanced group. She didn't even know that I play D&D when I brought it up, which is great. I'm not pressuring her or anything. OK. Here's the problems. 1) The players are engaged in a series of gladiator games. How should I introduce her in general? 2) Often, when girls are over, we are not as progressive. Girls, even when they're going out with someone else, tend to draw attention away from me. 3) How Do I teach her to play? A High level caster is a hard role to just step in to. 4) I know I SHOULDN'T treat her differently... but... 5) I am worried about One player in particular. He regales any new potential players with tales of his "virility" (he's a warforged) and has a seemingly predetermined path. He goes into the same story. Hearing the story embarrasses me every time. What are some ways that I could make him quit it? It's becoming a real problem. I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a pervert. In the begining of the campaign, he brought up "rape" three times a session. I've told him to stop, that it's not funny, but he ends up yelling at me.
Ace_of_Diamonds 02-03-07, 02:18 PM	I'll cite my advice for gaming with anyone particularly close to you, whether it be a parent, sibling, cousin, spouse, or in your case, girlfriend. Don't let the fact that she's your girlfriend influence any decision you'd normally make. That is all.
Andrew 02-03-07, 02:32 PM	Here (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=471897) is the thread for you. It's a good overview of being a good DM in general, and about running a game that your players actuallly want to play in, rather than just running the game that you have in your mind's eye.
Prator_the_Legendary 02-03-07, 03:06 PM	1. If there's no healer in the party already, whoever is arranging the gladiator matches can suggest that they get one, and give your girlfriend's name as a distinct possibility. That person might even make the introductions between your girl and the party, or perhaps even decree that they will work together for the duration of the tournament. 2. Nothing you can do about that, except try to be as interesting a DM as you can be. 3. Talk with her beforehand about the basics of how her character works, and be prepared to advise her on rules and tactics as she plays. If she's done any kind of RPG gaming before, she should pick up on things quick enough to play on her own after a seesion or two. 4. But nothing. Treat her as you would any player, neither harming nor helping. Don't alienate her, but don't give her "natural" twenties on every roll, either. 5. Act like you don't know him/ignore him. Just make it clear that you don't approve of/don't participate in his shennanigans WITHOUT trying to hurt him. Your girlfriend should understand as long as you roll your eyes periodically whenever he talks.
High Octane 02-03-07, 04:24 PM	Treat. Her. The. Same. As. Every. Other. Person. You. Are. DMing. For. Inform your friends that any crude crap thrown at her as a PLAYER will cause you to smash their genitals with a balpeen hammer. Any in character actions, let them as long as you know they are treating her no differently then any female NPC would be treated. Also warn her about them and give her free range to respond with harsh force. Let HER deal with them. You cant shield her, dont try.
Despana 02-03-07, 04:31 PM	Treat. Her. The. Same. As. Every. Other. Person. You. Are. DMing. For. Inform your friends that any crude crap thrown at her as a PLAYER will cause you to smash their genitals with a balpeen hammer. Any in character actions, let them as long as you know they are treating her no differently then any female NPC would be treated. Also warn her about them and give her free range to respond with harsh force. Let HER deal with them. You cant shield her, dont try. :clap: :bow: This is perfect. Coming from the other "side" of the question, this is the best thing you can possibly do.
Krusk 02-03-07, 04:31 PM	1- How about having a healer brought out to heal them after the matches. Have this time be a time for her to RP her interactions with the party. If they are positive they will surly ask this healer to come with them on quests they do outside of the arena. If they know they need one. if they react negativly with each other, the owner of the arena tells her to travel with them and make sure they dont die, they bring in tons of money. He tells them to travel with her and not die, they are worth tons fo money. 2-tell the guys she is taken, and it isnt worth their time to be distracted by a girl in the room. 3- just have her use core only. Then sit her next to the other caster im assuming youve got. tell her her job is to heal whenever anyone takes a decent ammount of damage. Make it the arcane casters job to teach how spells work. He should havea good idea how. Also explain everything that isnt spells is d20+mods. 4-My girlfriend joins us every once in a while, but most of the time she watches/hangs out. Apparently i slant things harder for her according to her and the group, so ive got nothing to help with here. Maybe just make all die rolls in the open for everyone? and play them as they fall. 5-Tell him to not be a d-bag? Most girls can actually stand up for themself though, so if he makes her uncomfortable she very well might just tell him to cut it out. He also might find it hard to talk about this in front of a girl, so the problem might solve itself.
Einvaldurinn_mikli 02-03-07, 07:04 PM	By healer do you mean someone with healing capability or the actual class? If it's the latter you might turn her off the game 'cuz ya know, it really sucks to play a Healer. A Cleric is fine though, just have the other players help her with spell selection the first few times.
BlackZed 02-03-07, 08:18 PM	A lot of good advice has been given, and I'd like to add my own advice (whether it be seen as good or bad). 1) The players are engaged in a series of gladiator games. How should I introduce her in general? I agree with the introduction as a potential healing source from the powers that be in the gladitorial sense. Without knowing how they're housed, where they eat, or their status, it's hard for me to think of another way. If they're slaves, forced to compete, then it's easy. Just toss her in from their "boss." If free, perhaps she's gotten sick of the wandering and wants a steady place to fight, and applies to join a gladitorial group. 2) Often, when girls are over, we are not as progressive. Girls, even when they're going out with someone else, tend to draw attention away from me. There's not much you can really do about this one. Best thing for it is to let her handle it. Talk to her beforehand and let her know the problems you think might arise, and tell her that you think it will help everyone see her as a player if you treat her as a player. Not a girlfriend. That's how my husband and I approach game, and it's really helped with our group (all save one.. but that's another story). If nothing else, ask her if she has any female friends that would be interested and level the playing field a little. Your players could be tutors for the ladies, and it'd take the pressure off of you and your girlfriend. Sure it's evil, but you can bet it'd be a lot of fun. :devil: 3) How Do I teach her to play? A High level caster is a hard role to just step in to. My first "actual" character was a cleric, jumping into a high level game. Before I got into a more serious game, my husband sat down with me and we made up a straight fighter. We ran a few one-on-one sessions so I could get used to the system, learn what to roll and when, and get a general grasp on basic mechanics before trying to figure out spells as well. I didn't get everything, of course, but it gave me a good base to start from. 4) I know I SHOULDN'T treat her differently... but... Don't. Whatever you do, don't. Like I said earlier, have a talk with her about it, and let her know that as a DM, you can't show any preferential treatment. If she wants to join the game, she will be a PC first, player second, and girlfriend third. If she's a lady worth keeping around, she'll actually resent it if you give her bonuses and perks. Treat her like you would any new player. Cut her some slack about mistakes she makes, be patient, be kind, but don't treat her any differently. 5) I am worried about One player in particular. He regales any new potential players with tales of his "virility" (he's a warforged) and has a seemingly predetermined path. He goes into the same story. Hearing the story embarrasses me every time. What are some ways that I could make him quit it? It's becoming a real problem. I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a pervert. In the begining of the campaign, he brought up "rape" three times a session. I've told him to stop, that it's not funny, but he ends up yelling at me. Tell her. One thing you want to be sure to do is let her know what she's getting into. Make sure she knows the difference between IC and OOC before coming into game (I know, sounds like it should be common sense, but trust me. If she has no previous experience, let her know). Forewarn her, and then let her deal with it. Let her know her own limitations in game, what laws and rules may apply, and let her create an impotence spell. :surrender If you're worried about her perception of your friends, have her just sit in on a couple of games before actually playing. Or have a social night, so that she gets to meet everyone outside of a game setting.
unfortunate_crow 02-03-07, 09:05 PM	Hell I couldn't resist... 1. If they are higher level and engaging in Gladiator games they must have some sort of healing going on already. I agree with having her introduced as a healer for them that way, but maybe you could have an opponent level-drain one of them, and she's the only Cleric on tap for that restoration spell? 2. We had this problem once. My players had trouble getting into character and what-not...Eventually it worked itself out. Opening with a combat, and throwing some numbers around can usually snap them out of it. 3. Run some short scenarios to get her used to the mechanics. A battle with a lower level fighter to teach combat/spellcasting is good. If they are having trouble getting into character I usually say, "Well what would you do in this situation?" So their first character basically becomes them only with special powers, but it plants the seed so to speak. 4. We roll everything out in the open and let things fall where they may. Usually I randomly decide who the bad guys will attack by letting each player pick some numbers on a die and roll it. For other bad guys I pick and choose, but always tell the player why their character is catching it. "The guy with the flaming greatsword is charging you because you just wasted his best friend." sortof stuff. 5. It sounds like your player has a serious problem...but not one that can be dealt with in-game. If you are that worried just explain to him that you really like this girl and would appreciate it if he didn't say stupid-***** things. In our group that pretty much means "I will kick the hell out of you if you screw this up for me.", only in our group the offending player did not get a warning beforehand. Anyhow, when he inevitably makes a pervert of himself, I can pretty much guarantee that you will not be the one she thinks is an idiot. It may not even come up...most people don't like to look like perverts in front of the opposite gender.
LeannaMoonbody 02-03-07, 10:01 PM	Well my husband dm's for me and my advice would be: 1. If this is the first time she is playing, the "Don't treat her like everyone else that your dming for." Sometimes, expecially for us girls, we need time to get used to the idea of roleplay and getting into character, and she needs enough time to understand the rules, and her new found power. Go easy on her, for the first few sessions so she can see how everyone else plays and she can see combat. Combat was the hardest thing for me to understand to be honest. " Why do I get a +3 on my attack?" "What's the difference between base and ranged attack?" "Whats a spell diffculty?" These were a lot of the questions I had, and being able to sit in a group of 4 and watch and partake helped me get into it and not get frustrated. If this is not her first time playing, then she should be able to just sit down and dig right in! 2. Help her get into her character. Ask her to define her personality, or any quirks her character may have. Have her read her character sheet, in front of you before game, just so if she does have questions about her skills or spells that you guys have enough time to answer them before play.
ravenshrike 02-04-07, 01:44 AM	5. Warn her about him. Warn him to knock it the ****off before game time. If he doesn't, have your other friends hold him down and kneecap him with a ball-peen hammer.
Boraxe 02-06-07, 09:24 AM	5) I am worried about One player in particular. He regales any new potential players with tales of his "virility" (he's a warforged) and has a seemingly predetermined path. He goes into the same story. Hearing the story embarrasses me every time. What are some ways that I could make him quit it? It's becoming a real problem. I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a pervert. In the begining of the campaign, he brought up "rape" three times a session. I've told him to stop, that it's not funny, but he ends up yelling at me. This is a completely distinct issue form gaming with your GF. Tell this player to grow the **** up and stop acting like a child, and that rape is not fun or funny. If he keeps up kick his ass to the curb.
Sphyre 02-06-07, 01:03 PM	5) I am worried about One player in particular. He regales any new potential players with tales of his "virility" (he's a warforged) and has a seemingly predetermined path. He goes into the same story. Hearing the story embarrasses me every time. What are some ways that I could make him quit it? It's becoming a real problem. I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a pervert. In the begining of the campaign, he brought up "rape" three times a session. I've told him to stop, that it's not funny, but he ends up yelling at me. Oh no, he yells at you. Grow a backbone. Yell back at him to get his attention (he probably won't be expecting it). Don't back down because he's yelled at you. He's probably used to walking all over you. Tell him shut it or get out. Just because he has a forceful personality, doesn't mean he's allowed to be a douche. He pushes, push back harder, or better yet, just kick him out, because he has no place in your game. I don't care if he's your brother, your father, or someone else that you 'have to play with,' acting immature at the table and making other people feel uncomfortable so they can expound upon their sexual fantasies is not what this game is for. (Sure, if everyone agrees to, go ahead, but you obviously don't agree) If you're worried about your GF thinking you're a pervert, you probably are. Because if you're not a pervert, then why are you worried? So what if you're a pervert? Everyone is because a pervert is someone who varies from the norms, and no one is normal, because there is no norm. Obviously this moron you're playing with is way more perverted than you - how can you be seen as a pervert for what he does? And like everyone else said: treat her exactly like you would treat anyone else. So what if she's a girl or you have a relationship with her? Giving her special attention from that will only take away from the game for everyone.
dragonfire8974 02-06-07, 01:25 PM	i love the ballpeen hammer stuff. or have a rubber chicken. not as damaging, but really strange when you whack someone with a rubber chicken
ravenshrike 02-07-07, 12:08 PM	Yeah, but that can be taken the wrong way. Might seem like you have an odd fetish. Whereas a ball-peen hammer sends a pretty clear message.
trapspringer 02-07-07, 12:56 PM	This isn't a problem specific to D&D. There is no real solution, either. I mean, you know that guy who you used to hang out with at the (coffee shop/bar/pool hall/skate park/comic shop/race track/paintball field/etc.) who suddenly showed up with some girl who wasn't really into (coffee/beer/pool/skating/comics/racing/paintball/etc.)? Yea. You know why that sucked, so just avoid those same things. Here's a list, if we're unclear: 1. Suddenly everyone has to accomodate this random girl who isn't on the same level (usually because this isn't her "thing" she won't be up to par with the more experienced drinkers/pool sharks/racers/superhero ****-shooters/'ballers/etc.). This kinda' ticks everyone off 'cause they don't want to be jerks to the "new guy" and they don't want to ruin the "old guys" chances with her by being putzes about it. At a certain point, however, it becomes evident that the girl just isn't grasping the concept. If she's legitmately into the activity in question, this problem goes away. Good for you. 2. It's awkward as hell to sit there while some guy is flirting with some girl. Any guy who's got his priorities straight will be, so you can't just call B-S on it and move on, but often the boob-based distraction will be too much for the "old guy," which can really ruin the game. If by some divine miracle the boyfriend can maintain a modicum of focus, he should have his testosterone levels checked. Still, good for you (kinda), this problem goes away. 3. As gamers, there will be that one guy (at a minimum) who just can't function around girls. He'll trip a lot. He'll drop stuff. He'll stutter or clam up entirely. This isn't your responsiblity, but it's your fault (the distinction being that the person at fault caused the manifestation of the problem and the person responsible has to and should deal with it). Frankly, this shouldn't deter you but it will be a problem that you'll be dealing with. This problem won't go away until "that one guy" gets laid. That might take a while, so I wouldn't wait on it. That's what I've seen. My advice is go for it, do your best to run your game. See what happens. The moment you choose gaming over girls you need to seek professional help. I don't think it will possible to treat her like "just another player" because she isn't (I hope). You are going to change the social dynamics of your gaming group by adding this girl, and that's OK as long as you are OK with it.
On_the_wings_of_TPK 02-07-07, 10:07 PM	1) Help her build a Fighty-McFight-fight the cleric of Smash face, and busted heads. then entroduce her as a champion from a far off land come here in search of new challenges. 2) tell your friends to stoping think with their lower heads and play the agme. Failing that DM in drag. C'mon you'd look hot in a little red dress..you know you want to. 3) With lots of patients. 4) But nothing. She doesn't want special treatment. your group doesn't want you to treat her special. Infact during the game pretend she is a man. I often DM for my wife, and in order to maintian imparshality I'm often harder on her then other players. Last time we played, I was able to pull her character it was funny as hell. 5) I find this usually works well for players with that kind of mentality. http://www.usadojo.com/Images/women-as-warriors/soalt-groin-kick-5.jpg or try this: http://collections.lopolis.com/images/paulmeetschair.jpg 2. It's awkward as hell to sit there while some guy is flirting with some girl. Any guy who's got his priorities straight will be, so you can't just call B-S on it and move on, but often the boob-based distraction will be too much for the "old guy," which can really ruin the game. If by some divine miracle the boyfriend can maintain a modicum of focus, he should have his testosterone levels checked. Still, good for you (kinda), this problem goes away. Actually i would say that this is inversely proportional with two things: 1) maturity and 2) Strength of the relationship. If the relationship is healthy and the dude is not 13, or 13 mentally, then this usually isn't a problem. At least not for me anyways. However if it is his first girlfriend, or he is used to having the taken away form him then I see him being clingy. Although usually when it is as bad as you describe we call it being co-dependant well that sucks to be around in any situation. 3. As gamers, there will be that one guy (at a minimum) who just can't function around girls. He'll trip a lot. He'll drop stuff. He'll stutter or clam up entirely. This isn't your responsiblity, but it's your fault (the distinction being that the person at fault caused the manifestation of the problem and the person responsible has to and should deal with it). Frankly, this shouldn't deter you but it will be a problem that you'll be dealing with. This problem won't go away until "that one guy" gets laid. That might take a while, so I wouldn't wait on it. Have you tried hiring him a prostitue? Make it a group founded activity, like everyone pitching for pizza, only everyone pitches for a hooker.
trapspringer 02-07-07, 10:17 PM	You back me up in your post, even if you don't realize it. I often DM for my wife, and in order to maintian imparshality I'm often harder on her then other players. Anyone who thinks that adding a female player won't change the group dynamic is falling prey to political correctness ********. Adding any player, male or female, will change the social dynamic. That's just how groups work. This is uncontestable. To disagree with this point is irrational. Beyond that, I think you almost, but not quite, completely missed the point of my post. Good job.
Sphyre 02-08-07, 03:29 AM	Anyone who thinks that adding a female player won't change the group dynamic is falling prey to political correctness ********. Adding any player, male or female, will change the social dynamic. That's just how groups work. This is uncontestable. To disagree with this point is irrational. In which case, you the mentioning of gender is extraneous knowledge for said point to be valid. It's kind of like those tests that give you too much information, and you have to figure out the right answer and not get distracted by being given too much information.... of course, I've never fallen prey for one of those, even if I was not forwarned. It's a psychological trick to make you second guess yourself, if you're not confident of the answer. Just because adding another player changes the group dynamic doesn't mean that the persons gender will change the dynamic unless people in the group act differently in front of other genders for any reason. It's completely different for everyone because different people bring different things to the table.
trapspringer 02-08-07, 02:35 PM	No, gender is a factor. It indicates some of the ways the new player will impcat that social dynamic. It doesn't tell you even most of the ways, but it tells you a few big ones. Some of the points I listed were gender-neutral, some were not. Just because adding another player changes the group dynamic doesn't mean that the persons gender will change the dynamic unless people in the group act differently in front of other genders for any reason. ...but they do. Girls behave differently around guys than they do around other girls and guys similarly behave differently around girls than they do around other guys.
Sphyre 02-08-07, 04:50 PM	...but they do. Girls behave differently around guys than they do around other girls and guys similarly behave differently around girls than they do around other guys. ...which is why I said "for any reason." Which includes any reason, no matter how superfluous, to act differently based on gender. The first statement "Adding any player, will change the social dynamic" is different than the implied statement of "Adding someone of the opposite gender will change the social dynamic for reasons based on gender." The first statement is a statement of truth. This is the uncontestable, irrational to refute portion of your post. The second part is a generalization. It does many times, a lot, and probably more often than not, actually apply to situations. This is probably so widespread that it seems like a universal truth because it's socialized in a vast majority of cultures world wide. Gender segregation can be socialized or you can develop it based on your own experiences, but in either case it's a learned behavior. This means that it can be unlearned or even, like in my case, never learned at all. It would be "irrational" to refute that this specific generalization is very widely spread, but by virtute of being a generalization, it does not apply to every situation and there will be exceptions. I'm pointing out the difference between the two, because they are not both univeral, irrifutable truths. I don't know whether it was your intention, or whether it was just worded in a way that could easily be misinterpretted, as such; regardless I'm going to clarify it. To claim the second statement is true because of the first, is faulty logic. Just because all trucks are automobiles, does not make all automobiles trucks. There are many different factors that can change the dynamic of a group, but gender does not always have to be one of them - only in the cases that gender is actually a factor (which, like I said earlier, it ussually is) is it really a factor. Much like only in the case that the automobile you pick is a truck, is it both an automobile and a truck at the same time, but there are also automobiles that are not trucks.
trapspringer 02-08-07, 05:45 PM	...which is why I said "for any reason." Which includes any reason, no matter how superfluous, to act differently based on gender. The first statement "Adding any player, will change the social dynamic" is different than the implied statement of "Adding someone of the opposite gender will change the social dynamic for reasons based on gender." The first statement is a statement of truth. They aren't mutually exclusive. The second part is a generalization. It does many times, a lot, and probably more often than not, actually apply to situations. This is probably so widespread that it seems like a universal truth because it's socialized in a vast majority of cultures world wide. Right. I have the benefit of dealing with people who are largely from this world when I write things on this message board. As such I generally work from the assumption that my audience is, in fact, native to Earth. Gender segregation can be socialized or you can develop it based on your own experiences, but in either case it's a learned behavior. This means that it can be unlearned or even, like in my case, never learned at all. Then you're maladjusted. It must be difficult to carry on normal social relationships. That isn't to say your way is wrong (i have to imagine a society without some of the backwards ideas we cling to would function very well), but because society will judge you based on the norms held by the [vast] majority of the people who make it up... well, you see where I am going. The first time you make an off-color joke in the work place, you're gunna' lose your job. Bigger stuff like that and smaller stuff, too. Cuttin' the cheeze in front of members of the opposite sex isn't exactly charming. If you're a girl, it must be some kind of death-penalty-instance, 'cause it doesn't happen too often. It would be "irrational" to refute that this specific generalization is very widely spread, but by virtute of being a generalization, it does not apply to every situation and there will be exceptions. For the sake of everyone's sanity, lets just say that nothing is absolute, but pointing that out in every F'n scentence is superfluous. It is an understood. There are many different factors that can change the dynamic of a group, but gender does not always have to be one of them - only in the cases that gender is actually a factor (which, like I said earlier, it ussually is) is it really a factor. Ok, I've hacked up your paragraph here a little to ditch the truck metaphor, so if (a reader) happens to stumble by it's worth reading this guy's post, just 'cause it's only fair to him. Gender doesn't have to be a factor (that is to say, there are other factors), but in any instance where: 1.Current social norms are in place and 2. The group previously consisted of only one gender (or had only an extremely small representation of a second gender) Gender will be a considerable factor. This is actually the first time I have said that, but pointing that out would be the chicken-**** way of avoiding a debate. I really do think it will almost always be a factor. That doesn't mean you shouldn't include girls in gaming (or guys), in fact I think that ideally a representative percentage of any group should be female (or really that should be reversed 'cause last I checked women outnumber men slightly), but to deny those problems which will arrise because it is politically correct is counterproductive and moraly reprehensible. Please understand, I get you aren't actually arguing against my original premise, but are mostly pointing out that gender isn't absolutely a factor. I agree there are always some instances in which an otherwise omnipresent idea doesn't work. I just think that, in this case, those instances are largely irrelevant.
Sphyre 02-08-07, 06:46 PM	They aren't mutually exclusive. The point was that they aren't mutually inclusive. Both are true. Then you're maladjusted. It must be difficult to carry on normal social relationships. That isn't to say your way is wrong (i have to imagine a society without some of the backwards ideas we cling to would function very well), but because society will judge you based on the norms held by the [vast] majority of the people who make it up... well, you see where I am going. The first time you make an off-color joke in the work place, you're gunna' lose your job. Bigger stuff like that and smaller stuff, too. Cuttin' the cheeze in front of members of the opposite sex isn't exactly charming. If you're a girl, it must be some kind of death-penalty-instance, 'cause it doesn't happen too often. Perhaps, yes, perhaps no, in refence to the maladjusted comment. I beleive I've found my place in society quite well. In fact, it's much easier for me to carry on normal relationships, by getting to know the person for who they are, rather than coloring them with preconceived notions of gender. (In fact stereotypes make it easier to identify people who fall into that category, when they happen to, but It's more of peicing the puzzle together about that person, rather than pasting a picture on their face.) It does seem that the American culture is pushing closer and closer to gender segregation and gender roles being removed, at least in the professional veiwpoint. You even mention it in regards to mentioning making an off-color joke at work. In fact, making those jokes is the least bit of my worries because, for the most part, my humor style is banter, playing off what people have said, and making witty comments based on the interaction between people, rather than resorting to prejudice to make a joke. It's a humor style that focuses on a lot of communication and actually knowing what the other person will find funny as a result. I have had no problems obtaining and retaining employment because I have more of a stick up my butt about prejudice than someone could make a harrassment lawsuit about. I like that you bing up the comment about males farting in the presence of females, being that I grew up in a family where my entire family farted all the time regardless of who was around. I've found it to be rude, no matter who the company is, regardless of gender. I would much rather the person excuse themselves to do so, so their company does not need to deal with the gas. Please understand, I get you aren't actually arguing against my original premise, but are mostly pointing out that gender isn't absolutely a factor. I agree there are always some instances in which an otherwise omnipresent idea doesn't work. I just think that, in this case, those instances are largely irrelevant. I'm pretty sure it's just the fact that since I'm so far from the "norm" (if you could define a norm in a society that's as widely mixed and varied as america has) that I'm representing such a small minority of people that your statement is probably so sweeping that it applies to most. My intentions, were indeed as you observed, not to argue, but to clarify to see whether the generalization was being declared as absolute truth, but reasonable application of a generalization. I admit the desire to post the clarification was mostly driven by the fact that I hate it when people try to stereotype me and tell me that I'm someone that I'm not; I define myself, not other people. I know the post wasn't directed at me, but when it's spoken as absolute truth, I make the point to clarify it when it's just a reasonable generalization, not an absolute truth - otherwise exceptions, such as myself, could not exist. :tiphat: I appriciate your ability to perceive my intentions and subject of my post accurately, as opposed to whatever could have happened if you perceived it as an attack.
Dragoloth 02-08-07, 10:38 PM	In response to 5) warforged are a-sexual having no gender or "parts" and no such feelings. Treat said player as "Steve" and give him a double chair treatment. If one of my players yelled at me for correcting them I would tell them to leave for the session or be (brutaly in this case) physicaly removed. Treat your girlfriend like the rest of your players or it will be awkward for her.
Anaxander 02-09-07, 05:01 AM	I DM for my girlfriend and I think the biggest danger of a good DM is not that he favors his girlfriend over the other players, but, on the contrary, that he is more strict towards his girlfriend than towards the other players, since he doesn't want to give the impression to the others that he favors her.
FrostWolf 02-09-07, 10:25 AM	H 5) I am worried about One player in particular. He regales any new potential players with tales of his "virility" (he's a warforged) and has a seemingly predetermined path. He goes into the same story. Hearing the story embarrasses me every time. What are some ways that I could make him quit it? It's becoming a real problem. I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a pervert. In the begining of the campaign, he brought up "rape" three times a session. I've told him to stop, that it's not funny, but he ends up yelling at me. I have no advice for the other stuff. But for HIM... Take him aside and let him know that such talk isn't acceptable. If he continues to bring up rape and virility, then show him that such talk will have side effects. Of the WereRust Monster kind (Heck yes you can do this, your the DM). Honestly, it sounds like you have been more than patient with him, and he keeps up what you feel is unaccepable behavior. Punish him.
PoeticJustice 02-09-07, 10:52 AM	I didn't read the whole thread because I need to get to class, but I felt the need to offer the following advice: Don't start her above level 1. Even if the rest of the party is at 20. Girls like TALKING more than FIGHTING. This is a good thing, because she won't understand the fighting system for the first couple of sessions but will grasp the relatively simple d20 skill system and the concept of roleplaying within minutes. They're gladiators? Then you've lot a lot to play with. -In recognition for the players' skill, they are invited to a nobleman's ball, where all sorts of byzantine politics, underhanded schemes, and even an assassination plot is about to unfold. See if the players can determine what's amiss and how to stop it. -There is some kind of legal issue with a fight. Perhaps the family of a slain combatant invoking a long-forgotten rule that makes some commonly-employed tactic of the PCs illegal. Now they have to settle a session using words not fists.
Solik 02-09-07, 02:02 PM	Do not listen to the above advice.
trapspringer 02-09-07, 02:32 PM	+1 You wanna' see a whole bunch of ****** off gamers? Redesign the game around your girlfriend. You wanna' see a girlfriend who never likes gaming? Stick her at level one in a high level party.
Sphyre 02-09-07, 04:56 PM	+2 Don't take that advice unless you want to end up without anyone willing to game with you.
High Octane 02-10-07, 05:24 PM	:clap: :bow: This is perfect. Coming from the other "side" of the question, this is the best thing you can possibly do. How the HELL do I not have a girlfriend? I seem to always have good advice for everyone else!
kelvinaw273 02-10-07, 05:36 PM	Treat your girlfriend like any other new player. Make sure she knoes it. One other word of advice, when my wife (now ex-wife) decided she owul like to join our gamne, I let her play the dragon ...
UltimateReality 02-11-07, 12:32 PM	Girls like TALKING more than FIGHTING. This is a good thing, because she won't understand the fighting system for the first couple of sessions but will grasp the relatively simple d20 skill system and the concept of roleplaying within minutes.Gender-based stereotyping and patronization all in one post! (Not saying you are, that's just how the post comes off.) 1. I've known plenty of women who enjoyed a good fight far more than the boring politics stuff. 2. ANY new player has problems understanding the combat system vs. the skill system and RP.
Sphyre 02-11-07, 01:01 PM	How the HELL do I not have a girlfriend? I seem to always have good advice for everyone else! That's the irony of life. Also, when you stop caring about not having a girfriend, you'll most likely get one. Adding more to the irony.
Krusk 02-11-07, 01:20 PM	A good class for people to play to learn the rules is a bard. It is much more RP heavy that the other ones. They can sit back and watch how combat works while still contributing. Get minor healing and arcane spells. If they get the hang of combat, they can use a ranged weapon decently enough. Id suggest you roll everything in the open from now on as well, so people dont start pulling the "no wonder she didnt get attacked" card. Once she has been in a few sessions you can go back to secret rolls though.
Anaxander 02-11-07, 01:41 PM	A good class for people to play to learn the rules is a bard. It is much more RP heavy that the other ones. They can sit back and watch how combat works while still contributing. Get minor healing and arcane spells. If they get the hang of combat, they can use a ranged weapon decently enough. Id suggest you roll everything in the open from now on as well, so people dont start pulling the "no wonder she didnt get attacked" card. Once she has been in a few sessions you can go back to secret rolls though. Perhaps a good second time class. First time class shouldn't be too complex so that a player can focus on the basic rules and not on a hundred class abilities. A bard can be a good second time class, since it gives a hint of what a host of other classes and character roles have to offer.
trapspringer 02-11-07, 02:24 PM	Perhaps a good second time class. First time class shouldn't be too complex so that a player can focus on the basic rules and not on a hundred class abilities. A bard can be a good second time class, since it gives a hint of what a host of other classes and character roles have to offer. That's what I've always said, although I don't get much love for it. The fact is that for someone new to roleplaying, they have to learn more than just "roll a d20, add a modifier." They have to learn what the acceptable range of actions are and that there is a pace and what that pace is. The progression from diplomacy to combat to loot isn't as intuitive for some people as you would think. There is a lot of subtle stuff involved that people don't think of becuase it isn't really in the books. But it doesn't really sound like she's completely new, and beyond that she already has her eyes on healing (which, frankly, is the absolute best role for a player that is going to join under these circumstances).
Alexeia 02-11-07, 09:06 PM	I really did not read the rest of the posts...but I have an answer for ya. Not only am I a chick player, my husband is my DM. It is possible to have your girlfriend play D&D with you , but she HAS to have an intrest in it to start with. You really don't want her to play just because she wants to 'hang' out with you and your friends. If she does have an intrest (a real one) then you can not give her any special anythings. Treat her like you do the rest of the party. If you roll a crit, give her that damage. If she earns tons of XP, give it to her. She will understand if she has a real want to be a part of the D&D world, and so will the rest of your PCs. As far as the guys playing with the 'only chick'....... That is 100% up to her. She has to be able to deal with the constant guy BS (no offence to the boys). I have been the only chick PC, am still the only chick PC and will probably be the only chick PC for the rest of my D&D days. I just have to let the guys know that I want to play, not just hang out and talk (or be hit on). You can do it. It is a ton of fun to be able to play with my husband. We just had a baby and it is really hard for us to go out and do things. D&D night is my fave night of the week. We can hang out and have fun (and not spend a ton of cash). It also has made the bond between us a little stronger. We have LOTS to talk about now.
High Octane 02-11-07, 09:26 PM	Also, when you stop caring about not having a girfriend, you'll most likely get one. Adding more to the irony. You watch WAY too much anime.
DyloniusFunk 02-11-07, 10:11 PM	You watch WAY too much anime. No if this were anime he would have a bunch of different girls each one with a single personality type all fighting each other to be with him, and he'd be whiny and in decisive and perhaps even frightened of all of them.
trapspringer 02-11-07, 10:14 PM	That and life would only be about 1/3 as long in english 'cause all the "good stuff" would be cut out.
Sphyre 02-12-07, 01:57 AM	You watch WAY too much anime. I don't think so. It's my and my friends' experiences (both male and female) that more often than not you get a significant other when you give up on wanting one. The reason we believe so is that when one desires a significant other actively, they are not only more aware of your lack of SO, but also one may try too hard and truely not be themselves. I would say your experiences may vary, but that wouldn't make sense given that it won't apply until you actually do so. I'm not saying that this always, or even happens most of the time, but I see that it's quite common and happens more than I originally thought that it would.