Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Hilln 12-10-03, 08:23 PM	Post your funniest moments here
Sy_Cottic 12-11-03, 12:04 AM	We had a borderline alcoholic ranger in the group that kept telling everyone that he was going to find the mythical "Lake Mead" to retire at
NorthSaber 12-11-03, 12:54 AM	This didn't happen in a game where I played but I saw this somewhere on the internet and I think its one of the funniest DnD situations ever: So this group is adventuring in a dungeon, and has a smart-ass bard, a dorky ranger and some other characters who are not involved in the joke. For the longest time the ranger tries to find a good magical sword, and finally the group stumbles upon a powerful magical sword. Immediately, the ranger takes the sword for himself. Soon it became apparent that the sword was in fact intelligent and had an alignment conflict with the ranger. Ranger: "Just my luck: the first intelligent sword we find on our adventures, and it doesn't like me!" Bard: "That's how we know its intelligent." :D
Skyblade 12-11-03, 01:13 AM	Well, maybe not funny as much as pathetic. My entire party has been captured by goblins because we 'forgot' to mention to the DM who was keeping watch. So the DM assumed nobody was keeping watch, and we woke up all chained up, in a cage, in the middle of a goblin settlement. Surrounded by goblins, obviously. The fighter/rogue in our party managed to snap his chains while pretending not to through bluffing, then somehow managed to intimidate most of the goblin guards into run away. And that is while he was in the cage. With the guards holding crossbows, aimed at us.
grazzt_the_dark 12-11-03, 03:06 AM	We were playing THREE parties at once, since our DM didn't want to mix Good, Neutral, and Evil alignments. This didn't happen to my party but I was listening in. The evil party had been recruited to steal a book of unknown power, and their leader was being interviewed inside the city while the rest waited outside the gate. Now one of those outside the gate had a device given to them by their employer that worked like a magical cell phone (don't ask me, ask my DM), and at this moment the employer decides to contact them with it. Well, he starts blabbing away about what their doing and how they plan on stealing the book. Now about half-way through, I burst out laughing. Why? THEY WERE DISCUSSING THIS IN FRONT OF THE GATE GUARDS!!!!! Well, after their arrest, somehow they managed to talk their way out of being killed (sympathetic DM + lot of first timers).
COSMO KNIGHT 12-11-03, 10:01 AM	This happened during a Werewolf game. Party of werewolves runs into a third gen vampire. Power wise the group is hopelessly outmatched. After getting beat for a while the one uses a gift were he can creat minor objects. So as the armored vampire with fangs gleaming advances on him he uses his gift to place a pink tutu on the Elder vampire. The party eventually won I think because the vampire was so enraged/embarrassed by the whole thing.
YaoiGoddess 12-11-03, 11:55 AM	Never cast Consecrate while INSIDE the colossal intelligent evil undead......
Ulden Throatbane 12-11-03, 03:13 PM	Setup: Two players trying to make a decision. P1: oh lets just do Rock-Paper-Scissors P2: Ok! {They both roll a d6} P2: 6! I win! :rolleyes:
paintedmask2 12-11-03, 04:46 PM	Originally posted by Ulden Throatbane Setup: Two players trying to make a decision. P1: oh lets just do Rock-Paper-Scissors P2: Ok! {They both roll a d6} P2: 6! I win! :rolleyes: That is, without a doubt, one of the most pathetic things I have ever heard... It makes my head hurt to think about it.
Shadowchaser84 12-11-03, 05:28 PM	The funniest moment in DnD history was the flatulent cleric of Bane. She (which made it even worse for some reason) would walk into battle and crap her pants to put a -2 morale penalty on all her opponents who wanted to attack her. The second funniest was when my cleric cast summon monster to summon a celestial dog against a chain golem. during the round in which I cast the spell, the Chain Golem flew into one of its blade barrier effects. Because the spell wasn't complete, and I didn't see the dog coming in handy, I let the dog materialize 20 feet above the blender that was the Chain Golem and fall in. YELP! I don't know who said it, but I fell out of my chair with laughter and couldn't stop for most of the game session because it kept creaping back on me.
sparkster4242 12-12-03, 01:51 AM	There is nothing funnier than the look on your DM's face when he realizes you just used a Wall of Force to slay an entire underground island, along with every living thing on it. Unless he decides to have fun enforcing the potion miscibility rules ... and ends up with a halfling (kender-wannabe) who can polymorph at will :P
Yen-Lo-Wang 12-12-03, 02:07 AM	The none too bright chauvinist barbarian in the group telling the Queen of the Amazons that is holding the party captive "Why don't you sashay into the kitchen and make me a pie." She then preceeded to string him up by his "sensitive" part:eek:
green_yawgmoth 12-12-03, 02:24 AM	Me: "I'll use my rod of wonder!" DM: "ok, roll." Me: *rolls* what do I get? DM: You summon a field mouse directly in front of the dire tiger. Everyone: :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Tardatog 12-12-03, 06:40 AM	Originally posted by green_yawgmoth Me: "I'll use my rod of wonder!" DM: "ok, roll." Me: *rolls* what do I get? DM: You summon a field mouse directly in front of the dire tiger. Everyone: :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: That's NOTHING! I was playing a character that I wasn't particularly fond of and was kind of looking for a way to kill off. I got a bunch of blood splattered on my face (NPC crit-ed) and decided to clean it off with my wand of wonder. Ivy grew all over my face. I now needed to get rid of the ivy. I point it at my face again. FIREBALL! I throw my bag on the floor because i needed to put out the fire. I point my wand and suddenly believe it's sole operation is producing rain. I naturally point it again, hoping to summon rain to quench the flames but instead, more ivy to feed the flames. At this point my SPELLBOOK is burned to a crisp. My wizard decided his life was now without meaning. I swallow the rod of wonder. I jump up and down screaming the command word...roll it... ...ELEPHANT! I then requested to my DM that all my experience from the preveous few battles be passed on to the elephant. We calculated the experience and determined that now, deep in the underdark past several narrow passages, rested a very messy level 3 pachyderm. The drow will probably still be wondering what the heck happened years from now.
Yen-Lo-Wang 12-12-03, 01:46 PM	Originally posted by Tardatog That's NOTHING! I was playing a character that I wasn't particularly fond of and was kind of looking for a way to kill off. I got a bunch of blood splattered on my face (NPC crit-ed) and decided to clean it off with my wand of wonder. Ivy grew all over my face. I now needed to get rid of the ivy. I point it at my face again. FIREBALL! I throw my bag on the floor because i needed to put out the fire. I point my wand and suddenly believe it's sole operation is producing rain. I naturally point it again, hoping to summon rain to quench the flames but instead, more ivy to feed the flames. At this point my SPELLBOOK is burned to a crisp. My wizard decided his life was now without meaning. I swallow the rod of wonder. I jump up and down screaming the command word...roll it... ...ELEPHANT! I then requested to my DM that all my experience from the preveous few battles be passed on to the elephant. We calculated the experience and determined that now, deep in the underdark past several narrow passages, rested a very messy level 3 pachyderm. The drow will probably still be wondering what the heck happened years from now. :rofl:
Schmendrick 12-12-03, 02:18 PM	When metagaming goes wrong: I had a low level PC rogue find a bag of tricks (whichever the item is called; it is the equivalent of a low level Summon Monster when a furry ball from the bag is thrown). He was attempting to discover its abilities in character so he could justify his OOC knowledge, and, of course, doing a relatively poor job of keeping his own mind out of his character (though his effort was commendable). The PCs encounter an ogre, and the rogue reaches into his bag to hurl the ball at it. I look up the description in the DMG; the ball must be thrown at least 20 ft. (or whatever; don't remember at the moment) for the ability to activate. I check the battle grid... Me: "The ball hits the ogre and bounces off." PC: "It doesn't do anything?" Me: "No, just *doink* and it rolls to the ground." (Other players mock.)
Lord Darkblade 12-12-03, 02:19 PM	Playing 1e D&D, when we realised that it was easier for my character to carry the horse with my belongings on it than it was for the horse to carry me and the equipment (Str 19, 3 tonne carrying limit!) The look on my DMs face when a thief mugged me, rappeling down from the roof, I passed the spot check and my Initiative was higher, the point where I crit the thief and kill him with quickdraw.... the DM looked so sad. My Paladin Was mugged by the city watch, while running nearly naked after being mugged, he was beaten up, shot in the back, kicked by a passer by and then thrown in the river... and all I asked was where the local church was! (they refused to believe that I was a paladin and didn't want to let a madman wander the streets!) A party member attacked my ranger, he is a fighter with a good set of stats and a big mace. My ranger whups him in 1 hit, dealing the total 25 points of damage in 1 hit, killing him totally. This is a second level character:smirk: The look on the fighter's face when he realised that he had just been criticalled by a ranger, and he had just 15 of his hits left after fighting undead for a while (I had 7)... Whats worse is that the crowd of people round the table were cheering for the fighter.
Haligan 12-12-03, 02:53 PM	During a role-play non-combat chunk of play, our group got split up down three paths trying to find three pieces of an artifact that would open a pass through a mountain. We didn't know it was going to be non-combat, so we split ourselves up thusly: Me, the fighter alone. Rogue/Ranger together. Cleric/Wizard together. Thinking those combinations would be the most likely to survive combat. Each group chose a path, and each path had a predetermined event on it. The Rogue and Ranger had to chase down a ferret or weasel or something that had gotten it's hand's on a chunk of the artifact. The Cleric and Wizard had to do something easy. I can't remember what it was, but it wasn't a big deal. I think I was playing a game on a Gameboy or something since I wasn't involved. But, when my fighter went traipsing down the path, I came across a group of ten naked women that were all kinda hiding together on the path. They saw me coming and started screaming. Being the chaotic good guy that I was, I put my sword down and walked over slowly, trying to calm them down. I asked them what happened, and they said that the men of their village had stripped them down and then they all ran away. This kinda :censored::censored::censored::censored: :censored::censored: me off, so I told them I'd try to get their clothes back, so I grabbed my sword, and headed on down the path. When I got to the village, the men were all carousing in the center by a fire. Unbeknownst to me, this was supposed to be a stealth section, and I was supposed to sneak in later that night and grab the clothes. HAH!! So much for my DM's plan. I waltz up into the middle of the gathering, and I'm like: "Hey, why did you guys strip your women down?" "Ach, we did it for a laugh, It's FUNNY!!!" "Okay, okay, jokes over. Give me their clothes. It's cold." "No. We still think it's funny, all them runnin' around in their skins. We don't wanna give em back." "Okay...will you let me buy their clothes back from you?" "Sure, sure, sure, how about...50 gold pieces per woman?" (I had about 40 gold total) "Well, I can't quite afford that. How about 1 gold?" "No." Fine. So I pull out my sword. All of a sudden about 10 more large men show up, and a bunch of them have nets. I make a move, and get covered in a few nets. I bust out of the nets (Yay 18 Str) and look at my DM. It's obvious to me at this point that I've gone against what my DM wanted me to do, and I've got to either back off and regroup and figure it out, or go funny. I go for the funnay. :smirk: "Fine...you guys want a laugh? Give me all their clothes, and I'll strip down naked and carry all their clothes back to them." The entire gaming groups BURSTS out laughing, including the DM. "I like you, you're funny. You've got a deal." So, I strip down, and they give me all the clothes, and they all follow me back down the path, and make fun of me along the way. "Ahahahahah!!! You call THAT a willy???!!" IIRC, I got a kiss from each of their women for the deed though. :)
bahamut_0 12-12-03, 04:55 PM	:heehee
Hilln 12-12-03, 05:40 PM	:heehee :heehee :heehee
Lady_Firehawk 12-12-03, 05:52 PM	Hehehe... I have several interesting moments! :D In this group we had my Dwarven Cleric of Pelor, Cetrinh (pronounced like the stone), a half-Elf Ranger named Slain who (supposedly) worships Ehlonna, a Monk who was formerly a Halfling but got reincarnated into a half-Elf, a half-Celestial Paladin named Alasion, an Amazon, a sea-Elf Necromancer and an Elven Assassin named Keleisto who by some trick of the DM happens to be CN rather than evil. (A splatbook class, I believe. DMPC as well.) Alasion is arguably the funniest character in the whole group... especially for a Paladin! If ya think turning water into wine is impressive... well, he started messing around with an alchemy set at random (No Alchemy skill whatsoever, he was just messing around!) and by some roll of the dice he managed to come up with something with the approximate chemical composition of... crap. Yes. Crap. Then by another roll of the dice he turned crap into wine! Needless to say, the others were somewhat baffled. (All hail Hieroneous, hm?) And then Cetrinh got a little creative herself and ended up with something that smelled a bit like a cross between burning tires, burning hair and an army of wet dogs. SInce she was raised among humans, she had a bit more of a random streak than the average Dwarf... so she kept it! Then later on we fought a Troll with a weakness to Acid, so in order to get me to get rid of the stupid burning tire potion the DM decided it was acid... Quite entertaining! :D There was something else that happened with Alasion (probably a month ago) that's also quite memorable. We'd just gotten out of the cave where our loopy Paladin ("Wing-Boy" to the Amazon) had previously been turning crap into wine. We were supposed to be bringing back crystals of some kind to power a Gnomish machine that helped put up some kind of protective field, and it happened to be around a Mardi Gras kind of celebration. (This was a town founded by Bards, okay?) Apparently, the town watch thought we'd been swiping the crystals illegally, so we got chucked in jail. Not cool. Basically, part of our escape plan involved having the Amazon flash the guard (quite effective!) while someone else pulled the guard over through the bars and stunned him. We were making our escape when suddenly Alasion's Lawful Good had to kick in... stupid Paladin started back towards the jail! Keleisto wasn't too thrilled about it, though, and the Amazon's already abysmal opinion of Alasion went about forty notches lower. Basically... Keleisto went after Alasion and attempted the Assassinate skill with a sap, which only served to make the Paladin mad. Keleisto had a magic item that allowed him to fly, so the end result of this whole thing was an aerial dogfight between the two! (Picture it... a bunch of drunk townsfolk watching an Elf and a half-Celestial duking it out in the air!) And one other thing- Alasion had absolutely NO fear at all... he grappled the Assassin and took a nosedive (REALLY dang fast descent!) and both of them failed their Reflex saves to pull up- Ker-splat! Over 150 points of falling damage. Instant death for both of them. The AMazon, however, had a bit of a thing for Keleisto, plus she had a Ressurrection Stone he'd given her, and ended up using it. Alasion finally got resurrected, too. (Their players were cracking jokes about Alasion and Keleisto standing in line in front of the Pearly Gates and saying "YEEEAH! That was AWESOME!") The funny thing is, after that 600-foot plunge of death, the two of them became best buddies! The Amazon still hates Alasion's guts, though. And where was Cetrinh during all this? Getting drunk and arm wrestling Slain! There wasn't jack she could've done! And one more thing... last session, Cetrinh, the Half-Elf Monk and the Sea-Elf Necromancer were trying to push a really heavy throne for some reason, so we all rolled Strength checks. The Necromancer rolled a natural 1, fell and broke his arm. No spells requiring somatic components for the next 3 months while it heals! :smirk:
YaoiGoddess 12-12-03, 08:00 PM	I used to play with a DM that always targeted my characters. His NPC was a demi-paladin of Moradin. My dwarven wayfinder snuck up to the giant sized double doors to see what was beyond them. The doors open, 2 Trolls step out and bite me. DM: The troll bites your leg off at the knee ME: What the hell are you talking about? I'm 3' tall! How can he bite my leg off?:uh-huh: :tantrum: DM: OK, he bites your chest out instead. You have till the end of the round to live. :smirk: I'd gone first among the party. The rest of the party in their one and ONLY display of party unity, managed to pass my character down the line to the NPC before the end of the round, who HAD to heal me since I was a dwarf! :ayyyy!: :rofl:
Ulden Throatbane 12-12-03, 08:40 PM	Something you might hear during a particularly sleep-deprived session from a cleric of Pelor: -"I hereby dedicate this temple to Balor...I mean Pelor!!"
Tigra 12-12-03, 11:26 PM	600 foot skydive? lol that wold kill anyone. (who in the right of minwould do that?)
E-Vile 12-13-03, 10:24 AM	Ever seen a paladin who was in the right of mind?
adamwat 12-13-03, 10:49 AM	Well it goes something like this. We had a rogue (me), A wizard and a fighter. I was trying to get information out of a mercenary so me and the DM roleplayed it out. The wizard got bored and said he picked up the waitress at the bar. He went up. The DM got a bit miffed at the wizard interrupting the roleplaying so he told the wizard to role a fort for you know what. The Player rolled and we all leaned over to see how much he got. He rolled a natural 1. We all starting laughing. The DM describes the wizard coming down the stairs shamed faced and cranky. The Waitress was laughing... Then the fighter took a crack at it and rolled a natural 20! We just burst into laughter...
Lord Darkblade 12-13-03, 11:23 AM	In our game we had two main religions nearby, Morrow the god of our area of niceness and goodness, and Menoth the god of eviler stuff... Now everytime we met a paladin of morrow or a cleric the DM would always say... "Greeting in the name of Menoth"... and many clerics and paladins were killed! We also had the point where our DM told us to find the Acclemist, which is not terribly useful when we needed healing potions!
YaoiGoddess 12-13-03, 01:29 PM	Originally posted by E-Vile Ever seen a paladin who was in the right of mind? Hence we call most paladins Lawful Stupid alignment. We had one in are group who, upon seeing the monsters just beyond the door, charged through the door screaming about justice and honor. Unfortunetely, he failed his spot check, not seeing there was in fact a gelatinous cube filling the room with the dead monsters inside it......
Vlorich San'cheh 12-13-03, 07:39 PM	The group I play with usually has a time about 3/4 the way through the session when everyone's minds turn to mush and start saying really stupid stuff: Case in Point ~~ Me, OOC: "is there a thief here, roll to see if you find my pencil" ~~ Me, Clr5 to DM: "I cast Comprehend Lang." Rogue7: "Dude,... they're speaking common" ~~ And the best one of all Crome, the Barb: "Maybe its some kind of interplanar manifestation of... I mean..... ug. "
green_yawgmoth 12-13-03, 08:47 PM	Originally posted by Tardatog Rod of Wonder story I guess I should have said the before the mouse, I had turned the tiger blue, become 1/12th my size, made it rain, and surrounded myself with butterflies. After the thing was dead, I tried it one more time to see if I could get something useful; I rolled a 99, and turned the tiger to stone.
Hilln 12-14-03, 12:16 AM	:heehee
Raxtenko 12-14-03, 03:51 AM	I'm currently DMing a game, where the PC's have angered the thieve's guild that basically runs the town that they're in. At any one time the guild has hundreds of members at their guildhouse, so attacking them outright is a no no. So the cleric in the party formulated a plan to whittle the guild down slowly. First the party refurbished the dungeons, in an ancient underground fortress, that's beneath the town. Next the party ambushed two of the guild members who were making use of the town's :censored::censored::censored::censored: :censored: house, and captured them. The party then took them down to the fortress and locked them up in the dungeon. The cleric then rationalized that the party couldn't stay and guard their prisoners, since they still had to adventure, and stuff. So the cleric decides to get some guards for his new prison. What he comes up with is this: a LG Hound Archon that he summoned with the lesser planar ally spell, a LN town guard, and a CN gnome illusionist that died and was re-incarnated by the party's druid into a sauhagin. After putting his guard force together, and making them agree that they wouldn't leave the fortress until he says so, the cleric's player made this comment: "Hmmm.... three different people stuck together in an inclosed space, and they can't leave. If only we had a scrying device we could spy on them, market their misadventures to the masses as a new form of entertainment, and make millions of gp!" Another player then made this comment: "Wait a minute, this'll never work we have to have a hot chick who's bi-sexual."
Akira21 12-15-03, 08:20 AM	We were all fighting an uber-powerful Green Dragon, and he was really having his way with us (we were rolling really terrible). Suddenly, most of our party decides discretion is the better part of valor and teleports away. Leaving my Arcane trickster and our resident Rogue archer behind. Here comes the dragon. My AT didn't have Teleport at the time. My character was Chaotic Neutral anyway, and this seemed like the time to show it. The Rogue turned to me and said "We are never gonna outrun this thing." With that, I cast Expeditious Retreat and said "I don't have to outrun the dragon, I just have to outrun you." And I did. :smirk: I DID chip in for his ressurection, though...people still talk about that one.
Hilln 12-15-03, 09:05 PM	Hehe out run the dragon :heehee
Winternova 12-16-03, 01:55 AM	I just remembered one - one of my players was complaining about how poor he was, and he stood up and shook his character sheet in my face screaming "LOOK AT MY PP! LOOK AT MY PP!!" Sad thing is, he didn't know to start laughing until we were all out of breath.
Radagast1955 12-16-03, 02:26 AM	The party wanted to traverse a small cove in a lake. Unfortunately, this cove was home to a large fish of ill temper. The Rogue barely escaped back to shore with his life. It was apparent that this particular fish used improved grab and grapple as part of its attack. The party decided to tie a rope around the Dwarf fighter (best strength and constitution) and toss him in and allow a grapple. The idea was to pull the fish to shore and make sushi out of him with the home court advantage. The Dwarf was (in-game) an avid fisherman. He had delayed to party several times refusing to leave a good brook, river or lake until he landed dinner. Anyway, the Dwarf comments as the rope is being fastened about his waste, “Why don’t we just fish for him?” The Rogue with a perfect sense of dryness replies, “We are!” Rads
wdarkk 12-17-03, 01:01 AM	:bump:
wdarkk 12-17-03, 01:01 AM	<double post>
Lady_Firehawk 12-17-03, 07:49 PM	Originally posted by YaoiGoddess Hence we call most paladins Lawful Stupid alignment. Yup. That's what we call 'em, too! :D
CuCulain42 12-18-03, 03:54 PM	in the first session of a new campain or DM had us role play purchasing weapons and armor. The half orc barbarian (INT 5)Rock walks into the weapon store points at a greatsword and says (player using really deep slow voice)"Big sword." The shop keeper say do you want it?" Rock says, "Mmm Yup". Shopkeeper, It'll be 40 gold." Rock pulls out his coin pouch (at this point the player has dice bag in hand an pretends to pull out 1 coin at a time) and says"One, three, seven..." at which point all the players lost it and we spent a good 10 minutes regaining composure.
bahamut_0 12-18-03, 05:30 PM	Heh, it's always fun having one character with really low int. and one with really high ina party. They make for great laughs.
The Stray 12-18-03, 05:35 PM	Hee hee hee...this little gem has been the sed of many a great in-joke in the game I run. The party consists of a Ranger, a Druid, and three others who's classes didn't have any bearing on this incident. The party had been stymied by a bear who was lairing in a cave that held the entrance to a dungeon the characters needed to explore. The Druid, in her compassion for all living things, suggests that the party wait until she finishes her daily prayers before doing anything about the bear. That way, she can act Animal Freindship on it and have a powerful animal companion to help them fight the evil cult they were investigating. The Ranger is the impatient sort. After the Druid's been praying ten minutes, he convinces the rest of the party to come with him and explore the lair, which is empty at the moment. When the bear returns, it is, understandably, a bit upset to find intruders looting its home. It growls and stands on hind legs to scare away the party. The party responds with deadly force. After a brief but bloody fight, the bear falls. The Ranger reminds the other characters that they haven't had breakfast yet, and it would be a shame to waste all this meat. So the druid returns to camp to find the party happily munching on the bear she'd planned to befriend.... Her response: "You ate the bear. :mymy: You ATE the bear? :OMG! You ATE the BEAR!?" :hoppingma :headexplo And much screaming rage ensued.
Didge 12-18-03, 06:36 PM	I played 1E & 2E (Homebrewed of course) and several spring to mind, but the details of all of them elude me atm. However I will post them later. But for the time being here are a couple of very funny (at least I think they are..and truly that's what counts). 1) Mid level group (3-5th level) finds a Dire Bear camped in an area in which our group is tasked to clear out any dangerous beasts. The fighter types wanted to rush in and go toe-to-claw with the bear, while the ranger and my thief (both the lowest level in the group) decided it would be best to climb a nearby tree and shoot safely from a distance. The ranger suggests 50 feet up ought to be high enough and I agreed. So the battle ensues, fighters draw out the dire bear, and the ranger and I start pelting it with arrows. The creature finally dies and the Ranger says, "I take one more shot to make sure it's dead" He then fumbles, rolls a result of Dex check or slip, of course fails the dex check and falls and dies and he lands on his neck snapping it like a twig (ie WAY more damage that he could have taken and lived). My thief looks down and goes, "whoops, watch that first step, it's a doosy." 2) Our low level (all 2nd level) group was hired to investigate a keep that was said to have a vampire lingering around the area. My thief did some research in character and found out what could harm vampires and the group decided since we were all low level and broke sharp pointy sticks would be all that we could afford. My character went off to the local temple and I asked the DM if I could buy some Holy water (had enough gold for that and a a couple of silvers left) he replied sure, thinking it was a good idea. I then asked if I could pick up some garlic at the local bazaar, again he said yes, as he though my character was realy trying to help because of myth and lore and such. I then asked if I could pick up a bellows at a forge. He hadn't quite put it together what I was doing and said yes, as I spent the last of my money. When the group rode out, I was the only one who had a super-soaker of holy water ready for any vampires (using the bellows, woo woo!) and I explained to my comrades that if the vampire went gaseous I could always use the bellows to capture him after I had used it to shoot him with my super-soaker of holy water. 3) had a group of mid-to-high level mages that traveled together and we did a dungeon crawl. Come to find out we discover a hidden temple down in the caverns. Well, they didn't like intruders and so a fight breaks out. We start blowing the bageesus out of these cleric types with massive invo-evo spells left and right, using summoned creatures to keep up out of combat and using our spells to devistate them killing, and massacring and the Dm explained that they just kept coming at us and they had smiles on their faces while they did this. Puzzled, we all managed to survive but in the process of exploring the temple, we discovered that these guys worshiped a god of "killing, massacre, and blood" and one of the three looks at the rest of us and said, "Hmm..I just had a thought...are generating devotional energy by killing all these priests?!?" Couldn't help but start laughing and continued laughing while we tried to take the rest of the module seriously. Didn't happen. 4) We had this other party that had a fairy wild-mage (don't ask) that used a wand of wonder that she called her (staff of fireballs) because she could manage the randomnes and almost always conjured a big fireball that saved the rest of the party from certain destruction. We were fighting a vampire and she and the rest of the party except my paladin and the fighter got knocked out of the fight, and the vampire went gaseous but couldn't escape (we were in a stone building, that we sealed and that had a ceiling of about 40 feet out of reach from the magical swords that the fighter and I had). I realized that the fairy had what I in character had thought was a wand of fireballs, so I grabbed it and shouted, "take that!" The DM had me roll, and what do you know, I got a fireball...the vampire was still there though. The fighter looks over at me and says, "here let me try..." aimed the wand of wonder at the gaseous form and shouts, "Fireball!" and heh, he got one too....that finished off the vampire and the DM looked at both of us with a blank look of I can't believe you managed to get two fireballs right in a row! (I think he wanted that vampire to be a major NPC for our group for awhile, heh oh well. 5) One of myfavorites was I was playing a 9th level theif that ended up taking a crossbow crit to the head which the DM ruled that it ended up being "tempory memory loss" along with lots of damage. I got healed but the temporary memory loss was still there later in the adventure. The group began to plan out how they were going to attack this once encampment of bad guys and they looked at me and said, "Go brush the horses" knowing I wouldn't be much help. I agreed and went to brush the horses. As they were still planning out their assualt I had snuck up on the bad guys and began combat and shouting, and causing alot of confusion. Later they asked me what I was doing, I said, "Doing what?" I continued this for the entire game, in character, out of character, just basically acting goofy and acting as though I did have short term memory loss until the group decided it would be for the benefit of the entire party to take me back and get me "right in the head" as one player put it. Heh, good times....I've got more but must get back to work.
Boothbey 12-19-03, 01:19 AM	1) Party was questioning a captured npc. One player had a dagger to the prisoner's throat trying to intimidate some answers out of him and failing. The prisoner made a snide remark. Second player takes offense and hits the prisoner in the back of the head...driving the prisoner's head forward and into the dagger at the throat killing him. Come to think of it...my players tend to have a few problems with prisoners... 2) Prisoner is tied to a table being questioned, but not tortured. First player gives the usual we will kill you if we dont get some answers soon speach. The exact words of the prisoner, "You haven't got the guts to kill me." The second player, a priest of DEATH, jumps up on the table above the prisoner with the two handed scythe. "Wanna bet?" CHOP. 3) Party finds a very nice ring and player, a rather ditzy female character, puts it on. You guessed it, a ring of 3 wishes. Of course they dont know this yet. An argument breaks out. Ring wearer turns to another player, "I wish you were dead." That character falls over dead. Realizing what happened she immediately wishes him back to life. Player springs back up going on with same arguement like nothing happened. Ring wearer looks at him, "No...I really do wish you were dead." Thump as a body hits the ground again.
Faeryl Zauvirr 12-19-03, 03:02 AM	This wasn't so much as IC but rather it involved the house rules page: Here's the quote: "9. Backgrounds should have prior DM approval. 10. Everyone is to taunt and abuse Gregs* character as they are generally poorly made and heavily cliched." *Name has been changed. This was totally unexpected and the DM at the time had little to no sense of humour. Needless to say, a house rule is a house rule...
E-Vile 12-19-03, 03:13 AM	freaking doubleposts
E-Vile 12-19-03, 03:15 AM	Originally posted by Boothbey 3)Party finds a very nice ring and player, a rather ditzy female character, puts it on. You guessed it, a ring of 3 wishes. Of course they dont know this yet. An argument breaks out. Ring wearer turns to another player, "I wish you were dead." That character falls over dead. Realizing what happened she immediately wishes him back to life. Player springs back up going on with same arguement like nothing happened. Ring wearer looks at him, "No...I really do wish you were dead." Thump as a body hits the ground again. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
YaoiGoddess 12-19-03, 04:23 PM	The Baron made us take his son on the job to retake his keep that had been overrun by gnolls. On our way in, we were ambushed by said gnolls and the Baron's son was killed. 4 days later, after we had retaken the keep and were halfway back to the town, someone asked "Ok, who's got the body in their bag of holding?" We all just looked at each other and ran all the way back to find the body laying where he'd been killed. His eye was gone and half his leg had been eaten. We stuck it in the bag and went back to the town. The next time we saw him, he had an eye patch and walked with a profound limp.... Needless to say, we did NOT get our reward for taking the keep.......
Didge 12-19-03, 06:13 PM	Just remembered another one... The DM (being an avid computer programmer) was using a self-made program to generate Major NPC's in his town, it would randomly generate level, alignment, name, equipment, etc., all that good stuff. Our group had just pulled off a successful mission and had a large chunk of cash to spend on magic items. The DM said there was only one place and we all ran there as fast as we could. Someone in the group asked what the name of the wizard was so that they could keep track of who could commision what items in each town. The DM said, "Oh, the wizard's name is Fonzde" and another player without missing a beat said, "heyyyyyy" and held up two thumbs like the fonz from Happy Days. Everyone cracked up, and noone could say his name with a straight face or without doing a bad fonz imitation. Needless to say, we never got our magic items made from that mage....oh well at least the DM was cool about... "heyyyyy" (holding out two thumbs up).
Caltsar 12-20-03, 04:32 PM	My players got into the habit of bursting through doors screaming "WE ARE INVINCIBLE!!!!!!" They got into the habit of doing this in every door of every dungeon. So one day I decide to make a room with the floor 40 ft below the door (ladder going down to the bottom). The floor was a large pool with spikes sticking out from it:smirk: Anyway they ran into the room screaming "WE ARE INVINCIBLE!!!!" DM: You are in the air 40ft above a large pool of water. You notice many deadly looking spikes sticking out from the pool. Players: :censored: !!!!! DM: OK, everyone roll a D20, if you get a 17 or higher, no modifiers, you won't hit the spikes and, well, we'll get to the consequences later. Players: ::rolling:: , ::breathing a huge sigh of relief:: (they ALL got 17 or higher) DM: ............
The Stray 12-20-03, 09:07 PM	:heehee
Nova Fujit 12-20-03, 10:31 PM	ok...well i guess it my turn...and i have a good list of them but i'll spare most of them Luck: ok i was running through the fighters challenge with my Paladin later to pick up the wurmslayer kit (2nd ed.) but anyway.. i got all the way up to the point where i got attacked by harpies (i was level 7 at the time so i was not enlisting any help) about mid way through the fight my luck falls though...1 critical miss my sword goes across the room...good thing i have a back up 1...hmm there goes my other sword...what the heck i pull out my footmans lance in which i carried over my back 1 the DM had enough of me throughing my weapons across the room...you slip and fall in the muck below your feet...ok i use my next action to stand up....now KILL THEM ........................................ ..1..................................... . klang klang klang...."that would be the sound of my lance falling down the tunnel right?" said to the GM as i stare at him with and odd expression...."yes" at this point i am a little bit baffled and low on hp....but i knew they where to...so hand to hand i go...running would be dishonorable...so i jump and grab one of there legs pull him to the ground and knock him out (yay one down) at this moment i run to franticly look for my main sword buried in the muck at this point i get picked up by the harpie into the air and dropped down and hit the floor solid...killing me at this point i shrug and look at the GM and said...who woulda thought ________________________________________ ___________ now at this point that gives you a taste of what my luck was like...it was not just that gaming session at least EVERY time we gamed i was expected to critically miss...and i became known as a clumbsy person... so after a year and a half and going down from level 8 to 1 again and picking up my wurmslayer kit and fighting my way back up the xp chart (still haveing all the problems as before) we add on a player...we made long use of our gaming session and made our way to level 10 least i was...our new friend Sandrock (a level 8 warrior) was starting to believe that i was not cracked up to be all of the legend that i was portayed as... so i told him my stories of dragons and glorious tells they were....in which he came to believe that how could this clumbsy person kill such a powerful beast....they must be waist high and no breath weapon....he never showed me the respect that i diserved so.... we go after some bandits unknown to us that they all were just pawns of a green dragon(i can't remember how old it was but i think it was an adult) as the dragon emerged from the woods...before Sandrock had a chance to react BLAM breath weapon...Sandrock roll your save for half...fail...Sandrock falls to the ground choking as this green mist feels the air (-14hp dead) Nova roll save...sure...pass...ok you take no damage (due to the shield that my god grants me as protection from breathe weapons) needless to say there was a few NPC's that droped and my and my cleric friend stood at the end...alive... so Sandrock risen from the grave with a ressurection uses all of his power to scream WHERE WAS THE WIZARD HIDING...he never believe...
Tigra 12-21-03, 05:04 PM	:heehee
Hilln 12-23-03, 02:58 PM	Lucky you :heehee
Faeryl Zauvirr 12-25-03, 03:58 AM	Last session, something happened that was very similar to The Stray's first story. We had come across a cave that we wanted to spend the night in, but it was inhabited by a fierce bear. The party at the time (Druid, Rogue, Fighter, Ranger) where heavily wounded from a previous encounter and dared not fight the bear. We instead tried to camped in the open. The Fighter and the Druid where arguing fiercily about the cave incident but eventually gave up trying to convince each other after dinner. The fighter, determined not to spend the rest of the night (the character hated sleeping 'under the stars') in the open got the rogue and headed back to the cave. The cave was empty but they spotted the bear off to the distance. The fighter charged and the rogue flanked and after a tough fight they managed to bring down the bear. Suddenly the Ranger emerge. The Druid had gone missing from the camp and he traced the her/bear tracks to this battleground. In the distance the remaining PCs see the real bear go back into its cave...
wdarkk 12-25-03, 04:38 AM	That must have required some real non-metagaming!
nagilfarswake 12-25-03, 09:59 AM	i too am impressed by those players. but man o man, would that suck.
The Stray 12-25-03, 11:03 PM	hee hee hee...did they have breakfast afterwards? :D Another gem that we've dug up from our game is a trip the characters took to search a cursed and haunted mansion. For this adventure I had instituted Ravenloft-style fear checks, since this was ment to be a horror adventure. By this time the group had changed a little. We still had the Druid, but we also had a half-orc ex-cleric of the Death God (now a Fighter with good Will saves), a dual-scimitar wielding human fighter, and a Ranger/Rogue scout, along with an NPC Rogue who was the fighter's wife. They'd gotten past the front gate, which was a gate trapped with a perpetual Shocking Grasp trap (this is important later). They'd made their way onto the rickety porch and were deciding how best to deal with the locked door. The fighter came up with the "bright" idea of knocking in one of the windows. He punches his fist through one of the porch windows...and is treated to a spectaularly gruesome illusion that seemed to rot his fleshs from the arm up. All the characters get a little freaked by this, but the fighter and the scout lose their composure entirely (both rolled 1's on their Will saves...ouch). The best fighters in the group, who've faced down minotaurs, ogres, bone devils, and strange magical beasties without so much as a twitch, panic. :eek: :OMG! "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" The scout starts running about, screaming like a chicken with his head chopped off. The fighter soils himself and runs away...into the electrified gate. ZAP! Bouncing off of it, he looks up, dazed, looks back at the house, then runs forward again, with the same results. ZAAAAAP! Then he did it AGAIN. :twitch: To this day, the Half-orc's player likes to incessantly make bug-zapper comments whenever they go down into spooky dungeon areas... (incidentally, I gave him much experiance points for such excellent rping.)
Auldrek 12-26-03, 11:16 PM	Wow...I laughed my ass off at a few of these. :) I have a simple one that sticks in my mind.... I was playing a short tempered barbarian. I think it was the first Temple of Elemental evil module. Anyway my dm had a penchant for pushing the short tempered Barbarian's buttons. It seems every other villager in the Nolb (I think that was the village name) had an attitude problem. Never anything I could do of course without provoking attacks from guards. Well... i decided i could start punching them in the face and since I did not use deadly force I got away with it with minimal hassel. So...then the abuse toward me graduated to yelling from a distance, and the old bird flipping routine with mad cackels following my distress. Apparently my barbarian had made a name for himself as a bad ass of sorts and all maner of person had to have the better of me...from a long distance of course. This sort of stuff continued and we eventually passed through a less reputable town with guards I could well...kill. Extra precautions where taken by my DM. "You see a villager in a 3 story building about 30 yards away. He is leering at you through a window and giving you the finger as he laughs in your face!" I had enough. I calmy stated I was pulling out my throwing axe. My DM just had the npc laugh all the harder gesturing wildly at me from the distance. Of course I could not hope to hit him at that distance. F*ck it I thought. I hurl my throwing axe... (At this point I stand up and show my anger) CALLED SHOT AT HIS F*CKING FINGER! Everyone in the room was laughing and goading me on of course. There was no way I could make it. Ya you guessed it. I rolled a Natural 20! I then proceded to assault the building he was in, drag the bleeding fool to the street and yell at the top of my lungs to a crowd of people to look at what happens to fools who dare to flip me the bird from the so called safety of far away places. Needless to say no one else gave me the finger anymore...unless they could back it up! :)
Wishling 12-26-03, 11:45 PM	In high school (the 80's) I DMed a solo adventure for a Half-Ogre character. The PC tried to tackle a whole tribe of goblins (at first level Fighter) and was knocked unconscious by an overwhelming action. Since he was a "monster," I ruled that the goblins stripped him naked and threw him back out into the dungeon, amidst jeers and Bronx cheers. Vaghn was a 3E Int 8 Paladin who was being shown the "Book of Minor Darkness" (from an adventure I found on the web) by an Undead doppleganger who was trying to corrupt him. He rolled Will saves to see if the book influenced him. Two consecutive low rolls would have had him starting to doubt his alignment while two consecutive high rolls would have emboldened him against the book, permanently. His rolls were (I kid you not): 1, 20, 1, 20, 1, 20, 1, 14. We had a great time with his "No way, foul creature of darkness. You will never tempt me!" turning to "But I think he's got something there!" until he finally broke the cycle. I am having the die checked for bias. Finally, as a player in a 1E adventure (80's again) I played a legless, 11th level Charisma 4 Magic-user (he was the victim of a failed teleport. The legs, that is. The Cha is just how he was born). The "So that's what an invisible wall looks like!" joke had already been told. We were holding off a bandit raiding party, and I had cast an invisible wall of force and a slow spell on the bandits. One of the bandits bumped, slow-motion, right into the invisible wall. So, predictably, and to the agony of all listening, I said: "Sssssssssooooooooooooo...thhhhhhhaaaaaaa aaat'ssss...wwwwhhhhaaaaaaaaaattttt...aa aaannnnn...innnnvvisssibbblllllle...wwww aaaaaalllllllll...lllllloooooooookkkksss sss...llllllliiiiiiiikkkke!" -Nick
wdarkk 12-27-03, 12:23 AM	Wishling - spaces, please.
Trajan WhiteShield 12-27-03, 02:14 AM	In a game I play in, we had a hilarious situation a while back. Our party consisted of a cleric of Fharlangn (NPC), a flumpf wizard (NPC), a halfing rogue (PC), a druid w/a dire squirrel companion (PC), and my fighter. We were on our way to a town further down the road, and came across a druid looking for help, saying that a dying woman (dryad gone mad) was damaging the forest. After some scrapes and scares, we get near the dryad's tree (now blasted beyond reckoning). The dryad has beside this tree a dire frog companion (roughly horse sized), and our ever so thoughtful druid comes up with the idea of talking to the frog while the rest of us hang back int he trees. The conversation goes roughly as follows: Druid: "Hello, friend frog." Frog: "Hungry." Druid: "What happened to your master's tree?" Frog: "Flames. Hungry." *Frog starts leaning towards the druid. D: "What kind of flames?" F: "Black. Hungry." *Frog is only inches from druid's face* D: "Black flames, you say?" Frog: Gulp! Burp! *Frog grabs and swallows druid whole* After the rest of us got done mocking the lack of common sense in our druid, we hacked the frog apart, freeing her. The character is now played with a distinct fear of frogs... which led to more hijinks once our party got a jade frog that magically turned into a dire frog on command...:angel:
The Stray 12-27-03, 07:20 AM	One of the characters is an elvish druid/cleric (I gave the players a chance to switch classes a bit when we upgraded to 3.5). typical waifish elf, though her description is mildly bizzare (she's got slightly translucent skin). Another character is a rough and tumble brutish Half-orc with black skin (it's been revealed that he's actually a half-dragon growing into his powers and apperance). These two could not be any less alike. Yet for some reason the orc, with slightly evil tendencies, who worshipped the God of Death, Destruction, and Slaughter, went out of his way to get the elf lady, who worships the goddess of nature and life (and thus is the Death God's mortal enemy) ressurected when she died.:uh-huh: Then, to top it all off (once he realized that his act had put him in serious hot water with the Death Deity, i.e. he lost all of his clerical powers and is now being hunted by the Death God's agents), instead of atoning, he turns around and starts dating the elf. :looloo: :uh-huh: :looloo: This has lead to several IG comments about "What does she see in him?" and "What would the children look like?" The scary thing is, the players are having these characters do their level best in the bedroom to find out... :twitch: :twitch: :twitch: :twitch:
cthulhu42 12-27-03, 08:16 AM	This is back in the 2E days. So I'm DMing a group that contains a human female fighter, and elven male magic user thief/thief, and a human female magic-user. Medb (pronounced Mave), Lafarian, and Emma respectivly. It should be noted that while Madb was played by a woman, both Lafarian and Emma were played by men. It should also be noted that Lafarian and Medb had a thing going on (in character). Anyway, these three and their friend assault the BBEG's tower, work their way through it, defeat the BBEG, and locate his treasure room. They're going through the goods when Lafarian finds a ring. Like an idiot, he puts it on! Well, of cours its cursed, and it makes him want to kill a random party member. So I pass a note to Lafarian's player that reads... "You think that now would be a good time to take Emma out!" OK, granted, I could have been more specific, but I never drempt that he wouldn't get it. So he sits there for a few minutes while the rest of the party counts up the loot, and then suddenly looks at me and says, "I goose her!" I look at him, my jaw dropped. "WHAT?" I ask. "I goose Emma!" He replies. I'm still not getting what the hell he's talking about, or it won't sink in. "I goos her!" he insists. "You know, I give her a finger to the rear! I GOOSE her!" So now I'm thinking that this must somehow be part of his eleborate plan to kill Emma, so I say, "Uhhh, okayyyyyyyy." So Lafarian gooses Emma, and by the way, these two arn't the best of friends anyway, either in game or out, and so Emma whips around, ready to turn him into ash, but Lafarian tries to kiss her first! Then Medb sees all this going down, and no way is she putting up with her man messing around with magic-user booty, so she up and whacks him with the flat of her blade. Trouble is, shes buff and he's a fly weight, and her warning slap sends him across the room, nearly killing him! So he's wounded, Emma's ready to fry him, and Medb is now considering going after Emma. I see the party about to disinigrate before my eyes, and I yell, "STOP!" I look at Lafarians player, flabbergasted, "What the blue blazes are you DOING?" I finaly sputter out. He looks at me and shakes the note I'd given him. "You told me to take her out!" he cries. "Right!" I say, "Take her out! Kill her! Lafarian thinks that now would be a good time to KILL Emma!" The player looks at me, stunned, then finaly, "Oh. I thought you ment take her out. Like take her out on a date." Twenty minutes later we were still laughing, but I was able to get out, "OK, 1) Your an idiot! 2) What planet do you live on where the prefered way to attract a womans interest is to goose her? 3) See number 1!" I still play with the guy. It never gets boreing when he's at the table!
RRG 12-27-03, 09:21 AM	Ok, this was one of those message board games. Basically, it was four people; Kyle, the elven bard (mine), Oliver, the human fighter, some wizard (can't remember his name), and Camvale, the elf rogue. We're hired by a wizard to go north of the city to some ruins, and bring back this staff that once belonged to a cult devoted to a now-dead red dragon. Now note, it was originally only Oliver and Kyle on the expidition, but Oliver HAD to go and suggest that we bring a thief and a mage along. Yeehaw. Our first rest point along the way, we come across a gnoll trading post (in this campaign, the gnolls weren't exactly the raiding, pillaging fiends they once were; they had some connection to the Wizard we were working for.) In the middle of the town is a perfectly fine inn, but Oliver decides, "No, it's too risky, we should sleep out with the horses." Great. Kyle was planning on sleeping in a nice, comfy bed, and instead we get to sleep with the horses. Well, Oliver has enough sense to send Camvale and Kyle inside to see if anyone knows we're here. (You see, Oliver was pseudo-famous for saving a druids grove from a Black Dragon, whose scales he wears for armor, but this was before Kyle came into the game.) We immeadiatly sit own and start chatting with the owner of the inn, we don't let anything slip, but eventually, he sends in the head, um, "mistress," to set us up with their female employees. Well, Camvale chickens out, and while Kyle's being his normal self and chatting with the ladies (think Rush Hour 2) Oliver busts in and drags me out to the barns. Being only a simple bard archer, Kyle couldn't get Oliver to let go of him until thye got to the stables. Oliver then berated Kyle for "screwing up the mission" because I had accidently let slip that Oliver was here. Kyle managed to talk his way out of it, and was about to to back inside, until Oliver tied Kyle to one of the posts. Talk about party abuse :( So, after a stop at the grove that Oliver once killed the Black Dragon at, Kyle finally gets the full story as to what happened there from the Gnoll Druid. It turns out that Oliver's HORSE killed the dragon, by giving it a kick to the eye with one of it's hooves. Oliver didn't mention that part :D Oe lat stop before the ruins; an abandoned sihp. Kyle and Camvale went aboard to have a look around. Kyle found a cargo manifest, showing that the ship contained at least 500 pounds in emeralds, diamonds, etc. Paydirt. Of course, no DM would allow something so good to happen without a few surprises, and Kyle and Camvale hear Oliver outside talking to someone. Well, it turns out that a WITCH has been taking all the cargo out of it. Kyle hears her name, and then looks at the cargo manifest; if turns out the witch was once one of the passengers. Kyle takes a peak outside, and sees two hobgoblins and an ogre with her. Taking a look at the manifest once more, it turns out there was a hobgoblin aboard the ship as a passenger! Oliver accidently lets slip that Camvale and I are aboard the ship, so here come the two hobgoblins, who are dressed in full plate armor. THANK YOU OLIVER. You see, Oliver was level 10, so this kind of thing was not a big deal for him, but Camvale and I were only... level 3. Fun stuff. The only way Camvale and I survived was because I hit one of tem with daze, the wizard hit them both with sleep, and we bombarded the pair with arrows. Meanwhile, Oliver duked it out with a big ol' ogre, killed him, and then had a fireball dropped on him by the witch. She immeadiatly cast invisibility or something and ran off. Right afterwords, the wizard dissapeared through a magical portal, along with one of our pack horses. (Actually, the player left because he was a rules lawyer and had a slight argument with the DM over how long his Sleep spell lasted. He managed to get Oliver on his side, since Oliver was a little upset over a disagreement with the DM over his number of attacks per round, but Camvale and I, since it was only through what we believed to be the DM fudging the rolls, survived, we stayed neutral on the whole matter.) We finally make it to the ruins, and spend about a week game-time exploring the ruins. We find a single trapdoor, but at that point the game fell apart because everyoe had some real life problems they had to take care of. So about a week or two ago (real time) Kyle stumbled his way back into the city and got in a meeting with the Wizard. The Wizard wasn't happy with the results, since it had cost him quite a bit of money to fund the expidition, but Kyle remembered the cargo manifest aboard the ship (which I had brought along), and he gave it to the Wizard. It was enough to cover the cost of the trip, and probably fund another one. So, as I sat down at the table of the inn to get a drink, who should bust through the door but, OLIVER! Well, according to his side of the story, Camvale and Kyle had abandoned him, (my side of the story was we all went our seperate ways once reaching the city) so he drew his sword and started charging at me! Luckily, the wizard's bodyguard stopped the fight, brought Oliver into a meeting with the Wizard, and the Wizard sent us both to a table to sort out our stories, since neither of ours matched. So, the story we ended up agreeing on was this; Camvale and I left Oliver at the ruins, but Camvale had told me that Oliver sent us on ahead, and was going to pick up some stuff we left at the grove. Then, once we reached hte city, Camvale abandoned Kyle. Well, we get back to the Wizard, and Oliver starts accusing the Wizard of setting him up to fial so he would be in the Wizard's debt! The Wizard is quite mad, and is about to dismiss Oliver and banish him from the city (which he has the capability of doing) when I step in and plead for one more chance at the ruins, or at least the chance to get the cargo. So basically, Kyle's trying to talk his AND Oliver's way out of this mess. Still awaiting the reply from the dm :smirk:
the_fools_wildhunt 12-28-03, 02:07 AM	A couple of short ones: As a DM: Player is interrogating a 1/2 orc Zhentiler in Arabel. 1/2 Orc: "You cannot hold me, I have broken no offence and committed no law". Player: ????? (I was really tired by that stage) As Player: My Male Bard catches a cute elven girl trying t steal his Elven Chain from his room. Not the nastiest guy but a bit a bit sarcastic he flicks her a copper coin as she climbs out the window, to "help out" she throws it back in disgust. With a high juggle score (2nd Ed) i plan to look bemused and cool and catch between two fingers and put it away in 1 smooth action. A Crit Failure 1 later, and she falls out of the window in laughter as I catch it between the eyes and almost get KOd. :(
Merestil Haye 12-28-03, 10:26 AM	I recalled this while reading the thread and chuckling. I was running a campaign once set in Ravenloft. The PCs had gone up against a dungeon where the lich was trying to become the local domain lord. During the exploration of this dungeon another player shows up, and I agree to him importing a character from an old campaign that had run it's course. A one-eyed dwarf fighter. With his armour, which was sentient, possessed of all the capabilities of it's owner, and capable of leaving the character and going it's own way if crossed. Usually complete with the weapon the character was holding. Exploring the lower recesses of the dungeon, the characters find a cache of potions. I forget what happened exactly, but for some reason the dwarf started to drink potions (which had not been identified). He chose easily the worst single potion in the batch, the potion of grave elemental control. He then drank a potion of flying. The player then remembered that he had only just drunk the other potion. And this being second edition, I went for the potion miscibility table. The roll? "One of the potions becomes permanent". Being a kind-hearted soul I decided that the Fly potion became permanent, rather than having to deal with the decay of the PC into evil. The session ended soon afterwards. Before the next session I found myself chatting to an old friend and remarking on this. He made a comment which cracked me up, and I decided to adopt it. Next session. The dwarf, after a little experimentation, has discovered that he can fly. He decides to take to the air. He gets about 45' up and a metallic voice says "get down at once". Dwarf "No". Armour "You heard me. Land at once". Dwarf "Make me". Armour "If you want me I'll be down on the ground, where I'm meant to be" and starts removing itself from the character, reassembling and flying down to the ground. After a few minutes with the poor naked dwarf chasing the armour around, it finally repents and allows itself to be put on. However, it insists that it will never allow itself to fly arondlike that again. And so there you have it. The only set of armour in D&D history that suffers from vertigo.
Xanxost the Slaadi 12-28-03, 12:11 PM	Hello mortals! Xanxost would like to share a story too. The cast of this story is a Female Druid...Human for the time being (lots and lots of reincarnations). Another cast member, Male Githzerai Tattooed Monk. These mortals didn't have much of a law about not beating the crap out of each other, and did so on a regualr basis. One time the two of them got into a more heated argument than usual, they decided to have a sort of duel. The two of them started out normally, eventually the Druid started getting the worst of it, so she wildshaped into a hawk and flew away. The Githzerai could fly too and followed after her. They had a nice arial battle thoughout Sigil, soon the monk used an item to create and antimagic field on himself. So whenever he got near the Druid, she turned human again and fell to the street. Soon, the Druid figured that flying wasn't helping her out, so she started busting through businesses, trying to lose the Monk long enough to heal herself. Finally, she wildshapes into a mouse and crawls through cracks in the wall into another building, and into another crack, she stays there because the crack in the wall was a dead end and she figured that Monk wouldn't be able to find her. The Monk saw her scurry into that building, so he starts searching for her. Everyone seemed to have forgotten that he had an antimagic field on him that followd him around. As soon as the Monk stepped within ten feet of the Druid, she turned from a mouse into a human...in a crack in the wall. Basically, the Monk walked towards the wall, and blood and gore just shot out, spraying the area, as the Druid (or her remains) was violently expelled from the tiny crack. Everyone laughed long and hard, just thinking about that imagery. No real playing was had after that for at least an hour. The Druid was later reincarnated again...her player should have just written her race on a post-it note.
Walker Blackheart 12-28-03, 05:20 PM	Our party ran intoa monastery full of monks who were.... well.... gay..... no one realized it until 10 PM, and when they did, it was too late.... needless to say everyone slept in their armor on their backs that night
Cyrus_Dracmoore 12-28-03, 10:54 PM	I was playing a low level wizard who believed he was a god. The wiz was a dick to everyone, including his own party. The monk in the party got mad and asked if I wanted to box. Failing to remember he was a monk/fighter, I put up my fists, and get punched in the face (+ a power attack) and dropped to -12 :eek: Edit: naughty words
Wishling 12-29-03, 01:18 AM	I had a 2nd edition Psionicist (actually a sort of take on the Kai Lord idead from Lone Wolf). Our party needed to travel a long distance, and I thought, "Hey! I have the power Dream Travel! We could all travel in my dream and get there a lot faster!" The unfortunate part is, I actually said this out loud. Everything seemed to be going fine until the DM informed me that the region through which we traveled was rife with "bad vibes" or some such, and we ended up going through a nightmare instead of a dream. We got there, all right. Then, the other party members took turns hitting me. I had about two hit points left when they finally let up. I genuinely felt picked on! Of course, it wasn't MY fault! Also, during the same adventure, I had to guess a word that would activate a magical trapdoor. One four-letter f-word later, and it opened! That's what happens when the DM asks me to come up with a verb. He made a random roll to see if it was the right command word. I got lucky! ;) -Wishling
lordyuri24 12-29-03, 02:09 AM	All I can say is that tying a dog to a tree is a good idea, tying a Androsphinx to a Treant isn't.
Kyaran 12-29-03, 02:11 AM	Originally posted by Cyrus_Dracmoore The monk in the party got mad and asked if I wanted to box. Hehe. Back around 2nd level in a game I'm in... The monk and the dwarven armorsmith (fighter) are waiting around for someone to do something else in-game. They decide to have a little friendly sparring match, as the dwarf has yet to see the monk's unarmed fighting prowess. The monk wins initiative, strolls up to the dwarf and pops him one. Crit. The dwarf winds up to clock the monk, then suffers his attack of opportunity. Crit. The dwarf falls to the floor to take a widdle nap. :zzz: The dwarf was very put out at being so completely ineffective in a fight. And against a human, at that!
StratoS 12-29-03, 03:44 AM	i probebly posted this before in a similar topic, but it's a great story anyway so what the heck. the basic party (so to speak) consisted out of a human wizard, half-orc barbarian and a gnome fighter, a humand sorcerer (me), and a elven ranger i think. now officialy my sorcerer, the wizard the barbarian and the gnome fighter where in the city watch. working as watch men. Now my sorcerer, was a typical chaotic neutral person. and could best be described as a sceming sort of person. mostly looking out for himself, and others if he could spare the time. now my character had just saved a fair lady who was held by a cleric. long story short, the lady was a assassin. my character and the NPC had lots in common. (especially our love for power and money) and since whe worked nicly together whe looked out for eatchother. and did the occasional job. (and becouse i was officaly a watch man, i had information about how things where run in the law enforcement sector) offcourse after some time, the wizard and the barbarian found out that i was friends with the notorious assassin that had been stalking the streets for weeks now. so to save my hide i promised them to betray her and set her up. Only i soon found out, that she had gotten word of my betrayel. and she had kidnapped by pet familiar. (a raven) So then i devised a plan with her, to double cross my friends. this plan backfired but she manages to escape out of the city into the forest. I sadly did not. so i was put into prison. there i amused myself with humurous use of silent image. the old "playing cards with a balor" joke. (to send guards raising the alarm) and a silent image of the assassin lock picking the lock. (while i rattled some metal for sound effect) to let them raise the alarm again. meanwhile the party was heavily pre-occupied with planning for war. since the elves had declared war onto the human city for chopping too much wood. (offcourse led by the eleven ranger) so becouse i was such a annoyense, they chose to kick me out of the city. after some wandering to the woods i was soon captured by the elves as a human spy. (yay) I explained that i was not a spy but that i came to help them, and that i had valueble information about the city defences. (which i had for a small part becouse of my job at the watch) there i also met the assassin i had worked with. (she had bacily done the same thing as me.) soon whe constructed a plan where whe would assassinate the now chief of the watch gnome fighter. so me and the assassin sneaked back to the city, and whe went over the wall with some help of of her inside sources. (and a feater token to communicate) there i cut my hair, and used a disguese and took on a new identity. after two failed assassination attempts. (grumble) they again captured me, and was forced to only tell the truth by a zone of truth. (here a great deal of the basis of my character was put, basicly just keeping to double cross evryone. loyalty? who needs it) now here comes the funny part. they had heard that there may have been tree ents reqruited by the elves. so the uber smart wizard asked me the following questions. *wizard* "So when you where in the elven camp, did you see any tree's?" *me* "umm yes?" *cleric* "He speaks the truth" *wizard* "damnit, that's not what i meant. i mean did you see any living tree's?" *me* "Even saw some dead ones too, if you count branches and all" *cleric* "He speaks the truth, but perhaps you should ask a bit more specific." (agitated now, din't like the wizard anyway) *wizard* "ok ok, did you see any ents in the camp?" *me* "If you tell me what a ent is i could answer that for you?" (yeah id seen ents in the camp, but i'm still not lying :P ) *wizard* "a ent is a moving tree" *me* "yup, almost all the tree's where moving" and i made some arm gestures to indicate a tree moving in the wind. *cleric* "i've got other duty's to do, unless you have some sensible questions to ask him, i'm gone back to the church" needless to say evryone was laughing except the player of the wizard :) and as side note, playing a back stabing person pays off :) my character is now still alive and has outlived 5 or 6 party's :) (2 of which he has killed himself, but still) At a later date, the entire party. (my sorcerer, a wizard, a rogue and a paladin) where exploring the hidden ruins of the city under the current city. there whe found a hidden cave leading to the underdark. (well at that point whe din't knew it was the underdark. there wasn't a sign or anything) there whe stumbled into the lair of a ancient black dragon. (yippy) the black dragon put a geas on all of us, to bring him gold. (now your heaving questions in your mind, but let me tell you, my dm at that time was a genious) The paladin however had to swear that he would return on his gods name. so naturally the second i was above ground i had the damn thing removed. (yes the urge to give him the gold was great, but the urge to keep the gold was greater :) ) The paladin however was flat broke, not a gold piece on him. so after a week (that was the set time the dragon agreed on) the paladin returned. (alone :) (all the others had had there geas removed.)) now here comes the genious bit. the paladin had no money to offer the dragon. so the dragon made a deal with the paladin. he should bring my sorcerer before him, to make it up. (my charcter at the time was chaotic evil. (something to do with a party whipe out) ) so the paladin agreed. and used his braclet of friends to summon me to him. (i failed my will save) (fiendish device that braclet of "supposed" friends) The paladin, now had furfilled the dragons request, and he tried to use his helm of teleport to teleport us both to safety. this failed, since there was a antimagic feld. the dragon then took my character in his claw, and flew away into the giagantic cave where his lair was. now the paladin was fallen. he had aided a evil creature. (twice if your counting) and that had been the black dragons plan all along :) (after that i struck a deal with the dragon, where i would "push" the paladin into the way of evil. In exchange for my life, and some spells from the mindflayers he had under his controle) (the end plan of the black dragon was to make a black guard out of the paladin) At the end the paladin did not became a black guard, but happily i also never saw that dragon again. so my character din't realy mind.
StratoS 12-29-03, 03:44 AM	-=double post=-
Wishling 12-29-03, 11:26 AM	A nifty little module called "The Goblin Fair" finally did in a two player party. They (Drendeil, a Halfling Rogue4) and Druaz (a Half-Elven Bard3/Ranger1) were looking for the Goblin Fair, and had just passed the Goblin Skeet game that two Elves were playing when a Goblin Sorcerer asked them for a toll to cross a bridge. They refused, of course, so the two Ogres came out from under the bridge to take it out of their hides. Though the Bard scared the Goblin away, the Ogres clobbered the two PCs. Both managed to stabilize at negative hp, and the Goblin came back and decided to sell them into slavery. They woke up at the Goblin Fair in a slave tent, where they were bought by a Lawful Evil NPC Shadow Mage who had been their companion in the past. Melikon offered them their freedom in exchange for all the loot on their next adventure together. Which never happened. The two PCs confidently walked into an old woman's tent who was offering some tasty wares. The old woman was a Green Hag in disguise. The PCs were promptly eaten. We tried a Dungeon World adventure where the characters were dead in a sort of strange afterlife dungeon, but it was just too gruesome and the players lost interest (I used the variant dungeon offered in Campaign magazine). Which just goes to show you. Never take goodies from a stranger.
Hilln 12-29-03, 11:55 AM	StratoS :heehee:heehee:heehee:heehee
SpellMaster 12-29-03, 12:17 PM	I dm'ed a short, one night game a while back, with two of my friends. The both of them, level 1 rogues each, were hired to steal back a jeweled dagger from a mansion. They began well, sneaking over the walls and up to the mansion. But then everything went bad. Player 1 climbed up a trellis to the roof, hoping to find an attic entrance. Player 2 ran back to the entrance to the mansion grounds and knocked out the guard there and stole his uniform. He then walked up to the house (very good disguise check) and went into the soldier's quarters. Player 1 on top was watching the grounds, slipped, made a little noise (I rolled a 20 a listen check though), and then a large guard snuck up through the attic entrance (that the player had never found), rolled a 20 on his move silently check, snuck up on the player, and almost hit him, but was eventually made to fall off the roof and almost die. Anyways, cover blown, the player on the roof is unable to find his friend, and so decides to cover the path to the entrance with his crossbow. Player 2, still in guard uniform, dispatches one guard in the house, steals the dagger, and begins to run towards the entrance. Player 1, seeing a guard running towards the entrance, shoots, gets a critical hit, and drops the guard, who was really his ally. Player 1 then climbs down the trellis, to find a large guard there ready for him with a longsword. The PC barely gets rid of him (lucky critical), and then runs towards the entrance, completely passing the dead "guard" by. He then gets shot with crossbows from the mansion, going into negatives. Suffice to say, we ended the night there. The beautiful thing was, Player 1 never had a clue that it was player 2 in the guard uniform until player 2's face went white. It was the best thing ever, when, both in game, and out of game, you can trick the PCs.
TempestadiossA 12-30-03, 07:14 AM	We had just finished char creation and I was in doubt with the name for my Half-Celestial cleric. The guy who roleplays Grunch the Half Orc barb: "Mauro" (all of the players including the DM start laughing) -- We had to go to a village near Greyhawk for they needed help clearing out a swamp infested by trolls and we got onto the cart. A man was riding the horse which were carrying the cart. Half Orc "I caress his head on our way to the village" -- After finding out some Hextor followers were to attack Geryhawk's Heironeous temple we had to quickly go away before getting slain by a slew of evil soldiers. Half Orc "I wanna steal a carpet before going" DM "there's a table on it" Me "who cares, we're gonna take it away and get the carpet" (we managed to it) Once in Greyhawk, the Half Orc wants to sell the carpet Shopkeeper "That's a beautiful carpet indeed, I can pay 1250gp for it" Half Orc "Deal...I scowl at him, then I lick him and go away" P.S. Sorry 4 my poor Eng but I'm too lazy to go get my dictionary and look stuff up :P
Skyrocket 12-30-03, 11:13 AM	Here's a short but funny one that happened between me, another player named Matt and Dom, the DM. The party had just meet Matt's character (one he'd created just before we got started) and he was describing him to us. Matt: Okay, he's an elf in a black cloak. He's wearing a mask with a design of a tear rolling down the cheek coming from one eye-- Me (singing loudly): The power of the music of the night! (dead silence) Matt: What the... Dom: Oh! I get it! Hahahaha! That's the mask from Phantom of the Opera. Matt: What? Aw, dammit! You're right! We all had a good laugh at Matt's expence that night.
Taross 12-31-03, 08:26 AM	It seems that our regular party, no matter what we play, has the potential for incredible bumbling ~bred~ into itself. Imagine a party created under 2dn edition Spells and Powers optional rules, and all of us have at least one Wizard class. We're. A Fire Elementalist, who lights up in flame when casting spells. A Necromancer, causing a cold wind.. A Conjurer, who causes it to ~snow~ A Transmuter who sounds a big gong and, An illusionist who's thankfully silent. We're all hiding inside a mine, outside of which there's a great army of intelligent undead. Patrols are also monitoring the mine, and we barely managed to give one the slip by ducking into one of two corridors, and the illusionist cast invisibility. Now, we're wondering if we can get out of the corridor safely, so the Transmuter opts to go see.. and changes himself into a mouse. After the tell-tale "Are you sure you want to do this?" question of th DM, he nodded.. So the DM went "GONGGGG" We all facevaulted, and then decided to prepare our spells for the incoming patrol. Little did we know that the echoing gong could not be traced. Different was the corridor that was lighting with fire, and out of which it snowed on a firm, chill wind. *** Same party, further on the story. We find ourselves going to a location where there is said to be something we need to further our quest. Inside this cave, we find a ~HUGE~ Iron Golem, instructed to attack anything moving near it. We can't take it out, so we distracted it with some Evards' Black Tentacles. They sprouted near the golem and they moved.. and we snuck by. In the next room we're confronted by this set of heavy doors. Locked as is visible by the extremely heavy, and magically fastened bars on ~our~ side of the door. Of course, we had to say "What idiot locks their doors on the outside, anyone could get in." After removing them and seeing what came ~OUT~ we were all happy to be able to Teleport.. and fast.
keith187 01-01-04, 03:59 PM	I was playingin a game and we just killed a giant. Our DM had those in melee roll to get out of the way of the falling body. One of us failed and got pinned under the giant. So we're all thinking about how to get him out from under it, when we decide that draging it off would be the easiest way to do it. So the DM asked what do you grab onto to pull. Then one of the players yells out "I GRAD THE GIANTS MEAT STUPID WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU I GRAB!" He was having a bad day, but that one comment has haunted him for years we'll never let him forget it.
CX316 01-02-04, 10:51 AM	ok, funny thing that happened a while back... Party consisted of a Human Fighter (me), Wood Elf Barbarian, Human Cleric, Halfling Rogue and (I think) a sun elf wizard. We find this hole in the ground covered by a stone slab, and the barbarian pulls it back, I'm standing in front of the hole and arrows fire out of it at me and miss, there's kobolds at the bottom of the hole. The DM, jokingly, said "why don't you jump down there?" since I was trying to think of a quick way down. I took him seriously and jumped, fell 20 feet and passed the jump check, only taking 1 damage from the fall, landed on my feet and stepped forward into combat with the now-pretty-freaked kobolds. Behind me a rope coils down from the hole and a few seconds later there's a yelp and a thud as the rogue fails his climb check and falls 20 feet to the stone floor.... a few seconds later there's another yelp and a thud as the mage fails halfway down the rope and falls the last 10 feet on top of the rogue...... then the funny bit...... a third yelp followed by a screaming crash of metal as the heavy-armoured cleric trips at the top of the hole and lands on both the characters at the bottom of the hole. All three characters were thoroughly unconscious as I finished off the 4 kobolds that were laying in wait... so the barbarian slid effortlessly down the rope, tied the party members to the rope, shimmied back up the rope and hauled the three characters to safety :P Then there was the time in the RTTTOEE in the cavern beneath the moathouse (possible spoiler here, kiddies) and my character was standing on the plank bridge we'd constructed over the top of the monolith to get from one lift to the other. I was manning the rope for the lift platform and was lowering our paladin and our archer down into the cavern. At this point the creature (Grell? Grill? something like that... a brain with tenticles) floats down and attacks the two on the lift (the party cleric is at the top of the other lift standing guard)... the creature attacks and hits the archer, paralyzing him and the paladin failed his balance check as the lift jerked when he tried to fight and fell over, sliding to the edge... he rolled his dex check and managed to grab the edge of the platform...... but then the DM remembered the paladin had his weapon in one hand (he'd rolled a check to avoid dropping it as he fell over) and a large steel shield on the other arm, so he had nothing to grab the platform with. 180 feet later the paladin was in the negatives but still alive.... Sometime during the fight the cleric jumped the 20 or 30ft of the other lift shaft and came running up, took the rope off me just as I got the platform back up to the top, he and the mage took the rope and said they were gonna support the rope just a bit so that it'd slow the lift down a little bit.... so I jumped onto the platform.... about 6 seconds later the freefalling platform impacted the stone at the bottom of the cavern just in time for me to see an evil cleric coup de grace the paladin. Me being only mildly hurt by the fall (hey, I was a 5th level fighter with like 15 or 16 CON, I had a lot of hitpoints :P) I immediately charged in to fight the cleric..... not realising that I'd lost about 9 points of strength from the cold at the bottom of the cavern, and I was expertising away my whole BAB, and I never missed the cleric once, despite the +0 to hit ^.^ (it was a non-magical sword... my backup weapon, because I'd successfully stripped my main sword of it's magical properties by attacking an ooze, and then shattered it by attacking a poorly-described moving shape within the monolith itself...) and (with a little help from the cleric and mage who were on their slow trip down using a wand of levitation and had cast Silence on a sunrod and dropped it down for me) I managed to take down the cleric fairly quickly.... *cough* Well... it was funny to me at the time :P somehow all the situations I find funny with my party are the ones where we get fubared... Like last gaming session.... our paladin had unknowingly (heh) got us a job as debt collectors between two merchants.... the paladin had detected that the merchant was evil and after the party was threatened, the paladin drew his sword...... 8 guards later we discovered that the merchant had escaped out the back door, and while I was on a bathroom break (I was pretty ill that day, so when nature called, I answered, no matter what), the party started to tear the place apart looking for the money we were sent to get, and when I got back I basically shrugged and joined in (stopping the dwarves from breaking down a door by pointing out it was locked from our side, then going upstairs to the merchant's living quarters and getting a 22 on my search check to gather anything of value)..... and just as I was done with my part I saw (and heard) from upstairs that the city guard had shown up, I immediately bolted down the stairs and called out to the dwarves "see you back at the bar, I'll buy you guys a drink!" as I opened the door and tried to bolt.......... clean into a pack of guardsmen..... then half a second later I was impacted by two beer-crazed dwarves running after me...... long story short(er).... the whole party got executed for murder between sessions and we're starting again this week :P
frogythegreat 01-02-04, 10:51 PM	I've got a few, some are my own experience, and some are handed down from the days of my parent's gaming in chainmail and 1ed. First is from a 1ed. game, the gnome was keeping the map, and decided he wanted to steal something, 'cause he felt he was getting shafted in the treasure split. so he pockets this little tiny gem worth like 10gold from searching a body..... a couple dungeon levels, and an out of game month later, he starts feeling guilty. So he eats the map... in and out of character! and told the party that if hey killed him they couldn't get out. So the DM says when they go to leave.... how do you get out? The gnome says "I remember the map and we get out" The DM rolls and says "no you don't" the party kills the gnome. Another (from the same player): The player gets a guard dog and sends it off to be trained. When it comes back, he gets into a combat situation and wants the dog to attack. He says OOC: I tell the dog to attack. Th DM says "what do you say exactly"... this goes on for a bit, until the fighter realizes he's forgotten the dog's name and the dog is now useless, he keeps the dog for a couple months, butnever remembers it's name. Anothe involves a monk with a potion of flying. there's a battle on a mountain... the monk decides to fly around the mountain and attack from behind..... by the time he's flown ALL the way around the mountain, all his friends are dead, and the enemies are gone. Another s a room in a dungeon I haven't quite figured out yet... It's 3 kobolds with a balista, guarding some antelope, and offering to sel them to the Characters. The last is about a Dwarf. (most of the really funny stuff involves dwarfs it seems). Any way, this dwarf has an 18/93 strength, a 7 int. and a 3 wis. (remember this is 1ed.) He takes his axe to the blacksmith to be sharpened. The blacksmith rolls a 100 on his reaction check. which means he REALLY likes this dwaf. He says to the dwarf "WOW! you must be an amazing warrior to have made this axe so dull. You must have illed 1,000 orcs, or maybe even a dragon!" The lawful good dwarf is forced to admit. "Uh.. no I dropped it."
Taross 01-05-04, 06:51 AM	I never saw a DM who was about to cry.. Untill recently. Our little team of idiots had managed to get into a forge where magical weapons were being made, to basically steal them for ourselves. Unfortunately, we had to negotiate with the NPC cleric who was 'The Boss' there and the poor man was getting hostile. So, our assassin starts studying the man.. Moves into position and Death Attacks (with the intent to paralyze). Cleric makes the save, but still eats massive sneak attack damage. Everyone does initiative, assasin goes again, ranger is next, cleric dies. And he was the ~special~ NPC the DM spent two hours on fleshing out as well. Luckily the DM rebounded and started Plan C, but the look on his face was priceless.
shadowkiller5 01-06-04, 10:12 PM	So anyways my bard and an elven arcane archer were in the BBEG's dungeon. Having scared him off, we began looking for an easier way out than how we came in. We came across a room that had 10 throne-like chairs and a female prisoner. My PC: These chairs have to be evil...let's destroy them! Other PC: ....ok Female prisoner: :eek: *hack* *hack* *hack* So, what were the chairs you ask? Spelljamming helms, worth 25,000 gp...each (they were there for the plot, which quickly went into a downward spiral after that). DM: :rofl: Needless to say, we (in character and real life) are reminded of this event any chance the DM gets (Aren't you the guys that...) :nonono:
Trajan WhiteShield 01-07-04, 03:51 AM	Well, I had a PC today do the whole barmaid thing... in the morning of all times. So I rolled a listen check for her dad, the barkeep... and he passed. So there's the whole barkeep storming up the stairs and pounding on the door. The PCs first response to the angry father about to break the door down: "Oh, its the bacon and eggs! Breakfast excites me!"
Lanoitakude 01-08-04, 01:15 AM	As the hour draws late, the people I play with lose it completely. Player: Okay I go into the bar and use Enlarge and Animal Affinity(bear, strength) on myself. DM: Okay, you are 12 feet tall and hairy. Player: I find the strongest other person in the bar. DM: There is a big buff orc in the corner. Player: I arm wrestle him! DM: Okay, give me a strength check Player: *rolls d20* Nuts...5+6=11 DM: *secretly rolls d20* (rolls 15) He beats you. Player: I punch him in the face! DM: Okay, a bar fight erupts! Player: I take out my +2 flaming burst greataxe and kill everyone! This player was in a mostly good (or nuetral) party who often will stand up for innocent people. High level druid casts Awaken on a chimpanzee. He has around 12 intellegence, etc. Druid: Okay, I use diplomacy *rolls 15* to convince him to come with me to town. DM: Okay, he follows. Druid: I go to the tailor and get a mini tuxedo made for him, along with a top hat. DM: Okay... Druid: I use Diplomacy and handle animal and stuff to set up an agreement where he will be my buttler in exchange for shelter/food/care. *rolls 16* DM: Okay, he agrees. And by the way, he has a heavy British accent. Druid: Excellent.....*Mr. Burns impression* A group of PC's including a psion(shaper), who's alignment is CG i think are in the jungle and encounter an elven village amidst the trees.... Psion: Hello elves! We wish passage into your village! Elves: No! NO OUTSIDERS (they are very paranoid do to abomination activity of late) Psion: Come on, don't be silly DM: A volley of arrows fly toward the groupd (they all miss) Psion: I White-Fire their houses! DM: They all burn, the forest is now ablaze Psion: Serves them right!
Poke 01-09-04, 08:20 AM	A Dwarf fighter/cliric in a good campain, we walk into a town where a few people have been going missing never to be seen again, (our party of about 8 players :) just happin to pic the first empty house to use as our base walk in to agroup of people fighting eachother and killing so the Dwarf gets cast on him bull str, bark skin, enarge person then steps into the room yelling out to stop the fighting.... nothing happens so he then jumps onto a table and goes to cast a bright light on himself to make everyone look at him so he cast and as he runs under tricky domain his god makes him PINK!! making everyone in the room stop look at the giant pink dwarf and start :rofl: he not seeing that he has became pink gets realy upset at everyone pointing at him :rofl: so pulls out his +2 dwarven grate axe and makes a bluf/intam and rolls a one making him drop the axe cuting his pinkey off his left hand seeing his axe drop and not wanting to lose it reaches out to grab it befor it hits the ground and gets his right hand pinky cut off :weep: seening everyone still :heehee gets so upset that he calls his god for help to stop everyone.... (now this would have been good affter all we are all in a good campain but something happens that none of us thought of)....... His god does help him out as he *rolls his d20 he get nat 20* is standging there looking at everyone as a black great wyrm lands outside of the house and rips the wall and 1/2 the roof off and looks at us all..... we are all siting there craping our selfs as we just put together why our cliric did not ever heal anyone!!! **************************************** ********** i had a ranger/rouge who was put under a spell to help a mage every so long in the game made my rolls to see if i got out of it but all i was geting was 1 - 3 :( and so stayed on his side. When my friends found us and started to help the mage asked me to help defend him with my life and kill the ones trying to kill him i just get passed and sit there trying to work out who i liked better the mage or me? then the fighter hit the mage and the mage ran telling me follow him so i do and we legit; just get out when the mage finding no more use of me attackes me and slices my chest open i look down at my wound and *roll a 1* seeing that my "masster has hit me i must be bad and also killed, so pullout my short sword and dagger{with 1d6 shock) and attack my self short sword *crit* and dagger *crit* . To my party who just ented all they seen was me pulling my sword and dagger pushing them into my heart slumping onto the ground and start smoking :sad: the only good thing that came from that was i came back as a bugbear :) only prop was if there was something i liked i would walk way with it :) when he did die he was tombed with 6doors, a ox , 10 bar stools, 15 heads of slayed enimeys and one mage who had his head stuck down my throat (it took our party 5 years to find him and in my grabble with him i gave him a headbut *nat 1 :mad: * snized and bit off his head *rolled nat 20* and choked to death :rolleyes: seeing this everyone says that we should leave it there :angel:
adiaven 01-09-04, 02:21 PM	We had a cleric of lathandor (who happened to be goblin, which is funny by itself) who had boots of flying and used them cleverly. We set up a trap for the BBE Cleric, luring her into a room with our flying cleric above the door. When she came into the room, he cast Blade Barrier (horizontal) to trap her in the blades. Well, she made her roll and managed to escape our trap. Our her next turn, our spellcraft check told us she was casting dispel magic. Oh, she is dispelling the blade barrier we say to ourselves... DM: Ok, your boots of flying have been temporarily dispelled. You fall into the blade barrier. Doh! Of course he failed his save, against himself. So then he has to roll damage, against himself :p What does he roll? Simply the best 15 D6s ever rolled in the entire campaign, something crazy like 81 damage. And yes, he did manage to kill himself with that incredible roll.
Dungeon_Master 01-11-04, 12:05 AM	Our group psion half dragon decides to use burning ray on a water elemental. "It's water, dude." "Then I'll evaporate it!" :rofl:
MozartSmozart 01-11-04, 01:56 AM	My campaign has seen more then it's share of "moments" It's the parties second encounter in the first session of a new campaign. They find the ruins they were looking for, but the entrance is too small for medium sized creatures, so I make them make dex checks to squeeze in. The sorcerer insists on going first (he's the smallest). Goes into the hole, fails his check, gets stuck. The Half-Orc Barbarian mashes him the rest of the way in with his foot. The cleric figures he better see if the sorceror is okay. Removes his armour, goes into the hole, fails his check, gets stuck. The Half-Orc Barbarian kicks him down. The monk by this point is killing himself laughing at the two failures, and decides to impress them with his "Crazy Bad Squeezing Skeels". Fails his check, gets stuck. Half-Orc kicks him down. So now they try to think of a plan to pull down the Half-Orc, who can't mash himself down if he's stuck. So they begin arguing over the best way to do it. The Half-Orc, fearing that valuable seconds might be squandered on non-violent activities, takes matters into his own hands and squeezes into the hole. Natural 20. I ruled that he managed to rearrainge his muscles and innards to fit the demensions of the hole exactly and slide down. Much later into that campaign, everyone but the Cleric (of Lathander) had become very evil. The cleric was blissfully unaware of this (as was his player, as we played the game whenever some of us were together, so they faked good whenever the ol' ball-and-chainmail was around). Eventually, they decide they want to go to Waterdeep, where there is "More stuff to do" The cleric doesn't like this idea, he likes the temple in the villiage they're in. So the monk (monk/assassin at this point) and the sorcerer mosey on downtown, and through a combination of spells magic up the monk to look like the cleric. The monk then sneaks into the highpriests office, and decides he's going to use death attack. Me: You realize that he's a REALLY high level cleric. For example, for you to successfully death attack him, he would have roll a 2 or less on his save. Do you really want to die. Monk: Yes I do. Bring on the death. I think everyone knows what happened next. I rolled (in front of him to illustrate my point) a 1. The high-priest dies, and the monk makes a big show leaving so everyone thinks the cleric did it. They then go off and buy him some shadow armor (or whatever it's called, bonus to hide. He was touched that they bought him something, but it was just to make him look evil) So the first session with the cleric back, he walks into town (they lived in a keep outside of town) and into his temple. They recognise him, and he barely escapes with his life. Now he's mad at me, thinking that I'm railroading him to make the party go to waterdeep. After a long series of resulting events, the cleric loses his faith, becomes a cleric of Shar, and moves to waterdeep with his party, where they got heavily involved in magical drugs. Like Polymorphene. It alters your form to suit your hallusionations! My favourite though, was not D&D, but still a fantasy RPG. One of the characters was undead, and he could reform each night if destoryed. Unforetunately, he had just lost his body, so he was just a head. He insisted they find him a body. So the Samurai (who had failed bushido class twice, and was trying to repent) goes off to look for one. Eventually, he finds a small child. Samurai: I'll attack him, and take his body Me: Need I remind you that he's a little kid and you're trying to pull your bushido score out of the negatives. Samurai: Oh yeah. Well what if it was an honorable duel? Me: Well you wouldn't lose any for that, but I don't see- Samurai: I scream "I CHALLANGE YOU TO HONORABLE COMBAT" and then cut off his head. Well he did. And they fixed their undead companions head to the body, although he quickly abandoned it when he discovered it made him look "cute".
The Stray 01-11-04, 02:26 AM	I got another funny one for you all... The characters were exploring a series of sewer tunels converted by a cult into a testing ground for potential initiates. The cultists worship the God of Terror, Madness, and Nightmares, and their trap designer had a bizzare sense of humor. The characters were used to seeing long "inspirational" quotes scrawled in blood all over the walls, so they weren't surprised to wander into a dead end with some sort of writing scribbled on the wall. Only trouble is, whatever the saying was, it was written too small for any of the characters to read unless they got up close. So the fighter moves up to read the writing. He reads: DO.... NOT.... READ... THIS! Turns out, it was written in Explosive Runes.:D For the rest of the adventure, they made the Half-Orc read the walls...
Jontg 01-11-04, 04:09 PM	1. The motto of Vomax the Destroyer, my half-fiend anti-paladin: "Murder! Pillage! Rape! Destroy! Rinse! Repeat!" 2. Grunthark, a hobgoblin fighter/sorcerer who eventually became a BBEG named Bonedevil, was infiltrating a cult of alienist sorcerers in order to learn more about the Far Realm. He spiked their punch. When last we heard from them, they had changed their name to "The Exalted Order of the Pretty Colors." 3. Herman, the Black Mage of the North. He does not live in the North, instead inhabiting a small village just south of Furyondy. He figured that "The Black Mage of a Small Village Just South of Furyondy" didn't sound imposing enough--and besides, everyone lives north of somewhere, don't they? He tries, really tries, to be a great and menacing villain--but he just can't. It's not that he's not evil enough--his favorite pastime is hurling fireballs at small children--it's just that in terms of incompetency, he makes Fizban look like Elminster. His plans never work, his minions are even more pathetic than he is, and the only heroes he's ever defeated were a party of retarded orcs who decided to find out what would happen if they pulled a big lever labeled "pull to release anvil." His reign of naughtiness would have ended long ago if anyone payed him any attention--fortunately for him, no real adventurers take him very seriously. This is further compounded by the fact that he uses all his high-level spell slots to kill any small animals who wander into his field of vision. His current mission? Hunting down and killing everyone who knows that his real name is Herman.
Galahad the Pure 01-11-04, 04:31 PM	I'd like to take this opportunity to make a recommendation to all players and DMs: Having a 13 year-old play with you enhances the humor tenfold! Once, we were short some players so we asked the DM's younger brother to join us. His name is Mark and he wanted to play a sorcerer, so I suggested, "Why don't you name him Arcane Mark?" The enjoyment increased even further when Arcane Mark became the party scapegoat, by which I mean my personal scapegoat. I have a recurring line in the campaign, "Hmm, I blame Mark for this." Of course it's all a joke, but the sheer lack of logic is hilarious everytime myself or another party member springs a trap or offends an NPC and then I'll say, "Mark, this is your fault. Why didn't you keep us from doing that?" In order to make the scapegoating more "in character," upon seeing Arcane Mark casting scorching ray, the druid I'm playing will scold him for reckless use of fire. The irony comes in when things are looking hopeless and I'll turn to Mark and say, "Mark, you'd better burn that monster, or at least die trying! You hear that Mark? DIE!" However, my all time favorite quotable concerning Mark has been, "I'm going to solve this problem no matter how many times I have to kill Mark in the process!" :D
the_fools_wildhunt 01-12-04, 01:33 PM	Hmmmm...... Name: Galahad the Pure Quote: However, my all time favorite quotable concerning Mark has been, "I'm going to solve this problem no matter how many times I have to kill Mark in the process!" Signature: Divine Grace and Smiting Evil doesn't make you a Paladin. Heroism does. Hmmm..... Think About It.
Morganne 01-12-04, 06:41 PM	Ok, one advice for all you DMs: be carefull when playing with biology students, they tend to be too realistic. Once upon a time there was this three member party trying to cross the proverbial swamp near the castle, when the fighter guy finds himself to be the next meal of a 10 ft leech. DM: Soooo, your all alone and you failed the spot check, so you have a 10ft leech attatched to your back. What do you do?Do you call for help? PLAYER: No, ive got just the thing! You know leeches hate salt. And you also know that dry rations are kinda salty... DM:yeeeessss??Do you attack it or not??? PLAYER: No!I RUB THE FOOD ON MY BACK!!! ...the last thing he accomplished was to spice up its meal!
ChopperDave 01-12-04, 10:56 PM	Didn't happen to me personally but funny nun the less. The Gazabo In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game", and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer. Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed's game. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred: Ed: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo. Eric: A gazebo? What color is it? Ed: [pause] It's white, Eric. Eric: How far away is it? Ed: About 50 yards. Eric: How big is it? Ed: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top. Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it. Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo. Eric: [pause] I call out to it. Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo. Eric: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way? Ed: No, Eric, it's a gazebo! Eric: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened? Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it. Eric: [pause] Wasn't it wounded? Ed: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO! Eric: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow! Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo! Eric: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away. Ed: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you. Eric: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fireusing mage so I can avenge my Paladin. At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining to Eric what a gazebo is. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. It could have been worse; at least the gazebo wasn't on a grassy gnoll. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. A little vocabulary is a dangerous thing. The story of Eric and the Gazebo is Copyright © 1989 by Richard Aronson. Reprinted with permission. The author grants permission to reprint as long as all copyright notices remain with the text.
nagilfarswake 01-12-04, 10:59 PM	so that's where that came from!
daeorknite 01-13-04, 07:41 AM	I have yet to read through all this thread but this has to be the ultimate funniest I have seen in a game. Bit of background... the characters are all children of their kind. They joined up together to reescue their parents from slavers. That done they decided to stick together and face the evil of the world. Anyway on to the funny... Two characters (a bard and an oriental psion) were skipping through some water in the dungeon. They asked the dwarf to skip with them but he was grumpy due to the water. So they finally convince him to skip one time inexchange for some ale at the next town. So the psion picks him up and skips him like a skipping stone. Too funny. This same party also got into a blanket war later that night.
mallemout 01-13-04, 09:11 AM	O my, some of these made me loose some of my drink I was just trying to swallow. Anyway, I would like to contribute to this: My wife and I are on a game convention and since I never played D&D before but just purchased the core books I thought it would be nice to play a bit with a few others and lucky us, there was a RPG group willing to play. Now, the hook was that we were to guard a wagon with goods one them. The group consists of me (chaotic good human ranger), wife (chaotic neutral halfling rogue), a neutral good high elf ranger, a chaotic good faerie and a gnome mage, also good. Now, after me and the faerie have taken guard duty at night the next char falls asleep and the car and me and the faerie are taken too. So , we are quite stripped of everything and I say: "I look to see if I still have my hidden dagger" DM asks me to roll and I roll 16, which is good enough so I take the dagger from under my foot, I explain." The faerie, hearing this immediately says he is doing the same. He rolls (and so far he has only be rolling REALLY poor, never above 5) and gets..... a 20. I see him with a dagger and say that I don't want to know where that dagger came from.... So while we try to escape we are being chased by the whole raiding band. The faerie gets caught again but I escape and get the other party members. We get back to see the faerie in a cooking pot and a cook nearby with a big spoon to stir the 'soup' We charge and attack the whole band while the faerie is still in the cooking pot. So the faerie shouts to free him and the cook whacks him on the head for 2 subdual damage. So everytime we took a gang member down the faerie would ask if that was the cook and the DM would say NO and deal another 2 subdual damage. It was such a hilarious afternoon for me that I am still hooked on D&D.
Kala The Cleric 01-13-04, 03:15 PM	My favorite moment involves my husband's human bard, Magius. The PCs were traveling in a wilderness area when they were attacked by a band of Gaurak Trolls (from Creature Collection II). These trolls have a special attack where they can rip off their opponent's armor and hurl it 30 feet away, too damaged to use. The PCs got one attack off before the trolls attacked. The first troll hit the fighter, ripping her armor off - suddenly, the situation looks a lot more dangerous. My husband looks at his hit points, thinks about how many trolls there are, and has his bard run for the nearest tree! Magius spent the remainder of the battle hiding atop the tree, which is funny enough, but it's a lot funnier when you know that Magius was carrying all the party's acid flasks and carried a flaming longsword - the only weapons the party had to effectively fight the trolls.
Ben Breiby 01-13-04, 07:37 PM	This happened a few months ago when I was roleplaying in a sesson with my friends from school and some of the Dungeon Master's brothers. The main setting was we were in the middle of this mountain range, just came across this chimney that led into the kitchen of the Dwarven city beneath the ground. The party consisted of a Paladin, Cleric of Pelor, a Rogue, and a couple fighters. We were scaling a rope down into the kitchen, when the rope caught on fire due to the rogue lighting a torch once he hit the bottom of the fireplace to see if he could see anything. What eventually happened was, we were all climbing down the rope with it still on fire. Was a funny moment.
Daikona 01-14-04, 12:46 AM	Oh, let's see. We have some good ones. My wizard level is done as wild-mage. I've cast dozens of things, and somehow never rolled a surge. *Until* last session. I was goofing around in a bar with a tiefling, and went to cast something totally pointless to show off. And surge. All action stops for a minute while the DM and I laugh our heads off. At one point we were looking for an inn for the night. The DM describes a couple, one of which may as well have a "your items stolen while-you-wait!" sign outside. Guess which one the fighter decides to stay at? Guess how many people in the party object? The only reason they managed to keep their stuff is because I was smart enough to think it was a sketchy place, specifically kept watch, am an Elf (so I could spare the sleep), and rolled a high listen check. We have a recurring enemy in game who's a vampire. So every time we get him beat, he turns into mist and floats off. The first time he did that was the first time we saw him, he'd tricked us into following him to his inn room. After he disappeared, my character was really ticked off about the whole thing, so I stole his clothes. And then later hid them on the back shelf in a shop when I realized how ugly they were.
Trajan WhiteShield 01-14-04, 03:59 AM	We had numerous funny moments in tonights game... the players were on a roll with witty quips and comebacks. One was when the newest PC who just joined the campaign brought an injured NPC (who ahd been the other players for a bit) into town. The PC in question was a bard, with little knowledge of medicine, so he tried to feed the injured boy dwarven ale, hoping it'd help him. The other PC, a fighter who is a tad overprotective of the boy, berated him for giving the kid alcohol. "Well, what would you have given him?" the annoyed bard shouted. "Not ale!" the fighter snapped back. Later on, the following line was uttered... and no, there was not any sacrifice involved (long, plot related story): "You get the idol! I'll get the cat!" Finally, in a later conversation, the fighter blurts out the phrase, "Size has nothing to do with maturity!" Since we're all dirty minded fools, of course this was absolutely the funniest thing in a while.
frogythegreat 01-14-04, 10:40 AM	There is this major war going on between two races. The elves in this city thats their last stronghold, and this godspawn race called the aersir that I think the DM created. Anyway, the leaders of the two armies have decided that there will be one big final battle, but the aersir are going to grant the elves a reprieve. Since both races are looooong lived, this "reprieve" turns out to be a couple of years. So our parties dwarven alienest of a sorcerer (which I should point out is the only sorcerer in the realm, and yeah, its a long story) decides to plant a bunch of roses around the two swords that the generals put in the middle of the field to symbolize the cease fire. The whole party died before the battle, but with the help of a new druids grove in the city (thanks to a deck of many things, and replacing a keep with a druids grove) the druid has been growing these roses at an exponential rate. So by the time this battle happens, there should be a LOT of roses on the battlefield. The Whole point of this is to impress the two sides with this last show of beauty, and hopefully stop the war. My guess is they get trampled.
Kala The Cleric 01-14-04, 10:54 AM	Originally posted by Kala The Cleric My favorite moment involves my husband's human bard, Magius. The PCs were traveling in a wilderness area when they were attacked by a band of Gaurak Trolls (from Creature Collection II). These trolls have a special attack where they can rip off their opponent's armor and hurl it 30 feet away, too damaged to use. The PCs got one attack off before the trolls attacked. The first troll hit the fighter, ripping her armor off - suddenly, the situation looks a lot more dangerous. My husband looks at his hit points, thinks about how many trolls there are, and has his bard run for the nearest tree! Magius spent the remainder of the battle hiding atop the tree, which is funny enough, but it's a lot funnier when you know that Magius was carrying all the party's acid flasks and carried a flaming longsword - the only weapons the party had to effectively fight the trolls. My husband reminded me last night that Magius' armor had already been ripped to shreds by the trolls, which I guess makes hiding up a tree much more heroic!:rolleyes:
Lief 01-15-04, 02:01 PM	Ok this story involves Xa'Dell (Human-Ranger/Assasin) and the rest of our evil group. We were leaving the continent we were on because we screwed up a scouting mission for our Drow commanders in the army that we were in. So we get to a large port town and book passage on a ship to the other continent. While we were waiting we go to the Inn\bar and have a few drinks. While we were there we managed to start a fight with a couple of fighters guarding a girl. Halfway through the fight the girl and one guard escape out the door and start running down the road. Well Xa'Dell doesn't like it when people get away so he chases them while we finnish off the fight. He finnally catches up with her in an ally and is going to bring her back to us for some fun questioning. When the town guard appears at the mouth of the ally 20 crossbows drawn yelling for him to surrender and put the knife that he has at her throat down. Xa'Dell "I'll kill her! Drop the Xbows!" Sargent "Drop the knife" Xa'Dell "I'll kill her! Drop the Xbows!" Sargent "Drop the knife" Xa'Dell "I'll kill her! Drop the Xbows!" Sargent "Drop the knife" Xa'Dell then proceeded to cut her throat from end to end then spider climbed up the wall and out. Another story ... same group half way accross the sea the ship sank in a storm ... we were maroned on a small but dangerous island with like 20 other npc's from the ship. Long story short ... a Liche said he could get us off of the island if we got him a staff so we did and all of us were about to go through a portal when Lavod our mage ask's the Liche what he could get as payment for the 20 npc's. He got a tome of int +1 or 2 i think. I gotta love our DM ... the girl Xa'Dell killed was a princess from the other continent ... her father a high lvl palidin. Who when hearing that we killed his daughter went searching for us with 10 of his best fighters etc. And the Lich that we freed by giving him the staff was another major Antagonist NPC Liefblighter
Fanatic-Templar 01-15-04, 11:43 PM	Here's one moment that was simple, but still made us all laugh for hours. My evil rogue was seeking part of an artifact, and those who had it had just escaped the city. Luckily, they were honest little level one losers and were going on foot. So I just barge in the local stables, pick a horse while saying " Urgent message to the king I need this horse now. " Two minutes after I left the stable, the stableboy and my DM both said " Hey, wait a minute... " The moral of this story is : Why must stealing be so complicated ?
Duke Viper 01-16-04, 09:54 PM	My first time playing as a NE rogue/assassin, I was a low level thug. in order for me to join my assassins guild I had to kill this guy. So I get to the building this guy was in, turns out he was a guard for a barracks, and I had to kill him. So he is walking down the hall and passes the room I am hiding in, I sneak out into the hall without any sounds, but for some reason I decided to scale the wall and try to hide near the tatching of the room. So now im hideing near the tatching this guard is now walking below me, and im losineg my grip on the wall.... I fall.... out of no where. The guard then asks me where I came from were to that I replied.... "Damn tatching" So now this guys guard buddy is comeing down the hall to see what is going on. I get a hold of him and kill him, right infront of my target. My target starts to flip out and throws his sword at me, and runs. I pick up the sword and stand there. Now this guy comes back with another guard, and yells to me "Hey you have my sword." where I reply, "Hey you have my ear" Now for some backround, in order for me to get credit for killing my target I have to bring back some proof, so I take ears.... and this guy had my ear. :D
burning_blood 01-18-04, 09:11 PM	Our party is exploring the lower levels of a palace, and we come to a door that's been sealed shut for ~100 years. DM: When you open the door, a puff of air comes out, and some dust on the wind. Player 1: I close my eyes. Player 2: But only for a moment? Player 1: *nods* Then the moment's gone. DM: *groan*.... I can't believe you guys just did that.
Hengwrt Ellesmere 01-18-04, 11:23 PM	Originally posted by burning_blood Our party is exploring the lower levels of a palace, and we come to a door that's been sealed shut for ~100 years. DM: When you open the door, a puff of air comes out, and some dust on the wind. Player 1: I close my eyes. Player 2: But only for a moment? Player 1: *nods* Then the moment's gone. DM: *groan*.... I can't believe you guys just did that. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Daikona 01-19-04, 04:10 AM	The DM was giving background information on the Drow city we were visiting. He mentions "House Baenana". I snicker like a hyena.
The Stray 01-19-04, 05:01 AM	Our party is exploring the lower levels of a palace, and we come to a door that's been sealed shut for ~100 years. DM: When you open the door, a puff of air comes out, and some dust on the wind. Player 1: I close my eyes. Player 2: But only for a moment? Player 1: *nods* Then the moment's gone. DM: *groan*.... I can't believe you guys just did that. :confused: Um...I don't quite get the referance...Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Tanuki, the Bewildered 01-19-04, 08:02 AM	Originally posted by The Stray :confused: Um...I don't quite get the referance...Rocky Horror Picture Show? Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind. (http://www.screenpictures.com/cards/dust/dustinthewind.htm)
The Stray 01-19-04, 10:33 PM	:rofl: :heehee :rofl: NOW I get it...
Cyricist 01-20-04, 05:18 PM	Apart from some big campaigns I have been running for the past two years, mostly with more than 5 players in each, four of our group enjoy switching the DM seat every once in a while. This often leads to great, inspiring and often unexpected adventures. The following piece of work is from one of those adventures: My friend Tjeerd decided to DM, and threw the other three, a neutral good genasi wizard, a chaotic neutral human rogue and a neutral evil priestess of Loviatar (an extreme character played by me. Mind you: I hardly ever play this type of character, which added to the fun!) magically into the basement of some evil wizard's mansion. None of the characters knew eachother and had to cooperate to get out. Note there was a nice love-hate thing going on from the start :D ;) On the second floor we found a room with the door left open only slightly. My character entered the room. What she found would have horrified any other character: on the floor was a little girl's corpse in a pool of blood, next to it floated a ghost (which turned out to be an allip) and we're told something moved in a dark corner. The allip starts floating toward my character and she instinctively tries to rebuke it, yelling 'STOP SPIRIT!'.. Then she hears a voice in her head 'The mistress doesn't need to listen to you..' at which time my character notices the pet wyrmling dragon in the corner. She backs out of the room, slightly palefaced. Mind you, she fears near next to nothing, but dragons are an exception to this rule! The allip follows me out and stops at the doorway, catching me in it's babble. The other characters only see my character at that point, and for a few moments my character just stands there drooling. She snaps out of it and continues backward, muttering 'd.. d.. dragon..' and the other characters spring into action preparing a trap for a dragon on the landing. The genasi wizard even starts casting insults at the wyrmling to lure it out. Then the allip comes into view and both the wizard and the rogue FAIL their saves vs the babble. THEN the fun started :smirk: The wyrmling red dragon (oh yes.. RED.. what a pet ey? Insanity) prepares to fry all three characters but my character quietly pulls out a scroll of resurrection true they found earlier in the cellar. She then tells the dragon it can have the other two characters (who are hypnotized in the allip's babble!) for dinner AND she'll restore the small girl (apparently the dragon's young friend?) to life in exchange for a safe retreat out of the mansion. The dragon, being slightly evil :rolleyes:, of course 'agreed' to these terms and my character raised the girl, making the allip disappear. THEN the dragon attacked us, the two other characters came out of the allip's spell and joined in the melee. Expected betrayal of course! We had the dragon down to about half it's hits when the girl came out of her room, calling the dragon Fifi or something similar and ordering it to come play in her room again. :rolleyes: THE ANTI CLIMAX! :sad: Still, my character can now boast she caused a red dragon great pain after it betrayed her and her companions, while the dragon still lives in shame and she lives to tell about it! It was corny but fun roleplaying..
Tanuki, the Bewildered 01-21-04, 09:56 PM	Originally posted by Daikona The DM was giving background information on the Drow city we were visiting. He mentions "House Baenana". I snicker like a hyena. The house has since been destroyed. They are now Baenana splits. *Runs from Daikona*
Dr.Phil 01-22-04, 12:38 AM	this group i was playing with was all about 12-13th lvl( 2nd ed. ) and we let this new player join and play the mage. well we were trapped underground and were about to be attacked by some monsters of some type. so the player asks " does anyone have any ranged weapons, like a bow or crossbow? " i sort of smirked and understood this guy hadn't played with us or ever played a high-lvl campaign, but i had to take the jab. I said " yeah i got this rusty crossbow in my backpack!!!!!!!!!" as i'm sure all of us do from the time we started and never earrased from our caracter sheet. so i informed the dm i got it out used some oil from my flask and started whincing it up. then i said " hey wait a minute don't you have a 10 hit die fireball and lighting bolt? and don't i have a necklace that shoots lighting bolts? " needless to say we all got a good laugh and still bring it up to this day.
Daikona 01-22-04, 05:07 AM	Originally posted by Tanuki, the Bewildered The house has since been destroyed. They are now Baenana splits. *Runs from Daikona* Yeah. Unlike the house name, that was *not* funny. :p Do you all see what I have to put up with? ;)
Stormweaver 01-22-04, 10:23 AM	All right this was wot a Dnd Game but it was SOOO funny. A few of my friend are playing SLA and their are negociating an hostage crissis. There is a Stormer (like a really big 13 foot high Klingon for the uninitiated) who has taken an official hostage. The official is badly wounded and bleeds. The Stomer carries the hostage on his shoulder (barely slowing him) get atop a high ris building and starts to climb an antena. He get on top and now he has nowhere to run. Normally the agents (the pcs) would just shoot the captor and not care about the hostage, but the compagny wants them both alive because they are valuable. So the party scouts yells to the captor.... "We are not after you... you can walk out of here, we only want you to put down the hostage." The stormer looks at the scouts a little confused, shrugs, takes out his 150 mm hand gun (yes 150mm, a bullet the diameter of your thumb) and shoots the hostage in the head, exploding it like a ripe fruit. Mission FAILLED
Lord Darkblade 01-22-04, 10:55 AM	Said 150mm bullet is 15cm across... thats nearly 6", which is a battle ship gun. Even Tanks only mount 120mm guns nowadays. How strong was this guy?
Stormweaver 01-22-04, 10:57 AM	oupsie... my bad... 15 mm sorry
Geisskane 01-24-04, 06:19 AM	Originally posted by YaoiGoddess Hence we call most paladins Lawful Stupid alignment. We had one in are group who, upon seeing the monsters just beyond the door, charged through the door screaming about justice and honor. Unfortunetely, he failed his spot check, not seeing there was in fact a gelatinous cube filling the room with the dead monsters inside it...... Now that is funny!lol:D This might not be as funny as some but i find the way one of my characters was brought into a campagin was funny- So i am stuck in a cage in a giants cave. I am the giants pet (he calls me ug) I was standing there banging the cage doors when somebody turns up. He's invisible so baby giant cant see him. We talk and i find out he's searching for someone (she got "stolen" by a giant. We escape and he throws a stone at the giant making it cry. We scurry along and while we sit and talk she has already broke out. Probelm, she is at other side of room filled with huge beasties of giants. She runs out to try and kill them. I suggest something. A minute later the giants have been telported into a tree in the middle of a forest. A while later we find this annoyin little goblin. He wont shut up so we put a pickaxe through his knee at my request.
eqeq 01-25-04, 12:26 PM	My personal favorite from my group is when they were in a really xenophobic country, and the humans in the party (a ranger and a bard) get an offer to sell me (an elf fighter/wizard) and my friend, a halfling rogue, as slaves. Now obviously, the halfling was rather upset about this, so wants to do something about this. ... DM: Aren't you forgetting something? Halfling: What? DM: You're about three feet tall. Halfling: Right. Pithren (ranger), can you pick me up? Pithren does so Pithren: What do you want me to do? Halfling: Just walk over to him. DM: He looks at both of you strangly. Halfling: I slap him. DM:Um... Make an attack roll... Halfling: rolls... 20! Yep... a critical slap! She managed to nock the guy out. Quite amusing, until we tried to get his guards to stop looting the caravan so we could get something. I managed to roll a natural 1 on my intimidate. That means I spend the entire day trying to lose them in the woods.
Zero 0mega 01-25-04, 02:39 PM	Last game session, my paladin donated a 1,000 GP gem to Pelor for True Ressurecting him. I put it in the donation bowl and it went into the wall. Then, the orc samurai kept spinning the bowl to find the gem. He kept it up for half the game session!!!! LAter, my DM said to make a spot check and i rolled a natural 20. I saw a halfing trying to steal my gear. I told him to back off and pointed to my greatsword. THE STUPID ROGUE STABBED ME IN THE LEG!!!! I pulled out my greatsword and said "You brought this upon yourself" I cut his whole left arm of!!!!He started screaming "YOU CUT MY ARM OFF!!!!!!AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The guards came and i rolled a natural 20 on diplomacy to convince them what really happened. LATER, the in the tavern, another adventuring party was there.So was that **** rogue!! their party's cleric was talking about how it took him 3 hours to reattach the rogues arm!!! I REALLY HATE THAT ROGUE...........:b:
Hilln 02-17-04, 08:10 PM	in an earlyer session my party (cleric, fighter, druid, assasin) were chassing a rouge down an ally. then another on a roof shoots at us. are party thinks its a good idea to burn him out. well we do so then realize that there are people inside the house sleeping. so heres what are party did, walked away like nothing happened. And the rouges escaped
Sir_Jack_Sparrow 02-17-04, 08:44 PM	Ok my character was being charged by this 9 foot tall grey hulking mass, the hulking mass hauls a tree out of the ground as it approaches..... me "I assume it has a 10 foot reach with that tree?" now that was funny.
Beamup 02-17-04, 08:46 PM	We're entering a dungeon (cave full of goblins) and run across a sleeping bear. Really big one, too. So the second-level Ranger (with like a 6 Cha) decides he's going to go in and use Wild Empathy on it. What do the rest of us see? We discuss the situation for a while. The decision to use WE is reached. Ranger sneaks into the cave - not very well, but the DM keeps saying, "nope, the bear didn't wake up." Ranger stands there a second, screams a battle cry, and attacks with his falchion. Walks back out, says that WE didn't work, but he killed it before it could get up to attack. Seems a bit odd, but we go into the cave. As we walk past, the DM informs us that it smelled horrible and was rottiing... It had been dead for a week! Definitely gave the ranger a hard time over that one...
Drizzt 02-26-04, 12:39 AM	bump
xaeric 02-26-04, 12:39 PM	Briefly a group of us local roleplayers decided to take a weekend trip to the Grand Canyon. A little more stupid when you know we all live in Arkansas. Funny real life stories but as far as D&D goes it was awsome. Let this be a leason to all of you, never group guys in a 15 passanger van for a whole weekend to play D&D. That being said, here goes. We were all playing our first evil campaign. Ogres and trolls, a doppleganger, a few minor demons, and a halfling rogue(Twelfinch ; ))... yeah. Anyway, the rogue had a knack for pushing buttons, especially those of the local sorcerress. After days of his hitting on her and trying to get magical items cheap, he crossed the line. He had crossed the DM one too many times about this rather attractive sorcerress and without hessitation, DM: "OK, she casts shrink on your manhood. Followed quickly by a permanancy spell." Rogue: "What?!?!?:eek: " DM: "You shall be henceforth known as Thrench!" Rogue: :( He has yet to play a game where his character hasn't recieved the nickname Thrench :smirk: !
harel_dr 02-27-04, 09:51 PM	we were on a tunnel on a cave, two players were bothering and mocking, no rol, just bothering everyone else. so my DM go tired and sayd: DM:"suddenly a fire balls falls over you dealing..." Players:"What the :censored:!!!" DM finish rolling:"89 dmg, you die, make a new character" Players:" how the...???, wha....???"(with doubt and allmost tears) DM: "and...?" Players: (still confused) ... After,the players got their character back, but still confused and scared :P Note: my DM isnt bad, they deserved it, this is nothing against my DM.
VirgilCaine 02-28-04, 12:10 AM	I used a wild magic option in my first 3.0 game ever (This isn't the best idea I've ever had). The wizard, played by my little brother, accumulated several traits--being able to enter the Ethereal if naked, and taking double damage from all sources or something. Also, one time they were fighting a calzone golem. The wizard kept casting spells and using his wild magic points to cause surges. He finally caused one and I rolled: The creature summons 1d100 duplicates (or relatives, I don't remember) upon death (or something like that would summon a whole lot of calzone golems). I didn't want that, so I said that the golem dies and turns into 37 hot, yummy calzones.
CaptMeathead 02-28-04, 10:15 AM	Originally posted by VirgilCaine Also, one time they were fighting a calzone golem. I didn't want that, so I said that the golem dies and turns into 37 hot, yummy calzones. That is the most whacked out thing I have ever heard!!! LMAOOTF!!! :D My group had a very funny expereience not long ago... Party was helping defend a keep from an evil wizard. My bard (19 CHR)was singing his heart out to help fortify the gates when the evil wizard teleports onto a ledge inside the keep. He casts Daze at me, I fail the save and am now standing there drooling thinking over butterflies and daffodills! My friend's dwarven thief, trucking along, with a wheel-barrow full of daggers for the troops, notices that I am dazed. DM: What do you do? Dwarf: I start throwing dagger's at the bard to snap him out of it. Me: :eek: ?!?!?! Dwarf rolls a critical and shatters my nose, causing my CHR to drop to -3!!!!!! On top of that I died. The cleric resurrects him in the same battle, only as a human druid. Within 8 rounds, the ranger with a vorpal longsword who I was fighting side by side with decides to roll a 1 on his attack.....fumble......and lops off the head of my character! Sigh....Everyone shoulda' been wearing hockey helmet's and bibs that night.........:( Bigby's Incredible Dancing Fool (http://content.collegehumor.com/news/dancing.gif)
Remnant 02-28-04, 02:58 PM	Question, and a story- Question: Any DMs out there ever pull off the "head of Vecna" on a newbie party? Just curious. Story: A friend of mine was playing a CN barbarian, and decided that CN meant he flipped a coin to determine his actions. This results in deciding that his friend needed to die, and chasing him through the woods, going to deliver the death blow, and then flipping a coin and deciding he was his buddy again. Some time later, the barbarian is attacked by 3 wererats. He flips a coin, then tears his own arm off, and THEN proceeds to beat himself to death with his own arm.
CaptMeathead 02-28-04, 06:31 PM	I had played in a capaign once that invloved a male human wizard, a male dawrven fighter, a female elf monk, a female paladin(LG), and my character....a neutral evil elf thief. I played this character as a CN unbeknownst to the party. One day the paladin decided to cast detect evil in a tavern and noticed a glow on me! She imediately tried to call me out in front of the rest of the party, but I successfully "bluffed" them all into believing that the paladin was horribly mistaken and prehaps a little insane. Needless to say, the paladin did not care for this move, and at every chance, had snide and nasty comments to make to me regarding my being "evil". :mad: Fast forward a day or two, we are a couple hours ride from our home base/city. Suddenly, the party happens upon a basalisk(SP?)!!!:eek: A fight ensues, with the final outcome resulting in the pladin being turned to stone. :D We were traveling on a uncovered wagon, so we loaded the paladin into the back of the wagon. The party planned on returning her to her temple to have the priests cast "stone to flesh". Once inside the city walls, my plan came to me. :smirk: I jumped off the wagon and made a bee line for the nearest smithy...yes this is going where you think! ;) I bought a sledge hammer for 5 GP's in a rush. (Basically stealing the sledge and throwing the $$ at them!) I proceeded to high tail it back to the wagon!!! I finally catch up to the wagon and hop back on with the sledge. At this point all hell breaks loose!!! :D The monk suddenly realizes what I am about to do and we fight... I gain the upper hand and knock her off the wagon into the street. I have now swung the sledge a total of 3 times and haven't hit the paladin yet!!! The wizard riding in front, turns and casts blindness on me, I fail my save! Still swinging with no avail! The dwarf keeps on driving the wagon ignoring what is taking place. We are approacing the temple at this point and drawing quite the crowd as well as I keep swinging trying to crumble to "Paladin statue" and fending off the wizard who I've just knocked down with my fumbled roll. Still swinging. The preists see what is occuring and run out to meet the wagon! Just as we pull up the dwarf knocks the wizard out of the wagon and we are all taken into custody by the temple.:mad: Following the paladin's restoral, and the monk's tattling on me... I went to trial, bluffed them into thinking I needed help when I took the stand. They aggreed to help me! :D Then they placed a helm of alignment change on my head and turned me into a LG thief!!!!:b: ....I never played him again I was so shocked!
Remnant 02-28-04, 09:58 PM	:heehee Good stuff. Was the DM saving the paladin, do you think, or were your rolls just bad?
CaptMeathead 02-29-04, 08:55 AM	No, my rolls were just coming up bad! LOL!:D
CaptMeathead 02-29-04, 09:05 AM	I had a elderly wizard in one campaign. I made him up to be legally blind as a bat without the aid of STRONG glasses or magical aid! Needless to say, during combat other characters would have to point him in the "right" direction for shooting ranged spells, and lead him through the dungeons. I accidentally saved the party too many times this way, but made up for it when we were in a curving passageway, 10'x10'x10'. We were in a single file marching order, when someone in the lead alerted the rest of danger in front. My wizard, during intitial panic and second to last in the marching order, let fly a fireball with dire consequences! Everyone died including me! LOL! C'est la vie....ha ha!
Hilln 03-06-04, 11:00 AM	lol u have the funniest adventures
BaronVonStevie 03-06-04, 10:22 PM	now THIS thread is what a message board devoted to D&D should be all about. I'm gonna read this whole thread. I CAN'T think of one funniest thing ever but I do have a ton of stories... 1. Just a few weeks ago. My gaming group was playing on a Sunday Night like we always do.... we play Sunday and Monday Nights which is pretty cool... but anyways we had just finished an encounter taking out an assassin vine(the DM decided it would be a big ass tree instead though kind of like a Tree from Fangorn) after it was over our Dwarf cleric(I won't name real names lol) told our DM he was out of spells and said we needed to rest. "no way dude if you rest you lose the trail of your quarry. sorry man" says the DM. "Oh man come on without my cures we're screwed!" says the Dwarf Cleric. "BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!!!" says the DM. We all laugh. "Man I wish we had recorded" says I. Our Human Wizard starts cracking up... he holds up a mini recorder. "OH MY GOD DUDE HOW MUCH OF THAT DO YOU HAVE?" we all say. Our Wizard is basically red in the face from laughter, "about 40 minutes worth". We then sat and played the whole thing back listening to ourselves game. It was hilarious. At one point our wizard shouts out on the tape "I STAB HIM LIKE KUH!!! WITH MY RAPIER! YAH!" There are parts during that encounter and during the general gaming where it's basically impossible not to keel over and die laughing from the uber nerdiness. The whole tape is funny. Now this guy sneaks in a recorder every gaming session and gets all our best stuff. 2. A year or two ago. We're engaged in three brutal 6 hour sessions around a single dungeoun crawl in greyhawk hunting through an underground kingdom in a war against a goblin king. Tensions are high. We're all a very tight knit party except for this one guy playing a psionic who has no idea how his character's psionics work. He slows down games all the time and everyone was at thier wits end trying to get this guy to play ball. He wasn't a newb either although man did he(and he does still) play like one. Anyways we get to the last battle and he has to leave b/c he's "too tired" or something. He entrusts his character to our Ranger.. as we all just have this stunned look on our faces. We decided to just keep playing without him. In the final battle the goblin king throws a huge force at us. THREE TROLLS~~~!!! We were in trouble to say the least. We needed to send someone to occupy the trolls but no one volunteered... then we all looked at eachother. Yeah you guessed it that psionic warrior charged in and got MAULED as we cheered the trolls on! It was a blast. We were high fiving eachother. We still joke about it. 3. a few weeks ago. We're taking an ancient underground path through monster infested mountains as a short cut after leaving a dwarven kingdom on a quest to deliver a secret weapon into the hands of a great wizard in a quest to defeat an evil demigod. We encounter a Gibbering Mouther... and all hell breaks loose. There are 5 of us. There's one Gibb Mouther and for the next 2 hours we don't roll one save or do ONE point of damage to it. Myself and our Fighter? lose a combined total of 18 POINTS OF CON DAMAGE!!! Our Rogue? CONFUSED FOR AN HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES. our Wizard? DROPPED BY OUR ROGUE. Our Cleric was the only person not uber affected but then again she only did d6 to a creature that had a DR of 10. It was embarrassing. I wanted to curl up and die.
bahamut_0 03-07-04, 08:08 AM	:heehee That tape one is hillairous.
Hilln 03-15-04, 06:09 PM	ya those are really funny :D
CeresOfTerra 03-16-04, 03:29 AM	...but it really does belong in this thread. I think I can outdo everyone, at least with sheer volume. This is a careful record (http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html) of the regular insanity from DND from my circle.
voteficus 03-24-04, 06:53 PM	Running the forge of fury adventure, one of my players rolled up a rogue named Crispin K. Runchetty. His exploits lasted for all of the first floor of the dungeon; he stumbled into a boss room all by his 11 hp self, a room later went unconcious from hp loss due to con dmg, and in an attempt to stabilize a downed player, blew the crap out of himself with a wand of cure light wounds. I rolled 2d4 to see how many backflips his flying corpse did. Eight.
ethicalsean 03-24-04, 09:20 PM	Okay, my group and I are trecking through the sewers of Amn hoping to find the entrance to find the secret hide-out of those wiley Shadow Thieves. We come up into a basement with several robes... and peer through a door in the same room leading into a court yard... I grab a robe and decide to check it out (lvl 14 Sorc with high bluff/diplomacy/knowledge). I find out its a Temple of Shaundakaul and as Im leaving run into the high priest of the place. HP: Where do you hail from initiate? Me: (alterselfed to look like some of the initiates) I'm from Calimshan and just arrived recently DM: Oh you damn well better hope you got the skin color of a calishite... I'll give it to you this time HP: So, what do you need? Me: Uh... well how about a place to rest tonight HP: Isnt that our robes you're wearing? Me: *looks down at character sheet with the high diplomacy/bluff/knowledge:calimsham ranks/20 int/22 cha* I so hate you, my character isnt this stupid DM: Yes, I know, but I'm gonna make you play this out Me: *Looks around* Uh... uh... !@#$ Glitterdust and run! DM: Ah yes... you and your schemes hinging on glitterdust... you win this round sorcerer.
waywreth 03-25-04, 02:11 PM	So my PCs are hacking their way through a dungeon after some rare and powerful artifacts. They enter a room and find a wall of force is up behind them! A sphinx guardian is there, trapped in the room by a nefarious spellcaster. The sphinx offers them the chance at a riddle, which they proceed to get wrong. The sphinx then gets ready to eat them... The greatsword wielding warrior gets close and asks if perhaps the sphinx would like to hear a riddle before eating them... Of course it replies it does. His riddle was simply, "What's inside you?" As the DM I thought for a solid 5 minutes before giving up. The warrior thrust straight forward into the sphinx as he yelled the answer... "my sword."
E-Vile 03-25-04, 04:37 PM	Originally posted by CeresOfTerra ...but it really does belong in this thread. I think I can outdo everyone, at least with sheer volume. This is a careful record (http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html) of the regular insanity from DND from my circle. That list is too freaking funny, I laughed untill it hurted at some of those. Your group is fantastic :D
mazaudi 03-25-04, 06:16 PM	I got a good laugh from the posts and here are some that I remembered... We had a crazy DM and he put us up against a hill giant at first level. Our wild mage had nothing to loose so he attempted a wild surge to get a random result. The DM rolled and ended up with an uber Daemon appearing between the hill giant and our group. The creature bellowed "WHO SUMMONED ME???" Without missing a beat our entire party pointed at the hill giant and screamed... "HE DID!!!" By the time that Daemon killed the giant he had like 2 hit points left and with a critical hit the Daemon died!! Can you say XP'S!!!! :D One of the players was playing a cipher mage from planescape. The rule back then while playing a cipher was anything you said had to be taken inside the game unless you specifically said it was outside the game. After a long battle we were dividing up the treasure and one of the items was a staff of magi!! The cipher mage yelled "YES!!!!" and then jokingly added while forgeting he was playing a cipher... "well I loose control of all bodily functions!" Everyone just looked at him.... DM smiled... Oookay... :devil: Minutes later the mage was covered in his own excriment All of us was laughing our butts off as the mage bitterly protested!!! :rofl:
obrysii 03-25-04, 07:21 PM	One of the more amusing events takes place with my druid. My druid was *completely* racist towards Halflings, and would always say, "A half-elf is half elf and half human, half-orcs the same, but WHAT is a Ling?!" And the druid would often try to sacrifice the Halfling for some reason. But the most funny is dealing with the joke of a Pit-Fiend offering the party some tea. The simple thought of a Pit-fiend offering tea is one of the reasons for the amusement, but all of the jokes that coinside. One example was that our Pixie Scorceror had been killed by an Ogre Mage and we were in the process of getting him ressurected. There was some discussion over the idea that the Ressurection spell tells you who's ressurecting you. So I randomly say, "You've been ressurected. By a Pit-fiend Cleric. Of Pelor." I thought it was so funny, I put it into my signature.
gothic_gr 03-30-04, 07:45 PM	My party were a Necromancer,an Assasin-Fighter and me a Cleric of nature. We found a trapped room with rune carvings on the floor and possibly a trapped chest. I tried to dispel but nothing happened. We didn't want to leave the chest by. Later we encounter about 30 stubid Orcs with one of them in charge. They thought that we were their masters, so we played a little show. We proposed to their leader secretly from the others, '' If you open this chest we will make you a general '' He ran into the trapped room joyous and BOOM! He was burned away by the first trap. Then we went to the 29 remaining orcs and tell them: '' Your former leader was not worthy to pass a trial, which of you is second in charge? '' He ran exactly like the other, attempting to open the chest and then he turned into dust. (Sorry if my engish is bad)
TheYeti1775 03-31-04, 12:20 AM	Funniest moment: 6th or 7th level at the time, we had just acquired a cave complex for our own. Well thieves that did business with the orginal owners came busting in one night. We killed all but two, one escaped, the other we caputured. Well they leave it to my character rogue/wizard and the elf ranger to interogate him. Well my character had a hat of disguise the elf took him into a room, i walked in looking like a demon out of one of the manuals. Well the thief was p*ssing himself talking, well said demon eventually got around in the talking about using him as paladin bait, and got the thief chanting PALADIN HUNT over and over again. Well our group was lucky enough to have a paladin in our group of Torm. He hears this, now he doesnt know about the intergating techniques being used. Well he bangs on the door the elf after saying i will get it daddy to the "demon" opens the door and tells him go away shutting it. Paladin then sees demon in process of this after the door closes, he shakes his head and thinks to himself "If it were a real demon it would have ate me by now."
mazaudi 03-31-04, 01:05 AM	In the old monster manual 2 there was a demon lord named Pazuzu. He liked to corrupt paladins and if Pazuzu could make one of the little do gooders say his name 3 times the Paladin was considered corrupted and his alignment would change to evil. Anyways, Pazuzu found a suitable paladin that a friend of mine was playing that he wanted to corrupt. Pazuzu managed to get Sir Karik to say his name twice. The DM had misread the Demon lords info and for some reason thought 2 times was enough. So in that instant Pazuzu screeched triumphantly, "YES FOOL, YOUR SOUL IS NOW MINE!! MWA HA HA HA!!!" Sir Karik obviously freaked. Then the DM reread the information and realized that it was 3 times not 2. Whispering to himself the DM said, "crap it didn't work." Sir Karak quite relieved started to mock the Demon Lord singing, "HA HA... didn't work... Pazuzu, pazuzu, pazuzu!" DM SMILES.... :devil: "gotcha" Paladin whispers... "crap" :bigeyes:
Yruc 03-31-04, 03:21 PM	Let me say these are quite funny. I laughed several times ) Nothing so wonderful as some of these here, but last weekend a player in my group got confused for 2 rounds by failing a save. Well his first round of confusion, he flees as far as he can. Next round, attack the nearist creature. Well the nearest creature to him was a commoner with 4 hit points. The wizard also has a couple levels of rogue, well I have him roll to hit, he does, rolls sneak attack damage, (he rolled bad on damage) ended up taking the commoner to -8 hit points. After that his confusion wears off. Next round the wizard not wanting to be in trouble for murdering a innocent, uses a potion of cure light wounds. Rolls an 8, commoner up to 1 hit points, jumps up running away screaming. You fly out of the building, then seeing a commoner near you (which you swear is really a monster in disguise), you take out your sword and run at him. The commoner seeing you about to swing your sword at him, starts screaming, your sword runs him through silencing him as he falls to the ground bleeding to death. You stoop down, pouring a potion of cure light wounds into his mouth, the commoner's gapping wound heals before your eyes. The commoner opens his eyes and see's you standing over him, with your sword in one hand and an empty bottle in the other, and begins screaming and gets up and runs off, screaming the whole way.
Hilln 04-13-04, 09:21 AM	o.O commoners are anoying that way. They always are where there not expost to be
Tyler Do'Urden 04-13-04, 11:09 AM	...expost? Did you mean to say "always are where they are not supposed to be?"
SartanRed 04-14-04, 09:14 PM	The average level of our party is 14, and we are exploring the 1st level of a dungeon reputed to be 16+ levels deep. Hence, we are fighting hobgoblins, and handling them quite well. One fighter in our group is particularly devastating, with a very high AC, Power Attack, and Great Cleave. The Mystic Thuerge in our group is in awe of him. MysThr (NPC): It's just insane! It's like Chain Lightning, only its a sword... Chain Sword!! Me: You can only cast Chain Lightning twice a day. (Pointing the Fighter in a maelstrom of gore and gibblets) He can do that all day. :mymy: --------------------------- Down in the second level, we encountered a large group of gnolls and flinds, all with levels in fighter or monk, and packing vials of acid. The warriors are fighting the main group out in a massive hall adjacent to the room we entered; The small room is where the spellcasters are (myself included)and has a corridor that I sealed off with Wall of Force, to prevent attacks from the rear. A couple of rounds into the battle, the spellcasters are jumped by 3 fiendish gnolls that appear out of nowhere. After dispatching the fiendish gnolls, I note that there is a flind standing in the corridor, just on the other side of the WoF. Assuming he is the one that summoned the fiendish gnolls and being a bit irritated, I summoned a Huge Earth Elemental, and direct it to earthglide to the other side of the WoF, and cut off the summoner/flind from escape. One of the players, not being able to resist, says.... "Looks like he's caught between a rock and a hard place" :D
cocacoka 04-15-04, 01:32 PM	when we went into a inn, there was a NPC named same as DM's girlfriend. A: i wanna have sex with her B: (pretend pointing to that girl) ride!!!
memorax 04-15-04, 11:18 PM	During one encounter the rogue had a scroll of Phantom Steed. He proceeds to roll his Use Magic Device and gets a 1. Rather than make him fail outright I let him summon his horse. It worked fine except the horse position was reversed. The look on the rest of the players face was priceless as he burst in and majestically said "Back villian or my horse will trample you" The horse charges the villian but is runnin backwards. The same player in another encounter wanted to impress his lady love by doing some fancy acrobatics with his whip. Just as he proceeds to join her at the balcony. He rolls a 1 again and smashes head first into the wall and falls to the floor. Finally the same character(this guy roll ones at the best of times) acquires a holy avenger to help him defeat a great evil. He draws the sword and use his use magic device skill once again and rolls a 1. I ruled that the sword possed the character. Everybody was stunned as the normally cowardly rogue spoke in a bad english accent and insisted he lead the charge in every battle. Even more funny he insisted the party buy him a suit of full plate.
hippi 04-16-04, 08:40 AM	Well our monk he likes to make pranks and say stupid things but our cleric is very strict. Then the monk speaks bad of her god and she starts chasing him with a stick. This goes on before the lord of the town and most of his men. Around lies a battlefield with 8 Orcs and 14 goblins dead and their leader which hasn't got his head. The cleric hits the monk after a long chase for about 10 minutes the rest of the party just laughes.
hippi 04-16-04, 08:40 AM	Well our monk he likes to make pranks and say stupid things but our cleric is very strict. Then the monk speaks bad of her god and she starts chasing him with a stick. This goes on before the lord of the town and most of his men. Around lies a battlefield with 8 Orcs and 14 goblins dead and their leader which hasn't got his head. The cleric hits the monk after a long chase for about 10 minutes the rest of the party just laughes.
Arakano 04-17-04, 03:46 AM	I don´t know how this spell is named in English, I guess it´s "LEomunds safe refuge" or something - the spell that summons a hut of stone which offers safety for the night. Anyway, our gnomish wizard casts this spell and we go to sleep, leaving the only horse of the group (the others were eaten by griffons :D ) outside the door. In the middle of the night, the gnome and the elven monk awake at the sounds of howling wolves. The gnome opens a window and sees 5 winter wolves which are devouring the dead horse. Now, instead of closing the window or waking the other group members, he shots a lightning bolt at the wolves. Does some damage, but then the pack leader jumps to attack him. Hits him, and trips him. I ruled that "tripping" meant he fell out of the window. Now the monk looks out through the same window and sees how the gnome disappears between the wolves, screaming and bleeding. She wakes the rest of the group, which brings forth some interesting reactions: The human paladin, still sleepy, grasps his sword and shield and tries to bash through the door (without success, should have simply opened it). The dwarf barbarian yells "shut up!" and sleeps on (had some heavy drinking.) The elven ranger tries to grasp the situation - takes a round in his case (yea, he´s slow). Meanwhile, the monk jumped out of the window and gets into a fight with the wolves. 4 of them attack him, while one finishes off the poor gnome mage. In this very moment, the hut disappears. The stunned Paladin suddenly stands in the open, the dwarf falls out of bed and into the snow. Now, the whole group charges the wolves and make short work off them. The dwarf, seriously ****** by landing in the snow jumps up, grasps his weapon and charges raging into combat. Unfortunately, he finds no living wolf left, so he cuts their dead bodies to pieces till the rage wears off. The mourning group gathers around their dead comrade, and the monk asks: "Did we hear any last words from him?" Me: "Yes, he said: Now I know why it´s called Leomund´s SAFE refuge..." :smirk:
lionrhod 04-17-04, 02:39 PM	When I DM I like to give each of the PCs a couple secrets that they know and the rest of the party doesn't. My cousin (male) was playing a half-elf thief and another friend, who happened to be a gay male, was playing a female elven mage. The thief's secret was that he was the bastard child of the mage's father. Well the mage decided that she had the hots for the thief, and started chasing him around. The thief was horrified that his half-sister wanted to date him and got more and more stand-offish over the course of the next couple adventures. Finally one day the mage's player took me aside and asked, "Is your cousin uncomfortable because I'm gay?" Poor guy! We had to tell him.
Sarig the Genie 04-19-04, 09:01 AM	Originally posted by CeresOfTerra ...but it really does belong in this thread. I think I can outdo everyone, at least with sheer volume. This is a careful record (http://www.geocities.com/whoisceres2/dndquotes.html) of the regular insanity from DND from my circle. I worship you, Lord of Humor! :D
cambric 04-19-04, 10:37 AM	That is one great and hilarious website you have Ceres!!
Soyouz 04-19-04, 04:11 PM	(They are about to break a door open) Player1 continious until the door breaks open DM: The door opens Player1 breathes heavily DM: You see Ferric fighting against a woman, on something looking like a stage Player2 beats on the door again Player1: dude the door is open Player3: one more time everybody, cmon! Player1: the door is open ! Player4 smashes into the door Player1 approaches the stage in full speed Player1 (off game): ffs the door is ****ing open ! DM: Huh?! what part in "the door opens" don't you guys get? :D DM: ****, the average wisdom in this party is 3.. :P Player2 also hits the door Player1 (off game): And I pull it up DM: Yeah, probably.. Player1 (off game again): If you shouldn't have noticed; the door is open (Finally they get it) And no this isn't just rollplaying, their wisdom is above 10 in average - sadly!
mrpink213 04-21-04, 12:30 AM	I was playing a druid in a party of a rougue a wizard and a fighter/ranger/barbarian/rogue. We came accross this gnome town in a mountanous region and fopund that there was some kind of festival going on. The festival was full of events and we were invited to join in. (we're level 13-14 and probably could have taken on the whole town in a fight)... Events Wizardry Acrobatics Snowball fights Swordplay Storeytelling and a few others Our rogue won the acrobatics easily, our fighter the swordplay and snowball fights, and surprisingly came in 3rd in the wizardry competition, how you ask? He stood before the crowds of gnomes and proclaimed to be a powerful wizard, he then made a bunch of weird gestures and pointed to me(remember i'm a druid) And explained that he was now going to transform me into a bear... I was speechless for abouit 5 minutes cuz i couldn't stop laughing. Anyway my druid, not too happy at being used as a prop, promptly wild shaped into a mouse, The jusdges felt sorry for him and gave him 3rd place. Earlier on in the same campaign wewere fighting a drider in an abandoned underground city, more specifically in a throne room of sorts. We were starting to beat him pretty badly and retreted to a corner up nearthe cieling and yelled out "HAHA, YOU'LL NEVER BEAT ME NOW, I'M BEHIND AN ILLUSORY WALL!!!", The group figter proceeds to draw his bow and tells the DM that he's firing off 3 shots(bab and rapid shot) DM: What are you doing? Fighter: Well, if the walls illusory, then its not really there right? DM: (thoroughly embarrassed) I-n-v-i-s-i-b-l-e, hes behind an invisible wall We all had a god laugh at that one. In another campaigni was playing a hexblade with telepathic/mind reading capabilities(don't ask). The party halfling rogue had been arrested for a crime he didn't commit and the guards had seized his gear, including a magical dagger given to him by a friend. Myself and our ranger friend came to the jail later that evening and proved to the guards the he was innocent and they agreed to release him. However they claimed he had no dagger. I asked the guard where such an item would be kept if they did have it and began reading his mind. His thoughts indicated that the dagger was in the top left drawer of his desk. Without a word my character reached over the desk, opened the drawer and removed the knifefrom it, promptly handing it to the halfling. The guard was speechless. Later that night the three of us had a fight in the town clocktower with a high level drow, we nearly destroyed the tower and were all badle injured and in a generally bad mood since the drow got away. when we got to the street there wasa crowd of ppl gathered as well as 3 guards, including the one that i got the dagger from, they approached us with crossbows drawn. Not in the mood to be put in jail, the same thought crossed the paladins and my heads, we drew our swords(both of us have quick draw) and sundered the two crossbows before they could geta shot off, then left the town, needless to say we are not welcome there anymore...
Elrana 04-21-04, 08:50 AM	The city having been attacked and badly mauled with a great loss of life by a green dragon I sent my pseudodragon familiar (Canth) to hide in the Arcane Order campus as the locals may not be too friendly toward dragon types at present. The dragon having been vanquished (sort of) we head back home and I pick up Canth on the way. Following previous instruction to the DM, and after having rolled an 4 in total on a disguise check the DM describes... As you are riding home a bird appears and flies toward Elrana, can you all roll a spot check. As he nears you you all recognise the bird as being Canth with some feathers stuck all over him. He lands on Elrana's shoulder, looks at you all and telepathically you hear him say "tweet tweet"! We all found it very funny and 100 bonus XP for humour factor always goes down well!
Elrana 04-21-04, 09:54 AM	The human/half bronze dragon cleric/palladin of Heironeous is in a dead strop sat on his own in the inn when the pixie palladin of Ehlonna comes over and asks why he looks so miserable. "Because I am surrounded by fools and imcompetents who I don't believe can accomplish the simplest of tasks and much depends upon them" replies the sulker. I respond: Is that in or out of character?
Didge 04-21-04, 12:31 PM	Heh, the pseudodragon story reminded me of one of the campaigns I was in back in 2E. The group (about 5 of us) had just fought a well-earned victory over a green dragon, and were discussing how to carry this huge pile of treasure out and back to town as we were on a time-table and had to be back to town in a week (we were about a week-and-a-half away from the town we needed to be, so needless to say speed was essential). The group wasn't high enough (only about 5th level, and didn't have access to any teleportation means and we were completely lost on how to carry the entire treasure back to town. We didn't want to leave it there, knowing the DM would have other baddies loot our rightful treasure. This is when the wizard's familiar, a pseudodragon told us that he knew of a friendly dragon who lived nearby that could transport the entire hoard for a mere 30% of it's total value. We all looked around, couldn't come up with anything better so we told him, Ok, go contact him and that we'd meet up in town. We made it to town, and a little while later the familiar shows up and says it has been taken care of and that we'd get our cut shortly, which we did. The thing we didn't know is that the mage's familiar, who the DM was running, had acquired a portable hole from another higher level character who he (ahem, stole, acquired, etc.) who had an accident and been given total amnesia from a battle awhile back when the mage was in another group. Now the truely funny part is that the person who had amnesia was allowed to play his character but had to start him over at 1st level, but with his Hp's and save's at his old level, everything else was 1st level ability. So in the end, the party ended up paying the familiar 30% of the loot from the lair (which even the mage didn't know about), includding the guy who the familiar stole the portable hole from. Just goes to show you that even smart familiar's will fleece their owners, but hey, the group did get to split 70% of a treasure pile that we couldn't have gotten back to town in the first place. ----------------------- Another god one was a battle in which we were all 9th level, again in 2E. We had been cornered in some ruins by a hoard of evil dragons and the mage threw up a wall of stone to block a cave entrance that we were in. We could hear the dragons on the other side trying to get in so we proceeded down the tunnel quick like. We ended up in the den of 2 Shadow dragons, with a tunnel leading off into the underdark. We couldn't avoid the shadow dragons so we had to fight. It was a tough battle, and again the group was in a situation where we had too much treasure. Ironically, I was playing the party thief (with a natural 18 strength) who was fair with his friends, but truly greedy. Well, he ended up getting hit every single time one or the other shadow dragon breathed (even though he saved every single time). Those of you who are unfamiliar with what their breath weapon does, the bad thing which hurt was it affected your Strength, even if you made your save. So here we are, crawling out of the den where we were dropped into, barely able to carry our minimal provisions (yes, we had to get of stuff that we had so that we could move forward). Our strength slowly returning, I pipe up with "Hey guys, I feel a bit stronger, I think we still have time to go back for some more loot." The group thought I was nuts, but everytime the DM stated we got some more strength back, I would pipe up with that.
The_Arcanist 04-22-04, 11:06 PM	After a long and arduous battle against a troll and its fishman sidekicks, the party (a cleric of death, a keneticist, a fighter, a ninja and a fallen paladin) headed back into town to get their reward and explain that the cause for the missing people was now dealt with. That night, a whole slew of children disappeared. Rushing to the home of an elderly elf woman, they hoped that she could help them. Earlier, she had given them clues and a few pieces of healing candies (which were white). Anyway, they get into her house and find a VERY large bowl of red candies. Our paladin grabs them and they begin to climb the stairs. They end up fighting some undead and goblins, and the house literally begins to decay before their eyes. Turns out the old woman was a hag who was trying to get them to remove the troll that had been on her turf. So the cleric of death raises few zombies (paladin does diddly squat, and thus falls... Course, he had also fallen when he ignored the fact that the fightered had skinned a begger and was wearing him like a suit). During the fight with the hag, the house catches on fire and they break down a wall in the attic, kill her and leap outside. The paladin had decided he needed to break his fall, so he threw the zombies out first and jumped on them. Then, as they watched the house burn to the ground, he turned to the group, told them it was a job well done, and popped a red candy in his mouth. A candy that he had found in the house of a hag who had a penchant for making magic candy and eating children. He took 4d6 damage (almost killing him) and we keelled over at the image of him nonchalontly popping it in his mouth and promptly choking to death. Then they were run out of town. No one else had known the woman was a hag and they had kind of burned down all the evidence.
IMarvinTPA 06-28-04, 04:05 PM	I'm a Sun Elf Wizard, and another player is a Good Teifling Monk. We were in a big 3-way fight in Undermountain. The party had killed everything except an enemy Dark Elf Wizard. Earlier in the battle, he had used hold-monster on me (for a second time!), and one of his allies took me hostage. My character has gotten very paranoid of being kidnapped/taken hostege/etc, so I write "Silent Dimension Door" in ink on the spell sheet. Needless to say, the next time my turn came up, I was on the other side of the room. Our half-dragon (dragon disciple/sun elf/ranger favored enemy dark elf) kills that poor fool. The Wizard gives up. We questioned him. After we were done, our monk asks me "You could cast while held. What prevents wizards from casting?" Being a wizard, I knew how to answer. You can gag them to stop them from casting spells with verbal components and bind them for hand movements. He replies that didn't stop me earlier. I agree and say, the only sure thing is uncontiousness. His response was "I can do that." So he proceeds to beat the Wizard up. (Through the Stone Skin...)
Son_Of_Cthulhu 06-29-04, 03:54 PM	I think the my funniest moment in D&D would have to be about 6 months ago. We were inside a giant castle in the side of a mountain and 3 of the 4 party members were unconcious. The remaining character was a level 4 ranger that had lost all of his weapons except for a longbow because he had left all his equipment unguarded while the party had slept. Well, when my friend's ranger was trying to find the way out, he encountered a group of goblins (not very tough you say...). Remember, he had only a longbow and the goblins were about 2 feet away from him. So he rolled whether he would hit, and luck would have it, he rolled an 8, just enough to kill them...until our DM stepped in. Our DM noticed that the ranger did not have a very high dex. score and that the ranger DID NOT have Point Blank Shot. With all of the modifiers added up, the rol turned out to be a 3 and HE MISSED. How in the world someone could miss at 2 feet away is completely beyond me. To put a long story short, much humilition was put onto my friend and his ranger for months.
Ty 07-07-04, 04:20 PM	Our party, having been informed that we were about to enter into sensitive diplomatic negotiations with a certain Lord of a city, who happened to be LG and a worshipper of Tyr, was attempting to decide who amongst us would attend the negotiations. Druid: "We should send in you guys who have morals..." *As he points at the Shadow Adept worshipper of Shar and the Red Wizard of Thay* Made me wonder what kind of ethics our druid may possess...
The_Epic_Paladin 07-07-04, 11:43 PM	Okay, we where running an adventure where one of the characters was a Teifling Ranger and we chasing down the leader of Thieves guild who was trying to escape through some secret doors. Well through one door was the leader's personal guard and one of them through some Alchemist Fire at the Teifling and hit him. The DM told his the damage and at first the player thought that his character was going to go down but then he suddenly remembered his fire resistance. Then proceeded to stand up and shout at the DM. "HA! Fire Resistance! Eat it Teifling B*TCH!" Now that may not seem that funny at first but think for second he just told the DM to "Eat it" and that fact he said it all in one breath so it sound like was calling his character the B*tch. Well that is the funniest moment in my group.
Arakano 07-08-04, 07:02 AM	Any time our wizard decides to fire lightning and similar spells into a pitched melee, he comments it with: "Pah, they have good reflexes..." - which is not really true, considering or dwarven barbarian and some other chars that are meanwhile dead... :D
Harmor 08-08-04, 04:30 PM	PC: Is there a backdoor to this place? Innkeeper: Yeah, its in the back. *boggle* -- Rogue1: Don't worry guys, I know what I'm doing. Rogue2: Are you sure? Looks like you're about to spring that trap. Rogue1: Nonsence, look *BOOM* -- Fighter: I put the halfling in my Bag of Holding, that should shut him up. -- Rogue: I need some money, I'll be right back. *Rogue goes outside of town and finds the first wagon coming to town* Rogue: Hail there. *wagon stops* Farmer Type: Hello, is there something I could be of assistance? Rogue: Yeah, I'm short on gold so I want all yours? Farmer Type: Oh really? Rogue: Yep *smile* Farmer Type: Woodrow, would you help this gentlemen? *The farmer's son comes out and beats the crap out of the rogue. The farmer takes the rogue to the town and imprisons him. Luckly later that night the rogue escaped the jail, but lost ALL his equipment and gold.*