Fun, Fun, Fun, with a Ninja [Archive] - Wizards Community

Fun, Fun, Fun, with a Ninja [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Linkian06
12-10-06, 03:47 PM I just started playing the ninja class from Complete Adventurer the other day and decided i wanted to start a thread about the absolute awesomeness of the Ninja.

Please post all ninja related ideas, be they optimization, roleplaying, or just hilarious and fun.
Sinaz
12-10-06, 05:26 PM I just started playing the ninja class from Complete Adventurer the other day and decided i wanted to start a thread about the absolute awesomeness of the Ninja.

Please post all ninja related ideas, be they optimization, roleplaying, or just hilarious and fun.

These are the 3 main facts about ninjas:

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

source: Real Ultimate Power (http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm)

Also, they make really good burgers, though you'll likely never know whether a particular burger came from ninjas or not.

source: Nanja Burger (http://www.ninjaburger.com/)

Ninjas come in many flavors...

There are American Ninjas... they are possessed by an evil sword and become ninjas without realizing it.

There are ninjas who wear white because they weren't paying attention in their stealth lessons *cough*StormShadow*cough*

There are ninjas who wear baskets on their heads, and although they don't look all that cool, they are the most authentic of all ninjas.

Even some animals can be ninjas... but nobody takes them very seriously.

Ninjas have an uncanny knack of killing everyone around the hero of the story, letting him live simply for dramatic effect.

Ninjas can sleep while suspended across the ceiling of a hallway by pressing their palms and feet to the walls.

Because they are ninjas, they will never run out of patience.

If a ninja messes up, he has no choice but to cut his own entrails out. However, if "messing up" means being lame enough to be captured by the enemy, he has to cut his own face off. I mean it!

Ninjas cannot walk on the streets like everyone else. Instead they sprint across roof tops. Ninjas move at two speeds: absolutely motionless and balls out sprint. Nothing in between. Oh and they hop a lot.

Ninjas never talk because they bit their own tongue off at birth. StormShadow is an exception, but hey... he flunked most of his ninja school classes.

Speaking of birth, ninjas are always born via unplanned ceasarian... that is to say: they kick their way out of the womb.

When ninjas vanish, you best believe they are gone in the most absolute sense "gone" could ever mean. Or else they are right behind you, and you've got about .01 seconds to remember this fact.

Every four years, hundreds of ninjas compete in the Olympics. They win every event, but then are given no medals due to the fact that they are so fricken elite that no one even knew they were there.

You've never seen a real ninja. I know this because you are still alive.

Hope this information helps.

Remember, if the DM gives you any lip, flip out and kick his head off.
Morgotho
12-10-06, 05:51 PM I knew I bookmarked the link below for a reason...

This video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtW9SDW4iug&mode=related&search=) should explain everything you need to know about ninjas.
Chrono Nexus
12-10-06, 07:08 PM Real ninja-

Do not walk on a road. Ever. They will run over rooftops, jump through trees, and balance across power lines just to avoid having to walk on a road.

Have 30 gallons of blood. This extra blood is in a capsulized form until they are hurt.

Have no honor. If someone tells you ninja have honor, then they are either not a ninja, or are about to be killed by one. Hope you brought an umbrella.

Have web cams, and answer people's questions with witty and violent responses.

Are trained not to be seen.
TheraerTheWanderingBard
12-10-06, 08:25 PM Ninja also know how to rap:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRLH-H0m9-k&mode=related&search=
invaladuser
12-10-06, 09:51 PM ninjas do not need to eat, sleep, or breath. If they do it is only to make others think they are not ninjas.

ninjas do not need to wear black, dark blue is the preferd color.
Thubby
12-10-06, 10:57 PM ninjas pwn all things (see below)
ninjas are pwned by samurai (samurai jack in particular)
ninjas look awesome in anime and tmnt (the old one)! and suck everywhere else
ninja are the only people who can use swords against guns...and live
ninjas hate katanas, and the samurai attatched to them
Always-Late
12-10-06, 11:04 PM Ninjas hate pirates.

Some people say they know of ninja pirates. They are lying. Or they are pirate saboteurs seeking to decieve everybody, but the ninjas are too good for them.
Buccaneer
12-11-06, 10:26 AM Ninjas have a very active afterlife (http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/3750/mumja2bc3.jpg)
Ninjas are magnetically attracted to Solid Snake

But above all: Ninjas<Pirates. A ninja might be able to kill someone, but he has to sneak around like a coward. A pirate will smash into your ship, come on board, steal your dabloons, drink your rum, defile your women, set everything on fire, and then kill you (all with the use of only 1 hand 1 eye and 1 leg). I mean, no one ever bothers to go looking for Ninja Treasure. I can buy black pajamas at the store.:tongue:
Wilds
12-11-06, 02:18 PM By the time the pirate gets onto the ship (though ninjas dont use ships :P ) the ninja will have already taken his hat and parret
Buccaneer
12-11-06, 02:22 PM I think we all know ninjas are afraid of the water, thats why they have to run across it rather than swim ;)
Wilds
12-11-06, 02:43 PM Compromise?

Ninjas stay out of water and Pirates stay off of land as much as possible?
trapspringer
12-11-06, 03:50 PM A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location.
Buccaneer
12-11-06, 04:03 PM Compromise?

Ninjas stay out of water and Pirates stay off of land as much as possible?

Sounds fair to me :D
Optimator
12-11-06, 06:29 PM Know what I hate? When people compare real ninjas to real pirates (not that anyone has done that yet). That's not the freaking point, you know? Anyway, By the time the pirate gets onto the ship (though ninjas dont use ships ) the ninja will have already taken his hat and parret
NOOOO! (http://darthno.ytmnd.com/)
Crystal Monk
12-11-06, 08:36 PM A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location....that explains a lot. :D

always remember that, if for some reason a ninja must speak, whatever the ninja says must be abstract, confusing, and possibly involve a nature-based metaphor. the person to whom the ninja is speaking will figure out what the ninja meant when it is appropriate to the plot. this often happens right before that person experiences death by ninja.
Regular_K
12-11-06, 09:40 PM Ninjas hate pirates.

Some people say they know of ninja pirates. They are lying.

Agreed. If there ever was a Ninja Pirate, the world would have spun faster and make lava spew out of every hole. EVERY HOLE!!!
trapspringer
12-11-06, 10:28 PM It's always been my opinion that, as individuals, ninja pwns pirate. As an organization, however, pirates win.
GospelofRob
12-11-06, 10:54 PM One ninja is worth an army. An army of ninja's are worth one soldier. Scientists have spent years trying to figure this out. Then a ninja raid struck and killed all the scientists.

Ninja's have two fears, water and dead people. They only fear dead people, because they horde ninja's together, thus making them weaker.
Thomas_Covenant
12-11-06, 11:13 PM A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location.This is especially true in DnD.

If the party is attacked by a solo Ninja, he will be far superior to any character in the party, and may well cause a TPK.
If he doesn't, it's only because he felt he had to say something witty and disappear for maximum dramatic effect.

If the party is attacked by three or more ninjas, expect more ninjas to follow. Strangely, though...not a single member of the party will ever be truly at risk, and the ninjas will die in droves.

This leaves the many mysteries unsolved about the mythical "two ninja" attack.
Nothing is at this point known about a two ninja attack, as no one has yet survived one.
Scientists were rumored to be investigating this phenomena intensely, but they were all killed in the ninja raid, as mentioned above.
GaffeR
12-11-06, 11:26 PM askaninja.com
Spraktes
12-11-06, 11:49 PM Ninjas never lose to pirates ever. Pirates magic only works in water. Ninjas magic works everywhere. One could argue that the pirates would just wait for the ninja to come to them, but honestly, we know who is better at waiting. I saw a ninja wait underneath my kitchen table for 7 years just so he could kill my brother the day he graduated kindergarten. (he was held back a year) Pirates need to come back and get supplies sometime, and theres always that village pillaging temptation that they must always feed. So when the pirates jump off the boat, the ninja then uses his lasso and teleports them into a volcano. After cutting their heads and hair and eyelashes and nails and chin off.
Buccaneer
12-12-06, 11:25 AM Ninjas never lose to pirates ever. Pirates magic only works in water. Ninjas magic works everywhere. One could argue that the pirates would just wait for the ninja to come to them, but honestly, we know who is better at waiting. I saw a ninja wait underneath my kitchen table for 7 years just so he could kill my brother the day he graduated kindergarten. (he was held back a year) Pirates need to come back and get supplies sometime, and theres always that village pillaging temptation that they must always feed. So when the pirates jump off the boat, the ninja then uses his lasso and teleports them into a volcano. After cutting their heads and hair and eyelashes and nails and chin off.

Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;)
And when did ninjas start using lassos?

(I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen)
RobbyPants
12-12-06, 01:19 PM I could probably convert a bunch of Chuck Norris Facts (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/) to Ninja Facts:

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals ninjas allow to live.
Ninjas do not sleep. They wait.
Ninjas do not read books. Instead, they stare them down until the books give them the information they want.

There's a whole bunch more of these :P
Sinaz
12-12-06, 01:27 PM I keep hearing the late great Sam Kineson's smart bomb routine but with ninjas...

"Ninjas know where to find you... you can't escape them. Don't frack with a ninja. You go down 3 flights of stairs. The ninja goes down 3 flights of stairs. You take a taxi. The ninja takes a taxi and says 'follow that taxi!' You check in under an assumed name. The ninja checks in under an assumed name. Then he knocks on your door. 'Room service!' No? 'Chinese delivery!' No? 'Massage!' Oh, a massage. "JUST KIDDING I'M A FRACKING NINJA!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!! WAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!'"
Optimator
12-12-06, 05:27 PM Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;)
And when did ninjas start using lassos?

(I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen)

Lawl, I think you're confusing comedic gold with ignorance.
Spraktes
12-12-06, 08:00 PM Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;)
And when did ninjas start using lassos?

(I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen)

Ninjas always carry rope, weather it is to climb, tie people up, or lasso pirates. If I was confusing ninjas with cowboys, then why would I use words like teleport and head chop off? And as for the pirates and Viking mermen. The last known viking mermen were known to have died while trying defeat a giant squid with powers like Tornado and Braver. The mermen were completely wiped out, but immediately after, a ninja showed up and destroyed the giant squid. He did this by throwing a boomerang at the squids one huge eye, which stunned it. The ninja then "ninja vanished" and then "ninja appeared" directly in front of it. Without even thinking twice he stabbed the squid and then shot of in all directions at the same time cutting off its 1000 tentacles simultaneously. In a single blow. Then he fed the world calamari and wailed on his guitar for 3 straight days. The pirates were angry about this because they cannot play any instruments because of three things.
1. one one arm, how do you play instruments with one arm?
2. one leg, you cant drum with one leg unless it is sissy kenny g background drumming, and that isn't music
3. one eye, they cant read music correctly, we all know that when written music was invented, you had to have 2 eyes to see it.
As for where I get my source about pirates having magic. Read REAL ULTIMATE POWER it talks all about this sort of thing. der
Drendarius
12-12-06, 08:45 PM Can anyone tell me the name of the book the ninja skills are in?
Chrono Nexus
12-12-06, 09:25 PM Can anyone tell me the name of the book the ninja skills are in?
That would be Way of the Ninja.
Thubby
12-12-06, 10:20 PM That would be Way of the Ninja.

or complete adventure :tongue:
Chrono Nexus
12-12-06, 10:51 PM or complete adventure :tongue:
No. Way of the Ninja is far better. FAR better.
-At least if what you're looking for is ninja stuff.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Linkian06 12-10-06, 03:47 PM	I just started playing the ninja class from Complete Adventurer the other day and decided i wanted to start a thread about the absolute awesomeness of the Ninja. Please post all ninja related ideas, be they optimization, roleplaying, or just hilarious and fun.
Sinaz 12-10-06, 05:26 PM	I just started playing the ninja class from Complete Adventurer the other day and decided i wanted to start a thread about the absolute awesomeness of the Ninja. Please post all ninja related ideas, be they optimization, roleplaying, or just hilarious and fun. These are the 3 main facts about ninjas: 1. Ninjas are mammals. 2. Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people. source: Real Ultimate Power (http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm) Also, they make really good burgers, though you'll likely never know whether a particular burger came from ninjas or not. source: Nanja Burger (http://www.ninjaburger.com/) Ninjas come in many flavors... There are American Ninjas... they are possessed by an evil sword and become ninjas without realizing it. There are ninjas who wear white because they weren't paying attention in their stealth lessons coughStormShadowcough There are ninjas who wear baskets on their heads, and although they don't look all that cool, they are the most authentic of all ninjas. Even some animals can be ninjas... but nobody takes them very seriously. Ninjas have an uncanny knack of killing everyone around the hero of the story, letting him live simply for dramatic effect. Ninjas can sleep while suspended across the ceiling of a hallway by pressing their palms and feet to the walls. Because they are ninjas, they will never run out of patience. If a ninja messes up, he has no choice but to cut his own entrails out. However, if "messing up" means being lame enough to be captured by the enemy, he has to cut his own face off. I mean it! Ninjas cannot walk on the streets like everyone else. Instead they sprint across roof tops. Ninjas move at two speeds: absolutely motionless and balls out sprint. Nothing in between. Oh and they hop a lot. Ninjas never talk because they bit their own tongue off at birth. StormShadow is an exception, but hey... he flunked most of his ninja school classes. Speaking of birth, ninjas are always born via unplanned ceasarian... that is to say: they kick their way out of the womb. When ninjas vanish, you best believe they are gone in the most absolute sense "gone" could ever mean. Or else they are right behind you, and you've got about .01 seconds to remember this fact. Every four years, hundreds of ninjas compete in the Olympics. They win every event, but then are given no medals due to the fact that they are so fricken elite that no one even knew they were there. You've never seen a real ninja. I know this because you are still alive. Hope this information helps. Remember, if the DM gives you any lip, flip out and kick his head off.
Morgotho 12-10-06, 05:51 PM	I knew I bookmarked the link below for a reason... This video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtW9SDW4iug&mode=related&search=) should explain everything you need to know about ninjas.
Chrono Nexus 12-10-06, 07:08 PM	Real ninja- Do not walk on a road. Ever. They will run over rooftops, jump through trees, and balance across power lines just to avoid having to walk on a road. Have 30 gallons of blood. This extra blood is in a capsulized form until they are hurt. Have no honor. If someone tells you ninja have honor, then they are either not a ninja, or are about to be killed by one. Hope you brought an umbrella. Have web cams, and answer people's questions with witty and violent responses. Are trained not to be seen.
TheraerTheWanderingBard 12-10-06, 08:25 PM	Ninja also know how to rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRLH-H0m9-k&mode=related&search=
invaladuser 12-10-06, 09:51 PM	ninjas do not need to eat, sleep, or breath. If they do it is only to make others think they are not ninjas. ninjas do not need to wear black, dark blue is the preferd color.
Thubby 12-10-06, 10:57 PM	ninjas pwn all things (see below) ninjas are pwned by samurai (samurai jack in particular) ninjas look awesome in anime and tmnt (the old one)! and suck everywhere else ninja are the only people who can use swords against guns...and live ninjas hate katanas, and the samurai attatched to them
Always-Late 12-10-06, 11:04 PM	Ninjas hate pirates. Some people say they know of ninja pirates. They are lying. Or they are pirate saboteurs seeking to decieve everybody, but the ninjas are too good for them.
Buccaneer 12-11-06, 10:26 AM	Ninjas have a very active afterlife (http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/3750/mumja2bc3.jpg) Ninjas are magnetically attracted to Solid Snake But above all: Ninjas<Pirates. A ninja might be able to kill someone, but he has to sneak around like a coward. A pirate will smash into your ship, come on board, steal your dabloons, drink your rum, defile your women, set everything on fire, and then kill you (all with the use of only 1 hand 1 eye and 1 leg). I mean, no one ever bothers to go looking for Ninja Treasure. I can buy black pajamas at the store.:tongue:
Wilds 12-11-06, 02:18 PM	By the time the pirate gets onto the ship (though ninjas dont use ships :P ) the ninja will have already taken his hat and parret
Buccaneer 12-11-06, 02:22 PM	I think we all know ninjas are afraid of the water, thats why they have to run across it rather than swim ;)
Wilds 12-11-06, 02:43 PM	Compromise? Ninjas stay out of water and Pirates stay off of land as much as possible?
trapspringer 12-11-06, 03:50 PM	A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location.
Buccaneer 12-11-06, 04:03 PM	Compromise? Ninjas stay out of water and Pirates stay off of land as much as possible? Sounds fair to me :D
Optimator 12-11-06, 06:29 PM	Know what I hate? When people compare real ninjas to real pirates (not that anyone has done that yet). That's not the freaking point, you know? Anyway, By the time the pirate gets onto the ship (though ninjas dont use ships ) the ninja will have already taken his hat and parret NOOOO! (http://darthno.ytmnd.com/)
Crystal Monk 12-11-06, 08:36 PM	A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location....that explains a lot. :D always remember that, if for some reason a ninja must speak, whatever the ninja says must be abstract, confusing, and possibly involve a nature-based metaphor. the person to whom the ninja is speaking will figure out what the ninja meant when it is appropriate to the plot. this often happens right before that person experiences death by ninja.
Regular_K 12-11-06, 09:40 PM	Ninjas hate pirates. Some people say they know of ninja pirates. They are lying. Agreed. If there ever was a Ninja Pirate, the world would have spun faster and make lava spew out of every hole. EVERY HOLE!!!
trapspringer 12-11-06, 10:28 PM	It's always been my opinion that, as individuals, ninja pwns pirate. As an organization, however, pirates win.
GospelofRob 12-11-06, 10:54 PM	One ninja is worth an army. An army of ninja's are worth one soldier. Scientists have spent years trying to figure this out. Then a ninja raid struck and killed all the scientists. Ninja's have two fears, water and dead people. They only fear dead people, because they horde ninja's together, thus making them weaker.
Thomas_Covenant 12-11-06, 11:13 PM	A ninja's power is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja in a given location.This is especially true in DnD. If the party is attacked by a solo Ninja, he will be far superior to any character in the party, and may well cause a TPK. If he doesn't, it's only because he felt he had to say something witty and disappear for maximum dramatic effect. If the party is attacked by three or more ninjas, expect more ninjas to follow. Strangely, though...not a single member of the party will ever be truly at risk, and the ninjas will die in droves. This leaves the many mysteries unsolved about the mythical "two ninja" attack. Nothing is at this point known about a two ninja attack, as no one has yet survived one. Scientists were rumored to be investigating this phenomena intensely, but they were all killed in the ninja raid, as mentioned above.
GaffeR 12-11-06, 11:26 PM	askaninja.com
Spraktes 12-11-06, 11:49 PM	Ninjas never lose to pirates ever. Pirates magic only works in water. Ninjas magic works everywhere. One could argue that the pirates would just wait for the ninja to come to them, but honestly, we know who is better at waiting. I saw a ninja wait underneath my kitchen table for 7 years just so he could kill my brother the day he graduated kindergarten. (he was held back a year) Pirates need to come back and get supplies sometime, and theres always that village pillaging temptation that they must always feed. So when the pirates jump off the boat, the ninja then uses his lasso and teleports them into a volcano. After cutting their heads and hair and eyelashes and nails and chin off.
Buccaneer 12-12-06, 11:25 AM	Ninjas never lose to pirates ever. Pirates magic only works in water. Ninjas magic works everywhere. One could argue that the pirates would just wait for the ninja to come to them, but honestly, we know who is better at waiting. I saw a ninja wait underneath my kitchen table for 7 years just so he could kill my brother the day he graduated kindergarten. (he was held back a year) Pirates need to come back and get supplies sometime, and theres always that village pillaging temptation that they must always feed. So when the pirates jump off the boat, the ninja then uses his lasso and teleports them into a volcano. After cutting their heads and hair and eyelashes and nails and chin off. Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;) And when did ninjas start using lassos? (I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen)
RobbyPants 12-12-06, 01:19 PM	I could probably convert a bunch of Chuck Norris Facts (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/) to Ninja Facts: There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals ninjas allow to live. Ninjas do not sleep. They wait. Ninjas do not read books. Instead, they stare them down until the books give them the information they want. There's a whole bunch more of these :P
Sinaz 12-12-06, 01:27 PM	I keep hearing the late great Sam Kineson's smart bomb routine but with ninjas... "Ninjas know where to find you... you can't escape them. Don't frack with a ninja. You go down 3 flights of stairs. The ninja goes down 3 flights of stairs. You take a taxi. The ninja takes a taxi and says 'follow that taxi!' You check in under an assumed name. The ninja checks in under an assumed name. Then he knocks on your door. 'Room service!' No? 'Chinese delivery!' No? 'Massage!' Oh, a massage. "JUST KIDDING I'M A FRACKING NINJA!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!! WAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!'"
Optimator 12-12-06, 05:27 PM	Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;) And when did ninjas start using lassos? (I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen) Lawl, I think you're confusing comedic gold with ignorance.
Spraktes 12-12-06, 08:00 PM	Since when do pirates have magic? Do you even know what a pirate is!? ;) And when did ninjas start using lassos? (I think your confusing ninjas with cowboys and pirates with some kind of viking mermen) Ninjas always carry rope, weather it is to climb, tie people up, or lasso pirates. If I was confusing ninjas with cowboys, then why would I use words like teleport and head chop off? And as for the pirates and Viking mermen. The last known viking mermen were known to have died while trying defeat a giant squid with powers like Tornado and Braver. The mermen were completely wiped out, but immediately after, a ninja showed up and destroyed the giant squid. He did this by throwing a boomerang at the squids one huge eye, which stunned it. The ninja then "ninja vanished" and then "ninja appeared" directly in front of it. Without even thinking twice he stabbed the squid and then shot of in all directions at the same time cutting off its 1000 tentacles simultaneously. In a single blow. Then he fed the world calamari and wailed on his guitar for 3 straight days. The pirates were angry about this because they cannot play any instruments because of three things. 1. one one arm, how do you play instruments with one arm? 2. one leg, you cant drum with one leg unless it is sissy kenny g background drumming, and that isn't music 3. one eye, they cant read music correctly, we all know that when written music was invented, you had to have 2 eyes to see it. As for where I get my source about pirates having magic. Read REAL ULTIMATE POWER it talks all about this sort of thing. der
Drendarius 12-12-06, 08:45 PM	Can anyone tell me the name of the book the ninja skills are in?
Chrono Nexus 12-12-06, 09:25 PM	Can anyone tell me the name of the book the ninja skills are in? That would be Way of the Ninja.
Thubby 12-12-06, 10:20 PM	That would be Way of the Ninja. or complete adventure :tongue:
Chrono Nexus 12-12-06, 10:51 PM	or complete adventure :tongue: No. Way of the Ninja is far better. FAR better. -At least if what you're looking for is ninja stuff.