Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Tectorman 11-18-07, 11:27 AM	I'm about to join a group who usually plays on Saturdays from around six to two in the morning. I've been looking for a group for a while now and this one seemed very open to a new player (and all the homebrew stuff he wanted to try out). But, it's a half-hour commute to get there and I can pretty much guarantee that Mom won't be cool with the idea of me just beginning to drive back home at two AM. Probably more like ten PM. But that means that either I'll need to ask the group to end their sessions earlier (I'm a newcomer to the group and it wouldn't be fair of me to ask them to do this), let someone else play my character for me for the rest of the game session (really not comfortable doing this; asks much of the other person and I don't want my character doing things and experiencing parts of the campaign that I myself wasn't there for), or ask the DM to write every session into two parts, one with me in the group and one where my character has left for the day (asks a bit of the DM, but then he's already having to include another character into the campaign, so it's not the worst choice). Also, I haven't talked with Mom about this yet. So, what's a player to do? (Comments to the effect of "Tough luck", while probably the most accurate, are not the most helpful)
Tema69 11-18-07, 11:38 AM	How old are you? Can you sleep over there? I'd had some problems with a player of mine who had to leave earlier (only an hour earlier tho), but I simply had him disappear (with no in-game mechanics). It worked, but it wasn't a great solution...
kelvinaw273 11-18-07, 11:42 AM	Do any of the other players live near enough that you could get a lift off them instead?
CipherTheory 11-18-07, 12:16 PM	Um... tough luck? :( Seriously though, I can identify. I have no way to tell how old you are, so I'm going to give two pieces of advice based on the most probably scenarios. First I'm going to assume you're in high school. If this is the case, Tema69's suggestion is probably the most solid: see if you can stay over. Most reasonable mothers will allow this as long as it's not a school night (and you did say this was a Saturday night group). She may start to wonder when it becomes a weekly thing, but when that happens its best to explain to her what's going on, and even invite her to come and watch (which will either prompt her to join, or snuff her curiosity entirely). Moms in general are usually cool and willing to compromise if your requests are reasonable enough. If you have a mom that isn't... well... then start wearing black cloths with white face paint and writing terrible poetry. That'll work :emp: Now if you're living with your mom after high school for reasons that I'm sure are very good ones (got a crap degree that you can't get a job with, for example) then I have this to say: Assert your independence man!!! (or woman... I can't tell on the 'net)!!! Seriously, your mom may not like it but she has to let you grow up and be self-determining sometime. And if she won't, hey guess what, you have bigger things to worry about than when you'll be able to play D&D! Talk to her, explain your feelings, and remind her that it's a heckuva lot better than if you were going out to get boozed or chase tail. Seriously, communication is awesome: use it. :D
Naznarreb 11-18-07, 12:19 PM	Can you move the location to someplace closer? So there's not so much of a drive back?
Charlym_Zuardan 11-18-07, 12:24 PM	Also, I haven't talked with Mom about this yet. well that right there's your problem...
Tectorman 11-18-07, 12:26 PM	Okay, I suppose I should clarify a few more things about my situation. Age: 21 (gender: male) Education: 4th (out of 5) year in college Job: none Transportation: I have my own car; going and coming is not a problem, permission to do so is Location of Game: the game room of a book store (public place that everyone can meet at; they say sometimes they continue a game after the owner kicks them out at someone's house but I got the impression that that was a rarity that I wouldn't have to worry about missing out on anything by not attending one of those) (this means that no, I cannot sleep over there) Oh and to Charlym, I just met the group last night and I'm spending this weekend somewhere else. Yeah, I'll be talking with her as soon as I get home (but then I wouldn't have access to a computer to ask the people here their advice).
kelvinaw273 11-18-07, 01:29 PM	At twenty-one, you really should be coming and going freely, so long as you do not disturb anyone (max out your move silently skill ;) ). Let your mother know where you are going, and what you are doing out of courtesy, and not to wait up for you as you will be back very late. If your mother becomes controlling over this (and it is her house, after all, even if you are an adult) point out that you won't disturb her or anyone. If it gets really bad, smile fixedly at her left ear and point out that men who live with controlling mothers have a propensity to become serial killers ... :D Seriously, though, if you are worried for your own sakes about driving back at that hour, bear in mind that nobody else will be around. You'll be fine!
zenlike 11-18-07, 02:18 PM	Don't be rude, just tell your mom that "Yes, I am living under your roof, but, I am an adult and should be able to set my own schedule. I love you and hope that you trust me enough not to get pounded and drive home at 2am on a Saturday after playing D&D all night." Or something like that. :D
Cartigan 11-18-07, 03:12 PM	6 to 2? The hell is that?
Man in the Funny Hat 11-18-07, 03:53 PM	You need permission at 21? Here's my advice: Grow a pair, Nancy.Without exceptional, extenuating circumstances - QFT.
FarrenCronwing 11-18-07, 03:53 PM	That's exactly what I was thinking. lol. Seriously though... Don't be rude, just tell your mom that "Yes, I am living under your roof, but, I am an adult and should be able to set my own schedule. I love you and hope that you trust me enough not to get pounded and drive home at 2am on a Saturday after playing D&D all night." Or something like that. :D I couldn't of said that better myself. Wonderful advice for the OP.
Tequila_Sunrise 11-18-07, 04:23 PM	Why do you think your mother will have an issue with this? Is she over protective or does she perhaps require your help every Saturday night? I think you would have mentioned if she needed your help because of some sort of illness, but you never know...
StevenO 11-18-07, 04:41 PM	Going out an playing DnD from 6 to 2 and driving home or going out at 8 and drinking until 1 then driving home? I think most parent would JUMP at the first option provide there isn't much drinking and gaming.
Count Arioch the 28th 11-19-07, 12:24 AM	Honestly, it seems like you have problems that might be a bit too complex to be solved on an internet message board. I wish you the best of luck on getting everything worked out, though.
metalmayhem80110 11-19-07, 12:27 AM	Okay, I suppose I should clarify a few more things about my situation. Age: 21 (gender: male) Education: 4th (out of 5) year in college Job: none Transportation: I have my own car; going and coming is not a problem, permission to do so is Location of Game: the game room of a book store (public place that everyone can meet at; they say sometimes they continue a game after the owner kicks them out at someone's house but I got the impression that that was a rarity that I wouldn't have to worry about missing out on anything by not attending one of those) (this means that no, I cannot sleep over there) Oh and to Charlym, I just met the group last night and I'm spending this weekend somewhere else. Yeah, I'll be talking with her as soon as I get home (but then I wouldn't have access to a computer to ask the people here their advice). Oh, this had better be a joke thread (Or I believe one of the biggest mama's boys has been found).
Tectorman 11-19-07, 11:26 AM	Well, thanks (or not) on how I should present this to Mom, but what about the group (should staying out 'til 2 AM be unpermissable)? And to everyone with the "Nancy boy"ish comments: Qovpatlh.
kelvinaw273 11-19-07, 11:44 AM	Well, thanks (or not) on how I should present this to Mom, but what about the group (should staying out 'til 2 AM be unpermissable)? Explain the situation to them and see what they think is best. And try not to become a serial killer, please ;)
Sorn-Toril 11-19-07, 11:55 AM	Alright here it goes. I have similar problems, however I'm 19 and not 21. Basically though my mother is a control freak and to be honest it's best I keep her happy due to the fact that, even though I work part time, I cannot pay for college. And yes my mother has the heartless *itch syndrome and has no qualms with booting my "disrespectful *ss" out of the house and thus ruining whatever semi decent relationship that we currently have. What do I do. Well I keep it strictly weekends and I try to get out fairly early in the day and go for as long as I can. Now granted the player's meet in one of the players houses every time (mine only when the beast is out). Is there a particular reason you meet in the back of a book store? I mean I guess it seems a little foreign to me but wouldn't it be more comfortable at one of the players houses? Just a thought. What keeps the players from meeting sooner? Some things need to be asked of your self as well though. If your not able to get up with the players every week, then let them know ahead of time. Ask your mother how late that you could make it without upsetting her and then go from there. I'll be truthful this isn't as hard as you make it out to be, it will just take some finagling. Good Gaming.
Dog_O_War 11-19-07, 12:03 PM	Okay, I suppose I should clarify a few more things about my situation. Age: 21 (gender: male) Education: 4th (out of 5) year in college Job: none Transportation: I have my own car; going and coming is not a problem, permission to do so is Location of Game: the game room of a book store (public place that everyone can meet at; they say sometimes they continue a game after the owner kicks them out at someone's house but I got the impression that that was a rarity that I wouldn't have to worry about missing out on anything by not attending one of those) (this means that no, I cannot sleep over there) Oh and to Charlym, I just met the group last night and I'm spending this weekend somewhere else. Yeah, I'll be talking with her as soon as I get home (but then I wouldn't have access to a computer to ask the people here their advice). I mirror everyone elses' comments. While living at home has it's advantages, and by no means should a college student like yerself move out. Your old enough; walk home. Even in the winter (well, if your living in the NWT or northern Russia or something, then this isn't an option) when you keep moving, you can stay warm with the appropriate clothes. I used to do this once per week at a similar distance of travel; I'd get home at about 3:30am from a long night of gaming. I'd be -25 C, but you'd swear it was only -15. If permission is the problem, well... maybe get her drunk so she passes out and won't know yer gone? Seriously though, you have to grow up sometime, and 21 is starting to push it.
Darknight303 11-19-07, 12:15 PM	I've got a similar problem but then I'm 17 so i dont have the option to move out. Though this is my last year of high school and then I'm moving out. Currently, my parents would report my car stolen if I wasn't home when I'm supposed to be or if im not supposed to be out at all. I recommend maxing move silently IRL, I have a basement door I can come in through. I don't need to know your house layout but you should do somehting similar.
Krusk 11-19-07, 01:05 PM	if for some reason you mom is against this, -you know her better than us, and know how she will react- just tell the group like it is. "Hey guys I would really love to game with you, but my mother who i still live with will not let me out of the house past ___ at night. I know its lame and I'm real sorry. Would it be possible to start and end earlier? if not thats fine too, but again i would really like to join." If they are cool people they might bump both times up an hour or two for you, if not oh well no big deal. Just find an online play by post or chat game and join that.
zenlike 11-19-07, 01:21 PM	I don't believe you should ask the group to change schedules(or stop early, or run your character) because one player is unable to get their mom to let them stay out past ten. If, however, they can play earlier and not be inconvenienced, say from 2-10 instead of 6-2, that's one thing. But, to have a player that cannot finish a session will begin to wear on a group (that's assuming they are OK in the first place with it/I, as a DM would not be). Perhaps they will be totally OK with your situation and accomodate your requests. I wouldn't count on it though. Having to leave with only half the session over is not cool. What you really need to do is sit and have a talk with your mother. She obviously cares about you but at some point she needs to let you grow up and make decisions on your own. Good luck and good gaming. I hope things work out for you.;)
Etarnon 11-19-07, 01:46 PM	Well if peace at home is paramount, find a different group, as this one's schedule is making it too tough. None of your three solutions in the original post would work for any DM in my group, and we'd see you as a one shot / two shot hanger on, not enough to hang storyline on (since you are never there for a full session), show up if you like kind of deal. Find a group that plays friday nights from 6 or so till like 11, or start one at your college. Or screw it and ask might they have a different time, cause i know some groups might like a time change, now and again. That's my 2 coppers.
Phrennzy 11-19-07, 04:42 PM	Well, thanks (or not) on how I should present this to Mom, but what about the group (should staying out 'til 2 AM be unpermissable)? And to everyone with the "Nancy boy"ish comments: Qovpatlh. Let me get my checklist out: 1. Lives with Mother? Yes. 1a. Lives in mother's basement? Unknown. 2. Plays D&D? Yes. 2a. Plays D&D on a Saturday Night? Yes. 2b. Plays D&D on a Saturday Night until AFTER the bars close? Yes. 3. Speaks Klingon? Yes. 3a. Uses Klingon epithets? Yes. 3b. Responds to criticisms with Klingon epithets? Yes. 4. Never kissed a girl? Unknown. Hmmm... By these calculations...
Etarnon 11-19-07, 05:02 PM	By these calculations, he's the WOTC target audience, just like the rest of us...except the older folk don't live at parental home, any more, typically. ;) Gaming Geeks for the win.
CryoSilver 11-19-07, 05:07 PM	I'd just see if you can stay the night, though you sbould strongly consider discussing this with your parentals. I'm 19 and I come and go as I please (half the time I don't even get home from work or school until after midnight).
Exposed_Wires 11-19-07, 05:41 PM	This thread has made my day! I wanna know where the OP is from. What part of the country are you from, Tec? Do you drink? Are you allowed to? There is a difference between respecting your mother and being your own person. If you're 21, she's done all the mothering she can. Your bedtimes are your responsibility, now, and she should understand that. You shouldn't be thinking of asking anything of this new group, cause it's not their problem. Anyway, its been fun. I'm 21 too but i don't live at home. Plus my parents are really cool, so i can only kinda relate.
setekh 11-19-07, 06:03 PM	I'd probably have gone off on one here, but seeing as you did mention extenuating circumstances I'm mollified :P (I turn 21 next March -Still at home-) Anyway, with my own experiences asking should be your main priority, and if she says no ask -politely- why not. If it's just driving at night, then walk. Walking is good for you.
Endarrion 11-19-07, 06:06 PM	I had a fairly free roam from the age of 16. I just turned 21 yesterday, and I'm 2 months into living on my own with my girlfriend. This is really a huge bummer for you. I suppose that a simple sit-down conversation should suffice. If it does not, then perhaps it's time to hit the road? Good luck.
2goth4U 11-19-07, 06:39 PM	ok, since the time I was 14, I would go to my friends' place straight from high school and play D&D or some other RPG there with a bunch of friends. I would either catch a ride home or stay over afterwards. I rarely communicated with my family about this, they just assumed that's where I was and what I was doing. Perhaps, your family is not as liberal though. Also, depending on where you live the age of Majority is different but I don't know of any jurisdiction that would not make you a legal adult at 21. Many parts of Canada are 18 or 19 and much of the US is 21. I was nightclubbing and staying out all night when I was 19 so the thought of having to ask permission to stay out to play a game in a much safer environment at age 21 seems extraordinarily odd. Now, that being said there are certain things to consider. 1) as an adult you are free legally to do as you please but along with that comes the acknowledgement that you are also legally responsible as well. your parents can not prevent you from coming or going (if they do you can have them charged with kidnapping/unlawful confinement) 2) being in university likely means you are not gainfully employed and can not contribute financially to your living situation. this puts the parents in the power situation. First, remember the story of the rope that could restrain the elephant. The elephant could easily tear the strand but in his mind the force was greater so he defeated himself. Also, if your parents are paying your way through school you do owe them your best effort and perhaps they think if you are out playing D&D you're neglecting your studies. Be an adult and approach them as one. Point out your need to get in some weekly relaxation and that this game happens to go late. Assuming your studies are cruising along without any problems and that you are respectful in trying to minimize the disturbance of coming in that late, any reasonable parents would abide such an arrangement. Find out what concerns they may have that you haven't considered. It is a 2-way discussion. Point out that it could be worse. That students at your university go out and drink to excess and participate in other dangerous behaviour whereas you are responsible and would not do such things and that you just want to hang out with some friend playing a game. Finally, if they refuse to budge from their position play hardball. Do what you want, they can't stop you. They can negotiate with you or you will do it your way, which do they prefer? Be prepared for them to play hardball. Like if you come home at 2am and find your belongings in the yard, for example. Go and get a student loan if you need to. Find a roommate. When they see how serious you are they will likely backdown. If they don't then getting out of a caustic environment like that will certainly facilitate you growth as a responsible person.
PhaedrusXY 11-19-07, 06:48 PM	Also, depending on where you live the age of Majority is different but I don't know of any jurisdiction that would not make you a legal adult at 21. Many parts of Canada are 18 or 19 and much of the US is 21.People are considered legal adults in the US at 18 in all states, AFAIK. (Can vote, serve in the military, get married, etc. I think you can get married earlier in some states.) The legal drinking age is 21, for some stupid reason, though.
Orenmir 11-19-07, 07:00 PM	Get out of your Mom's house. You're an adult; the house belongs to her; unless you're paying rent, she makes the rules. This is a bad situation for anyone over 18 (out of high school). Get a part-time job. Apply for an unsubsidized school loan -- that will let you pay for rent. And get an apartment. Grab some friends and split rent. Where do you take girls after a date?
kuonji 11-20-07, 06:04 AM	Let me get my checklist out: 1. Lives with Mother? Yes. 1a. Lives in mother's basement? Unknown. 2. Plays D&D? Yes. 2a. Plays D&D on a Saturday Night? Yes. 2b. Plays D&D on a Saturday Night until AFTER the bars close? Yes. 3. Speaks Klingon? Yes. 3a. Uses Klingon epithets? Yes. 3b. Responds to criticisms with Klingon epithets? Yes. 4. Never kissed a girl? Unknown. Hmmm... By these calculations... Phrennzy, you are my favorite poster on these boards.
key 11-20-07, 09:40 AM	Where do you take girls after a date? Mom likes to watch.
Phrennzy 11-20-07, 10:11 AM	Mom likes to watch. If there was a smilie for "Incredibly Guffaw of Laughter" I would use it here.
sacerd 11-20-07, 11:34 AM	Well man, I figure its kinda like this. your 21 and live with your mother, that is not unusual as you are still in collage. That being said, the fact is this, if you live with your mother and you are not the bread winner in the house then you need to listen to her. It does not matter if you are 21 or 51, the fact remains you are going to have a heck of a time trying to convince her of how "grown up" and "mature" you are and trying to assert your "adulthood" while she is paying your way, whether it be your clothes, food, gas for your car, school, car insurance, Doctor Bills and whatever else come up. Ask you mother if its okay if you hang out later than normal. If she says no Do Not argue with her about. it just say okay, after all you owe it to her to be respectful. Remember there will be plenty of time for gaming when you do eventually move out.
_Jayne_Cobb_ 11-20-07, 11:41 AM	Well man, I figure its kinda lie this. Typo, Freudian slip, or clever satire? Whichever it is, it is pure win.
sacerd 11-20-07, 11:44 AM	eek I will fix it. Although I do agree with my attempted meaning.:D
Dog_O_War 11-20-07, 12:08 PM	:rofl: As funny as some of these responses have been, they're bordering on abuse of the OP. A man in his situation needn't hear all of his short-comings at once, especially in a public place like these boards. Maybe we could steer back to friendly advice?
CrimsonDeath 11-20-07, 12:11 PM	At twenty-one, you really should be coming and going freely, so long as you do not disturb anyone (max out your move silently skill ;) ). Parents get about a +20 to Listen checks against their own children, though (offsetting the penalty for being asleep).
Tectorman 11-20-07, 12:30 PM	:rofl: As funny as some of these responses have been, they're bordering on abuse of the OP. A man in his situation needn't hear all of his short-comings at once, especially in a public place like these boards. Maybe we could steer back to friendly advice? Actually, I just use the software in my sig (from Brewster Rockit) to ignore that part. The advice given along those lines I just dismiss. ("Hey, Mom, these guys from the Internet said you need to let me come and go as I please and stay out if I want." Doctor Evil says, "Ri-iiiight.") But thanks, anyway. I'm pretty sure I can push my stay out deadline up into the 11 o'clocks (midnight at the latest), but that's still two-ish hours before the group normally finishes. So how do I go about asking them to accomodate for that? Incidentally, she's a little more protective and controlling than usual. On the other hand, I did just have a car wreck (totaled the car, BTW) less than a month ago. Don't judge her too harshly based on that.
sacerd 11-20-07, 12:44 PM	Just ask them if its okay if you leave a couple of hours before they do. I mean two in the morning is getting kinda late anyway, more so if you have to drive to get to your bed, I am sure they would understand this is after all a game and not a job LOL
CryoSilver 11-20-07, 12:50 PM	Parents get about a +20 to Listen checks against their own children, though (offsetting the penalty for being asleep). I sometimes deliberately walk on the squeakiest parts of my floor, to let my parents know I'm home without saying anything.
TwistedPuppy 11-20-07, 01:38 PM	Incidentally, she's a little more protective and controlling than usual. On the other hand, I did just have a car wreck (totaled the car, BTW) less than a month ago. Don't judge her too harshly based on that. Having a 21yo daughter who was recently in an auto accident (mercifully total damage was less than $2000, no injuries) I can see her reservations about a half hour drive home at 2 AM after 8 hours of gaming - with her paying your insurance. If the issue is the travel, there is a possible solution: get your mom to let you invite the group to your place, have chips, pizza, sodas ready and you all have a good time.
wordserpent 11-20-07, 02:32 PM	Move out. You are a man now. If your college C.U.M. is high enough you can get scholarships to pay for tuition and board in a dorm. You can take out student loans and be self sufficient. You can be self sufficent and still respect your parents. You can have it all.
Tectorman 11-20-07, 04:29 PM	Okay, one last thing I need to clear up. It's a thirty-minute commute to where they play. By car. On the highway. In another city. Entirely not within walking distance. And no, I can't really invite them to my house (which is really too bad; Mom'd probably be okay with it, but I can't ask them to commute like that; I'd be pushing it to ask them to end earlier, as it is)
CryoSilver 11-20-07, 05:28 PM	I just noticed the comment that she's paying your insurance. In that case, your driving is more or less at her mercy. Don't know what to tell ya except pay your own insurance.
Exposed_Wires 11-20-07, 09:14 PM	I don't need to give you any more crap about being a man. You totaled a car that you didn't own. You owe somebody your soul. I can totally understand why she wouldn't want you out driving late. Do your best not to make the other group suffer. It doesn't look good asking too much of them when you guys haven't really gotten to know each other.
Eprahs 11-21-07, 02:00 AM	OK, so the question is down to "how do I work this out with my brand new group?", basically. No biggy, like everything else in life, be a man and ask. Yeah yeah, everyone has been busting your chops about your lifestyle(which is completely normal for a coledge student), but you still need to be upfront about your situation. Just ask your group of they can start the game earlier, if they can't... well they can't. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to, but if you're willing to work with people you can still be OK. You might even want to try and ask one, or a few, of the guys that you game with to have a second game every other week(or 1/month). That way, you can play, not stay out late and still leave your groups' game intact. Mull it over, just be honest and drop a pair. :p
CCS 11-21-07, 02:46 AM	Well, at 21 I'd think it'd be time you & Mom had a talk.... But that's really your own problem/bussiness. Anyways, back on topic.... If you do decide on early nights, try this; Make a character who's got multiple personalities. Crazy, possessed, whatever. When you're present, fine. When you leave you switch personas, function as an NPC under the DMs control, and legitimately don't know/experience anything your "other side" does. Heck, you could come to discover that you're a completely different class, alignment, etc. Or you might even be able to work it so that instead of having duel personalities you simply switch places with another, similar, NPC. I once played a character like this based loosely on the DC Comics character Adam Strange. Occasionally a beam of magical light would stike me & I'd switch places with an oriental dude from Kara-Tur. If either of these ideas won't work, you could also find yourself transformed into an object or even a simple animal companion. Think figurine of wonderous power or reverse were-creature. And these options are much simpler to RP as well. So just because you may not be able to stay & play until 2AM, doesn't have to spell inconvenience for all.
wizarddog 11-22-07, 03:14 AM	Look, the group will understand. They will accommodate your schedule. If you have to leave early-do so. Remember --you have to live with your mom-you see these guys once a week. I had to get permission from my WIFE to stay out past midnight on game night. Even then I had to call her when I was leaving. But later she realized how important the game was and let me stay out till 2. Now I host my own game and she plays in it :angelhide But for the sake of your sanity-DON'T UPSET THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE. ;)
Etarnon 11-22-07, 03:51 AM	If the woman in my life gets upset with how I live it, I get a new woman. Dude, all this flack about you need to move out.. make your own decision. None of the people here saying "Move out" are fronting you for rent. Seriously. Deal as you can. The fact that the car is totaled, wow, you got bigger problems than "I can't make it to my gaming." Good luck.
Jutter 11-23-07, 04:34 AM	But for the sake of your sanity-DON'T UPSET THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE. ;) Quoted. I bow for your wisdom. This does not reflect how it should be, or how we want it to be. It does not reflect what is fair or what isn't. It's just the way it is, like government and cornbread. On topic. OP, you depend on certain people (your mother for a living and your gaming group for your D&D shot). Try to work something out with them. You know how to approach your mother, and you know the kind of people in the gaming group. Don't be unreasonable in your demands and you might be able to work something out. And if it doesn't work out, well, considering your situation there's not much you can do about it. Like government and cornbread.
Eater_Of_Souls 11-23-07, 11:58 AM	Frankly talk with your group about your situation, which is that your mom gets upset for you driving back home at late hours. Your only option for playing as late as you like to get a job and move to your own place and thats it no but and no ifs unless you mother agrees. Like others have told you 'her house her rules'.
Tonil 11-24-07, 11:38 PM	I will offer a weak defense of Tectorman's situation. First, ignore those who say you should move out or some other nonsense. Second, I understand how driving late at night can be a problem, and how some people get really worried about it, and even driving in general. Maybe irrationally so, but they do. I have relatives that hate to drive at night, to the point that they rarely do. My Mom used to insist that I call her as soon as I arrived at my destination. Even after I moved out. Until I was about 30. Just last week I was coming home from a game at 1:00 am and a deer ran in front of my car and I almost hit it. That wakes you up real quick. So while I do not agree with your Mom, I understand that some people get really worried. I also understand that this is something you have to work around, and since you are new to the group your choices are limited at that end. So, some suggestions: 1. Leaving the game early can work. Some of the suggestions above are good. 2. "Work" on your Mom. Leave at 11:00 for a few weeks and show her that you are OK. Then leave at 12:00 for a few weeks, and show her you are OK. Rinse, Repeat, until you can stay as long as you wish. She will get less nervous and will relax as you do it more. 3. Tell her you will call when you leave. That lets her know when to expect you. It also means she is not worrying at 10:45, when in fact you are still at the game. This worked with my parents for years. 4. Do you have a cell phone? If not, get one. Then write down emergency numbers, including tow trucks, taxi companies, etc. Show your Mom you have them. This will also make her less nervous. 5. I lived with my parents until I was 23. My Dad used to tell me "You do not have a curfew, but let us know when you will be home so we do not worry. If you are not going to come home, tell us." I thought that was the best compromise, try it with your Mom. 6. It took awhile, but I finally convinced my Mom that "No news is good news." If I was in an accident, you would find out. If I don't call, I am OK. Moms are Moms: they are all crazy, they are all usually wrong, but ignore them at your peril.
Thecolorblue 11-25-07, 06:28 PM	I don't know the entire situation, but they key very well might be your dad. If your parents are divorced, you can see about moving in with him. If not, he can help swing the decisions in your favor. At the very least, dads tend to want their sons to grow up, instead of suffocating them like mothers do. I had a very similar situation with my mother. My parents divorced shortly before I turned 18, and I stayed with my mom since I was still in school and didn't want to move. She got more and more controlling and possesive as time went on, and eventually I had to ask my dad if I could move in with him instead. And things suddenly got much better, since I had more freedom I actually grew up a lot and became much more independant.
Voran 11-25-07, 08:12 PM	Hm. Option 1 is moving out. Option 2 is learning the art of the evasive, non-specific answer. (Mom: Where you going? Basement Dweller: Out. Mom: When will you be back? Basement Dweller: Later) I mean, it works when you're a teen and should keep working until mid 20s or you pick option 1. Option 3, you talk with mom, and STATE your intentions, and not ask her permission, since yknow, you're an adult and pay taxes and vote and stuff. Oh, and if you're driving home at the 'drunk people drive home' hour, and you get pulled over by the cops, when they ask, "Have you had anything to drink tonight?" Don't go "Just my potions of extra-healing, if ya know what I mean officer!"
Fitz10019 11-26-07, 03:33 PM	If you do decide on early nights, try this; Make a character who's got multiple personalities. Or a narcoleptic. The character collapses, asleep, when you need to leave. No burden for the DM, just for the party. Heh. So, some suggestions: 1. Leaving the game early can work. Some of the suggestions above are good. 2. "Work" on your Mom. Leave at 11:00 for a few weeks and show her that you are OK. Then leave at 12:00 for a few weeks, and show her you are OK. Rinse, Repeat, until you can stay as long as you wish. She will get less nervous and will relax as you do it more. 3. Tell her you will call when you leave. That lets her know when to expect you. It also means she is not worrying at 10:45, when in fact you are still at the game. This worked with my parents for years. 4. Do you have a cell phone? If not, get one. Then write down emergency numbers, including tow trucks, taxi companies, etc. Show your Mom you have them. This will also make her less nervous. 5. I lived with my parents until I was 23. My Dad used to tell me "You do not have a curfew, but let us know when you will be home so we do not worry. If you are not going to come home, tell us." I thought that was the best compromise, try it with your Mom. 6. It took awhile, but I finally convinced my Mom that "No news is good news." If I was in an accident, you would find out. If I don't call, I am OK. I think Tonil's formula is great, but I'd substitute text messaging for calls, if your mom is savvy enough for texts. Texts are benign enough that they interrupt you less to make them, and interrupt her less to receive them. About when you totalled the car... were you drinking? Did you fall asleep at the wheel? You may need to establish reassurances about how the previous problem will not happen again. Tell her you won't be drinking (and don't), and offer to blow into a breathalizer when you get home. Or promise to get a cup of coffee, etc. You need to break the associate between the old accident, and your new activity. If it's a nuissance to the group that you're leaving at 11 in the beginning, just shadow the group for the first few weeks. You will learn more about them and it will help your character fit (or not fit in, but it will be a researched RP choice).
tankschmidt 11-26-07, 04:04 PM	Although that checklist was pretty funny (sorry Tec), I don't think suggesting that the original poster grow up will do much good. Why not? - because it doesn't have all that much to do with the fact that he lives with his mom. When I lived with my parents, I gamed that late at night relatively frequently. I just came home quietly and made sure the door was locked before turning in. Nowadays, though, my wife would flip her **** if I tried to game from 6 to 2am on a Saturday night! If I were in your situation, I'd just ask if I could bow out early each session - build it into your characters if necessary. Play a string of narcoleptics, absent-minded professors with busy agendas, or lycanthropes who must turn into houseflies whenever the moon is in a certain position.
Sagelyone 11-26-07, 06:15 PM	I can somewhat relate with the OP. Depending on where he lives, moving out may or may not be possible at that age. I know that in southern california (my current residence) you would be a god among men to find a place to live THAT YOU CAN AFFORD by 21. Personally, between school, sleep and studying, i would have to make upwards of $16-18 an hour working AT LEAST 15 hours a week to hold an appartment with 1 or 2 roommates. That and you've got no money for any semblance of a social life. Everything left over goes right to tuition and books. However, on to a suggestion, just try reasoning with one side, and if that doesn't work so well, the other. Try your mother first, as the guys probably won't be so forgiving.
Mock26 11-26-07, 08:16 PM	Ask your mom if it is OK for you to be out that late. If she say's OK, then ask her about driving that late. If she says OK to that then you're all set. If she says no to driving that late then see if someone else in the group can drive. If she says that it isn't OK to be out that late I'd suggest not playing. It is not fair to the rest of the group to expect them to cater to the needs of one player, especially when it can possibly be very disruptive to their game. Sometimes there are times in your life where you cannot play D&D. But, it never hurts to ask. Just be prepared to hear that they won't or cannot change their schedule. If you can get your mom to agree to 12:30 am then you can ask the group if they can play from 6-12 or from 4-12. Again, you lose nothing for asking, but asking doesn't mean getting.
Mock26 11-26-07, 08:18 PM	At twenty-one, you really should be coming and going freely It matters not the age. When you are still living at home you still have to abide by your parent's rules. It is one of the prices you pay for no rent and free food. It is also a matter of respect for your parents for letting you live there when they are under no obligation to let you live there. To me the original poster sounds like someone who respects his parents, not a "nancy-boy."
Tectorman 11-27-07, 11:16 AM	It matters not the age. When you are still living at home you still have to abide by your parent's rules. It is one of the prices you pay for no rent and free food. It is also a matter of respect for your parents for letting you live there when they are under no obligation to let you live there. To me the original poster sounds like someone who respects his parents, not a "nancy-boy." Thank you. Well, the situation is resolved for the time being. What I didn't mention (didn't think it important) is that the group, including me, is eight players and one DM. Way too many people for everyone to guarantee that they can all be there every Saturday for the entire duration. So what the DM did was institute a "Base Camp Checkpoint" system. Essentially, anytime there's a lull in the action/storytelling that's reasonable secure, wherever the group is is dubbed the "Base Camp". Once here, you have the option of your character staying there and being reunited with the party the next time you (the player) show up (using some in-story explanation {how this will deal with teleportations or plane shifts, I can't imagine, but...}), or keep going with the rest of the party (and enough checkpoints are available per session for me to keep going up to 11 o'clock). Example: my character met up with the party accompanied by the scouting runners that she was with, she traveled with them up to the pyramid where we had to fight some desert devils, the party will travel on, but her brother was injured and she'll stay behind for a while until he's better and then catch up (when I come next session) So thanks for the advice and encouragement.