How do you insult a (hob)goblin? [Archive] - Wizards Community

How do you insult a (hob)goblin? [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Lord Psynister
05-22-04, 12:49 AM The title says it all.

What do you say to a goblin/hobgoblin to insult them?
MoogleEmpMog
05-22-04, 01:21 AM Call 'im an orc. :D

Actually, this only works on hobgoblins, and results in death.

Goblins are insulted by everything, but they won't let you know it. They'll just bottle it up inside and then, one day, they won't say anything, they'll just sneak into your house while you're asleep and kill you with a chainsaw.

Props to anyone who knows where the last part of that line comes from. ;)
Orcish Fury
05-22-04, 02:47 AM Being a goblin is an insult in itself. Why make the poor things feel worse?
Salla
05-22-04, 07:58 AM "Yo mamma's an elf!"

That insults EVERYBODY.
Grim Sage
05-22-04, 08:17 AM "Your mother was a hamster, and you father smelt... of elderberries!"
TheMightyMcClaw
05-22-04, 10:53 AM From Master of the Flying Gulliotine

"I heard that they have a saying in China.... 'It is easier to kill a coward than to find a way to insult him.' "

I don't think that it should be to hard to apply that to hobgoblins....
Edymnion
05-22-04, 01:24 PM Originally posted by Salla
"Yo mamma's an elf!"

That insults EVERYBODY. Salla beat me to it. Call his mother an elf, that'll do the job. If not, call his father a dwarf.

"See, this is what happens when an Elf marries a Dwarf!"
Lord Psynister
05-22-04, 03:09 PM Alright, let me give you the situation then:

I'm playing an elven ranger, and my group just went into a tavern where we heard a woman screaming. (Favored Enemy Goblinoids)

When we got inside, we saw a woman in a large cage, who was about to be raped by a hobgoblin. Everyone in the place thought it was quite a show...everyone except me and the rest of the party, that is.

So we're working on saving the woman. One man mentioned that you can fight the hobgoblin if you'd like, if people were willing to bet on you.

But I've got to get the thing's attention first. I can't just break the lock on the cage and walk right on inside, or else I've got a full tavern worth of people that will want to do something about it.

So, I'm trying to get the beast to fight me for the girl.
Lord Xcapobl
05-22-04, 03:22 PM "Hey Hob ! Is that a Goblin between your legs ?"
"Yo momma was an Elf!" (mentioned before, but just for completeness.)
"What chariot drove over your face to make it as ugly as it is ?"
"Awww. You couldn't hold a real long sword, now could you ?"
"Yo pappa was a Goblin."
"You're not doing this to prove you're not gay, aren't you ?" (no insult intended towards homosexuals, just towards this Hobgoblin.)

If nothing else works, just yell out in a crystal clear and commanding voice:
"Hob! I'm your father!"
He should probably shift his attention then.

Regards,
Lord Xcapobl
Thorak
05-22-04, 03:24 PM I'll start by reiterating the 'elf' bit. Calling anyone an elf is a dire insult. Even elves.

Situationally, though, since the goblin's about to engage in rape, start insulting it's, errr, 'hobgoblinhood'. Start with size, then move on to shape, his ability to use it properly, his inability to pee standing up, etc, etc. Preferably delivered in Goblinoid with the appropriate cuss words. Especially if the hobgoblin removes his pants; things like "Geez, I said he had the _____ of a kobold, but keeerikey that thing makes an elf look well-endowed!"

Hopefully by this time the hobgoblin is A> furious and ready to kill you, and B> too self-concious to go on trying to rape the poor lass.
Edymnion
05-22-04, 10:11 PM Originally posted by Thorak
but keeerikey that thing makes an elf look well-endowed!" :rofl:
Oh, this is so getting moved to the Mature Boards for that one, but damn if it wasn't worth it!
:rofl:
tarkin
05-24-04, 04:39 PM Insult for Goblins:

"Hey Kobold!"

Insult for Goblins
"God not another vermin swarm."
Myst
05-24-04, 08:52 PM theres always the "your mother was a human!" besides the elf ones
Gandilas
05-24-04, 09:57 PM Hello.

Or your mother was a goblin and your father was a...hobbit. <insert desultory comment about his "third leg", using hobbit and the word small liberally>.

Where else do they get hob-goblin from?
Galethorn
05-25-04, 05:13 PM Hasn't anybody ever played Baldur's Gate? Call him a Knobgoblin!

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Lord Psynister 05-22-04, 12:49 AM	The title says it all. What do you say to a goblin/hobgoblin to insult them?
MoogleEmpMog 05-22-04, 01:21 AM	Call 'im an orc. :D Actually, this only works on hobgoblins, and results in death. Goblins are insulted by everything, but they won't let you know it. They'll just bottle it up inside and then, one day, they won't say anything, they'll just sneak into your house while you're asleep and kill you with a chainsaw. Props to anyone who knows where the last part of that line comes from. ;)
Orcish Fury 05-22-04, 02:47 AM	Being a goblin is an insult in itself. Why make the poor things feel worse?
Salla 05-22-04, 07:58 AM	"Yo mamma's an elf!" That insults EVERYBODY.
Grim Sage 05-22-04, 08:17 AM	"Your mother was a hamster, and you father smelt... of elderberries!"
TheMightyMcClaw 05-22-04, 10:53 AM	From Master of the Flying Gulliotine "I heard that they have a saying in China.... 'It is easier to kill a coward than to find a way to insult him.' " I don't think that it should be to hard to apply that to hobgoblins....
Edymnion 05-22-04, 01:24 PM	Originally posted by Salla "Yo mamma's an elf!" That insults EVERYBODY. Salla beat me to it. Call his mother an elf, that'll do the job. If not, call his father a dwarf. "See, this is what happens when an Elf marries a Dwarf!"
Lord Psynister 05-22-04, 03:09 PM	Alright, let me give you the situation then: I'm playing an elven ranger, and my group just went into a tavern where we heard a woman screaming. (Favored Enemy Goblinoids) When we got inside, we saw a woman in a large cage, who was about to be raped by a hobgoblin. Everyone in the place thought it was quite a show...everyone except me and the rest of the party, that is. So we're working on saving the woman. One man mentioned that you can fight the hobgoblin if you'd like, if people were willing to bet on you. But I've got to get the thing's attention first. I can't just break the lock on the cage and walk right on inside, or else I've got a full tavern worth of people that will want to do something about it. So, I'm trying to get the beast to fight me for the girl.
Lord Xcapobl 05-22-04, 03:22 PM	"Hey Hob ! Is that a Goblin between your legs ?" "Yo momma was an Elf!" (mentioned before, but just for completeness.) "What chariot drove over your face to make it as ugly as it is ?" "Awww. You couldn't hold a real long sword, now could you ?" "Yo pappa was a Goblin." "You're not doing this to prove you're not gay, aren't you ?" (no insult intended towards homosexuals, just towards this Hobgoblin.) If nothing else works, just yell out in a crystal clear and commanding voice: "Hob! I'm your father!" He should probably shift his attention then. Regards, Lord Xcapobl
Thorak 05-22-04, 03:24 PM	I'll start by reiterating the 'elf' bit. Calling anyone an elf is a dire insult. Even elves. Situationally, though, since the goblin's about to engage in rape, start insulting it's, errr, 'hobgoblinhood'. Start with size, then move on to shape, his ability to use it properly, his inability to pee standing up, etc, etc. Preferably delivered in Goblinoid with the appropriate cuss words. Especially if the hobgoblin removes his pants; things like "Geez, I said he had the _____ of a kobold, but keeerikey that thing makes an elf look well-endowed!" Hopefully by this time the hobgoblin is A> furious and ready to kill you, and B> too self-concious to go on trying to rape the poor lass.
Edymnion 05-22-04, 10:11 PM	Originally posted by Thorak but keeerikey that thing makes an elf look well-endowed!" :rofl: Oh, this is so getting moved to the Mature Boards for that one, but damn if it wasn't worth it! :rofl:
tarkin 05-24-04, 04:39 PM	Insult for Goblins: "Hey Kobold!" Insult for Goblins "God not another vermin swarm."
Myst 05-24-04, 08:52 PM	theres always the "your mother was a human!" besides the elf ones
Gandilas 05-24-04, 09:57 PM	Hello. Or your mother was a goblin and your father was a...hobbit. <insert desultory comment about his "third leg", using hobbit and the word small liberally>. Where else do they get hob-goblin from?
Galethorn 05-25-04, 05:13 PM	Hasn't anybody ever played Baldur's Gate? Call him a Knobgoblin!