How To Get A Player To Leave [Archive] - Wizards Community

How To Get A Player To Leave [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Meltear
10-03-06, 12:13 AM Ok, here's the rub. I'm currently playing in a D&D group I love. These people have grown to be really good friends and I do not want to leave the gaming group. However, we are all being irritated by one member of the group, who simply does not fit in. Details posted behind cut, copied from the 1001 worst players thread. (ARGH, I cannot do the expanding code box thing, will post at the end instead.)

So, essentially I'm looking for a way to get rid of this player. Or just stories about how you got a player to leave the group. Stories are good.

The One Who Can't Remember Their Manners

This particular person has been a pain since the first session, but things really struck home when our normal venue was unavailable and so we were gaming at the Good Couples house. When we arrived, they were making tea, and to our suprise and delight it was for everybody! So we all get our food and eat. This dude was a pretty sloppy sort of an eater, for a start, and then at the end of the meal made a comment along the lines of "I didn't get much". I notice the couple sort of glance at each other, before one of them says that there was a litlte more left. So he served himself another bowl and continued eating noisily while we started gaming.

And this has gone on. Asking the DM for rides to places ten minutes before he has to leave and 30 minutes before the game's set to end, but not in a "Could I please get a ride?" kinda way, but rather a "Oh man, my bus leaves in fifteen minutes, and I'll have to wait two hours before the next one. That'll suck." *looks at dm*

Shudder.

The One Who's Self-Centered And Stupid

Mentioned in the first 100, I know, but it's good to get my frustration out. :) Thanks for listening.

Thinks he's the most important character, despite being completely unable to do anything even approaching to either roleplaying or combat. Plays a bard yet wields an overlarge scythe, dresses in black robes and has a tiger. Also seems to think being a bard gives him rogue abilities. For example, last session he wanted to go off and do rogueish stuff so he handed his huge scythe to another character (who could barely hold it) and tried to walk off. When the other character's player stated "I drop it" the self-centered one went balistic about how much the scythe was worth, family heirloom etc.

The Obscenely Unimaginative One

We're currently playing with a rules-lite, story-heavy, coolness-reigns-supreme DM who loves to make things look and sound cool. We get bonuses if we describe how we do things rather than just stating "I attack the orc with my sword" and other such boringnessess. However this player fails to understand how to do this. It took about 5 tries and a lot of DM help/explanation to get "I drag my weapon across the ground, spraying sparks, before slicing upwards into the orc."

Really makes me wonder why he plays D&D.

The One Who Doesn't Get It

My groups tend to be fairly mature. Don't get me wrong, we make fart jokes and mess about as much as the next group, but sex isn't some mysterious occurence that never happens in (or out of) the games. PC/PC, PC/NPC, NPC/NPC, it's all been seen or done, not graphically, but it's there. So consequently, dirty jokes will often occur, both in and out of character.

And this guy doesn't get it. No matter how simple a joke is, he just won't get it if it's even might be related to sex somehow. Then he'll laugh, say "I don't get it!" and look around, as if expecting an explanation.

Example: Big party was being held, the final night of the new year festivities, couples running out of the manor house it was held in, scuttling off into the bushes, getting intimate and running back. The monk of the party, being particularly naive to the way of the world, assumed that the couples were playing a popular chess-like game in the bushes. This turned into a IC and OOC joke that was repeated throughout the session, often with superb timing, generating much mirth.

But the one who doesn't get it just... does not get it.
GaffeR
10-03-06, 12:25 AM Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved.
DarkRhystar
10-03-06, 12:36 AM Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved.

Seconded.

Also be prepared to explain your reasons (also politely).
CryoSilver
10-03-06, 12:45 AM Hide behind a door and wait for the problem player to walk by. When he does, hit him with a folding chair and roll him down a hill.

Problem solved.

Or you could talk to him, I guess.
LordBOB777
10-03-06, 01:01 AM this might be a little rude but just get pi**ed at him, It worked for me.

Also how about you dont tell this player that your playing. Say that things keep coming up ( schedules clash/family's in town ect...) Maybe he will just leave you all alone for a while. Tell him you'll call him when everyone's schedule is aligned.

When i got mad at our DM i kicked him out. It was my place so i had the right. Simply put, he had 3 minutes to leave before i called the police (it worked very well). Thats been almost a month ago and our group (with a new DM) seems pretty happy.

You dont necessarly have to take my advice but I thought I would share my story.
Dwarvenforged
10-03-06, 01:36 AM How to make a player to leave.

My group tends to make people we don't like leave. It's probably not the most mature way, and it's probably not the best way, but it's got a proven track record. Never has somebody we didn't like stayed. I won't comment on your reasons for wanting to get rid of him since that's not what you asked.

That being said, this is how my group gets rid of players we don't like.
We would ridicule him for the things he does in (and out of character), routinely screw his character, ignore anything his character says, and basically make his time playing with us as uncomfortable and unenjoyable as possible. Most of my players are extremely sarcastic, mean spirited, and blunt to people we don't like. I repeat, I don't recommend that to everyone, but that's what works for us.

Now, what do we do with someone we don't particulary like or dislike, but we would rather not play with for whatever reason? We send them an e-mail telling them that, "We're not going to be playing for awhile. We'll let you know if we start back." And we never invite them again. That may be a lie, but it's probably more mature than what I described above.

Lesse...The only other option besides tricking him and being mean to him is asking him to leave politely, but I don't think my group has ever done that. It may work though! That really would be the most mature and polite way to handle it.
Kradlo
10-03-06, 11:49 AM If you think that the fellow has a possibility to redeem himself, sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him in the most direct fashion possible how his inappropriate behavior is affecting the group. He's got two choices: shape up, or ship out.

If he tries to deny it, or claim, "I didn't think it was a big deal," tell him that it is a big deal, and he's going to get the boot if he doesn't change his ways immediately. Tell him he's on probation, and one more incident will result in him being ejected from the group permanently.

If you think he's unsalvageable, just boot him right away. You can be polite, but tell him that his behavior has negatively affected the group, and he's got to go. Perhaps he'll learn a lesson from this that will help him in his next group. Wish him well and say goodbye.
RobbyPants
10-03-06, 01:21 PM Best advice I can give is to flat out tell him directly. Don't waste anyone's time with passive-aggressive behavior.

Also, if you figure that it's best to have him fully leave, don't let him guilt you into giving him a 2nd chance. It might seem like the nice thing to do, but you'll probably end up with the worst of both worlds (he's still annoying, and you had to go through the awkwardness of confrontation).
mudbunny
10-03-06, 01:53 PM First, I would talk to the person. Explain your problems.

While the rest of your group seems fairly up-to-speed on the normal process of interacting with other people, this player may simply not have a clue. Seriously. We all know someone who has no real clue how to act around other people.

Explain to him the problem(s).
Explain to him the consequence(s).

Do the above if there is the remote possibility that you may have to interact with this person sometime in the future.

If you won't, or you are past the point of trying to rehab this person then call them, and thell them straight out "The rest of the group does not enjoy playing with you anymore, so we won't."
FeceMan
10-03-06, 02:45 PM That being said, this is how my group gets rid of players we don't like.
We would ridicule him for the things he does in (and out of character), routinely screw his character, ignore anything his character says, and basically make his time playing with us as uncomfortable and unenjoyable as possible. Most of my players are extremely sarcastic, mean spirited, and blunt to people we don't like.
Are you certain you are of the legal age to have joined these boards?
DarkNick
10-03-06, 02:51 PM Sounds like none of you are particularly keen to talk to him about it. Which is cool, some people (including me) don't like the confrontation.

I agree with what some of the others said - make sure everyone is in agreement first. Designate someone to tell him (unfortunately this is often the DMs job). Don't do it on the night you play in front of everyone. Send him an email or give him a phone call. Tell him straight that the group does not want him playing anymore , say it is not working out and that he is not fitting in and leave it at that. If you find this too difficult then lie. Say your taking a break, then keep playing without him. The downside of this is that if they find out later everyone feels real bad so honesty is the best policy.

I've done this once before. I was playing a game at work and two of us did not want to play with the other player anymore. I told them I was too busy to DM anymore and since no one else would DM the game folded. Me and the other player then recruited someone else and started again. Recently the guy we booted saw us walking up the stairs one lunchtime with all the gear so I am sure he figured it all out. Fortunately I don't really care much as he was never a friend. Even more fortunately he works in a different section so I don't see him much. I still feel a little bad about it though.

I would not recommend trying to force him out by treating him bad. It is just a bad way of doing things. You would not be respecting him or yourselves and it is demeaning. You don't want to act like politicians.
Psionx
10-03-06, 03:01 PM you can't really nail him on the unimaginative or not getting it, self centered and stupid is a more serious offense, but if he really can't remember his manners then that can be grounds for removal if it's serious enough.
You guys are so heartless and cruel! Why can't we all just get along?:weep:
well anyway after reading the manners bit, that's pretty bad. So you may want to send an email explaining the situation but ommitting anything that might set him off, go with: "Unfortunately, we do not feel that your methods of gaming reflect what we are looking for in our group and although you do play well, we feel that you should not continue to play in our group" and keep it non-direct and professional and as disarmingly polite as possible.
Karma
10-03-06, 04:44 PM Talk to the other players (preferably together) about your fungus player. If the consensus is that he leaves the group, then somebody (probably the DM) politely tells him to get bent and why. Do not let it become a discussion, it is a statement of fact.

Another option is to play at a venue that he is not welcome at.

Finally, you can kill him... or better yet, frame him for murder. You can't play D&D when you are dead or in jail.
Dwarvenforged
10-03-06, 09:08 PM Are you certain you are of the legal age to have joined these boards?

Unfortunately, yes I am.
Meltear
10-03-06, 11:32 PM Cheers for all this guys. I've never been involved in a game with any gamers who make me seriously consider throttling them. Our main quest is gonna be finished in 2 weeks time anyway, so I imagine he simply will not be told about the next game.
RetiredThief
10-03-06, 11:32 PM ...This turned into a IC and OOC joke that was repeated throughout the session, often with superb timing, generating much mirth.

But the one who doesn't get it just... does not get it.

I don't get it? ;)

You know, not everyone fits into every group. I, for one, read this thread wondering "is this about me?" Many people who join a new group feel the same kinds of feelings.

If it's just unworkable, well, there you go. But have you TRIED to work it? Maybe he needs a clue about his borish behavior. Not everyone was raised in an environment that encouraged manners. I'd have a hard time in a seriously role playing (vs roll playing) environment. I think I could adapt, but I know some who would need some genuine encouragement and time to practice.

It could turn out he has no interest in improving. Then again, joining your group could be a life changing experience for him. It's up to you to give him the chance or not.
trapspringer
10-03-06, 11:39 PM Sounds like none of you are particularly keen to talk to him about it. Which is cool, some people (including me) don't like the confrontation.

No, it isn't cool. Nothing is cool about that. Man up and deal with the problem directly.
Meltear
10-03-06, 11:54 PM We've been playing with the guy all year. We all joined the group at the same time as a DM advertised a game and we showed up, not knowing each other prior to then. I guess that I should have clarified that a bit.
pyropetey9
10-04-06, 05:00 AM i'm a fan of the responses of Cryo Silver, Karma and especially Trapspringer. if you have a problem with someone, be mature about it.

and even if you don't have a problem with someone, wedging him in a sack and beating him with shoes is still fun. (for the record, i've been on both sides of this one, and had a good laugh every time.)
danielinthewolvesden
10-04-06, 11:42 AM I'll give the same advice I always do- sit down and talk about it like adults.
Cifer
10-04-06, 01:31 PM Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved.

Seconded.

Also be prepared to explain your reasons (also politely).
Thirded.

So you may want to send an email explaining the situation but ommitting anything that might set him off, go with: "Unfortunately, we do not feel that your methods of gaming reflect what we are looking for in our group and although you do play well, we feel that you should not continue to play in our group" and keep it non-direct and professional and as disarmingly polite as possible.
I'd advise against this. Getting turned down by Email is... not a good thing.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Meltear 10-03-06, 12:13 AM	Ok, here's the rub. I'm currently playing in a D&D group I love. These people have grown to be really good friends and I do not want to leave the gaming group. However, we are all being irritated by one member of the group, who simply does not fit in. Details posted behind cut, copied from the 1001 worst players thread. (ARGH, I cannot do the expanding code box thing, will post at the end instead.) So, essentially I'm looking for a way to get rid of this player. Or just stories about how you got a player to leave the group. Stories are good. The One Who Can't Remember Their Manners This particular person has been a pain since the first session, but things really struck home when our normal venue was unavailable and so we were gaming at the Good Couples house. When we arrived, they were making tea, and to our suprise and delight it was for everybody! So we all get our food and eat. This dude was a pretty sloppy sort of an eater, for a start, and then at the end of the meal made a comment along the lines of "I didn't get much". I notice the couple sort of glance at each other, before one of them says that there was a litlte more left. So he served himself another bowl and continued eating noisily while we started gaming. And this has gone on. Asking the DM for rides to places ten minutes before he has to leave and 30 minutes before the game's set to end, but not in a "Could I please get a ride?" kinda way, but rather a "Oh man, my bus leaves in fifteen minutes, and I'll have to wait two hours before the next one. That'll suck." looks at dm Shudder. The One Who's Self-Centered And Stupid Mentioned in the first 100, I know, but it's good to get my frustration out. :) Thanks for listening. Thinks he's the most important character, despite being completely unable to do anything even approaching to either roleplaying or combat. Plays a bard yet wields an overlarge scythe, dresses in black robes and has a tiger. Also seems to think being a bard gives him rogue abilities. For example, last session he wanted to go off and do rogueish stuff so he handed his huge scythe to another character (who could barely hold it) and tried to walk off. When the other character's player stated "I drop it" the self-centered one went balistic about how much the scythe was worth, family heirloom etc. The Obscenely Unimaginative One We're currently playing with a rules-lite, story-heavy, coolness-reigns-supreme DM who loves to make things look and sound cool. We get bonuses if we describe how we do things rather than just stating "I attack the orc with my sword" and other such boringnessess. However this player fails to understand how to do this. It took about 5 tries and a lot of DM help/explanation to get "I drag my weapon across the ground, spraying sparks, before slicing upwards into the orc." Really makes me wonder why he plays D&D. The One Who Doesn't Get It My groups tend to be fairly mature. Don't get me wrong, we make fart jokes and mess about as much as the next group, but sex isn't some mysterious occurence that never happens in (or out of) the games. PC/PC, PC/NPC, NPC/NPC, it's all been seen or done, not graphically, but it's there. So consequently, dirty jokes will often occur, both in and out of character. And this guy doesn't get it. No matter how simple a joke is, he just won't get it if it's even might be related to sex somehow. Then he'll laugh, say "I don't get it!" and look around, as if expecting an explanation. Example: Big party was being held, the final night of the new year festivities, couples running out of the manor house it was held in, scuttling off into the bushes, getting intimate and running back. The monk of the party, being particularly naive to the way of the world, assumed that the couples were playing a popular chess-like game in the bushes. This turned into a IC and OOC joke that was repeated throughout the session, often with superb timing, generating much mirth. But the one who doesn't get it just... does not get it.
GaffeR 10-03-06, 12:25 AM	Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved.
DarkRhystar 10-03-06, 12:36 AM	Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved. Seconded. Also be prepared to explain your reasons (also politely).
CryoSilver 10-03-06, 12:45 AM	Hide behind a door and wait for the problem player to walk by. When he does, hit him with a folding chair and roll him down a hill. Problem solved. Or you could talk to him, I guess.
LordBOB777 10-03-06, 01:01 AM	this might be a little rude but just get pi**ed at him, It worked for me. Also how about you dont tell this player that your playing. Say that things keep coming up ( schedules clash/family's in town ect...) Maybe he will just leave you all alone for a while. Tell him you'll call him when everyone's schedule is aligned. When i got mad at our DM i kicked him out. It was my place so i had the right. Simply put, he had 3 minutes to leave before i called the police (it worked very well). Thats been almost a month ago and our group (with a new DM) seems pretty happy. You dont necessarly have to take my advice but I thought I would share my story.
Dwarvenforged 10-03-06, 01:36 AM	How to make a player to leave. My group tends to make people we don't like leave. It's probably not the most mature way, and it's probably not the best way, but it's got a proven track record. Never has somebody we didn't like stayed. I won't comment on your reasons for wanting to get rid of him since that's not what you asked. That being said, this is how my group gets rid of players we don't like. We would ridicule him for the things he does in (and out of character), routinely screw his character, ignore anything his character says, and basically make his time playing with us as uncomfortable and unenjoyable as possible. Most of my players are extremely sarcastic, mean spirited, and blunt to people we don't like. I repeat, I don't recommend that to everyone, but that's what works for us. Now, what do we do with someone we don't particulary like or dislike, but we would rather not play with for whatever reason? We send them an e-mail telling them that, "We're not going to be playing for awhile. We'll let you know if we start back." And we never invite them again. That may be a lie, but it's probably more mature than what I described above. Lesse...The only other option besides tricking him and being mean to him is asking him to leave politely, but I don't think my group has ever done that. It may work though! That really would be the most mature and polite way to handle it.
Kradlo 10-03-06, 11:49 AM	If you think that the fellow has a possibility to redeem himself, sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him in the most direct fashion possible how his inappropriate behavior is affecting the group. He's got two choices: shape up, or ship out. If he tries to deny it, or claim, "I didn't think it was a big deal," tell him that it is a big deal, and he's going to get the boot if he doesn't change his ways immediately. Tell him he's on probation, and one more incident will result in him being ejected from the group permanently. If you think he's unsalvageable, just boot him right away. You can be polite, but tell him that his behavior has negatively affected the group, and he's got to go. Perhaps he'll learn a lesson from this that will help him in his next group. Wish him well and say goodbye.
RobbyPants 10-03-06, 01:21 PM	Best advice I can give is to flat out tell him directly. Don't waste anyone's time with passive-aggressive behavior. Also, if you figure that it's best to have him fully leave, don't let him guilt you into giving him a 2nd chance. It might seem like the nice thing to do, but you'll probably end up with the worst of both worlds (he's still annoying, and you had to go through the awkwardness of confrontation).
mudbunny 10-03-06, 01:53 PM	First, I would talk to the person. Explain your problems. While the rest of your group seems fairly up-to-speed on the normal process of interacting with other people, this player may simply not have a clue. Seriously. We all know someone who has no real clue how to act around other people. Explain to him the problem(s). Explain to him the consequence(s). Do the above if there is the remote possibility that you may have to interact with this person sometime in the future. If you won't, or you are past the point of trying to rehab this person then call them, and thell them straight out "The rest of the group does not enjoy playing with you anymore, so we won't."
FeceMan 10-03-06, 02:45 PM	That being said, this is how my group gets rid of players we don't like. We would ridicule him for the things he does in (and out of character), routinely screw his character, ignore anything his character says, and basically make his time playing with us as uncomfortable and unenjoyable as possible. Most of my players are extremely sarcastic, mean spirited, and blunt to people we don't like. Are you certain you are of the legal age to have joined these boards?
DarkNick 10-03-06, 02:51 PM	Sounds like none of you are particularly keen to talk to him about it. Which is cool, some people (including me) don't like the confrontation. I agree with what some of the others said - make sure everyone is in agreement first. Designate someone to tell him (unfortunately this is often the DMs job). Don't do it on the night you play in front of everyone. Send him an email or give him a phone call. Tell him straight that the group does not want him playing anymore , say it is not working out and that he is not fitting in and leave it at that. If you find this too difficult then lie. Say your taking a break, then keep playing without him. The downside of this is that if they find out later everyone feels real bad so honesty is the best policy. I've done this once before. I was playing a game at work and two of us did not want to play with the other player anymore. I told them I was too busy to DM anymore and since no one else would DM the game folded. Me and the other player then recruited someone else and started again. Recently the guy we booted saw us walking up the stairs one lunchtime with all the gear so I am sure he figured it all out. Fortunately I don't really care much as he was never a friend. Even more fortunately he works in a different section so I don't see him much. I still feel a little bad about it though. I would not recommend trying to force him out by treating him bad. It is just a bad way of doing things. You would not be respecting him or yourselves and it is demeaning. You don't want to act like politicians.
Psionx 10-03-06, 03:01 PM	you can't really nail him on the unimaginative or not getting it, self centered and stupid is a more serious offense, but if he really can't remember his manners then that can be grounds for removal if it's serious enough. You guys are so heartless and cruel! Why can't we all just get along?:weep: well anyway after reading the manners bit, that's pretty bad. So you may want to send an email explaining the situation but ommitting anything that might set him off, go with: "Unfortunately, we do not feel that your methods of gaming reflect what we are looking for in our group and although you do play well, we feel that you should not continue to play in our group" and keep it non-direct and professional and as disarmingly polite as possible.
Karma 10-03-06, 04:44 PM	Talk to the other players (preferably together) about your fungus player. If the consensus is that he leaves the group, then somebody (probably the DM) politely tells him to get bent and why. Do not let it become a discussion, it is a statement of fact. Another option is to play at a venue that he is not welcome at. Finally, you can kill him... or better yet, frame him for murder. You can't play D&D when you are dead or in jail.
Dwarvenforged 10-03-06, 09:08 PM	Are you certain you are of the legal age to have joined these boards? Unfortunately, yes I am.
Meltear 10-03-06, 11:32 PM	Cheers for all this guys. I've never been involved in a game with any gamers who make me seriously consider throttling them. Our main quest is gonna be finished in 2 weeks time anyway, so I imagine he simply will not be told about the next game.
RetiredThief 10-03-06, 11:32 PM	...This turned into a IC and OOC joke that was repeated throughout the session, often with superb timing, generating much mirth. But the one who doesn't get it just... does not get it. I don't get it? ;) You know, not everyone fits into every group. I, for one, read this thread wondering "is this about me?" Many people who join a new group feel the same kinds of feelings. If it's just unworkable, well, there you go. But have you TRIED to work it? Maybe he needs a clue about his borish behavior. Not everyone was raised in an environment that encouraged manners. I'd have a hard time in a seriously role playing (vs roll playing) environment. I think I could adapt, but I know some who would need some genuine encouragement and time to practice. It could turn out he has no interest in improving. Then again, joining your group could be a life changing experience for him. It's up to you to give him the chance or not.
trapspringer 10-03-06, 11:39 PM	Sounds like none of you are particularly keen to talk to him about it. Which is cool, some people (including me) don't like the confrontation. No, it isn't cool. Nothing is cool about that. Man up and deal with the problem directly.
Meltear 10-03-06, 11:54 PM	We've been playing with the guy all year. We all joined the group at the same time as a DM advertised a game and we showed up, not knowing each other prior to then. I guess that I should have clarified that a bit.
pyropetey9 10-04-06, 05:00 AM	i'm a fan of the responses of Cryo Silver, Karma and especially Trapspringer. if you have a problem with someone, be mature about it. and even if you don't have a problem with someone, wedging him in a sack and beating him with shoes is still fun. (for the record, i've been on both sides of this one, and had a good laugh every time.)
danielinthewolvesden 10-04-06, 11:42 AM	I'll give the same advice I always do- sit down and talk about it like adults.
Cifer 10-04-06, 01:31 PM	Why not talk to your group (sans annoying player) and see what they think? If they all hate him, then get together and ask him to leave politely. Problem solved. Seconded. Also be prepared to explain your reasons (also politely). Thirded. So you may want to send an email explaining the situation but ommitting anything that might set him off, go with: "Unfortunately, we do not feel that your methods of gaming reflect what we are looking for in our group and although you do play well, we feel that you should not continue to play in our group" and keep it non-direct and professional and as disarmingly polite as possible. I'd advise against this. Getting turned down by Email is... not a good thing.