I think I care for her a little too much [Archive] - Wizards Community

I think I care for her a little too much [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
Iron Cobra
06-18-05, 10:51 PM There is this girl in my current group...and i think i'm starting to fall for her. She's shown interest as well, however, that isn't the real problem. I'd like to keep playing without having it affect my game, does anyone here have any advice? :weep:
Always-Late
06-18-05, 11:23 PM I advise you keep it out of the game. That's all.
PlutoniumKnight
06-18-05, 11:24 PM I would just keep it seperate, it's fine for you to like people and care for them but have your character be your character and you to be you. Have any feelings for each other kept out of character game unless your characters both have really good reasons for having them. Let your character be your character, not be you.
FrznFury
06-19-05, 12:59 AM PC to PC romance can be fun, methinks.

However, it depends upon the maturity level and play style of your group.
Kintaran
06-19-05, 01:30 AM Keeping it out of character is very, very important. Do not use the game as a way to express relationship problems. You need to a) keep the game as just that, a game, and b) use a healthier method of communication.

If the relationship is secure and the group is mature enough, and you both agree beforehand, then you can play around with things in-game. In my experience, the one-on-one RP sessions got rather interesting. But this is definitely something for more stable couples, otherwise it could get uncomfortable fast.

Just remember, at the game table, you both need to walk a fine line. You should not agree on an in-game decision just because you are together and do not want to cause a problem, and you should not disagree just because you are trying to be obvious about keeping real life and the game seperate.

Good luck.
hazel monday
06-19-05, 02:33 AM i think the best advice that i could give you is not to look for romantic advice on the dungeons and dragons message boards. ;) hang in there big guy. act like a gentleman and you'll be just fine.
alecthemad
06-19-05, 10:16 AM I will now make some predictions ala John Edwards:

It is doomed. You have read her intentions wrong. At some point you will get into a out of game fight which you will both viciously bring into the game causing all the other players to become very uncomfortable. You will break up, your in game fights as you break up will destroy the group. When you are not fighting your characters will act all lovey-dovey and make the other players more uncomfortable. You will want to leave the game to be will your girl even more. Dooooooooom, Dooooooooooom, beware the ides of march.

End John Edwards

I wish you good luck and good times with her. But I stand by my predictions of doom. I have seen and heard tales of such things too many times.
Eliza_Stormwhisper
06-19-05, 11:18 AM i think the best advice that i could give you is not to look for romantic advice on the dungeons and dragons message boards. ;) hang in there big guy. act like a gentleman and you'll be just fine.

I think that's the best bit of advice in the thread so far.
Iron Cobra
06-19-05, 11:29 AM For some reason, in addition, D&D is what really gets her going. Because it's largely creative and another form of expressing yourself, and she admires me for my intelligence and imagination. So...you can kind of see why it catalyzed our emotions in such a fashion.

So far the DM nor the other players have any idea what's transpiring :cool:
runestar
06-19-05, 11:31 AM I too advocate keeping it separate from your games. Dnd is too hack'n'slash orientated, what are you going to do? Cleave your way through an army of goblins and presenting their hearts to her character as a profession of your undying love? I doubt your actions in the game, and its implications, would translate well into real life.

That said, I too suggest looking else for better advice.
alecthemad
06-19-05, 11:34 AM Don't be so sure that the other players do not know what is going on with you two. People in the first stages of a relationship always think they are hiding it so well from everyone. The funny thing is that almost everyone senses what is going on anyway. Don't assume your friends are so oblivious, people are usually much more perceptive than they let on. It is only because they hold their tounges that you do not know their thoughts.
obrysii
06-19-05, 12:22 PM Treat her exactly how you treated her before, as far as the game goes.

Don't play favorites.
Iron Cobra
06-19-05, 03:26 PM Thanks for the advice in relation to the game you guys. Of course I went to my family to see how best to resolve the Amber and I situation (just seeing your responses in regards to the emotional aspect)
lightman
06-19-05, 04:11 PM I too advocate keeping it separate from your games. Dnd is too hack'n'slash orientated, what are you going to do? Cleave your way through an army of goblins and presenting their hearts to her character as a profession of your undying love? I doubt your actions in the game, and its implications, would translate well into real life.

That said, I too suggest looking else for better advice.
That is definalty sigged!
Norhg
06-19-05, 04:16 PM I think that's the best bit of advice in the thread so far.
Ditto, agreed.
Talinna
06-19-05, 04:28 PM I'm not sure I see where the problem is....

if you are falling for the person and not her character there is no problem unless you feel that you dating her would cause tention at the table (which then you need to evaluate the group you are with to begin with)

but if you do as said below you should be fine
(with as said below being the following:
1. keep game and reality seperate
2. find love advise else where
Steelgryphon
06-19-05, 05:21 PM I agreewoth the find love advice elsewere, im not introduceing my gf who free-form rps (how can they do that? you need rules to tell you when the bad guy is dead lol) to dnd, i dont want it runing our relation ship.

Now to quote another forum
"I think you should take medical advice from a doctor, not an internet based forum. Cause youll prolly die"

Now replace
Medical with Love.
Doctor with your instinct
and die with break up

But all the luck, and KEEP IT OUT OF GAME
The Half-Orc Wizard
06-19-05, 08:59 PM Well, first of all, best of luck to you and your lucky lady.

Second of all, consider running a seperate campaign with just your normal group. As those before have said, love and dnd arn't to be mixed. I know first hand. Recently, our group has let in a player's girlfriend, and it bothers half the other players. Really, the entire situation has all but ruined what was once a very enjoyable gaming group. We have had about a total of two sessions in 5 months, and neither were exceptionally good. What happens is that you are going to be put in a situation where you have to make a very difficult decision.

In the end, bringing a girlfriend to a session is comparable to playing a Paladin. Sure, you have all sorts of cool powers, and you feel pretty proud of yourself, but within a month you'll be back on these same forums posting something about how you're particular choice has caused a huge problem, and how you are to fix it.

If you absolutely have to, I suggest asking all of your fellow gamers on their opinion. And, don't be biased. If it's obvious that the situation makes them uncomfortable, even if they don't say it, I deeply suggest that you don't do it.

And I respect your courage, my dear sir, for even posting this thread. :tiphat:

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
Iron Cobra 06-18-05, 10:51 PM	There is this girl in my current group...and i think i'm starting to fall for her. She's shown interest as well, however, that isn't the real problem. I'd like to keep playing without having it affect my game, does anyone here have any advice? :weep:
Always-Late 06-18-05, 11:23 PM	I advise you keep it out of the game. That's all.
PlutoniumKnight 06-18-05, 11:24 PM	I would just keep it seperate, it's fine for you to like people and care for them but have your character be your character and you to be you. Have any feelings for each other kept out of character game unless your characters both have really good reasons for having them. Let your character be your character, not be you.
FrznFury 06-19-05, 12:59 AM	PC to PC romance can be fun, methinks. However, it depends upon the maturity level and play style of your group.
Kintaran 06-19-05, 01:30 AM	Keeping it out of character is very, very important. Do not use the game as a way to express relationship problems. You need to a) keep the game as just that, a game, and b) use a healthier method of communication. If the relationship is secure and the group is mature enough, and you both agree beforehand, then you can play around with things in-game. In my experience, the one-on-one RP sessions got rather interesting. But this is definitely something for more stable couples, otherwise it could get uncomfortable fast. Just remember, at the game table, you both need to walk a fine line. You should not agree on an in-game decision just because you are together and do not want to cause a problem, and you should not disagree just because you are trying to be obvious about keeping real life and the game seperate. Good luck.
hazel monday 06-19-05, 02:33 AM	i think the best advice that i could give you is not to look for romantic advice on the dungeons and dragons message boards. ;) hang in there big guy. act like a gentleman and you'll be just fine.
alecthemad 06-19-05, 10:16 AM	I will now make some predictions ala John Edwards: It is doomed. You have read her intentions wrong. At some point you will get into a out of game fight which you will both viciously bring into the game causing all the other players to become very uncomfortable. You will break up, your in game fights as you break up will destroy the group. When you are not fighting your characters will act all lovey-dovey and make the other players more uncomfortable. You will want to leave the game to be will your girl even more. Dooooooooom, Dooooooooooom, beware the ides of march. End John Edwards I wish you good luck and good times with her. But I stand by my predictions of doom. I have seen and heard tales of such things too many times.
Eliza_Stormwhisper 06-19-05, 11:18 AM	i think the best advice that i could give you is not to look for romantic advice on the dungeons and dragons message boards. ;) hang in there big guy. act like a gentleman and you'll be just fine. I think that's the best bit of advice in the thread so far.
Iron Cobra 06-19-05, 11:29 AM	For some reason, in addition, D&D is what really gets her going. Because it's largely creative and another form of expressing yourself, and she admires me for my intelligence and imagination. So...you can kind of see why it catalyzed our emotions in such a fashion. So far the DM nor the other players have any idea what's transpiring :cool:
runestar 06-19-05, 11:31 AM	I too advocate keeping it separate from your games. Dnd is too hack'n'slash orientated, what are you going to do? Cleave your way through an army of goblins and presenting their hearts to her character as a profession of your undying love? I doubt your actions in the game, and its implications, would translate well into real life. That said, I too suggest looking else for better advice.
alecthemad 06-19-05, 11:34 AM	Don't be so sure that the other players do not know what is going on with you two. People in the first stages of a relationship always think they are hiding it so well from everyone. The funny thing is that almost everyone senses what is going on anyway. Don't assume your friends are so oblivious, people are usually much more perceptive than they let on. It is only because they hold their tounges that you do not know their thoughts.
obrysii 06-19-05, 12:22 PM	Treat her exactly how you treated her before, as far as the game goes. Don't play favorites.
Iron Cobra 06-19-05, 03:26 PM	Thanks for the advice in relation to the game you guys. Of course I went to my family to see how best to resolve the Amber and I situation (just seeing your responses in regards to the emotional aspect)
lightman 06-19-05, 04:11 PM	I too advocate keeping it separate from your games. Dnd is too hack'n'slash orientated, what are you going to do? Cleave your way through an army of goblins and presenting their hearts to her character as a profession of your undying love? I doubt your actions in the game, and its implications, would translate well into real life. That said, I too suggest looking else for better advice. That is definalty sigged!
Norhg 06-19-05, 04:16 PM	I think that's the best bit of advice in the thread so far. Ditto, agreed.
Talinna 06-19-05, 04:28 PM	I'm not sure I see where the problem is.... if you are falling for the person and not her character there is no problem unless you feel that you dating her would cause tention at the table (which then you need to evaluate the group you are with to begin with) but if you do as said below you should be fine (with as said below being the following: 1. keep game and reality seperate 2. find love advise else where
Steelgryphon 06-19-05, 05:21 PM	I agreewoth the find love advice elsewere, im not introduceing my gf who free-form rps (how can they do that? you need rules to tell you when the bad guy is dead lol) to dnd, i dont want it runing our relation ship. Now to quote another forum "I think you should take medical advice from a doctor, not an internet based forum. Cause youll prolly die" Now replace Medical with Love. Doctor with your instinct and die with break up But all the luck, and KEEP IT OUT OF GAME
The Half-Orc Wizard 06-19-05, 08:59 PM	Well, first of all, best of luck to you and your lucky lady. Second of all, consider running a seperate campaign with just your normal group. As those before have said, love and dnd arn't to be mixed. I know first hand. Recently, our group has let in a player's girlfriend, and it bothers half the other players. Really, the entire situation has all but ruined what was once a very enjoyable gaming group. We have had about a total of two sessions in 5 months, and neither were exceptionally good. What happens is that you are going to be put in a situation where you have to make a very difficult decision. In the end, bringing a girlfriend to a session is comparable to playing a Paladin. Sure, you have all sorts of cool powers, and you feel pretty proud of yourself, but within a month you'll be back on these same forums posting something about how you're particular choice has caused a huge problem, and how you are to fix it. If you absolutely have to, I suggest asking all of your fellow gamers on their opinion. And, don't be biased. If it's obvious that the situation makes them uncomfortable, even if they don't say it, I deeply suggest that you don't do it. And I respect your courage, my dear sir, for even posting this thread. :tiphat: