i want my wife to play [Archive] - Wizards Community

i want my wife to play [Archive] - Wizards Community

Post/Author/DateTime Post
corcio
01-10-06, 03:35 PM ok second major question i have issues with
my wife doesnt really understand D&D
well im sure she understands it but shes not into it
shes not into the whole fantasy world type things
im wondering how would i go about bringing her into something that i consider a fun part of my life
has anyone dealt with something like this before?
Particle
01-10-06, 03:55 PM Explain to her what DnD is about. Briefly, dont bore her. If she gets interested just continue. If she isnt, just forget it. Bringing girls/Women that dont want to play to the gaming table can get realy disruptive and if she isnt interested in the first place, you'll propably just bore her.
q'afuu
01-10-06, 04:36 PM If it's the fantasy worlds part that bugs her, you can always try playing d20 Modern. Otherwise, I agree with Particle: people that understand what it is but don't really want to play, usually can't be brought round. I appreciate that it'd be nice for you if she could share your favourite pastime and enjoy it with you, but things don't always work out like we want them to.
The Phantom Flan Flinger
01-10-06, 04:44 PM If she isn't interested despite knowing exactly what the game entails, there isn't much you can do. I guess you could try to get her along to one gaming session to see whether it's different from what she thought it would be, but if it doesn't work, drop the idea. I've never played in a group with someone who doesn't want to be there but I can't imagine it'd be much fun.

If it's just the fantasy element that's a problem you could try different game worlds/settings, high or low magic, more or less roleplay, or whatever it is that she says she does or doesn't like. But honestly, don't push it on her. You wouldn't like that if the positions were reversed.

It would definitely not be a good move to ask your brand new group if you could bring her along. ;)
Airsucker
01-11-06, 01:04 AM This is what I would advise. Look at what movies she likes. Show a few at home or go out to a couple and see if she likes fantasy, action or anything like that. If she can't stand LotR or the Lion, Witch and Warderobe, then she's not going to enjoy D&D. If she likes things like the Matix, maybe D20 Modern is her thing. If she likes Underworld, Maybe give Shadowrun or White Wolf a shot. If she only likes chick flicks, give up. Being a gamer chick, I can say its nice to share a hobby, but she might just not be one of us, so don't be too dissapointed if she doesn't take to it.
erc1971
01-11-06, 08:16 AM Do not try to bring someone to a D&D game that is not into D&D!!!

I had a group destroyed by this a few year ago. One wife spent alot of time knitting instead of playing, another read romance novels. Both talked and gossiped up a storm - pulling the rest of the group into it and bringing the game to a halt.

The GM was insulted by thier lack of attention to his game after he spent all week preparing. Others were upset because they had some hardcore gaming friends they wanted to join but we had more room at the table.

In the end, everyone got mad at each other over this, and we all went our separate ways - every single person in that group ended up with at least 2 or 3 people they no longer speak to anymore.

Bad, bad bad. Stick with people who enjoy D&D and desire to play instead of dragging the non-playing wife along - you will be much happier in the long run.
Kyuketsukiouji
01-11-06, 11:18 AM A very short solo adventure might be the best way to go.

I'd recommend something based on a cleric character, since the cleric is a good all-around class, that allows for diplomacy, magic and combat all in one package. A pregenerated level two or three character is probably a good idea for an introductory campaign, though make sure you don't define the character's personality or appearance and ask your wife to tell you what those are at first. Make sure she knows that this is an introduction, and that normally, she'd be able to create the whole character herself.

The adventure itself should:

1- Be short, completable in 1 - 1 1/2 hours, tops.
2- Include at least 3-4 roleplay situations (shopkeeper, superiors in the church, townsfolk), including one challenge (get information from someone reluctant, convince someone to let you somewhere).
3- Include one moral dilemma/alignment issue of some kind.
4- Include 4-5 battles max, including one that's very, very easy (one injured skeleton vs the cleric), and one that's hard, but only if tactics aren't used (for instance, using a narrow corridor to force enemies to come one-by-one).
5- Include at least one puzzle/riddle.
6- Include at least 2-3 skill uses (jump, climb, swim, knowledge, ...)
7- Include at least one reference to the character's religion or background.
8- Include at least one NPC hireling who is -clearly- the player's inferior.

The adventure should not:

1- Involve advanced combat tactics (bull rush, trip, grapple, ...), unless your wife brings them up first.
2- Involve any no-win moral/alignment issues (kill the baby or the villain kills the grandmother).
3- Involve complicated spell stacking.
4- Be majoritarily combat-related.
5- Be so hard that your wife can't complete it with the given resources. It's okay to make the adventure under-CRd, but don't go overboard.

And of course, the advice everyone else game you stands: If you've given it a try, and it doesn't work, don't press the issue.
imperialjunkie
01-11-06, 12:04 PM This is what I would advise. Look at what movies she likes. Show a few at home or go out to a couple and see if she likes fantasy, action or anything like that. If she can't stand LotR or the Lion, Witch and Warderobe, then she's not going to enjoy D&D. If she likes things like the Matix, maybe D20 Modern is her thing. If she likes Underworld, Maybe give Shadowrun or White Wolf a shot. If she only likes chick flicks, give up. Being a gamer chick, I can say its nice to share a hobby, but she might just not be one of us, so don't be too dissapointed if she doesn't take to it.
Excellent advice. Movie taste can be a great indicator. My wife hates violent movies and will pretty much only watch chick flicks. She wouldn't watch LoTR with me even after a lot of attempted coercing. There is no way on God's green earth that she would play D&D, so I have never and will never try to get her involved. She's fine with me playing and I'm fine with her not. You don't have to always share hobbies with your significant other. Granted it can help, but it's not necessary to have a healthy relationship.
lesliweird
01-11-06, 12:19 PM [QUOTE=has anyone dealt with something like this before?[/QUOTE]

Boy howdy have we. It's a perrenial favorite on these boards. I think the solo campaign is a good idea, as is her movie preference.

Coming into a D&D game can be intimidating for a first time player if everybody else knows the rules and they don't. Especially if your other players can be snarky about it. It's hard to be the odd man out, and sometimes moreso if you're the only girl. If you manage to bring her in, encourage everyone to be patient and helpful, and realize that teaching her is going to slow down the game everyone came to play. Encourage other characters to interact with hers if you can.

For the love of god, don't let her cheat! This was our biggest mistake, and it's really sucked a lot of the joy out of our group.

Aside from that if she says no, don't force her. You'll be doing both of you a favor, and it may even pay off in not having to watch chick flics with her :yuck:. A little time apart and separate interests are healthy things.
sombrus
01-11-06, 12:20 PM I enjoy playing chess much more than I enjoy watching it.

What I advise is having a good player, or a good gamer you know, sit down with you after you have taught her the game and actually play with her.

D&D can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Find her niche. Let her explore the different aspects of the game.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
corcio 01-10-06, 03:35 PM	ok second major question i have issues with my wife doesnt really understand D&D well im sure she understands it but shes not into it shes not into the whole fantasy world type things im wondering how would i go about bringing her into something that i consider a fun part of my life has anyone dealt with something like this before?
Particle 01-10-06, 03:55 PM	Explain to her what DnD is about. Briefly, dont bore her. If she gets interested just continue. If she isnt, just forget it. Bringing girls/Women that dont want to play to the gaming table can get realy disruptive and if she isnt interested in the first place, you'll propably just bore her.
q'afuu 01-10-06, 04:36 PM	If it's the fantasy worlds part that bugs her, you can always try playing d20 Modern. Otherwise, I agree with Particle: people that understand what it is but don't really want to play, usually can't be brought round. I appreciate that it'd be nice for you if she could share your favourite pastime and enjoy it with you, but things don't always work out like we want them to.
The Phantom Flan Flinger 01-10-06, 04:44 PM	If she isn't interested despite knowing exactly what the game entails, there isn't much you can do. I guess you could try to get her along to one gaming session to see whether it's different from what she thought it would be, but if it doesn't work, drop the idea. I've never played in a group with someone who doesn't want to be there but I can't imagine it'd be much fun. If it's just the fantasy element that's a problem you could try different game worlds/settings, high or low magic, more or less roleplay, or whatever it is that she says she does or doesn't like. But honestly, don't push it on her. You wouldn't like that if the positions were reversed. It would definitely not be a good move to ask your brand new group if you could bring her along. ;)
Airsucker 01-11-06, 01:04 AM	This is what I would advise. Look at what movies she likes. Show a few at home or go out to a couple and see if she likes fantasy, action or anything like that. If she can't stand LotR or the Lion, Witch and Warderobe, then she's not going to enjoy D&D. If she likes things like the Matix, maybe D20 Modern is her thing. If she likes Underworld, Maybe give Shadowrun or White Wolf a shot. If she only likes chick flicks, give up. Being a gamer chick, I can say its nice to share a hobby, but she might just not be one of us, so don't be too dissapointed if she doesn't take to it.
erc1971 01-11-06, 08:16 AM	Do not try to bring someone to a D&D game that is not into D&D!!! I had a group destroyed by this a few year ago. One wife spent alot of time knitting instead of playing, another read romance novels. Both talked and gossiped up a storm - pulling the rest of the group into it and bringing the game to a halt. The GM was insulted by thier lack of attention to his game after he spent all week preparing. Others were upset because they had some hardcore gaming friends they wanted to join but we had more room at the table. In the end, everyone got mad at each other over this, and we all went our separate ways - every single person in that group ended up with at least 2 or 3 people they no longer speak to anymore. Bad, bad bad. Stick with people who enjoy D&D and desire to play instead of dragging the non-playing wife along - you will be much happier in the long run.
Kyuketsukiouji 01-11-06, 11:18 AM	A very short solo adventure might be the best way to go. I'd recommend something based on a cleric character, since the cleric is a good all-around class, that allows for diplomacy, magic and combat all in one package. A pregenerated level two or three character is probably a good idea for an introductory campaign, though make sure you don't define the character's personality or appearance and ask your wife to tell you what those are at first. Make sure she knows that this is an introduction, and that normally, she'd be able to create the whole character herself. The adventure itself should: 1- Be short, completable in 1 - 1 1/2 hours, tops. 2- Include at least 3-4 roleplay situations (shopkeeper, superiors in the church, townsfolk), including one challenge (get information from someone reluctant, convince someone to let you somewhere). 3- Include one moral dilemma/alignment issue of some kind. 4- Include 4-5 battles max, including one that's very, very easy (one injured skeleton vs the cleric), and one that's hard, but only if tactics aren't used (for instance, using a narrow corridor to force enemies to come one-by-one). 5- Include at least one puzzle/riddle. 6- Include at least 2-3 skill uses (jump, climb, swim, knowledge, ...) 7- Include at least one reference to the character's religion or background. 8- Include at least one NPC hireling who is -clearly- the player's inferior. The adventure should not: 1- Involve advanced combat tactics (bull rush, trip, grapple, ...), unless your wife brings them up first. 2- Involve any no-win moral/alignment issues (kill the baby or the villain kills the grandmother). 3- Involve complicated spell stacking. 4- Be majoritarily combat-related. 5- Be so hard that your wife can't complete it with the given resources. It's okay to make the adventure under-CRd, but don't go overboard. And of course, the advice everyone else game you stands: If you've given it a try, and it doesn't work, don't press the issue.
imperialjunkie 01-11-06, 12:04 PM	This is what I would advise. Look at what movies she likes. Show a few at home or go out to a couple and see if she likes fantasy, action or anything like that. If she can't stand LotR or the Lion, Witch and Warderobe, then she's not going to enjoy D&D. If she likes things like the Matix, maybe D20 Modern is her thing. If she likes Underworld, Maybe give Shadowrun or White Wolf a shot. If she only likes chick flicks, give up. Being a gamer chick, I can say its nice to share a hobby, but she might just not be one of us, so don't be too dissapointed if she doesn't take to it. Excellent advice. Movie taste can be a great indicator. My wife hates violent movies and will pretty much only watch chick flicks. She wouldn't watch LoTR with me even after a lot of attempted coercing. There is no way on God's green earth that she would play D&D, so I have never and will never try to get her involved. She's fine with me playing and I'm fine with her not. You don't have to always share hobbies with your significant other. Granted it can help, but it's not necessary to have a healthy relationship.
lesliweird 01-11-06, 12:19 PM	[QUOTE=has anyone dealt with something like this before?[/QUOTE] Boy howdy have we. It's a perrenial favorite on these boards. I think the solo campaign is a good idea, as is her movie preference. Coming into a D&D game can be intimidating for a first time player if everybody else knows the rules and they don't. Especially if your other players can be snarky about it. It's hard to be the odd man out, and sometimes moreso if you're the only girl. If you manage to bring her in, encourage everyone to be patient and helpful, and realize that teaching her is going to slow down the game everyone came to play. Encourage other characters to interact with hers if you can. For the love of god, don't let her cheat! This was our biggest mistake, and it's really sucked a lot of the joy out of our group. Aside from that if she says no, don't force her. You'll be doing both of you a favor, and it may even pay off in not having to watch chick flics with her :yuck:. A little time apart and separate interests are healthy things.
sombrus 01-11-06, 12:20 PM	I enjoy playing chess much more than I enjoy watching it. What I advise is having a good player, or a good gamer you know, sit down with you after you have taught her the game and actually play with her. D&D can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Find her niche. Let her explore the different aspects of the game.