Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 Pablo_Fuego Apr 08, 2015 5:59:06	Dear forum,   I'm gonna play a roleplaying game with a couple of friends in the future. But there's a bit of a problem with one of the players. She has issues explaining what her character wants to do and roleplaying. I mean that she has trouble saying what to her character does when it's her turn.   A quote from one of the other players: "She could not even roleplay how her character smacked a bottle on someone's head. She just froze up, we had to actually play it out. Even when doing so, it took about 10 minutes."   I know she does want to play so here's the question. Do you guys have any ideas or experience with this stuff?   Thanks in advance
#2 iserith Apr 08, 2015 6:16:29	Does this player have some physical, mental, or emotional challenges that you're aware of?   Sometimes players can feel social pressues to always make the "right" move or say the "right" thing in the game. They've perhaps offered up ideas in the past only to have them repeatedly shot down by other players. Or maybe made a decision that came back to bite them in the butt in a way the other players don't let him or her forget. At some point, I've seen players just start to clam up and become followers as a result. It's hard to say whether that's what is going on with the player you're referencing, but it wouldn't surprise me. Gamers lacking good social skills for whatever reason isn't a new thing.   If possible, meet with the player before the game and talk to her about these concerns and ask how you can help to make it easier for her to contribute during play.
#3 alienux Apr 08, 2015 6:29:14	With the roleplaying aspect, if she's uncomfortable acting out her actions, she can always just say what she wants her character to do; not everyone likes to play it out in character, which is perfectly fine.   As far as the issue about her just not declaring what her actions are, it sounds like what iserith said may be the issue. She might just be afraid that she'll make the "wrong" choice. Explain to her that there are optimal choices and sub-optimal choices, but that even poor choices can lead to exciting moments. Talk to the other players and make sure they're willing to keep from belittling her for making choices that maybe they don't see as the best option.
#4 bawylie Apr 08, 2015 7:08:59	I have players who have some difficulty with interpersonal communications.     Mostly, all you'll need from them is their decision - what they want to do & how they want to do it. Asking for more than that can get tricky. And I personally feel it's up to me to fill in the rest.    In your case, it sounds like she wanted to smack a guy in the head with a bottle. That's plenty good enough. You take that and make it metal.    You might refer her to Players 101 in my sig. So she'll have a better understanding of what she needs to do on her turn. Which is basically say something she wants to do.
#5 mbeacom Apr 08, 2015 7:36:55	Bawylie gives good advice. I would simply add that in some cases, if you're wanting to take it slow, you can often get someone to participate better by asking them somewhat leading questions. In the case with the bottle, I might have said something like "There this bottle there with a shape that matches a large dent on the guys head, any interest in matching them up?"  You'll generally either get an enthusiastic agreement (meaning they really want to do something like that but just can't put it together themselves) or you'll get more silence or a questioning look (like "is that ok?") in which case you can reaffirm it's fine. If you get the enthusiastic nodding or the look in the eyes that they like it, you can then narrate just like she gave you the idea yourself "So, you snatch up the bottle and give it a hefty swing at the persons skull" then transition to another question or two like "are you trying to shatter it or just bonk them with it?" The first question was yes or no. This one has transitioned to "either or" which is slightly more advanced. If she picks shatter, describe it breaking into a million pieces and then kick it to another player "You see her grab this bottle and smash it over someones head, how will you react to this!?"  Now, you've gotten her in the action (assuming she wants to be) and other players are reacting (they're playing with her!). Now let the other players run with this scenario that she has "created" through you and give her a break and just let what she started be enjoyed by everyone. Not knowing more about your player that's a technique I frequently use (start with a leading yes or no, then transtion to either or and ultimately to more options and their own ideas) with very shy people or people who fear making the wrong decision. Good luck!
#6 Orethalion Apr 08, 2015 7:53:12	Pablo_Fuego wrote:
#7 bawylie Apr 08, 2015 8:12:48	Orethalion makes a good point. If she offers something, reinforce that. Keep reinforcing behaviors you want more of. It doesn't mean pandering, but creating an emotionally positive response to taking action & mitigating the stress of feeling like you're playing wrong.
#8 Tempest_Stormwind Apr 08, 2015 11:44:20	When I started playing years ago, I was that player. Silent, panicked if pressed, constantly anxious and nervously-second-guessing everything when put on the spot. I had poor social skills to begin with, combined with an extremely neurotic personality type and anxiety attacks that kicked in when dealing with people I didn't know. I understood numbers, and hid behind those while trying to learn how to properly perform on the social aspect of the game. Note that not all of this is something you can easily "grow out of" - it takes quite a lot of therapy and occasionally psychoactive medications to properly treat anxiety disorders like mine.   At the time, I was actually kicked out of a group because I wasn't roleplaying enough (and therefore must be a filthy min/maxer, even though I really wasn't). You can imagine that this is exactly not the right attitude to take, especially if the player is new.   I'm having the benefit of hindsight now, but Bawylie's advice in particular would have been helpful back then. I can't speak for your player, but in my case, the social aspect of the game was overwhelming because I worked better when selecting between different, well-defined, concrete options (just like many mathematically-minded kids - if it can be quantified, it can be understood. Creative improv is unquantifiable). Presenting possible options (note to purists: Always append "...or do you do something else?" to this list; you're not railroading, you're limiting the space through which you search for possible actions) would have worked well in my case.   Another suggestion that I'd like to reinforce is to be accepting of the descriptive approach to roleplaying. (I am so glad that this is in the PHB for this edition). That's where you don't scream out everything in character, but rather you might say "I do X" or "I say such-and-such to him", leaving the specific details up to the imagination. Not only did this help ease my earlier anxieties (because I was speaking as me, instead of speaking as someone else), but it also prevented my perfectionism from getting in the way (if I didn't pick exactly the right word or intone it with exactly the right accent or inflection, I'd freeze up, stumble, or try again; if I'm doing it descriptively this is completely bypassed). Nowadays I favor the active approach, but I definitely would not favor it if I hadn't started using the descriptive approach. Just make sure everyone at the table is okay with this player doing it.
(Reply to #4) sirkaikillah11	bawylie wrote:
(Reply to #8) sirkaikillah11	Tempest_Stormwind wrote:
#11 Synjin Apr 08, 2015 14:44:46	My 14 year old son is this type of player. Which is funny because in most all other out-of-game situations, he's running off at the mouth about what he'd do in movies, zombie apocalypses, as a super-hero, etc., but when it comes to the game when I say "Wizard, your turn. What do you do?" he blanks.   I told him, playing D&D he gets the chance to be that super-hero. That there is no right/wrong answer. I asked if I was narrating the story with enough detail for him to formulate actions, and he said yes, that he could see the scenes happening in his head and mind's eye just fine, as well as options that he wanted to do, but that he didn't want to make the wrong decision and get him or the party killed.   He's a little socially awkward, but not overly-so. He'll come around, and I can already see changes in his gaming from when we started.
#12 DemoMonkey Apr 08, 2015 14:56:03	One possible approach:   Have the player make TWO characters. One they really like and identify with, and a second one that's very simple.   Tell them right up front "Ok, you're going to start off playing Character #2. If they die, THAT'S OK. They are your training character. nothing you do with them is wrong. Just try stuff and see what happens. When they die or you are bored, we'll bring in your real character."   That sort of safety net can encourage experimentation, and keeping the character as simple as possible will cut down on option paralysis.
#13 BRJN Apr 08, 2015 15:12:08	I have the opposite problem: I want to take over everybody else's character and play it for them !   As a fellow player, be encouraging and patient.  When the new person's turn is about to come up (when the previous guy in Initiative starts), nudge them quietly and tell them to figure out what they want to do.  If they do freeze up, don't barge in; let the DM lead them a little.  Offer to listen if they have an idea they can't make themselves share in public, then thumbs-up it and tell them to give it a go.  I've gotten good results by acting as a 'reinforcing second' to a shy player, telling the group that I liked their idea and want to use that as The Plan. I've also had to physically sit between a shy player and another dominating personality, to give both physical space as well as psychological space.
#14 mbeacom Apr 08, 2015 16:03:26	DemoMonkey wrote:
#15 sirkaikillah11 Apr 08, 2015 23:28:07	BRJN wrote:
#16 Imaculata Apr 09, 2015 4:23:19	Another problem that I run into occasionally, is that some players are silent, while others are very loud and tend to take initiative. It can happen that some players are so bossy, that those silent players don't get a word in. The best thing to do in this case, is for the DM to simply intervene, and allow for those silent players to speak up.
#17 Orethalion Apr 09, 2015 6:45:55	Imaculata wrote:
#18 bawylie Apr 09, 2015 8:03:15	DM intervention is fine, but late. When you frame a situation, aim it at the people to whom it's relevant. It's their turn.    I have a bossy player who attempts to play others' characters. I remind him to play his own. He's getting much better. I have eager players who want to drive the action in every scene. I remind them I'm asking what another character is doing. They're also getting better.    Be proactive about who you're soliciting input from.
(Reply to #18) sirkaikillah11	bawylie wrote:
#20 Tempest_Stormwind Apr 09, 2015 10:42:26	sirkaikillah11 wrote:
(Reply to #20) sirkaikillah11	Tempest_Stormwind wrote:
#22 BRJN Apr 10, 2015 19:17:13	sirkaikillah11 wrote:
#23 BRJN Apr 10, 2015 19:21:15	sirkaikillah11 wrote:
(Reply to #22) sirkaikillah11	BRJN wrote: