1.Harrow, a 6th level karnathi soulknife that was exploring Xendrix said "The Inspired can dere-lick my balls."
I swear to The Powers That Be. We were playing D&D late at night and discussing Zoolander, which I had recently seen, and he said that (one of the party's main enemies is an Inspired).
"3.5 is adequate" basically says it all to me.
and now...
2. My players decide that its a great idea to hide the final component to a world-ending ritual in a hole in the woods, rather than enter the dungeon and battle the antagonist. The moral: Don't go out of your way to **** off a dungeon full of bad guys that you could have fought room by room.
That character (and player) where not around much longer after that...
9) Barfight + Fireplace + Dwarven Vodka = Big boom and 3 of the party at -9 hp.
10. One of the players who had never read the books, thought that Tom Bombadill was Saruman, and attacked him.
Needless to say it didnt work out to well.
1st, I like your sig.
"3.5 is adequate" basically says it all to me.
Thank you.
and now...
2. My players decide that its a great idea to hide the final component to a world-ending ritual in a hole in the woods, rather than enter the dungeon and battle the antagonist. The moral: Don't go out of your way to **** off a dungeon full of bad guys that you could have fought room by room.
Have any of your players moved to the Bay Area recently? And if so, could I get their numbers?
Player: I put my head into the mouth and try to see if is a passage to the other side of the wall....
DM: your headless body falls on the ground....
(It's at the beginning of Tomb of Horror..., where the Sphere of Annihilation is found)
I was thinking pretty quickly and came to the brilliant decision that we would let the demon lord kill the lich we knew owned the keep and who was our ultimate target. I could not remember the liches name, but I knew that the Knight who was accompanying our group, Sir Reynolds, did.
I spoke loudly and confidently to the demon, proclaiming "The name of the man I want you to kill is..." and, turning to the knight with the intention of asking the liches name, whispered "Sir Reynolds...."
The demon, who had excellent hearing, shouted triumphantly, "SIR REYNOLDS IT IS!!!!".
Oops. Brilliant plan, horrible follow through.
12.) I was DMing a homebrew adventure where the PCs had to help rescue people from a part of a city that a fire had just burned down.To introduce a new player character (a bard), I had them rescue him. I describe an elf hobbling out of the ruin with a lute on his back. One of the players, a Bugbear Barbarian, says: "Oh, he's got loot on his back? I shoot him!" One +1 Composite (+5 str) Longbow shot later, the bard is at -7.
HA.. This SO resembles a game I was in. We had just cleared a dungeon level, and we had gathered all of the treasure in the middle of the room and began to divvy it up. One of the items was a described as "A Magical Lute". Almost all of us players correctly reckoned it as a +1 magical instrument. Perhaps a Tier 2. Almost all.
As we were divvying up, everyone passed on the lute, everyone except..
Player 1 - I'll take the magical loot.
DM- Fine. You get the lute.
Player 1 - What is it.
DM- Magical Lute, +1
Player- What kind of loot?
DM- A magic one. +1
Player- I know it's magical. What KIND of loot?
DM- Just a normal lute. Except it grants a +1 bonus.
We are all laughing, except for the numbnut. He doesn't yet understand.
Player- Is it a weapon? some armor? cloak? What?
DM - A lute. L-U-T-E
Player-What? I don't want this! I thought you were givin me some loot! This isn't fair. Let's divvy up the treasure again!
I think it's still in the room, deep in a cavern somewhere.
I wish my players were this dumb.Bloodied Dwarf fighter decides to burst open a door and attack whatever's inside while the rest of the party is outside fighting off many enemies. Dwarf fighter is dead in a round and his allies are forced to make a hasty retreat.
They decide to snap a magic wand in half to see what would happen.
They drink a potion designed to be mixed into the rivers of the kingdom to enchant the entire land. (Edit: They were fully aware of this fact)
They use an amulet of the planes to go off randomly wandering the planes to search for the perfect engagement ring so that the party rogue can propose to his girlfriend. While they're in the midst of fighting a war to save the kingdom.
-I ask are you shure you wan't to do this?
-Yes he says.
-Really?
-Yes I have 18 strenght I can make it.
-Okay, you run as fast as you can and plunge to your death. Roll a new character.
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Druid character is loaded with magical items but almost never uses them for fear of expending the last charge of the items. Only 2 PCs (including himself - the fighter is down to 2 hps) out of 6 players are left standing in a battle against mummies. All the players know he has a Rod that kills undead creatures almost on the spot. Someone screams use the F**** rod!
He replies : No I'm keeping it for life and death situations...
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We are a french speaking group of players. A long time ago D&D books were not available in french. Our english as gotten better over the years but we actually had a ranger character going around for a full year with an Ox as pet thinking it was a Hawk....
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An evil witch has just casted a Cloud Kill spell in the middle of the town square. I fully describe how everyone who is in the cloud dies a horrible death. Even a powerfull NPC knowned to the players dies. The Paladin players tells me: I run to the rescue of the dying people pulling as many as I can from the cloud. How many do I save?
OK, During a High Powered Adventure of my Hay day I was Dming (my first time doing so so I wasn't doing very well necessarily)
I decide that for a twist I wanted a Baby Dragon to Harrass my PC's who were traveling a few feet from a forest while still in the DESERT that streched for miles. So I extremely over estimated how effective my Pc's would be against said Dragon so I add libed.
Two more Baby Dragon's come from a nest nearby to aid there brother.. unfortunately the brother still died
SAD DM!Well PC's were still kicking ASS so Finally Mother Dragon Comes to the Rescue
FINALLY PC's decide to run (which is what I wanted in the first place, pc's are having fun kicking dragon asses though so no harm done)Well, Most PC's decide to run toward the Forrest and hide among the trees
But one PC decides to run to the Desert, where there's no cover, and miles and miles of sand in BRIGHT daylight...
My character (being the wise ranger) said not to open both sets of doors (as one was sealed shut). Of course, 3/5ths of the party opened the door to the crypt and the paladin opened the door to the BBEG, opening 2 encounters at one time. Not quite a TPK, but we lost our mage (who was surrounded by the undead), almost lost our bard, rogue and fighter. I was down to just above "bloodied", and the paladin was fine.
A big WHOOPS!
27} The party was fighting a T-Rex in the guard chamber in the Yuan-ti Pyramid. There was a Cleric, a Barbarian, a wizard and a rogue. The rogue had just been swallowed whole by the T-Rex. The orc Barbarian was in the T-Rex's mouth. The wizard cast fireball at its head. The Cleric just managed to heal the orc Barbarian back from -8 hitpoints.
28} They were running from the T-Rex for iron double doors on the other side of the room. The orc Barbarian had 23 Strength, 19 Constitution and Intelligence 6. So far in the adventure he had ran through a house, threw a Yuan-ti threw a stone wall, and ripped a goblin in half. He ran threw every door in the Pyramid so far. None of them were wooden. The rogue had always rolled atleast once to check for traps, though. THe rogue was in the T-Rex's stomach, probably at -24 hit points by now. The Barbarian rushed towards the door headfirst. It was electrified. A quarter of his MANY hitpoints were gone. Then he rammed it two more times. He really wanted to get away from the T-Rex. But by the end of ramming the door down his was at six hitpoints. The player repeatadly going "dzapzizam" every minute or two,
vibrating.
29} So after the orc Barbarian charged the ELECTRIFIED door down, he ended up in a room with a Lizardfolk Druid. The orc Barbarian tried to run back out to get his two friends help, but said he jumped, so he slammed his head in the doorway, so it caved in. He was stuck it the room.
On the other side of the cave in, the wizard and cleric had an idea-shoot a fireball at the rocks to make them explode. But they didn't want to go backwards-that would put them near the T-Rex. So they almost killed themselves while blowing away at the rocks.
Meanwhile, the Lizardfolk Druid knocked the Barbarian over, entangled him and cast a posion cloud around him. When the two other entered the room, he was at five hitpoints. The Cleric and the Wizard were arguing over what they should do while the orc was dying. Then the wizard said "I toss my dagger at him" and he rolled a three. The dagger became embedded in the orc's back. He began to die much faster. Then the Cleric healed his wound from the knife, and the Cleric and wizard left him there to go fight the Lizardfolk. The orc died.
31} Launching a bezerker enraged kilted Scottsman, in a catapult, with a Lance. At a Black Dragon. It worked, actually. Funny.........but Stupid.
32} The parties Eleven Bladesinger, uttering the words " I'm Goin to touch it". In reference to a magic orb, used by druids to "fertilize" ACRE'S of land at a time.
Dwarf, "I jump out of the window"
and i kid you not the man rolls 3 1's in a row. Best player death ever.
34} I give the players a genie in a bottle. Genie comes out and says , "For freeing me I'll give you one wish."
The paranoid rule lawyer, "Ok guys whatever you do don't say 'I wish for whatever' cause the genie will take it literally."
My smart player sighs and looks at me and asks, "So what do we get?"
Me, "The best damn ham sammich ever."
36. My group's cleric was trying to attack a ninja. "Ha! She can't hurt me; I have an über-high AC!"
He suddeny found two kunai in his face.
37. Elf ranger: "You saw those goblin children attack me!"
Halfling rogue: "They were hugging your legs."
Elf ranger: "Grappling me, I say! I had to sickle them!"
38. During a misunderstanding in which I, thr ogue, stole some golds, a dragonborn poisonbreath'd me. I replied with "Oh, dear gods! There is a thing called ORAL HYGIENE!" We nearly died laughing.
39. We used that same dragonborn as a battering ram once.
40. The wizard fired magic missiles up kobolds' noses repeatedly.
His first attempt was allowed to be redone by the DM, he tried on a zombie the first time. The second he tried it on was a skeleton.
42. This very same group of ppl, we ran into 5 skeletons and a ghoul. Me being the only semi tank type class in the group ran and engaged the Ghoul since it was by far the strongest target.
Unlucky for me i got paralyzed that same round and rather than any of my party coming to my aid, they let the paralyzed and prone monk get beat on by 2 skeletons and a ghoul while they attacked the rest.
and of course there are the hundreds of different times one of my friends will just randomly run off alone to fight something.
In a game about two years ago my party and I finished defeating a Red Dragon...
We looted the Lair for Treasure and ect, ect, I was playing a 17th level Wizard at the time I used up most of my spells in the fight with dragon the only thing I had left was Identify, and I had casted Contingency earlier in the day linked to Teleport...so I was spent..
I Identified all the magic Items and we got a ring of three wishes with one last wish on it, after we divided up the spoils...the paladin in the party got the ring of three wishes, he said " I wish we could do that again"
Unlucky for him they charged and Tooked him out before he could get in range. Poor Basterd.
46) Same group of players. Level 1 Wizard trys to Cast Sleep in the room full of monsters. surprizeling He effects the monsters allready ASLEEP. And charges in .... Poor Basterd.
47) Our Fighter is in the front Line in a large Battle. When suddenly The Dragon Leader pop up. The Cleric is busy trying to heal eveyone. The Rouge Psionic, and the Monk, And gets blasted knocking him down, The Fighter and Wizard the only 2 Remaining reletively Unhurt people Are the only people left.
The Wizard Declares hes running away.
Fighter stays and grabs gear from fallen Allies (Some Healing from Cleric and such) The Dragon targets the Wizard first. Considering hes flying in the air and the battle field below is Full of dead or dieing Corpses.
The Wizard gets his Teleport to be casted at last leaveing the fighter alone but not before stateing that The Fighter was the crappest player for playing a fighter and could not win at all. Surprizeling the wizard teleports into a group of Baddies at the town that we where defending ...
And the Fighter WAS Able to take on the Dragon! needless to say the Wizard player stormed outside to smoke a cig.
48) MindBlade and party is attacking a Group of Oozes. And With his Mind Blade is just makeing MORE and MORE Oozes. The Monk ran into one Ooze and started attacking during better then people thought. The Fighter Started useing Random Clubs and such to attack the many oozes considering He didnt want to loose His Main Weapon.
Eveyone eles kinda got Raped or was running around in circles screeming HELP! And trying to heal each other.
The Wizard incuded has each time he tryed to stop to cast a spell he got gangraped by the oozes. needless to say he only tryed that once. as the mind blade keept makeing things Worse! by makeing the large number of oozes split into more Memebers then moveing onto the next. Thus adding more Rapeage!
49) 4E Wizard Trys to cast an AoE Spell Sleep. hits (Barly) but target makes it save. Trys to use AoE Spells and miss's most of the monsters BUT Hits like 3 of his team mates.
Reguardless the rest of the group afterwords decided to kill the wizard and take his stuff ... poor Basterd.
50) GrayGuard in the group Walks boldly up to an Undead Vampire and use's his touch attack and Beats the snot out of it. While the rest of the group runs away and springs all the traps they had Detected earlyer before and where just talking about Not to Spring.
Basically, we'd just beaten the life out of this lizardfolk in a bar, and he had been giving some human this flask of a mysterious liquid.
ME:I drink some of the stuff in the flask.
DM:Make a fort save.
ME:Oh, crap!
It's some kind of poison. (Rolls the save) Um, a 15.DM:You become addicted to agony.
EPIC FAIL.
Needless to say, I freaked out. The DM had to make the drug less powerful so my character wouldn't become addicted (we were very new to the game, and couldn't imagine playing a good character that was addicted to a drug).
52. My group was sent to check out the sewers because some of the guard went missing. I, being a first level wizard was given a couple of scrolls with some fire spells. We got to a manhole and we entered into basically a sewer filled with three things: poo, zombies and (unknown to my character, sadly) a very unhealthy amount of methane. Now my character was a bit impulsive (must have been the fumes), as he whipped out a scroll that he thought would do the most damage. Cut to the top side where the rest of my party was. All of a sudden, a fireball erupts from the manhole. They went down to investigate and found nothing but ash. At least I cleared an entire sewer system of an undead infestation. :D
53. My dwarven fighter get the bright idea to dig a foxhole in the path of an approaching army of trogodites(sp?) and camouflage it with a bush. Right in the middle of the path of said army. Guess what happened.
Fighter with 18 strenght wearing full plate armor and backpack full of gold coins tells me he will run 15 feet than jump across a 25 foot wide 200 feet deep chasm...
-I ask are you shure you wan't to do this?
-Yes he says.
-Really?
-Yes I have 18 strenght I can make it.
-Okay, you run as fast as you can and plunge to your death. Roll a new character.
I did something like that and landed in lava. My DM had a bit of mercy on me and my character struck a deal with Death and came back, although horribly burned with my armor fused with my skin. Shame the game didn't last long after that session.
C'mon, there must be millions of these damn things.
He ended up casting it as many times per day as possible, in the most inappropriate situations.
group 1 (scout + cleric)
scout- are there any deer or anytrhing
Me (DM)- why
scout- to hunt for food
Me- sounds reasonable. you see a deer (draws a few bushes and trees)
scout- I fire my bow
rolls a 3
Me- you miss. the deer gives you a stare that can be translated as "what do you think your doing?"
scout i fire again
rolls a 2
Me- you miss, again. the deer shakes it's head at you and runs away.
this was the beginning of the tradition of the entire party never hitting with ranged weapons, EVER.
group 2 (Dragon fire adept + samurai)
dragon fire adept- we go north (villagers said that there were rumors of the woods being haunted up north)
Me- you hear howling noises coming from the north
Dragon adept- we search for tracks (no-one has the tracking feat)
rolls an 11
Me- you find some tracks
Adept- we follow them
Me- you aren't versed in the art of track following. you lose the trail shortly. you hear howling noises coming from the north
Samurai- i'll try
rolls a 13
Me- same as the adept. you hear howling noises coming from the north.
Adept- umm ok. we head back to town
Me- (a little frustrated) You STILL hear howling noises from the north
Samurai- Enough with the howling noises geez
ME- (what i wanted to say) GO NORTH YOU IDIOTS. FOLLOW THE NOISES. THE GOBLINS ARE THERE!!! AM I BEING TOO SUBTLE!!!
the goblins were north
58. when they got back to town and finished searching east (nothing there but squirrels. yes the scout tried and missed them too) when the innkeeper and money lender (the employers) ask for a progress report. the players (all of chaotic alignment) make use of the bluff skill.
Innkeeper- have you dealt with the goblins
bluff check- 20 + 7
sense motive- 2 + 5
Party- yes
Moneylender- are you lying to us?
bluff- 19 + 7
Sense motive- 1 + 5
Party- we're very hones people
Innkeeper- heres your money
party- thanks
Party- *whispered amongst themselves out of earshot* Time to skip town.
and thus they got 500 gold each for doing nothing.
DM (me): Okay, you walk into a bar, there is a very big, very scary looking half-ogre in the corner. You instinctivly don't want to be near him.
PC: I walk right up to him, flip him in the nose, and then say many, mean things, questioning the patronage of his mother.
DM: Uh, no. He's very big and very scary, that's not something your character would do. He's INTIMIDATING, see. It's not like your immune to fear.
PC: Nuh-uh! See, Intimidate doesn't affect PCs, says so right in the book. I'm gonna do the chicken dance around him.
DM: *in my head* Yeah, that's some good role-playing.
DM (me): You reach the top of the armory. You're ten feet away from the nearest rooftop, and the streets below the armory are teeming with the walking dead.
Barbarian: I decide to test out my new axe. (They found a +1 greataxe in the armory) I throw myself off the building into the crowd of zombies.
DM (me): You're going to throw yourself off the building? Not just walk back down and out the door?
Barbarian: Yes
DM (me): ...Ok... Roll a jump check.
Barbarian: *rolls successfully so he at least doesn't faceplant, but still eats falling damage* OK, I run into the nearest group of zombies and start hacking away.
Two rounds later, the barbarian is flanked by 8 zombies and manages to fail 3 saves in a row. Next round he's dead and walking.
The worst part is: six months later I tried to run another D&D game and he chased all my players off by bringing up his version of the story, where I killed his character 'just because he failed on a saving throw'
He Brags hes going to show why they suck and such. Anyways
His Barbian ends up carrying alot of wight and such. And decides to jump off this one building... to try and get to the other building right? well with 0 ranks and jump and such. he fails and falls. The rest of the players (Monk/Paladin/Wizard/Druid/Cleric yes large group) Tease him and such.
His fighter runs around and trys combat and such. His feat choices and gear choices and Stat choices are POOR However.
Cleave Great Cleave Weapon Focus and all that other feats ... The sad thing? He Put it all in a Melee weapon when his fighter used a Bow!. I Mean ...
Anyways. His characters die and he starts bragging "See I Told you Fighters and barbians suck" alot of players just started saying the reason why the fighter and barbian suck is becouse HE Is a HORRIBLE Ass player... I Mean why The hell would a 0 rank jump barbian try to jump 50 ft to the NEXT Building? Or the fighter put his feats into melee weapons or melee Orantanted when hes useing a BOW?
I Was just sitting there going
thinking "What the heck. is this guy REALY This dumb?"The other players started talking about how the fighter/barbian wasnt dumb. It was him that was dumb and makeing dumb Choices and character builds. Which turned out into a large arguement where the guy stated he played for 6 years (True. i knew the guy played for 6 years which was another reason why i just had this
look on my face becouse honestly i couldnt beleve how dumb he was acting)He ends up storming off becouse he dosnt beleve the other players.
And the rest of the group turns around looking at me with that confused look on my face and said "Why are you so confused? What you beleve him"
The thing i said was "How DUMB Could that guy be?" And made eveyone eles laugh.
This was the day as well that i started paying more attattion to Treads that dissed Wizards or Fighters or made one or the other MUCH Better then they should be. And now i post stateing its not as crapy. Or Not as good as people think they are.
But of course this is internet. Try winning an arguement.
Edgar Blackfist: I pull out my Flaming Sword, move forward and wait.
Tovan: I take a couple of shots with my bow. (rolls and hits .. ect)
Gravis: I cast Cone of Cold on the Froth Salamanders
Crickets: Chirp Chirp Chirp
Me: Frost Salamanders.
Gravis: Yeah (Rolling dmamge)
Me: FROST Salamaders.
Gravis: 38 Damage.
Me: The (spelling) F R O S T Salamanders take no damage.
Gravis: Oh FROST Salamanders. Can I take back my action?
Me: (sigh) No.
The cleric is engaged with the render, and he swings his mace, rolling a natural 1 and fumbling the mace. Fearing death he shifts away 5 ft and waits. The render moves on top of the mace and clobbers him, bringing him down to 4 HP.
The cleric did what he could, and that was shift away 5 more feet.
Now, mind you, The Grey Render had about 50 HP left. Instead of healing himself (he hadn't cast a single spell yet that day) he tells me "I throw my spear." Oh, did I mention that he had a -1 DEX? Needless to say, that was the THIRD time the same monster killed the same character.
The party arrives at the orracle but it is unkown to them. They decide to send one in to investigate the building... He goes in and asks "what is this place" "it is the oracle where you only get one question answered. Now get out" the player then walks out and when the group asks him what was in there he answers "Go in there and ask!"... I kid you not.
66:
Same group. Unknown to the players they have unlocked 3 wishes for the party. The DM leans back and waits for someone to utter a wish. An arguement starts inside the group and one character says "oh I wish you where in hell Stevie"... PUUUF... Stevie is in hell... now he is a coldblooded halfdragon rogue... He looks around at all the fires and says: "I wish I had a sausage on a stick" :P The DM decides to play it friendly and gives him a magical stick that can provide sustenance enough for him :D
Now I was neither player or DM in that group at the time. I joined them later on but they told me the stories.
(Sunless Citadel, the mother rat)
Asmodious scans the room and looks toward the party. They all bow except for one character.
One of the PC's( Drip) tells him," Bow you fool! it's Asmodious."
Googala answers, "Whose that? I don't bow for no one."
Me( DM) You die, Googala.
Googala: Why?
Me: Let em explain..Asmodious looks at you. Bad Asmodious pops on his left shoulder and says." Kill the muther F***er" then Good Asmodious pops on his right shoulder and says ." Kill the muther F***er"
we still laugh of that moment: )
Someone should make a disease that comes from eating hydra flesh. My friend(playing a 9th-level dragon shaman) wanted to open a "Hydra Burger Bar"
I suppose this should go here.
I was a duskblade and brand new to the game, my opponent was a druid who had been playing for years.
He summons winds to make him fly, completely putting himself out of reach of all my touch spells.
I, wearing full plate thanks to a feat, activate an item allowing me to teleport to any area i can describe. I described my opponents back.
100 feet of crashing metal later...
I suppose this should go here.
That doesn't count because I was ripping off OOTS.
Mind you those dead bodies looked unharmed. No claw marks, no weapon marks. Nothing of that sort.
One "Wail of the Banshee" trap and a nat 1 on a save later...
DM: "you see a bottle of green liquid"
P: "i drink it."
DM: "but you don't now what it is -_-"
P: "it's a healing potion"
DM: "what makes you think that"
P: "well Steffane found a healing potion earlier..."
DM: "steffs potion was in sleeping quarters and red, this is green and in a locker"
P: "so it's not a healing potion?"
DM: "you should really roll a saving throw right now..."
72. He starts of the adventure by lighting a gypsy wagon on fire with a torch. Only to find it is filled with Yuan-Ti. Luckily we were all able to survive that fun fight.
73. After deciding to be captured by zombies in order to sneak into an evil citadel he decides to light the zombie closest to him on fire. This was a mixture of stupid and genius. The zombie fire spreads and we are able to sneak away in the confusion.
74. Same Citadel. We are in the top of a tower. We just stole an artifact that will enable us to stop the BBEG. The trapped tower starts to collapse. Tordek decides that because he hears orcs coming up the spiral staircase leading down the tower he is going to steal one of the fellow adventures shield and ride it down the stairs. Keep in mind this is a Dwarf fighter wearing platemail and has a tower shield of his own. After flying down the stairs at a ridicules rate of speed he plows over a large amount of orcs. He also was using his tower shield as a wedge so anyone he hit went up and over. When he reached the bottom he was welcomed by a evil druid wielding ethereal arrows.
75. After later escaping that citadel we arrive at the BBEG's Citadel. It is surrounded by an army of undead. The rest of the party had evil cleric robe they had stolen earlier. All except the halfling rogue with like 30 to hide and move silently and me. Well Tordek decides walking in to certain death and causing the death of the rest of the party was bad. He decides he is going to stay outside the armys area. Well my dm was good to me that campaign and gave my pyro dwarf a axe of scorm. This axe lets my dwarf deal 1d6 lightning damage any time i say the word scorm. Well he decides to take his axe and go to the top of a hill which had trees on it. 3 rolling flaming trees in to the army of undead later the BBEG takes a notice to him. After making rude gestures at the BBEG he got 3 zombies and a blackguard sent after him.
I have no idea how my dm let him survive all this but he did.
76. Sunless citadel. I was dming and the group decided that it would be a good idea to force meepo the kobold (their new slave) to drink the mysterious liquid in the draconic fountain to make sure it wasn't poison. The terrified kobold, after imbibing, turned to the party leader who had made the suggestion, holding his tummy and groaning. When the party leader demanded to know what was wrong, meepo opened his mouth to speak, releasing a torrent of fire on the player. No more leader!
77. I allowed a player to play a NE pixie rogue once in a good party. That was silly of me.
78. The pixie rogue claimed he was invincible. that was silly of him.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
:heehee
Danar (Zora JS): "Woah, its dark in here." *summons up Bob the Blue Slaad* "There, you can tell us what you see."
Me: "Okay, the Slaad tells you what it sees. After you just descended from the ladder, you appear to stand in a room of 20 by 25 feet, and you are standing on what appears to be a large pile of bones and little bits and pieces of meat."
Alikom (Rito DK): "Uh-oh, that doesn't bid well..."
Me: "The Slaad tells you it sees a creature approaching from the bottom of the pile you are standing on."
Everest (Moogle): "Oh god no! Not again!"
Me: "It has scaly legs with claws on them and possesses feathered wings. It is coloured a mix of rusty and bloody red and its beak is sharp. Its eyes appear to be staring in your direction."
Danar: "Can I attempt a Knowledge Arcana check to see if I can catch that creature with a Jewel Sphere?" (his class works much like a Pokemon Trainer)
Me: "You can."
Danar: "Okay." *rolls a 19"
Me: "Yes, it is a kind of monster that you could catch. However, you have recently run out of spheres due to catching Bob with it."
Danar: "Ah, dammit. Can I check again to see if this creature often comes in large groups or something?"
Me: "Sure."
Danar: *rolls a 21*
Me: "It usually appears in small groups of 4-8, but it may come in really large hordes."
Danar: "Do I know if its dangerous?"
Me: "On its own it isn't really dangerous, but in large groups, it can be frighteningly powerful."
Danar: "Do I know what it is?"
Me: "It's a CHICKEN."
Danar: "..."
Alikom: "...I smack him."
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
You, my good sir, caused me to laugh so hard I almost threw up. That is one of the funniest things I have ever heard of.
82. Warlord sees a gelatinous cube coming down this long hall at the party and decides to try and go around to flank it (tactical, no?) Unfortunately he leaves the party behind, wanders into a room alone and is surrounded by the other slimes in the wizards tower. Jello eats warlord, and I have my first character death in a year.
I'll never forget that moment. lol!
84. Same game, the next session. We're about to go explore something (forget what, this was many years ago), and the party rogue decides he wants to hide his halberd for some reason. Keep in mind, his hide ability was 2 points higher than his spot check. He rolled a natural 20 on his hide check. He still talks about it to this day. lol.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
Funniest. Post. Ever.
86.) I entered the game with a Half-Fiend named Ca'os. There was a Cleric of War, an Aventi Monk, and a Sorcerer. We had an airship.
Until it crashed into the church.
87.) We let the player who made Arblat join a new game, that took place in the distant future after the world had fallon to ruin and was in a new darkages. He spent the entire campaign digging his grave with a spoon, amazingly finishing RIGHT as we accidently blew up the planet with the discovery of nuclear bombs.
88.) Placing my Half-Fiend in a world with Nuclear Bombs.
89.) I was to be introduced, by having the party save me from a pack of Gnolls. The Pack were too strong for the party to beat so the only option was to go around them. Of course the Cleric of War desided the direct route was better. Needless to say, a few bodies later, the DM pulled a Dues ex Machina, just to let me play.
90.) I was playing a game as Ca'os my half-fiend. The game ended when we entroduced an NPC who was an Aposal of Peace, with a Cleric of War in the party. Somehow, my Lawful Evil Half-Fiend found himself defending a Lawful Good Aposal of Peace from a Neutral Good Cleric of War. Campaign, ended there.
91.) Using Candy Land as another Plane. It Worked, but Mr.Mint will never be looked at again, after the Micheal Jackson incident with the Astral Stalker.
92.) One player desided to play a Peddale. She gave it a personality quirk... It was A.D.D., and very talkative for the entire game.
93.) A thre-kreen psion/thrallherd and a warforged Ashworm Dragoon/Samurai/Juggarnaught in an evil campaign, deside they want to take out a city. Thrallherd, suddenly makes camp and waits it out while his entire army go in.
94.) As an Experiment, we let a Thrallherd pick any thrall he wanted. He got an Ifret (genie). Sometimes, wishes shouldn't come true.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
...oh dear god. I think I hurt myself laughing.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
Couldn't they have just fixed him with a care-bear-stare? I mean, he may have been evil, but he couldn't have been as evil as the dreaded no-heart!
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm. The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
Oh, dear gods. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. You get a
.Also, that interpretation of Elysium is just demented. Me likey, me likey.
p1 - o.k. we all could use some magic to back us up but what do you all think
p2 - i think we should save it for when someone dies
p1 - thats good what about you shawn?
Shawn - just don't mess up and wish for something stupid
group - ....
p1 - *sigh*
me the DM - the ring looses its magic as a dunce cap appears on Ragith's (Shawn's) head.
just so you all know, i'm under the belief that no player is dumber then shawn. this was probably the third wish he messed up in a row and is now not even capable of owning pets anymore. he killed so many accidentally (as in actually accidentally) that a god of beasts cursed him to never be able to own another.
97)You know how this one works, players do stuff and eventually find a ring with a wish on it. So the players huddle around the ring and start discussing.
p1 - o.k. we all could use some magic to back us up but what do you all think
p2 - i think we should save it for when someone dies
p1 - thats good what about you shawn?
Shawn - just don't mess up and wish for something stupid
group - ....
p1 - *sigh*
me the DM - the ring looses its magic as a dunce cap appears on Ragith's (Shawn's) head.
just so you all know, i'm under the belief that no player is dumber then shawn. this was probably the third wish he messed up in a row and is now not even capable of owning pets anymore. he killed so many accidentally (as in actually accidentally) that a god of beasts cursed him to never be able to own another.
FIRST RULE when discussing wishes . . . . take the ring of wishes OFF and store it in your backpack.
the nothing illogical part was a theme for all the puzzles and riddles that shawn just wouldn't pick up on which was most obvious when we came on this fountain
DM- before you is a fountain, inscribed on it is the words "i know all ask me any question"
shawn - i drop a copper in and ask how do we get out of here
DM - the moment you're copper his the water it dissolves. nothing else happens.
me - shawn i think i figured it
shawn - i drop a gp in and ask again
DM - the gp dissolves and the liquid starts bubbling
me - no, shawn look, it's illogical for a fountain to know how to...
shawn - i drop a ruby in, man this thing i greedy.
DM - *sigh* when the ruby hits the water all of it's contents shoot upwards, shawn you take 3d12 acid damage from th fountain and 1d4 dumba** damage for not listening to Tisor (me)
me - this guy shot a fireball at you for trying to break down an unlocked door and you start talking to his fountain.
shawn - it said it knows everything!
dumba** damage became very popular after that for whenever shawn did something high up on the stupidity bar
if you see where this is going... please continue reading just to be sure.
the doorway was 3 spaces wide.
The BAR was DOWN.
The DM shouts out, Roll for perception, DC5.
Of course, we all roll.
twos.
The DM says, "Three guys walk into a bar. lose 24 hours and 500 gold each due to unconsciousness."
Of course, the first thing out of my friend's mouth is... WTF?
me(dm): Before you is a stone door, that looks worn around the edges from use. The walls around it are dusty, except a piece on the right.
p1: I hit the door.
me: Your axe hits the door and bounces off, landing a few feet away.
p2: I hit it too.
p3: Me too.
(continue for half an hour, with me giving constant reminders about the not-dusty piece of wall.)
p1: I put my hand on the wall to the right.
me: The door grinds open.
p2: ...
p3: ...
p4: ...
When in doubt, use constant reminders. Otherwise, give up and leave. =D
Me (DM): Dirge (Fighter) opens the door. You hear a faint click, and a bell rings loudly.
Cleric: Crap.
Dirge: I close the door quickly!
Me: As you close the door, you hear "THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!" and feel the impact of three heavy objects hitting the door.
Synn (Ranger): I have fast reflexes. I'll stick my head out the door and see what the heck is going on.
Me: Okay.
Synn: I stick my head out.
I roll for the goblins, who have javelins. They get 21, 19 and 17.
Me: Roll your Reflex save.
He rolls a 1! LOL!
Me: You take 18 points of damage, and lose a chunk of your ear in the process. You have a -1 to Charisma until it is healed.
Needless to say, we all laughed pretty hard.
First dude rolls a 1
Me (DM): *Rolls eyes* You think it would be a great idea to jump out of the second story window, for fun!
Dude 1: SWEET! (Does so, uses tumbling to reduce damage to zero.)
Dude 2: *Rolls a 1 also* OOH! maybe we can get some money by turning it into a show! I'm gonna go work up a crowd.
Me: Oh, this isn't going to end well.
Dude 3: *ALSO ROLLS A 1, I'm not joking* AWESOME I'm gonna be announcer!
After half an hour of gameplay, they finally remembered to talk to the guy.
DM: there is carving on the wall depicting the face of a demon with an open mouth. The inner mouth is a sperical black surface. No light at all seems to emanate from it.
Player: I put my head into the mouth and try to see if is a passage to the other side of the wall....
DM: your headless body falls on the ground....
(It's at the beginning of Tomb of Horror..., where the Sphere of Annihilation is found)
I remember playing Tomb of Horrors and this is what a player did when I ran this game:
103)
DM: There is carving on the wall depicting the face of a demon with an open mouth. The inner mouth is a sperical black surface. No light at all seems to emanate from it.
Player: I tell my animal companion to go in.
DM: Your animal companion doesn't return.
Player: Ok, how about I put my sword into it. But, only half of it.
DM: Ok, You are now left with only half a sword.
Player: Cool! I want to go inside!
DM: -_-; Your dead you moron.
I couldn't believe he actually went inside. For the record, he never played with us again.
The group wizard cast scorching burst on the rats, setting the sewage on fire. My party runs out of the flaming sewers, nearly dying from smoke inhalation. Once above ground we find a thick cloud of foul smelling smoke hanging over the town and flaming feces shooting out of the sewer drains and into the river.
We blamed it all on the gang.
"Hand over your coin or burn."
This being the equivalent of being held at gun point in D&D, we start going for our pouches. One of our players, the clumsiest of us all who decided to roll a wizard is gonna rescue us though. He casts a spell to save the day, but we're all wincing because he's not the brightest crayon in the box and spells are dangerous.
He hit the bandit with Burning Hands. We go up like a tinder box. There was one survivor, though he was a crispy critter. He did, however, get some fancy magical boots out of the deal. I don't think the other guy even knew his boots were magical, but when all that was left in the rubble was ash, this charred survivor who got out, and an unscathed pair of boots, it's safe to say they're magical.
p1 - i go to open the chest.
DM - halfway there your movement slows and you begin to sink down, you've been caught in quicksand.
p2 - I'll help him out. *rolls a one* -_-
DM - you slip into the quicksand.
p3 - i'll jump over them and get the treasure. *rolls a one*
DM - ...
P3 - you don't have to say it, i fall in the quicksand.
p4 - i jump in the quicksand.
DM - why?!?
p4 - i feel lonely.
the whole party died...
Dm (me) -rolls some dice- Give me a spot check Shimmy.
Shimmy: 18
Dm: you see an orc trying to hide in some bushes a ways up the road on the left. It looks like you've got about 10 feet in between a patch of bushes on both sides up there so it doesn't seem like a good idea to try and ride past. Plus, hes looking right at you but it doesn't look like he realized your looking at him yet.
Shimmy: I'm gonna ride by as fast as I can on the right side out of reach of the orc.
Dm: Do you really want to do that?
Shimmy: Yup.
Dm: Are you sure?
Shimmy: Yup.
Player 2: Think about it for a minute.
Player 3: If he wants to you should let him.
Dm: So your completely sure?
Shimmy: Yup. I'm gonna ride as fast as I can out of reach of that orc.
Dm: You ride by just out of range of the orc on the left. The orc you didn't see on the RIGHT however, was completely within reach and waiting.
-rolls some dice- Ouch... -rolls dice again- A (cant remember) flat footed is a hit isn't it?
Shimmy: Yeah that hits me.
Dm: Crits actually... -rolls- Ouch... 37 damage....
Shimmy: That's not bad.
Dm: then the times 3 crit.... 111 damage total.
Shimmy: .... I've got 89 hp....
Player 3: And we've got one less shimmy.
Player 2: You were on your own too, so no one knows to come get you to be resed.
Dm: Congradulations, you've found the ambush party, the hard way.
Shimmy: What was that orc if I may know?
Dm: A level 8 barbarian. He was waiting to ambush anything that went by with full power attack. Got a nat 20 followed by a 19 conferm and max damage with his great ax.
Lessons to be learned here:
1.Never go off on your own, especially if your hunting an ambush party.
2. If the DM ask you "Are you sure?" stop and think for a moment.
In 3.0 I had a lvl 12 Elf Bow Ranger who was very emo because of a low charisma score. My party was battling a patrol of Orcs in an old battlefield and one of my allies who my character definitely did not like, decided to step in the path of my only firing lane against the Orc "boss" and end his turn when mine was coming up. So I told the DM that I wanted jump on top of my ally to gain a height advantage on the Orc and make a point blank shot. To make a long story short I rolled a 20 on the acrobatic move and finished off my quarry and my ally failed a strength check to see of he could support my weight. So he ended up prone with a concussion because he hit his head on a rock.
As a 4th Edition DM:
Two of my players didn't get along with one another and one did something stupid in game. The other ask if he could smack him upside the head in game and I said to roll to see if you actually hit him. He rolled a natural 20 and took his HP down to -3. So with the tank down who had an AC of 22 5 kobold minions threw their javelins at him, who had an AC of 16, and none of them rolled higher than 20 after modifiers.
#1: Okay so I roll a 13 do I hit?
#2: No you gotta add your bonus to hit see, whats 8 + 13?
#1: 16?
#2: No, think blackjack
#1: 21?
#2: Good!
And this went on for hours. Thank you public education system!
@Chrono - I started to laugh about that for a second, but then when I thought about it, it just seemed... sick.
you don't have to tell me that, I am just glad that 4e doesn't have animal companions. Yes we had a ranger and yes he would have.
to answer ahead of time- i know that is even sicker but you would have to know him. I still wish he would have rolled a 1, the DM was going to have her castrate him:D
DM: You enter a room. One one side is a bed; directly across from the bed is a mirror.
Paladin: I break the mirror.
DM: Are you sure?
Paladin: Yeah.
DM: No. Really.
Paladin: Yeah
Warlord: I wanna help him!
DM: For the love of God, don't do it!
Paladin: I already said that I'm doing it.
DM: Ok. Roll.
Paladin: 3
DM: Nope. Sorry.
Warlord: I got a 20!
DM: *shakes his head in disgust* Ok. You broke it.
They can't figure out what else to do in the room so they go back to the spectre who tells them that the mirror will point the way to the next secret.
I had 2 bugbear players. A cleric and a fighter.
The fighter wanted to try to tear a door off of it's hinges, so he rolled a STR check. Nat 20. He now has a door.
Trugg OOC: Do i have space to charge down the hallway?
Me (DM) : Ya, by a few inches, so don't slip.
Trugg: GRRAAAAH!!! *charges*
Me : Make a STR check.
he rolls another 20. holy crap.
Me: Congrats, you just squished 3 terrified goblins into a wall.
Trugg OOC: Anything left?
Me: broken javelins and some mangled body parts.
Trugg: I take the remains and use the javelins to pin them to the door!
Me: Be really glad you have such a high str...
Trugg: heheh...
The 3 other players just stared on in amazement. That door is their trophy "wall". It currently has 4 goblin heads, a vampire cloak, and assorted goops from squished organs. It's also been used as a shield and a temporary bridge... I love my players lol
Combat with her was another story. It's like she thought her robes could deflect any sword. No tactics, no idea of "stand back & cast".. she would wade right into melee and start blasting away with AOE & Ranged spells.
Her crowning moment. We're huddled in the water under a dock in the harbor of a city, holding onto our plate clad dwarf to keep him from sinking like an anchor, hiding from the local theives guild who we had just thwarted. We get spotted by the theives, and a few of them jump into the water and start swimming towards us, with 2 of them diving deep and coming up from underneath.
Init is rolled..
Mage goes first..
Declares that she is casting "Lightning Bolt" at the submerged theives.
Party goes silent.
DM asks her to roll damage without batting an eyelash.
Mage maxes out.. fries party down to around 40%.. killing the fighter (our plate clad lightning rod) and herself in the process.
Game ended in a TPK, without too much effort from our DM. I still chuckle over it and it's been 10 or more years.
Q: Do the Deluxe Core Rulebooks contain updates?
A: Yes. The deluxe editions incorporate material from the update documents, including the stealth rules. They also feature embossed foil covers, ribbon bookmarks, premium gilt-edged pages—even a set of sticker strips to use as page markers to quickly reference the pages you flip to most (page 277 of the Player’s Handbook, we’re looking at you!).
Anyways Me and my other buddie started laughing at this one kid who plays D&D When he was making fun of this. its mostly the way He said it.
But basicly he pointed this out and said
" No, This book Only has 1 thing added in, which eveyone online pretty much knows about or can look up, Besides this we tossed glitter on it and made it look nicer, And unknowningly to other players we added Stickers into it to mark pages which people could have done with there old set for the price of 35 pennys "
The way he was mocking Wiz responce to this was funny to me and my buddie.
And i kinda agree no real point in the Delux edistion besides buying it to get your friend into the game. besides this i would never buy this Its just looks pretty and There chargeing how much to make the books look Fu fu and put 1 minor change in it and such...
I Allready have the normal Books im not rebuying more inless these quit on me.
So ya We thought it was kinda funny how dumb the responce was due to the kid mocking it.
Mostly funny becouse the kid was 13 years old. while were in our 20's,
Me:I read the words on the scroll out loud.
DM: (after a brief disscussion about wether or not I can do that): It's a cursed Scroll of Foolishness. It summons a carrion crawler.
Me:Wait, how does that happen?
DM:It's a cursed scroll of foolishness. The carrion crawler tentacles you. Find your fort save.
As I find the fort save, I chant "Fort save, fort save," over and over to annoy the DM for his idiodicy. He threatens to roll on his fake "random embarrasing events" table to shut me up. I sing even louder. He rolls a die just for the sound, then says "Your pants fall down. The carrion crawler tentacles you in the crotch. You're paralyzed there for 4 rounds."
Me:"That's just sick, man. I mean, enacting your sick carrion crawler fantasies on my character..."
There was much laughter.
DM: As you enter the long hall you startle a large group of drow who were hudled by the far wall, surrounded by human corpses and a large amount of loot.
Barbarian Gnome: At the sight of so much treasure in the hands of someone who's not me, i fly into a rage and charge across the hall screaming.
Orc: I'm going to tut at Bella (the barb), then lug my axe and follow.
DM: It's too big for you to use, you're only an ickle gnome!
Me: I know, but im going to sit down and hold the bow with my feet; pulling the string back with both my arms, like this (i actually got on the floor to demonstrate!).
DM: Um ok, but im still going to give you a -4 cos you're not proficient with a bow that big.
Me: s'ok, i've got a high dex ..rolls a natural 1.. oh :S
DM
to the socerer) you look on with slight amusement as you see your comrade work himself into position to loose his new bow, then burst out with laughter as both bow and gnome lauch across the hall, leaving the arrow held in the air for a comical 2 seconds before it clatters to the flagstones at you feet.(to the barb and orc) you are distracted from your onward charge when Ravenlock (me) shoots through the air above you at high speed, you hear a dishearted cry from him as he lands prone at the feet of the drow with a nasty bump.
I think i laughed and cried at the same time :P
P1: I walk into the room and call out to the snakes " Come and fight with me my dear friends!"
P2: ....
DM(me): Alright a Boa slithers over to you an wraps itself around your legs slowly coiling upwards
P1:I let it to show that it is my friend
DM: alright you fall down the great snakes weight too much for your weak body, your start to find that it is getting harder to breathe.
P1: What why!?!
DM: Think about it while a Black Mamba is also coming towards you
P1:Help me friend!
P2:What are you crazy!?!
P3: I charge in and chop at the snake!
*Rolls 1*
DM:You fumble and effectively kill P1 ( I dislike typing names)
P1: DUDE WHY'D YOU DO THAT I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!"
This comment raised uproarious laughter at him and at the entire situation which ended an snake bites, angry players (at P1), and me forcing P1 to watch a documentary on snakes.
Udu (barbarian) and Bob (the rogue) got trapped behind a portcullis. Now, Illius (my wizard) was inspecting a wall that had a tapestry on it (Udu ripped it off) and I was feeling around the wall. Turns out the wall is a illusion, and the DM tells me I feel a handle. My wizard was a very curious fellow, so he pulled on it. It pulls back and he's held against the wall. Foxglove (Druid) comes over and starts feeling around, and feels some blades (big ones) covered in an ichor. We figure out that if I pull back, my arm goes off. By this time, the others freed themselves, and came over to check out what was happening. I told the rogue to get the chain shirts that were on the nearby table and cover my arm with them. then Udu goes into a rage and pulls me out. I rolled a d% and got a 9. I lost the very tips of my middle and ring finger.
It was so much fun. Very tense. And I didn't lose that much.
At some point some someone spots a dot in the sky which is growing larger. After a while, we successfully identify it as being a cockatrice. The beast attacks... (we all had very good fort saves: around 10-11 and the fort save was around DC12)
DM: 'Roll a fort save'
P1: 'a 1...'
So 1 player got petrified while the other 2 were riding away. Seeing our comrade being turned to stone we turn around to charge the beast and save our companion.
DM: 'Ok , roll a fort save'
P2: 'a 1...'
DM: 'Errrr... , you too roll a fort save'
P3: 'a 1!!'
DM: 'WTF'
Result: 3 beautiful statues somewhere in the middle of the country side and a total party wipe!
Soooo, we enter the tavern in an evil city, there is a large table already filled with town guard members (most happen to be gnolls). I walk in, with my newly created alignment of Psychotic Neutral, wave at the guards and am responded with a leer and a snarl. well..
The party gets up to go buy horses so that our trek through the swamp/jungle can only have to take us three days instead of many weeks. I lag a little behind, use silent spell to cast a delayed blast fireball, and proceed to walk out. thirty seconds later, as my companions are handing the gold over for the horses, a massive explosion rocks the city, the local tavern has just been obliterated and people nearby are practically deaf. all animals in the city run out, leaving us horseless.
125: my DM let me make a wizard.
126: immediately following this event, the barbarian smacked me, dealing 6 actual damage. shortly therafter while in the swamp, we encounter a massive animated tower. I get on top just in time to get smashed by one of it's arms, leaving me on the ground several hundred feet away, at negative 3 hp.
I almost died twice more in that battle. stupid barbarian, taking away six valuable hp.
"No, see, we can free this demon. I'm a drow, he has to do what I say."
Me: As your slosh through the muck and clamber around the gnarled roots of marsh-trees, a huge racket catches your attention off to your left. You observe a huge creature, a horrible mix of crustacean, insect and serpent with a hard shell like a lobster and two giant pincers. (I show them a pic).
One of the Players: What! Crap! That's a Chuul! That things way too much for us to take on. We're only 2nd level. (accompanied by objections and bewilderment from the other players).
Me: Well, it's about a hundred yards away and sloshing towards you.
The Players: This is no fair!
Me: You notice that it appears to be dragging one pincer and a hind leg. The creature is definitely not moving a full speed, but it continues to struggle toward you.
The Players: Well, we wait. There's no way we can survive against it, you know.
Me: After waiting awhile, it definitely gets closer, but you can tell that you can move faster than it can.....
The Players: Well, we aren't gonna wait here for it. WE MOVE TOWARD IT.
And I say this is one of the stupidest things I've seen from a player group.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm...The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
Slogging through the sewers of some city in Ferune. I am a halfling fighter. I am accompanied by a an elven mage. We round a corner and see more giant insects than we want to handle. Elven wizard casts fire ball ... in a sewer full of methane emissions. Lets just say it was a hot time in the old time that night - and I had to make a new halfling fighter for the next game session.
This wasn't epic stupid, but it's all I've got for now.
In a 2-player mini-campaign, we were level 2 or 3 and fighting some rats. I used Tide of Iron to shove my rat away, then moved over to the other rat to flank it.
DM: OK, the rat you just shoved now comes back and flanks you.
Me: Oh, right. That. >_<
It ended up working out, since I had a pretty high AC and HP (str/con fighter go!) but I can't believe I didn't think of that.
130) A player with a brokwn leg (we were using some pretty imbalanced "grim & gritty" houserules at the time) got down off his horse to fight an animated woodstove with his rapier.
I’m playing a wizard, and our paladin has just gone down the gullet of a purple worm. Naturally the paladin is already injured and without a light weapon to cut his way, it’s looking bad.
However I have a plan: I run towards the worm provoking an attack of opportunity, and mustering all my might scream “EAT MEEEEE!, EAAAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEE!!” well it did. I got hold of the paladin and used dimension door to teleport us out with 2 and 4 hp respectively.
Sometimes stupidity pays off.
133:
Went black dragon hunting in a rowboat, nuff’ said.
"whoops".136 After waiting for days for the dragon to go away so we can leave the cave we decide we are going to have to fight it... but now we are starved and dehydrated. We make up a cunning plan that involves me (thief) sneaking out using my ring of invisibility to get into a position to backstab the dragon then the fighter and cleric would rush out and attack and th wizard would start blasting. Out I run and am quickly taken down to 3hp by the dragon who can see invisible. Out run the fighter and cleric to attack. Poison breath and a few bites kill both of them. Wizard starts blasting but can't make anything stick. Things look bad. Lying on the ground pretending to be dead I pull out my luckblade which has one wish left in it. "I wish all my friends were alive and healthy." POOF! I'm still on the floor with 3hp as the rest of the party stand up and attack. (We one eventually)
129) Realizing they needed human teeth as a component to open a magically sealed door, the rogue pulled out three of his own with his thieves' tools... not bothering to open the dozens of sarcophagi in the crypt around him first...
Way...LOL
These days, I probably wouldn't have killed her over that, but it was shocking then.