Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 ifritus Jun 17, 2010 6:46:45	Hiya folks, the HBPH1 is going good, its now onto the PP's and feats of the 8 classes, but one of the things that I am a bit worried about, is the flavour text of the classes, as I think that it defines them, almost ast much as their features and traits do. So here they are with a note or two of mine, I would like honest responses as to whether or not the text is feasable/suitable enough AVATAR Show Avatars are the embodiments of the seasons, which die and are reborn in an unending cycle. Their power comes from a deep empathy with these seasons which only those with primal roots can comprehend.                 You have the power of the seasons in your grasp to use as you see fit: the fiery heat of summer to wrought enemies in flame, the chilling freeze of a bitter winter to encase a foe in ice, the natural death of autumn to decay a foes being where by the graceful rebirth by spring it is reborn. However, wielding something as interchangeable and unstable as the power of a season demands a strong body with which to wield it.               Smiting foes with the seasons’ wrath, you release the raw destructive powers of summer and winter, alongside the more subtle and graceful powers of rebirth and decay of spring and autumn.  Which season will you become a true avatar of? ========== The Avatar, is a primal spellcasting striker, who can choose between controller (summer and winter) or leader (autumn and spring) as their secondary role. In the class feature, summer and winter are said to be the better seasons to channel raw destructive power from, and raw means uncontrolled = some bursts and blasts. for autumn, it is more on debilitation of the enemy and ongoing necrotic, whislt spring is a pure healing season, not strikerish at all
#2 ifritus Jul 09, 2010 7:47:16	im not one for boost posting threads, but I would appreciate a comment or two on this post, three weeks without reply! Thanks in advance!!
#3 Swordior Jul 17, 2010 0:32:47	Avatar: Strikers seems strange for a class with a pure leadery branch. Anyways, as for the description Seems ok, though spring is odd man out and may confuse some striker seeking players. Dreadlord: If this class is martial then you need to remove the first paragraph as losing part of your soul is shadow power source theme, martial is working with your own capabilities. Anyways, as for the fear keyword, you'd  use it if the enemy being fearful is what causes the effect. If you cut there knees and the enemy is slowed would not have the keyword. However, if you make a blood curling scream that causes enemies to be immobilized or you give a particullary gruesome/menacing strike then a fear keyword may be acceptable. Anyways, I'll continue later when I have more time.
#4 Swordior Jul 19, 2010 14:59:02	Gladiator: Seems fine, though most martial class are dependent on relentless dedication and practice, while the description says there not. Your last line of "have developed a unique form of combat known only to those who have lived long enough to master it" sort of goes against that too by saying they have learned from experience which brings practice as well. I believe I understand what your saying, but it may seem contradictive. You may want to say something that says they were thrown into a gladiator life and learned and developed from it. Juggernaut: Seems fine, though you may not want to say that they are the undisputed master of two-handed weapon use, as the theme seems more focused on the rampage. With a class like this, you have to avoid both ends of the spectrum. You don't want to be just a fighter with a big sword or a barbarian with armor, so it may need a good distinction between the two. Barbarians use rages imbued with primal spirits, how will a juggernaut compare to a Black Dragon Rage? Or the adrenaline rush of the Battle Rager fighter?  Necromancer: One thing I like about this description is that you try to connect it to the world (well the line "where through your magic, you deem their debts to the shadowfell paid, and thus release them to the rightful hands of The Raven Queen" does). I'm not sure that's how things actually work (I though the Raven Queen sent creatures to the Shadowfell, but it makes the necromancers sound like better people. So you may want to look into the way the shadowfell works (and its connections) for this class (don't know much about it myself). I think ou could just say, "People are suspicous of Necromancers" rather than the long line, "those who use their necromancy for deeds of neutral or good causes are often treated with suspicion." I know your trying to single out the good and nuetral Necromancers (to show they're playable), but I don't think it's necessary. The last paragraph makes it sound a lot darker (which the class is, but) I guess its fine though. The rules are in the Player's Handbooks (at least #2 and 3). Basically, they have HP up to the summoners bloodied value, use your actions, count as an ally, has no healing surges though if a power lets them make one, you can spend a healing surge for them. Speed depends on the power and rolls are done through the summoner. Um.... they have the defenses of the summoner without appying penaltys or bonuses to them. Though the power could grant some changes to the rules. (such as it has +2 fort or something.) Look at the others a bit later.
#5 Swordior Jul 28, 2010 15:03:01	Reaver: If this is a shadow class than people know full well how the Reaver came to his powers (by pledging a part of his/her soul to the shadowfell). Also, it seems strange that a class that is a loyal protector of the living gains his power to protect by cleaving the living in half. Something to think about to is how this power over death and souls would affect creatures without them (undead for instance). Shade: Description is kind of strange in that it sort of confuses you whether you are playing the spirit inhabiting a body, or the body that is harboring a spirit. It also gives it the feel that the spirit inside of the character does all the work while the person just is there, which may be the case but then you are basically playing the spirit. Anyways, it's an interesting idea, with roleplaying possibilities which is cool. Survivor: The second paragraph is kind of confusing as an orphan in the woods is a lot different than a captain leading an army to what seems like certain death, anyways the biggest thing for the survivor is explaining how the spirit mentor ant the person got together. Was it through ancient ritual like the other primal classes, or something else. The current description would make it seem like all you need is to have a strong survival sense, but a lot of people could have that. What makes this class unique when compared to the Shaman or Seeker? I also think that the description may talk about survival a bit much, as it's the very name of the class. As for your leaders, they don't all have to be tactical geniuses. The cleric isn't barking orders and coming up with great manuevers. The warlord however is thinking on those lines, moving allies, and setting up attacks. Anyways, thanks again for the thanking me, but you did most of the work. Hope this helps, as I'm not the best at short paragraph fluff.
#6 ifritus Aug 02, 2010 13:50:44	long time no see buddy. lets see, ive changed the flavour where needed, here are a few more notes... avatar: ill be sure to turn spring into a more strikery instead of pure leadery   dreadlord: hes a shadow striker, so... Juggernaut: basically ill make sure that this class is not just a pure hybriding of the aspects i outlined before. Necormancer: ill keep this ones flavour text the same, whats the worst that could happen Reaver: i wa merely trying to outline the fact of how inherently evil these guys abilities are, will look and so on... shade: the second one mate, your char i harbouring spirit of a great leader, hwoever, it is still the character in control, he ha his own thoughts, but now alo has the experiences and opinion of his “guest” survivor: changed to be a little more explaining... well, cheers for the opinions my friend :+)
#7 terk1011 Aug 03, 2010 23:31:36	Ah, my search for info on the HBPH1 brings me here. As long as my heads in the room, may as well help out. Avatar Just based on what you have here, this jumps out as the most interesting class. Your description conveys their role (striker,) connection to their power source (primal,) and way of accomplishing their goals (invoking the seasons) succintly and excitingly. Most importantly, you make me want to play the class. As Swodior pointed out, Spring seems like the fifth Beatle. I think you can take a different direction with this guy. Something like "the overwhelming persistance of life," or "those damn sudden downpours that totally ruin picnics. ... Okay, maybe just the former. Also, you give noticeably more focus to Winter and Summer than Fall and Spring. If the pairs respectively represent different builds, then one is showing up the other. Dreadlord Hm, this one has some missteps. Mainly, the description screams (pun intended) Shadow power source. And with the name "Dreadlord," it seems a waste of space to describe him as a "commander of dread." Also, I don't really know what the Dreadlord is doing to cause this fear. Chanting hexes? Decapitating people? Making mean faces? I think you said it best. "When the battle begins, and the first enemies to overcome your frightening presence take their place, how will you deal with them?" That's a VERY good question. :D Gladiator and Juggernaut I agree with Swodior on these, so I won't waste time repeating what he said. I'll just add that these also suffer from sounding like paragon paths of another martial class. Directly citing the Fighter class in your Juggernaut description also seems a little odd, like your class has something to prove or is explicitly better than the Fighter. Reaver and Necromancer I like what you did with these in playing up the heroic qualities. It's something I fear I didn't pull off in my Necromancer flavor. But, I think you spent a little too much of your word limit on it, and on the basics of the class. Nothing really makes these guys jump off the page and make me want to play them. With just some rewording like Swodior mentioned, you can make some room in there for better, action packed descriptions of soul splintering attacks and life cleaving sword sweeps. Shade Pretty good, though I might just be in love with the concept. This statement: "You utilize the tactical experiences of your counterpart in leading your allies with shadow magic," is pretty generic, and could use more elaborating or specific examples for the class to pop. Survivor You've got some great flavor in here and do a great job of describing who the Survivor is. But what's lacking is what the survivor does. Is he summoning his spirit mentor to the field? Well, that'd be a shaman. Chanelling it through him into attacks? That gets close to Warden or Barbarian. Just don't know. Well, hope that helps. There are a few odd grammar and vocabulary choices, but I'd feel like a total nag pulling those up. Good work, I look forward to seeing more, especially from the Avatar and Shade.
#8 ifritus Aug 06, 2010 22:33:21	ah Hi terk!, cheers for taking an interest... so lets see: Avatar I had it in my mind that spring could be mainly a "revenge" type season, where the reason for utilizing its power, is that your enemies seek to prevent it doing its job as a healing season, so it turns nice n nasty...this way it isnt primarily a leader season. and yes, the pairing of Winter+summer and autumn+spring represent the two builds: winter/summer is the Death Avatar autumn/spring is the Life Avatar I had the plan of this kind of thing with the seasons and their powers spring: damage type: radiant, best form of attack: areas and blasts summer: damage type: fire, best form of attack: single target + close burst autumn: damage type: necrotic, best form of attack: single target winter: damage type: cold, best form of attack: single target, areas more focus on death avatar seasons? is it an in your face one, or more subtle? ==== Dreadlord well, its a combination of many things, but the main way is via his shadow magic, which gives him a more frightening appeareance, grants him greater insight into his foes, and ofc, in action, he'll be covered in the blood of slain foes... basically the same way oud be frihgtend of a barb in a rage, but souped up with a boost, thanks to the shadowfell :+) and as for you deal with the foes who overcome your Dread Aura, well, if you belong to the Order of Execution, then cleave em in half..but if your in the Order of Manifestation... a psychcic assault with  shadow punch is all you need ===== Gladiator Ive altered this one to make sense... you can see his failed incarnation as a martial controller if you search the homebrew forum: "a HB class" just look for the panther pic ;) ===== Juggernaut now thats deffo a different way of looking at the inclusion of the fighter in the flav text... hm, i spose i could take it out... ====== Reaver = some more action, okay! ==== shade I spose adding in some examples would clarify it, I have just the idea for it... === more like the second choice where the "mentor" acts as a nice little conduit for primal energy === I shall send you a private message with the class features of the Avatar and shade, if you want... im one of those homebrewers who doesnt post his stuff untill its finished haha well... cheers mate for the insight