hi everyone. i'm about to start my first campaign and have been working on the script. can i get some constructive criticism?
the intro is the hardest part, i think. everything in italics will be read out loud to the party.
please be aware that everything isn't fully fleshed out yet (names, places, skill checks, etc.)
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INTRO
It is a hot summer day in the 4th Era, (insert year). The annual "Dwarrodellian Pact" is about to be announed, where leaders from every country meet in the White City of Clialos to report on the health of the continent.
It is a highly ceremonial affair, and representatives from every nation gather for a week-long celebration filled with national pride and worldwide brotherhood.
The festivites, however, wouldn't be much without a good couple pints of ale at the world-famous "Chortling Gnome" Tavern, located in a seedy side-street of Clialos.
Bill, a Dwarven warlord, has traveled with the Guidesman, a ceremonial order charged with protecting the Royal Dwarven Family during any official visit outside of the Dwarven Kingdom. He sits at a table in the corner with two of his fellow Guidesman, Baern the Hairy and Orsik the Odorous, drunkenly and belligerantly challenging each other's livers, while insulting the occasional Elf that walks by. The heavy stench of ale envelops his side of the tavern.
Meanshile Zul, a Dragonborn fighter, sits on the other side of the bar, boisterously laughing with his two Dragonborn bretheren, Shedinn and Arjhan. They have come to the White City to rendezvous with the Dragonborn Caravann in order to go home from the many "diplomatic" actions they secretly were assigned to address by the Royal Draconian Family.
Chris, an Eladrin rouge, sits silently in the corner of the bar, watching the ridiculous tomfoolery being purpotrated in front of him through the shadow of his hood. The Eladrin do not concern themselves with Dwarrodellian politics; after all, they lived on a floating city miles above the commonfolk. However, the Eladrin are not ignorant, and do realize that occasional information may be worth collecting from time to time. He quietly sips a glass of fine Eladrin wine, and continues to eye his surroundings surreptitiously.
Butch, a Tiefling cleric, sits at another table with two other clerics from his order, Alain and Ana. Although originally from the Tiefling Sands, Butch moved to the White City when he was young to join the Order of the Clerics. He was the first Tiefling to ever graduate from the school, although he is still seen as an outcast by many of the ignorant townsfolk who view the Tiefling as inherently evil. He sips a glass of water, reviewing in his mind the Chant of Dinterion, an ancient ritual that has been chanted by his order at every Dwarrodellian Pact for generations.
Justin, a Human Paladin, sits at the bar alone, drinking an ale. He was born in the White City and became a Paladin, a defender of the Church of Aeradeva, when he was young. Today, after morning prayers, he is supposed to meet in the Castle of Clialos for the blessing, but has decided to stop for a quick drink. Lately he has been questioning his role in the Aeradevan order, and wants to clear his mind before running over to meet with the rest of the Paladins.
The bar is alive with laughter and drunkenness. Chris, out of the corner of his eye, notices a particularily drunk group of Elves walking over to the Dwarven side of the bar. Baern and Orsik get up to go "drain the little dwarves", leaving Bill by himself.
A drunken Elf walks up to Bill. "I hear you have been insulting my people, pudgy," he says.
What do you do?
Justin, you notice the volume increasing near the lone Dwarf. You are upset by this turn of events, and walk over to the druken elf.
What do you do?
Zul, you see the human and dwarf ganging up on the drunken elf from the distance. You have always fought for the little guy, and go up to Justin.
What do you do?
Justin, what do you do?
The fight begins! Tables are overturned and can provide cover for your character. Cups, bottles, and silverware are littered on the floor and can be thrown at leisure.
Butch, your temper is flaring, much to the dismay of your fellow Clerics. You are free to attack anyone.
Chris, you see an opportunity sneak in and possibly steal some information, if not a little GP for yourself. You are free to attack anyone.
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LEVEL 2 ENCOUNTER (TOTAL XP GAINED = 625, PER CHARACTER = 125 (depending)):
- 3 Elf Scouts
- 2 Elf Archers
cover = penalties to ranged attackers (must need clear shot)
thrown item = make an attack roll (1d10 +3), check for cover
(remember, [DM 42] has common DCs)
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The fight ends, with the Elves (or you) bloodied and lying on the floor. As soon as the fight is over, however, Clialos guards run into the bar with their swords drawn. They are powerful guardians - engaging them would surely spell your death.
The Captain steps forward and surveys the scene. "Alright then. Anyone care to explain what's going on here?" He turns to Bill. "Well? What say you, Dwarf?"
FAIL: Bill is promptly knocked out and tied up.
He then turns to Zul. "Well, how about you, you vile lizard?"
FAIL: A guard pulls out a crossbow and shoots you in the leg. You get sleepy, and fall over asleep.
"I've had enough of this! Arrest them all!"
Hm. It seems a bit set on rails to me. I mean... it seems there are a lot of points and consequences that occur no matter what the characters do. At one point it looks like you are on the border of forcing a PCs actions.
yeah i see your point. this was more for setting up the characters and establishing the storyline, though, so i kind of intended it to be a bit more linear.
the first true dungeon would be right after this "scene" and would be more open.
All your description could then be read as a flashback, the memory as they regain consciousness. The problem with this setup is it's a long stretch of time where the player's actions don't really matter and it's all setup. While this type of setup is workable in a video game or a movie, it's less enjoyable in a tabletop game where part of its strength as a medium is the ability to shape the events. Why would a player want to go through this prolonged DM setup? Just tell them what they need to get to the "real" starting point where the players matter and they can have a role in telling the story.
Hm. It seems a bit set on rails to me. I mean... it seems there are a lot of points and consequences that occur no matter what the characters do. At one point it looks like you are on the border of forcing a PCs actions.
yeah i see your point. this was more for setting up the characters and establishing the storyline, though, so i kind of intended it to be a bit more linear.
the first true dungeon would be right after this "scene" and would be more open.
If you really want to setup a core story line, then don't be afraid to run the first adventure on rails. Running on rails often gets a bad name, but a true story-based campaign often has to have at least some portion of rails content otherwise the DM basically becomes an encounter-generator. On the other hand don't forget that you're just supplying the main plotpoints and the players fill in the rest.
Based upon what you've written here you could probably start the fight via the drunken elf, but I wouldn't force the other players to join in. More than likely they'll join in on their own once the first player starts fighting, but depending upon your group they might also get creative and do something else. You probably know your group well enough to make an educated guess on what they'll do. If, as another poster asked, you're really trying to get them all in jail, then will they get there by themselves? If the answers yes then run the barfight encounter, but if the answer's no then I'll second the motion to start the campaign with them waking up in a cell with a hangover.
so, if i was to start the fight, would i have to ask each player "what do you do?" or would i just use a blanket "everyone can do what they will" kind of statement?
the wording gets confusing for me i guess
Hm. It seems a bit set on rails to me. I mean... it seems there are a lot of points and consequences that occur no matter what the characters do. At one point it looks like you are on the border of forcing a PCs actions.
yeah i see your point. this was more for setting up the characters and establishing the storyline, though, so i kind of intended it to be a bit more linear.
the first true dungeon would be right after this "scene" and would be more open.
If you really want to setup a core story line, then don't be afraid to run the first adventure on rails. Running on rails often gets a bad name, but a true story-based campaign often has to have at least some portion of rails content otherwise the DM basically becomes an encounter-generator. On the other hand don't forget that you're just supplying the main plotpoints and the players fill in the rest.
Based upon what you've written here you could probably start the fight via the drunken elf, but I wouldn't force the other players to join in. More than likely they'll join in on their own once the first player starts fighting, but depending upon your group they might also get creative and do something else. You probably know your group well enough to make an educated guess on what they'll do. If, as another poster asked, you're really trying to get them all in jail, then will they get there by themselves? If the answers yes then run the barfight encounter, but if the answer's no then I'll second the motion to start the campaign with them waking up in a cell with a hangover.
No. Have to disagree there. Positioning or altering events to run along the player's decisions and actions is a much better method in my opinion. As in, it's okay to have a determined number of specific plot points as long as you have What If alternatives and an opened ended flow.
If you really want to setup a core story line, then don't be afraid to run the first adventure on rails. Running on rails often gets a bad name, but a true story-based campaign often has to have at least some portion of rails content otherwise the DM basically becomes an encounter-generator. On the other hand don't forget that you're just supplying the main plotpoints and the players fill in the rest.
No. Have to disagree there. Positioning or altering events to run along the player's decisions and actions is a much better method in my opinion. As in, it's okay to have a determined number of specific plot points as long as you have What If alternatives and an opened ended flow.
Right, that's what I was saying. The DM knows the main plot points that need to be hit and while the players make their decisions and actions on their own, every so often the DM has to ensure the story continues and/or stays on track. If you need to alter the plot points to make them fit, then so be it. You can think of it as moving the rails to the players rather than forcing the players back to *your* rails, but to me that's just semantics. For that brief moment the story is on a rail.
so, if i was to start the fight, would i have to ask each player "what do you do?" or would i just use a blanket "everyone can do what they will" kind of statement?
the wording gets confusing for me i guess
I usually start with "What do you do?" and if they have trouble deciding then I give them suggestions. "Well, you could join the fight, you could watch and see what happens for a round, you could ..." Again, depends on your group.
If you really want to setup a core story line, then don't be afraid to run the first adventure on rails. Running on rails often gets a bad name, but a true story-based campaign often has to have at least some portion of rails content otherwise the DM basically becomes an encounter-generator. On the other hand don't forget that you're just supplying the main plotpoints and the players fill in the rest.
No. Have to disagree there. Positioning or altering events to run along the player's decisions and actions is a much better method in my opinion. As in, it's okay to have a determined number of specific plot points as long as you have What If alternatives and an opened ended flow.
Right, that's what I was saying. The DM knows the main plot points that need to be hit and while the players make their decisions and actions on their own, every so often the DM has to ensure the story continues and/or stays on track. If you need to alter the plot points to make them fit, then so be it. You can think of it as moving the rails to the players rather than forcing the players back to *your* rails, but to me that's just semantics. For that brief moment the story is on a rail.so, if i was to start the fight, would i have to ask each player "what do you do?" or would i just use a blanket "everyone can do what they will" kind of statement?
the wording gets confusing for me i guess
I usually start with "What do you do?" and if they have trouble deciding then I give them suggestions. "Well, you could join the fight, you could watch and see what happens for a round, you could ..." Again, depends on your group.
Ah. Okay I just misunderstood then. I was talking about railroading in a more extreme sense. Like the moment where it seemed he was controlling the PC actions. Maybe he wasn't and I misread it. Speaking of on rails... this is veering off the original track of the post. So last of it I'll bring up.
Ah. Okay I just misunderstood then. I was talking about railroading in a more extreme sense. Like the moment where it seemed he was controlling the PC actions. Maybe he wasn't and I misread it. Speaking of on rails... this is veering off the original track of the post. So last of it I'll bring up.
s'all good. i'm definitely learning about how to get players to interact.
i'll post the revised version too. any other pitfalls i should try to avoid that are common for rookie DMs?
Ah. Okay I just misunderstood then. I was talking about railroading in a more extreme sense. Like the moment where it seemed he was controlling the PC actions. Maybe he wasn't and I misread it. Speaking of on rails... this is veering off the original track of the post. So last of it I'll bring up.
s'all good. i'm definitely learning about how to get players to interact.
i'll post the revised version too. any other pitfalls i should try to avoid that are common for rookie DMs?
I can't really think of anything that isn't covered in a number of DMGs or GMGs. As a GM I tend to ignore the "What do you do?" question. I've never been a fan of using it in a general fashion. MAybe it's just my playgroup. They usually have actions and responses panned out before I have to ask.