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#1 larry_the_cleric_guy Jul 22, 2013 1:19:42

Allow me some time to recall the tale of the worst quest I have ever played, and probably ever will play. I can't quite remember all of it, and some of it I wasn't even present for, but I played in every session from start to end except for 2. The DM of this quest I will simply refer to as Ippi. This was his first time DMing, and John and I figured it couldn't be too bad. John is our usual DM. The whole thing began with Ippi telling us about his setting. There was steampunk-style technology mostly found in the larger cities of the world, and there was a lot of controversy in thos areas because some were technologically enhancing their bodies, going as far as to make themselves into warforged. I decided to play a half-giant living out in the country, and John decided to play a Charr from the big city that had a mechanical arm due to losing his natural one in war. We started the quest in my character's hometown, a town named Cake that rested on the shore of a lava lake, and Ippi decided my backstory for me. I was the son of a powerful mob boss whose syndicate specialized in slave trade and drug transport. I was being sent with the next shp over the lava lake to make sure everything got where it was going safely. John's character was in town for some military business, and he was assigned (by his military) to help us with this illegal transport. The concept seemed pretty out there and goofy, but that was fine with me and John. If only we had known what was coming in the next few weeks. Once our barge started the trip across the Lake of Cake the soldiers informed us of a fearsome beast in the lava called a Caketupus. (basically a colossal Kraken that lived in lava.) A short while later the ship was attacked by fire beasts from the lake, but John and I were the only two on the ship to actually go and fight them. As soon as the fighting finished the soldier came from below deck to see what was going on. Now the Caketupus being a giant over-done Kraken and the soldiers not helping us in combat may seem unimportant, but they were just the start of two trends that Ippi kept up all quest. He loved to make something better than whatever the books contained, (The Caketupus being a way stronger Kraken) and his NPCs never helped the party, they only hurting us. (The soldiers will not be the last friendly NPCs that refuse to help in combat.) Our ship gets destroyed by the Caketupus, but we somehow survive along with the slaves we were to transport. So we started to hoof it to the nearest town to re-supply and get directions to where we're going. Along the way we came across a caravan of bandits run by a woman named Kerune. She was apparently the queen of all bandits, so we decided to turn our slaves over to her caravan because they had enough supplies to keep them, unlike us. Kerune was the first that we saw of one of Ippi's recurring super NPCs that are all-powerful. She didn't seem it at first, but we learned more about her later. John and I finally got to town after getting rid of those slaves. John approached the first person we saw, a cloaked gnome, and when John tapped him on the shoulder he was paralyzed. (No save, or anything!) The gome then started pacing around John, talking about doing necromatic experiments on him. I intervened by putting my hand on the gnome's shoulder and telling him that we didn't want trouble. He paralyzed me too. No spellcasting, no saves, all bullshit. The gnome then freed us both and informed us that we were in a town inhabited by mostly necromancers. Necromancy was totally accepted here, and most people walked around with their undead body guards and servants. John and I knew that we couldn't show up to where we were going without the slaves, so we decided to capture some new ones before moving on from this town. To gather information, we went to a tavern named Girr's Den. The innkeeper was a Charr named Girr that was very popular among the townspeople. A local nightclub owner dressed like a pimp came to us once we started asking about potential slaves and informed us of these creatures called the Fey Sisters. There was a Fey of Fire, Fey of Light, Fey of Force, and Fey of Death. We were told that we could find them in a nearby dungeon. Now when I talk about this nightclub, I mean a modern-style nightclub. Ippi mentioned that he had steampunk-style tech, but this was the first example we saw of modern technology, and it wouldn't be the last. John and I set out to find these Fey Sisters in their dungeon. We found the dungeon with little problem, but this was the end of the first session. This first session didn't have any real apparent problems. It was pretty far-fetched and silly, but that was expected from Ippi. However, it only went downhill in the following months, getting more and more ridiculous as it went on.