Help with a storyline - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

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#1 jammerlammy Feb 26, 2009 10:23:44	Hey, I've been a long time lurker, but first time poster here on the Wizards forum, I have been playing Pen & Paper games for about a year and a half now, recently my friend bought the D20 Modern Core book, He asked me to run a campaign for him and a few friends, so I set about writing one, having never written a scenario myself before ( I have run published ones and ones written by friends) Im looking for some critque for my storyline, I cant ask any of my friends who could be helpful, bacuse they are all taking part in the game! So here it is; Its setting is mid-sixties London, with the players working for one of the most notorius & feared gangsters in England. Please excuse and spelling or grammatical errors, I haven't had time to check through entirely to catch them, and the occasional profanity (I tend to swear at myself when writing) Brighton for the Weekend. Era: Mid-sixties london Boss of the Players Gang Harry "Fingers' Foreman, has a wild junkie daughter Elisabeth or 'Lizzie' to her junkie friends who steals her dads most prized possesion (small ivory statue of venus or something similar) and legs it with her waster musican boyfriend, the son of a rival gang boss(yardies?), players are sent to find her and the statue and bring them back to the boss before the yardies find the couple and ransom the daughter. The players must investigate her whearabouts and are sent to her college to find lizzie's friends, a bunch of hippie pseudo-intellectuals who hate 'the man', one of the girls friends tell eventually them she went to brighton to get away from her dad. While talking, the players are confronted by a rival yardie gang (led by the brother of the girls boyfriend) who are looking for the couple too., que. Confrontation on University Courtyard with the yardies. Players go up to brighton and confront daughter at party (Stones Concert?), Boyfriend starts to get rough with them, and pulls a gun(or knife) and is killed, Lizzy refuses to leave with them because they killed her boyfriend(and shes stoned off her **), so they will have to drag her along. On the way out, the yardies arrive, see dead boss's son and start a shootout in the party. Players have to fight the yardies In the panicking crowd and keep the daughter safe. Once they are free of the yardies and coppers (Who will arrive eventually), they revive the girl and find out about the statue, which the girl traded to the mods for coke and amphetamines (The statues style fits with Mods wierd emalgamated victorian-esque stylings) Meet with mods at their hangout, a suave swinging sixties club, who refuse the return of the statue without payment, they suggest a favor, crashing a local rocker club/bar robbing it and burning it down. Players have to preform a heist and clean out the rockers. (mayber rocker fight) but when they get back to the mods hangout with the dosh, they find the mods dead and the girl gone. The yardies found and kidnapped the girl taking her back to london to ransom. The players have the statue, but not the daughter and now have to go and use the money from the rocker heist to try and barter for the girl. Showdown in the docklands for the exchange. Everyone is very tense, and exchanges is going down, until the roar of motorbike engines, and the exchange is ambushed by the rockers looking for revenge for the robbery. They come in guns blazing, the yardies think it is a double cross, so start shooting at the players, the rockers shoot at the players, the yardies shoot at the rockers, and then the mods show up, looking to avenge their dead friends, wild-eyed and crazy on pills and start shooting at everyone. Players have to grab the girl and protect her while trying to escape the cluster. Closing scene: Players finally return to their headquarters, with the statue and the boss's daughter in tow, meet with boss and hand both over, boss thanks them, and critisizes daughter for being a waster, etc. Then pulls a pistol and puts a bullet in her head, to the shock of the players. Saying "**in' waste of space, this one" Cleans the blood spatter off the statue, explaining that he was sick of her being such a liability and wanted to be the one to put her out, "since I am her dad n' all".
#2 DwarfFighter Feb 26, 2009 15:55:59	A nice 60's feel to it - I like that. The touch with having the PCs rob the rocker's club as a favour to the mods, just to find that the yardies have taken them out when they come back - very nice. Some of the crucial milestones seem to have fairly pre-defined outcomes or events that will happen. You may need to take into account that the PCs will attempt (and likely succeed) in producing an alternative outcome. One technique that tends to do the job is the cut-scene, in which you describe events that happen away from the PC's presence. For example, as the PCs are on their way to the party/concert in Brighton, just as they arrive on the scene the yardies and the boy-friend have their fight. You describe the fight and cue the PCs to action once you have established the important events. The ending is a bit grizzly, and doesn't seem very plausible. A 60s gang boss that executes his own daughter for being a drug-addict? I guess if the daughter had been a son instead, and he had been involved in a homosexual relationship, that might drive the boss over the edge if you take into account the morals of the decade. Just a thought if you want to keep that ending in. -DF Edit: Oh, and I assume that it's pretty clear to all that killing your own child for being a homosexual is not acceptable behaviour.
#3 jammerlammy Feb 27, 2009 5:18:46	Thanks for the Suggestion DF, Replacing the daughter with a homosexual son actually suits the ending better,it is more in tune with the morals of the time, and retrospectively makes the son joining up with the mods easier to fathom ( From what I've been told, mods of the time were prone to sexual expirementation, and from vauge conversations describing A Clockwork Orange they were rather camp & effeminate) As for the pre-detirmined outcomes for each segments, I was just trying to outline where I would like the story to go, Im a little unsure how I would facilitate many different outcomes for the storyline. Obviouslsy writing up every possible outcome is silly. :D I was kind of hoping to "gently nudge" the players in the direction of the plot. Oh, and as for the gritty ending, when I asked the players-to-be what kind of game they were looking to play, they immediately all wanted to be criminals, and wanted, to quote one "to play a game that plays like a Guy Ritchie movie if he lost his sense of humour"

Brighton for the Weekend.

Era: Mid-sixties london

Boss of the Players Gang Harry "Fingers' Foreman, has a wild junkie daughter Elisabeth or 'Lizzie' to her junkie friends who steals her dads most prized possesion (small ivory statue of venus or something similar) and legs it with her waster musican boyfriend, the son of a rival gang boss(yardies?), players are sent to find her and the statue and bring them back to the boss before the yardies find the couple and ransom the daughter.

The players must investigate her whearabouts and are sent to her college to find lizzie's friends, a bunch of hippie pseudo-intellectuals who hate 'the man', one of the girls friends tell eventually them she went to brighton to get away from her dad. While talking, the players are confronted by a rival yardie gang (led by the brother of the girls boyfriend) who are looking for the couple too., que. Confrontation on University Courtyard with the yardies. Players go up to brighton and confront daughter at party (Stones Concert?), Boyfriend starts to get rough with them, and pulls a gun(or knife) and is killed, Lizzy refuses to leave with them because they killed her boyfriend(and shes stoned off her ****), so they will have to drag her along. On the way out, the yardies arrive, see dead boss's son and start a shootout in the party. Players have to fight the yardies In the panicking crowd and keep the daughter safe. Once they are free of the yardies and coppers (Who will arrive eventually), they revive the girl and find out about the statue, which the girl traded to the mods for coke and amphetamines (The statues style fits with Mods wierd emalgamated victorian-esque stylings)

Meet with mods at their hangout, a suave swinging sixties club, who refuse the return of the statue without payment, they suggest a favor, crashing a local rocker club/bar robbing it and burning it down. Players have to preform a heist and clean out the rockers. (mayber rocker fight) but when they get back to the mods hangout with the dosh, they find the mods dead and the girl gone. The yardies found and kidnapped the girl taking her back to london to ransom. The players have the statue, but not the daughter and now have to go and use the money from the rocker heist to try and barter for the girl.

Showdown in the docklands for the exchange. Everyone is very tense, and exchanges is going down, until the roar of motorbike engines, and the exchange is ambushed by the rockers looking for revenge for the robbery. They come in guns blazing, the yardies think it is a double cross, so start shooting at the players, the rockers shoot at the players, the yardies shoot at the rockers, and then the mods show up, looking to avenge their dead friends, wild-eyed and crazy on pills and start shooting at everyone. Players have to grab the girl and protect her while trying to escape the cluster****.

Closing scene:

Players finally return to their headquarters, with the statue and the boss's daughter in tow, meet with boss and hand both over, boss thanks them, and critisizes daughter for being a waster, etc. Then pulls a pistol and puts a bullet in her head, to the shock of the players. Saying "****in' waste of space, this one" Cleans the blood spatter off the statue, explaining that he was sick of her being such a liability and wanted to be the one to put her out, "since I am her dad n' all".