Need some ideas for "pun" items - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

Need some ideas for "pun" items

Post/Author/DateTime Post
#1
bonemeal
Aug 02, 2010 3:10:23 I'm doing a semi-realistic post-apocalyptic setting, but to keep things from getting too dark in tone, I'm trying to add some items with some flavor and utility, but based around a punny/humorous theme. Here's what I have so far, and feel free to add to it:

The Hammer of Time
A standard sledgehammer with a couple cool modifications. First, it has a shotgun pump on the neck of the handle. Pump it once as a move action and the next attack gets +1d6 electric damage added to it. But the namesake comes in when someone hits the button atop the old-timey pocketwatch fixed to the bottom of the handle, causing the wielder to jump forward in time (1 use/day).

"Le Tigre"
A magnum crafted of blue steel. Makes the wielder really, really, really, really, really incredibly good-looking. +2 str, +2 dex, +2 cha, -2 int, -2 wis to the wielder. Can stop projectiles in front of the wielder for one round (1 use/day).

Ice T
At first glance it looks like it might be a crucifix that got separated from a church somewhere, but upon closer inspection, you're sure it has absolutely no religious significance whatsoever; it's just a lower-case t. Also, it's incredibly, incredibly cold all the time, seemingly for no reason (-40C).

A meat cleaver named "Wally"
This meat cleaver (+1 dagger) with the name "Wally" engraved in the hilt is aptly named. It grants the wielder the Cleave feat. It also makes the wielder feel much more wholesome and family-oriented, for some reason, granting them a +5 bonus to Diplomacy and Sense Motive rolls.

Any other suggestions would be most appreciated!
#2
TheRealOrion
Aug 02, 2010 3:48:33 "Staff of Striking": when you attack with it, it rises into the air and displays a sign reading "On Strike for Unfair Wages."

"Can of Whoop-Ass": when drunk, provides Str/Con +5 and Int/Wis -5; drinker gabbers uncontrollably the whole time

"Warm Gun": imparts happiness, so much so that you can't bring yourself to shoot anyone

"Blue Suede Shoes": +10 to Perform (dance), unless someone steps on them
#3
bonemeal
Aug 02, 2010 16:25:35 Interesting. I'll think about those! In the meantime, check out a couple more I thought of:

The Paternity Suit
This dashing wool suit has been treated with pheromones, making the wearer irresistible to women. Anyone wearing the paternity suit is treated as having a CHA of 18 for all charisma-based checks against women. And in case you need to get those inhibitions even lower, the cuff-links each have a DC 18 poison. The left has a -1d6 WIS poison (for lowering those inhibitions), and the right has a -1d6 CHA poison ("she couldn't say no!").

Solar Plexus
Finding sustenance is hard in this inhospitable post-apocalyptic wasteland. So why not let a fusion of science and nature take care of that for you? The Solar Plexus is an array of solar panels that is surgically grafted to the abdomen to provide everything a growing boy needs. As long as the wearer gets an hour of direct sunlight a day, they reap all the benefits of nature's own diet plan: photosynthesis. Think of all the time you'll save without having to interrupt your busy sunbathing schedule to chow down!
#4
Soulsbane
Sep 09, 2010 14:49:44 the 'Belt of Trans-Gender' is always a funny one: This belt changes the wearer's gender instantly and adds a Charisma bonus of +4.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 bonemeal Aug 02, 2010 3:10:23	I'm doing a semi-realistic post-apocalyptic setting, but to keep things from getting too dark in tone, I'm trying to add some items with some flavor and utility, but based around a punny/humorous theme. Here's what I have so far, and feel free to add to it: The Hammer of Time A standard sledgehammer with a couple cool modifications. First, it has a shotgun pump on the neck of the handle. Pump it once as a move action and the next attack gets +1d6 electric damage added to it. But the namesake comes in when someone hits the button atop the old-timey pocketwatch fixed to the bottom of the handle, causing the wielder to jump forward in time (1 use/day). "Le Tigre" A magnum crafted of blue steel. Makes the wielder really, really, really, really, really incredibly good-looking. +2 str, +2 dex, +2 cha, -2 int, -2 wis to the wielder. Can stop projectiles in front of the wielder for one round (1 use/day). Ice T At first glance it looks like it might be a crucifix that got separated from a church somewhere, but upon closer inspection, you're sure it has absolutely no religious significance whatsoever; it's just a lower-case t. Also, it's incredibly, incredibly cold all the time, seemingly for no reason (-40C). A meat cleaver named "Wally" This meat cleaver (+1 dagger) with the name "Wally" engraved in the hilt is aptly named. It grants the wielder the Cleave feat. It also makes the wielder feel much more wholesome and family-oriented, for some reason, granting them a +5 bonus to Diplomacy and Sense Motive rolls. Any other suggestions would be most appreciated!
#2 TheRealOrion Aug 02, 2010 3:48:33	"Staff of Striking": when you attack with it, it rises into the air and displays a sign reading "On Strike for Unfair Wages." "Can of Whoop-Ass": when drunk, provides Str/Con +5 and Int/Wis -5; drinker gabbers uncontrollably the whole time "Warm Gun": imparts happiness, so much so that you can't bring yourself to shoot anyone "Blue Suede Shoes": +10 to Perform (dance), unless someone steps on them
#3 bonemeal Aug 02, 2010 16:25:35	Interesting. I'll think about those! In the meantime, check out a couple more I thought of: The Paternity Suit This dashing wool suit has been treated with pheromones, making the wearer irresistible to women. Anyone wearing the paternity suit is treated as having a CHA of 18 for all charisma-based checks against women. And in case you need to get those inhibitions even lower, the cuff-links each have a DC 18 poison. The left has a -1d6 WIS poison (for lowering those inhibitions), and the right has a -1d6 CHA poison ("she couldn't say no!"). Solar Plexus Finding sustenance is hard in this inhospitable post-apocalyptic wasteland. So why not let a fusion of science and nature take care of that for you? The Solar Plexus is an array of solar panels that is surgically grafted to the abdomen to provide everything a growing boy needs. As long as the wearer gets an hour of direct sunlight a day, they reap all the benefits of nature's own diet plan: photosynthesis. Think of all the time you'll save without having to interrupt your busy sunbathing schedule to chow down!
#4 Soulsbane Sep 09, 2010 14:49:44	the 'Belt of Trans-Gender' is always a funny one: This belt changes the wearer's gender instantly and adds a Charisma bonus of +4.