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...Snoring...?

Post/Author/DateTime Post
#1
koesherbacon
Mar 16, 2009 6:51:28 Okay. I'm probably in the wrong section. But, I might be in the right one.

Looking for advice... on how to tell my fiance that her snoring has gotten so bad lately I can't fall asleep and/or stay asleep.

Granted, I have a chronic pain condition from severe nerve damage and on many nights I can't fall asleep anyways despite the medication I take. But even after taking all my sleep/bedtime medication I can't fall asleep or stay asleep because her snoring has been getting so loud lately. I can tell you already that she won't go to a doctor about this because she's a little stubborn and does not want to spend the money on something so frivolous.

Anybody have any advice for me?

Many thanks to all you in Astrid's Parlor! I really apreciate any advice you can share
#2
saintkeeleon
Mar 16, 2009 9:09:29 I think this might belong in the Off Topic Tavern actually. Here's some advice either way.

Go to the doctor, or even a medical supply store like Lincare or Apria. They will have brochures on things like sleep apnea and things of that nature.

I would take a few of these and bring them home and lay them about. When she asks, tell her that you're concerned about her not breathing well at night, and you went for some information.

Then look through the leaflets and decide together if you think a doctor's visit is necessary.

The brochures almost invariably have "If you let this go, this could happen" terror type stuff that may actually scare her into seeing a doc.
#3
karatekari
Mar 16, 2009 10:29:43 Have you tried kicking/poking her to make her stop? That's what I do to my husband, whose snoring is atrocious. :P

You could also consider picking up some Breathe Right strips; I keep threatening to do so but haven't ever followed through, so I can't make any personal recommendations, but I'm told they work well.

As for how to tell her... I'm inclined to say that she's your fiancee, which means you ought to know better than us how to broach the subject, and you also ought to be able to be honest with her.

Tell her that, while she might not care about her snoring, it's adversely affecting you. Offer a possible solution that doesn't involve a doctor's visit, like the Breathe Right strips. Ask her to give it a try, for your sake.
#4
pigknight
Mar 16, 2009 10:37:24 1) Record her snoring.
2) Play it to her.
3) Show her a box of those strips.
4) ????
5) Profit!
#5
That_Blasted_Somoflange
Mar 16, 2009 10:44:41
1) Record her snoring.
2) Play it to her.
3) Show her a box of those strips.
4) ????
5) Profit!

Hey... I actually know the answer to number 4 for once...

'You sell the engagement ring you gave her when you get it back, 'cause after doing that you won't need it'
#6
lofgren
Mar 16, 2009 10:47:40 If she is a heavy sleeper who likes to sleep close, this might work. I just put my arm over my wife if she is snoring too loud. She will generally snuggle closer instinctively, causing her to turn on her side and stopping the snoring. After a minute or so I just retreat back to my side of the bed. She's completely unaware of this. Only problem is that it doesn't work when she's taking sleeping pills.

You should definitely still talk to her about it when she's awake, but the ol' drape and roll might help in situ, as it were.
#7
erato
Mar 16, 2009 11:08:23 Just tell her. Say "your snoring has gotten so bad lately that I have trouble falling asleep". That should be the easy part. The hard part is figuring out what to do about it. Maybe you should look up treatments, or just other ways to make the snoring decrease (when my boyfriend snore, I shake or push him to get him to lie differently, and it usually stops after that), or maybe you should do what one of the most famous sex-therapists in my country does, and have separate beds for sleeping in, and a third bed for sex ;) People sleep better alone, after all (or rather, women supposedly sleep better alone, men sleep better with women, but since you're the one bothered by it, it might work for both of you). Or you could try earplugs. No matter what, telling her that she's snoring shouldn't be an issue.

Also, I think this belongs in the off-topic tavern.
#8
lofgren
Mar 16, 2009 11:23:12
women supposedly sleep better alone, men sleep better with women

That's the opposite of what I've heard. Men sleep better alone, women sleep fine either way is what I have heard.
#9
KillerGM
Mar 16, 2009 11:34:19 I hope you find an answer. Breathe Right strips have helped a few people I know (even me, when I was pregnant and had the "pregnancy cold").

However, this has nothing to do with D&D, so I'm going to request it be moved to the OTT.
#10
zombie_babies
Mar 16, 2009 12:13:20 Well, I feel your pain. My fiancee snores terribly. I take otc sleep meds and they don't always work. Waking her up rarely helps because she's the type that can fall asleep in seconds and I take a bit longer to doze off so she's at it again before I drift off. The strips also failed to work as did elevating her head. Nothing works. She may be going to see a sleep specialist or whatever eventually. It's damned bad. When she has a loud night, earplugs generally work. If I'm stressed about something and she's snoring loudly, though, not even they help. The only sure-fire guaranteed 100% effective method I've found has been to get completely hammered drunk. That works well enough. But then I tend to snore when I'm plastered .... ;)
#11
Panartias
Mar 16, 2009 13:57:34 Its seems to me, that she is a bit embarrassed about it - probably because it is acceptable for men to snore but not for women (not feminine?! :P )

And even if it is not enough to establish a pattern, I couldn't help to notice, that the guys "lovingly" placed and arm around her girl to get her to turn, while the girls just pushed or kicked her man...;)

From my personal experience: My mom and my dad always used to accuse each other of snoring, while denying the possibility that they would snore themselves. I have witnessed what really happens: They both snore! One starts, and the other counters a bit louder - and so they continue to edge each other on until someone wakes up (because it is so damn loud) and pushes or kicks the other. And 2 minutes later it starts all over again.
#12
r.m.g.c.l.f._dup
Mar 16, 2009 14:19:41 To quote Terry Pratchett,

"A married couple consists of two people, each of whom is prepared to swear that only one of them snores."
#13
pigknight
Mar 16, 2009 14:47:41 Is it weird that I find snoring girls sexy?
#14
zombie_babies
Mar 16, 2009 15:01:23 Taking the fact that you're a piggy into account, no, no it isn't.
#15
Panartias
Mar 16, 2009 15:42:55
To quote Terry Pratchett,

"A married couple consists of two people, each of whom is prepared to swear that only one of them snores."

You've simply got to love Terry!!! I read most of his stuff, but this little gem somehow escaped me....
#16
koesherbacon
Mar 16, 2009 16:37:23 My appologies for posing in the wrong forum. If/when this gets moved, thanks in advance mods.

Is it weird that I find snoring girls sexy?

Yea, that's a little weird. I mean, her little sleepy cooing is cute. But the full snortular snoring is a little difficult to sleep with!

Last night it even got so bad the dog got up and went downstairs! When I told her that, she laughed, and we're going to get those breath right strips. We'll see if they work for us. Thanks for the advice
#17
dirtyfrank
Mar 17, 2009 1:13:16 When things get too loud when I'm trying to sleep, I just use ear plugs. They have been working quite fine for me.
#18
bussy
Mar 18, 2009 21:02:10 I just wanted to add something. Hope that's alright.

My husband snored for years, but both he and I thought it was normal. His grandpa and my Dad were both the type that fell asleep after work in the recliner and snored louder than the TV. So both of us had grown up with snorers. What we discovered though was that my husband had sleep apnea which ended up being the number one contributor to his heart attack at age 36. The Dr said his body and especially heart hadn't gotten any real rest in probably 6-10 years. After getting out of the hospital and recovering from 2 stent implants, he had the sleep studies done and was fitted with a CPAP machine and mask of his choosing, (they have lots of kinds.) The first morning after wearing it, he was immediately like a new man. His grandpa (the recliner snorer) was recently tested as well and now wears a mask. His wife said his mind is sharp like it used to be and he has a lot more energy - and we had all been worried we were losing him to Alzheimer's

Recently my husband's last mask was chewed up by the new puppy and we haven't gotten it replaced yet. Already we can tell the difference. He's tired all the time, falls asleep in the passenger seat of the car even just going to the store down the road.

I wanted to tell our story because I read you say something about it being "frivolous". Please take it seriously even if she won't. That's all.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 koesherbacon Mar 16, 2009 6:51:28	Okay. I'm probably in the wrong section. But, I might be in the right one. Looking for advice... on how to tell my fiance that her snoring has gotten so bad lately I can't fall asleep and/or stay asleep. Granted, I have a chronic pain condition from severe nerve damage and on many nights I can't fall asleep anyways despite the medication I take. But even after taking all my sleep/bedtime medication I can't fall asleep or stay asleep because her snoring has been getting so loud lately. I can tell you already that she won't go to a doctor about this because she's a little stubborn and does not want to spend the money on something so frivolous. Anybody have any advice for me? Many thanks to all you in Astrid's Parlor! I really apreciate any advice you can share
#2 saintkeeleon Mar 16, 2009 9:09:29	I think this might belong in the Off Topic Tavern actually. Here's some advice either way. Go to the doctor, or even a medical supply store like Lincare or Apria. They will have brochures on things like sleep apnea and things of that nature. I would take a few of these and bring them home and lay them about. When she asks, tell her that you're concerned about her not breathing well at night, and you went for some information. Then look through the leaflets and decide together if you think a doctor's visit is necessary. The brochures almost invariably have "If you let this go, this could happen" terror type stuff that may actually scare her into seeing a doc.
#3 karatekari Mar 16, 2009 10:29:43	Have you tried kicking/poking her to make her stop? That's what I do to my husband, whose snoring is atrocious. :P You could also consider picking up some Breathe Right strips; I keep threatening to do so but haven't ever followed through, so I can't make any personal recommendations, but I'm told they work well. As for how to tell her... I'm inclined to say that she's your fiancee, which means you ought to know better than us how to broach the subject, and you also ought to be able to be honest with her. Tell her that, while she might not care about her snoring, it's adversely affecting you. Offer a possible solution that doesn't involve a doctor's visit, like the Breathe Right strips. Ask her to give it a try, for your sake.
#4 pigknight Mar 16, 2009 10:37:24	1) Record her snoring. 2) Play it to her. 3) Show her a box of those strips. 4) ???? 5) Profit!
#5 That_Blasted_Somoflange Mar 16, 2009 10:44:41	1) Record her snoring. 2) Play it to her. 3) Show her a box of those strips. 4) ???? 5) Profit! Hey... I actually know the answer to number 4 for once... 'You sell the engagement ring you gave her when you get it back, 'cause after doing that you won't need it'
#6 lofgren Mar 16, 2009 10:47:40	If she is a heavy sleeper who likes to sleep close, this might work. I just put my arm over my wife if she is snoring too loud. She will generally snuggle closer instinctively, causing her to turn on her side and stopping the snoring. After a minute or so I just retreat back to my side of the bed. She's completely unaware of this. Only problem is that it doesn't work when she's taking sleeping pills. You should definitely still talk to her about it when she's awake, but the ol' drape and roll might help in situ, as it were.
#7 erato Mar 16, 2009 11:08:23	Just tell her. Say "your snoring has gotten so bad lately that I have trouble falling asleep". That should be the easy part. The hard part is figuring out what to do about it. Maybe you should look up treatments, or just other ways to make the snoring decrease (when my boyfriend snore, I shake or push him to get him to lie differently, and it usually stops after that), or maybe you should do what one of the most famous sex-therapists in my country does, and have separate beds for sleeping in, and a third bed for sex ;) People sleep better alone, after all (or rather, women supposedly sleep better alone, men sleep better with women, but since you're the one bothered by it, it might work for both of you). Or you could try earplugs. No matter what, telling her that she's snoring shouldn't be an issue. Also, I think this belongs in the off-topic tavern.
#8 lofgren Mar 16, 2009 11:23:12	women supposedly sleep better alone, men sleep better with women That's the opposite of what I've heard. Men sleep better alone, women sleep fine either way is what I have heard.
#9 KillerGM Mar 16, 2009 11:34:19	I hope you find an answer. Breathe Right strips have helped a few people I know (even me, when I was pregnant and had the "pregnancy cold"). However, this has nothing to do with D&D, so I'm going to request it be moved to the OTT.
#10 zombie_babies Mar 16, 2009 12:13:20	Well, I feel your pain. My fiancee snores terribly. I take otc sleep meds and they don't always work. Waking her up rarely helps because she's the type that can fall asleep in seconds and I take a bit longer to doze off so she's at it again before I drift off. The strips also failed to work as did elevating her head. Nothing works. She may be going to see a sleep specialist or whatever eventually. It's damned bad. When she has a loud night, earplugs generally work. If I'm stressed about something and she's snoring loudly, though, not even they help. The only sure-fire guaranteed 100% effective method I've found has been to get completely hammered drunk. That works well enough. But then I tend to snore when I'm plastered .... ;)
#11 Panartias Mar 16, 2009 13:57:34	Its seems to me, that she is a bit embarrassed about it - probably because it is acceptable for men to snore but not for women (not feminine?! :P ) And even if it is not enough to establish a pattern, I couldn't help to notice, that the guys "lovingly" placed and arm around her girl to get her to turn, while the girls just pushed or kicked her man...;) From my personal experience: My mom and my dad always used to accuse each other of snoring, while denying the possibility that they would snore themselves. I have witnessed what really happens: They both snore! One starts, and the other counters a bit louder - and so they continue to edge each other on until someone wakes up (because it is so damn loud) and pushes or kicks the other. And 2 minutes later it starts all over again.
#12 r.m.g.c.l.f._dup Mar 16, 2009 14:19:41	To quote Terry Pratchett, "A married couple consists of two people, each of whom is prepared to swear that only one of them snores."
#13 pigknight Mar 16, 2009 14:47:41	Is it weird that I find snoring girls sexy?
#14 zombie_babies Mar 16, 2009 15:01:23	Taking the fact that you're a piggy into account, no, no it isn't.
#15 Panartias Mar 16, 2009 15:42:55	To quote Terry Pratchett, "A married couple consists of two people, each of whom is prepared to swear that only one of them snores." You've simply got to love Terry!!! I read most of his stuff, but this little gem somehow escaped me....
#16 koesherbacon Mar 16, 2009 16:37:23	My appologies for posing in the wrong forum. If/when this gets moved, thanks in advance mods. Is it weird that I find snoring girls sexy? Yea, that's a little weird. I mean, her little sleepy cooing is cute. But the full snortular snoring is a little difficult to sleep with! Last night it even got so bad the dog got up and went downstairs! When I told her that, she laughed, and we're going to get those breath right strips. We'll see if they work for us. Thanks for the advice
#17 dirtyfrank Mar 17, 2009 1:13:16	When things get too loud when I'm trying to sleep, I just use ear plugs. They have been working quite fine for me.
#18 bussy Mar 18, 2009 21:02:10	I just wanted to add something. Hope that's alright. My husband snored for years, but both he and I thought it was normal. His grandpa and my Dad were both the type that fell asleep after work in the recliner and snored louder than the TV. So both of us had grown up with snorers. What we discovered though was that my husband had sleep apnea which ended up being the number one contributor to his heart attack at age 36. The Dr said his body and especially heart hadn't gotten any real rest in probably 6-10 years. After getting out of the hospital and recovering from 2 stent implants, he had the sleep studies done and was fitted with a CPAP machine and mask of his choosing, (they have lots of kinds.) The first morning after wearing it, he was immediately like a new man. His grandpa (the recliner snorer) was recently tested as well and now wears a mask. His wife said his mind is sharp like it used to be and he has a lot more energy - and we had all been worried we were losing him to Alzheimer's Recently my husband's last mask was chewed up by the new puppy and we haven't gotten it replaced yet. Already we can tell the difference. He's tired all the time, falls asleep in the passenger seat of the car even just going to the store down the road. I wanted to tell our story because I read you say something about it being "frivolous". Please take it seriously even if she won't. That's all.