1001 good excuses... - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

1001 good excuses...

Post/Author/DateTime Post
#1
MrCelsius
Jun 07, 2010 4:05:51 ...with which to mask the reason I'm really getting blue-blind paralytic drunk at 4:05 on a Monday morning. GO!
#2
T-Mack
Jun 07, 2010 4:19:45 Your old war wound is acting up and this is the only way to kill the pain.

edit: like Frodo after Weathertop
#3
Idolis
Jun 07, 2010 11:19:19 Your dog died

Your sister's pregnant.

And my personal favorite:

Because I love you, Hunny!
#4
idhriniel
Jun 07, 2010 14:43:18 I wasn't drunk; my wife drugged me.

:O
#5
sevoo
Jun 07, 2010 16:46:13
...with which to mask the reason I'm really getting blue-blind paralytic drunk at 4:05 on a Monday morning. GO!

Somebody's gotta do quality assurance on the booze.
#6
MechaPilot
Jun 07, 2010 16:47:34 It's a selfless act to protect the many alcholics from temptation.
#7
death_isthe_begining
Jun 07, 2010 19:43:22 A friend you haven't seen in years turned up and invited you out to drinks and couldn't turn them down (assuming we're talking about 4:05 p.m.).

#8
Pinnacle
Jun 07, 2010 19:52:23 I didn't even know there was a 4:05 pm on Monday morning!
#9
theoriginalbigdaddy
Jun 07, 2010 19:55:46
"It increases strength and charisma by 1!" said while holding up two fingers. you cant count because it decreases intelligence by 1.
#10
Mad_Jack
Jun 08, 2010 4:09:08
You met a man who swore he found Jesus at the bottom of a tequila bottle, and you've decided to look for yourself...

#11
Robin_Hoodlum
Jun 08, 2010 7:31:33

You met a man who swore he found Jesus at the bottom of a tequila bottle, and you've decided to look for yourself...

This one wins!

LOL!
#12
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 8:23:58 If you really need an excuse - cuz, like, someone is pestering you or something, just say 'cuz I ****ing wanted to, that's why' and then break whatever bottle you're holding into an improvised weapon and threaten them with it until they forget all about your strangely timed drinking. Distraction FTW.
#13
boraxe
Jun 08, 2010 8:27:58 Without knowing the real reason, how can we know what would make the best excuse?
#14
death_isthe_begining
Jun 08, 2010 8:42:55 Another excuse could be one of your favorite authors/illustrators died recently, you felt the need for a drink and got carried away getting completely $h!tf@ced.
#15
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 13:55:17 ...Isn't there...someone who thays tha'its five oclock somehwhere? (Yes, the typos were to exaggerate drunkness.)
#16
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:00:24 Yes there is, but he is such a terrible musician that we simply must forget his moronic line of reasoning. And any covers are done by inherently stupid people (why cover a terrible song) and therefore also require they're forgotten.
#17
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:02:43 **hits ZB on the head with a burbon bottle** ...don't...deny my logic!!!
#18
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:07:07 Ain't you a kid? You wouldn't even be able to reach my head and I strongly doubt you have any idea what bourbon is beyond some idea that it's what mommy drinks to make the sad feelings go away.
#19
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:11:41 Dude I make the best bourbon balls. They're Nilla wafers, Hershey's cocoa, corn syrup, and some Jim Beam. And dey is goood. And I know what bourbon is because 1) I have Southern folks and 2) I'm smart by reading ingredient labels.

EDIT: I could reach your head if I has a stool.
#20
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:13:20
Dude I make the best bourbon balls. They're Nilla wafers, Hershey's cocoa, corn syrup, and some Jim Beam. And dey is goood. And I know what bourbon is because 1) I have Southern folks and 2) I'm smart by reading ingredient labels.

EDIT: I could reach your head if I has a stool.

Silly wabbit, Jim Beam is turrahbul. And why would I ever stand near a stool?
#21
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:14:39 You wouldn't have to. I'd carry one with me. Even though I'm 5'3".
#22
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:17:50 Something tells me I can outrun a midget carrying a step ladder. Jus' sayin'.
#23
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:19:18 What about my psycho husky-shepherd mix? She scoots and she's about 100lbs.
#24
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:21:01 That? Oh, I'd just shoot that. In the face. No open puppy caskets for you, pal.
#25
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:22:28 But she's my besty. And she has one of the most annoying barks in the world.
#26
zombie_babies
Jun 08, 2010 14:29:56 Well, if you like her so much, maybe you shouldn't send her after unstable people you've threatened with bodily harm.
#27
idhriniel
Jun 08, 2010 14:33:43
#28
death_isthe_begining
Jun 08, 2010 15:55:21 We could give it the Shadow Creature template which would give it Fast Healing 3 in the shade and make faster. Roughly 12 seconds and that buckshot wound is all gone.
#29
ADHadh
Jun 09, 2010 16:30:04 Back on topic:
Someone told the cops about my cousin's moonshine! We couldn't let him rot in jail, could we?
#30
Mechalibur
Jun 09, 2010 22:12:06 I was on fire, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
#31
Pinnacle
Jun 09, 2010 22:41:26 I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire?
#32
death_isthe_begining
Jun 09, 2010 22:54:42
I was on fire, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire?

It dulled the pain?
#33
Mad_Jack
Jun 10, 2010 1:45:21
I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire?

The faster the fire burns, the sooner it'll go out....

#34
ADHadh
Jun 10, 2010 4:23:55 ...and now I can't stop imagining a guy on fire sitting quietly at the bar.
#35
Mechalibur
Jun 10, 2010 8:09:14 Have you ever been on fire? You wouldn't understand.
#36
ADHadh
Jun 10, 2010 11:18:01 All I know about being on fire is that it makes you impossible to being caught by ninjas.
#37
Idolis
Jun 10, 2010 14:55:45 True, but pirates on the other hand...
#38
zombie_babies
Jun 10, 2010 15:08:18
True, but pirates on the other hand...

Tee hee.
#39
Idolis
Jun 10, 2010 15:22:42
True, but pirates on the other hand...

Tee hee.

#40
Mechalibur
Jun 10, 2010 22:05:36 Then what about pirates on fire?

...huh?

Pirates on Fire... sounds like a band name.
#41
Mad_Jack
Jun 10, 2010 22:13:51

Pirates on Fire...

Wasn't that the sequel to Pirates on Ice?

#42
ADHadh
Jun 11, 2010 5:17:36 "I was assaulted by a band of drunken pirates who threatened to keelhaul me if I didn't drink with them!"
#43
evilvegan
Jun 11, 2010 5:30:56 Yet another thread about drunk, flaming pirates that murder dogs with stools?

Why does it always come to this?!

I think it shall drive me to drink.
#44
ADHadh
Jun 11, 2010 10:58:13 "...they turned another thread into talk about drunk, flaming pirates that murder dogs with stools! I just couldn't take it sober anymore!"

Am I the only one who tries to direct this thread back on it's original topic? ;P
#45
clownkingdon
Jun 16, 2010 4:46:08 so that a child can live

#46
clownkingdon
Jun 16, 2010 4:48:29 because you can hear the voices of everybodys hair unfortunatly they only speek in chinese and the booz will help with that rash that has came back...
#47
Ragnar_Lodbrok
Jun 17, 2010 22:33:07 Because I didn't want to waste money on the Collector's Edition of the new Warhammer rulebook.
#48
Mechalibur
Jun 17, 2010 23:57:56 Because all the cool kids are doing it.
#49
EscherEnigma
Jun 19, 2010 1:55:01 It's not my fault! I wasn't there! It was my evil twin! It was my good twin!

... and randomly? It occurs to me that I have no bad drinking experiences. Ok, sure, I don't drink much and normally stop at the "pleasently tipsy" part, but every time I've gotten full-on drunk has been a positive experience. Even the emabarassing ones where I got a little ... uh... pathetic.

The first time I came out to anyone was when I was drunk, and my life has been nothing but the better for it. The first time I hit on a guy I was drunk and, well frankly, it went a lot better then it could have been (it helped that he was pretty damn drunk too). Drinking with class mates, with room mates, with friends... every time has been a good thing for me, all things considered...

I guess that's at least one sign that I don't have enough drinking stories... all of them are still good. Probably should stop while I'm still ahead of the game, no?

Anyway, another shot!

Oh, and best excuse?
I was dead at the time!
#50
Mechalibur
Jun 19, 2010 13:04:31 My evil step mother put a curse on me.
#51
Mad_Jack
Jun 20, 2010 2:09:27
It's not my fault! I wasn't there! It was my evil twin! It was my good twin!

People always think the whole evil twin thing is funny until people start calling up their relatives to ask if they've seen the article in the newspaper about the bank robbery "they" committed and someone they've never met before asks their mother (who's in the hospital at the time) if she'd like to see pictures of her grandchildren...

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 MrCelsius Jun 07, 2010 4:05:51	...with which to mask the reason I'm really getting blue-blind paralytic drunk at 4:05 on a Monday morning. GO!
#2 T-Mack Jun 07, 2010 4:19:45	Your old war wound is acting up and this is the only way to kill the pain. edit: like Frodo after Weathertop
#3 Idolis Jun 07, 2010 11:19:19	Your dog died Your sister's pregnant. And my personal favorite: Because I love you, Hunny!
#4 idhriniel Jun 07, 2010 14:43:18	I wasn't drunk; my wife drugged me. :O
#5 sevoo Jun 07, 2010 16:46:13	...with which to mask the reason I'm really getting blue-blind paralytic drunk at 4:05 on a Monday morning. GO! Somebody's gotta do quality assurance on the booze.
#6 MechaPilot Jun 07, 2010 16:47:34	It's a selfless act to protect the many alcholics from temptation.
#7 death_isthe_begining Jun 07, 2010 19:43:22	A friend you haven't seen in years turned up and invited you out to drinks and couldn't turn them down (assuming we're talking about 4:05 p.m.).
#8 Pinnacle Jun 07, 2010 19:52:23	I didn't even know there was a 4:05 pm on Monday morning!
#9 theoriginalbigdaddy Jun 07, 2010 19:55:46	"It increases strength and charisma by 1!" said while holding up two fingers. you cant count because it decreases intelligence by 1.
#10 Mad_Jack Jun 08, 2010 4:09:08	You met a man who swore he found Jesus at the bottom of a tequila bottle, and you've decided to look for yourself...
#11 Robin_Hoodlum Jun 08, 2010 7:31:33	You met a man who swore he found Jesus at the bottom of a tequila bottle, and you've decided to look for yourself... This one wins! LOL!
#12 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 8:23:58	If you really need an excuse - cuz, like, someone is pestering you or something, just say 'cuz I ****ing wanted to, that's why' and then break whatever bottle you're holding into an improvised weapon and threaten them with it until they forget all about your strangely timed drinking. Distraction FTW.
#13 boraxe Jun 08, 2010 8:27:58	Without knowing the real reason, how can we know what would make the best excuse?
#14 death_isthe_begining Jun 08, 2010 8:42:55	Another excuse could be one of your favorite authors/illustrators died recently, you felt the need for a drink and got carried away getting completely $h!tf@ced.
#15 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 13:55:17	...Isn't there...someone who thays tha'its five oclock somehwhere? (Yes, the typos were to exaggerate drunkness.)
#16 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:00:24	Yes there is, but he is such a terrible musician that we simply must forget his moronic line of reasoning. And any covers are done by inherently stupid people (why cover a terrible song) and therefore also require they're forgotten.
#17 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:02:43	hits ZB on the head with a burbon bottle ...don't...deny my logic!!!
#18 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:07:07	Ain't you a kid? You wouldn't even be able to reach my head and I strongly doubt you have any idea what bourbon is beyond some idea that it's what mommy drinks to make the sad feelings go away.
#19 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:11:41	Dude I make the best bourbon balls. They're Nilla wafers, Hershey's cocoa, corn syrup, and some Jim Beam. And dey is goood. And I know what bourbon is because 1) I have Southern folks and 2) I'm smart by reading ingredient labels. EDIT: I could reach your head if I has a stool.
#20 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:13:20	Dude I make the best bourbon balls. They're Nilla wafers, Hershey's cocoa, corn syrup, and some Jim Beam. And dey is goood. And I know what bourbon is because 1) I have Southern folks and 2) I'm smart by reading ingredient labels. EDIT: I could reach your head if I has a stool. Silly wabbit, Jim Beam is turrahbul. And why would I ever stand near a stool?
#21 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:14:39	You wouldn't have to. I'd carry one with me. Even though I'm 5'3".
#22 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:17:50	Something tells me I can outrun a midget carrying a step ladder. Jus' sayin'.
#23 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:19:18	What about my psycho husky-shepherd mix? She scoots and she's about 100lbs.
#24 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:21:01	That? Oh, I'd just shoot that. In the face. No open puppy caskets for you, pal.
#25 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:22:28	But she's my besty. And she has one of the most annoying barks in the world.
#26 zombie_babies Jun 08, 2010 14:29:56	Well, if you like her so much, maybe you shouldn't send her after unstable people you've threatened with bodily harm.
#27 idhriniel Jun 08, 2010 14:33:43
#28 death_isthe_begining Jun 08, 2010 15:55:21	We could give it the Shadow Creature template which would give it Fast Healing 3 in the shade and make faster. Roughly 12 seconds and that buckshot wound is all gone.
#29 ADHadh Jun 09, 2010 16:30:04	Back on topic: Someone told the cops about my cousin's moonshine! We couldn't let him rot in jail, could we?
#30 Mechalibur Jun 09, 2010 22:12:06	I was on fire, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
#31 Pinnacle Jun 09, 2010 22:41:26	I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire?
#32 death_isthe_begining Jun 09, 2010 22:54:42	I was on fire, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire? It dulled the pain?
#33 Mad_Jack Jun 10, 2010 1:45:21	I don't understand. How does drinking help with being on fire? The faster the fire burns, the sooner it'll go out....
#34 ADHadh Jun 10, 2010 4:23:55	...and now I can't stop imagining a guy on fire sitting quietly at the bar.
#35 Mechalibur Jun 10, 2010 8:09:14	Have you ever been on fire? You wouldn't understand.
#36 ADHadh Jun 10, 2010 11:18:01	All I know about being on fire is that it makes you impossible to being caught by ninjas.
#37 Idolis Jun 10, 2010 14:55:45	True, but pirates on the other hand...
#38 zombie_babies Jun 10, 2010 15:08:18	True, but pirates on the other hand... Tee hee.
#39 Idolis Jun 10, 2010 15:22:42	True, but pirates on the other hand... Tee hee.
#40 Mechalibur Jun 10, 2010 22:05:36	Then what about pirates on fire? ...huh? Pirates on Fire... sounds like a band name.
#41 Mad_Jack Jun 10, 2010 22:13:51	Pirates on Fire... Wasn't that the sequel to Pirates on Ice?
#42 ADHadh Jun 11, 2010 5:17:36	"I was assaulted by a band of drunken pirates who threatened to keelhaul me if I didn't drink with them!"
#43 evilvegan Jun 11, 2010 5:30:56	Yet another thread about drunk, flaming pirates that murder dogs with stools? Why does it always come to this?! I think it shall drive me to drink.
#44 ADHadh Jun 11, 2010 10:58:13	"...they turned another thread into talk about drunk, flaming pirates that murder dogs with stools! I just couldn't take it sober anymore!" Am I the only one who tries to direct this thread back on it's original topic? ;P
#45 clownkingdon Jun 16, 2010 4:46:08	so that a child can live
#46 clownkingdon Jun 16, 2010 4:48:29	because you can hear the voices of everybodys hair unfortunatly they only speek in chinese and the booz will help with that rash that has came back...
#47 Ragnar_Lodbrok Jun 17, 2010 22:33:07	Because I didn't want to waste money on the Collector's Edition of the new Warhammer rulebook.
#48 Mechalibur Jun 17, 2010 23:57:56	Because all the cool kids are doing it.
#49 EscherEnigma Jun 19, 2010 1:55:01	It's not my fault! I wasn't there! It was my evil twin! It was my good twin! ... and randomly? It occurs to me that I have no bad drinking experiences. Ok, sure, I don't drink much and normally stop at the "pleasently tipsy" part, but every time I've gotten full-on drunk has been a positive experience. Even the emabarassing ones where I got a little ... uh... pathetic. The first time I came out to anyone was when I was drunk, and my life has been nothing but the better for it. The first time I hit on a guy I was drunk and, well frankly, it went a lot better then it could have been (it helped that he was pretty damn drunk too). Drinking with class mates, with room mates, with friends... every time has been a good thing for me, all things considered... I guess that's at least one sign that I don't have enough drinking stories... all of them are still good. Probably should stop while I'm still ahead of the game, no? Anyway, another shot! Oh, and best excuse? I was *dead* at the time!
#50 Mechalibur Jun 19, 2010 13:04:31	My evil step mother put a curse on me.
#51 Mad_Jack Jun 20, 2010 2:09:27	It's not my fault! I wasn't there! It was my evil twin! It was my good twin! People always think the whole evil twin thing is funny until people start calling up their relatives to ask if they've seen the article in the newspaper about the bank robbery "they" committed and someone they've never met before asks their mother (who's in the hospital at the time) if she'd like to see pictures of her grandchildren...