Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 yamishinobi Jun 15, 2009 21:38:57	i present a poem to all you gamers out there, it is a work i created in a therapy group, we were reading poems, after reading a few i was inspired to this idea. the idea came from MMO gamers due to it being an easier source. here goes the poem A Day in the life of the Quintessential Gamer By Timothy James Young I sit at my terminal Ignoring hunger and thirst My elven sorceress growing in power Kobolds dying and ogres weeping Feeling fatigue I click the mouse The number of potions drops by one Now refreshed, I head for the Gnolls across the woods Eventually the sky turns black, As I have looted for hours I sell the trash, auctioning that from which I can profit One random newbie buys that fancy sword I buy myself a better wand Back to the slaughter I go Yelling in the backround I hear A nap I cannot take I just need 3,000 golden coins to buy my new robe Now that I have my robe I have to slaughter some more I slay the dragon For a day or few I have not ate I still sit at my terminal Slaying kobolds And looting gnolls
#2 Novacat Jun 15, 2009 23:55:50	Far be it from me to be overly harsh on the works of a fledgling artist, as I'm no poet myself. However... I found it to be completely unlike a poem. I suppose it's some sort of haiku? There wasn't any rhyming, so I assume it's all about meter, but I can't see any particular rhythm. It's just a block of text, as far as I can see. Perhaps if you reformat it so that we can see where to pause and how to read it. Maybe link a YouTube video of you reciting it, so we can hear it instead. I'm not convinced it's bad, it just seems poorly displayed.
#3 archyneir Jun 16, 2009 0:23:55	Poem's need not rhyme, care for measure or any follow any structured form outside the limits that the author placed on the work. That being said however; proper punctuation, breaks in the wording to allow thought from one idea to the next, a semi-formal structure of consistent phrases helps any poem out along nicely. All together, a very good attempt, and a nice read. It wasn't horrible mind you, just awkward to follow. Even if you don't follow any of the "structured" forms of known poem form, an individual artist should be able to show his/her audience their own structure through the spacing and grouping of their words in order to display their thoughts. Just something to keep in mind; keep up the work mate. Cheers!
#4 EscherEnigma Jun 16, 2009 1:50:31	Eh, I think it's going for the cheap shot.
#5 cherubaddon Jun 16, 2009 2:31:33	Far be it from me to be overly harsh on the works of a fledgling artist, as I'm no poet myself. However... I found it to be completely unlike a poem. I suppose it's some sort of haiku? There wasn't any rhyming, so I assume it's all about meter, but I can't see any particular rhythm. It's just a block of text, as far as I can see. Perhaps if you reformat it so that we can see where to pause and how to read it. Maybe link a YouTube video of you reciting it, so we can hear it instead. I'm not convinced it's bad, it just seems poorly displayed. You mean free verse - I think haikus are those laughably short Japanese two-liners... @OP: all stylistic considerations aside (free verse isn't my thing, but I'm not the final authority), what your poem does need is something... special. Something that wakes people up from the lethargy of the (intentionally, I assume) droning, monotonous lines. You see, the problem is that you set a mood of repetetiveness, but then never break out of it. You need some sort of surprise for the reader. A climax. An unexpected twist at the end. Something in that vein, that gives more meaning to the poem than you do to its contents.
#6 Dark_Stryke Jun 16, 2009 21:50:10	As others have said, it's not bad, per se, just missing a certain something. A few of the transitions are a bit awkward, as well. In one line, you talk about needing 3000 coins for a robe. In most MMOs, this is a lot. In the very next line, you say that you now have the robe. It's a little... disjointed. There's a thread somewhere on the board of D&D themed limericks. There's some awesome poetry in that thread.
#7 yellowdingo Jun 17, 2009 14:16:33	Far be it from me to be overly harsh on the works of a fledgling artist, as I'm no poet myself. However... I found it to be completely unlike a poem. I suppose it's some sort of haiku? There wasn't any rhyming, so I assume it's all about meter, but I can't see any particular rhythm. It's just a block of text, as far as I can see. Perhaps if you reformat it so that we can see where to pause and how to read it. Maybe link a YouTube video of you reciting it, so we can hear it instead. I'm not convinced it's bad, it just seems poorly displayed. Its poetry...its just the annoying 'philosopher poet in a coffee house on mike night' kind of poetry.
#8 Dark_Stryke Jun 17, 2009 14:57:01	Yellowdingo: Rather good, if a little flowery. Some of the line breaks are jarring, making a few of the lines awkward to read. Quite good, though.
#9 yellowdingo Jun 17, 2009 15:04:03	Yellowdingo: Rather good, if a little flowery. Some of the line breaks are jarring, making a few of the lines awkward to read. Quite good, though. Now all we need is two hundred more poems, a bunch of artists to draw pencil sketches relating to each Poem on the opposing plate, and WOTC to flog it at the next Convention to gather funds for cancer research.
#10 Dark_Stryke Jun 18, 2009 0:42:12	Now all we need is two hundred more poems, a bunch of artists to draw pencil sketches relating to each Poem on the opposing plate, and WOTC to flog it at the next Convention to gather funds for cancer research. I have no idea why you quoted me, as your post doesn't seem to be addressed to or related to mine in any way, shape, or form, but sure! Let's do this. Someone else gets to organize and accomplish it though, because I'm lazy.
#11 sutemi Jun 18, 2009 2:33:08	I think it's a fine poem. No need to overanalyze it.
#12 yellowdingo Jun 18, 2009 4:54:40	I have no idea why you quoted me, as your post doesn't seem to be addressed to or related to mine in any way, shape, or form, but sure! Let's do this. Someone else gets to organize and accomplish it though, because I'm lazy. welcome to Lazy Town.