A sneak preview of my soon to be published novel characters. - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 volcano Dec 26, 2009 4:45:33	I would like to thanks Wizards of the coast for inspireing me in my discovering a talent as a writer I never thought I had.If it would not have been for AD&D and Dragons lance I discovered and continue to enjoy my inspiration for my book novel "The Legendary Draggonia" would not have been created. Book novel fans this is a sneak preview of my soon to be lauched pride gotic setting. Sneak preview of my upcoming novel "The Legendary Draggonia"
#2 ADHadh Dec 26, 2009 4:59:42	Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P
#3 volcano Dec 26, 2009 17:15:42	Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P If you reed or saw Lord of the rings and Eragon its both mixed up with my personal touch.Pleanty of magic 4 battles. ninjas, wizards, lizardmen,minotaurs and orks.You won't want to let go of my novel because I compose it in such a way that I cautivate my readers.You will want more and more and more.I am still trying to find a way to post a jpeg image of the front cover or find a browse in this post but since I am new I don't understand still pleanty of the functions in this forum.If I get a hand from someone here I can send a print out of it so you can look at your local book store for my novel by the end of February if not sooner. I will try blog but I only saw browse in my avatar it would be unfair to see my book cover that small it would take away the fun. Well if I can't find help I will then try to describe its details so you can get a mental picture of what it looks like on my next post reply thanks for your interest.And may the force of mount Draggobah protect you yours in good faith Prince Damian. I just made it as avatar if you can enlarge it you can enjoy better.This cover comes in colors It is being arranged.
#4 ADHadh Dec 27, 2009 7:10:05	Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P If you reed or saw Lord of the rings and Eragon its both mixed up with my personal touch.Pleanty of magic 4 battles. ninjas, wizards, lizardmen,minotaurs and orks.You won't want to let go of my novel because I compose it in such a way that I cautivate my readers.You will want more and more and more.I am still trying to find a way to post a jpeg image of the front cover or find a browse in this post but since I am new I don't understand still pleanty of the functions in this forum.If I get a hand from someone here I can send a print out of it so you can look at your local book store for my novel by the end of February if not sooner. I will try blog but I only saw browse in my avatar it would be unfair to see my book cover that small it would take away the fun. Well if I can't find help I will then try to describe its details so you can get a mental picture of what it looks like on my next post reply thanks for your interest.And may the force of mount Draggobah protect you yours in good faith Prince Damian. I just made it as avatar if you can enlarge it you can enjoy better.This cover comes in colors It is being arranged. Rather than advertising, drawing covers and boasting, you should try actually writing the novel. Unless you want to end up writing The Eye Of Argon. Don't describe the novel so I can see it in my mind, I want to see it on my screen. My point is, wait until you have at least two chapters you're happy about ready before you come here advertising. You're starting to do exactly what I do (where are my comics? oh yes, non-existent).
#5 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 9:05:41	If I might hazard a question... Have you finished the novel in question, and this is a somewhat firm publication date, or are you assuming a publisher can get it together in that time? Also, might I ask your native language? For the record. -Sarena
#6 cherubaddon Dec 27, 2009 9:17:14	Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt
#7 ADHadh Dec 27, 2009 16:19:32	Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt I think something messed up your post... Things like that made me ask if this is supposed to be serious. This and others sound more like from Dr McNinja than Lord of the Rings.
#8 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 17:51:30	Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt I think something messed up your post... Things like that made me ask if this is supposed to be serious. This and others sound more like from Dr McNinja than Lord of the Rings. This. I'm finding my credulity at the OP's claims stretched to the far side of the breaking point. There's a certain amount of leeway I give most people when they write, occasionally I need a touch myself. What I'm having problems with is a tad more basic than that. Every writer I know... Every literate person I've ever met, knows to put a space after a period. In any language that uses them. I didn't make it through half of any of his posts, sadly. I have fewer headaches per word reading l33t. Someone mentioned the Eye of Argon... Thank you for the eyebleed It's been a long time since I had a good laugh. Myself, I'd like to see some intelligible character thumbs before he continues. These are, well, carp floating belly-up. Red-belt Ninja-Spaniards? Yeeks. Red belts stand out on a dark roof. I find it amusing that he's calling it a mix between some of the finest and worst fantasy literature ever published. My guess is that he's trying for Average, and as much as I dislike the work of the lesser of the two he said he was mixing, I daresay that the worst was still easier to read than the OP. Just my opinion, Your Mileage May Vary. -Sarena
#9 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 18:47:33	Okay, Tried to read this again, and found I needed to pull it apart to read it at all. So why not lend the OP a hand while I'm at it. Good folks Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur. Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time. Baroness Saint cross Barbariana Cruz Buenaventura= Barbarian from the tribes of the north, posseses Psyonics powers and mind offensive abilitys can convert arms to wepons. Wife of Mostus and mother of Damian. Tossing an 'a' on the end of a common word doesn't make for a proper woman's name. I wouldn't name you Dorkin, please don't do it to us. Might want to ba a little clearer on what she can do. Seems to me you covered the entire gamut of D&D Psionics here. Omegano D'Iguan= They call him the great and the king of reptile land is a cleric and protector of the Holay Profesay book the holy lizard scriptures. Huh? You have an iguana-king that keeps the Lizard Prophecy. I think? You spelled Holy two different ways. I assume you did that a-purpose, but what that purpose is I have no idea. That said, he's one of the better ones so far. Mostly because there's little or nothing there to find fault with. General Commander Centuriano D' Lizard= Son of Omegano and militia leader of the land. They call him "Straight Jacket" Expert in swords and electrical bo staff. Wait. They have batteries that are efficient enough to put in a stick? Nifty... That means I can bring Bob. Is Commander his name, like General Specific, or part of his rank... Commander over general things? Why call him "Straight Jacket"? Was 'I Love Me Jacket' taken? Captain Greco San Salamandro= He is the best Sex counselor in his land, his afodisiacal fragrances the best wine maker and loves exotic food. He likes to flower and eye the beautiful maids in his land. Making the persecutor converted into the persecuted, his 2 troops called the Bachelor boys and the bunny girl warriors. His armor despicts a rose orchid heart with his two favorite wepons crossed a crossbow of speed and the blade boomerang. Allso known as Captain Casanova. More detailed character here, and not one I'd want near me. If all of that is true, that's way too big a fluid tree for my safety. Also, shrink or Combat leader, he really needs to pick one. I don't think he had time for both. Viscount Marmaduke= Wizard of the land and a powerfull transmuter. Practices white magic knowledged on dark socery is also a doctor of flora and fauna. Allways stuck in his chemestry lab and a very good advisor in dificult times together with King Omegano are the only 2 that can speak human tounge in the lizard world. Allso kindly known as Uncle Duke. Need more background here. Not sure what's up with the lizards, but it needs some explanation. Especially if our Veteranarian/Florist/Wizard is going to do much with. Lord Damian Montañez Cruz Buenaventura= Prince of reptiles Lord of Dragons. The long awaited leader to be born heretage the powers of his mother Barbariana and accidentally mutated by a encantation spell that went wrong of Marmaduke, has now a 55% human trait and 45% reptile traits. The eradicator of evil and main obstacle of Calibur's campain of slavery and evil. Damian's secret as his alter ego Danny Cruzada is only known by his major ranking leaders and by his royal mount Draco Puffard the green and gold cheast dragon. Okay, finally someone that looks like they might be the MC. Hybrid creature, plus attitude, and shares secrets too freely when it comes to being Ebil. At least, that's how he reads. Draco Puffard= The mighty mascot Dragon of the new castle of Draggonia. The braclets of binding that convert him into a mighty warrior given to him by his master. Tieing a unbrakeable bond of Damian's powers to share his owners mysticle traits. Errr... Poor Dragon? I'm still lost, but I'm sure the next character will explain it. Oh, wait... We have bad guys next? Bad Dudes There are a number of things wrong here. Evil is most definitely not gender-based. Tyrant Calibur= Also known as Osaca triburcio or the black dragon. A black belt hoded ninja/cleric that practices the dark arts. The nightmare and enslaver of the lizard kind. Devastator of humanity and main foe of Draggonia. Again with the lizards. As a PA, you would think he'd be a little deeper. Could be worse, though. He could be a ninja too. No, wait. He is. Gaborah Gravestalker= The mascot of Calibur an excentric foul gargoyle/pit fiend the emasipator of his masters campain and dark magic.His blood is so poisonous that a drop creates a venonous creature and the blood of this create a chain reaccion of others. How do they keep the population of little venomous beasties from swarming the Planet? Don't recognize the word emasipator. There's a few things it could be, and not all of them nice. Okies. I know I seem a bit snarky here, but honestly, if you brought that to me as part of a pitch, I'd toss it in the shredder. You need to clean up your spelling and grammar, especially if you're writing in English, for an English-speaking audience. If I sent that to my agent, she'd take my head off. You might be able to make something out of what you have there, but I'd be hard-pressed to figure out how. Maybe a little of the text from the middle of the book? Might help us better determine how to help. Not intentionally being a . Trying to tell you your work needs work. With other authors, I find that snarking and editorialism gets better results than telling someone "you suck" with no reason other than that. -Sarena
#10 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 19:23:57	OMG! Good job DS. Good way to work through that. Do you like English that much or just that bored?
#11 cherubaddon Dec 27, 2009 19:33:54	I think something messed up your post... No. Some things are best left to speak for themselves, and some things leave me speechless with laughter/cringing/wallbanging. This was the best of both worlds.
#12 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 19:53:00	OMG! Good job DS. Good way to work through that. Do you like English that much or just that bored?
#13 cherubaddon Dec 27, 2009 20:00:09	DS: You're taking this too seriously. He is either trolling, or else making an (ill-advised) attempt at yellowdingoesque satire. There's no way he's hoping or even considering coming up with, writing and publishing this outside of his pipedreams.
#14 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 20:08:56	DS: You're taking this too seriously. He is either trolling, or else making an (ill-advised) attempt at yellowdingoesque satire. There's no way he's hoping or even considering coming up with, writing and publishing this outside of his pipedreams. I can only pray that one of those is the case. If he managed to get that past an agent/reader/editor etc as is, I'm going to cry. -Sarena
#15 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 20:14:43	Honestly? A little of both, and then some. I'm a published author, and spurious claims of publication annoy me... Especially when I know for fact I couldn't get away with that and sell even one copy. [/sblock]I've seen you sorta mention such before. my guess is that I've never read your works before. Unless you've worked with eddings or feist or that jordon guy with that wheel of time series. He's (I think), looking for an artist to do his cover, and someone to write his book for him. Urrrgh Just looks to me like he pulled a bunch of unassociated things out of a couple of books he read, nom'd on them for an hour or two, and then spit them back out in the Forum for attention. I admit to not having had a lot of exposure as yet, but most editors look for basics, unless the writer is twelve, and has such a great idea that it's worth printing crap to get some exposure and sales. Little things like those I pointed out.
#16 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 20:19:08	I've seen you sorta mention such before. my guess is that I've never read your works before. Unless you've worked with eddings or feist or that jordon guy with that wheel of time series. Probably not. As stated, I haven't had a lot of exposure as yet. Still working on that part. On the other hand, I've been going about things a little differently than the OP. Knowing a little bit about the industry, I want to wave the little red and brown flag when I see people making these claims. -Sarena
#17 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 20:23:15	You guys have flags?
#18 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 20:27:56	Yep... That one is a signal for Penn and Teller and the Showtime cameras to descend on the person in question with extreme meanness. It's called the bull**** flag. -Sarena
#19 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 20:34:03	Pen and Teller ain't funny no more. They done gone got worn out like pappy's ol' shoes wearded to the county fair on the fourth o' July. um, what I mean to say is that their shtick is old and over used. I guess KGM would call that trite or something, but I don't know what jumping spiders have to do with it.
#20 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 21:23:52	Penn and Teller don't have to be funny. They just have to do their homework, IMO. That, they can be counted on to do more often than not. -Sarena
#21 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 21:28:05	Homework is not fun. If they do their homework then I'm going to go out and say that they are not fun. when I was a little rat kid I thought they were all funny and stuff. now that I'm older and wiser like I don't like them but that could be because they seem more serious now (political) while still doing their dumb shtick. edit And get workin' on that catgirl thingy in that one thread of yours. Maybe make a swimsuit series for those catgirl fanbois. yeah.... for those fanbois....
#22 darkspartan Dec 27, 2009 23:52:12	Show Working on the crunch now, trying to get something solid, balanced, and not duplicated to go with the fluff from the original game. Not as easy as it looks. I've run through 30 variations thus far, and they all come out at level 30 either way OP, or not nearly competitive.
#23 dirtyfrank Dec 27, 2009 23:58:13	response Show Working on the crunch now, trying to get something solid, balanced, and not duplicated to go with the fluff from the original game. Not as easy as it looks. I've run through 30 variations thus far, and they all come out at level 30 either way OP, or not nearly competitive.
#24 darkspartan Dec 28, 2009 0:29:37	It's 4e, and I want it to be right the first time. -Sarena
#25 dirtyfrank Dec 28, 2009 1:01:55	I find the 4e easy for a few reasons. the main one being that all the races seem to follow the same general format. It can probably actually be written down in a little template. hmmm. maybe I'll write something up or something soon and can send it to you in like a pm. if you'd like.
#26 pigknight Dec 28, 2009 1:11:25	Me, of all people, is going to get this back on topic with: Epic failz! 1) I couldn't understand your OP at all. 2) WotC now owns your characters for all intents and purposes. 3) Eragon + LotR = Average at best.
#27 dirtyfrank Dec 28, 2009 1:44:33	Brought to you by the color blue (blue is the sad color for those that are color challenged)
#28 darkspartan Dec 28, 2009 3:46:18	If you'd like, Frank. At least that way WotC won't own our giblets :P Although, tbh, I doubt sincerely they'd prevent us from publishing whatever without them, or even their consent. After all, they've had first crack at it already. Not sure they'd want this regardless... -Sarena
#29 volcano Dec 28, 2009 4:12:31	Okay, Tried to read this again, and found I needed to pull it apart to read it at all. So why not lend the OP a hand while I'm at it. Good folks Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur. Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time. Baroness Saint cross Barbariana Cruz Buenaventura= Barbarian from the tribes of the north, posseses Psyonics powers and mind offensive abilitys can convert arms to wepons. Wife of Mostus and mother of Damian. Tossing an 'a' on the end of a common word doesn't make for a proper woman's name. I wouldn't name you Dorkin, please don't do it to us. Might want to ba a little clearer on what she can do. Seems to me you covered the entire gamut of D&D Psionics here. Omegano D'Iguan= They call him the great and the king of reptile land is a cleric and protector of the Holay Profesay book the holy lizard scriptures. Huh? You have an iguana-king that keeps the Lizard Prophecy. I think? You spelled Holy two different ways. I assume you did that a-purpose, but what that purpose is I have no idea. That said, he's one of the better ones so far. Mostly because there's little or nothing there to find fault with. General Commander Centuriano D' Lizard= Son of Omegano and militia leader of the land. They call him "Straight Jacket" Expert in swords and electrical bo staff. Wait. They have batteries that are efficient enough to put in a stick? Nifty... That means I can bring Bob. Is Commander his name, like General Specific, or part of his rank... Commander over general things? Why call him "Straight Jacket"? Was 'I Love Me Jacket' taken? Captain Greco San Salamandro= He is the best Sex counselor in his land, his afodisiacal fragrances the best wine maker and loves exotic food. He likes to flower and eye the beautiful maids in his land. Making the persecutor converted into the persecuted, his 2 troops called the Bachelor boys and the bunny girl warriors. His armor despicts a rose orchid heart with his two favorite wepons crossed a crossbow of speed and the blade boomerang. Allso known as Captain Casanova. More detailed character here, and not one I'd want near me. If all of that is true, that's way too big a fluid tree for my safety. Also, shrink or Combat leader, he really needs to pick one. I don't think he had time for both. Viscount Marmaduke= Wizard of the land and a powerfull transmuter. Practices white magic knowledged on dark socery is also a doctor of flora and fauna. Allways stuck in his chemestry lab and a very good advisor in dificult times together with King Omegano are the only 2 that can speak human tounge in the lizard world. Allso kindly known as Uncle Duke. Need more background here. Not sure what's up with the lizards, but it needs some explanation. Especially if our Veteranarian/Florist/Wizard is going to do much with. Lord Damian Montañez Cruz Buenaventura= Prince of reptiles Lord of Dragons. The long awaited leader to be born heretage the powers of his mother Barbariana and accidentally mutated by a encantation spell that went wrong of Marmaduke, has now a 55% human trait and 45% reptile traits. The eradicator of evil and main obstacle of Calibur's campain of slavery and evil. Damian's secret as his alter ego Danny Cruzada is only known by his major ranking leaders and by his royal mount Draco Puffard the green and gold cheast dragon. Okay, finally someone that looks like they might be the MC. Hybrid creature, plus attitude, and shares secrets too freely when it comes to being Ebil. At least, that's how he reads. Draco Puffard= The mighty mascot Dragon of the new castle of Draggonia. The braclets of binding that convert him into a mighty warrior given to him by his master. Tieing a unbrakeable bond of Damian's powers to share his owners mysticle traits. Errr... Poor Dragon? I'm still lost, but I'm sure the next character will explain it. Oh, wait... We have bad guys next? Bad Dudes There are a number of things wrong here. Evil is most definitely not gender-based. Tyrant Calibur= Also known as Osaca triburcio or the black dragon. A black belt hoded ninja/cleric that practices the dark arts. The nightmare and enslaver of the lizard kind. Devastator of humanity and main foe of Draggonia. Again with the lizards. As a PA, you would think he'd be a little deeper. Could be worse, though. He could be a ninja too. No, wait. He is. Gaborah Gravestalker= The mascot of Calibur an excentric foul gargoyle/pit fiend the emasipator of his masters campain and dark magic.His blood is so poisonous that a drop creates a venonous creature and the blood of this create a chain reaccion of others. How do they keep the population of little venomous beasties from swarming the Planet? Don't recognize the word emasipator. There's a few things it could be, and not all of them nice. Okies. I know I seem a bit snarky here, but honestly, if you brought that to me as part of a pitch, I'd toss it in the shredder. You need to clean up your spelling and grammar, especially if you're writing in English, for an English-speaking audience. If I sent that to my agent, she'd take my head off. You might be able to make something out of what you have there, but I'd be hard-pressed to figure out how. Maybe a little of the text from the middle of the book? Might help us better determine how to help. Not intentionally being a . Trying to tell you your work needs work. With other authors, I find that snarking and editorialism gets better results than telling someone "you suck" with no reason other than that. -Sarena
#30 darkspartan Dec 28, 2009 7:00:30	I cringe at the thought that someone is going behind you to clean up. They're either a complete Saint, or you're really onto something. I know where my money is... You never did answer my question, Ralph. What is your Home Language? -Sarena
#31 zombie_babies Dec 28, 2009 9:38:39	Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time. Just to be a butthead, this isn't the case. Master and Grandmaster rank have colors other than black. Red or red and white are used for Master/Grandmaster in certain styles, for example. I know this to be true because I've actually seen people of this rank wear these belts. Yep. /butthead OP: I think the major flaw in your writing is that it's too obvious. If you really want to troll, start of by naming the world something other than Dragonnia or whatever dreck you made up. When it's that obvious, you ain't gonna catch nuthin' with yer bait. For example, were I to try and catch, say, a brown trout with a fly rod - they're notoriously picky eaters when it comes to bait - by tossin' out a line baited with a flashing neon sign that read 'I'm bait, bite me!', I'd never get even a nibble. Subtlety ftw.
#32 volcano Dec 28, 2009 16:36:42	Sarena I moved here to Puerto Rico from Brooklyn New York in 1975 I started here 7th grade at the age of 12 I am now 45 practicing spanish with hardly a chance to give my english a chance has made a few minor puddles in my penmenship but still I trust on my well being to survive inspite of my drawbacks in a minor hand tremor heretaged by dads side consecuence of my life and death birth Heavenly Lord gave me a chance to live.Born with my head tilted towards my back one side without movement and the sack that hold my vital baby liquid broke at 8 months towards my birth leaving me without protection for the remaining month.I was saved by seseria but dad had sighned the hospital papers so mom could live if I died.So please be patient with my ways I am giving my best shot at this realese and I won't deception my readers knowing that I wouldn't be writing this to you if the marvelous profesionals at what use to be Sister Elizabeth Hospital gave me a chance by God's love to be sharing a bit of my miracle birth with my future readers of my novel.This is more than you had expected for an answer but with this I pray I have found friends in this forum and trust in my virtues.Blessings to all Ralph. Post data: I refer to red belt in Mostus since I asociate this with the classes of Tai cuan dow I took in New York. I reached green belt before I moved to P.R. So my followup in Mostus ranking belt made Calibur a more dangerous foe since he was gaining knowledge thru the seed of evil germinating quickly in Osaca's soul.
#33 darkspartan Dec 28, 2009 21:00:00	Sarena I moved here to Puerto Rico from Brooklyn New York in 1975 I started here 7th grade at the age of 12 I am now 45 practicing spanish with hardly a chance to give my english a chance has made a few minor puddles in my penmenship but still I trust on my well being to survive inspite of my drawbacks in a minor hand tremor heretaged by dads side consecuence of my life and death birth Heavenly Lord gave me a chance to live. I defy you to find a period in this paragraph, other than the one at the end. Mind you, I only grabbed half the original paragraph. Thirty-four years of Spanish or not, one doesn't just lose their original language. Last I heard, they knew what punctuation was for, too. Post data: I refer to red belt in Mostus since I asociate this with the classes of Tai cuan dow I took in New York. I reached green belt before I moved to P.R. So my followup in Mostus ranking belt made Calibur a more dangerous foe since he was gaining knowledge thru the seed of evil germinating quickly in Osaca's soul. This I did not know, thank you for the clarification. I know that some arts have Red in the sub-black structure. If this is the case, why not leave it at Master of his Art? Makes it sound like he has two. -Sarena

Post/Author/DateTime

Post

volcano

Dec 26, 2009 4:45:33

I would like to thanks Wizards of the coast for inspireing me in my discovering a talent as a writer I never thought I had.If it would not have been for AD&D and Dragons lance I discovered and continue to enjoy my inspiration for my book novel "The Legendary Draggonia" would not have been created. Book novel fans this is a sneak preview of my soon to be lauched pride gotic setting.

Sneak preview of my upcoming novel "The Legendary Draggonia"

ADHadh

Dec 26, 2009 4:59:42

Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P

volcano

Dec 26, 2009 17:15:42

Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P

If you reed or saw Lord of the rings and Eragon its both mixed up with my personal touch.Pleanty of magic 4 battles. ninjas, wizards, lizardmen,minotaurs and orks.You won't want to let go of my novel because I compose it in such a way that I cautivate my readers.You will want more and more and more.I am still trying to find a way to post a jpeg image of the front cover or find a browse in this post but since I am new I don't understand still pleanty of the functions in this forum.If I get a hand from someone here I can send a print out of it so you can look at your local book store for my novel by the end of February if not sooner. I will try blog but I only saw browse in my avatar it would be unfair to see my book cover that small it would take away the fun. Well if I can't find help I will then try to describe its details so you can get a mental picture of what it looks like on my next post reply thanks for your interest.And may the force of mount Draggobah protect you yours in good faith Prince Damian.
I just made it as avatar if you can enlarge it you can enjoy better.This cover comes in colors It is being arranged.

ADHadh

Dec 27, 2009 7:10:05

Is it going to be an uptight, epic fantasy or something more comedic? I really can't tell just by names ;P

If you reed or saw Lord of the rings and Eragon its both mixed up with my personal touch.Pleanty of magic 4 battles. ninjas, wizards, lizardmen,minotaurs and orks.You won't want to let go of my novel because I compose it in such a way that I cautivate my readers.You will want more and more and more.I am still trying to find a way to post a jpeg image of the front cover or find a browse in this post but since I am new I don't understand still pleanty of the functions in this forum.If I get a hand from someone here I can send a print out of it so you can look at your local book store for my novel by the end of February if not sooner. I will try blog but I only saw browse in my avatar it would be unfair to see my book cover that small it would take away the fun. Well if I can't find help I will then try to describe its details so you can get a mental picture of what it looks like on my next post reply thanks for your interest.And may the force of mount Draggobah protect you yours in good faith Prince Damian.
I just made it as avatar if you can enlarge it you can enjoy better.This cover comes in colors It is being arranged.

Rather than advertising, drawing covers and boasting, you should try actually writing the novel. Unless you want to end up writing The Eye Of Argon. Don't describe the novel so I can see it in my mind, I want to see it on my screen.
My point is, wait until you have at least two chapters you're happy about ready before you come here advertising. You're starting to do exactly what I do (where are my comics? oh yes, non-existent).

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 9:05:41

If I might hazard a question...

Have you finished the novel in question, and this is a somewhat firm publication date, or are you assuming a publisher can get it together in that time?

Also, might I ask your native language? For the record.

-Sarena

cherubaddon

Dec 27, 2009 9:17:14

Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt

ADHadh

Dec 27, 2009 16:19:32

Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt

I think something messed up your post...
Things like that made me ask if this is supposed to be serious. This and others sound more like from Dr McNinja than Lord of the Rings.

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 17:51:30

Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur.Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt

I think something messed up your post...
Things like that made me ask if this is supposed to be serious. This and others sound more like from Dr McNinja than Lord of the Rings.

This.

I'm finding my credulity at the OP's claims stretched to the far side of the breaking point. There's a certain amount of leeway I give most people when they write, occasionally I need a touch myself.

What I'm having problems with is a tad more basic than that. Every writer I know... Every literate person I've ever met, knows to put a space after a period. In any language that uses them. I didn't make it through half of any of his posts, sadly. I have fewer headaches per word reading l33t.

Someone mentioned the Eye of Argon... Thank you for the eyebleed

It's been a long time since I had a good laugh.

Myself, I'd like to see some intelligible character thumbs before he continues. These are, well, carp floating belly-up.

Red-belt Ninja-Spaniards? Yeeks. Red belts stand out on a dark roof.

I find it amusing that he's calling it a mix between some of the finest and worst fantasy literature ever published. My guess is that he's trying for Average, and as much as I dislike the work of the lesser of the two he said he was mixing, I daresay that the worst was still easier to read than the OP.

Just my opinion, Your Mileage May Vary.

-Sarena

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 18:47:33

Okay, Tried to read this again, and found I needed to pull it apart to read it at all. So why not lend the OP a hand while I'm at it.

Good folks
Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur. Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt
Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time.

Baroness Saint cross Barbariana Cruz Buenaventura= Barbarian from the tribes of the north, posseses Psyonics powers and mind offensive abilitys can convert arms to wepons. Wife of Mostus and mother of Damian.

Tossing an 'a' on the end of a common word doesn't make for a proper woman's name. I wouldn't name you Dorkin, please don't do it to us. Might want to ba a little clearer on what she can do. Seems to me you covered the entire gamut of D&D Psionics here.

Omegano D'Iguan= They call him the great and the king of reptile land is a cleric and protector of the Holay Profesay book the holy lizard scriptures.

Huh? You have an iguana-king that keeps the Lizard Prophecy. I think? You spelled Holy two different ways. I assume you did that a-purpose, but what that purpose is I have no idea. That said, he's one of the better ones so far. Mostly because there's little or nothing there to find fault with.

General Commander Centuriano D' Lizard= Son of Omegano and militia leader of the land. They call him "Straight Jacket" Expert in swords and electrical bo staff.

Wait.
They have batteries that are efficient enough to put in a stick? Nifty... That means I can bring Bob. Is Commander his name, like General Specific, or part of his rank... Commander over general things? Why call him "Straight Jacket"? Was 'I Love Me Jacket' taken?

Captain Greco San Salamandro= He is the best Sex counselor in his land, his afodisiacal fragrances the best wine maker and loves exotic food. He likes to flower and eye the beautiful maids in his land. Making the persecutor converted into the persecuted, his 2 troops called the Bachelor boys and the bunny girl warriors. His armor despicts a rose orchid heart with his two favorite wepons crossed a crossbow of speed and the blade boomerang. Allso known as Captain Casanova.

More detailed character here, and not one I'd want near me. If all of that is true, that's way too big a fluid tree for my safety. Also, shrink or Combat leader, he really needs to pick one. I don't think he had time for both.

Viscount Marmaduke= Wizard of the land and a powerfull transmuter. Practices white magic knowledged on dark socery is also a doctor of flora and fauna. Allways stuck in his chemestry lab and a very good advisor in dificult times together with King Omegano are the only 2 that can speak human tounge in the lizard world. Allso kindly known as Uncle Duke.

Need more background here. Not sure what's up with the lizards, but it needs some explanation. Especially if our Veteranarian/Florist/Wizard is going to do much with.

Lord Damian Montañez Cruz Buenaventura= Prince of reptiles Lord of Dragons. The long awaited leader to be born heretage the powers of his mother Barbariana and accidentally mutated by a encantation spell that went wrong of Marmaduke, has now a 55% human trait and 45% reptile traits. The eradicator of evil and main obstacle of Calibur's campain of slavery and evil. Damian's secret as his alter ego Danny Cruzada is only known by his major ranking leaders and by his royal mount Draco Puffard the green and gold cheast dragon.

Okay, finally someone that looks like they might be the MC. Hybrid creature, plus attitude, and shares secrets too freely when it comes to being Ebil. At least, that's how he reads.

Draco Puffard= The mighty mascot Dragon of the new castle of Draggonia. The braclets of binding that convert him into a mighty warrior given to him by his master. Tieing a unbrakeable bond of Damian's powers to share his owners mysticle traits.

Errr... Poor Dragon? I'm still lost, but I'm sure the next character will explain it. Oh, wait... We have bad guys next?

Bad Dudes

There are a number of things wrong here. Evil is most definitely not gender-based.

Tyrant Calibur= Also known as Osaca triburcio or the black dragon. A black belt hoded ninja/cleric that practices the dark arts. The nightmare and enslaver of the lizard kind. Devastator of humanity and main foe of Draggonia.

Again with the lizards. As a PA, you would think he'd be a little deeper. Could be worse, though. He could be a ninja too.

No, wait. He is.

Gaborah Gravestalker= The mascot of Calibur an excentric foul gargoyle/pit fiend the emasipator of his masters campain and dark magic.His blood is so poisonous that a drop creates a venonous creature and the blood of this create a chain reaccion of others.

How do they keep the population of little venomous beasties from swarming the Planet?

Don't recognize the word emasipator. There's a few things it could be, and not all of them nice.

Okies. I know I seem a bit snarky here, but honestly, if you brought that to me as part of a pitch, I'd toss it in the shredder. You need to clean up your spelling and grammar, especially if you're writing in English, for an English-speaking audience.

If I sent that to my agent, she'd take my head off. You might be able to make something out of what you have there, but I'd be hard-pressed to figure out how. Maybe a little of the text from the middle of the book? Might help us better determine how to help.

Not intentionally being a . Trying to tell you your work needs work. With other authors, I find that snarking and editorialism gets better results than telling someone "you suck" with no reason other than that.

-Sarena

#10

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 19:23:57

OMG!

Good job DS. Good way to work through that. Do you like English that much or just that bored?

#11

cherubaddon

Dec 27, 2009 19:33:54

I think something messed up your post...

No. Some things are best left to speak for themselves, and some things leave me speechless with laughter/cringing/wallbanging. This was the best of both worlds.

#12

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 19:53:00

OMG!
Good job DS. Good way to work through that. Do you like English that much or just that bored?

#13

cherubaddon

Dec 27, 2009 20:00:09

DS: You're taking this too seriously. He is either trolling, or else making an (ill-advised) attempt at yellowdingoesque satire. There's no way he's hoping or even considering coming up with, writing and publishing this outside of his pipedreams.

#14

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 20:08:56

DS: You're taking this too seriously. He is either trolling, or else making an (ill-advised) attempt at yellowdingoesque satire. There's no way he's hoping or even considering coming up with, writing and publishing this outside of his pipedreams.

I can only pray that one of those is the case. If he managed to get that past an agent/reader/editor etc as is, I'm going to cry.

-Sarena

#15

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 20:14:43

Honestly? A little of both, and then some.

I'm a published author, and spurious claims of publication annoy me... Especially when I know for fact I couldn't get away with that and sell even one copy. [/sblock]I've seen you sorta mention such before. my guess is that I've never read your works before. Unless you've worked with eddings or feist or that jordon guy with that wheel of time series.

He's (I think), looking for an artist to do his cover, and someone to write his book for him.
Urrrgh
Just looks to me like he pulled a bunch of unassociated things out of a couple of books he read, nom'd on them for an hour or two, and then spit them back out in the Forum for attention. I admit to not having had a lot of exposure as yet, but most editors look for basics, unless the writer is twelve, and has such a great idea that it's worth printing crap to get some exposure and sales.

Little things like those I pointed out.

#16

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 20:19:08

I've seen you sorta mention such before. my guess is that I've never read your works before. Unless you've worked with eddings or feist or that jordon guy with that wheel of time series.

Probably not. As stated, I haven't had a lot of exposure as yet. Still working on that part. On the other hand, I've been going about things a little differently than the OP. Knowing a little bit about the industry, I want to wave the little red and brown flag when I see people making these claims.

-Sarena

#17

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 20:23:15

You guys have flags?

#18

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 20:27:56

Yep... That one is a signal for Penn and Teller and the Showtime cameras to descend on the person in question with extreme meanness.

It's called the bull**** flag.

-Sarena

#19

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 20:34:03

Pen and Teller ain't funny no more. They done gone got worn out like pappy's ol' shoes wearded to the county fair on the fourth o' July.

um, what I mean to say is that their shtick is old and over used. I guess KGM would call that trite or something, but I don't know what jumping spiders have to do with it.

#20

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 21:23:52

Penn and Teller don't have to be funny. They just have to do their homework, IMO. That, they can be counted on to do more often than not.

-Sarena

#21

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 21:28:05

Homework is not fun. If they do their homework then I'm going to go out and say that they are not fun.

when I was a little rat kid I thought they were all funny and stuff. now that I'm older and wiser like I don't like them but that could be because they seem more serious now (political) while still doing their dumb shtick.

edit

And get workin' on that catgirl thingy in that one thread of yours. Maybe make a swimsuit series for those catgirl fanbois.

yeah.... for those fanbois....

#22

darkspartan

Dec 27, 2009 23:52:12

Show

Working on the crunch now, trying to get something solid, balanced, and not duplicated to go with the fluff from the original game. Not as easy as it looks. I've run through 30 variations thus far, and they all come out at level 30 either way OP, or not nearly competitive.

#23

dirtyfrank

Dec 27, 2009 23:58:13

response

Show
Working on the crunch now, trying to get something solid, balanced, and not duplicated to go with the fluff from the original game. Not as easy as it looks. I've run through 30 variations thus far, and they all come out at level 30 either way OP, or not nearly competitive.

#24

darkspartan

Dec 28, 2009 0:29:37

It's 4e, and I want it to be right the first time.

-Sarena

#25

dirtyfrank

Dec 28, 2009 1:01:55

I find the 4e easy for a few reasons. the main one being that all the races seem to follow the same general format. It can probably actually be written down in a little template. hmmm. maybe I'll write something up or something soon and can send it to you in like a pm. if you'd like.

#26

pigknight

Dec 28, 2009 1:11:25

Me, of all people, is going to get this back on topic with:

Epic failz!
1) I couldn't understand your OP at all.
2) WotC now owns your characters for all intents and purposes.
3) Eragon + LotR = Average at best.

#27

dirtyfrank

Dec 28, 2009 1:44:33

Brought to you by the color blue

(blue is the sad color for those that are color challenged)

#28

darkspartan

Dec 28, 2009 3:46:18

If you'd like, Frank. At least that way WotC won't own our giblets :P

Although, tbh, I doubt sincerely they'd prevent us from publishing whatever without them, or even their consent. After all, they've had first crack at it already.

Not sure they'd want this regardless...

-Sarena

#29

volcano

Dec 28, 2009 4:12:31

Okay, Tried to read this again, and found I needed to pull it apart to read it at all. So why not lend the OP a hand while I'm at it.

Good folks
Baron Mostus Aurelio Montañez= Last decendant of King Arthur. Masters ninjitsu and is a red belt
Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time.

Baroness Saint cross Barbariana Cruz Buenaventura= Barbarian from the tribes of the north, posseses Psyonics powers and mind offensive abilitys can convert arms to wepons. Wife of Mostus and mother of Damian.

Tossing an 'a' on the end of a common word doesn't make for a proper woman's name. I wouldn't name you Dorkin, please don't do it to us. Might want to ba a little clearer on what she can do. Seems to me you covered the entire gamut of D&D Psionics here.

Omegano D'Iguan= They call him the great and the king of reptile land is a cleric and protector of the Holay Profesay book the holy lizard scriptures.

Huh? You have an iguana-king that keeps the Lizard Prophecy. I think? You spelled Holy two different ways. I assume you did that a-purpose, but what that purpose is I have no idea. That said, he's one of the better ones so far. Mostly because there's little or nothing there to find fault with.

General Commander Centuriano D' Lizard= Son of Omegano and militia leader of the land. They call him "Straight Jacket" Expert in swords and electrical bo staff.

Wait.
They have batteries that are efficient enough to put in a stick? Nifty... That means I can bring Bob. Is Commander his name, like General Specific, or part of his rank... Commander over general things? Why call him "Straight Jacket"? Was 'I Love Me Jacket' taken?

Captain Greco San Salamandro= He is the best Sex counselor in his land, his afodisiacal fragrances the best wine maker and loves exotic food. He likes to flower and eye the beautiful maids in his land. Making the persecutor converted into the persecuted, his 2 troops called the Bachelor boys and the bunny girl warriors. His armor despicts a rose orchid heart with his two favorite wepons crossed a crossbow of speed and the blade boomerang. Allso known as Captain Casanova.

More detailed character here, and not one I'd want near me. If all of that is true, that's way too big a fluid tree for my safety. Also, shrink or Combat leader, he really needs to pick one. I don't think he had time for both.

Viscount Marmaduke= Wizard of the land and a powerfull transmuter. Practices white magic knowledged on dark socery is also a doctor of flora and fauna. Allways stuck in his chemestry lab and a very good advisor in dificult times together with King Omegano are the only 2 that can speak human tounge in the lizard world. Allso kindly known as Uncle Duke.

Need more background here. Not sure what's up with the lizards, but it needs some explanation. Especially if our Veteranarian/Florist/Wizard is going to do much with.

Lord Damian Montañez Cruz Buenaventura= Prince of reptiles Lord of Dragons. The long awaited leader to be born heretage the powers of his mother Barbariana and accidentally mutated by a encantation spell that went wrong of Marmaduke, has now a 55% human trait and 45% reptile traits. The eradicator of evil and main obstacle of Calibur's campain of slavery and evil. Damian's secret as his alter ego Danny Cruzada is only known by his major ranking leaders and by his royal mount Draco Puffard the green and gold cheast dragon.

Okay, finally someone that looks like they might be the MC. Hybrid creature, plus attitude, and shares secrets too freely when it comes to being Ebil. At least, that's how he reads.

Draco Puffard= The mighty mascot Dragon of the new castle of Draggonia. The braclets of binding that convert him into a mighty warrior given to him by his master. Tieing a unbrakeable bond of Damian's powers to share his owners mysticle traits.

Errr... Poor Dragon? I'm still lost, but I'm sure the next character will explain it. Oh, wait... We have bad guys next?

Bad Dudes

There are a number of things wrong here. Evil is most definitely not gender-based.

Tyrant Calibur= Also known as Osaca triburcio or the black dragon. A black belt hoded ninja/cleric that practices the dark arts. The nightmare and enslaver of the lizard kind. Devastator of humanity and main foe of Draggonia.

Again with the lizards. As a PA, you would think he'd be a little deeper. Could be worse, though. He could be a ninja too.

No, wait. He is.

Gaborah Gravestalker= The mascot of Calibur an excentric foul gargoyle/pit fiend the emasipator of his masters campain and dark magic.His blood is so poisonous that a drop creates a venonous creature and the blood of this create a chain reaccion of others.

How do they keep the population of little venomous beasties from swarming the Planet?

Don't recognize the word emasipator. There's a few things it could be, and not all of them nice.

Okies. I know I seem a bit snarky here, but honestly, if you brought that to me as part of a pitch, I'd toss it in the shredder. You need to clean up your spelling and grammar, especially if you're writing in English, for an English-speaking audience.

If I sent that to my agent, she'd take my head off. You might be able to make something out of what you have there, but I'd be hard-pressed to figure out how. Maybe a little of the text from the middle of the book? Might help us better determine how to help.

Not intentionally being a . Trying to tell you your work needs work. With other authors, I find that snarking and editorialism gets better results than telling someone "you suck" with no reason other than that.

-Sarena

#30

darkspartan

Dec 28, 2009 7:00:30

I cringe at the thought that someone is going behind you to clean up.

They're either a complete Saint, or you're really onto something. I know where my money is...

You never did answer my question, Ralph. What is your Home Language?

-Sarena

#31

zombie_babies

Dec 28, 2009 9:38:39

Red belt of what? Black is the traditional color of mastery in Oriental Martial Arts. Can't be a red-belt and a Master of Ninjitsu at the same time.

Just to be a butthead, this isn't the case. Master and Grandmaster rank have colors other than black. Red or red and white are used for Master/Grandmaster in certain styles, for example. I know this to be true because I've actually seen people of this rank wear these belts. Yep. /butthead

OP: I think the major flaw in your writing is that it's too obvious. If you really want to troll, start of by naming the world something other than Dragonnia or whatever dreck you made up. When it's that obvious, you ain't gonna catch nuthin' with yer bait. For example, were I to try and catch, say, a brown trout with a fly rod - they're notoriously picky eaters when it comes to bait - by tossin' out a line baited with a flashing neon sign that read 'I'm bait, bite me!', I'd never get even a nibble. Subtlety ftw.

#32

volcano

Dec 28, 2009 16:36:42

Sarena I moved here to Puerto Rico from Brooklyn New York in 1975 I started here 7th grade at the age of 12 I am now 45 practicing spanish with hardly a chance to give my english a chance has made a few minor puddles in my penmenship but still I trust on my well being to survive inspite of my drawbacks in a minor hand tremor heretaged by dads side consecuence of my life and death birth Heavenly Lord gave me a chance to live.Born with my head tilted towards my back one side without movement and the sack that hold my vital baby liquid broke at 8 months towards my birth leaving me without protection for the remaining month.I was saved by seseria but dad had sighned the hospital papers so mom could live if I died.So please be patient with my ways I am giving my best shot at this realese and I won't deception my readers knowing that I wouldn't be writing this to you if the marvelous profesionals at what use to be Sister Elizabeth Hospital gave me a chance by God's love to be sharing a bit of my miracle birth with my future readers of my novel.This is more than you had expected for an answer but with this I pray I have found friends in this forum and trust in my virtues.Blessings to all Ralph.
Post data: I refer to red belt in Mostus since I asociate this with the classes of Tai cuan dow I took in New York. I reached green belt before I moved to P.R. So my followup in Mostus ranking belt made Calibur a more dangerous foe since he was gaining knowledge thru the seed of evil germinating quickly in Osaca's soul.

#33

darkspartan

Dec 28, 2009 21:00:00

Sarena I moved here to Puerto Rico from Brooklyn New York in 1975 I started here 7th grade at the age of 12 I am now 45 practicing spanish with hardly a chance to give my english a chance has made a few minor puddles in my penmenship but still I trust on my well being to survive inspite of my drawbacks in a minor hand tremor heretaged by dads side consecuence of my life and death birth Heavenly Lord gave me a chance to live.

I defy you to find a period in this paragraph, other than the one at the end. Mind you, I only grabbed half the original paragraph. Thirty-four years of Spanish or not, one doesn't just lose their original language. Last I heard, they knew what punctuation was for, too.

Post data: I refer to red belt in Mostus since I asociate this with the classes of Tai cuan dow I took in New York. I reached green belt before I moved to P.R. So my followup in Mostus ranking belt made Calibur a more dangerous foe since he was gaining knowledge thru the seed of evil germinating quickly in Osaca's soul.

This I did not know, thank you for the clarification. I know that some arts have Red in the sub-black structure. If this is the case, why not leave it at Master of his Art? Makes it sound like he has two.

-Sarena