And here we go:
Why do they call it Neverwinter?
Because it's never winter...
Where's your question? We seem to be off to a bumpy start...
What is a Spelldoom?
How high is a Halfling?
How high is a Halfling?
depends how much he has puffed on his pipe.
How many dwarves can a goliathe toss in a minute?
How high is a Halfling?
depends how much he has puffed on his pipe.
How many dwarves can a goliathe toss in a minute?
However many he can find.
Do dragons pee?
However many he can find.
Do dragons pee?
Of course they poo, silly.
Why do elves like trees?
Why do elves like trees?
the answer should be obvious. they're trees!
why don't dwarves like trees?
Why do elves like trees?
the answer should be obvious. they're trees!
why don't dwarves like trees?
the answer should be obvious. they're dwarves!
what do dwarves like?
How many caverns must a dwarf walk down before you can call him a dwarf?
Why do wizards always wear funny hats ?
Why do wizards always wear funny hats?
Funny hats fit their funny heads.
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen Roc?
Why does the Chimera have two mammal heads and one reptilian ?
What do half-orcs eat for breakfast?
Why are gnomes so tasty?
How deep is the abyss?
How far is the Far Realm?
Much like their distant cousins the smurf's they evolved from colourful fruit.
EDIT:
How far is the Far Realm?
It's acctually not that far, wich is strange considering it's name. Much closer than "Middle of nowhere" and "X"
Considering the existance of half orcs and half elves....Are there any half humans ?
What do you get when you combine an orc and a hobgoblin?
Where do giants learn to read?
Which class has the most class out of all the classy classes?
Why can't pointy-ear races be more like Vulcans?
Why can't pointy-ear races be more like Vulcans?
because vulcans copyrighted themselves.
What are the grappling rules again?
Why can't pointy-ear races be more like Vulcans?
because vulcans copyrighted themselves.
What are the grappling rules again?
Only Wednesdays, when you wear your "business socks."
Do Warlocks dream of infernal sheep?
Only Wednesdays, when you wear your "business socks."
Do Warlocks dream of infernal sheep?
Of course, dreaming of anything else would be bahsphemous.
Does anyone truly remember the Forgotten Realms?
What shade of grey was Greyhawk?
Why are dragons so big and old and magical?
Why are dragons so big and old and magical?
Compensation.
What would Pun-Pun be in a 4e game?
What do you call errata that gets erratard?
Can I store my pet mimic inside another mimic?
What's the difference between a Cleric of Pelor and Tiamat's fat hindparts?
...What, you were expecting the classic reply?
How many shards could a shardmind mind if a shardmind could mind shards?
several.
A shardmind walks into a bar... (what happens?)
Why isn't this Thread in the Off-Topic Tavern?
Now back to the funny:
If a wilden were to star in a cheesy '80s action flick, what would be the corny title?
"One tree too many"
What class would darth vader make? (some hybrid combo?)
"One tree too many"
What class would darth vader make? (some hybrid combo?)
None. Darth Vader doesn't give a Sith.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
"One tree too many"
What class would darth vader make? (some hybrid combo?)
None. Darth Vader doesn't give a Sith.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Lead.
Why can Dirty Harry never get clean?
What time is it when a drow eats your mutton chop?
What time is it if the drow eat your Knights of the Dinner Table?
Is Orcus still a solo if he has a back-up band?
Is Orcus still a solo if he has a back-up band?
Ask his manager.
How do you pronounce Juiblex?
How do you pronounce Juiblex?
with proper annunciation
if all wizzels are wuzzles, and some wuzzles are wazzels, are all wazzles wizzles?
How do you pronounce Juiblex?
with proper annunciation
if all wizzels are wuzzles, and some wuzzles are wazzels, are all wazzles wizzles?
That would depend on whether all wazzels are wuzzels...
If a revenant mates with a deva, what will the children be?
If a revenant mates with a deva, what will the children be?
Whatever child Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts would have produced.
Who do the gods pray to?
What does a Vorpol sword do to a Beholder?
How funny is this thread?
Make it look sharp
How funny is this thread?
Funny enough to get you fired.
Where did all the sheep go?
Warren, the warlord|warlock warforged, warmongers where?
Pathfinder.
Warren, the warlord|warlock warforged, warmongers where?
Warshington.
Why is everyone on the other side of the world upside-down?
Why is everyone on the other side of the world upside-down?
Because if they weren't, their heads would be stuck in the ground.
Why do you leave a tip at sit-down restaurants, but not at McDonalds?
Why does it always rain on the weekends?
Why doesnt Magic Missile autohit, or does it?
Why doesnt Magic Missile autohit, or does it?
Only The Shadow knows... (Well, and the Dev team... and anybody who's read the latest update...and psychics)
If a beholder can't see, is it still a beholder?
Why don't orcs make very good bards?
Why do halflings make very good barbarians?
Wouldn't you be seriously pissed-off if you were only four feet tall?
Do halfling barbarians count as offhand weapons?
How many dwarfs would a dwarf chuck chuck?
Are artificers good artists?
Only if they're drawn and quartered.
Where are my keys?
Only if they're drawn and quartered.
Where are my keys?
In the freezer. (hey, it actually happened to me)
Are koboldsicles marketable?
Why can't shifters dance?
Why do those wizards by the seashore have to change the world's laws of physics every few months?
Tea and cake or death?
Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine for all the chicks?
Neither, I'm Baptist.
Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine for all the chicks?
Bob Dylan.
Really, what the hell are dreams made out of?
Why isn't there a Power Word: Sandwich?
Is this thread funny?
Well, it once did, but wizzards got tired of spilling the mayonnaise pm their spellbooks.
Is this thread funny?
Funny as a Bunny.
Why female Dwarves have two beards ?
Why psions have halos?
If you can only make 1 free action a turn, is it really free?
Do an elf's ears always point due north?
What animal does Spam come from?
What animal does Spam come from?
Ochre jellies
What animal does Spam come from?
Ochre jellies
(you forgot a question, so let me fix that)
Why does spam come from ochre jellies?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie RollTM lollipop?
When a mommy ochre jelly and a daddy ochre jelly love each other very much...
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie RollTM lollipop?
Depends how well you roll your tongue attack versus it's yummy defense. Or you can burn your daily bite attack.
Do Warforged dream of electric sheep?
Why do warlock's curse people so much?
Bbaaahhh! That's rediculous, warforged dream of anvils.
Why do warlock's curse people so much?
Because they're played by Joe Pesci.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Because they're played by Joe Pesci.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Fresh blue paint that has been painted red. Duh.
What's that tower over there?
What did Vecna tell Ioun?
Why is Lucas an idiot?
What IS eating Gilbert Grape?
Why does a succubus have nothing to do with buses?
Bus drivers find it insulting.
Why does the man on the moon never talk?
Because they would errata - pardon me - update such cheese!
Really?
I hate to do it, but how the f*ck do magnets work?
If the old magic missile and the new magic missile got in a fight, who would win?
If Mike Mearls were a jeopardy answer, what would be the question?
If Mike Mearls were a jeopardy answer, what would be the question?
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew?
Who currently possesses the Head of Vecna?
Why don't Eladrin have pupils?
The Heads of State.
Why don't Eladrin have pupils?
They make bad mentors.
Who really shot the sheriff?
They make bad mentors.
Who really shot the sheriff?
I shot hte sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
If I punted a gnome and you tossed a dwarf, which of the two will land first?
They make bad mentors.
Who really shot the sheriff?
I shot hte sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
If I punted a gnome and you tossed a dwarf, which of the two will land first?
The halfling.
Are dragonborn related to the platypus?
Who really shot the deputy?
What's the second cheese in a five-cheese pizza?
Frost cheese. The others are radiant mafia, feychargers, and... oh, you said pizza...
Me Jozan... You Mialee?
Frost cheese. The others are radiant mafia, feychargers, and... oh, you said pizza...
Me Jozan... You Mialee?
No. Me Heap Dizzy.
Does anyone have a nice D&D bedtime story?
No. Me Heap Dizzy.
Does anyone have a nice D&D bedtime story?
*gesture gesture* Sleep.
Why is the rum gone?
Do halflings need footstools?
No, they use toadstools. Wait...maybe that was the Smurfs.
If I'm a ranger and I use Twin Strike, how do I know which one's Mary-Kate and which one's Ashley?
If I'm a half-elf and I used dilletante to get Twin Strike, is it miners or dock-workers?
Dockworkers. Only dwarven rangers can get miners.
If Paris Hilton was a character race, would she have the "Celebutante" racial power?
What do you get when cross an orc with a troll?
The ability to ingest copious amounts of drugs and alchohol in public without shame or fear of arrest is a class feature not a racial power.
What do you get when cross an orc with a troll?
the same thing as if you cross an owl with a bungie-cord.
If Demagorgon has four human corpses, and Orcus had five, why don't they shut up and eat already?
the same thing as if you cross an owl with a bungie-cord.
If Demagorgon has four human corpses, and Orcus had five, why don't they shut up and eat already?
Because they're out of ketchup.
Was a gnoll the second gunner on the grassy knoll?
Was a gnoll the second gunner on the grassy knoll?
This is simply the result of a compound typo in the Warren Report. It was a gassy gnoll, and there was no second gunner.
WHat do trolls call forum flamers?
This is simply the result of a compound typo in the Warren Report. It was a gassy gnoll, and there was no second gunner.
WHat do trolls call forum flamers?
Gnomes.
would you like fries with that Dire Badger??
What's the light at the end of the tunnel?
Why can't my cat speak like a lolcat?
Why does Orcus have nothing to do with orcs?
Who is the only man on Faerun that Elminster fears?
Why are chili dogs with bacon so damn good?
Why are chili dogs with bacon so damn good?
They're from 2e and alignment just worked that way back then.
Who won the edition war?
They're from 2e and alignment just worked that way back then.
Who won the edition war?
Blizzard
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Depends on the given woodchucking power.
Why did the Paladin cross the road?
Do owlbears say "whooo"?
Do owlbears say "whooo"?
Yes, if they're drunk at a sporting event.
What's taters, precious?
What's taters, precious?
An aging blue collar comedian from Texas.
Why is Bigsby so damn handsy?
Why is Tenser so tense?
Why is Tenser so tense?
He has a slipped disk.
Why does Rary's memory need enhancing?
Why does Rary's memory need enhancing?
The famous wizards drew straws to determine which spells they'd make. He forgot about and subsequently lost his straw.
What was Melf the Elf thinking when he elected to be known to the masses as "Melf the Elf?"
The famous wizards drew straws to determine which spells they'd make. He forgot about and subsequently lost his straw.
What was Melf the Elf thinking when he elected to be known to the masses as "Melf the Elf?"
He was thinking, "I wonder if my cat's breath smells like cat food?"
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
all of it with one chuck.
What is the goal of DnD?
What is the goal of DnD?
Enter monster lairs, kill them, and take their stuff.
How do you win at D&D?
What is the goal of DnD?
Enter monster lairs, kill them, and take their stuff.
How do you win at D&D?
you don't. If someone actually won at D&D, this would mean someone would lose. Losing is bad and we cannot allow our precious young people to experience the trauma that comes with losing. It might damage their self-esteem. So in D&D, EVERYBODY WINS!!! HOORAY!!! EVEN THE ORCS!!! YIPPEE!!!!
If Willie Mays were a D&D character, what would his race, class, paragon path and epic destiny be, and what kind of a weapon would he use?
Should DMs have a statblock?
PC's can't be gods, silly power gamer.
Should DMs have a statblock?
DMS Do Have Statblocks, Its just invisible.
What Do you get when you cross a slash and bash player with a overboard roleplaying junkie?
Alot of missing dice and bruises as they attack each other for not playing their style.
Why does Drizzt have so many fan boys?
What Do you get when you cross a slash and bash player with a overboard roleplaying junkie?--Thako
Alot of missing dice and bruises as they attack each other for not playing their style.
Why does Drizzt have so many fan boys?
Silly Home Boy! Drizzit is Eveybody Homie!
Besides he pretty much said Puck you Drow! So even drow haters love that Homie Kidz!
Why is it hard to find fellow People who are willing to DM A Decent game by not going wild with the ruleset. When you are normaly the DM who wants to be a PC For a change?
Silly Home Boy! Drizzit is Eveybody Homie!
Besides he pretty much said Puck you Drow! So even drow haters love that Homie Kidz!
Why is it hard to find fellow People who are willing to DM A Decent game by not going wild with the ruleset. When you are normaly the DM who wants to be a PC For a change?
Translator!
What happens when a mimic mimics a mimic?
B/c everyone is out to outdo you as a DM, or overload your DM senses forcing you back into the role.
What happens when a mimic mimics a mimic?
It creates an endless loop of mimicing that actually forces the stars to align and Lord Cthulhu to rise.
How does one that is dead lie dreaming?
Why do androids dream of electric sheep?
Why would someone combine anime and cthulhu to create Cthulhutech? (Which actually isn't to bad...really different though)
How did we get on cathulu?
becasue even Cathulu needs an interdimensional hammer of pwnage.
How did we get on cathulu?
By climbing up his billion tentacles until we were on top of him.
Where did I leave my keys?
becasue even Cathulu needs an interdimensional hammer of pwnage.
How did we get on cathulu?
By climbing up his billion tentacles until we were on top of him.
Where did I leave my keys?
On Jharii's backseat, next to her G.
What was Vault doing in Jharii's car ?
What was Vault doing in Jharii's car ?
Looking for his keys.
Does Vecna's lack of depth perception mean he still has to roll to hit with the new magic missile?
Does Vecna's lack of depth perception mean he still has to roll to hit with the new magic missile?
that's a secret only Vecna knows.
Who's your daddy?
Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego?
What is a dopplegangster?
Yes. That is the answer.
What is a dopplegangster?
A Changeling from the G Unit
What is the price of a pair of boots in 4E ?
What does that have to do with the price of fish?
Thruppence.
What does that have to do with the price of fish?
So you dont get your feet wet when you walk down to the lake.
What is Science in a Roleplay Fantasy based game?
Why does the paladin's feet smell?
Why does the paladin's feet smell?
He took the athlete's feat.
What was the name of Orcus' ex-wife?
Why does the paladin's feet smell?
He took the athlete's feat.
What was the name of Orcus' ex-wife?
You Should know it was YOU!
Why Do People hate Tree huggers? They just want your wuving!
Why Do People hate Tree huggers? They just want your wuving!
Because, as many treants will attest to, sexual harassment is wrong.
Who will win the blood war?
Why Do People hate Tree huggers? They just want your wuving!
Because, as many treants will attest to, sexual harassment is wrong.
Who will win the blood war?
The Blood War Who will win it? Why THE Golems Of Course THEY Have no blood so they cant give any away! Thus they steal eveyone eles blood!
Who Will win the Super Bowl in the year 3000? Provided of course there is a super bowl that year.
Who Will win the Super Bowl in the year 3000? Provided of course there is a super bowl that year.
The MicroAppleMart Flying Cyberwolves.
What will be the best Necromancer feat in Heroes of Shadow?
Can I put feat taxes on my tax returns as a business expense?
Can I put feat taxes on my tax returns as a business expense?
Only if you itemize but don't amortize.
Can a shifter mate with a lycanthrope?
Where do Paladin's keep finding their 'sticks'?
Why did the cleric cross the road?
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
To get to the graveyard on the other side.
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Nothing. I'll leave the seaman handling to the experts.
What's the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite?
To get to the graveyard on the other side.
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Nothing. I'll leave the seaman handling to the experts.
What's the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite?
Stalactites are uncomfortable, stalagmites bite you in your sleep.
When did Necrophilia and Beastiality become socially acceptable.
Who's the master?
Who's the master?
Jean-Claude
Who's the servant?
Why isn't the power source for Bards 'Rock'?
Just where was that wolf keeping those eleven silver pieces?
Because that's how they roll.
Just where was that wolf keeping those eleven silver pieces?
in the pockets of grandma's robe
can a werewolf get rabies?
can a werewolf get rabies?
If they don't wear protection.
Can one be a vampire, lich and death knight at the same time?
Only if they take the appropriate feats!
If a Beholder and a Purple worm had a baby, what would it look like?
If a Beholder and a Purple worm had a baby, what would it look like?
Like this.
How many Opportunity Attacks can a fighter take in a turn?
What's the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite?
Stalactights are what dancers wear. Stalagmites are nasty bugs related to ticks and belonging th the class Arachnida. If you ever had to cram your legs into the former and try to walk like a duck, or got bitten by an infestation of the latter you wouldn't forget the difference!
If d20 is the most important die in 4e, what's the least important?
How many Opportunity Attacks can a fighter take in a turn?
Depends on how opportunistic the fighter is.
If you used Turn Undead on a Twilight vampire, what would happen?
I hope it means I would get my money back for date night. Never did call that girl back. There are some things you just can't do to a man...
Depends on how opportunistic the fighter is.
If you used Turn Undead on a Twilight vampire, what would happen?
I'd receive airbrushed abs.
Will someone please send all Twilight related garbage to the abyss?
Ever have those moments where you can't think of a question?
If d20 is the most important die in 4e, what's the least important?
That would be my 3 sided die.
Depends on how opportunistic the fighter is.
If you used Turn Undead on a Twilight vampire, what would happen?
I'd receive airbrushed abs.
Will someone please send all Twilight related garbage to the abyss?
Where do you think you are?
Ad Libs time,
If a PC tried to ride a Throne of Dominion on a Tensors Floating Disc...
We have. We've sent the rest to the Nine Hells, Far Realm, a nearby black hole and New Jersey.
Ever have those moments where you can't think of a question?
To answer that, this is one of those moments where I can't think of an answer.
If a remorhaz, a beholder and an elder brain had a dance contest, who would win?
What can free Tharizdun?
What can free Tharizdun?
Bolt cutters.
Is my party going to fail when they finally face Orcus next week at the end of E3?
Why does Orcus have horns?
Why does Orcus have horns?
To fend off the voices.
If Ki had become a power source, what would the Psionic types think of it?
If Ki had become a power source, what would the Psionic types think of it?
We wouldn't know because they would be thinking back and forth to each other with telepathy while we stood there completely oblivious.
Can you roll a bluff check while using telepathy to impersonate someone else's voice inside their own head to make them think they want to do something they don't?
Why don't politicians roll diplomacy and bluff?
Why don't politicians roll diplomacy and bluff?
They play 5th Edition in which diplomacy and bluff have been consolidated into the Lie skill.
What race/class combination would George Washington be in D&D?
Why do some doors open in and some open out.
Why do some doors open in and some open out.
Doors that open out are actually un-doors closing in.
Why don't dwarves move out of the mountains, shave their beards and get a job?
George Washington would be a Virginian Wood cutter
Why do some doors open in and some open out.
Because some doors have hinges on the inside, whilst other have hinges on the outside.
Which D&D product would you never buy, no matter how cheap?
Because some doors have hinges on the inside, whilst other have hinges on the outside.
Which D&D product would you never buy, no matter how cheap?
Elminster V. Drizzt: Which one is TEH SUXX0RZ!!!!
Why don't dwarves move out of the mountains, shave their beards and get a job?
Because then the dwarf women wouldn't be allowed to strip mine.
Strip mine what?
Strip mine what?
Your second island, obviously.
What does an orc most like to receive on its birthday?
Strip mine what?
Your second island, obviously.
What does an orc most like to receive on its birthday?
nothing orcs are created they do not have birthdays
if you talk dirty in supernal does it still sound naughty?
nothing orcs are created they do not have birthdays
if you talk dirty in supernal does it still sound naughty?
Nope. It sounds like talking dirty in French.
Why can the French only fight on the pitch? (Zidane, I'm lookin' at you!)
I would explain, but you american would not understand the subtility of it all.
Why is it liquids and not solids that come out when I do my number 2?
Because you eat women.
Why isn't it spelled "polieticians"?
Because you eat women.
Why isn't it spelled "polieticians"?
it is.
What has happend to this thread?
Marginal benefit fell below marginal cost.
What is the exchange rate of 10 astral diamonds to gold pieces?
if a jibbering beast talks to a jibbering beast what happens?
Don't characters notice when the theme music changes?
Don't characters notice when the theme music changes?
Sure they do. But it's like white folk and haunted houses. No effect on reason and wisdom.
What is the advantage to playing a stereotypical, two-dimensional PC?
What is the advantage to playing a stereotypical, two-dimensional PC?
You don't have to get a headache from wearing those awful glasses.
What are the benefits of playing an 11-dimensional PC?
What is the advantage to playing a stereotypical, two-dimensional PC?
You don't have to get a headache from wearing those awful glasses.
What are the benefits of playing an 11-dimensional PC?
You a free extradimensional plane.
Why would anyone choose commoner as class? (stupid NPCs!)
What is the advantage to playing a stereotypical, two-dimensional PC?
You don't have to get a headache from wearing those awful glasses.
What are the benefits of playing an 11-dimensional PC?
You a free extradimensional plane.
Why would anyone choose commoner as class? (stupid NPCs!)
There are so many of them Hence the term, "commoner."
How would you define a "commoner" who is a "noble"?
why is it that QFT could be quite fing true, or quit fing talking?
why is it that QFT could be quite fing true, or quit fing talking?
QFT!!!
What happens when a Minotaur walks into a China shop?
QFT!!!
What happens when a Minotaur walks into a China shop?
Yawn. I've heard that story before. It's half bull.
To Metallica dragons all sound the same?
Do Metallica dragons all sound the same?
Only to the unrefined ear.
What sex is your wilden?
If an Otyugh eats dung, then what does it produce after digestion?
Judging from the bees that constantly attack it, must be male.
If an Otyugh eats dung, then what does it produce after digestion?
Dramatic Music: Dung! Dung! Dung!
What is the least common type of lycanthrope?
What god has bad puns as part of their domains?
Do goblin war horns sound like vuvuzelas?
Do goblin war horns sound like vuvuzelas?
The goblins wish their war horns were so devastating!
Which nation wins the Futbol World Cup... in Eberron!
How do you pronounce svirfneblin?!?
If a werewolf druid and a shifter druid mate in animal form after getting bloodied, what do they produce?
Bad S&M furry porn
What do you get when you cross a Deep Gnome with a High Elf?
What do you get when you cross a Deep Gnome with a High Elf?
Dungeon Master
How many free actions do you get in a turn?
Is it still a minor action if she said she was 18?
As many as you can carry -- they're free!
Is it still a minor action if she said she was 18?
in your case ... probably yes
can cats still kill commoners?
Do dogs chase catgirls?
Only with the cuteness power. It melts brains to mush.
Do dogs chase catgirls?
Yes, we do!
Just how much IS a peck of pickled peppers?
What class best fits George Washington?
What class best fits George Washington?
First grade American History.
Do two single bolds equal a Co-bold?
Yes, but only in states were co-bold usage is legal.
Will the 2011 campaign setting for D&D be Diablo 3?
Yes, but only in states were co-bold usage is legal.
Will the 2011 campaign setting for D&D be Diablo 3?
No, Atari's license also prevents D&D from making books about video games.
What is the Raven Queen's real name?
Why did my game with a bunch of Theatre Majors not go well?
Why did my game with a bunch of Theatre Majors not go well?
Because Jazz Hands is a terrible attack power.
What's the best weapon to use against a Twilight "vampire"?
Can I have a mountain dew?
Can I have a mountain dew?
Only if you attack the darkness.
Where are the Cheetos?
Where are the Cheetos?
Reply hazy, please try again.
Who would win: A toddler, Skeletor, or Gargamel?
Where are the Cheetos?
Reply hazy, please try again.
Who would win: A toddler, Skeletor, or Gargamel?
Depends on who Mike Ditka is coaching. He would probably be coaching the toddler (since the kid's last name is Grabowski), so the kid wins.
Got milk?
I can has cheezburger?
Nope drank it after my cookie.
I can has cheezburger?
Lol. Catz.
Who actually believes that "reality" shows are real?
Lol. Catz.
Who actually believes that "reality" shows are real?
Well, reality shows do exist.
What is your favorite flavor of D&D Jones Soda?
What is your favorite flavor of D&D Jones Soda?
Bulletteberry fizz.
Is there a dangerous monster on the ceiling?
Is there a dangerous monster on the ceiling?
No, cause it just landed on your character.
How do you tell if she's a witch?
Will Bahamut and Tiamat ever make up?
From the pointy hat, silly.
Will Bahamut and Tiamat ever make up?
Never. But that makes me wonder...
Who is Will Bahamut?
Why did Corellon shoot out Gruumsh's eye?
Why are the Dragon Knights in the Lego Kingdoms set the bad guys?
Why are the Dragon Knights in the Lego Kingdoms set the bad guys?
When they drew bricks to see who had to, they got the small one.
Why are rogues better at disarming a trap than discovering it?
Why are rogues better at disarming a trap than discovering it?
Because that's what the barbarian's for.
Why isn't the 10' pole available in the equiptment list anymore?
Because that's what the barbarian's for.
Why isn't the 10' pole available in the equiptment list anymore?
The people that owned 5' poles kept buying Jaguars and DeLorians to compensate.
What is in the bottom of that well over there?
Why isn't there Platypus folk or at least a Were-Platypus in D&D?
Is it actually a D&D adventure if no one refrences Monty Python?
Is it actually a D&D adventure if no one refrences Monty Python?
Idle talk will lead to trouble.
Why don't wizards wear plate armor?
Why didn't Gandalf cast more spells?
Why is an eggplant not an egg or a plant?
because he had used all of his dailies b4 fighting the balrog.
Why is an eggplant not an egg or a plant?
Actually it is a plant, but it's an aberrant plant from the Far Realm, and should be cropping up in the DM Competition at any moment.
How many halflings does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many halflings does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3/3.5 halflings: 5. 4E halflings: 1.
If there are halflings, why aren't there quarterlings or wholelings?
Why do people like gnomes?
How many halflings does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3/3.5 halflings: 5. 4E halflings: 1.
If there are halflings, why aren't there quarterlings or wholelings?
Because you didn't spend $39.95 for the latest supplement that includes those races.
Edit - LizardMage posted at almost the same time, so I'll let his latest question take precedence.
So, we are at a fork in the road.....left or right?
So, we are at a fork in the road.....left or right?
That depends on whether it is a salad fork or a dinner fork.
Speaking of which, what is the best dressing for a grey slaad?
Speaking of which, what is the best dressing for a grey slaad?
Armani.
Where does a grey slaad go in an Armani suit?
Lunch at Cipriani's with Asmodeus
But, as a creature of absolute chaos, is he allowed to order the wine that goes with his fish?
But, as a creature of absolute chaos, is he allowed to order the wine that goes with his fish?
He may, but only because it starts with a letter he randomly chose at the time he ordered.
Where do the chaotic neutral representatives lie in a 4e alignment system?
Where do the chaotic neutral representatives lie in a 4e alignment system?
Everywhere. Chaotic neutral characters always lie.
How many angels of torment can dance on the head of a pin?
How many angels of torment can dance on the head of a pin?
None, they prefer the point.
Why won't they reprint the Book of Vile Darkness for 4e?
None, they prefer the point.
Why won't they reprint the Book of Vile Darkness for 4e?
Darkness is Unaligned now. [Alt: They put the Psionic classes are in the PHB3.]
Why isn't there a Martial Controller?
How many watts is a Point of Light?
42
Why hasn't this thread been stickied yet? ! zomg!
Cause no one has posted D&D erotica yet.
Why doesn't Godzilla and Co. have 4th ed stats yet?
Cause no one has posted D&D erotica yet.
Why doesn't Godzilla and Co. have 4th ed stats yet?
Because I havent gotten around to it yet.
Is a round tuit an new gelatin mold or something entirely different?
Probably the person it's being thrown at and anyone in the way.
Are all dogs improvised thrown weapons, or do chihuauas have the light thrown property?
Are all dogs improvised thrown weapons, or do chihuauas have the light thrown property?
Only Chihuasuas and perhaps Bagels if small enought.
Why can't i crit if i managed to roll a 20 only once in the last 3 sessions, just because i'd normally wouldn't hit the Beholder's AC even if we are doomed anyway ?
dragon born now have boobs?
If the player sitting next to me is a major gas factory, is it still considered evil alignment to kill their PC?
If the player sitting next to me is a major gas factory, is it still considered evil alignment to kill their PC?
Yes. But killing the player is considered justifiable homicide.
What alignment is your DM?
Yes. But killing the player is considered justifiable homicide.
What alignment is your DM?
Yes.
How quickly can an army of orcs move at the speed of plot?
How quickly can an army of orcs move at the speed of plot?
Laden or unladen?
Eberron or Realms?
(Both serve as answers and questions.)
Laden or unladen?
Eberron or Realms?
(Both serve as answers and questions.)
You're cheating.
Wanna hear about my character?
Wanna hear about my character?
Character is what you do when nobody is looking (or listening).
If you could be any 4e race-class combination for real for a day, what would it be and why?
If you could be any 4e race-class combination for real for a day, what would it be and why?
Halfling Paladin, 'cause they have the most character of any character. Even if people know that only due to his characteristic stench, since they cannot see or hear his character otherwise.
Why don't Troglodytes use soap?
Why don't Troglodytes use soap?
They do, they even use Overpowering Musk deoderant.
Why does my nose smell?
Why does my nose smell?
It's not your nose. It's where you stick it.
Is the Raven Queen going to win 4e?
Is it possible for Nurell to come back in 4.5?
Is it possible for Nurell to come back in 4.5?
Because there will be no 4.5, the answer is no.
How am I supposed to make an adventure balanced with the treasure parcel system if an adventure doesn't have treasure already built into it?
What is the difference between a duck?
What is the difference between a duck?
Most eat swamp plants, but only one says, "AFLAC".
If my Warlock decides to Curse in Infernal, can I get a bonus to Intimidate?
What is the difference between a duck?
Most eat swamp plants, but only one says, "AFLAC".
If my Warlock decides to Curse in Infernal, can I get a bonus to Intimidate?
No But you get a bonus to the bounty on your head for curseing at the princess of a harsh ditatorship kingdom.
Why is Yuri Master?
Why is Yuri Master?
Trick question that I refuse to answer.
Was that really a trick question?
Why is Yuri Master?
Trick question that I refuse to answer.
Was that really a trick question?
No it was a stupid one (remember the title of this thread!), but here is one:
Why are 1968 pennies worth more than 1967 pennies?
Also...
Hearty bearded lasses.
How many caverns must a dwarf walk down before you can call him a dwarf?
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind....
Why are 1968 pennies worth more than 1967 pennies?
Because one thousand nine hundred and sixty eight is a larger number than one thousand nine hundred and sixty seven.
Was the ridiculously farcical nature of Jar Jar Binks' character just a money-making plot to induce a younger audience to watch Star Wars, or was it an attempt to cover up the fact that they hadn't actually figured out how to start the Empire and had to improvise by creating a minor character to do so?
farcical nature of Jar Jar Binks
Yes to both.
Can we please keep our stupid questions DS&D-related so this really fun thread does not die?
(And to the above "What's the difference between a duck?" the correct answer is "One leg is both the same." Just ask your grandfather.)
What's the weather like in Hestavar?
We can, but we probably won't because we're stupid.
What's the weather like in Hestavar?
Sunny. Freaking always. Sort of like the Polyanna of Weather.
Why are dwarves short?
Are our elves better?
If they were tall they'd hit their heads on the undersides of the mountains.
Are our elves better?
I would like to think so, but they are not.
It takes them years to learn what a human can learn in a few days...
What do you get when when you breed a dragonborn-dwarf with a halfling-elf?
What do you get when when you breed a dragonborn-dwarf with a halfling-elf?
Cheese Danish.
What class best represents The Eleventh Doctor?
What do you get when when you breed a dragonborn-dwarf with a halfling-elf?
Cheese Danish.
What class best represents The Eleventh Doctor?
8th grade Pre-Algebra.
Why is the color blue?
If a Warforged falls in the forest, is there a sound?
Why not?
If a Warforged falls in the forest, is there a sound?
Not if it's a Warforged Scout Ninja.
Would you share your space with four Tiny creatures?
What did you do with the body?
What did you do with the body?
I plead the 5th.
Can an ettin safely claim the head of Vecna?
Can an ettin safely claim the head of Vecna?
No. The head eats all adjacent heads as a free action once per round.
What happens when Neth, the Plane that Lives, gets a cold?
Why the left eye and hand?
Why the left eye and hand?
Because they are just not right.
Was that a warforged I saw hanging with Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion?
why does tiamat only have 5 heads?
Can Tieflings store things behind their horns?
Deja vu, have you seen this question before?
No. Which explains why they have a loathing for horseshoes.
Deja vu, have you seen this question before?
No, and stop calling me Deja vu!
What's a Warlord's favorite weapon?
What's a Warlord's favorite weapon?
A Barbarian.
What's a Barbarian's favorite weapon?
A Barbarian.
What's a Barbarian's favorite weapon?
A baseball bat (At 1:29).
If MacGyver were a D&D character what would he be?
Who are you?
Is it a Mystara that the Dark Sun Eberron's Birthright to Dragonlance a Spelljammer all over the Forgotten Realm's Planescape when hunting a Greyhawk?
Is it the Dark Sun Eberron's Birthright to Dragonlance a Spelljammer all over the Forgotten Realm's Planescape when hunting a Greyhawk?
Not without the birth certificate that burned up in the hellfire at the records office.
Which is stronger: Dwarven ale or Elven wine?
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
Why did I respond to this?
Why did I respond to this?
Because you cannot resist the magnitude of this thread's greatness.
The questions really is, why haven't you stickied this thread yet?
The questions really is, why haven't you stickied this thread yet?
He ran out of sovereign glue.
Can a warforged be petrified by a medusa?
Can a warforged be petrified by a medusa?
Sure, but in this case the condition is actually called, "freezing up".
What race/class would Dr. Zoidberg be in 4e?
What race/class would Dr. Zoidberg be in 4e?
When a DM builds minions, he/she doesn't need to determine race or class.
What's the most notable difference between Futurama and Eberron?
What is the difference between Xoriat and the Far Realm?
What is the difference between Xoriat and the Far Realm?
The Far Realm's clientèle is usually snootier though I will admit the quality of their booze can't be beat.
Besides the storage of spells and rituals, what are some other uses for a Wizard's Spellbook?
Doorstops, step-stools, and fly-swatters...
If wizards are so smart, why do they need a book to show them how to spell?
If wizards are so smart, why do they need a book to show them how to spell?
Because the Firefox spell-checker doesn't auto-function on the Boards.
Are you claiming that every wizard carries a dictionary?
If wizards are so smart, why do they need a book to show them how to spell?
Because the Firefox spell-checker doesn't auto-function on the Boards.
Are you claiming that every wizard carries a dictionary?
Yes There all have no wisdom at all. They fail to understand that has nothing to do with the point.
Why are Goblins better then Kobolts?
If goblins had spaceships, would they be spacious?
The idea that goblins are from Mars, simply because they're little green men, is totally specious (species-ist?)... Besides, everybody knows that goblins based their spaceship designs off those used by the Pigs In SPAAAAAACCCEEEE!!!!!
Do Muppets have a racial power?
Do Muppets have a racial power?
Yes, the "power" of song.
If Captain Planet was the more powerful amalgamation of the 4 elements and "heart," why didn't those silly hippies just leave him "on" all of the time?
Do Muppets have a racial power?
Yes, the "power" of song.
If Captain Planet was the more powerful amalgamation of the 4 elements and "heart," why didn't those silly hippies just leave him "on" all of the time?
Because slash and burn agriculture wasn't outlawed yet.
If a half elf is half elf and half human, what is a half ling?
Do Drow like watermellon and fried chicken?
Do you think there should be a ninja build in 4e?
If a blue dragon mates with a gold dragon, and their child mates with a volcanic dragon, what do you get?
What are the stat bonuses on White Devil Elves?
What are the stat bonuses on White Devil Elves?
+2 on rolls to intimidate, gather information, and dominate.
Why are they called planes when they are all described in three dimensions?
Why are they called planes when they are all described in three dimensions?
Because they can fly.
Why'd you have to cast magic missile?
Can goblins fill automobiles with gasoline without any hoses?
Can goblins fill automobiles with gasoline without any hoses?
Sure they can. They tend not to wear stockings or socks!
Elminster versus Drizzt. Who would care?
Elminster versus Drizzt. Who would care?
ZOMG! I would!! /rolls up a Night Elf named Drizzit on WoW.
What's love got to do with it?
What's love got to do with it?
Ask Sune.
How do you make What's the frequency Kenneth D&D related?
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
Kenneth is temporarily unavailable, so I'll take this one.
(begin music) Hey, 98 point 6, it's good to hear you once again (end music)
If I create a magic anti-insect weapon*, will wild-shaped swarm druids run away from me?
* a 6-pack of Raid or similar
No, they'll just attack you with magic anti-personnel weapons.
What is Elvis' home plane?
What is Elvis' home plane?
It's a little known fact that Graceland was nestled in a corner of Celestia, until new owners moved the entire property to the Plane Above.
Who should play Gygax in the History Channel dramatization of the origins of RPGs?
Who should play Gygax in the History Channel dramatization of the origins of RPGs?
Orcus.
What's the most useless spell/power in D&D?
What's the most useless spell/power in D&D?
Banish Vermin.
At what age Tieflings come to maturity and what's their lifespan supposed to be ?
What's the most useless spell/power in D&D?
The power of love.
If the Mage and Warpriest are Essentials, what does that make the old classes?
Edit: ninja'd, glad it got answered anyway lol
I've a 5th level PC about to start in my campaign, that due to enormously high strength has a +16 base damage.
Seems.... excessive.
Thoughts?
At what age Tieflings come to maturity and what's their lifespan supposed to be ?
Tieflings never come to maturity and they live as long as their neighbors tolerate them.
If the Mage and Warpriest are Essentials, what does that make the old classes?
Non-essential. Obsolete. Quintessential. Take your pick.
Thoughts?
None worthy of mention.
Can a tone-deaf bard still be effective?
Catching up the skipped and non-parallel posts...At what age Tieflings come to maturity and what's their lifespan supposed to be ?
Tieflings never come to maturity and they live as long as their neighbors tolerate them.If the Mage and Warpriest are Essentials, what does that make the old classes?
Non-essential. Obsolete. Quintessential. Take your pick.Thoughts?
None worthy of mention.
Can a tone-deaf bard still be effective?
Is there another type?
Is there another type?
Can a tone-deaf bard still be effective?
As a diplomat, yes. As a musician, no. Unless he / she is in an alternative, industrial grunge lyrics band where tone matters not.
Can a tone-deaf bard still be effective?
As a diplomat, yes. As a musician, no. Unless he / she is in an alternative, industrial grunge lyrics band where tone matters not.
Astro. You need to learn the rule. You're breaking the thread.
I will ask the question...
Why is is to icky to kiss ghouls?
If a pitcher of beer is a flat 2sp, does that mean we all drink the Natty of the land or the Guiness?
If a pitcher of beer is a flat 2sp, does that mean we all drink the Natty of the land or the Guiness?
[halfling voice] It comes in pitchers? [/halfling voice]
Why don't halflings get Feats for their hairy Feet?
Because I put all their feats on the tippy top shelf out of reach.
Why are all halflings rotten little THIEVES?
[halfling voice] It comes in pitchers? [/halfling voice]
Why don't halflings get Feats for their hairy Feet?
Because if they got a Feat for their Feet, then they'd have a yard.
NINJA EDIT: They don't steal, they borrow.
Why can't I make a drow paladin of Tyr?
What's the maximum number of Drizzt clones a party can have and still be effective?
What's the maximum number of Drizzt clones a party can have and still be effective?
One. Only one Drizzt is enough to mess everything up.
What Role would be Chuck Norris in the Essentials ?
if 1+1=fun on a bun what does 2+2=?
any one he felt could deliver a roundhouse kick to the enemy from half way across the planet.
if 1+1=fun on a bun what does 2+2=?
miss_bun
Whatever happened to Althalus?
How many Bene Gesserit does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Is your DM hot?
Can Dragonborn use their breath weapon as a lighter? Cause that'd be seriously handy.
Can Dragonborn use their breath weapon as a lighter? Cause that'd be seriously handy.
Lighter than what? Air? Water? More information needed.
If I can control my power, do I really not have enough?
If I can control my power, do I really not have enough?
If you have to ask, then you have more than you can handle.
If you worship an ideal instead of a god, where does the divine power come from?
If I can control my power, do I really not have enough?
If you have to ask, then you have more than you can handle.
If you worship an ideal instead of a god, where does the divine power come from?
Divine Power comes from the Divine.
Why will my DM let me play a Minotaur but not a Gnoll?
Why will my DM let me play a Minotaur but not a Gnoll?
Because gnolls are way too cool to be a PC race.
How come fire giants have fire resistance but fire elementals don't?
How come there is no such thing as water resistance? I would think "water damage" to a library would be reason enough to develop it.
How come there is no such thing as water resistance?
There is. It's called a roof.
How do you stop a barbarian from charging?
How do you stop a barbarian from charging?
Take away their credit card.
Why are Gnomes so evil?
Why are Gnomes so evil?
They aren't; it's all a carefully orchestrated PR campaign by the Halflings. I mean, look at Darksun...
What do you get when you cross a wolfwere with a werewolf?
Do wizards hate versatile characters?
Do wizards hate versatile characters?
No, just nonversatile players.
What did the warlock implement with his implement?
Do wizards hate versatile characters?
No, just nonversatile players.
What did the warlock implement with his implement?
A policy requiring all pact boon redemptions to have two counter sigatures before becoming valid.
EDIT: Will you still respect me in the morning?
Will you still respect me in the morning?
As much as I respect you right now.
What did the incubus say to the succubus when she begged him to hurt her all night long?
If you carve up a gelatinous cube small enough, can you serve it as dessert?
If you carve up a gelatinous cube small enough, can you serve it as dessert?
Only if you spread Ochre Jelly on it.
We all know one cat could kill a first level wizard in 3.5. How many does it take in 4e?
We all know one cat could kill a first level wizard in 3.5. How many does it take in 4e?
Invalid question. Nobody plays wizards in 4e.
Hoping for non-stupid answer: Where can I find info on Mithril Hall in 4e?
We all know one cat could kill a first level wizard in 3.5. How many does it take in 4e?
Invalid question. Nobody plays wizards in 4e.
Hoping for non-stupid answer: Where can I find info on Mithril Hall in 4e?
Probably in another thread. (You might ask in the Forgotten Realms forum...)
Would Drizzt still be as cool if he was a whiny emo loner dual-wielding mordenkrads?
Why can't i think of a question to ask?
What's blowing in the wind?
Why can't i think of a question to ask?
Cocaine... it's a hell of a drug.
EDIT: Ninja'd
What's blowing in the wind?
Baby gnomes that weren't tied down.
How do minotaurs keep their horns sharp?
How do minotaurs keep their horns sharp?
By frequently charging with them.
What do you have scheduled in AM for December 24th 2012 ?
Am I evil?
Reaching my level cap.
Am I evil?
If you have to ask, you are.
What are the rules for saving oneself from disease?
What are the rules for saving oneself from disease?
Always be sure to wear a condom.
Why is CS always wrong?
I've heard many times that Warlords weild Barbarians. What are the stats for this weapon? Is it 1 or 2 handed? What is the prof. bonus and damage dice and what traits does the weapon have eg Brutal?
I've heard many times that Warlords weild Barbarians. What are the stats for this weapon? Is it 1 or 2 handed? What is the prof. bonus and damage dice and what traits does the weapon have eg Brutal?
tl;dr: 0
Is that a gnome in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Yes, that is a gnome in my pocket, but I am glad to see you - help me get this ^#%$^$ gnome out of my pocket!
Do gnomes taste like chicken?
Do gnomes taste like chicken?
No, but spam tastes like gnome.
What are some good nicknames for goliath?
Do gnomes taste like chicken?
No, but spam tastes like gnome.
What are some good nicknames for goliath?
Bob Fred Geroge and Henry.
What other names could you use for the meatshield wizard?
Why do fighters go first when a Fireball does it so much better?
Why do fighters go first when a Fireball does it so much better?
They're compensating.
How many leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
One wizard with a light spell, if he knows what's good for him.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a wizard?
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a wizard?
One to hold the wizard down, one to remove the diaper, one to wipe the wizard clean, and one to put on the new diaper.
Ever seen a grown man naked?
Ever seen a grown man naked?
Yes. The rumors about half-orcs? Not true.
Is "kobalt" the new "rouge," or is it just my imagination?
[edit][alt].. I've got a rouge Chevy Cobalt...
What is in a set of thieves' tools, anyway?
Funny you should mention that, I've got a rouge-colored Kobalt-brand power drill and wrench set...
[edit][alt].. I've got a rouge Chevy Cobalt...
What is in a set of thieves' tools, anyway?
A credit card for wedging into locks, and one can of bat-repelent shark spray.
Why can't elves grow beards?
How much would duct tape cost in 4e?
What does she sell down by the sea shore?
What level is the hardest to play?
I don't know, but she gets five times the amount I would get for selling it.
What level is the hardest to play?
DM's don't have levels.
If there is no crying in D&D, why are there tiers?
If there is no crying in D&D, why are there tiers?
Tires. It's a misprint.
Why does 4e Forgotten Realms feel very... Eberron?
Why does 4e Forgotten Realms feel very... Eberron?
Both are actually set in Canada.
If Justin Bieber played D&D, what race and class would (s)he be?
If Justin Bieber played D&D, what race and class would (s)he be?
Bieber is a Muppet. Both race and class(less).
Got milk?
Got cow milk? (I don't have that)
How do you call a heavily optimized PC of the primal source?
How do you call a heavily optimized PC of the primal source?
Depends on how far away he is.
My adventure needs a title. Any ideas?
why did the doppleganger cross the road?
why did the doppleganger cross the road?
He was actually mating.
Ninja'd
Why are women so beautiful?
To balance out the ugliness of men.
Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Do you feel lucky?
Do you feel lucky?
Depends on how drunk lucky is at the time.
Do ya, punk?
Do ya, punk?
Oh yes. Very much so.
So.. want to go back to my place?
Which plane do you live on?
Which plane do you live on?
No no. It's my mom that lived in Kansas, not me.
What do you call a female dwarf that waxes?
Which plane do you live on?
No no. It's my mom that lived in Kansas, not me.
What do you call a female dwarf that waxes?
A gnome.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had the last name of Norris?
What would happen if Baba Yaga met Lady Gaga?
All of it.
What would happen if Baba Yaga met Lady Gaga?
An unsatisfying plasticized lunch.
If the warlord isnt essential is teamwork?
Whats the difference between Orcs and Goblins?
Orcs are not good kissers.
Whatever happened to the illusionist?
Whatever happened to the illusionist?
It's still there, it's just disguised as another class.
What class is the illusionist disguised as?
What class is the illusionist disguised as?
The barbarian. (He's that good!)
How do you spot an illusionist pretending to use stealth?
What's the Bluff DC to convince somebody you're invisible?
When is the best time to use the action point?
When is the best time to use the action point?
Right after the point of light and the camera point.
Why would I ever use my powers At-Will, and who is Will anyway?
Will was that dorky kid on Star Trek, which is reason enough to use your powers on him...
If we put a red Star Trek shirt on him, would he be killed in some horrible fashion five minutes later?
If we put a red Star Trek shirt on him, would he be killed in some horrible fashion five minutes later?
If there's a God in Heaven, then yes, and in a terrible, slow fashion.
How do tell a male beholder from a female one?
How do you tell a female nymph from a male one?
Did I just start a flame war?
No, you didnt start the fire, its been burning since the world's been turning.
Does anyone care that the kid's name on star trek was Wesley and not Will?
Does anyone care that the kid's name on star trek was Wesley and not Will?
Actually, I believe it was hWill hWheaton.
Are same sex marriages legal in the Feywild?
Can a Rust Monster eat an Iron Dragon?
Is that chest over there trapped? (My perception roll was 15+8perception skill)
How come nobody puts treasure in wall safes? Or barrels or crates or burlap sacks?
What class would Mario be?
What class would Mario be?
A druid, what with all the shrooms he eats.
What do you get when you cross a changeling with a shifter?
What happens when you cross a Half-orc and a Half-elf?
What's the opposing alignment of someone who's unaligned?
So if a Knight's a Fighter, what'll the Paladin be called?
A Street Fighting Man
Can a Goliath rogue with the Tumble power take Rolling Stone as his paragon path?
A Street Fighting Man
Can a Goliath rogue with the Tumble power take Rolling Stone as his paragon path?
only if the DM will let you.
Why dos RuinsFate have a butterfly/Fairy on his/her head? Is RuinsFate a Tree hugger that needs to be smashed like all the other tree huggers (But Mario he stomps eveyone just right and proper)
Where are the monkey bees?
Who would be the Big Bad in a D&D Pirate Campaign?
What power source does a ninja use?
What class is Santa?
What class is Bill Clinton?
(PS leave the fairy alone!)
What are the stats for a Bardic Saxophone?
What do you call a hybrid invoker/seeker?
If I'm playing a warforged druid focused on beast form powers, does that make it a Transformer?
Can I cast magic missle at the darkness now?
Can I cast magic missle at the darkness now?
Provided that you have line of sight and effect. Mountain Dew is optional.
What are Shardmind tears made of?
What are Shardmind tears made of?
Crystal Light.
What are dwarves' favorite breed of dog?
What are Shardmind tears made of?
Crystal Light.
What are dwarves' favorite breed of dog?
Basset hounds. They taste better with beer batter.
Roll to see if I'm getting drunk?
What do you call a goliath fight club?
Why are Gnomes the coolest race?
Ever seen a teetotaler dwarf?
Ever seen a teetotaler dwarf?
I thought I did, but it turned out to be just a muscular, hairy halfling.
Ever seen a teeter-tottering dwarf?
If I'm a previous edition high-level Fighter who has 4 apples, and a previous edition high-level Wizard wants my apples, how many apples do I have?
Yes. Pikle Bouldershoulder. That guy loves him some teeter-totter.
If I'm a previous edition high-level Fighter who has 4 apples, and a previous edition high-level Wizard wants my apples, how many apples do I have?
It depends on whether the wizard hit you with a save-or-die and took your apples, cloned you and stole the apples from one or both of you, or just decided to Wish for some apples of his own...
If you were cool enough to be a previous-edition wizard, why the hell would you choose to ruin your image by wearing a dorky pointed hat?
If you were cool enough to be a previous-edition wizard, why the hell would you choose to ruin your image by wearing a dorky pointed hat?
The dorkiness of pointy hats is a myth perpetuated by jealous fighters.
How much change could a changeling change if a changeling could change change?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
I Sequestered her a few months ago. Unfortunately for her, this was before OoI was nerfed and her Will save is teh terrible.
How many pages of "the" magic missile thread did you read before you had the urge to grab a butter knife and gouge your own eyes out?
How many pages of "the" magic missile thread did you read before you had the urge to grab a butter knife and gouge your own eyes out?
Thankfully, I never read it.
What are the 4e stats for CryoSliver's Holy Folding Chair?
A revenant and a warforged start a drinking contest. Who wins?
A revenant and a warforged start a drinking contest. Who wins?
I do.
Who takes second?
If a revenant (elf)'s ears rot and fall off are they still considered an elf?
If a revenant (elf)'s ears rot and fall off are they still considered an elf?
No. It is now a Nerf.
What do you call a warforged with no arms and no legs at the bottom of the ocean?
IF HULK BE IN GAME, WHAT CLASS BE HULK?
IF HULK BE IN GAME, WHAT CLASS BE HULK?
YOU QUESTION HULK CLASS? HULK SMASH!
What happens when you say Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu in 4e?
What is worse for you, soda pop or reality tv?
Do goliaths have problems with moss?
Tofu. Tell them it's elf brains and they'll never know the difference...
If a changeling attempts to mimic it's original appearance, does it still have to make a Bluff check to be convincing?
Are ou telling me it's 8:25?
only if It forgot it's towel.
Are ou telling me it's 8:25?
That's the price without tax.
Is it still called Dancing With the Stars if you don't know any of the people?
only if It forgot it's towel.
Are ou telling me it's 8:25?
That's the price without tax.
Is it still called Dancing With the Stars if you don't know any of the people?
Carl Sagan told me we're all made out of star stuff.
If we're made out of star stuff, does that make Lindsay Lohan a white dwarf star?
Speaking of, what race/class/build would Mini-Me be?
What would be the best class to take to make an elf Mohawk?
Anyone gotta Quarter?
Anyone gotta Quarter?
Bah, I give no quarter to my foes!
How many "how many" phrases can a stupid question thread phrase if a stupid question thread could phrase "how many" phrases?
How many "how many" phrases can a stupid question thread phrase if a stupid question thread could phrase "how many" phrases?
Since it can't, the answer is Zer0.
and, old question:
Why will my DM let me play a Minotaur but not a Gnoll?
Because he thinks you are full of bull but not full of rot.
I've been gone for a week. What did I miss?
What didn't you miss?
If dragons are supposed to be so rare, why is there about 30 different species?
Is it really any surprise that this thread - almost an exact copy of another that was started here (and damned popular for a time) - was moved to the Tavern?
Who moved my thread?
If a large number of crows are a murder then what is a large number of mindflayers?
Do you know how to start the apocalypse?
Talk about politics.
What is wrong with me?
You don't like politics.
Who the hess is that guy?
You don't like politics.
Who the hess is that guy?
I don't know, you inviteded him.
I was walking in the forest the other day and....WHAT IS THAT!?
Which forest?
What was the city guard doing?
If you could, would you?
Not if I'm there.
How many gnomes can you fit into a chest?
Fear or terror?
Paper or plastic?
Rubber for me.
Conservative or liberal?
Chuck Norris.
Who is Keyser Soze?
Who is Cletus Tout?
Stewie and the Cowtones: Best band ever?
Is the Internet rewiring our brains?
If we put a quantum entangled structure inside a blackhole what happens to the corresponding structure?
What do you do when the crosswalk light throws up the hard rock horns?
If I cast a disintegrate spell, will the thread go back to DnD-related questions?
Why do Port-a-Potties smell so bad?
Should Dr. Steel invade and take over the Forgoten Realms?
What exactly do Avengers, um, avenge?
so how long do a days worth of trail rations last if they are NOT eaten?
so how long do a days worth of trail rations last if they are NOT eaten?
About 45 seconds.
Why can't I leave this thread?
Can my wizard dispell a Dispell Magic spell?
did that trigger my trap?
Is there a feat for mastery of the obvious? Or even obvious expertise?
Is there a feat for mastery of the obvious? Or even obvious expertise?
No. The only way to get a feat bonus to hit with the obvious is with a Dragonborn racial feat, as befitting a race that has mastered the obvious.
What about Dragonborn is most obvious?
If dragonborn were born, what does that say about Wilden?
That they have vunerability 5 weedkiller.
Is pouring Mountain Dew onto the fighter's character sheet when he asks how he can make the character stickier an acceptable response if he asks you about it while you're making out with your significant other in the parking lot after the game?
Why couldn't Faerun collide with a cool world during the spellplague? like discworld?
Has anyone Seen Kyle?
Has anyone Seen Kyle?
Yes, Ms. Minogue is QUITE yummy! Thereby disproving your "only virgins are yummy" theory.
Do Wilden make good wilders?
How many days has it been since i last fed my goldfish?
How big is the goldfish?
That's a size, no?
anyone want some Falcon Punch?
Does anyone need depleted uranium, I'm stuffed?
Does anyone need depleted uranium, I'm stuffed?
I think Ahmedinejad is calling...
Uh-oh. Did I just break the CoC?
Try wiggling it. If you can move it, it's not broken.
Have you wondered why things that seem to be very basic and just plain common sense to you often seem incredibly deep and philosophical to some people and just plain incomprehensible to other people sometimes?
(Can I use lifeline Ask the Audence?)
Try wiggling it. If you can move it, it's not broken.
Have you wondered why things that seem to be very basic and just plain common sense to you often seem incredibly deep and philosophical to some people and just plain incomprehensible to other people sometimes?
'Cuz we're OTTers
A sea battle, Swiss navy vs Austrian navy, who would win?(Can I use lifeline Ask the Audence?)
Austrian, Swartzenager baby! (use of Ask the Audence is now used)
If a tree falls in the woods, what about the bears?
If I am a pirate and you are not a pirate what does that make Luis_Carlos?
....and vampires masonic lodges (they are sacrophobic, and they are harmed by crucifix, blessed water and too by all sacred... like religious art and even christmas songs! The ultimate humiliation is being destroyer by a vampire hunter who has got a highest-volumen hi-fi audio singing "Mary´s boy child/ oh my Lord!" by Boney M.
DireWolf Cannon vs DireShark cannon, who wins?
Is a Mind Flayer a terrible thing to waste?
Pirates vs ninja vs L_C who dies?
Pirates vs ninja vs L_C who dies?
Answering that might constitute flaming.
Why do I wear my sunglasses at night?
A wink's as good as a nudge to a blind bat, eh? Eh? Know-what-I-mean?
(the joke)
Does Catholic Church allow you marry your window´s sister?
If I am you, and you are I, Who is dumpest of both?
A wink's as good as a nudge to a blind bat, eh? Eh? Know-what-I-mean?
Say no more! Say no more!
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Why doesn´t marvel zombies (earth-2649) became fat if they eat tons of flesh?
Does "Secret Invasion" by Marvel Comics incite xenophobia againts aliens?
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
No way! I'd hold it against me for a while and then bury it in a shallow grave. I'd probably go back a few times, dig it up and hold it against me again, too. Mmmmm ...
Hard game is hard or is it ... something else?
Is the concept of this thread too hard for L_C?
Where would you purchase ammo for a Sharkzooka?
What Topic are we Off?
Zebras (They are sooo yesterday...)
What's black and white and goes thump-thump-Bang!*crunch*kathump-kathump-tumble-SLAM-thump?
What's Orcus' favorite style of hat?
What kind of cereal has a Ruby Rod of Asmodeus in every box?
But is it part of this complete breakfast?
But the real question is......
is it worth your soul?
is it worth your soul?
I dunno. I'm kinda saving it for a special occasion.
Is the Rod of Lordly Might a phallusy?
If my codpiece is made from real cod, would it count as masterwork armor?
Well, with a name like that it's certainly overcompensating for something....
If my codpiece is made from real cod, would it count as masterwork armor?
I dunno, but it smells a bit fishy to me.
What does a basilsk lick?
Are bullywugs bullies?
Are bullywugs bullies?
Only if you're a wug.
Are the kuo-toa survivors of Krakatoa?
No, but they did survive Spirit Week at Camp Kannatoa.
How much XP is a camp councellor's sanity worth?
There comes a time when every man must ... what?
How do you make a zombie baby, anyway?
A bit involved, I agree.
Where oh where has my dracolich gone, oh where oh where could she be?
How does a Post play Play-by-Post?
How does a Post play Play-by-Post?
They don't. They provide the blow-by-blow commentary.
Is it epic fail or epic awesome to mention Elminster, Drizzt, and Raistlin in the same post?
Epic fanboy-ism, maybe.
If you are a famous person, can you be accused of name-dropping when introducing yourself?
What is space?
What is space?
The Final Frontier.
Whatchu talkin 'bout, Willis?
I'm talkin 'bout Shaft...
Why do really dumb things always seem like good ideas until you do them?
So what was the last thing to go through the goblin's mind, other than that crossbow bolt?
So what was the last thing to go through the goblin's mind, other than that crossbow bolt?
the feathers.
can you hear me now?
No, you're like three thousand miles away. But go ahead and scream louder if you really want to...
What's the humor expiration date on commercial catch-phrases?
What's the humor expiration date on commercial catch-phrases?
Six Days.
Why can't Dwarves be good arcane spellcasters?
So an elf, a dwarf and Kanye West walk into a bar. What the hell happens next?
So an elf, a dwarf and Kanye West walk into a bar. What the hell happens next?
Kanye would be all like: "Listen Zombie_Babies, I'ma let tchoo finish but damixmastermike had the greatest joke of all time. Just Sayin'"
Why do doves suddenly appear?
Is that purple rain or purple haze? Can't tell from here ...
What is insane?
Who told him he could spell sand that way?
can I have another cookie please?
What is the capital of Canada?
If I told you to get out of my dreams, would you get into my car?
How does one get into dreams anyway? Aren't there reservations required, or at least bouncers and velvet ropes?
Well, there is this guy:
How much you got?
Possess bovine lactation?
Were mullets cooler before or after Billy Ray Cyrus?
How many goblins does it take to change a lantern?
What does my reappearance rate on the Importantmeter?
If there is smoke, what else is there?
Is anyone else excited that International Talk Like a Pirate day is fast approaching?
A person being discriminated against for choosing to enjoy tobacco.
Is anyone else excited that International Talk Like a Pirate day is fast approaching?
AYE! I be practicin' me pattern for it, ye ken?
...
Wait. That be wrong, matey. That be a Scoot'ish pirate...
Be it oone?
Why do 1 and 2 buckle my shoe when I tell them to do it?
Where's Waldorf?
Who are you?
If Leshay is to an Elf like an Elf is to a Human, then what is to a Leshay?
Why is my home-made beer better then any American beer I've ever had?
What is the-Mage-King's kingdom's name?
Who wants
s? ;)Is it bad that I cookies drove any thought of a question out of my head?
Does anybody know how dry I am? *hic*
Why is it that good clean fun is hardly ever, you know, fun?
What's your favourite kind of sauce?
Whats your favorite kind of color?
What noise do you make when you nom nom-noms?
Why do drive through ATMs have braille?
What the hell is a sweet bippy anyway?
so if 3 and 4 shuts the door, who opens it?
The question is, why did Goofy open Goliahte's door?
!
?Did you know that 2 plus 5 equals chair?
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, where is brains?
Can you conjugate?
Am I stupid or crazy?
Do any D&D worlds have recycling programs? And for that matter, what is the carbon footprint of a dragon?
All D&D worlds have recycling programs - stupid adventurers are eaten by dragons who recycle them into fertilizer and keep their gear in their hoards until other adventurers come to kill the dragon, recycle its parts into alchemical items and re-use the gear.
If American infomercials use pretty women with U.K./Aussie/New Zealand accents to get people to watch them, do U.K./European infomercials use women with American accents to sell things?
What would an Illithid Elder Brain do in case of a zombie apocalypse?
What would an anthropomorphic squirel god do in a zombie apocalypse?
What would nuts do in case of a zombie apocalypse?
Question for the students out there, is your campus zombie-proof?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Sorry I've been away too long.
How many angels can you balance on the head of a pin - with differing in game resource requirements.
How many angels can you balance on the head of a pin - with differing in game resource requirements.
Permission to ram?!
Is today a good day to die?
Dieing the dream?
How long is the arc of the moral universe?
What's the stupidest question that you was ever asked by an adult in real life?
What's the stupidest question that you have ever asked in your adult life?
________
1Turned out they weren't plugged into the computer.
Where you?
Grammar much?
What's an elfs favorite flavor of pie?
'Sup dawg?
Rowf?
E2, Brutus?
Hark, what light in yonder window breaks?
Paper or plastic?
Somebody lit a match in the bathroom.
Paper or plastic?
Plastic. I save my paper for the vending machines.
Why don't vending machines have card slots?
Why does the Venture Compound only have one washroom?
To be or not to be?
Now what do we do with all the not to be's?
Let them be.
Who is the greatest villan of all time?
monster.do woodchucks chuck wood?
Would you believe typing that was a real finger twister?
Frock?
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, or Spock?
Moo-moo Moo moo-moo. moo-moo moomooMOO?
or 
?Oink.
Neither, as both are invalid commands in a /DOS prompt.
What is the difference between cheese and a half-orc, and how are they the same?
Are gnomes considered good bait when fishing for dire piranhas?
So what would happen if you opened a can of dire worms, anyway?
Of course not, you use dire worms while in a dire boat that sailed from a dire portents.
So what would happen if you opened a can of dire worms, anyway?
The forum thread would be locked.
Who was the first noteworthy Halfling, if there ever has been one?
That would be Harttlebutt Noteworthy, who was born to a minor branch of the Nonesuch family, but was disowned after dishonoring the family by getting drunk on his wedding night and mistaking his mother-in-law for his wife. Forced to relocate to a nearby Dwarven settlement, he gained the name Noteworthy for being the only person to ever successfully complete the Garlic Beholder Burger eating challenge at Granitetooth's Bar and Grill.
If time flies like an arrow, why doesn't it slow down and stop after several hundred feet?
That would be Harttlebutt Noteworthy, who was born to a minor branch of the Nonesuch family, but was disowned after dishonoring the family by getting drunk on his wedding night and mistaking his mother-in-law for his wife. Forced to relocate to a nearby Dwarven settlement, he gained the name Noteworthy for being the only person to ever successfully complete the Garlic Beholder Burger eating challenge at Granitetooth's Bar and Grill.
If time flies like an arrow, why doesn't it slow down and stop after several hundred feet?
Because it hit the Centaur in the rear, and he kept running.
If Headsman's Chop is for Heavy Blades and Axes, and Grounding Shot is for bows, who is behind the curtain?
Why didn't the wizard of Oz cast more spells? Did he forget his spellbook or something?
Ty
Why didn't the wizard of Oz cast more spells? Did he forget his spellbook or something?
Cuz he was actually a Rogue with mad UMD but with all too few wands, scrolls and the like.
Why the hell is this game always so hard for some people to figure out?
Why are peoples names suddenly cutoff?
If I take a left at Alburquerque, can I get to Sesame Street?
Will we still remember advertisement campaigns ten years from now- anyone remember "where's the beef?"?
Look at your map. Look here. Back at your map. Back to here... Sadly, you are not here. But if you stopped at Alburquerque and switched to your other left, you could look like you're here. Where are you? Back at me. You're on a board, with the place that could be here. What's in your hands? I have it- its a GPS with directions to that place you're going. Look again- the GPS is now here. Anything is possible when you're here and not left. I made a parody.
Will we still remember advertisement campaigns ten years from now- anyone remember "where's the beef?"?
It's on the minotaur.. he isin't too keen on giving it up, though. Claims it's a relative.
Why DO red wagons go faster??
If an Xbox and a playstation made a baby, what would it sound like the night of said "baby makin"?
How come a furlong is longer than any fur I've ever seen, even Zsa Zsa Gabor's coats?
The PS3 would go "Bip...bip...bipbipbip!!!" and then be finished. The 360 would just lie there and do nothing.
How come a furlong is longer than any fur I've ever seen, even Zsa Zsa Gabor's coats?
because its a derivative of the old english word furlang. It has nothing to do with fur
How come a furlong is longer than any fur I've ever seen, even Zsa Zsa Gabor's coats?
because its a derivative of the old english word furlang. It has nothing to do with fur
Dude, you just don't get the rules of this game, do ya?
(You answer their stupid question with a stupid answer, then ask your own stupid question...)
How come a furlong is longer than any fur I've ever seen, even Zsa Zsa Gabor's coats?
'Cuz th' length o' a furlong is d'termined by how long ye travelled fur...
If Jesse has two coins and I gave him a nickel, would he have enough money to buy a clue?
nope but then he'd be Jesse Three Coins (the ladies call me that ;) ) whys is mad jack's skull avatar wearing a gardening hat?
nope but then he'd be Jesse Three Coins (the ladies call me that ;) ) whys is mad jack's skull avatar wearing a gardening hat?
Because the skull used to belong to my nosy neighbor, who liked to garden...
Why don't they make loaves of bread just a little bit longer, so you could have the same number of pieces in the loaf, but wouldn't get stuck with those two on the ends being tiny paper-thin crumbs?
nope but then he'd be Jesse Three Coins (the ladies call me that ;) ) whys is mad jack's skull avatar wearing a gardening hat?
Because the skull used to belong to my nosy neighbor, who liked to garden...
Why don't they make loaves of bread just a little bit longer, so you could have the same number of pieces in the loaf, but wouldn't get stuck with those two on the ends being tiny paper-thin crumbs?
Because then it would have to be an online only application, allowing you to get all the crunch AND fluff in one shot.
If Nerd Rage suddenly became a zombification inducing disease, would it induce speed zombies like in the movie, or would they just sit around a gaming table and groan about the Zombie Weakness trait?
Could one still outrun a zombie wearing a pair of running shoes?
Am I back?
only on days that end in y
why do I have to straighten my hair every day?
What are the 9 days of the week?
...or are they?
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!
Do you believe, not in the you that believes in you, or the me that belives in you, but in the you that believes in the me that believes in you?
Someone who watches too much anime.
Do you believe, not in the you that believes in you, or the me that belives in you, but in the you that believes in the me that believes in you?
both! but on the gripping hand I don't think I appropriately grok that ;)
Am I obviously pansexual?
Yes. Clearly. The little goat horns, hooves and flute give you away.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody was there to hear it, will the environmentalist fanatics still claim it screamed?
Yes. Clearly. The little goat horns, hooves and flute give you away.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody was there to hear it, will the environmentalist fanatics still claim it screamed?
only if you let them open their mouths.
Which way to tiparelly?
Yes. Clearly. The little goat horns, hooves and flute give you away.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody was there to hear it, will the environmentalist fanatics still claim it screamed?
only if you let them open their mouths.
Which way to tiparelly?
First star on the left, and then turn at Albuquerque.
If your Smartphone is so smart, why can you call the wrong number?
If we're dying from the moment we're conceived, why do we waste so much of our very limited time doing things we dislike?
Death or chocolate?
Masochism.
Death or chocolate?
both!
why is the sky blue?
Whar oh whar has my little soul gone, oh whar oh whar could it be?
To get to the other side.
Whar oh whar has my little soul gone, oh whar oh whar could it be?
in a phylactery,
know what im gonna do with it? ;) bahaha
Sell it to pay for more black nail polish and skinny jeans.
Why is it ganstas look badass when they wear their pants falling down over their ass, but emos just look like their clothes don't fit when they do it?
And what gave gangstas the idea to hold guns sideways, anyway?
Gangstas don't actually shoot their guns sideways on purpose - when you start throwing gang signs with a gun in your hand, you tend to accidentally pull the trigger alot...
If I opened up Someone's avatar in photoshop and reversed the colors so that the person was blue and the background was red, would that automatically change his name to No One?
Anyone else think that movie was just "Dances With Wolves... IN SPACE"?
What could I get if I held myself for ransom?
What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
Who drank Desperado Slim's beer?
A miracle.
Who drank Desperado Slim's beer?
Desperado Fatso.
Is a square on the battlemat refered to as a '5 foot square' in the UK, or some metric equivalent?
No one really knows, since nobody can ever understand what those guys are saying anyway...
Am I evil, or just easily amused?
Am I insane or just cjhegf;kasjflkjuaewbvlkja?
Anyone know how to pronounce "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz"?
It rhymes with "Steve"...
If your entire head is stuck in in a metal container, can you still think outside the box?
Do you orphaned thoughts are happy?
What's the deal with airplane food?
How much patience is too much patience?
Why do people find Carrot Top funny?
Because people like to laugh at the handicapped and those less fortunate than they are...
Why are stupid people so stupid?
Who's back and still bitter about 4e?
Because they're stupid, like Fourth Edition.
Who's back and still bitter about 4e?
I'm not bitter, but I wouldn't play 4e if there was free beer and pizza.