Because Valentine's Day Is Over - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

Because Valentine's Day Is Over

Post/Author/DateTime Post
#1
awesome_dude
Feb 14, 2009 23:07:58 Looking at my younger brother today with his crappy grocery store flowers on his way to his girlfriend's house made me think about what love is. Like all those 80s stadium rock bands (Van Halen, Styx, Foreigner, etc.), I wanna know what love is. How do I know when it's love? Does love shine in her eyes? Do I need her love to see me through?

And I've come up with a relatively useful mathematical value that may serve a decent purpose in mathematicizing the one of the few things left on this earth that are not logical because people like it that way. I call it Awesome Dude's Commercial Love Coefficient. It is determined thus, as the factor determining the increase in love in return for a gift:

φ = (Amount of money spent on an item)/(Amount of money the item is actually worth)

In determining an individual X's objective love for individual Y, the coefficient also has a decent purpose, and has a value determined by the value which X is willing to spend on an item for Y, again, divided by the item's objective value.

Preferably, though, it should be measured by an exam to roughly determine the subject's coefficient in relation to its object of affection, so as to reduce expenditure of the subject's currency.

Discuss. And happy ****ing Valentine's Day.
#2
count_arioch_the_28th
Feb 14, 2009 23:13:09 I don't really want a woman ruining my life, but I do wish someone would buy me something.

My perfect mate is a woman that will buy me an iPod then I never have to see her ever again.
#3
Dark_Stryke
Feb 15, 2009 0:15:33 This was probably my most awkward valentine's day ever.

Lessee... First of all, I worked from 9-6, running on 4 hours of sleep. Got picked up by my best friend, another friend, and two friends of my best friend (female), who want to stop at the mall for "just five minutes" to pick up one shirt. So, one hour and 5 shirts later, we leave the mall, and the girls develop a dislike for me and my other friend, but invite us to hang out with them before they head off to the bar anyway, because they're friends with my best friend, and he's the one driving.

So fine, we go to their house. The girls promptly ignore all three of us, so we decide to play some videogames. Later, the rest of the people who are going to the bar with them show up for predrinking. Among them: my ex, and my best friend's ex. Awesome. We continue to be ignored, I develop a pounding headache and lie down on the couch. My best friend chucks a soccer ball at me. I hang on to it so he can't throw it at me again.

My ex asks why I'm holding a volleyball. I explain that it's a soccer ball, and I'm just keeping people from throwing it at me. She seems unable to grasp the difference between a volleyball and a soccer ball, despite repeated attempts of all those present to explain it to her. I wonder what I ever saw in her and contemplate murdering everyone in the room.

Later, we leave, and spend the next few hours sitting around, talking, and watching internet videos. My best friend's hyperactive brother shows up and starts telling a bunch of very un-funny stories and laughing hysterically. We very awkwardly chuckle along with him. My best friend drives me home.

And I have to work again in 8 hours. Joy.
#4
minesril
Feb 15, 2009 3:58:25 Not sure I can tell you exactly what love is, but I do know that my husband is also my best friend who incidentally I fancy the hell out of.
And we both love D&D...at the moment we're generating characters that are married to one another, and really looking forward to seeing how it works in-game.
#5
ranadiel
Feb 15, 2009 6:44:39 I had my most awesome Valentine's Day ever. I spent pretty much the entire day reading Open Grave(because undeath and Valentine's Day go together so well). I then spent about an hour lost. Followed by an hour or two talking with the girl that I like followed by another hour completely lost and then bed. Best Valentine's Day ever!:P

As for what love is, I think that everyone feels it in a different way. Personally speaking, I feel love as a strong urge or compulsion to do everything I can to help and protect the girl that I like.

My ex asks why I'm holding a volleyball. I explain that it's a soccer ball, and I'm just keeping people from throwing it at me. She seems unable to grasp the difference between a volleyball and a soccer ball, despite repeated attempts of all those present to explain it to her. I wonder what I ever saw in her and contemplate murdering everyone in the room.

.....I swear I've read this paragraph before. Is this a reference to something or has my (completely useless) ability to see random events from the future returning?
#6
arderkrag
Feb 15, 2009 7:08:48
Discuss. And happy ****ing Valentine's Day.

Back at ya.

As to your theory, I don't know which is sadder - the fact that you put so much thought into it, or that I understood it.

Valentine's was pretty good this year. The wife got me The Horror Stories of Robert E. Howard, I got her some pink Skullcandy headphones.
#7
ranadiel
Feb 15, 2009 7:22:45 After having looked at your formula a little more closely, I think I've found a flaw in it. It doesn't take into account the actual item and doesn't take into account that frequently the reciever of said object does not know the price spent on the object.

So if someone were to buy a single wilting rose off of a street vendor for ten times the worth of the rose, that gives them a coefficient of 10.

Now if you someone else were to buy a mansion for their loved one, but spend half the amount it was worth, that would give them a coefficient of .5.

However the price spent on these items would not be factored in at all and the mansion would in almost all cases be recieved as a better gift despite the difference in coefficient. It also doesn't take into account the personal preference of the reciever. As there should be a difference between buying them their favorite flowers versus buying them their most hated flowers even if the absolute and relative prices are the exact same.
#8
awesome_dude
Feb 15, 2009 16:35:29
It doesn't take into account the actual item and doesn't take into account that frequently the reciever of said object does not know the price spent on the object.

Actually, that was one of the subtler parts of the joke. Part of making romantic conquest so clinical and sterile would imply supplying the receipt and appraisal verification (by an expert, of course) to the receiving person, so that they may calculate the value of the gift.
It also doesn't take into account the personal preference of the reciever. As there should be a difference between buying them their favorite flowers versus buying them their most hated flowers even if the absolute and relative prices are the exact same.

I know, right? I see you can appreciate the utterly clueless nature of the OP.
#9
ciaran
Feb 15, 2009 22:26:27 My girlfriend and I have a bad habit of getting into arguments on holidays. Love is irrational and complicated but a fact of life.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 awesome_dude Feb 14, 2009 23:07:58	Looking at my younger brother today with his crappy grocery store flowers on his way to his girlfriend's house made me think about what love is. Like all those 80s stadium rock bands (Van Halen, Styx, Foreigner, etc.), I wanna know what love is. How do I know when it's love? Does love shine in her eyes? Do I need her love to see me through? And I've come up with a relatively useful mathematical value that may serve a decent purpose in mathematicizing the one of the few things left on this earth that are not logical because people like it that way. I call it Awesome Dude's Commercial Love Coefficient. It is determined thus, as the factor determining the increase in love in return for a gift: φ = (Amount of money spent on an item)/(Amount of money the item is actually worth) In determining an individual X's objective love for individual Y, the coefficient also has a decent purpose, and has a value determined by the value which X is willing to spend on an item for Y, again, divided by the item's objective value. Preferably, though, it should be measured by an exam to roughly determine the subject's coefficient in relation to its object of affection, so as to reduce expenditure of the subject's currency. Discuss. And happy ****ing Valentine's Day.
#2 count_arioch_the_28th Feb 14, 2009 23:13:09	I don't really want a woman ruining my life, but I do wish someone would buy me something. My perfect mate is a woman that will buy me an iPod then I never have to see her ever again.
#3 Dark_Stryke Feb 15, 2009 0:15:33	This was probably my most awkward valentine's day ever. Lessee... First of all, I worked from 9-6, running on 4 hours of sleep. Got picked up by my best friend, another friend, and two friends of my best friend (female), who want to stop at the mall for "just five minutes" to pick up one shirt. So, one hour and 5 shirts later, we leave the mall, and the girls develop a dislike for me and my other friend, but invite us to hang out with them before they head off to the bar anyway, because they're friends with my best friend, and he's the one driving. So fine, we go to their house. The girls promptly ignore all three of us, so we decide to play some videogames. Later, the rest of the people who are going to the bar with them show up for predrinking. Among them: my ex, and my best friend's ex. Awesome. We continue to be ignored, I develop a pounding headache and lie down on the couch. My best friend chucks a soccer ball at me. I hang on to it so he can't throw it at me again. My ex asks why I'm holding a volleyball. I explain that it's a soccer ball, and I'm just keeping people from throwing it at me. She seems unable to grasp the difference between a volleyball and a soccer ball, despite repeated attempts of all those present to explain it to her. I wonder what I ever saw in her and contemplate murdering everyone in the room. Later, we leave, and spend the next few hours sitting around, talking, and watching internet videos. My best friend's hyperactive brother shows up and starts telling a bunch of very un-funny stories and laughing hysterically. We very awkwardly chuckle along with him. My best friend drives me home. And I have to work again in 8 hours. Joy.
#4 minesril Feb 15, 2009 3:58:25	Not sure I can tell you exactly what love is, but I do know that my husband is also my best friend who incidentally I fancy the hell out of. And we both love D&D...at the moment we're generating characters that are married to one another, and really looking forward to seeing how it works in-game.
#5 ranadiel Feb 15, 2009 6:44:39	I had my most awesome Valentine's Day ever. I spent pretty much the entire day reading Open Grave(because undeath and Valentine's Day go together so well). I then spent about an hour lost. Followed by an hour or two talking with the girl that I like followed by another hour completely lost and then bed. Best Valentine's Day ever!:P As for what love is, I think that everyone feels it in a different way. Personally speaking, I feel love as a strong urge or compulsion to do everything I can to help and protect the girl that I like. My ex asks why I'm holding a volleyball. I explain that it's a soccer ball, and I'm just keeping people from throwing it at me. She seems unable to grasp the difference between a volleyball and a soccer ball, despite repeated attempts of all those present to explain it to her. I wonder what I ever saw in her and contemplate murdering everyone in the room. .....I swear I've read this paragraph before. Is this a reference to something or has my (completely useless) ability to see random events from the future returning?
#6 arderkrag Feb 15, 2009 7:08:48	Discuss. And happy ****ing Valentine's Day. Back at ya. As to your theory, I don't know which is sadder - the fact that you put so much thought into it, or that I understood it. Valentine's was pretty good this year. The wife got me The Horror Stories of Robert E. Howard, I got her some pink Skullcandy headphones.
#7 ranadiel Feb 15, 2009 7:22:45	After having looked at your formula a little more closely, I think I've found a flaw in it. It doesn't take into account the actual item and doesn't take into account that frequently the reciever of said object does not know the price spent on the object. So if someone were to buy a single wilting rose off of a street vendor for ten times the worth of the rose, that gives them a coefficient of 10. Now if you someone else were to buy a mansion for their loved one, but spend half the amount it was worth, that would give them a coefficient of .5. However the price spent on these items would not be factored in at all and the mansion would in almost all cases be recieved as a better gift despite the difference in coefficient. It also doesn't take into account the personal preference of the reciever. As there should be a difference between buying them their favorite flowers versus buying them their most hated flowers even if the absolute and relative prices are the exact same.
#8 awesome_dude Feb 15, 2009 16:35:29	It doesn't take into account the actual item and doesn't take into account that frequently the reciever of said object does not know the price spent on the object. Actually, that was one of the subtler parts of the joke. Part of making romantic conquest so clinical and sterile would imply supplying the receipt and appraisal verification (by an expert, of course) to the receiving person, so that they may calculate the value of the gift. It also doesn't take into account the personal preference of the reciever. As there should be a difference between buying them their favorite flowers versus buying them their most hated flowers even if the absolute and relative prices are the exact same. I know, right? I see you can appreciate the utterly clueless nature of the OP.
#9 ciaran Feb 15, 2009 22:26:27	My girlfriend and I have a bad habit of getting into arguments on holidays. Love is irrational and complicated but a fact of life.