)What's the matter with the game I'm playing?
I’ve got books that I’ve never tried!
Now you’re telling me that they’re outdated
And that they’ve got to be revised!
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey?
Get ready to shell out a whole lot of money.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Honey, so go buy this new D&D!
What's the matter with my old elf Wizard?
Can't you tell that he's out of style?
Now he needs a bunch of kewl new powers,
No more running out of spells...so smile!
Nowadays you can't be too sentimental
Embrace this revision with a passion that’s mental!
Slam dunk, all you punks throw away your old junk
And buy this new D&D!
Oh, it doesn't matter what they say on the forums
'Cause it's always been the same old scene.
There's a new set of rules
But the same bunch of fools hawking gaming by computer screen...
Aimed at your average teen
How about a really cool new fighter
With a kick-butt battle stance?
And we know you’re gonna love the D.I.
If you just give it half a chance.
Don't waste your money on food or on schoolbooks,
Yo’re gonna need it all for a new set of rulebooks!
Next phase! Feel dazed? Buy it anyways
And try this new D&D!
What's the matter with those darned doomsayers?
Don't you know that they're out of touch?
Shouldn't ask “Hey, why a new edition?”
If you are then you think too much.
Don't you know about the new system honey?
All you need’s a laptop and a whole lotta money.
It's the next phase, new wave, game craze, be amazed,
So buy this new D&D!
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Funny, but I don’t think I need 4e!
Awesome lyrics.
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his multiclass gnome bard/druid/barbarian
He refuses to buy, he prefers just to bawl,
And he's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his books and the battles he's ran,
And he knows he'll be rich when he sells Complete Spam-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
Give a moment or two to the angry young man,
With confusing grapple and improved overran
All of the web previews have been misunderstood,
He believes that alignment is still lawful good.
And he sits in a room with a lock on the door,
With his maps and his minis laid out on the floor-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
I believe I've passed the age
Of edition wars and grognard rage
I found I like roleplaying about any fights.
I once believed like throwbacks do,
I had my pointless point of view.
The game went on no matter who had copyrights. OHHHHHHHH
And there's always a place for the angry young man,
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand.
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes,
So he can't understand all the Pun Pun-ish breaks.
And his ego is based on the games in his room
When his CodZilla Build pwned the Red Hand of Doom
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man.
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his multiclass gnome bard/druid/barbarian
He refuses to buy, he prefers just to bawl,
And he's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his books and the battles he's ran,
And he knows he'll be rich when he sells Complete Spam-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
(Didn't have to change that much.)
I didn't want to do it but I got too lonely
I had to call you up in the middle of the night
I know you're trying hard to make good rules for encumbrance
But for real-life physics simulation
Know that D&D needs no explanation
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
But heroic fantasy
Is all you need
When am I gonna take control get a hold of all my house rules
Why must I translate every weapon into force-velocity
I've got a chart that randomly rolls when your longsword needs cleaning
I know it's no chemical reaction
My brain always rejects the abstraction
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
But heroic fantasy
Is all you need
Sure it would be better if it had nothing called hit points
And if one-third of the world died in the bubonic plague
I'm sure it would be fun if my character had polio
Don't be afraid to say the words that move me
Anytime you want to tell them to me
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
But heroic fantasy
Is all you need
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
Heroic fantasy
Is not realistic
Some folks like to optimize, or prioritize with a prestige class
Add templates to a living spell and be badass
I'm playing a tiefling with a power source divine
I'm in a 4E state of mind.
I've seen all the upper planes from Bytopia to Elysium
Fought 'loths in Gehenna and Pandemonium
But Elemental Wastes are calling and I don't want to waste more time
I'm in a 4E state of mind.
CHORUS:
It wasn't easy learning how to play
Level adjustments gave me the blues,
But now I need a little give and take,
Some racial feats with daily use
It comes down to strategy - and its fine with me cause I'll shift and slide,
Don't care if it's a dwarven stance or half-elven pride,
I dont have any stat loss, it's back in three-point-five
I'm in a 4E state of mind.
CHORUS
I'm just playing a tiefling with a power source divine
cause I'm in a 4E state of mind.
Second Wind
You're having a hard time and lately you don't feel so good
You're low on hit points and you're not feeling lawful good
It's alright, it's alright
Sometimes that's what it takes
You're demi-human, you're allowed to make your share of mistakes
You better believe there will be times in your life
When you'll be missing your ol' healing wand
But take it from me you'll heal more in extended rests
Than anything a paladin could lay on hand!
Don't forget your second wind
Sooner or later you'll get your second wind
It's not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You're gonna be fighting off the ropers again and again
It's alright, it's alright
Though you fail your backstab
You're demi-human, you'll escape that tentacle grab
Just like your fight against the four war trolls
When you recall each regenerates plenty
Unlike them you can't reattach your limbs
But you can use your wind and then drop them with a twenty!
Don't forget your second wind
In each encounter before you're all done in
You've been keeping to 3E these days
Cause you think you'll lose to even a stirge
Recall before you just give up and die
And call for a funeral dirge
You can splurge
On that old second wind healing surge
You probably don't want to hear advice from someone else
But I wouldn't be telling you if I hadn't been there myself
It's alright, it's alright
Sometimes that's all it takes
We're demi-human
We're supposed to make mistakes
But I survived all those long lonely fights
When it seemed my way the dice won't spin
But all I needed was a healing salve
So I could catch my second wind