Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 pekkle Apr 09, 2009 13:41:49	Do any of the ladies out there ever find it difficult to take compliments? Maybe more so compliments from guys? Maybe more so compliments from guys you may have only known for a few weeks/months? I used to find that whenever i said something complimentary like "You look nice today" or "Hey i noticed you changed your hair, it looks good" the girls in the group i started with would always seem to immediately either: Put themselves down or Say something like "Oh... ok, uh, yeah, thanks" It doesn't so much happen anymore, in fact we seem to compliment each other all the time now, but in the beginning... So yeah, just wondering if this is a common theme :D - PEKKLE!
#2 runcdfirst Apr 09, 2009 13:52:50	I've met girls like that. I think sometimes it's a mixture of low self-esteem and/or an attempt to deflect interest.
#3 KillerGM Apr 09, 2009 13:59:11	Well, sometimes it's uncomfortable because it's often a prelude to a more awkward situation. Many men will compliment a woman as a way to soften her up to get into her pants. Women are taught to be on guard for these things - after all, men are only interested in one thing. ;) (Note: I don't believe this, but it's a common theme in our [US] society.) Just asking for complete reference - would you only compliment the girls in the group in this way, or do you compliment everyone? If it's the former, it might send out the above signals (seeing as you're only "nice" to the girls in this way). Some people in general don't know how to take a compliment, immediately offering up a put-down in the face of one. I've seen guys and girls do this - if you are only complimenting the girls, that might be why you only see them doing it, or if you're complimenting everyone, it might be that the girls in your group have similar personalities. Personally, I say "thank you" when someone compliments me. I am also pretty free with compliments, though. I also tend to give people much more altruistic motives than more commonly ascribed. Honestly, it's more of a personal preference - I've seen men and women not be able to take compliments. I think there are societal factors that may influence them, but I think that it's pretty wide-spread. I hope this makes some kind of sense. :D
#4 runcdfirst Apr 09, 2009 14:12:08	Well, sometimes it's uncomfortable because it's often a prelude to a more awkward situation. Many men will compliment a woman as a way to soften her up to get into her pants. Women are taught to be on guard for these things - after all, men are only interested in one thing. ;) (Note: I don't believe this, but it's a common theme in our [US] society.) Just asking for complete reference - would you only compliment the girls in the group in this way, or do you compliment everyone? If it's the former, it might send out the above signals (seeing as you're only "nice" to the girls in this way). Some people in general don't know how to take a compliment, immediately offering up a put-down in the face of one. I've seen guys and girls do this - if you are only complimenting the girls, that might be why you only see them doing it, or if you're complimenting everyone, it might be that the girls in your group have similar personalities. Personally, I say "thank you" when someone compliments me. I am also pretty free with compliments, though. I also tend to give people much more altruistic motives than more commonly ascribed. Honestly, it's more of a personal preference - I've seen men and women not be able to take compliments. I think there are societal factors that may influence them, but I think that it's pretty wide-spread. I hope this makes some kind of sense. :D KGM, you're so good with words. ;)
#5 ViolenceJack Apr 10, 2009 3:48:53	What KGM said about often enough being a prelude to something the woman may not really want. Also agree that this is not something specific to women at all... I generally don't take compliments very well. Even when I know that it's quite true, I have a pretty hard time just saying "thanks;" I always feel the need to at least partially deflect it. Number of factors at play there, but I don't know that this is really the place to get into it.
#6 mplindustries Apr 10, 2009 8:59:03	People are taught early on that indicating your own awesomeness in any way is "bragging" or "arrogance" or at the very least "impolite" and "lacking in humility." So if someone says "You're awesome," if you don't deflect it, you'll be admitting that you are indeed awesome. Thus you are an impolite, arrogant braggart that lacks humility when you take a compliment. It's this whole stupid thing. On the other hand, really, if you told a girl she looked nice, I'd assume you have ulterior motives. Otherwise, you're lying/exaggerating on how good they look, or you're hedging your bets for later.
#7 Einlanzer Apr 10, 2009 10:59:27	Often times compliments do come with an ulterior motive, and I often observe girls responding awkwardly to compliments from other guys that is very obviously due to them feeling creeped out because someone they perceive as weird is hitting on them. Even if that isn't the case though, many people are at least somewhat uncomfortable with receiving them. Even with someone I'm dating I tend to get a little squirmy when they go overboard complimenting me. Who knows why? I think it weirds me out a little if I feel like someone is paying too much attention to me, but I don't think it's due to insecurity, just a general creepiness factor. As a result, I'm pretty conservative about handing out compliments, and I do it with both sexes.
#8 numbertwelve Apr 10, 2009 22:19:17	Often times compliments do come with an ulterior motive, and I often observe girls responding awkwardly to compliments from other guys that is very obviously due to them feeling creeped out because someone they perceive as weird is hitting on them. Even if that isn't the case though, many people are at least somewhat uncomfortable with receiving them. Even with someone I'm dating I tend to get a little squirmy when they go overboard complimenting me. Who knows why? I think it weirds me out a little if I feel like someone is paying too much attention to me, but I don't think it's due to insecurity, just a general creepiness factor. As a result, I'm pretty conservative about handing out compliments, and I do it with both sexes. All compliments have ulterior motives. But it is only creepy if an ugly and socially akward guy is doing it. when it is Tom Brady, girls don't seem to mind.
#9 mplindustries Apr 11, 2009 1:12:04	All compliments have ulterior motives. But it is only creepy if an ugly and socially akward guy is doing it. when it is Tom Brady, girls don't seem to mind. I'd be pretty creeped out if Tom Brady came to my D&D game and started hitting on the girls.
#10 numbertwelve Apr 11, 2009 11:03:11	I'd be pretty creeped out if Tom Brady came to my D&D game and started hitting on the girls. I doubt it. Every woman says something like that. Then Tom Brady shows up and they melt in his hands.
#11 Webster Apr 11, 2009 11:13:14	Not D&D related... Moved to the Off topic tavern.
#12 ciaran Apr 11, 2009 14:47:48	I was uncomfortable with it when I was young. I didn't want the attention and was confused as to why the person was saying what they were. I learned to just say thank you graciously and mean it. Haven't you paid someone a compliment you meant? Its the same thing. Now motives and sarcasm are a different matter...
#13 wildiscardus_dup Apr 11, 2009 23:36:51	I compliment everyone, bro or sis, it doesn't matter. I was raised to be courteous and polite, so complimenting is just a natural expression of that upbringing. I'd say that women (not all) of the North American persuasion tend to interpret compliments with a guarded front. Too many little boys these days (no what if their 10-70) are only (not always) interested in the sexual aspect of the female form. I blame society and the media for these kinds of negative social reinforcements.