Examples:
Curse: may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your right nostril.
Insult: From David Letterman: When you go to the mind-reader, do you get half price?
Keep all insults and curses within the guidelines of creativity.
Rule 1: Absulutely under no circumstances should profanity or allusions (i.e. using nonsense letters to block out part of the obscene word) to profanity be part of the the curse or insult. This is a CoC violation in any case.
Rule 2: If using a curse or insult from a published source, quote the source.
Rule 3: No discussing the merits of an insult or curse. This is a creativity thread, nothing more.
If you can try to frame the curse or insult in a fantasy setting, e.g. D&D, Warhammer, WoW, etc., all the better.
Thanks and have fun!
You son of a window-dresser!
I blow my nose at you!
You empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!
You tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms!
I fart in your general direction!
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!
I wave my private parts at your aunties!
You cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters!
From the television series Rome:
It's as hot as Vulcan's dick out here.
My you are truely Venus's cross.
He would follow The Standard up Pluto's [butt].
...What? Wulfgar said it.
When the dead rise, your head will be the most effective form of Zombie repellent.
My genitals might be more effective.
Yes, because even hungry zombies find them hilarious enough to fall on the ground laughing so they can be dealt with.
Insult, spoken to an eladrin prince: I bet your mother was a drow with all your haughtiness.
Curse, spoken to an eladrin princess by a condemned elf: May you be captured by a male drow and have offspring.
This could be an insult or a curse depending on your point of view: a vampire's (former) friend sets him up with a blind date only to find out that the date was a werebat.
When the dead rise, your head will be the most effective form of Zombie repellent.
You are assuming, of course, that the zombies are of the brain-eating variety, no? George Romero's zombies, as well as many others, were flesh-eating zombies, happy (at least as happy as mindless creatures can get) to eat all the parts of their victims.
They are NOT the kind of people to whom you want to grab your loins and cry out, "Eat me!" or "Bite me!" as a challenge.
Insult: Your body odor is so bad, if gravity was not a law, even the Earth would repel you.
Insult from Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!
Insult from Churchill to Astor: Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!
- any and all Warhammer Orks
"Bite my shiny metal* arse!"
- Bender Bending Rodriguez, Futurama
* may substitute daffodil for metal
"Shameless ape, you are a disgrace to all apes."
- Eladrin in my campaign setting are Xenophobic and elitist, also addicted to power.
"May the Sun burn your flesh and bleach your bones."
-Drow insult. The majority of Drow in my world believe that exposure to the Sun will kill them.
"You are as honest as a tiefling."
- Grave insult between Dragonborn
"May your Ancestors be forgotten with you"
-Dwarf curse
"May you live in interesting times."
-a shared Human and Halfling curse
"Yellow soft skins"
-Thri-Kreen insult
"May your welcome in Hell be a warm one."
- Tiefling
"Your body would make a fine meal."
- Feral Elves
"Shut your mouth before I gut you for your coin"
- Urban Elves
"Soulless Vagabond"
-Gnome
Insult: Your body odor is so bad, if [were] gravity was not a law, even the Earth would [be] repel[led by] you.
Fixed.
Insult: Your body odor is so bad, if [were] gravity was not a law, even the Earth would [be] repel[led by] you.
Fixed.
I phrased it the way I did to give the image of the Earth repelling the offender into outerspace.
Your version gives the image of the offender repelling the Earth.
I guess either way, its an insult.
These insults have to do with my own campaign setting so some won't make sense.
"Shameless ape, you are a disgrace to all apes."
- Eladrin in my campaign setting are Xenophobic and elitist, also addicted to power.
"May the Sun burn your flesh and bleach your bones."
-Drow insult. The majority of Drow in my world believe that exposure to the Sun will kill them.
"You are as honest as a tiefling."
- Grave insult between Dragonborn
"May your Ancestors be forgotten with you"
-Dwarf curse
"May you live in interesting times."
-a shared Human and Halfling curse
"Yellow soft skins"
-Thri-Kreen insult
"May your welcome in Hell be a warm one."
- Tiefling
"Your body would make a fine meal."
- Feral Elves
"Shut your mouth before I gut you for your coin"
- Urban Elves
"Soulless Vagabond"
-Gnome
These are really good, I'm going to use some tomorrow night. Also, nice Manual of the Planes picture :P
4on.
"Sod off ya mangy git!"
- any and all Warhammer Orks
... Warhammer Orks are British?
Insult: Your body odor is so bad, if [were] gravity was not a law, even the Earth would [be] repel[led by] you.
Fixed.
I phrased it the way I did to give the image of the Earth repelling the offender into outerspace.
Your version gives the image of the offender repelling the Earth.
I guess either way, its an insult.
Jah, but the only reason the joke works is because of the dual meanings of the word repel (repulse) to both push away and to disgust. The way you phrase it, it sounds to mean that he finds the earth disgusting.
The way I phrased it, it means 'you smell so disgusting, even the earth only stays near you because it has to'. I like that joke. Hooray gravity based insult puns!
"Sod off ya mangy git!"
- any and all Warhammer Orks
... Warhammer Orks are British?
British football hooligan crossed with psychotic child who gets a kick out of violence and likes big guns/attacking the Empire.
@Toasted. It's one of the agree to disagree things. I read it one way and you read it another.
Insult: Your mother wears combat boots.
Return insult: Well, she got them from your grandma.
Insult: Do you realize why you remind be of dandruff? It's becuase you're such a flake.
Curse: May you be stung by 1000 Africanized bees that was making their nest under the bed that you were being intimate on.
Curse: May you find the genie of the lamp and you get everything you want, then wake up.
Curse (alternate version): May you find the genie of the lamp only find out that he's out of the wish granting business.
Curse: Speaking to a former friend, "I wish you well." A nearby genie overhearing the wish grants it by turning the friend into a well.
Curse: I hope you win the stupid contest we entered you in. Since it is run by the mob, it will be really stupid of you not to show up.
Insult: Poor [insert name], he thinks he's a vampire.
Why?
Whenever he looks in a mirror he can't see is reflection.
Oh, that. It's because he's so ugly his reflection is always hiding.
"Sod off ya mangy git!"
- any and all Warhammer Orks
... Warhammer Orks are British?
British football hooligan crossed with psychotic child who gets a kick out of violence and likes big guns/attacking the Empire.
Yep. 40k is all of the above but IN SPACE!
Insult: Your mother wears combat boots.Return insult: Well, she got them from your grandma.
Alternate retort: I suppose you would have gotten a good view of the tread.
Because she kicked you in the face.
The tread was close to your face, you see.
When she kicked you.
In the face.
Kick.
Face.
Kick-face.
Insult: Your mother wears combat boots.Return insult: Well, she got them from your grandma.
Alternate retort: I suppose you would have gotten a good view of the tread.
Because she kicked you in the face.
The tread was close to your face, you see.
When she kicked you.
In the face.
Kick.
Face.
Kick-face.
The song Boot to the Head comes to mind.
Mr. T called.... he wants his personality back.
I never understood you know what they say about a guy who has two cats.
All I can think of is Mark Twain's bit about where the bible speaks against polygamy. "A man can not have two masters" ... or something to that sort. I can't remember the exact passage he quoted.
I didn't know you guys also had that joke. I'm guessing their is some truth to it.
Oh, it's no joke. It's just a really good time.
I appreciate the warning. Just know that if you report me, out of fairness you'll also have to report my dog. If you can live with that, so can I.
Insult: You are so ugly that you could stop a train. Problem? The train fell in love and forced you into a shotgun wedding and later on you are now raising little baby cabooses.
Insult: If I had a penny for every pound that you are overweight, I could pay off the national debt.
Insult/curse: A friend gives you a free ticket for a ride to hell in a handbasket.
Insult: If you donate your brain to science, all they'll do is try to determine why you lived in the first place.
Insult: You are so dumb, you make rocks look smart.
Curse: May the next demon you summon say, "I am your father." and due to your Lawful principles, you have to obey.
Ok. Time of the derailing is now done. Back to the insults and curses.
Insult: You are so ugly that you could stop a train. Problem? The train fell in love and forced you into a shotgun wedding and later on you are now raising little baby cabooses.
Insult: If I had a penny for every pound that you are overweight, I could pay off the national debt.
Insult/curse: A friend gives you a free ticket for a ride to hell in a handbasket.
Insult: If you donate your brain to science, all they'll do is try to determine why you lived in the first place.
Insult: You are so dumb, you make rocks look smart.
Curse: May the next demon you summon say, "I am your father." and due to your Lawful principles, you have to obey.
I have two responses. . .
That's what she said.
and
Your mother.
/yawn
Is that an insult?
Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.
Young man (after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Woman: My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Woman: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.
insult: I don't feel like wasting my time coming up with an insult for you
I love the aliteration and it came about from a series of really low attack rolls.
Here's some other Churchillisms:
Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.
Young man (after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Woman: My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Woman: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.
I enjoyed these, thank you.
Well that's counter-intuitive. Why would a gay guy want to be around that much ****?
That much what?
The censored word is the line the missing word from this famous quote (corrected for comical accent):
Tweety Bird: I think I saw a ______ cat!
Aaaaaaaaaah! Well that is kind funny. After I get over the initial sock of the vulgarity of the joke.
