Introduction
I browse this forum and often see that the edition wars still rage on. It makes me giggle and has provided me with endless entertainment. I love the internets. But I have decided that the only way to end the edition wars is to fight it out RPG style. So I have made this internet forum role-playing game to decide which edition is best (not really, but I hope you all find this funny, even if no one plays).
The idea of this game is to create a character that belongs to an edition faction, attack your enemies, kill them, gain levels, and prove that your edition is better than everyone elses.
“But how does this game work?” You ask.
Well, it isn't unlike Dungeons and Dragons. You will have a character with statistics and a method of determining success and failure of attacks. Your character will have 6 lines of information (you may include fluff before or after your stats if you like):
Baisc: this line will include Faction, Class, Player #, & Level.
Attributes: the 6 attributes and their modifiers will be listed here.
Defences: Your 4 defences and their values will be listed here.
Attacks: 2 or more Attacks will be listed on this line.
Benefits: Each level you possess will provide you with a benefit that will be listed here.
Variable: This line will be used to keep track of your RPs (Resolve Points) and Kills.
Faction, Class, & Player # are all determined when you start creating your character.
These are used to determine what kind of things your character is good at. Each of your six attributes will have a modifier that can be as high as +10. Your modifier array will be chosen during Step 3 of Character Creation. The 6 Attributes and what they are good for are as follows:
LOUD (Lou): The louder you are the more people that hear you and thus the more effective any arguments you make are...right?
INTENSITY (Ity): If you're intense, people take you seriously. Or you will cut them. YOU'LL DO IT!
STUBBORN (Stu): Stubborness always wins arguments. Always. Yes it does. It totally does. Actually, it does.
LOGIC (Log): If E = mc*mc, then fireball = fail, see? The simple fact is that lack of Physics really hurts verisimilitude.
SANITY (San): All the other stats should probably chill out a little.
CUNNING (Cun): Quick! Look behind you at that famous person and/or Important Event! (Stab-Stab-Stab)
The 4 Defences
These are used as target numbers that your enemies need to meet or exceed in order to successfully attack you (this is explained in the Combat Rulez section). Your Defences line should look something like this (where XX would be the value of the defense):
- Def=XX, Ign=XX, Avo=XX, Zeal=XX
Your Defenses, their starting value, and what they are useful against are as follows:
DEFLECT (Def): This is your most basic defence and is used to stop incoming argument attacks by directly opposing your opponents arguments with your own.
Your starting Def is 15 + Class modifier.
IGNORE (Ign): This defence is used to completely disregard argument attacks by just completely pretending that the argument does not exists. Sometimes it helps to say “LALALALALALA!”
Your Starting Ign is 10 + Intensity Modifier + Loud Modifier + Class Modifier .
AVOID (Avo): This is your defence used to skirt controversial issues and turn the argument in another direction. “No, no...the goal post is over here!”
Your starting Avo is 10 + Logic Modifier + Cunning Modifier + Class Modifier.
ZEAL (Zeal): This defence allows you to continue arguing regardless of how absurd other people have made you sound, at least until you can't take it anymore.
Your starting Zeal is 10 + Sanity Modifier + Stubborn Modifier + Class Modifier.
Attacks are chosen during Step 4 of Character Creation. Each player can choose 2 attacks at level 1 before the player chooses any benefits. Your attack line should be formatted as follows:
(attack name): +(to hit modifier)/(damage), (attack name): +(to hit modifier)/(damage).
Benefits
You get to choose 1 benefit per level you have achieved (including 1st level). Each benefit has an associated letter value and provides you with some kind of bonus (WOW, Really?!). Some benefits give a bonus to a specific Attribute or Defence or Attack or whatever of your choice, and if this is the case, you must put exactly what you are applying the bonus to in parenthesis. Your Benefits line should be formatted to look something like this:
X, Y (whatever), Z.
Variable
This is where you keep track of your Resolve Points (kind of like Hit Points in D&D) and the number of kills you have. These values should be updated every post you make. If you have made a mistake, you should go back and edit your post for accuracy. Your Variable line should look something like this:
XX/YY RPs, ZZ Kills
Where XX is your current number of RPs, and YY is your maximum number of RPs and ZZ is the number of kills you have earned.
RESOLVE POINTS: This is your ability to continue arguing that your edition is better than all the others. When you have been reduced to 0 or less RPs you have been argued to death. RPs are an abstract concept and don't actually represent physical wounds. If an ability allows you to gain RPs, it cannot raise your current RPs above your maximum RP value.
The starting value for your maximum Resolve Points is 20 at first level, before adding any bonuses from class or benefits.
KILLS: If one of your attacks reduces another players RPs to 0 or less, you have killed them and you may add one to this value. The number of kills you have determine your level (see the “Gaining Levels” section under Character Creation).
Your first post in this thread should be your newly created character.
There are 6 steps you need to take to create your character:
Step 1
Determine your Player Number. If you already have a player number you may skip this step. If you are a new player and this is your first character, you must put the words “NEW PLAYER” just below the d20 roll at the top of your post (see the “#d20 Rule” below in the Combat Rulez section of this thread before posting anything). Your player number is one higher than that of the the last new player. You will have to search backwards though the thread in order to find the last new player.
Step 2
Determine your starting faction. To determine your faction take the last digit of your Player Number and compare to the chart below:
1 or 6: you belong to the Prehistoric Edition Faction
2 or 7: you belong to the Nostalgic Edition Faction
3 or 8: you belong to the That Edition Faction
4 or 9: you belong to the Penultimate Edition Faction
5 or 0: you belong to the Shiny Edition Faction.
So, for example, if you player number is 17, you would belong to the Nostalgic Edition Faction. You may wonder “why can't I choose my faction?” But if we let everyone choose their faction, then the game might become pretty one sided if many of the players choose the same faction.
However, you may trade factions with someone else if you can get another player to agree. If you do this you swap player numbers. So, for example, if you are player 12 and you trade with player 10, then you traded your Nostalgic faction for the Shiny faction, your Loud modifier would be reduced by one and your sanity modifier would go up by one.
Factions:
PREHISTORIC EDITION: Players from this faction like this edition because it was the first one. AND it came in a box. These old-timer hobbyists had a lot of experience and if you are from this faction you increase your Cunning modifier by one after assigning your Attribute array.
NOSTALGIC EDITION: Players from this faction know this is the edition where the “real ” fun began. AND the edition it's almost as old as the Prehistoric Edition, so it's still considered “Old School.” These people couldn't be bothered to change editions and are very vocal when they reminisce about the “Good ol' Days.” If you belong to this faction increase your Loud modifier by one after assigning your Attribute array.
“THAT” EDITION: Players from this faction know that all the good settings originally came out for this edition. AND it still used THAC0...yay!? They have adamantly refused to change editions for quite a while now and if you belong to this faction increase your Stubborn modifier by one after assigning your Attribute array.
PENULTIMATE EDITION: Players from this faction know how to put the “ultimate” into penultimate. AND they don't have to buy new books. Honestly believing their edition is better than any other, their principles will not allow them to change editions and if you belong to this faction, increase your Intensity modifier by one after you have assigned your Attribute array.
SHINY EDIDTION: Players from this faction know that newer equals better, especially if it is bright and sparkly. AND it is currently supported by corporate evil...how cool is that? As they have not been fighting change and their edition is currently supported, the members of this faction increase their Sanity modifier by one after assigning their Attribute array.
** Editor's note on Factions: All the factions like to point out how illogical the choices of the members of the other factions are, but the truth of the matter is that there is nothing logical at all about Edition Wars, so none of the factions get an increase to the Logic Attribute. **
Choose your ability array and assign the modifiers to Attribute Scores. Each character has 6 Attributes which determine what kind of actions that character is good at. Choose one of the modifier arrays below and then assign the modifiers to your attributes (one modifier per attribute).
The available arrays are:
Array #1: +4, +2, +2, 0, 0, -2
Array #2: +3, +3, +2, 0, 0, -1
Array #3: +3, +2, +2, 0, 0, 0
Array #4: +2, +2, +2, +2, 0, 0
Array #5: +2, +2, +2, +1, +1, 0
Choose a class. Your class will give you some bonuses and special abilities and bonuses and stuff. The Classes are:
GROGNARD: Complains about everything and is mighty fine at doing so.
Grognards get +1 to each of their defences (Def, Ign, Avo, & Zeal).
Thick Hide: Grognards are so used to people attacking them because of their complaints that they may add their Stubborn Modifier to their RPs (Resolve Points).
MUNCHKIN: Only plays this game to min/max their character to kill stuff better than anyone else, just like every other game they play.
Munchkins get a +3 to their Deflect defence.
Kill, Kill, Kill: Munchkins get a +2 bonus damage on all attacks at 1st Level. This bonus to increases to +3 damage at 4th level, +4 damage at 8th level, and +5 damage at 10th level.
INSTIGATOR: Only in the game to cause trouble and very likely to succeed. Instigators love playing devil's advocate and stirring up trouble. Instigators get a special ability that increases damage on those they do not like.
Instigators get a +1 to their Avoid Defence and a +2 to their Zeal Defence.
Paint Bull's Eye: The Instigator names a target with this ability and the next attack against that target, if successful, gets a bonus to damage equal to your Loud Modifier + your level . This ability counts as an attack for the purpose of the Frequency of Attacks Rule.
LURKER: Are these guys actually here? Creeeeeepy. Lurkers don't often come into the light of posting, but often influence events from the background. They get a special Attack that they can use to finish off those that are close to death.
Lurkers get a +3 to their Ignore defence.
Cull the Weak: Instead of attacking a lurker can outright kill anyone who has RPs equal to or less than the Lurker's Cunning Modifier. No to hit roll needed. This ability counts as an attack for the purpose of the Frequency of Attacks Rule.
ARBITRATOR: Trying to be the voice of reason on the internets gone mad. Arbitrators have a special Mediation ability that allows them to prevent themselves and their allies from dying:
Arbitrators get a +2 to their Deflect Defence and a +1 to their Zeal Defensible.
Mediate: instead of making an attack you may restore RPs to yourself or another player. The target of this ability regains an amount of RPs equal to your Sanity Modifier + twice your level. This ability counts as an attack for the purpose of the Frequency of Attacks Rule. You may not use this ability on a character that has been reduced to 0 RPs or less
TROLL: Setting traps for the unwary and unwise, Trolls are the masters of riling people up for a fight. Generally, the only thing a Troll wants is blood, and they don't really care who's.
Trolls get +1 to each of their defences (Def, Ign, Avo, & Zeal).
Flame Bait: When a Troll makes an attack, the next character to attack after a Troll may take a bonus to hit equal to the Troll's level. If the character attacking immediately after a Troll takes the bonus to hit, they also take an amount of damage equal to the one half the Troll's level (rounded up). Only the first Attack post after the Troll's attack can claim this bonus (others accidentally trying to claim it after that must edit their posts per the Darn You Internets Forum Rule).
FANBOY: Willing to defend his faction until the end of time. And as we all know, the best defence is a good offence.
Fanboys get a +1 to Ignore Defence and a +2 to Zeal Defence.
D-Fence!: Fanboys get bonus to hit with all attacks equal to ½ their intensity modifier (round down).
LAWYER: Knows how to use the rules against you and how to make it personal.
Lawyers get a +3 to their Avoid Defence.
Smite Rulez Breaker: You can make a special smite attack against anyone that is in violation of the rules for an amount of damage equal to your Logic Modifier + your level. This attack automatically hits, but cannot be used on a character that has died since the violation or on posts over 4 hours old.
Rules Violations include:
Failing to put a d20 roll at the top of a post.
Incorrect math when attacking/damaging an opponent.
Posting an attack before your ability to attack has recharged.
Not editing posts in a timely manner.
Typing “I'm Alive” before allowed to re-spawn.
Breaking anything falling under the Fair Play Rule.
Attempting to smite someone that has not violated a rule.
Etc.
Choose your attacks. All 1st level characters start off with 2 attacks chosen from the list below before any level benefits are chosen:
Logic Attacks:
DA: Deductive Argument – You make an intelligent argument where the premises given appears to provide complete support for your conclusion. Devastating.
Attack: +Logic to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Logic Modifier +2 “Intelligent” damage.
CM: Cerebral Mocking – You deride your targets intellect by pointing out their lack of brainpower.
Attack: Logic to hit vs. Ignore.
Damage: Cunning +1 “Witty” damage.
Effect: The next attack against the target gets a +1 bonus to hit.
Sanity Attacks:
CS: Common Sense – A little common sense never hurt anyone...until now!
Attack: Sanity to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Sanity Modifier “Reasonable” damage.
ATD: Agree to Disagree – You have Your opinion and I have mine. Take that.
Attack: Sanity to hit vs. Avoid.
Damage: Logic Modifier “Tranquility” damage.
Effect: The target cannot hurt you with their next legal attack post (all damage reduced to 0).
Stubborn Attacks:
HG: Hasty Generalization – Yeah you said it, and your not taking it back.
Attack: Stubborn to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Stubborn Modifier “Prejudice” damage.
BISS: “Because-I-Said-So” – Your opinion is the right opinion, regardless of what the facts say.
Attack: Stubborn to hit vs. Zeal.
Damage: Intensity +1 “Stupidity” damage.
Effect: Choose any other player other than the target of this attack and they take 2 damage.
Loud Attacks:
ACA: ALL CAPS ATTACK – Obviously, the louder you say something the more right you are.
Attack: Loud to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Loud Modifier +1 “Volume” damage.
RA: Rant Attack – You lay down a calamitous wall of text to crush your enemies.
Attack: Loud to hit vs. Ignore.
Damage: Stubborn modifier “Distraction” damage.
Effect: You gain 2 RPs.
Cunning:
SA: Strawman Attack – Yes it is a fallacy, and you are totally going to try to get away with it.
Attack: Cunning to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Intensity Modifier +2 “Invalid” damage.
VM: Verbal Machination – You cleverly use your opponents own arguments against them.
Attack: Cunning to hit vs. Avoid.
Damage: Sanity Modifier “Aggravation” damage.
Effect: The next attack against the target gets a +3 bonus to damage if it successfully hits.
Intensity:
PA: Personal Attack – Straight up flaming is how You roll. It is, after all, the internets.
Attack: Intensity to hit vs. Deflect.
Damage: Loud Modifier +2 “Self Esteem” damage.
EA: Emotional Appeal – Funny or sad? Happy or mad? Polite or Rude? Whatever gets results!
Attack: Intensity to hit vs. Zeal.
Damage: Cunning Modifier “Sympathy” damage.
Effect: The target gets a penalty of -2 damage on their next attack.
Choose a Benefit. At first level your character gets 1 benefit. You may choose 1 additional benefit each time you gain a level. Any benefits marked with a “*” may not be chosen at first level and may only be chosen once. The benefits are:
Benefit A: Modifier Bonus – Choose one of your attributes and raise the modifier by one (You may not increase an attribute above a +10 modifier).
Benefit B: Defence Bonus – Raise all your defences by one.
Benefit C: Attack Bonus – All your attacks get a +1 bonus to hit.
Benefit D: Damage Bonus – All your attacks get +1 damage if they hit.
Benefit E: Extra Attack – You may choose a new attack from those available to all characters at first level.
Benefit F: RP bonus – You get 3 additional RPs.
Benefit G: Weapon* – Choose 1 of your attacks. It gets a +2 bonus to hit and +1to damage (Does not stack with Megaphone)
Benefit H: Megaphone* – Choose 1 of your attacks. It gets a +2 Bonus to hit and +1 to damage (Does not stack with Weapon).
Benefit I: Armor* – You gain a +3 to Deflect Defence.
Benefit J: Earplugs* – You gain a +3 to Ignore Defence.
Benefit K: Runners* – You gain a +3 to Avoid Defence.
Benefit L: Literature* – You gain a +3 to Zeal Defence.
---
Gaining Levels:
Every time you reduce someone to 0 RPs or less, you get a kill. The number of kills you possess determine what your character's level is per the following chart:
0-1 = Level 1
2-4 = Level 2
5-8 = Level 3
9-13 = Level 4
14-19 = Level 5
20-26 = Level 6
27-34 = Level 7
35-43 = Level 8
44-53 = Level 9
54-64 = Level 10
65 = “I am aware of all internet traditions!”*
Every time you gain a level, you may choose a new Benefit from Step 6 of the Character Creation rulez. If you play this game long enough to get 65 kills (you pathetic geek) then your character becomes aware of all internet traditions and is retired with the title of “Immortal Elder of the Internets.” You must create a new character at this time.
RULE #d20:
At the top of every post you make put a random number between 1 and 20 on the first line by itself. There should be no other text on the first line of every post you make in this thread. Basically the number represents a d20 roll. This is the random roll used by the next poster if they want to attack someone. You may roll a d20 at home or use an internet random number generator if you like, but please keep it fair and honest. If you fail to put the random d20 roll at the top of your post, the next poster may use the post above you for their random roll AND if that player attacks you they get a +5 bonus to hit hit you.
ATTACKING RULE:
You may only attack one target in a post. To attack someone, you take the appropriate ability modifier for the attack and add any bonuses you have “to hit” for that attack, then add the random number at the top of the last post above where yours will be (see RULE #d20). If the total of your ability modifier, bonuses, and the random number from the post above you is greater than the target's appropriate defence, they take the damage listed for the attack. All attacks do a minimum of 1 point of damage, regardless of your modifiers. Make sure you list the targets new RP (Resolve Points).
FREQUENCY OF ATTACKS RULE:
After you have made a post that includes an attack, you may not post another attack right away. You must wait until 3 attacks have been made by characters that do not belong to your faction before you can make a post that includes an attack. Your ability to attack also recharges if 4 hours have passed since your last attack, regardless of how many attacks have been posted.
RESTORING RESOLVE POINTS RULE:
Instead of making an attack, you may instead choose to regain Resolve Points equal to your Level + the sum of all 6 of your Attribute Modifiers. Using your attack action in this way counts as an attack for the purpose of the Frequency of Attacks Rule.
DARN YOU INTERNETS FORUM RULE:
If you post an attack and between the time you started composing your post and the time you actually hit the “submit reply” button someone else has snuck a post in, then you must go back and edit your post to use the random number from the post that actually appears above yours. This may change the result of your attack and/or other relevant information in your post like; the number of kills you have, your target's RP total, or even changed stats from gaining a level. You cannot change targets when editing posts (so attacking someone that was killed by the person before you causes you to waste an attack). When any situation like this occurs, you must edit your post to reflect any new results and/or changes. You must perform this edit within 15 minutes or you are in Violation of the rules.
BUMPING THE THREAD RULE:
You may make posts that do not include attacks. In fact, you can talk about anything you like between valid attack posts, but you must still include the d20 roll on the first line. Making a post that does not include an attack is considered bumping the tread and causes you to take a -1 penalty to all defences until you make a valid attack (see frequency of attacks rule). Multiple bumping posts DO NOT cause cumulative penalties.
DOUBLE POSTING RULE:
You cannot make two posts in a row. If you do make 2 posts in a row, you are in violation of the rules and any Attacks you have made in either of the posts become void and automatically miss and have no effect. A double post violation counts as an attack for the purpose of the Frequency of Attacks Rule, even if you did not make an attack.
THE NON-PLAYER POST RULE:
If someone posts in this thread and they have not created a character, they may still be killed. Killing a non-character poster is as easy as being the first person to quote them with the words “My kill” below the quote. This kill counts toward your advancement in levels and does not count as an attack or a bump post (although you must still remember to abide rule #d20). If multiple people try to take the kill, only the quickest reply is the one to gain the benefit from this. When you get a kill from a non-player poster, you must wait 1 hour before you can claim any more kills from non-player posters.
DEATH RULE:
If your RPs (Resolve points) are reduced to 0 or less, you have been argued to death. You must wait for 10 attack posts before you respawn and become alive again. These attack posts can be by any faction including your own. While you are dead, you cannot be attacked. You are not considered alive again until 10 attack posts have passed AND you post “I'm alive.” Also, anyone that attacks you while you are dead wastes their attack action (See Frequency of Attacks Rule). You can also respawn and post “I'm Alive” 4 hours after the post that killed you, regardless of how many attacks have been posted. When you “respawn” you return to life at full RPs and you may attack right away. If you like, you may make a new character after you have died, but you must start at level 1 and you must still wait 10 attack posts (see above) before the new character can join the game.
FAIR PLAY RULE!:
This game is mostly for giggles and isn't meant to be taken seriously. However, in the spirit of fair gaming and fun, I ask that you do not cheat on your random number rolls. Also, I ask that you do not worry too much about the last post made in the tread even if the random number there is likely to cause you to miss on an attack. Please do not change the random number by editing your post (to cause an enemy to miss for example). Further:
1 character per person please
Keep your character within the rules
No performance enhancing drugs
Simply put this rule means NO CHEATING.
IN ORDER TO GIVE EVERYONE TIME TO DIGEST THE RULES AND MAKE THEIR CHARACTERS THE GAME DOES NOT START UNTIL SUNDAY AT 12:00 NOON MST (my time zone). But you may post your characters before then if you wish. I will make a "GAME ON" post sunday at 12:00 MST if you don't want to convert time from your time zone...
GAME STARTS ON SUNDAY @ NOON
- it was more a writing experiment and something to amuse myself more than anything I want to see fly. I saw the edition wars before and they made me laugh. My hope is that this makes others laugh...even if they don't play it.Also, I figured there is many editions of DnD...there should be many editions of edition wars. (wink wink)
NEW PLAYER
Prehistoric Edition, Arbitrator (Arbiter?), Player #1, Lvl 1
Loud:-1
Intens: 0
Stub: 0
Log: 3
San: 2
Cunn: 4
Def: 17
Ign: 9
Avo: 17
Zeal: 14
Benefits: E
RP: 20/20 Kills: 0
Edit: And let me kick things off by saying this whole thing is pointless, all the rest of the editions were created to make people buy new books after the success of Prehistoric Edition. Being newer didn't inherently make any edition more fun and the production value has become lax to streamline the process. The new starter sets don't even come in boxes.
Oh poor Lloyd, oh how you were messed up.
Didn't I run this thing? Twice. Before it died.
Oh poor Lloyd, oh how you were messed up.
17
My Kill!
RP: 20 Kills: 1
17
My Kill!
RP: 20 Kills: 1
Game hasn't started yet mate.