I told the D.M. that I wanted to play a Kobold for this weekend ‘Fringe’ game that she was running during a Renaissance Festival. She looked at me as if I was crazy and told me to wait and see what the other player were bringing into the party before she decided. That seemed fair enough. The other players arrive.
One guy says he is playing a 6’3” Fop of a Dandy Thief with the large plumed hat . (Insert five names here) of (insert five places here.)
The other one is playing a Gnome Thief. The D.M. asks if it’s a ‘Tall Fellow’. “Nope.” The player says. “It’s one of those really short ones with big hairy toes that can’t wear shoes!” (Oh yeah, to top it off this characters name was something similar to ‘Toe Jam’ or ‘Foot Fungus’ except with out any vowels so needless to say none of the other players could pronounce his name!)
Then came the Dwarf in full plate mail with a big axe. “So, you are the fighter of the group, right?” The D.M. asked. The player grins; “Nope, I’m a thief too!” At this point the D.M. is looking a little bit worried. “You are wearing full plate and have a large axe, that is going to be terrible for your Armor Class.” The player laughs; “Well, yes but it was my great-great-great-great-grandfathers armor, and the axe was my great-great-great-grandfathers axe, so as a Dwarf, you see, I am honor bound to use these items.” D.M. nods and smiles; “I see.”
The D.M. turns to the last player beside me. “What did you bring?” He grins; “A Halfling Thief.” The D.M. looks puzzled at this point. “Well,” She says. “At least that’s normal. After a moment the player frowns a little… “Did I forget to mention the multi-colored mohawk and facial piercing’s?” The D.M. throws back her head and laughs! “Much better.”
She turns to me… “Play your Kobold, thief.”
To explain the Kobold he had to have a background which the D.M. joyfully provided for me. I was kicked out of my Kobold community for having overly-large ‘naughty-parts’. The Chieftain was angry because mine were bigger so he kicked my poor Kobold out of the Kobold community. (The Chieftain didn’t want to kill me lest the lady Kobolds peeked and found out the real reason for the Chieftain’s inadequate anger towards me…) So, then leaving my village I came across the Fop who was drunk and resting along side of the road. I convinced the drunken Fop to enslave me at a cost to him for thirty GP a day. The drunk Fop signed the contract. Woke up the next morning and screamed, but I had a contract.
We met up with the rest of the thieves in where else but…(Drum Roll, Please.) a Tavern. The barmaid was a human woman who turned down the rest of the party in the giving up of her ‘favors’ for the Kobold. It was of course for the same reason that he was kicked out of the Kobold community. The D.M. laughed hysterically at the dice roll that provided this answer, and said that she was not going to game there! We all laughed as the Kobold ran off to the stables with the barmaid to get lucky.
We decided that the next night we would all go steal the crown jewels.
The following night we set off through the town on the way to the sewer system, which we would of course use to invade the castle.
That was when we hit our first obstacle… a four foot fence! The Fop with the large plumed hat of course stretched his long legs and deftly stepped over the fence. The rest of us were stuck. The area was crowded so much to are jumping up and down trying to peek over the fence and our calls to the Fop, he did not notice us missing tell he got no answer to a question that he posed.
The Fop came back for us and asked; “What are you all waiting for?”
The Halfling glowered. The Gnome stomped his hairy shoeless feet. The Kobold kept looking from the fence and then back to the Fop. Finally the Dwarf spoke; “We need over the fence!”
The Fop looked around. “Oh, well, why didn’t you guys just say so?” So the Fop with the large plumed hat, ‘gracefully’ and ‘with much balancing’ of his ‘dignified skills’ lifts the rest of his party over the four foot fence. (D.M. slides the Fop a note when he is done lifting us all over the fence.) “A have a question to all of you.” The Fop says to us. “Why didn’t you just walk around the fence? The fence ends only ten feet away.”
The Gnome and the Kobold go to investigate this dilemma of the fence ending. The Gnome walks around to the point where we all stood calling to the Fop. The Kobold not trusting the fence walks back the way he just came from to the rest of the party. The Gnome got stuck again So the Fop with the large plumed hat, had to ‘gracefully’ and ‘with much balancing’ of his ‘dignified skills’ lift the Gnome over the four foot fence again.
Without to much more ado we got to the sewers. The Fop begins to wade in. The rest of us stop trying to calculate how well we can swim, and worst yet, how long we can possibly hold our breath lest we drown in the sewers and die a horrifying death of gagging on humanoid excrement.
The Fop trudges on. We call to him. This time he hears us. “Well,” says the Fop “Come along.”
We all wait patiently.
“Oh, no!” cries the Fop with the large plumed hat. “You can not possible expect me to carry all of you!”
We nod.
The Fop trudges back. He tells the Dwarf to get on piggy-back style. The large plumed hat almost falls into the sewers but the Halfling manages to save the hat and hands it back to the Fop. The Fop scoops the rest of us up as if we were a large bundle of laundry and proceeds to trudge through the sewers again. The hat starts to fall again. The Gnome hands it to the Dwarf who puts it on his own head on top of his helm.
We make it into the bottom of the castle. We fight through the guards. The swashbuckling Fop pulling out his two rapiers gracefully fighting off the guards. The Dwarf is catapulting himself off of the walls in these amazing head dives toward the guards. The Kobold is rolling on the ground in a flurry of tumbles herding a guard toward the Gnome and the Halfling who ‘standing’ in wait behind some crates waiting to flank the guard.
Yes! We were amazing we did it! We were the worst nightmare a D.M. would ever want. Luckily the D.M. had a great sense of humor! She also rewarded us with more treasure then any third level first-time played characters should ever have, but as it was a fun-for-all one-time-only ‘Fringe’ game, the enormous treasure did not really matter!
So what was your funniest game ever?
So what class was the Kobold?
He was Thief too.
What size were the gnome's feet?
Yikes! I remember that they were too huge for shoes, and very hairy. The Gnome would trip over his feet sometimes making that game even funnier. I think that his feet even got stuck in something once but I can't remember what it was... It was awhile ago, we were still using first edition books back then... running on THAC0 rules... real old school stuff.
And yes I am asking a bunch of random questions but mainly to keep this thread near the top because I think that the story is funny.
The cook and chef were constantly in competition and only cooked for the PCs. The crew ate gruel. I can't possibly justfy the hilarity with these words, but about 4 hours of that session was the DM role-playing (by himself) while we were in stitches. A few weeks later we tried as best we could to give them as little time as possible. It was hard for their prospective employers to ignore them.
We were boarding a ship and the halfling hired an elegant elven chef to prepare his meals for him. Salads, fruit, pastries. It was odd because the ship already had a cook. Then the half-orc brothers, who though the elf was silly and foppish, looked around and found his arch-rival - a fat human diner-style line cook - and hired him to make sloppy joes and stew. The captain tried to stop it but couldn't because it was our ship we had salvaged from pirates.
The cook and chef were constantly in competition and only cooked for the PCs. The crew ate gruel. I can't possibly justfy the hilarity with these words, but about 4 hours of that session was the DM role-playing (by himself) while we were in stitches. A few weeks later we tried as best we could to give them as little time as possible. It was hard for their prospective employers to ignore them.
It sounds hilarious! I love it when a D.M. gets stuck arguing of fighting himself. I even laugh when it happens to me, it can be so frustrating! Once we 'watched' a tremendously intense battle that a D.M. got stuck in. We the crowd of P.C.'s were speechless at the intense description of the battle. The funny happened at the very end of the battle, up until that point the D.M. was really careful about his phrasing so we knew exactly which N.P.C. was doing what. At the end of the battle though the D.M. said:"And he stabs him with one final fatal blow through his heart." We all sat in silence for a moment then we all screamed simultaneously at once: "Who? Who stabbed who? Who is dead?" It took us all ten minutes to stop laughing (D.M. included) before the D.M. could finally tell us who gave the final blow, and who received it.
How bad did the sewers smell?
And yes I am asking a bunch of random questions but mainly to keep this thread near the top because I think that the story is funny.
LOL, I was beginning to wonder if you had been in that particular game. I couldn't remember two of the players, because they weren't in any of my normal gaming groups.
Actually the sewers smelled so bad that the Halfling actually passed out from the fumes and had to be revived!
Drow outpost on the surface decides to get in touch with it's elven roots. They adopt a nearby tree and vow to defend it with their lives. Then came autumn, which scared the hell out of them. When the first snows began to fall, they mobilized to keep the snow off the tree, swinging wildly at the snowflakes until others could pull a cover over the tree. They nearly burned it down building a small fire beneath the cover to keep it warm, and they nearly suffocated as well. The tree went dormant for the winter and a great mourning exploded in the camp. Many males were punished for failing to protect the tree, and the surface elves observing the outpost laughed until they wet their armor.
The Battle of the Great White Death, from my "F-Troop" campaign.
Drow outpost on the surface decides to get in touch with it's elven roots. They adopt a nearby tree and vow to defend it with their lives. Then came autumn, which scared the hell out of them. When the first snows began to fall, they mobilized to keep the snow off the tree, swinging wildly at the snowflakes until others could pull a cover over the tree. They nearly burned it down building a small fire beneath the cover to keep it warm, and they nearly suffocated as well. The tree went dormant for the winter and a great mourning exploded in the camp. Many males were punished for failing to protect the tree, and the surface elves observing the outpost laughed until they wet their armor.
That's great! I just keep having these images in my head of the Drow fighting off snow flakes!
Well, let's start:
PC1: Fox hengeyokai. Character was based off of Disney's "Robin Hood". Literally. He was sucked out of the cartoon and into the world of D&D, where he lived for a number of years before the start of the game.
PC2: Rabbit hengeyokai. He has some Monk levels and a prestige class.
Other PCs: There were three other PCs that came and went during this adventure. However, none of them were present during the story.
NPC1: Human Paladin, named Fain. Fain is part of the Brotherhood (usually refered to as "The Dark Brothers", because they wear all black clothing with a small, white human figure on the breast). The Dark Brothers were a religion that believed (erroneously) that there were only two gods, a good god which they worshiped, and an evil god which they faught against.
The Dark Brothers: The Dark Brothers followed a strange practice: They would go out into the world, find newly killed adventurers, resurrect them and then tell them that they must serve the Dark Brothers for two years to "pay back the God of Light".
Campaign Idea: The PCs have all recently died and have been resurrected by The Dark Brothers. They are given over to Fain, a Dark Brother Paladin, who holds a magic talismen that will kill the PCs if Fain dies, or if Fain removed the talismen from his person. (The Dark Brothers didn't normally go to this extreme, but the PCs tried to escape "their duty" several times, so the extreme measure was deemed necessary). Fain takes the PC on a Quest.
So, the PCs go on a quest with Fain, and on the quest they meet, and help, a Dromite who then agrees to take the PCs and Fain to meet the King and Queen of the Dromites. On the way there, the group stops at a Dromite "safe house", which is a small cave hidden by psionics (Dromites are a psionic race).
In the cave, PC2 changes into his rabbit form and lies down to sleep on his backpack. PC1, being a fox hengeyokai, always gets an impulse to turn into a fox and chase PC2 whenever PC2 turns into a rabbit.
So Fox turns into a fox and starts chasing Rabbit around the small cave. (Rabbit's first impulse when this happens is always to run away, as opposed to just turning back into 'human' form). Rabbit runs directly at Fain, jumps into the air (making a good jump check), hits Fain square in the chest (by making a good attack roll), and jumps off of Fains chest (by making another really good jump check).
Fox, who is following directly on the tail of Rabbit, also jumps directly at Fain (he also makes a good jump check), but instead of hitting Fain in the chest and jumping off of him like Rabbit did, slams into Fain's face (because he made a borderline attack roll and then flubbed his jump check). Fain falls painfully on his back and Fox immediately changes back to 'human' form....which means he is now sitting on Fain's face.
Fain goes ballistic, and after yelling at the PCs, goes to sit in the corner of the cave with his back to the other people there. The Dromite, who the PCs all refer to, affectionally, as "Bug Man" sits through the entire encounter with his head cocked to one side, as if he's trying to figure out a complex math problem or something.
About a half hour (game time) after this all goes down, Rabbit realizes that the Dromite Save House has an antimagic field in it. He didn't realize sooner because he changed into rabbit form right before he went into the cave and because the Anitmagic field was made with psionics (we used the "psionics are different than magic" rule). As soon as he realizes though, he decides to kill Fain to regain his freedom. So Rabbit walks up behind Fain (who's still sitting in the corner) and goes to punch him in the back of the head. Fox realizes what's about to happen and tries to stop Rabbit by tackling him away from Fain. Cue Initiative.
-Rabbit gets the highest initiative
-Fox goes next
-Dromite just sits there
-Fain actually gets the highest initiative, but fails his listen check, meaning we have a surprise round.
-Rabbit hits Fain, getting a critical and doing some impressive damage
-Fox tries to tackle Rabbit, but instead just pushes him 5 feet
-Fain jumps to his feet, whips around, sees Fox standing behind him and swings his sword....rolling two 20s in a row and insta-killing Fox (well, dropping him to 0, which is the rule we used in this situation).
-Fain realizes what he's done (killed an innocent, which could mean he'd lose his paladinhood) and drops to his knees to revive Fox.
-This gives Rabbit the opportunity he needs and he proceeds to sneak up behind Fain and kill him.
-Bug Man just sits there the whole time, and then, at the end, says "I didn't like that Dark Bother anyway".
If you like funny gaming stories then you should read this thread.
Thanks! That actually helps me with my problem about playing women! Now I can read how they are played by other people!
Funniest Game eh? (this is kinda longish)
Well, let's start:
...In the cave, PC2 changes into his rabbit form and lies down to sleep on his backpack. PC1, being a fox hengeyokai, always gets an impulse to turn into a fox and chase PC2 whenever PC2 turns into a rabbit.
So Fox turns into a fox and starts chasing Rabbit around the small cave. (Rabbit's first impulse when this happens is always to run away, as opposed to just turning back into 'human' form). Rabbit runs directly at Fain, jumps into the air (making a good jump check), hits Fain square in the chest (by making a good attack roll), and jumps off of Fains chest (by making another really good jump check).
Fox, who is following directly on the tail of Rabbit, also jumps directly at Fain (he also makes a good jump check), but instead of hitting Fain in the chest and jumping off of him like Rabbit did, slams into Fain's face (because he made a borderline attack roll and then flubbed his jump check). Fain falls painfully on his back and Fox immediately changes back to 'human' form....which means he is now sitting on Fain's face...
...About a half hour (game time) after this all goes down, Rabbit realizes that the Dromite Save House has an antimagic field in it. He didn't realize sooner because he changed into rabbit form right before he went into the cave and because the Anitmagic field was made with psionics (we used the "psionics are different than magic" rule). As soon as he realizes though, he decides to kill Fain to regain his freedom. So Rabbit walks up behind Fain (who's still sitting in the corner) and goes to punch him in the back of the head. Fox realizes what's about to happen and tries to stop Rabbit by tackling him away from Fain. Cue Initiative...
-Rabbit hits Fain, getting a critical and doing some impressive damage
-Fox tries to tackle Rabbit, but instead just pushes him 5 feet
-Fain jumps to his feet, whips around, sees Fox standing behind him and swings his sword....rolling two 20s in a row and insta-killing Fox (well, dropping him to 0, which is the rule we used in this situation).
-Fain realizes what he's done (killed an innocent, which could mean he'd lose his paladinhood) and drops to his knees to revive Fox.
-This gives Rabbit the opportunity he needs and he proceeds to sneak up behind Fain and kill him.
-Bug Man just sits there the whole time, and then, at the end, says "I didn't like that Dark Bother anyway".
That was great! "I didn't like that Dark Bother anyway"Misfits in Action
This is an on-going, but rare campaign in our group. In fact, it's the official "Break in the New DM" campaign. Basically, Misfits in Action is an organization devoted to defending the rights of all adventures, regardless of how off-the-wall, inept, or completely illogical. (i.e.: my reoccurring character is a Dwarven Fighter. Doesn't seem very misfit? Well, he's the founder of D.A.D.D.: Dwarves Against Drunk Driving!)
The stories here are almost too numerous to mention: Al-Quieda Abominable Snow Men, Bad's Clues (a disturbing spin on Blue's Clues), and the "Pimp my Wizard's Staff" competition are all fond memories.
We've also battled the GREAT PLUSH CTHULU on a few occasions.
Still, there is a M.I.A. campaign that is referred to as "The Game That Shall Not Be Mentioned."
The characters were invading a thinly-veiled Disney World (the name we used escapes me at the moment), so that we could take out an evil Red Dragon that worked in maintenance. The Gnome Barbarian (3.5 campaign... but he probably still qualified as a monster), managed to score a critical hit after making a called shot to a particular "region that shall not be mentioned," which started bleeding profusely.
At which point, the "Blonde Bombshell," insanely high Charisma but no other Mental Stats to speak of, decides that she might be able to kill the dragon by succeeding at a Seduction check (which, naturally, she crits). So... the dragon bleeds to death in the most horrible way humanly possible.
And the game became known as "The Game That Shall Not Be Mentioned."
The Greek Campaign
This was actually a "serious" campaign. I say "serious," because this is my gaming group, and that is a VERY relative term...
For the last battle of the campaign, (I was DMing), I came up w/ the following concept... because of our very large gaming group, and the fact that I was purposefully allowing them to gather more treasure than normal...
...the group would fight a "basically endless stream of Titans."
I decided that there would be 25 Titans assaulting Mount Olympus, and the group just had to see how long they could hold the Titans off. On the first round, Three Titans would approach, and then 2 more Titans would appear each round. If the group could last 10 rounds, then the assault on Mount Olympus would fail (regardless of how many Titans pressed through).
I just wanted to see how many Titans they could kill in a strait up brawl!
As a brief House Rule note, I was using some homebrew Astrological Sign rules. At the start of each game, you made a strait d20 roll (completely unmodified). If you rolled a 20, the stars were in your favor, and you gained a Lucky Reroll, usable once during the session. If you rolled a 1, the stars were against you, and you gained an "unlucky reroll," which was basically gave me the power to point at the character and say "Reroll That!" once during the session.
Round 1
PC #1: Catfolk Rogue w/ Pounce & Rend abilities from Magic Items...
Charge... Full Attack... Crit. Crit. Crit. Crit. Rend. Sneak Attack applies to each attack due to the fact that the Titan is Flat-Footed. Deals 150 damage ABOVE the Titan's HP.
Basically, charges up, and rips through the Titan's chest, exploding out the back holding the Titan's heart. Dramatically takes a bite out of the Titan's heart (while it's friends watch in horror), before disappearing (due to the effect of another magic item).
PC#2: Human Technomage (wizard) w/ "Flying Saucer" and obscene Ballista Device
Load Meteor Swarm into Ballista. Fire. Crit. Deals 23 damage above the Titan's HP, leaving the Titan's as nothing more than a smoldering pile of dust.
(Please note, I have personally witnessed each and every roll, they are all legitimate crits...)
PC#3: Dwarven Ranger w/ anti-Titan build (no, really, ANTI-Titan build), the Improved Crit feat, and who also (due to a bad roll) has an "Unlucky Reroll" hanging over his head...
Charge. Initiate Full Attack. First Attack... 19!!! (crit threat)
In anger, I point at him and shout, "REROLL THAT!!!"
Rerolls...
20!!!!
*DM suffers psychic backlash and can't see strait*
It took me almost three minutes to regain my composure, reestablish the roll order, and confirm that, yes... he also managed to drop a Titan in one attack.
Rest of PC's...
"Ah man, the other Titan's aren't here yet! CHARGE!!!"
Never, in all my days, have I seen a boss be so badly trounced, as the group of 25 TITANS!!! The dice gods favored my PC's that night, and all told, we counted just shy of 50 successful critical hits in that fight.
Needless to say, none of the titans got through... and the fight only last 6 rounds.
In a one-shot application of D&D rules to a WW2 RPG we made up on the fly, the crew of a B-17 was trying to regroup after getting blasted out of the sky by a flak hit. Five survivors were going to try to hook up with the French Resistance. The Radio Operator had taken a few hits, but had survived the bail out. He hit the ground hard, which didn't help his situation any. One of the guys found him laying in a pool of his own blood but still alive. He made a Heal check to stabilize him and heard the others nearby. He rushed to get help. The player was caught up in the excitement of the moment, I guess, because his tongue slipped. Rushing up to the Captain, he reported the Radio Man alive but wounded. The Captain asked him how badly he was hurt. The answer, "He's alive, but breeding profusely." To which the co-pilot grumbled about some guys having all the luck.
Ramsey the Radio Man got quite the reputation after that!