So I opened the door and step out to look and see if there was anyone in the hallway, and there was. Two guys maybe in their early twenties (one of them could have been younger) dressed in black pants and short sleve white button up shirts. The Mormons had come back. Last time that I had a pair of Mormons show up at my door, I was in a hurry, and I hadn't gotten completely dressed. I was also not in the mood to debate religion. This time, however, I was dressed, not in a hurry, and in need of some entertainment. So I let these two guys in.
They asked if they could come in, and like the last pair that had shown up I told them I had cats that didn't like strangers much. They, like the previous pair, laughed and said it didn't matter. I, wanting to have some fun, said sure, come on in. That was a mistake on both our parts that could have turned out terribly for those two guys.
So I invite these two guys in. I tell them to sit and ask if they wanted something to drink. I had beer, and freshly made coffee. For some reason they declined both.
They said water would be fine, but I told them that I had no bottled water and the filter on the tap neded to be fixed.
So I grab a beer (a Left Hand Milk Stout) and sat down to have what I was hoping would turn out to be an entertaining time.
I have several of those cat tree and cat condo things around my place for my cats. One of them is next to the couch these two guys sat on. I have three cats: one female and two males. The two male cats are large. They are n't fat, but they are big cats. One of them, the grey, looks like some kind of mix with a British short hair. He is stocky and feels as if he is just muscle. We named him Mao, after Chairman Mao because this cat is a tyrant.
The other one is black and white and slender, but very big as well. He looks to be an American short hair mixed with something else. He kind of looks like a tiger.
The female belonged to my mom, but when she moved, she wasn't able to take her, so I took her in. She is the queen of the house because as soon as she came in, she took over everything.
So the female cat was on the cat tree by the couch, and one of these guys, the other guy refered to him as brother Ezikiel, kept on looking at her. The other two cats were hanging out in one of the other rooms. So the female cat jumps down and walks right by brother Ezikiel. I don't know why he felt the need to, but he pushes her away with his foot. She meows, and I tell him "Don't do try to kick m cat again or we're going to have problems." He says sorry, but by this point it was too late. The ditator and the tiger had heard the distres call.
From out of the hall way come Mao and he looks straight at the two Mormon kids. The other male cat flies out of I don't know where to land on the bar I have that seperates the kitchen and living room areas in my apartment. He's a very springy cat. Both these Mormon guys look at the cats, and the cats just stare at them.
Both cats looked like they were ready to pounce. I told the two guys that they better go, and by the look on their faces, I think they thought of that before I mentioned it. So they get up and both cats start growling and hissing at them. I tell them "move towards the door slowly and get out." Brother Ezikiel asked me if I could grab them so they could go. I said, "Hell no. I'm not getting attacked by those two." The look on their faces was priceless.
The cats followed them all the way to the door.
Fortunately, the two made it to the door without getting ravaged by my cats. Unfortunately, I didn't get to entertain myself by debating with them. Still, it was fun to watch my two cats scare the hell out of them.
But I think a "debating with them story" would have been more funny.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to entertain myself by debating with them.
But fortunately you didn't have to try to wash bloodstains out of the carpet...
My cat, Tommy, that I had when I was younger, was like that... He was a
huge beast, more like a miniature bear than a cat, and he used to fight with the neighborhood dogs. He mauled a great dane once after it chased him up a tree. If Tommy didn't like you he'd walk up and start shredding your clothing until you left. that was pretty great.I remember having a black cat that would stand on my shoulder almost like a parrot, after awhile I got used to it (just part of everyday life) I get a knock on the door and its the Witness's. They look at me with a look of fear mixed with confusion and it took me a minute to realize it was the black cat on my shoulder staring at them. I thought lets have some fun, and let them go through their speech about why I should go to thier church yadda yadda. Upon the end of their sales pitch I say to them.
"I have to ask my god if its okay to pratice another religion"
(my black cat "Kano" would meow back at you if you ended a sentence in an upword inflection, I trained him to do this from a kitten)
so I turn my head towards the cat and ask "My lord may I go with them?"
the cat lets out a long heavy meow (couldn't of been more perfect) the duo on my porch are half way down the stairs not turning their backs on me or the cat and looked terrified. They stuttered something and then hurried off my property.
The fact this was in the late 90's and I looked like I just left a pearl jam concert with my hair half way down my back probably helped complete the visuals.
I miss that cat.
But fortunately you didn't have to try to wash bloodstains out of the carpet...
I living room is tiled. Still, I'd have to mop up the floor and the couch would have been ruined, so I get your point. Then thre is all that lifting of dead bodies. And to make it worse, I couldn't just burry them without being sure that they had been baptized so I would have to baptize them as Catholics before I felt okay ith burrying them.
My cat, Tommy, that I had when I was younger, was like that... He was a
Yeah, both my male cats are huge. The Mao, the dictator, sounds like a lion when he growls. Last time I took him to the vt to get his shots his growled at the vet and both the vet and his tech got scared the cat was going to mawl them.
But hey, you can't say I didn't warn the two Mormon guys about my cats. I told them from the start that my cats didn't like strangers. Maybe next time I get a group of Mormons showing up at my door, I'll start off by telling them my cats don't like strangers and hate Mormons in particular.
I remember having a black cat that would stand on my shoulder almost like a parrot, after awhile I got used to it (just part of everyday life) I get a knock on the door and its the Witness's. They look at me with a look of fear mixed with confusion and it took me a minute to realize it was the black cat on my shoulder staring at them. I thought lets have some fun, and let them go through their speech about why I should go to thier church yadda yadda. Upon the end of their sales pitch I say to them.
"I have to ask my god if its okay to pratice another religion"
(my black cat "Kano" would meow back at you if you ended a sentence in an upword inflection, I trained him to do this from a kitten)
so I turn my head towards the cat and ask "My lord may I go with them?"
the cat lets out a long heavy meow (couldn't of been more perfect) the duo on my porch are half way down the stairs not turning their backs on me or the cat and looked terrified. They stuttered something and then hurried off my property.
The fact this was in the late 90's and I looked like I just left a pearl jam concert with my hair half way down my back probably helped complete the visuals.
I miss that cat.
Nice.
Man, you people all have badass felines. The only one of mine that isn't boring is just bulimic with what appears to be anxiety issues and a fear of almost anything that moves.
My wifes last cat was like that without the bulimic issues. I thought it was going to die of a heart attack it was so scared of everything. It took like a solid month of us living together for the cat to realize I wasn't going to eat it or something, it would run in terror every time I moved.
Heh - if you've ever seen The Last Unicorn, that cat always reminded me of my mine... Tommy was completely brown with a white chest instead of black and white, but he wouldn't have looked out of place wearing an earring and eyepatch. He was easily the size of a large adult raccoon and weighed more than some of the local dogs.
After a number of years of hellraising and rabblerousing, we finally found Tommy paws-up on the back deck one morning, poisoned. Not coincidentally, this was shortly after we discovered that our mutt (who may well not have even been 100% cat, lol, nevemind all one breed) had knocked up a purebred papered Siamese...
Heh - if you've ever seen The Last Unicorn, that cat always reminded me of my mine... Tommy was completely brown with a white chest instead of black and white, but he wouldn't have looked out of place wearing an earring and eyepatch. He was easily the size of a large adult raccoon and weighed more than some of the local dogs.
After a number of years of hellraising and rabblerousing, we finally found Tommy paws-up on the back deck one morning, poisoned. Not coincidentally, this was shortly after we discovered that our mutt (who may well not have even been 100% cat, lol, nevemind all one breed) had knocked up a purebred papered Siamese...
I would have set the house of the owners of the siamese on fire.
Heh - if you've ever seen The Last Unicorn, that cat always reminded me of my mine... Tommy was completely brown with a white chest instead of black and white, but he wouldn't have looked out of place wearing an earring and eyepatch. He was easily the size of a large adult raccoon and weighed more than some of the local dogs.
After a number of years of hellraising and rabblerousing, we finally found Tommy paws-up on the back deck one morning, poisoned. Not coincidentally, this was shortly after we discovered that our mutt (who may well not have even been 100% cat, lol, nevemind all one breed) had knocked up a purebred papered Siamese...
I would have set the house of the owners of the siamese on fire.
Screw that. Set the owners on fire.
Heh - if you've ever seen The Last Unicorn, that cat always reminded me of my mine... Tommy was completely brown with a white chest instead of black and white, but he wouldn't have looked out of place wearing an earring and eyepatch. He was easily the size of a large adult raccoon and weighed more than some of the local dogs.
After a number of years of hellraising and rabblerousing, we finally found Tommy paws-up on the back deck one morning, poisoned. Not coincidentally, this was shortly after we discovered that our mutt (who may well not have even been 100% cat, lol, nevemind all one breed) had knocked up a purebred papered Siamese...
I would have set the house of the owners of the siamese on fire.
Screw that. Set the owners on fire.
They would eventually catch fire as I would have done it while they were sleeping.
Pffft... Nah, that damn cat had it coming, lol. We always knew he was going to come to a bad end.