Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 Idolis Jun 04, 2009 15:20:51	Earlier this week my group asked if I could play tonight and I said sure. However, due to my wife's and my wedding and a problem with the cake that has to be taken care of tonight, my wife and I will be unable to attend. My question is this: Is it rude of me to ask that the game be rescheduled or since there are only five of us is that a common request?
#2 archyneir Jun 04, 2009 15:22:49	Personal life comes before personal play time after all. Unless yer gaming with a bunch of ninnies, there shouldn't be a problem explaining the situation and rescheduling. Happens all the time mate, the roll o' the dice as the saying goes.
#3 Idolis Jun 04, 2009 15:34:04	Thanks Archyneir. I just wasn't sure. My group isn't a group of hard asses but we usually only play once a month or so because of schedules. I really don't think it is that big of a problem but then again, I'm the only one in the group who normally has a lot free time. I'm usually the guy that just says "Yeah, I can be there." and everyone knows that I will. This situation is out of the norm because I'm the one people can count on for a game anytime or any place and so they only have to schedule around the other people in the group. I hope they can play without us if that is necessary but because both my wife and I can't attend that means there will only be the DM and possibly two other players (a rather severely gimped group). I was just unsure of what the proper ettiquette in this situation would be.
#4 dirtyfrank Jun 04, 2009 15:52:35	Proper etiquette is usually to let the group know that you can't make it ahead of time. It might also be a good idea to let them know a few of the reason. If a reschedule will work then go for it. If it ain't possible then you'll need to miss out. The best thing though is to just let them know and all. It's the responsible thing to do.
#5 zombie_babies Jun 04, 2009 15:54:19	And be sure to wear a condom. It's also the responsible thing to do.
#6 cherubaddon Jun 04, 2009 15:59:47	And be sure to wear a condom. It's also the responsible thing to do. Was this referring to his wife or to his gaming group?
#7 EscherEnigma Jun 04, 2009 16:01:16	... while strictly speaking wearing a condom while gaming is better then the alternative, if you actually need it, something has gone horribly wrong.
#8 zombie_babies Jun 04, 2009 16:03:21	Was this referring to his wife or to his gaming group? What? I'm talking about every single time you make any sort of contact with another human being - or whenever you're anywhere near one. Can't be too careful. Does make peein' at work a bit more complicated than I'd like, but when I consider the alternative the added inconvenience doesn't seem all that bad.
#9 toastedamphibian Jun 04, 2009 16:06:48	http://xkcd.com/463/ Might as well link it.
#10 zombie_babies Jun 04, 2009 16:09:28	All of these posts expressing shock at my suggestion merely prove my point. With all of you unbagged heathens runnin' 'round, nobody is safe. 'Cept me.
#11 cherubaddon Jun 04, 2009 16:10:59	All of these posts expressing shock at my suggestion merely prove my point. With all of you unbagged heathens runnin' 'round, nobody is safe. 'Cept me. Well, and me, 'cause I'm a loner and all who only approaches people online. Sad, but safe.
#12 zombie_babies Jun 04, 2009 16:12:49	Well, and me, 'cause I'm a loner and all who only approaches people online. Sad, but safe. Nope. Unless you're wrapped, you're at risk. 'Specially if you're a net user. Do you have any idea how many viruses are transmitted to "safe" online users each day? You, sir, are exactly the type my mother warned me about.
#13 s-marrow Jun 04, 2009 16:13:32	Amateur. You need to be hermetically sealed in a constantly self cleaning plastic cube with purified ventilation before you even get started on talking about being safe from people.
#14 terronus Jun 04, 2009 16:22:28	I have a mixed viewpoint on cancellation. One of my best friends, with whom I've gamed with for nearly seven years, cancels on a regular basis for various reasons. While I understand this--and everyone has canceled once or twice-- it DOES become a headache. Yes real life comes first, but if you are part of a football team, you don't just wave away every Saturday game. So, is it okay to cancel? Sure. Is it okay to pretend you are part of the 'team' and only play when it suits you? No. Just man up and drop out if you have to. Real life does come first, but you can't have both (that is to say, real life and a group that crosses their fingers every week hoping you'll show). That part wasn't directly for the OP, but just me venting a bit about my personal experience with drop-outs. I mean, a wedding? Come on, any group should be understanding of that.
#15 archyneir Jun 04, 2009 17:24:51	You must game with a lot of ninnies, Terronus, too feel so passionately on this subject. My sympathies for you mate.
#16 terronus Jun 04, 2009 17:34:30	Well, I wouldn't say a *bunch* but I've known a few... perhaps 2-3 guys who gamed like that? (like I said one is a good friend!) It is just disruptive and aggravating when it happens on a regular basis.
#17 ciaran Jun 04, 2009 17:45:08	There are a few guys in my group who never missa Sunday, or with super-rare exception. There was the time one was in jail... I'll miss several throughout the year for family stuff or work. Our one female member is pregnant, so she gets a pass. :D As far as requesting the group to reschedule, that (to me) is asking way too much. I would never even bring it up. To continue or call it off should be the decision of those who can attend.
#18 terronus Jun 04, 2009 17:53:01	For guys that ever missa Sunday, or with super-rare exception. it is too much to even ask? I didn't really address this at first, but I'll reschedule games if it suites the groups (and have on a few occasions). My general rule is if: 1. It is a really important part of the adventure, I'll delay/reschedule (the latter is often harder) 2. If more players show than do not, the 'show must go on.' If one guy has to bail and I have three members left, I'll run the game.
#19 ciaran Jun 04, 2009 18:12:32	There are always exceptions. Perhaps due to in-game circumstances the group knows it and wouldn't go on without you anyway. And as for multiple missing players, as a rule of thumb, the DM will gently suggest if it would be a bad idea to continue.
#20 toastedamphibian Jun 04, 2009 18:20:09	There are always exceptions. Perhaps due to in-game circumstances the group knows it and wouldn't go on without you anyway. And as for multiple missing players, as a rule of thumb, the DM will gently suggest if it would be a bad idea to continue. And then they dont listen and keep going anyways. *le sigh* already killed one player in a game this week that way, now I have to kill 2 more in a diffrent game very soon.
#21 EscherEnigma Jun 04, 2009 18:42:41	And then they dont listen and keep going anyways. *le sigh* already killed one player in a game this week that way, now I have to kill 2 more in a diffrent game very soon. So you say this like killing players is a bad thing. I'm confused. I mean, if you were killing characters I'd be all in the "oh no!" expression, but the players? I don't see the problem.
#22 toastedamphibian Jun 04, 2009 18:45:46	Meh, whatever. That complaint has been done to death EE.
#23 EscherEnigma Jun 04, 2009 18:48:36	I stand by my statement. PCs can be resurrected, and if they insist on going forward at less then full capacity, then I see no problem with being without mercy. If the player's choices have no impact, that is, the GM changes scenarios so the PCs are never in any real danger, then what's the point of the dice? And if they're given a choice of high risk high reward (going forward without all of the party) and they chose it, they should succeed or fail on their own merit, and not the GM changing things to suit their bull-headed maneuvers.
#24 toastedamphibian Jun 04, 2009 18:51:20	Oh, absolutly, which is why I let them, and then killed them. Dosn't mean I get much joy out of it.
#25 canuk Jun 05, 2009 1:41:10	It's okay to re-schedule for real life but don't be like my DM and his brother. normally we will get 1 game in every 5 weeks. The hard part is the fact that his brother and occasionally him say we can have a game like 2 or 3 days in advance only to get our hopes down. Don't be a hope crusher. But other then that re-schedueling is fine
#26 Idolis Jun 05, 2009 13:10:36	Thanks everyone, I believe they went ahead and played the game which is fine. It was the beginning of a mod so all I missed was the whole, "So your in this town, where do want to go first to find the hook?" thing and possibly one combat scene. Not too bad. It was appreciated that I gave them the heads up and the DM assured me that he could get my wife's and my character up to speed in the next game fairly easily. Thanks everyone for your advice and I thought the slight derail was funny. It was a ton of laughs Zombie, thanks.
#27 stealthmarmot Jun 05, 2009 20:32:21	Careful. If you keep saying the wife and the wedding are causing it, your friends might end up chipping in and buying a large ball and chain with your wifes name on it and giving it to you as a birthday present.
#28 mock26 Jun 07, 2009 14:24:32	You can easily make up a missed session of D&D. It is not so easy to make up a missed wedding or a missed wedding cake! I always tell my players that taking care of personal problems comes before playing D&D. After all, D&D is just a game. And if your gaming friends cannot see that your wedding is far more important than playing D&D then you need to find better gaming friends who do know where to put their priorities. And asking them to not play is perfectly acceptable. And it is just as acceptable for them to play without you. It depends on the make up of the group and all that. If, however, you do not want the players to play D&D when you (or another player) are not around then I would suggest that you buy (or have the entire group chip in and buy) some board and/or card games that can be utilized when you do not have a full crew. My group has all unanimously agreed to play on when we are down one person (unless, of course, it is the DM!). But, if we are down two people we break out the other games, such as Settlers of Cataan, Bang!, Munchkin, Killer Bunnies, Ticket to Ride, or even the 3rd edition D&D Minis game. I have found that even if only 3 people can make it that it is better for the group to have those three people meet and watch some DVDs or go to the movies than to not meet at all. Take care and have a great day.... ciao, john. PS I do hope that you will have at least one d20 on your wedding cake! Or, at the very least, carry one in your tuxedo pocket! A friend of mine got married last year and the entire gaming group chipped in and got the "something blue" for the bride. It was a blue gemstone (lapis) d20 from Crystal Caste. While she did not play D&D she knew all of us and knew that gaming was a big part of his life and she thought it was a great gift for her. She even got a bit misty eyed when we presented to her.
#29 Idolis Jun 07, 2009 19:54:08	PS I do hope that you will have at least one d20 on your wedding cake! Or, at the very least, carry one in your tuxedo pocket! A friend of mine got married last year and the entire gaming group chipped in and got the "something blue" for the bride. It was a blue gemstone (lapis) d20 from Crystal Caste. While she did not play D&D she knew all of us and knew that gaming was a big part of his life and she thought it was a great gift for her. She even got a bit misty eyed when we presented to her. Very cool story. I haven't know these guys long enough for something like that. We've only gamed twice and have only known each other for a little under 3 months. Still, they got my wife into gaming and we found a d20 lying on the floor of the gaming room we reserved. It is now our lucky d20.
#30 stealthmarmot Jun 08, 2009 17:57:39	My dream is to find a woman who says this to me: "Where were you? YOU MISSED OUR WEDDING!" "I....was at a D&D game." "You were at a D&D game?" "Yes...." "AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?" "I know honey, I'm sorry."