I'm just coming up with these off the cuff, so I apologize for them in advance...
Waampire - Because it's so depressing to be eternally young and immune to everything.
Waawolf - Apparently shirts make you cry less.
Any suggestions?
How do you feel about the "H" in waah?
Waahmpire?
Waahwolf?
Waahmpire - Where **** is a virtue.
Waahwolf - Being a beast of primal nature obviously requires a cro magnon forehead and chin.
-It's not zoophilia if it can transform into a human.
-He is a vampire? I thought is teeth were like that because he is british.
-It's not zoophilia if it can transform into a human.How about "bestiality" instead of "zoophilia"?
Waahwolf - Alergic to shirts since 2005.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM
Only if Freud was right.
Penis envy?
I was going for more of the angle that Freud says what everyone is really looking for in a spouse is their parents.
The thing with Twilight is that it kills all the good jokes because the reality of those books/movies is so much worse any joke about them could be.
Hey now, doesn't that movie have ugly teenagers taking off their shirts while scowling at the camera through all their makeup? I've seen the magazines (not intentionally!).
Who can resist drooling over that?
Mmm. Yeah baby.
I might actually read the rest of them.
The wife is actually reading it so that she can intelligently bash it. So she'll start reading and I'll play DS or something. After a minute or two, she'll let out a sigh of annoyance, I'll ask "what's wrong this time?" and she'll go into some pretty annoying thing she just read.
So far her complaints have been about how useless the girl is (she apparently has problems walking), how perfect the guy is (rich, handsome, skilled), how lame the story is (duh), how there's somehow product placement ("my volvo can drive to Seatle on one tank of gas!"), the sexism ("Bella, why would you try to do anything when I'm around"), poor descriptions, writing style, etc... its actually pretty amusing.
I'm borrowing the books from a coworker. My wife asked yesterday "Can you ask for the next book? Would that be embarassing? But don't hurt her feeling by saying its bad... but don't make it sound like I like it. I don't want to seem like a teeny fan girl, but I also don't want to rain on what someone else likes."
Her reading Twilight has been pretty amusing. So at least there's that! =)
My ex tried to get me into those books after he'd read the first one. Considering the argument that he (and other people who tried to talk about how totally awesome that book was) was that they guy was absolutely perfect and amazing and nobody could not fall in love with him and I should read it because I would think the guy was absolutely perfect and fall in love with him too, the fact that people who read the second book argue about which guy is "better" seems... weird.
If they all think the first guy is perfect, how come so many of them hate him as soon as their eyes fall on another one?
He's since come to his senses, but maybe I should mention that he was my ex at the time--he was actually my boyfriend while trying to convince me to fall in love with a fictional character. Even if the book's fans didn't "promote" it in ways that make it sound like justification for book-burning, that's a weird thing for your current SO to do, no?
My fiancee is reading them. I made her read The Road but it failed to save her. Anyhoo, she told me about how Bella chose the emo dood and ends up knocked up with his sparkly spawn. Apparently this is unprecedented (and, you know, makes no sense). So she has the kid but dies while in labor or something and so he has to turn her into a emo douche (waahmpire) to save her. I guess he was gonna turn her anyway but before he did he wanted her to experience all the things a living girl can. Cuz, you know, these waahmpires can't do everything a normal human can and more ... er, wait a sec. Yeah, yeah they can. Oh well. At least she thinks it's stupid.
Waahmpire - Making me wish my lawn was more like Edward. So, you know, it would cut itself. And sparkle.
Waahwolf - Fanservice for those attracted to young men and furries. Classic.
"Twilight is like soccer. You watch two hours and nobody scores. Then millions of fans tell you that you just don't get it"
She ends up with the emo sex-hating daddy-figure vampire and has his demon-spawn baby after passing out during back-breaking sex before being turned into a vampire. This is not an exaggeration.
Then Edward delivers the baby by using his fangs to perform an emergency C-section.
Hard to tell whether I'm making that up or not, isn't it?
Poe's Law definitely applies to Twilight spoilers.
Ultimately what made me really hate them was learning more about who Stephanie Meyers and reconsidering what was in the book through a filter of her background and how that makes the situations in the book make so much more sense...
For example, forever-pure-love-imprinting on a newborn child. Jacob immediately falls in love with Bella's newborn half-vampire baby. It makes sense, if you're ... from Utah...
Waahwolf - We won't eat your baby. But we may **** it.
For example, forever-pure-love-imprinting on a newborn child. Jacob immediately falls in love with Bella's newborn half-vampire baby.
And this is portrayed as a good thing.