I am moving the discussion of my disability here from the Wild Shape thread in the rules forum.
Actually this will be more of a statement than a discussion, because I am relating my life experiences with AS.
For those who do not know about AS, it is described one way as high function autism. However, there is some debate on whether or not to make it its own separate category. AS has a hereditary factor and is not curable, but can be controlled. Some psychologists/psychiatrist believe that it is a childhood condition that can be outgrown. I personally met two of them when I was looking for one to help me treat my condition. One of them flat out refused to believe I had AS, while the other, after some observation during my counsiling sessions, grew to believe that I did have it.
I was diagnosed with AS not too long after my son was born, but before my father died, probably around 15 years ago. I'm also adopted, so I have no idea if my birth parents had AS or was carriers of the genes.
While growing up, I was always an oddball. Always telling puns. Mishearing or misunderstanding phrases. I now know that was my literalism acting up. I was never one to be a social atmosphere. I was always by myself when I was. I was not exactly antisocial, but neither was I social. During my high school prom I even ran away from a girl that asked me to dance.
Another item that led to my diagnosis was my insistance on wearing a sweatshirt at all times, even if it were 80 degrees plus out. (Side note: I grew up in Maine.) I was perfectly fine. My mother would always complain, because she completely believed that if she was hot, then I should be too but more so because I wore a sweatshirt. I remember one time my father blew up at me because of my mother's complaining. He literally tried to strip me of my sweatshirt. When I resisted (clamping my arms around my chest to make it more difficult) he swiped me across my face with a closed fist, giving me the worst bloody nose I ever had. I think he broke my nose then, but we never went to the doctor to confirm it. I remember there was only one thing going through my mind. Since he was fully dressed in a suit in order to go to a school board meeting (he was superintendent), I was thinking about blowing all the blood that was running down into my mouth onto his nice clean clothes. I never did it, but I sure thought it. He eventually did get my sweatshirt off and my mother tried to come to my rescue, but it was too late. After he went to the meeting and I got cleaned up (and my sweatshirt back on), my mother and I went to a neighbor's house to visit. When my father got back from his meeting and saw me, he never said a word. Another side benefit was now my mother complained a lot less about me wearing a sweatshirt. Now that I'm in West Virginia, I'm still wearing sweatshirts, even when it reaches 100 degrees.
The next item on the list is my inability to take classroom notes unless they were written on the board. I had to completely rely on my memory. That got me in trouble with one of my professors in college. He was giving me Cs and Ds on my tests. When I told him I could not take verbal notes, he told be to tape record his class and study that way. Well, I did tape record his class, but I never used the tape in my studies. He started to give me Bs after that.
I also have the ability to go off into my own little world, especially in stressful situations. In college, my future wife would sometimes ask me what I was thinking about and I would reply nothing. It drove her bonkers because she just couldn't believe that I could shut down my consciousness like that. Sometimes she had to call my name several times before I was aware that she was there.
It gets really bad if I am in a stressful situation. It takes a heck of a lot of concentration not to go into my little world. With that amount of concentration, my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) starts to act up. I'll leave it at that. It gets even worse if I am in a stressful situation with family members. I will very literally curl up in a ball and cry like a baby. My mind automatically shuts down any senses that is causing the stress. It shocked my father-in-law when it happened in front of him.
I also have a very limited food palate. I do not like any fruits or vegetables. I do not like any meats except for hamburger and fish (no shellfish). Hotdogs are ok too. If I taste anything that I do not like, my first response is to gag and spit it out. If I do eat something I do not like, I will get sick, usually nausia and my IBS will act up (stress from eating a disliked food). Sometimes I have to be in the mood to eat something. If I am hungry and there's nothing I want to eat because I am not in the mood, I will go hungry rather than eat.
That's all I am going to write right now. My wife just got home from work.
Aprantly there is something about these boards, or perhapes wizards products in general, that just attracts you folks.
Aprantly there is something about these boards, or perhapes wizards products in general, that just attracts you folks.
Seems to me like you'd be less likely to know people in real life who have a condition that makes them asocial.
Aprantly there is something about these boards, or perhapes wizards products in general, that just attracts you folks.
Seems to me like you'd be less likely to know people in real life who have a condition that makes them asocial.
It's an internet phenomenon - many asocial or antisocial people are much more comfortable communicating in an impersonal text-based environment. It goes a long way toward taking the "human" element out of social interaction, which reduces the stress involved.
Let's look at other symptoms I have. I lack any inborn social skills. I have a complete inability to read somebody's body language.
Avoiding eye contact is another symptom. I have a tendency to do this, but not excessively so.
Preoccupied with one or few interests. That's me in a nutshell. My interests include D&D (or RPGs in general), astronomy, reading sci-fi/fantasy, math (If I am bored enough I will get out my college calculus textbook and start doing problems). I also have a curiosity of congenital defects, especially conjoined twins (the original siamese twins is a very mild case, there are worse).
There's one other symptom that's not readily apparent. If I get too comfortable in a job or school, I have a subconscious tendency to either get me fired or to fail. I don't have a college degree just because of that. I flunked out of college twice. I have attended a couple vocational schools to get a one-year diploma, but that was too short a time to get comfortable. Most of the jobs I had I was fired because I started unknowingly to do things to get me fired. The only job I have kept is my tax preparation job and that is only because it is seasonal.
I have been advised by my counsilor not to apply for any jobs that would produce lots of stress. That leaves out fast-food places and any job that entails with public relations. That means, receptionist, secretary, and the like are out. Due to back problems, physical labor is also out. Because I don't have a college degree, a lot of other jobs are out. I'm essentially unemployable. The only time I tried to start my own business, it also flopped before it got off the ground.
That's me. There are other stories that are too personal to tell on this forum. But maybe when you see me participating on the other threads, you will now know where I'm coming from. I'm not really looking for special treatment, just a little compassion if I tell you in some way that you are being confrontational. Just because I consciously know that you are not attacking me personally, only my views, doesn't mean that I will not take it that way.
Don't ask. It'd take to long and bore you to tears.
@zombie: Sounds like you have two brains, a normal one and a zombie-baby one.
I think it's arguable that both together are still less than the sum of their parts.
I loved D&D as a boy precisely because it let me build my own world. When you are abused physically, emotionally, and psychologically by a control freak who would have preferred a telepathic robot for a son, what else can you do besides make your own little world?
Drugs?
Umm ... that's what those do, goldy. Albeit with many major and ungood side-effects, but yeah, they create your own li'l world. Eventually that world turns to your own not-so-li'l hell, but whatever.
Only if you abuse them. Drink a beer does not meen you're on train to alcoholicville.
True, but calling beer a drug is kinda like callin' ... uhh ... caffeine a drug, I guess. Though caffeine is more addictive ... umm. Yep.
Hardest thing to quit? Nicotine. At least IME.
Nah, alcohol isn't a drug. It's a poison. Pickles your brain.
Pleasantly. Pickles your brain pleasantly.
Let's look at other symptoms I have.
Okay, if you insist...
I lack any inborn social skills. I have a complete inability to read somebody's body language.
Join the club. Unless you mean something along the lines of being unable to tell the shacking guy with the red faced and the tensed arms is on the verge of punching you in the face, this seems pretty common.
Avoiding eye contact is another symptom. I have a tendency to do this, but not excessively so.
So does my dog. Personally, so do I. And when I do make eye contact, other people tend to break it immediatly and shuffle about uncomfortably.
Preoccupied with one or few interests.
You just listed a bunch.
There's one other symptom that's not readily apparent. If I get too comfortable in a job or school, I have a subconscious tendency to either get me fired or to fail.
Boredom and complacency, or mabey a bit of subconcious self-loathing.
I have been advised by my counsilor not to apply for any jobs that would produce lots of stress. That leaves out fast-food places and any job that entails with public relations. That means, receptionist, secretary, and the like are out. Due to back problems, physical labor is also out. Because I don't have a college degree, a lot of other jobs are out. I'm essentially unemployable. The only time I tried to start my own business, it also flopped before it got off the ground.
How... convienet?
Just because I consciously know that you are not attacking me personally, only my views, doesn't mean that I will not take it that way.
Well, I might be attacking you. But I probably don't mean anything by it. Unless your goldy.
Seems to me that you are a bit eccentric. Why should I treat you any diffrent because you have a lable to attach to yourself? You are who you are, and I will treat you as such, regardless of what title may be applied to you in an attempt to explain why you are the way you are. I guess I just do not 'get' it.
After I found out I had AS, I studied it somewhat. And it was through this study that I came to realize that I only had a mild form of it, and my counsilor concurred. Some of the more severe cases do not marry (I did), if they do, they do not have children (I have a son). Some of the more severe cases cannot drive because of their one-track-mind mentality. Studies have shown that they tend to miss their exit or turn. They tend not to see the traffic around them, just in front of them (and I mean right in front of them). I can drive and only once in a great, great while do I miss an exit. Though, on the other hand, on long trips, I do tend to disassociate half of my mind from driving while keeping the other half on the road.
You are right Toasted. A lot of people don't get it either. If we just met face-to-face, there would be no way to tell that I have AS. But if you get to know me, especially in a social situation, such as a party, you will probably see me sitting at a table myself, watching and listening to the people around me and not participating. Even when I am standing in the crowd, people tend to walk around me without actually seeing me. If I remember right, there was even a time that I accidently got in between two people talking to each other. They never noticed I was there. If there is no topic for me to participate in, I have a tendency to "disappear" while standing still.
After I found out I had AS, I studied it somewhat. And it was through this study that I came to realize that I only had a mild form of it, and my counsilor concurred. Some of the more severe cases do not marry (I did), if they do, they do not have children (I have a son). Some of the more severe cannot drive because of their one-track-mind mentality. Studies have shown that they tend to miss their exit or turn. They tend not to see the traffic around them, just in front of them (and I mean right in front of them). I can drive and only once in a great, great while do I miss an exit. Though, on the other hand, on long trips, I do tend to disassociate half of my mind from driving while keeping the other half on the road.
... I'm confused. I mean, I'm pretty sure everything you just described applies to a lot of people.
Not being terribly social at parties... meh. Lots of people aren't. Heck, that you went to the party makes you more social then many.
People walking around you? Meh. I'd be more worried if people walked through you, to be honest. Most people lead busy lives, so unless they recognize you or have a reason to talk to you, they will walk around you. That's nothing about you.
Not participating in topics that don't interest you? That's incredibly normal. Heck, people that insist on interjecting themselves into conversations that don't interest them and they aren't informed about are seen as rude loud-mouths that have to be the center of attention.
And I mean, not marrying? Many people don't marry. Not all married couples have kids. Many people are bad drivers. Every driver misses exits. Most people that drive long distance end up zoning out to some degree or other.
So I'm confused. Everything you've described is pretty darn normal.
I imagine it's no surprise. AS does tend to limit or retard social skills, and D&D (and other geeky hobbies) attracts those outside the social norms. Probably doesn't do much for combating stereotypes of D&D players...
Still, high-functioning autistics have probably done more to advance technology and science than any other group.
At any rate, if it makes their life easier somehow, it dosn't really bother me too much, I guess. Not sure why 'nerdy with poor social skills' needs to be considered a disability, just strikes me as a personality, but hey, whatever. If you don't go too far to make it an issue with me, I won't ever bother to poke it.
But seeing as you made a thread just to talk about it..... does it seem to anyone else that alot of mental disorder diagnoseses are just manufactured constructs to allow people who do not quite fit into the general populace of their society escape a sense of personal blame for things that really do not require explanation or blame at all?
I have to ask: So you realised that you are a certain way, and discovered that their are other people who are catagorised as having a disability who are similiar to you, but worse off, and you go and see a couple of diffrent professionals until you find one you convince that you belong in this group: why? Has this helped you in some way? Are you somehow better off for having recieved this diagnosis? It seems like looking for the scientific name for having three non working limbs: you now know how to refeer to yourself in medical jargon, but your exactly the same as you where before, only with less time on your hands.
www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/asperger_syndro...
health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease...
www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/det...
www.aspergersyndrome.org/Articles/What-i...
There are more, but use these as a starting point.
Symptoms: "You are the way you are"
Diagonisis: You have Asperger Syndrom
Definition: Asperger Syndrom causes you to be the way you are
Treatment: ??
So I don't frown on the use of labels. What I disapprove of is using labels as an excuse.
Anyway, mental illness is real and in most cases is hereditary, I inherited Bipolar Disorder from my mom. Abuses took place in my childhood so I was angry almost all the time. When I wasn't angry I was depressed until I got angry again. Wild moodswings were common back then.
To go along with your story about dumb counselors, I have one about a psychiatrist I saw in my early 20's that was treating me. My moodswings were pretty crazy back then and when I would go see the doctor and tell him that the meds weren't working (There are severe cases of Bipolar Disorder where medications simply cannot help) he didn't take me off what I was taking and just added more medications. At one point, he had me on several different medications all for the same symptoms including Lithium, Depakote, Effexor, Risperdol, Tegretol, Welbutrin, and a couple others that I can't recall, all at the same time.
Lucky for me (kind of) the moodswings or lack of actually, cost me my job. I was a machine operator at a Rubber Injection Molding Plant and I stayed in a Manic state for almost three consecutive months which was great for my bosses because my coworkers couldn't keep up with me. I earned promotions with wage increases during that time. The stuff hit the fan when I lapsed into a long depression and wound up going to a hospital for my own safety.
I stayed in that depression until I finally lost my job along with its insurance. No more insurance meant no more doctor and medications and suddenly I started feeling better.
My moods started to fluctuate again and though I knew I was sick, I was able to control myself until I qualified for Social Security Disability. Once I got Medicare, I found a different doctor. I made it clear at that point that I wanted to be on as few medications as possible. Since then, I'm only taking two medications for mental illness. One is Lamictal, a mood stabalizer, and the other is Geodon for help with flashbacks from PTSD from the abuses and I'm proud to say that they work for me. I'm on very minimal doses as well so that if a time comes that I need an increase there is a lot of room to work with without adding new medications.
Anyway, this is not an attempt to hijack your thread but in my time with counselors and doctors I've learned that a lot of mental illnesses share symptoms even though they effect the mind in totally different ways.
It's pretty good at depicting some of the awkward social behaviors of individuals with Asperger's syndrome.
movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810062504/traile...
Also remember, that one or two symptoms does not give an accurate diagnosis because there are many conditions that can produce those symptoms. They could also be just a perk of your personality without any underlying condition. However, when there are more than 50% of the listed symptoms the more likely AS will be diagnosed. It is generally assumed that you do have AS when you meet 80% of the symtoms, though even then, there must be other clues. A long talk about personal history and family history with a counsilor will also help in the diagnosis.
I also have another quirk that helped diagnose me. I am a projectaholic. I must be working on something at all times, even if it is a simple crossword puzzle, otherwise my background depression will come to the forefront. In other words, when I get bored, I also get depressed. I used to take medicines for it, but lack of money prevents me from getting them now.
@Idolis. No problem. Sometimes talking about yourself helps in the understanding of others with similar problems. Thanks for sharing.
Uh, thanks for sharing?
We're sorry?
Congats?
On the internet everyone has AS...