My take:
-It would nourish the vampire, after a fashion. No, if you put transubstantiated wine under a microscope, you wouldn't find any erythrocytes, platelets, white blood cells, or any of the other normal physical aspects of blood, but that's not what nourishes a true vampire (as opposed to, say, a vampire bat) anyway. It's the spiritual, metaphysical stuff about blood which nourishes a vampire, and the Eucharist alters the spiritual, metaphysical nature of the liquid into blood.
-You might say that only some priests (True Believers or something) are actually capable of inducing the miracle of the Eucharist -- they'd probably be the same ones who can actually repel a vampire with a cross or something. In cases where the priest isn't a True Believer, the wine would just taste like wine to a vampire and provide none of the nourishing aspects of blood.
-Because this is Christ's blood, it is an anethema to vampiric nature. The nature of the blood simultaneously nourishes (like ordinary blood) and destroys (like holy water) the vampire's body, while tending to redeem the vampire's soul.
-Christ's blood is addictive. It tastes better than any other type of blood (in spite of the fact that it's actually killing the vampire who drinks it). As the vampire drinks more and more of it, its desire for regular human blood is diminished, and its vampiric abilities (like the ability to entrance people, superhuman strength, etc) decline. Eventually, after drinking enough of Christ's blood, the vampire lies down in its haven/coffin/whatever one morning before sunrise, and never gets up the next evening -- truly dying over the course of the day in its "sleep."
What do you think?
What I Think
inb4lock
Also, pig, I don't think this would be locked, since it's not really a religious 'discussion'.
Also, pig, I don't think this would be locked, since it's not really a religious 'discussion'.
Yeah, it's more along the lines of:
"Okey guys, let's say there is a battle between Chuck Norris, a werewolf, and Jesus. Who would win?"
Yeah, it's more along the lines of:
"Okey guys, let's say there is a battle between Chuck Norris, a werewolf, and Jesus. Who would win?"
Chuck Norris always wins.
Christ is make believe.
This begs the question of whether a vampire could ingest enough of a quantity of Jesus wine to be destroyed by it. Assuming that hold water burns the flesh of the undead simply by touch, would there not be a gag reflex before the liquid entered whatever organ the vampire possesses to digest blood?
Also, I would assume that the veins of the vampire would be destroyed before they had a chance to deliver the blood to the heart, in which case the vampire would not be destroyed, but severely weakened.
It wouldn't do anything at all, for one simple reason.
Christ is make believe.
Dammit.
Look, SOME people here believe in Christ*, and it's not cool to diss 'em like that. Can you edit your post so we don't get this thread locked?
Kthx.
*I'm not one of 'em, but still. It just ain't kewl to do that.
I put my bets on Zombie Jesus.
This begs the question of whether a vampire could ingest enough of a quantity of Jesus wine to be destroyed by it. Assuming that hold water burns the flesh of the undead simply by touch, would there not be a gag reflex before the liquid entered whatever organ the vampire possesses to digest blood?
Also, I would assume that the veins of the vampire would be destroyed before they had a chance to deliver the blood to the heart, in which case the vampire would not be destroyed, but severely weakened.
And then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Zombie Jesus and wins.
And then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Zombie Jesus and wins.
But he's Zombie Jesus. He'll just Second Come-back.
So Chuck Norris still wins.
He'd still win, even if Zombie Jesus could rez himself at will.
Cuz Chuck Norris is that awesome.
It wouldn't do anything at all, for one simple reason.
Christ is make believe.
Well, what about vampires? I'd say they're make-believe, personally, but I was just stipulating their existence for the purposes of this post.
as real as the black shroud that covers my heart
i dunno... Jesus just keeps coming back though... i have a screen cap...
But Judas is inept.
But he keeps camping the rail gun spawn, so he just keeps fragging Jesus after he respawns.
But he keeps camping the rail gun spawn, so he just keeps fragging Jesus after he respawns.
Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.
Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.
So he's the Tarrasque now?
Jeez, that's a battle I'd like to see.
Does that make the Tarrasque the Anti-Christ?
Does that make the Tarrasque the Anti-Christ?
Yes, which is why they must battle.
He can take the Tarrasque out by himself.
Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.
Zombie Jesus is immune to all divine abilities. As well as any necrotic abilities.
Who cares if ZJ doesn't need it! CoDzilla doesn't need a lot of stuff but he's still given some love! my point still stands.... it's the Goshdarn Zombie Motherfriggin Jesus IN A ROBOT DINOSAUR.
Rebuttal: Zombie Jesus IN A ROBOT DINOSAUR.
Did Jesus ride dinosaurs? We don't know.
But he probably did!
http://overcompensating.com/posts/20071030.html
Jesus +Raptor = win
How did this get to two pages before it got closed?
No freakin clue
Would it be completely wrong to jack this thread and start discussing lycanthope politics?
In Before Lock.
Jesus is a shaman.
Care to elaborate on this assertion?
Does that mean he has a spirit companion?
*waits expectantly for a stray lightning bolt*
Huh? I understand the meaning of those acronyms piggy, but all I can say in response is: Huh?
(controversial statement)
Furry Pride!
That's just wrong, my porcine lesser noble friend.
Show
Zombie Jesus Level 33 Solo Controller
Medium Immortal Human (undead angel) XP 155,000
Initiative +30 Senses see omniscience
HP 888; Bloodied 750; see also suffering for your sins
AC 49; Fortitude 42, Reflex 48, Will 66
Immune fear, disease, poison, divine, petrification; Resist 80 radiant, 80 necrotic
Saving Throws see savior
Speed 4, see water walk
Action Points: 3
Zombie Jesus Grab (standard, at will) Radiant
+34 vs Reflex; 2d12+12 radiant damage and the target is grabbed. Checks made to escape Zombie Jesus' grab take a -10 penalty.
Gnaw (standard, at will) Necrotic
Target must be grabbed; +36 vs. AC; 3d12 + 12 damage, and the target takes ongoing 15 necrotic damage (save ends)
Holy Ghost (standard, recharge 6)
Zombie Jesus restores his bloodied value worth of hitpoints. All creatures in close burst 10 take an attack; +37 vs. Will; Targets hit are dominated until the end of Zombie Jesus' next turn.
Trinity (Immediate Interrupt) Conjuration
When Zombie Jesus has 3 action points and uses 1, he can also use the remaining action points to summon The Father, and The Holy Ghost. He can sustain these summon creatures as a minor action.
Suffering for your sins (while bloodied)
When Zombie Jesus is bloodied, all living creatures within burst 1000 save against all effects.
Water walk
Zombie Jesus can walk on water and may turn a 1d10 area of water into wine as a minor action.
Saviour
Whenever an attack applies an effect to Zombie Jesus that a save can end, he immediately saves. Zombie Jesus can also cause any other target to succeed on a saving throw as a free action.
Omniscience
Zombie Jesus knows where everything is and does not take a penalty when attacking targets which are invisible or concealed.
Rise again (when reduced to 0 hitpoints)
Zombie Jesus disappears in a flash of light when killed and he is restored to full hit points after 3 days.
Medium Immortal Human (undead angel) XP 155,000
Initiative +30 Senses see omniscience
HP 888; Bloodied 750; see also suffering for your sins
AC 49; Fortitude 42, Reflex 48, Will 66
Immune fear, disease, poison, divine, petrification; Resist 80 radiant, 80 necrotic
Saving Throws see savior
Speed 4, see water walk
Action Points: 3
Zombie Jesus Grab (standard, at will) Radiant
+34 vs Reflex; 2d12+12 radiant damage and the target is grabbed. Checks made to escape Zombie Jesus' grab take a -10 penalty.
Gnaw (standard, at will) Necrotic
Target must be grabbed; +36 vs. AC; 3d12 + 12 damage, and the target takes ongoing 15 necrotic damage (save ends)
Holy Ghost (standard, recharge 6)
Zombie Jesus restores his bloodied value worth of hitpoints. All creatures in close burst 10 take an attack; +37 vs. Will; Targets hit are dominated until the end of Zombie Jesus' next turn.
Trinity (Immediate Interrupt) Conjuration
When Zombie Jesus has 3 action points and uses 1, he can also use the remaining action points to summon The Father, and The Holy Ghost. He can sustain these summon creatures as a minor action.
Suffering for your sins (while bloodied)
When Zombie Jesus is bloodied, all living creatures within burst 1000 save against all effects.
Water walk
Zombie Jesus can walk on water and may turn a 1d10 area of water into wine as a minor action.
Saviour
Whenever an attack applies an effect to Zombie Jesus that a save can end, he immediately saves. Zombie Jesus can also cause any other target to succeed on a saving throw as a free action.
Omniscience
Zombie Jesus knows where everything is and does not take a penalty when attacking targets which are invisible or concealed.
Rise again (when reduced to 0 hitpoints)
Zombie Jesus disappears in a flash of light when killed and he is restored to full hit points after 3 days.
Why does everyone hate furries?
It's a chicken thing.
Read your Pratchett if you don't understand.
I just add most of the stuff to my porn stash. For every fetish there is some freaky stuff...
Wait, wha..?
I didn't know that Christians watched porn! I thought it was against the rules....
At least according to my neighbors.
GOD: Welcome to Pardise!
Old Skool Lady: Woo!
GOD: Yo! Dan you got the stuff?
Me: Ya, I grabbed my copy of "Tentacles and Fur VII" as I had a heart attack.
GOD: Cool, let me get my Blu-Ray *goes off*
Old Skool Lady: I'm confused...
...There's probably gonna be a Google hit.
Would it be completely wrong to jack this thread and start discussing lycanthope politics?
In Before Lock.
I wonder, do you think lycanthropes as a party would be considered representative of their own minority group?
I wish this was real so much.
Interviewer: So, candidate Smith, how do you stand on the education issues as related to the family?
Lycanthrope Rep: Well, Bill, I believe we as a nation need to get back to our fundamentals. Strengthen the moral development of our children starting with the family.
Interviewer: I see...and what would you say that entails?
Lycanthrope Rep: Well, core family values should be installed through a present mother and father figure, regular attendance of church, and throwing the child out into the wilderness at the age of seven.
Interviewer: I see....I see....wait, what?
Sorry. Let my imagination run rampart for a moment there.
It may be a hentai...
...There's probably gonna be a Google hit.
I don't watch hentai either. I prefer to keep my computer virus free.
No longer does it pop up randomly!
Porn sites give your computer an STD.
Man, I have such a bad headache. I hope Gronk! is happy with the Shaman I sent him. Building Shamans are hard.
Even more Irony: Trojans are condoms, yet your computer gets infected with them
Also, shouldn't it be more ironic that Trojans are condoms?
And yes it is ironic Trojans are condoms, somewhere along the line someone thought it was funny to call infected files trojans and cause us all confusion.
Trojans allow backdoor access. Both kinds.
I'd rather not have to deal with either of those kinds of access.
On the case of sparkly vampires, we could steal that guy who plays Edward in those Twilight movies. Just a thought. I really like the illustration, it works perfectly.
Oh well. Seriously though. Edward? Eddie the vampire? How could it have been more easy to make fun of?
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I really don't know
I really don't know