In case spoilers from episodes that aired four years ago are a concern for anyone
Anyway, in the show Barney just slept with Robin (Ted's ex) and everyone's freaking out about it. I mean Ted freaking out about it? Yeah, Ted has always been obsessive about Robin. But no one is acting like Ted is being weird about this and that's why it's a big deal (because they know that Ted is going to react badly), they're acting like it's genuinely a bad thing for Robin and Barney to sleep together.
And I don't get that1. So, internet, here is the question...
Is this an actual thing, getting upset because a friend slept with one of your exs (who is also a friend of you both)? Or is it just the show being overly dramatic?
If it's an actual thing, can anyone explain it?
Anyway, in the show Barney just slept with Robin (Ted's ex) and everyone's freaking out about it. I mean Ted freaking out about it? Yeah, Ted has always been obsessive about Robin. But no one is acting like Ted is being weird about this and that's why it's a big deal (because they know that Ted is going to react badly), they're acting like it's genuinely a bad thing for Robin and Barney to sleep together.
And I don't get that1. So, internet, here is the question...
Is this an actual thing, getting upset because a friend slept with one of your exs (who is also a friend of you both)? Or is it just the show being overly dramatic?
If it's an actual thing, can anyone explain it?
So please. Treat me like an idiot.
It's one of those unspoken guy rules. Like the "always take the furthest away urinal when possible" rule.
The basic thought is that there is a chance they might get back together. By sleeping with a friend's ex, you're ruining any chance they might have in getting back together. Usually after a six month period it's generally okay, but one should still ask permission before-hand in any case.
... wait, so you don't get upset when your ex dates (and presumably sleeps with) someone that isn't a friend, but if it's a friend then somehow they've ****ed up your (not likely) future with the girl?
And the urinal rule makes sense.
and
got together?
...Wat.
and
got together?
...Wat.
they both got drunk, one thing lead to another, you know how it goes, it was just that one time.
... wait, so you don't get upset when your ex dates (and presumably sleeps with) someone that isn't a friend, but if it's a friend then somehow they've ****ed up your (not likely) future with the girl?
It's perfectly reasonable. You never, and I mean never, want one of your friends to say to you "...while I was bangin' your wife..."
Therefore, once your friend sleeps with her, even if you thought you might have had some small chance of making it work with the girl you just can't do it.
It's perfectly reasonable. You never, and I mean never, want one of your friends to say to you "...while I was bangin' your wife..."
... that's not really an explanation for why a guy would be mad that a friend slept with his ex, just why some conversations might be awkward. Though really, if you're in the habit of telling stories that include a "while I was bangin'" then I think you may have already conquered or ignored awkward.
But awkward isn't what we're talking about, it's anger.
I had a female friend I'd hooked up with before, and she invited me to her wedding (irrelevant to the story, but she's married to another woman now)... The morning of the wedding, I told her I had a migraine and I'd been awake all night (only a slight lie, since I did have a headache and I had been up all night although it was just goofing off online) because I knew I'd have trouble looking the new spouse in the eye at their wedding when I knew damn well that I'd been fooling around with my friend concurrently with her first hooking up with her new wife...
It took a while before me-and-my-friend time eventually evolved into me-and-my-friend's-family time. (Although my friend and I still hang out by ourselves fairly often (but not hooking up), her family has basically become my rent-a-family for when I feel like doing family-type stuff or I have some kind of family coupon for someplace, etc.)
On a related note, she had actually originally been married to one of my other friends for awhile before she and I were friends (and I was at that wedding), but they'd been divorced for about a year before we started hooking up and the friend was completely out of the picture and living in another state by then.
A good guideline for dating a friend's ex is to wait at least six months and then make sure the friend is cool with it or at least not going to shoot you both while you sleep, lol.
As for why a friend might be angry with you for hooking up with their ex, part of it could be that they see it as you succeeding where they failed, and also they might see it as a betrayal of your friendship with them... I'm sure there are other reasons, as well.
As mentioned sometimes before is that there could be a chance of them getting back together and you getting involved can either take that option off the table or maybe you two wont stop even if they do get back together. First response is more a selfish thing and the second is could lead to problems all around. whatever.
On the other hand there is the whole bad breakup thing. In this case the two dont like each other and he wants her out of his life. maybe she wants the same. You dating/hooking up with your friend's ex keeps her in his life and could cause problems. Really only an issue if ur friend is a rooster and the gal is an irritable itch.
All in all though a lot of dudes tend to be what i said in my first line. jealous and immature. They see their ex with their friend and they start getting insecure. Insecure dudes tend to show this through violence and aggression. blah blah blah.
I really see no point to the rule. they is your ex. get over it. if you can't it's ur problem not mine or your ex's.
And neither of them is supposed to have the word for "jelaousy"
Supposedly there's a tribe in the Amazon in which every guy does it in every woman and they believe each guy is partly father of the resulting kids. And there's also a similar one in China where people don't really leave their family homes and the girls invite as many men over as they want.
And neither of them is supposed to have the word for "jelaousy"
Yeah.
We have those here too.
I guess I'm cool with that. You guys are weird.
________
1Yeah, I'm gonna make that distinction. Gay men are kinda notorious with getting incestuous with their sexual relations among their social circles. So by all accounts, if this is a thing, it's a straight male thing, not a male thing.
That said, it's different depending upon certain factors, too. If it was a short thing, it'll matter less. If the friend isn't that close, it'll matter less. If he dumped her it will matter less.
Oh, and who watches that piece of crap show on purpose anyway? Srsly.
... so what I'm hearing is that "yes, this is a thing" and "no, we can't really explain it in a way that doesn't make straight men1 sound jealous and petty".
I guess I'm cool with that. You guys are weird.
________
1Yeah, I'm gonna make that distinction. Gay men are kinda notorious with getting incestuous with their sexual relations among their social circles. So by all accounts, if this is a thing, it's a straight male thing, not a male thing.
There's many emotions going on.
Possesive is only one of them. Though rarely the strongest emotion (girls tend not to stick around at all if you where highly possessive to begin with).
Longing is another. Sex is a powerful drug, once you have it, you want more of it. You get to see/imagine the person you had sex with turned on, but you are denied it. Like smelling good food, but you have to starve.
Pain is a third. Rarely do breakup happen without some heavy negitive feeling pushing people apart. Seeing them again brings that up.
Most of that happens no matter who dates your Ex. But if your friend does it, you can't say "she's such a
" or otherwise put the blame and avoid the feelings nearly as easily as she will be aroud more often. Any feelings you do have are brought to the surface, and paraded in front of you. You also loose your "safe place". You can't go to your friends house to try and forget it.In short, you feel like they are rubbing your failure it in your face, rather then supporting you.
So for some context, me and the fiance started watching How I Met Your Mother a few weeks back and are near the end of season 3. So if you're worried about season 3 spoilers of said show, you might want to stop reading now.In case spoilers from episodes that aired four years ago are a concern for anyone
Anyway, in the show Barney just slept with Robin (Ted's ex) and everyone's freaking out about it. I mean Ted freaking out about it? Yeah, Ted has always been obsessive about Robin. But no one is acting like Ted is being weird about this and that's why it's a big deal (because they know that Ted is going to react badly), they're acting like it's genuinely a bad thing for Robin and Barney to sleep together.
And I don't get that1. So, internet, here is the question...
Is this an actual thing, getting upset because a friend slept with one of your exs (who is also a friend of you both)? Or is it just the show being overly dramatic?
If it's an actual thing, can anyone explain it?
Were they hot? If so, pics or it didn't happen.
I second the motion, and I would like to add that if video is an option, it should be considered the first choice.
The girl I hooked up with was hot, her ex was...not my type.
And no, I'm not posting pics.
lol When did this become 4chan?
I like to think The Imageboard has slightly higher standards than us OTTers. We take pride in our lack thereof.
wolf: fair enough.
lol Res: think what you want. I don't post pictures or info of people I know on the internet.
Why? I do it all the time.
And I do it none of the time. :P
So you're saying it didn't happen.
That's exactly what he is saying. It's all just a lie.
lol When did this become 4chan?
I like to think The Imageboard has slightly higher standards than us OTTers. We take pride in our lack thereof.
Well, but the existence of CoC has forced us to act a bit smarter. Like satirists in a repressive state, with no freedom of speech
Also, lol, pics. She's hot though, sucks about the flack from your friends.
But that girl, regardless of who she is, she isn't bad looking.
Ok, let's say I post a picture.
There are several ways that you can prove who that girl is and what you have done with her, but you consider it "inappropriate."
By the way, couldn't you have gotten a better picture?
I am tempted to make a thread for OTTers to post thire pictures of them and their significant others
12?! I'm not 12! I haven't been that young in at least 7 years! You offend me sir!
But that girl, regardless of who she is, she isn't bad looking.
She's one of the more attractive people I know. Although, for obvious reasons, I prefer to look at my fiance. :P
I am tempted to make a thread for OTTers to post thire pictures of them and their significant others
While I'm shameless about posting myself, I wouldn't be putting any picture of my SO up.
I am tempted to make a thread for OTTers to post thire pictures of them and their significant others
While I'm shameless about posting myself, I wouldn't be putting any picture of my SO up.
then in the words of
pics or it didn't happen.
in fact that could be the title of the thread...
in fact that could be the title of the thread...
... why? The thread was about psychology, and if reality was as strange as fantasy. No proof needed.
I am tempted to make a thread for OTTers to post thire pictures of them and their significant others
in fact that could be the title of the thread...
... why? The thread was about psychology, and if reality was as strange as fantasy. No proof needed.
from my original statement
tempted to make a thread for OTTers
indicating a new thread but sicne this is the Off topic taveren and not stay on topic land I fail to see a problem if the thread goes into a post a pic or it didn't happen mode lol
The other said it was kinda awkward, but not something to get mad about.
________
1Kinda explains why he's uncomfortable with gays. He's afraid we'll treat him how he treats women. And no, I'm not kidding. I've, in all seriousness, asked him this and after a few minutes thinking he said "yeah, that sounds about right."
I wasn't trying to speak of general experience there, just speaking specifically of my friend. It's kinda annoying being someone's learning experience, but he's getting better.
So for some context, me and the fiance started watching How I Met Your Mother a few weeks back and are near the end of season 3. So if you're worried about season 3 spoilers of said show, you might want to stop reading now.In case spoilers from episodes that aired four years ago are a concern for anyone
Anyway, in the show Barney just slept with Robin (Ted's ex) and everyone's freaking out about it. I mean Ted freaking out about it? Yeah, Ted has always been obsessive about Robin. But no one is acting like Ted is being weird about this and that's why it's a big deal (because they know that Ted is going to react badly), they're acting like it's genuinely a bad thing for Robin and Barney to sleep together.
And I don't get that1. So, internet, here is the question...
Is this an actual thing, getting upset because a friend slept with one of your exs (who is also a friend of you both)? Or is it just the show being overly dramatic?
If it's an actual thing, can anyone explain it?
an ex of mine, too. We talked about it. That kinda made it all ok. Still odd but not rage inducing. Jus' a li'l awkward.Oh, and it's been years since I had a dood hit on me.
Yeah. And he wasn't up to snuff, either. It was in a goth club and he was the kind of idiot that wore a mesh shirt to show off his nipple piercings. Not take home to meet mom material, yanno? I think the reason that most straight guys are uncomfortable around gay men is that theyre afraid that theyll get hit on, and then they feel rejecected when they dont,haha
Well, a bit true about me
Though I've only met one gay guy so far (or at least to my knowledge) and we treated that as a joke. Incidentally, he looks a bit like a teenage EE.
Oh, and it's been years since I had a dood hit on me.
They don't have to be "take home to meet mom" material to be "take into the backseat of the car and bang like a trashcan lid" material.
Oh, and it's been years since I had a dood hit on me.
They don't have to be "take home to meet mom" material to be "take into the backseat of the car and bang like a trashcan lid" material.
that's the first time I've ever heard that particular euphimism I think the reason that most straight guys are uncomfortable around gay men is that theyre afraid that theyll get hit on, and then they feel rejecected when they dont,haha
They are afraid they will like it or that it will move. That is what is so scarry to some straight men.
Some, maybe. I think people greatly exaggerate the closet homosexual (of fear of same) explanation for homophobia, though. Mostly, people are kinda crappy, and often uncomfortable or outright afraid/violent toward anything that is different from their perceived norm.
Oh, and it's been years since I had a dood hit on me.
They don't have to be "take home to meet mom" material to be "take into the backseat of the car and bang like a trashcan lid" material.
That's fantastic.
/shrug
I wasn't trying to speak of general experience there, just speaking specifically of my friend. It's kinda annoying being someone's learning experience, but he's getting better.
For what it's worth, we're all the learning experience of everyone we interact with, whether we like it or not.
I think the reason that most straight guys are uncomfortable around gay men is that theyre afraid that theyll get hit on, and then they feel rejecected when they dont,haha
They are afraid they will like it or that it will move. That is what is so scarry to some straight men.
Some, maybe. I think people greatly exaggerate the closet homosexual (of fear of same) explanation for homophobia, though. Mostly, people are kinda crappy, and often uncomfortable or outright afraid/violent toward anything that is different from their perceived norm.
Do not under estimatee fear. Some people are so afraid of other people, that they wished they had a gun when strangers came to talk to them.
Absolutely. What I'm saying is that fear of "strange folk", change and "otherness" motivates most homophobes. Those, and the simple fact that they were raised to believe that it's wrong/evil/dangerous, of course.