Good evening and welcome, everyone, to "Question time with Owls." I'm your host, Owls. Please do not be alarmed that my head is that of a barn owl, as I sit here in my comfortable chair and sip reasonably priced domestic non-vintage wine just like everyone else. Let's get started, shall we? I believe this will be a very enlightening day for all of us.
Let's face it, we don't know everything about the Dungeons and Dragons world. There are a lot of subtleties and unanswered questions floating around, cloaked in a +3 Shroud of Enigmatic Mystique. Questions such as (but not limited to) "Do the Gith have nipples?" or "Do zombies poop?" or "If I cut a Kobold and a Goblin in half and sew the halves together, what would I get?" Fortunately, I happen to know absolutely everything about the D&D world, and have now come to think that it is about time to share my inconceivable knowledge with you fine people. My call line is always open (it is a forum thread) so feel absolutely free to ask any question about the D&D-verse and I will consult the eighty-million gallactic-ton planetary memo-gems that searve as my brain to produce an answer for you. Now without further ado, I shall open up my being to the cosmos, literally leeching your questions directly from your primordial brains as I take a sip of my wine with my wickedly crooked owl's beak, making a mess everywhere, but showing no intention of cleaning it up.
So do Giths have nipples?
Do zombies poop?
And what do you get with a half a kobold and half a goblin sewn together? (aside from a dead goblin and a dead koblod)
if an elf falls out of a tree in a forest, and no one is around to see it... is it still funny?
how much wood would a wood woad chuck if a wood woad would chuck wood?
when one is speaking with plants, should one hear "oh god. oh god. the pain. get this large brute off me" from the grass you're stepping on and "photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. (ad nauseum)" from the rest?
Why are white dragons always portrayed as beastial monsters even though they are the dumbest of all the dragons, they are still on par with most others (10+) inteligence?
Can you say "I speak Roper" in Roper?
Can you translate... this into Illithid?
So do Giths have nipples?
Do zombies poop?
And what do you get with a half a kobold and half a goblin sewn together? (aside from a dead goblin and a dead koblod)
Yes, No, and a Koblin (or a Gobold if you live in the southern hemisphere).
Where did Abeir go before returning during the Spellplague?
Do gully dwarves exist in D&D?
Is it possible for a kender and a halfling to mate?
What would happen if Krynn crashed into Faerun?
if an elf falls out of a tree in a forest, and no one is around to see it... is it still funny?
how much wood would a wood woad chuck if a wood woad would chuck wood?
when one is speaking with plants, should one hear "oh god. oh god. the pain. get this large brute off me" from the grass you're stepping on and "photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. photosynthesis. (ad nauseum)" from the rest?
Yes.
About 8 lbs.
In fact, Druids and other nature classes have no ability whatsoever to speak with plants. They just make it all up.
Why are white dragons always portrayed as beastial monsters even though they are the dumbest of all the dragons, they are still on par with most others (10+) inteligence?
White Dragons are kind of like the under-achieving little brothers of the dragon world. They have average intelligence, but all of the other dragons (being abnormally intelligent) make fun of them and call them stupid. This hurts the White Dragon's feelings so they retreat to the icy caves to be hermits. Dragons are a lot like High School.
Can you say "I speak Roper" in Roper?
"Qwuuleeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
How many Elves does it take to light a candle?
Can you translate... this into Illithid?
Actually it already is. It just means something different in Illithid. Just a Coincidence I suppose.
Where did Abeir go before returning during the Spellplague?
Do gully dwarves exist in D&D?
Is it possible for a kender and a halfling to mate?
What would happen if Krynn crashed into Faerun?
Their Grandma's house. I believe cookies were involved.
Yes.
Yes, but it's weird.
Faerun would win.
How many Elves does it take to light a candle?
Generally, One, but it depends on how big the candle is.
Should I serve a white or red wine with Roasted Halfling?
Halflings have a very subtle flavor that a good white wine can bring fully to the surface. Serve Red if halfling is prepared cold.
Halflings have a very subtle flavor that a good white wine can bring fully to the surface. Serve Red if halfling is prepared cold.
This show just jumped the shark.
Halflings have a very subtle flavor that a good white wine can bring fully to the surface. Serve Red if halfling is prepared cold.
This show just jumped the shark?
There we go. Now it's a question.
The answer is no.
Why are Shadows pretty much immune to Daylight/Sunlight but Spectres & Wraiths aren't? I mean, thematically speaking, uh, "Wtf?!" sums it up, no?
Is there a Roth(e) IRA available for dragons? I mean, what's the point on keeping a bigass hoard if you have no intentions of spending it, trafficing w/ any real commerce, etc? I mean, interest sounds good, especially to a creature so long lived, yes? Mo' hoard the mo' betta'?
Despite the obvious Cthulu allusion to illithids, is it possible their rising popularity is directly proportional to naughty tentacles in anime/hentai, also quite popular w/ the gaming set?
If a Kolbold dies in the woods, and no one's around too know, does anybody care?
Who or what will bring about the apocalypse?
Have you ever had to fight against someone/something that is your equal or better in all aspects?
If so did you win?
How?
Is my theory on the meaning of life right(the meaning of life is what you make of it)?
Is there any question you can't answer?
Thank you for your time.
Why are Shadows pretty much immune to Daylight/Sunlight but Spectres & Wraiths aren't? I mean, thematically speaking, uh, "Wtf?!" sums it up, no?
Is there a Roth(e) IRA available for dragons? I mean, what's the point on keeping a bigass hoard if you have no intentions of spending it, trafficing w/ any real commerce, etc? I mean, interest sounds good, especially to a creature so long lived, yes? Mo' hoard the mo' betta'?
Despite the obvious Cthulu allusion to illithids, is it possible their rising popularity is directly proportional to naughty tentacles in anime/hentai, also quite popular w/ the gaming set?
Shadows are pretty much immune to Radiant damage because if you shine a light on a shadow, it just gets longer, making it more powerful.
1363 years ago, sages presented the idea of an IRA to dragons of the time. They made excellent points and spoke passionately in a genuine attempt to save the Dragons hundreds of thousands of gold coins that included a clause for raiding adventurers. They were promptly eaten and the subject has not been broached since.
No, but interestingly enough, Tentacle **** is the only known thing that can weird out an Illithid.
If a Kolbold dies in the woods, and no one's around too know, does anybody care?
No. Not even the Kobold cares.
Let's say a Beholder is getting on in years and notices his vision just ain't what it used to be in any of his eyes. What kind of bill are we talkin' about for contacts?
Who or what will bring about the apocalypse?
Have you ever had to fight against someone/something that is your equal or better in all aspects?
If so did you win?
How?
Is my theory on the meaning of life right(the meaning of life is what you make of it)?
Is there any question you can't answer?
Thank you for your time.
In 2152, scientists will genetically fuse the Blue Ring Octopus and Japanese Hornets. By 2154, the human race will be extinguished. Then, much later, Earth will be destroyed by meteors.
No. My vast intellect allows me to kill potential threats 1000 years before they are born.
In varying words, pretty much.
No.
What, exactly, is the point of the Owlbear anyway?
Let's say a Beholder is getting on in years and notices his vision just ain't what it used to be in any of his eyes. What kind of bill are we talkin' about for contacts?
For the central eye, about as much as a flatscreen TV. Each of the other eyes are about 100 dollars. Most Beholders just decide to kill themselves, because it's better than footing that bill.
What, exactly, is the point of the Owlbear anyway?
As with most weird crap, the answer is the same. Some Wizards got bored. Made Owlbears.
I don't believe it. Let's try again. Owlbear origin: Drunken magical experimentation or drunken brutal ****?
When converting an AST tree into a Linear IR, should one use a recursive function call or iterative loop?
Not really. They make fun sounds.
Is Owls intimidated by my question?
Is Owls intimidated by my question?
Owls is intimidated by no one.
I did not acknowledge your question because you tried to outsmart me and that hurt my feelings.
What happens when a Dwarf, a Half-Orc and a Doppleganger all walk into a bar... ?
What happens when a Dwarf, a Half-Orc and a Doppleganger all walk into a bar... ?
A joke happens.
What is Bahamut's favourite kind of music?
What is Bahamut's favourite kind of music?
Trance Hop.
Imagine that. And Tiamat's?
Imagine that. And Tiamat's?
Trance Pop.
Trance is very popular among dragons.
I have a question. Wh?
I have a question. Wh?
Wh indeed, sir. Wh indeed.
Dear Owls,
Considering diet and culture, what color differences, if any, can we expect among the feces of Humans, Elves, Orcs, Goblins, Dragonborn, and Dwarves?
Thanks!
signed... Curious in Casablanca
Dear Curious in Casablanca,
Thank you for your question. Interestingly enough, the feces of the races is very similar to their own characteristics. Human feces is average, Elves feces is frail and spindly, Orcs feces is loud and agressive, Goblin feces is dirty and no one likes it, Dragonborn feces has a firey personality, and Dwarf feces is short and drunk.
Are any decent dancers among the illithids?
What makes you squick?
Dear He Whom Flocks With Owls,
I am in love with a beautiful Elven maiden, but I fear my heritage works against me. I am but a Half-Orc, birthed from the forceful interlude between a Human male and a powerful Orc Shamaness. Within my blood runs the lust of battle and the curiosity of the Human mind. More intelligent then Orc, I escaped my brutal kin with many battle scars, and fled on foot to the City. Therein I was taught to read and write, and took an interest in song and dance. I am now but a humble Bard, trained in battle and wit.
I came across this Elven maid during a long wandering through the nearby Forest, and there I found her singing by a Waterfall. Words fail me, my senses stolen, I tripped and scattered brush in all direction. She fled from me. I searched long and hard and know that she lives amoung the Elven clan that resides within the Forest. I am but a Bard, a Half-Orc bardic scholar at that. I am in love with this Elven maid, and I desperately seek your guidance!
Signed,
Singing Alone In Love
Are any decent dancers among the illithids?
Well there's Michael Jackson.
I've said too much.
What makes you squick?
Magical Lubricants.
What are some of the non-combat applications of the grease spell?
Have you ever seen a satyr with a 'fro?
In a fantasy world in which physics takes a hike on a regular basis, is Helium still a non-flammable gas?
Where can I find a uranium katanna?
In a magical world, what color does radiation glow?
If Drizzt got in a fight with Elminster, who would win?
If Greenwood wrote the fight?
If Salvatore wrote the fight?
If the fans wrote the fight?
What's your favorite slash pairing in the Forgotten Realms?
Dear He Whom Flocks With Owls,
I am in love with a beautiful Elven maiden, but I fear my heritage works against me. I am but a Half-Orc, birthed from the forceful interlude between a Human male and a powerful Orc Shamaness. Within my blood runs the lust of battle and the curiosity of the Human mind. More intelligent then Orc, I escaped my brutal kin with many battle scars, and fled on foot to the City. Therein I was taught to read and write, and took an interest in song and dance. I am now but a humble Bard, trained in battle and wit.
I came across this Elven maid during a long wandering through the nearby Forest, and there I found her singing by a Waterfall. Words fail me, my senses stolen, I tripped and scattered brush in all direction. She fled from me. I searched long and hard and know that she lives amoung the Elven clan that resides within the Forest. I am but a Bard, a Half-Orc bardic scholar at that. I am in love with this Elven maid, and I desperately seek your guidance!
Signed,
Singing Alone In Love
Dear Singing Alone in Love,
Your story is a touching tale of love and longing. Here is what you do: It is well know that elves love the arts. Poetry, Painting, Song, and Dance shall be your most potent weapons. Gather yourself and venture out into the forest to find the Elven city, perhaps hireing a ranger to show you the path. At the gates, you are sure to garter an unwelcome reception, as Elven communities are highly gaurded against outsiders (especially Orcs). Now is the time where you must muster every ounce of art in your soul. Pour yourself out onto them. Entreat them to allow you inside to share your art with those who will truly appreciate it, and tell them of your deep love for this unknown elven beauty. Elven hearts are not of stone, and are natural romantics. If they do not admit you entrance, come back every day until they do. Show them your unfaltering love is greater than their resolve.
Once inside, it is a matter of finding the elven woman you seek. If she is as great a singer as you tell, then she will most likely a member of a singing or bardic guild or organization. Track down each and every one you can find, and ask the villagers if they know of the one you described. Hopefully, if perhaps after hours of searching, you will find your Love. She might reccognise you, but if she does not, remind her that it was you who heard her sing at the waterfall, captivated by her beauty. The rest is poetry in motion. Do not falter in your love for her, and she cannot reject you.
My overall advice is simple. Never allow something so trivial as race come between you and true love. Even in lands where racial prejudices cast the longest shadows, you can become a beacon of light and hope for all around you. The road may be hard, but as long as you love each other, you cannot fail.
What are some of the non-combat applications of the grease spell?
Have you ever seen a satyr with a 'fro?
In a fantasy world in which physics takes a hike on a regular basis, is Helium still a non-flammable gas?
Where can I find a uranium katanna?
In a magical world, what color does radiation glow?
If Drizzt got in a fight with Elminster, who would win?
If Greenwood wrote the fight?
If Salvatore wrote the fight?
If the fans wrote the fight?What's your favorite slash pairing in the Forgotten Realms?
The grease spell is one of the most utilitarian spells in the wizard's repertoire. Greasing ramps that lead into a acid pit, greasing the inside of a well that has a Beholder in it, Greasing the inside of a purple worm so that it is easier to escape (theoretical), and so much more. Also if you run out of Pam.
Yes. It was weird.
Helium is only flammable when the wizard tries to take down the enemies' balloon.
The Uranium Katanna can be found in the Tide of Stone mountain range in the chasm of Maws. There you will find the sword piercing the belly of a centuries dead dragon. Upon removing the sword, the skeleton will rise up and battle you.
Radiation has two colors, depending on if it is beneficial. Green Radiation gives you super powers, magically cures wounds, etc., while purple radiation melts your flesh. Here's a fun mnemonic to help you remember: "Green means go, Purple means stay the **** away."
Pre-Spellplague Elminster would win.
If Greenwood wrote the fight, Drizzt would win.
If Salvatore wrote the fight, Drizzt would win, because in Salvatore's books, Drizzt has no flaws.
If fans wrote the fight, still Drizzt would win. Are you noticing a theme here?
My favorite pairing is Olive Rustkettle and Shandril Shessair. It's in my fan-fiction.
Theoretically speaking, about how many gnomes would it take to take control of a 61,558 square foot fortress of classical dwarven architecture manned by 32,029 minotaurs?
Theoretically speaking, about how many gnomes would it take to take control of a 61,558 square foot fortress of classical dwarven architecture manned by 32,029 minotaurs?
12.
These are some BADASS Gnomes.
If a red dragon and a white dragon were to mate, would the result be a pink dragon?
If Drizzt were to die one day, what would be the effect on:
- The forgotten realms world
- The drizzt fans
- You
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Dear M Owls,
I chose 'M' since I'm not sure whether to refer to you as a 'Mr', 'Miss', 'Ms' or 'Mrs'. I desperately hope that 'Mrs' is incorrect. Ahem, uhh ... my question is this: How does one go about getting zombie blood off of one's adventuring gear? It's a damned sticky mess, is what it is. Can't get it off of my armor, my sword, out of my hair or off of my breath. Can you please offer some advice?
Oh, and would you be so kind as to tell me which title I should have used? Is it 'M' or 'Miss' or something else? Thank you.
- The Feather Fetishist
If a red dragon and a white dragon were to mate, would the result be a pink dragon?
Yes, among other such abominations.
If Drizzt were to die one day, what would be the effect on:
- The forgotten realms world
- The drizzt fans
- You
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Drizzt WILL die someday. It is a fact. He can't be a mary-sue forever. Assuming Salvatore is the writer, Demons will run rampart over the material plane, Orcs will rise in power until they are unstoppable, and House Do'Urden will gain more and more influence on the world above. Drizzt fans will be torn between disappointment and grudging acceptance, depending on if he died in a badass manner. I will shed no tear for him. Not now and not of judgement day.
Logically, the Rogue is the one who stole it, but due to the laws of mystery, none of the characters can be discounted.
Dear M Owls,
I chose 'M' since I'm not sure whether to refer to you as a 'Mr', 'Miss', 'Ms' or 'Mrs'. I desperately hope that 'Mrs' is incorrect. Ahem, uhh ... my question is this: How does one go about getting zombie blood off of one's adventuring gear? It's a damned sticky mess, is what it is. Can't get it off of my armor, my sword, out of my hair or off of my breath. Can you please offer some advice?
Oh, and would you be so kind as to tell me which title I should have used? Is it 'M' or 'Miss' or something else? Thank you.
- The Feather Fetishist
For this, I consult traditional southern wisdom. Club Soda gets out pretty much anything.
As for your second question, The subject of my gender is difficult to answer accurately. My being is partially merged with the multi-verse on a sub-sub-atomic level.
How does one go about making a chartreuse dragon?
How does one go about making a chartreuse dragon?
A gold dragon and a green dragon crash over the a magic rune.
... and how does one go about obtaining such a rune?
... and how does one go about obtaining such a rune?
You need to find the wizard La'aluthintralier Mach'zreth and give him like five dollars.
OK *takes notes* ... Where would one, hypothetically, be able to find this wizard?
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Logically, the Rogue is the one who stole it, but due to the laws of mystery, none of the characters can be discounted.
I however disagree, as no one stole the gem it actually fell outside all existence(I know it showed up about 3 ghragnl's ago) due semi-random chance. Not your fault the Other is my specialty.
If I ask more questions that deal with programming a working compiler, will you ignore then out of principle or just make something up treating the whole thing as an extended metaphor for an epic battle between zombie pirates and robot ninjas?
If I ask more questions that deal with programming a working compiler, will you ignore then out of principle or just make something up treating the whole thing as an extended metaphor for an epic battle between zombie pirates and robot ninjas?
Probably just ignore it.
What is most Illithids' opinion concerning Salvador Dali's work? How about Dwarves' and Thri-Kreens'?
Hrm... I suppose I have to supply the metaphor then...
If you have a secret organization, lets call them the... uh... Shadow Thieves of Amn, for example... And you know that they are organized in a tree structure, in which each individual is only aware of and can communicate with their immediate superior, of other individuals of the same rank with the same immediate superiror, and their own subordinates. To get more information on everyone else, they must ask either their superior, one of their subordinates, or one of the people on the same level.
Now, let's say Drizzt wants to kill everyone in this organization. To do so he has to find a way to kill people in order such that he never kills someone before finding out the next person he needs to kill.
What would be the best method for Dizzt to kill everyone in this organization?
What are the chances of a Goblin becoming the next President of the Universe, if He's backed by Pepsi?
Hrm... I suppose I have to supply the metaphor then...
If you have a secret organization, lets call them the... uh... Shadow Thieves of Amn, for example... And you know that they are organized in a tree structure, in which each individual is only aware of and can communicate with their immediate superior, of other individuals of the same rank with the same immediate superiror, and their own subordinates. To get more information on everyone else, they must ask either their superior, one of their subordinates, or one of the people on the same level.
Now, let's say Drizzt wants to kill everyone in this organization. To do so he has to find a way to kill people in order such that he never kills someone before finding out the next person he needs to kill.
What would be the best method for Dizzt to kill everyone in this organization?
He should kill from the lowest tier up. Underlings are easy to intimidate into giving the names of all the high ranking officers they know. Also, since underlings probably will have more than one superior officer, they can give you more names.
What are the chances of a Goblin becoming the next President of the Universe, if He's backed by Pepsi?
It would be a close race. Glubblik will win, but not by a landslide.
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Plenty of things! Become a God, Found a nation, Overthrow a kingdom, create your own private dimension, or apoint yourself a defender of nature and accend to faedom. With limitless power, comes limitless opportunities.
Still waiting for an answer 
...
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Back in the day, there was actually a level called '31st'. It seems to have perished with 3.5...
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Plenty of things! Become a God, Found a nation, Overthrow a kingdom, create your own private dimension, or apoint yourself a defender of nature and accend to faedom. With limitless power, comes limitless opportunities.
Thank you so much for the advice. Becoming a god is a great idea! Im surprised I didnt think of that. Unfortunately all the cooler divine portfolios were already taken so im stuck being the god of spreadable cheeses, but the point is im still a god bwahahaha! Thanx again for the advice.
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Duel wield Longbows.
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Duel wield Longbows.
Wow. That shark from earlier just got submarined again. I think this was actually the only correct answer to be given here. Kudos.
I have a question. Wh?
Wh indeed, sir. Wh indeed.
Dear Owls,
Considering diet and culture, what color differences, if any, can we expect among the feces of Humans, Elves, Orcs, Goblins, Dragonborn, and Dwarves?
Thanks!
signed... Curious in Casablanca
Dear Curious in Casablanca,
Thank you for your question. Interestingly enough, the feces of the races is very similar to their own characteristics. Human feces is average, Elves feces is frail and spindly, Orcs feces is loud and agressive, Goblin feces is dirty and no one likes it, Dragonborn feces has a firey personality, and Dwarf feces is short and drunk.
Are any decent dancers among the illithids?
What makes you squick?
Dear He Whom Flocks With Owls,
I am in love with a beautiful Elven maiden, but I fear my heritage works against me. I am but a Half-Orc, birthed from the forceful interlude between a Human male and a powerful Orc Shamaness. Within my blood runs the lust of battle and the curiosity of the Human mind. More intelligent then Orc, I escaped my brutal kin with many battle scars, and fled on foot to the City. Therein I was taught to read and write, and took an interest in song and dance. I am now but a humble Bard, trained in battle and wit.
I came across this Elven maid during a long wandering through the nearby Forest, and there I found her singing by a Waterfall. Words fail me, my senses stolen, I tripped and scattered brush in all direction. She fled from me. I searched long and hard and know that she lives amoung the Elven clan that resides within the Forest. I am but a Bard, a Half-Orc bardic scholar at that. I am in love with this Elven maid, and I desperately seek your guidance!
Signed,
Singing Alone In Love
Are any decent dancers among the illithids?
Well there's Michael Jackson.
I've said too much.
What makes you squick?
Magical Lubricants.
What are some of the non-combat applications of the grease spell?
Have you ever seen a satyr with a 'fro?
In a fantasy world in which physics takes a hike on a regular basis, is Helium still a non-flammable gas?
Where can I find a uranium katanna?
In a magical world, what color does radiation glow?
If Drizzt got in a fight with Elminster, who would win?
If Greenwood wrote the fight?
If Salvatore wrote the fight?
If the fans wrote the fight?
What's your favorite slash pairing in the Forgotten Realms?
Dear He Whom Flocks With Owls,
I am in love with a beautiful Elven maiden, but I fear my heritage works against me. I am but a Half-Orc, birthed from the forceful interlude between a Human male and a powerful Orc Shamaness. Within my blood runs the lust of battle and the curiosity of the Human mind. More intelligent then Orc, I escaped my brutal kin with many battle scars, and fled on foot to the City. Therein I was taught to read and write, and took an interest in song and dance. I am now but a humble Bard, trained in battle and wit.
I came across this Elven maid during a long wandering through the nearby Forest, and there I found her singing by a Waterfall. Words fail me, my senses stolen, I tripped and scattered brush in all direction. She fled from me. I searched long and hard and know that she lives amoung the Elven clan that resides within the Forest. I am but a Bard, a Half-Orc bardic scholar at that. I am in love with this Elven maid, and I desperately seek your guidance!
Signed,
Singing Alone In Love
Dear Singing Alone in Love,
Your story is a touching tale of love and longing. Here is what you do: It is well know that elves love the arts. Poetry, Painting, Song, and Dance shall be your most potent weapons. Gather yourself and venture out into the forest to find the Elven city, perhaps hireing a ranger to show you the path. At the gates, you are sure to garter an unwelcome reception, as Elven communities are highly gaurded against outsiders (especially Orcs). Now is the time where you must muster every ounce of art in your soul. Pour yourself out onto them. Entreat them to allow you inside to share your art with those who will truly appreciate it, and tell them of your deep love for this unknown elven beauty. Elven hearts are not of stone, and are natural romantics. If they do not admit you entrance, come back every day until they do. Show them your unfaltering love is greater than their resolve.
Once inside, it is a matter of finding the elven woman you seek. If she is as great a singer as you tell, then she will most likely a member of a singing or bardic guild or organization. Track down each and every one you can find, and ask the villagers if they know of the one you described. Hopefully, if perhaps after hours of searching, you will find your Love. She might reccognise you, but if she does not, remind her that it was you who heard her sing at the waterfall, captivated by her beauty. The rest is poetry in motion. Do not falter in your love for her, and she cannot reject you.
My overall advice is simple. Never allow something so trivial as race come between you and true love. Even in lands where racial prejudices cast the longest shadows, you can become a beacon of light and hope for all around you. The road may be hard, but as long as you love each other, you cannot fail.
What are some of the non-combat applications of the grease spell?
Have you ever seen a satyr with a 'fro?
In a fantasy world in which physics takes a hike on a regular basis, is Helium still a non-flammable gas?
Where can I find a uranium katanna?
In a magical world, what color does radiation glow?
If Drizzt got in a fight with Elminster, who would win?
If Greenwood wrote the fight?
If Salvatore wrote the fight?
If the fans wrote the fight?What's your favorite slash pairing in the Forgotten Realms?
The grease spell is one of the most utilitarian spells in the wizard's repertoire. Greasing ramps that lead into a acid pit, greasing the inside of a well that has a Beholder in it, Greasing the inside of a purple worm so that it is easier to escape (theoretical), and so much more. Also if you run out of Pam.
Yes. It was weird.
Helium is only flammable when the wizard tries to take down the enemies' balloon.
The Uranium Katanna can be found in the Tide of Stone mountain range in the chasm of Maws. There you will find the sword piercing the belly of a centuries dead dragon. Upon removing the sword, the skeleton will rise up and battle you.
Radiation has two colors, depending on if it is beneficial. Green Radiation gives you super powers, magically cures wounds, etc., while purple radiation melts your flesh. Here's a fun mnemonic to help you remember: "Green means go, Purple means stay the **** away."
Pre-Spellplague Elminster would win.
If Greenwood wrote the fight, Drizzt would win.
If Salvatore wrote the fight, Drizzt would win, because in Salvatore's books, Drizzt has no flaws.
If fans wrote the fight, still Drizzt would win. Are you noticing a theme here?
My favorite pairing is Olive Rustkettle and Shandril Shessair. It's in my fan-fiction.
Theoretically speaking, about how many gnomes would it take to take control of a 61,558 square foot fortress of classical dwarven architecture manned by 32,029 minotaurs?
Theoretically speaking, about how many gnomes would it take to take control of a 61,558 square foot fortress of classical dwarven architecture manned by 32,029 minotaurs?
12.
These are some BADASS Gnomes.
If a red dragon and a white dragon were to mate, would the result be a pink dragon?
If Drizzt were to die one day, what would be the effect on:
- The forgotten realms world
- The drizzt fans
- You
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Dear M Owls,
I chose 'M' since I'm not sure whether to refer to you as a 'Mr', 'Miss', 'Ms' or 'Mrs'. I desperately hope that 'Mrs' is incorrect. Ahem, uhh ... my question is this: How does one go about getting zombie blood off of one's adventuring gear? It's a damned sticky mess, is what it is. Can't get it off of my armor, my sword, out of my hair or off of my breath. Can you please offer some advice?
Oh, and would you be so kind as to tell me which title I should have used? Is it 'M' or 'Miss' or something else? Thank you.
- The Feather Fetishist
If a red dragon and a white dragon were to mate, would the result be a pink dragon?
Yes, among other such abominations.
If Drizzt were to die one day, what would be the effect on:
- The forgotten realms world
- The drizzt fans
- You
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Drizzt WILL die someday. It is a fact. He can't be a mary-sue forever. Assuming Salvatore is the writer, Demons will run rampart over the material plane, Orcs will rise in power until they are unstoppable, and House Do'Urden will gain more and more influence on the world above. Drizzt fans will be torn between disappointment and grudging acceptance, depending on if he died in a badass manner. I will shed no tear for him. Not now and not of judgement day.
Logically, the Rogue is the one who stole it, but due to the laws of mystery, none of the characters can be discounted.
Dear M Owls,
I chose 'M' since I'm not sure whether to refer to you as a 'Mr', 'Miss', 'Ms' or 'Mrs'. I desperately hope that 'Mrs' is incorrect. Ahem, uhh ... my question is this: How does one go about getting zombie blood off of one's adventuring gear? It's a damned sticky mess, is what it is. Can't get it off of my armor, my sword, out of my hair or off of my breath. Can you please offer some advice?
Oh, and would you be so kind as to tell me which title I should have used? Is it 'M' or 'Miss' or something else? Thank you.
- The Feather Fetishist
For this, I consult traditional southern wisdom. Club Soda gets out pretty much anything.
As for your second question, The subject of my gender is difficult to answer accurately. My being is partially merged with the multi-verse on a sub-sub-atomic level.
How does one go about making a chartreuse dragon?
How does one go about making a chartreuse dragon?
A gold dragon and a green dragon crash over the a magic rune.
... and how does one go about obtaining such a rune?
... and how does one go about obtaining such a rune?
You need to find the wizard La'aluthintralier Mach'zreth and give him like five dollars.
OK *takes notes* ... Where would one, hypothetically, be able to find this wizard?
A gem disappeared in the middle of the night in a tavern in the middle of nowhere. There were five adventurers currently staying there and circumstances made it so that they were the only ones who could have stolen the gem. Which one of them did it? The gnome bard, the halfling rogue, the elf druid, the human wizard or the tiefling cleric?
Logically, the Rogue is the one who stole it, but due to the laws of mystery, none of the characters can be discounted.
I however disagree, as no one stole the gem it actually fell outside all existence(I know it showed up about 3 ghragnl's ago) due semi-random chance. Not your fault the Other is my specialty.
If I ask more questions that deal with programming a working compiler, will you ignore then out of principle or just make something up treating the whole thing as an extended metaphor for an epic battle between zombie pirates and robot ninjas?
If I ask more questions that deal with programming a working compiler, will you ignore then out of principle or just make something up treating the whole thing as an extended metaphor for an epic battle between zombie pirates and robot ninjas?
Probably just ignore it.
What is most Illithids' opinion concerning Salvador Dali's work? How about Dwarves' and Thri-Kreens'?
Hrm... I suppose I have to supply the metaphor then...
If you have a secret organization, lets call them the... uh... Shadow Thieves of Amn, for example... And you know that they are organized in a tree structure, in which each individual is only aware of and can communicate with their immediate superior, of other individuals of the same rank with the same immediate superiror, and their own subordinates. To get more information on everyone else, they must ask either their superior, one of their subordinates, or one of the people on the same level.
Now, let's say Drizzt wants to kill everyone in this organization. To do so he has to find a way to kill people in order such that he never kills someone before finding out the next person he needs to kill.
What would be the best method for Dizzt to kill everyone in this organization?
What are the chances of a Goblin becoming the next President of the Universe, if He's backed by Pepsi?
Hrm... I suppose I have to supply the metaphor then...
If you have a secret organization, lets call them the... uh... Shadow Thieves of Amn, for example... And you know that they are organized in a tree structure, in which each individual is only aware of and can communicate with their immediate superior, of other individuals of the same rank with the same immediate superiror, and their own subordinates. To get more information on everyone else, they must ask either their superior, one of their subordinates, or one of the people on the same level.
Now, let's say Drizzt wants to kill everyone in this organization. To do so he has to find a way to kill people in order such that he never kills someone before finding out the next person he needs to kill.
What would be the best method for Dizzt to kill everyone in this organization?
He should kill from the lowest tier up. Underlings are easy to intimidate into giving the names of all the high ranking officers they know. Also, since underlings probably will have more than one superior officer, they can give you more names.
What are the chances of a Goblin becoming the next President of the Universe, if He's backed by Pepsi?
It would be a close race. Glubblik will win, but not by a landslide.
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Plenty of things! Become a God, Found a nation, Overthrow a kingdom, create your own private dimension, or apoint yourself a defender of nature and accend to faedom. With limitless power, comes limitless opportunities.
Still waiting for an answer ...
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Back in the day, there was actually a level called '31st'. It seems to have perished with 3.5...
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Now that I've finally reached 30th level, what more to life is there?
Plenty of things! Become a God, Found a nation, Overthrow a kingdom, create your own private dimension, or apoint yourself a defender of nature and accend to faedom. With limitless power, comes limitless opportunities.
Thank you so much for the advice. Becoming a god is a great idea! Im surprised I didnt think of that. Unfortunately all the cooler divine portfolios were already taken so im stuck being the god of spreadable cheeses, but the point is im still a god bwahahaha! Thanx again for the advice.
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Duel wield Longbows.
How can I dual class into Ranger/Ranger?
Duel wield Longbows.
Wow. That shark from earlier just got submarined again. I think this was actually the only correct answer to be given here. Kudos.