"I've got so many, so I'll just start with the ones that are truly classic among my group, and if you guys should play along, I'll post more for you."
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Our first story comes from my first real campaign. It revolves around our old friend TJ (who plays the same character every time, Lawful Good Monk, because he's kind of a prick and doesn't want to belittle himself in playing a non-lawful or non-good character). This particular monk, Vash, was his first character, and most of the players were just learning the game.
Our little group comes upon a group of kobolds guarding the entrance to a cave. Vash charges valiantly into the fray, as my character, a sorcerer, not wishing to waste any spells yet, readies his crossbow. All the kobolds pounce on the monk, having basically no other targets. The sorcerer lets loose a bolt, not realizing his attack takes a -4 penalty, due to his target being in melee.
"Oops..." The sorcerer mutters, as the bolt lodges in the monk. Not more than a moment later there is a clattering of the DM's dice and a '20' marks the quick end of Vash.
After clearing out the kobolds, we bury our decapitated friend, as TJ erases one of his feats and scribbles in 'Deflect Arrows', as well as placing Jem as his name. Vash's closest friend, who trained with him, rushes up the path to find the gravesite of Vash. (TJ actually wrote Jem into his background story, he just didn't expect to be using him as a back-up character... Still, one feat change isn't really a new character... >.<)
So, the party accepts Jem as their new ally and wanders into the cave; as Jem wishes to avenge his companion. Jem mutters something about how useless elves are, (I don't remember what prompted this 'joke' out of character, but TJ said something, and the party made a point to the DM that he did not state his comment was out of character, so the DM ruled that it wasn't) within earshot of his two half-elven companions and the elven priestess.
As another group of kobolds challenge the group, Jem bottlenecks them into a small corridor; though three of the little bastards can still reach him, and none of his allies can reach the enemy.
Kisiluwyn, the elven priestess, readies her bow and attempts to fire at the kobolds, hoping her keen elven eye can catch one through the gap between Jem and the wall.
'Thunk...' Nope, looks like Jem can't Deflect Arrows that are being shot from behind either...
"No worries, I can make that shot, the corridor isn't that narrow," the sorcerer claims, firing another shot from his crossbow. 'Thunk...' Jem again, only this time knocking him to the ground.
"Hey, at least they can't shoot you..." The DM snickers. The half-elven bard grabs his crossbow, knowing full-well that he has an open shot now. The skittering of dice, '1'. The DM rolls his dice, "looks like you drop it," another percentile, "and it triggers as it hits the ground."
'Thunk', "Well, I guess they can shoot you..."
"Cleric, I need healing," TJ states, definitely out of character.
"What was that about 'stupid elves'?"
She healed him anyway, but TJ was forever marked the 'Arrow Attracting Monk'. To this day, every one of my players knows that story...
(As an aside, we don't speak to TJ anymore because he just became too much of a prick. We do, however, occasionally see him at conventions. My ex happened to notice him passing her at a convention, while she was playing with a bow (a toy bow, nothing dangerous), which she happened to fire after he passed. Only, she misfired and the arrow flew backwards and hit TJ in the head... :evillaugh)
I could read these type of stories all day!!!
More please!!!!
~~~
Later on, Kisiluwyn, Jem, and their teammates delved further into the kobolds' cave. The sorcerer noticed a hole in the middle of a large cavern, with multiple ropes and pulleys leading below. :lightbulb
The sorcerer placed himself in front of the hole, as his party charged the kobolds. One after another, his allies removed the enemies, but the sorcerer would not move.
Then, the sound of the pulleys, and the image of many kobolds, and a large lizard mount, on an elevator. A burst of flames
tore from the sorcerer's fingers and the elevator went down, killing all the kobolds and crippling the lizard. The party gathered around, after the battle, and peered into the hole. The sorcerer aimed his crossbow at the crippled lizard.
"what are you doing?" Kisiluwyn snapped.
"Killing the enemy's pet..."
"It's not evil... Let it be..."
"No, but it doesn't mean it wasn't trained to do what the kobolds say..."
The argument raged for quite some time.
The DM leans over to Matt (the player of our rogue).
A crossbow bolt strikes the lizard and puts it out of its misery. Kisiluwyn shoots it an angry glare to the rogue.
"God told me to do it..." Matt points to the DM.
I have DM'ed for the same group of siblings and their friends for many years. One player always chose a Dwarf Fighter, and was a bit of a munchkin. Always spent his treasure on magic items to boost his power and played his characters in the same way: semi-ruthless, quasi cowardly always trying to get the most for the least amount of effort/danger to his PC self. He ALWAYS played dwarves as gold-hungry misers.
We were playing The Sunless Citadel, and the PC's had come upon a well, in an orc guardhouse I believe. One of the characters, suspecting a magic well, tossed a Gold piece in and made a wish...
Well Axe Bearer, the dwarf fighter decided to DIVE in after it. The other players were dumbfounded. According to the description, the well was 50' deep... the dwarf plunges in the water after the gold piece... I break out the swimming rules. The well was 5' wide, and the walls of it were slippery... he failed climb checks to try and grab a hold of the side...
Being weighed down with all his equipment, and Plate Armor I believe, he fails his Swim checks and begins to drown...
And so began a titanic 1/2 hour real-time effort into saving the dwarf... he kept failing his swim checks... had to drop his Dwarven Battleaxe... then take off his armor as round after round went by and he kept on sinking... they eventually got him out by tying a rope to another PC who had to swim down, desperately trying to catch up to the sinking dwarf...but by then he had become unconscious (negative HP's)... he had lost his armor and weapon...being 1st level they had no way to retrieve his stuff...and he was barely alive. The sheepish look on his face was priceless!!!
The group creative writer wrote up a humorous portrayal of the event entitled "Dwarfish"... and the story was forever immortalized as a testament to greed.
We were playing an undeath campaign in Eberron in Shadowmath, the necropolis I deemed existed at the base of the mountain closest to Atur, the City of Night. In the necropolis was an arena where Shadowmath's military college held its proving tests, as well as its amusements. My players were Matt, who played a wonderfully selfish-yet-friendly vampire fighter, Joe, who played a friendly vampire fighter, Alecia, who roleplayed a psychopathic rogue ghoul very poorly, TK, who played a human dragon acolyte, and Alex, who played my homebrewed class "Magic Huntsman". They payed to fight a gibbering mouther for a prize if they won.
Alex got the initiative first and began the combat by fumbling and therefore jamming his primitive musket. Joe charged the mouther and Matt flanked it for a near-critical. Alecia also flanked it and missed with her sneak attack after hiding. TK flew up thirty feet into the air and summoned a fiendish scorpion.
"Where do you summon it?"
"Right next to me."
"Okay... the scorpion takes eighteen points of falling damage and is banished back to Avernus."
"Dammit!"
Matt, Joe, and Alecia pressed the attack in the same formation and Alex fumbled again and had to spend another round unjamming his musket. Then TK got it into his head to make a touch attack with a magic missile. He had decided to do this because he had been making really crappy ranged touch attacks in the previous combat. He succeeded on the touch attack.
"Okay, TK, your hand shatters as the balls of force detonate against both the monster's flesh and your own."
"What!? Why? ... dammit."
The mouther double fumbled its balance check and landed atop Matt.
"Get this
ing thing off me!"~ ~ ~
My character, a human tactician (a class I had built with some marshal and bard flavor) and our minotaur barbarian (homebrew campaign, DM allowed one PC to play a minotaur character, with adjusted stats to be no higher than a +1 level adj) are investigating the 'office' of a group of drow we are trying to fight.
Drilzna, a drow rogue with a high Use Magic Device skill (we had fought her twice during this campaign already, and she had proven too tough for us, now we were missing 4 members of our party :allalone
, had an alarm in the room, and used her ring to teleport into the room and dropped a disintegration wall on the door. :surrenderShe had used this disintegration wall trick once before, and so I shot an arrow through the doorway to see if it would disintegrate. Of course, it did.
So... I yell (IC and OOC) to the party members running to aid us, "DON'T GO THROUGH THE DOOR!"
The wizard (Alex) pulling up the rear, rushes straight towards me. I turn (OOC) to him and yell, this time in his face, "DON'T GO THROUGH THE DOOR."
"Roll a new character,"
are the next words to leave the DM's mouth. 
