Hello, first post here on the forums. I created this Paladin Archetype and was hoping I could get some constructive feedback on it. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I truly appreciate it. I'm not exactly looking for 'oh that's really cool, thanks for sharing' type posts, though, I do love positive feedback. I am more looking for 'you know that seems a bit too powerful I would suggest this.' kind of posts.
By all means if you believe this to be balanced, then my work is done and I can start playing.
Anywho, here is what I have. Again I know we are all busy, so, thank you for taking time to look at this for little ol' me.
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Paladin Archetype – The Oath of Balance
The Oath of Balance is the embrace of a life constantly in search of equilibrium, enlightenment, and harmony. They are sometimes called Sōhei, or Yamabushi: Warrior-Monks wearing heavy armor, using strong weapons, and possessing strong spiritual energy called Chakra. Those who swear the Oath of Balance, see the world as a structure of vying wills. When a will becomes too great it threatens the harmony around it, and the oath keepers of balance are there to calm the storm. This type of paladin could be a wise master whom countries send their young monarchs to for a sage-like education and to learn warfare. Or the mysterious warrior-hermit the people of the city know of who makes his or her yearly pilgrimage to ancient temples. Or even an organization of peace-keepers who often become involved in politics for the sake of balance. These warriors adorn their armor with prayer beads, lotus petals as well as symbols of balance and harmony such as scales, the yin yang, or flagons of ale flowing into each other.
Tenants of Balance – The tenants of balance have been passed down by priest and monks for as long as enlightenment has been sought. The precepts may differ from temple to temple or monk to monk, but all speak of harmony and the sought after mastery of self.
Temperance: Deny yourself nothing, but all things must be in moderation. One can neither understand nor maintain balance without having known harmony.
Embrace Humanity: Let your feelings be a part of your life, these are part of the human experience. Letting go of your feelings and mastering the void does not mean to deny or bottle up your feelings or emotions. One must accept their emotions and the karma of them to be able to seek the void.
Karmic Justice: If you see one who has too little, you must help or say a blessing. For those who have too much, you must confront them or say a curse. When imbalance is at its greatest you are called that much more fiercely to end the conflict.
Live and Let Live: Life is precious, do not be the one to start the conflict ending in death. Be the bridge to bring adversaries to harmony. As long as life continues, the path may change and come to harmony. Should you bring death, say a prayer for the one whom you have denied a future.
Respect: Respect all things at all times.
Oath Spells
3 – Detect Thoughts, Hex
5 – Calm Emotions, Ray of Enfeeblement
9 – Counterspell, Remove Curse
13 – Arcane Eye, Blight
17 – Awaken, Commune
Channel Divinity
When you take this oath at 3d level, you gain the following two Channel Divinity options.
Karmic Indignation
You send out a spiritual command to break into the core of each enemy creature’s heart. Each enemy creature that can see or hear you within 30 feet of you must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save the creature falls prone. When the creature stands, the creature makes an additional Wisdom saving throw to steel its resolve and end this ability on it. If it fails the save, it falls prone again. If it saves or takes damage, the effect ends on them. This ability has no effect on undead or constructs.
Order and Chaos
The ground trembles to alter the land around you. Terrain within 30 feet of you becomes difficult terrain. You could make spikes or columns of earth, a wall of wind or hail, heated sand or cooling embers, or a spring of water. Additionally, choose one of the following effects:
· Earth: Unattended items affected by the terrain are buried.
· Fire: Unattended items affected by the terrain catch on fire.
· Water: Unattended items affected by the terrain get damp.
· Air: Unattended items affected by the terrain are blown 5 feet away.
Chakra Surge
At level 7, you are able to focus your inner energy to perform extraordinary physical feats even while heavily armored. As a bonus action, until the end of your turn, your speed increases by 10 feet and any movement over vertical surfaces and liquids is permitted without falling during the move. Movement over liquids such as water, acid, mud, snow, quicksand, or lava are permissible though creatures crossing molten lava can still take damage from the heat. Alternatively as a bonus action, you can expend 5 feet of movement to stand up. You may use this feature a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier per long rest.
Recurrent Force
At level 15, your dedication to mastering your inner powers and maintaining balance has allowed your spirit to be felt by those around you and may also act as a weapon. Your aura can take some harmful effects and send them back at your attackers. When you or an ally within 10 feet is pushed, slid, or knocked prone by a creature you can see, you may knock prone, push, or slide that creature. You may choose the direction they go but it must be the same distance or shorter. Gargantuan creatures may roll a saving throw against wisdom to avoid this affect.
At 18th level the aura increases to 30 feet.
Heavenly Demon
At the 20th level, you can assume the form of a Heavenly Demon. The form of the heavenly demon is the perfect harmony of demonic and holy forces: you take on an appearance you choose. For example, you could possibly grow white beast hair which flows out from under armor, or you could grow an insect carapace, grow demon horns, black feathers or extra eyes or even be engulfed by a spiritual fire. Using your action, you undergo a transformation. For 1 minute you gain the following benefits.
· You can use the Chakra Surge ability without expending a use as a free action on each of your turns. Additionally, when you use your Chakra Surge, your speed increases by an additional 10 feet (20).
· Whenever you or an ally within your Recurrent Force Aura is damaged by a creature, that creature takes 15 necrotic damage or 15 radiant damage (your choice).
Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.
The recurring save on Karmic Indignation seems clunky and perhaps a bit unnecessary. Order and Chaos is cool, but I'm having a little trouble connecting some of the elements to the effect (ae: How does heat make it difficult to move?). Chakra surge is really stepping on the monk's toes, but I think there's room to adjust it into something a bit more unique. Recurrent Force, which is my favorite ability thematically, has some ambiguity mechanically and could use some tightening up. Heavenly Daemon I like as an idea, but I'm not liking the actual ability. Possibly because it's simply improving two features, so it doesn't seem very fresh, and possibly because I'm not in love with those features in the first place.
I'd recommend a bit of tweaking to tighten up the mechanics, make it a bit more unique, and maybe unify the theme a bit more.
If.you'd like more specific feedback and suggestions, send me a pm or submit it at my site and I'd be happy to help out.