Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 demon_idol Sep 13, 2014 17:43:43	Your bard is going to cast 'Vicious Mockery'. What is actually said? Post good vicious mockeries, both derived and created.   Here are some derived from my 'Insults of Shakespeare' coffee mug:   "Thou bolting hutch of beastliness!"   "Thou mountain of mad flesh!"   "Thou long tongued babbling gossip! Not so much brain as ear wax!"   "Thou lump of foul deformity who encompasses all of the foul infections that the sun sucks up. Thou art a boil, a plague sore!"   "You rampallian! You fustilarian!"   "Lewdly inclined, beetle headed, flap=ear'd knave!"   "Look it is the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth!"
#2 wills2009 Sep 13, 2014 17:53:14	http://www.sciencedump.com/sites/www.sciencedump.com/files/9ec96d83da787e22f1c959c4ce5dacfb.jpg   Have fun
#3 Undrhil Sep 13, 2014 18:09:21	When facing goblins:  "Your mother is a Kobold!"   When facing anyone else: "Your mother is a Goblin!"
#4 Yunru Sep 13, 2014 18:17:46
#5 demon_idol Sep 13, 2014 19:22:59	More Shakespeare:   I know you for a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deny the least syllable of thy addition.
#6 philipnicholls Sep 13, 2014 23:37:16	your grandmother drives the pickle cart your sister wear hobnail boots   apologies to Porky Pig
#7 Lord_Ventnor Sep 14, 2014 1:04:50	This clip should provide several lines.
#8 Noon Sep 14, 2014 1:48:37	Just go to the 'Drow only in my campaign' thread and then add the choice words writers may have avoided using. I mean, that thread went for ages, so there's alot of material. Which was general mockery rather than anything more than 'I don't like you not liking something'.
#9 demon_idol Sep 14, 2014 7:01:29	To a male elf:  "floppy eared lack-arrow"   To a dwarf: "crumbling clod of half dried dragon dung"   To a red dragon: "a tepid bedwarmer, shaped by a lewd gnome and recently soiled by an incontinent dog."
#10 Jay_Ibero_911 Sep 14, 2014 7:45:46	I like the idea of using refluffed bits from Weird Al's Sports Song: "Our stats are thoroughly impressive Our leader really has the Midas touch Our heroes are fast and strong and brave And your guys, eh, not so much"
#11 DSZ Sep 14, 2014 9:25:55	To a hairy Dwarf: Your mother got involved with a bear in a cold winter night.
#12 gideonpepys Sep 14, 2014 11:07:05	How about something simple like 'arsecandle'?
#13 demon_idol Sep 14, 2014 18:50:46	To a rival bard's singing:   I hear the cacaphonous cries of some piss-a-bed man-child.   A good fall back:   Thou pustulent, malodorous wad of dragon-snot.
#14 BRJN Sep 15, 2014 18:34:52	More Shakespeare:   The enemy gets to go first but misses: "What do I think of THAT?  Scorn.  Derision.  Slight regard."   The Bard goes right before the Fighter: "Cry havoc!  And unleash the dogs of war!"   From Excalibur, Because it's just overall awesome: "An nall nathrock!  Oothvas bethod!  Doch'hel dienvae!"  (Spoken as did Morgana, not Merlin.)   The enemy is based on ISIS jihadis: "Did you have bacon for breakfast ?!"
#15 demon_idol Sep 18, 2014 20:41:18	To a hill giant:   It is indeed some cumbersome wee mallet that has not the strength to heft its club-- which appears as a wilted twig in its fat hand.
#16 FaerieGodfather Sep 19, 2014 2:19:57	This wasn't a 5e game, or even a D&D game at all, but I used this in a Dresden Files game with my half-dragon character:   "Iscariel, Queen of Ravens, the Bane of Gomorrah. One would think that even a third-rate impersonation of Uriel such as yourself could have seen what was right under her nose."   (Said character was a young teenager who had been under her institutional care for over a decade without her realizing.)
#17 Zardnaar Sep 19, 2014 3:58:21	I can't really repeat the ones my players use but in involves various bodily orifaces and usually something like Ogres and the NPCs parents or parentage.
#18 Andron Sep 19, 2014 9:55:02	Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
#19 demon_idol Sep 20, 2014 17:51:33	To Orcs: Long toothed, low browed, grunted tongues.
#20 BRJN Sep 20, 2014 20:12:56	"You will go down in the history books.  In a footnote.  Maybe"   "As I am a Bard, now all the world shall know just how good you are in a fight."   The enemy gains its power from the Divine: "Did you learn that from -insert name of dead god here- ?"   After surviving enemy's alpha strike: "I ... AM ... LAZARUS !"   Facing magic-user: "I've seen better spells from an Apprentice."
#21 tearic Oct 09, 2014 0:17:08	For that skald who delivers a cutting word more scathing than any sword stroke:   There's not a dry pant-leg to be found among you or your wallowing cohort. Crow-fodder and sword-slaker I name you. Axe-biter and pin-cushion and blood-fountain. Your innards shall be the feast of maggots, and such blood of yours shall we spill upon this ground that passing stirges shall suck at the dirt tens years hence. A rat-snack you are, or would be but the poor vermin might vomit up your corpse-morsels finding them so perfused with craven humours.   We shan't bother to bury you as the earth herself should refuse to embrace you.   You are but a putrescent pustule upon the ass of your race. Your mother was so foul that you were sired only for the want of a sheep. What’s that? You have brothers? Then your mother must have laid waste to the flocks for miles around that your father could not find the solace of a ewe.
#22 IxidorRS Oct 09, 2014 7:05:07	wills2009 wrote:
#23 awaken_D_M_golem Oct 09, 2014 14:39:04	Orcs:   "2 Orcs walk into a bar, then 1 Orc walks out.  What happened? ... You STUPID Orc, 1 Orc walked out of the bar !!"
#24 IxidorRS Oct 09, 2014 20:51:23	You call that a knife?
#25 awaken_D_M_golem Oct 12, 2014 13:25:14	Beholder:   "Yo' mama's a Gibbering Mouther mudball !"   (sing song voice) "Monodrones are cuter. Monodrones are cuter."   "You talk like a Gas Spore, and you think like one too."
#26 paulstrait Oct 12, 2014 20:21:32	Our warlock viciously mocked a flameskull about its loss of a certain appendage...  It rolled a 1, so I suppose it had a flashback of an ex-lover (an old flame, if you will).
#27 BRJN Oct 13, 2014 6:17:08	More Shakespeare:   When you have an evening, watch the Kenneth Branaugh / Emma Thompson version of Much Ado About Nothing.  Their characters spend most of the play insulting each other very cleverly.  Take notes.
#28 BRJN Oct 15, 2014 7:35:50	To a tiefling:   Your family tree is firmly rooted in ... the Abyss.
#29 awaken_D_M_golem Oct 15, 2014 15:39:53	Pentadrone:   Your "mother" is a Schrödinger's Box.     (note: it's the air quotes around mother, that's really insulting to a Pentadrone)
#30 ZHDarkstar Oct 15, 2014 22:00:41	Dwarf to Dwarf: "Your grandmother had a bigger beard than those wispy goblin hairs on your chin!" (best delivered drunkenly)   To Half-orc Bard: "Your mother's so ugly, there's a reason your father is Stevie Wonder."