Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 SterlingRat Apr 20, 2015 4:55:34	I am not a moron, but I play one in D&D.   Anyway... when I was making the character, I was coming off a long stint of DMing and I didn't want to think - just blindly chase the next adventure and try to help all the commoners and children and puppies and do a little butt-kicking for goodness! So my backstory is that I have been raised by the Order of the Gauntlet ever since they made me an orphan at about 1 year old (My parents were Very Bad People.) I was made a ward of a Paladin that had lost his leg fighting a demon my parents had summoned... he was depressed about how much he had lost and blamed it all on bad luck, so Tymora stepped in and ordered him to take care of me rather than blaming her.    So my younger years with my mentor were very much Action Hero Babysitter and maybe a little sprinkle of another trope or two, and I grew up mostly at Paladin School   But I am playing that kid after he's grown up and out on his own. My teachers all like me and my mentor likes me, but I'm just not the brightest star in the sky. So they gave me rules to follow in the "real" world of D&D adventuring. I would like to get them up to a round number... here's what I have so far:   1) Listen to and trust in gods (and the DM is god). Do not take any action or make any decision until the gods are finished speaking.  2) Never split up the party.  3) The statue is never just a statue. (At best it's a decoy so you will later ignore the other statue that will come to life and try to kill you) 4) Someone will have to pull the lever/push the button eventually. Save time by not arguing about it; just get ready for whatever follows. 5) Always find the journal, letter or diary that explains the bad guy's evil plan. Bad guys are notoriously neurotic about writing down their evil plan and saving letters with instructions from their boss. 6) Never leave a closed door behind you. Search everywhere before moving on.  7) If you want to do research, go to the library and talk to a sage. If you just want someone to tell you what's going on, go to the tavern and talk to the bartender. 8) When dealing with an area of magical darkness, don't put anything in that you might want back. This goes double for the dark orb in the mouth of green grinning demon heads.  9) Always set a watch.  10) If you don't know what choice is right, choose what's left 11) There is Evil 'round every corner, be careful not to step in any.  12) Go for the eyes! 13) Don't start a fight without every available option. Have a big weapon for swinging and a small weapon for throwing; have something that crushes, stabs and slashes; keep a bow handy and never, ever go anywhere without your shield. 14) Trust the specialists.  15) Always bring extra water and rations; a hungry animal may not be evil, but it may still be deadly. (Edit: added Rule #9-15)   Feel free to add any more. He is going to engrave them on the inside of his shield so he never forgets them.
#2 Imaculata Apr 20, 2015 5:17:19	We have a rule in our group that has been passed along for so long, that many of us have forgotten why it existed in the first place.   "Never go right!"   I was playing a rogue, and me and the party came upon a dungeon, where we could go either left or right. I explained that if we kept following the right wall, it would eventually lead us to the exit. Upon taking the first right turn, we were immediately attacked by vampire bats, and as we fleed back to the entrance we yelled out "NEVER GO RIGHT!".
(Reply to #2) AaronOfBarbaria	Imaculata wrote:
#4 QwertyAzerty Apr 20, 2015 11:09:15	Never listen to X.   At my table we got a player (let's call him Johny) Everytime Johny says something, it somehow lead to a TPK. We get in a maze we can go left or right. If Johny say to go left we all go right. If Johny say to go right then we go left. If Johny says to go left or right, then we run in the wall (and oddly enought, the wall was an illusion)   If Johny says to attack the red dragon, then we start talking with the dragon and the dragon became my mount.   If johny says to have watchguard, we make sure we do not have any watch (and we avoided a group of monster that detect conscious creature, since we were all unconscious (sleeping) the monster ignored us.   So yes, ALWAYS ignore Johny
#5 CCS Apr 20, 2015 15:58:35	Be prepared! In particular, take both a melee weapon and a ranged weapon with you. Yes, even if you aren't as skilled with one of them as you are the other. Don't be that idiot on the team who stands there claiming he has no options against flying foes....
#6 BRJN Apr 20, 2015 16:28:44	CCS wrote:
#7 BRJN Apr 20, 2015 16:35:13	If something is Magic, ask the Wizard about it. If something is a thing of the Gods, ask the Cleric about it. If something is not-Natural, ask the Druid about it. If something is trying to beat you up, hit it with a big stick (or blade). If something is trying to eat you, feed it some Rations as a snack.      If something is still trying to eat you, RUN FORREST RUN. If something is Hidden ... how did you find it to ask?
#8 SterlingRat Apr 20, 2015 17:36:48	CCS wrote:
#9 FunkySpunk Apr 20, 2015 21:44:50	"There is Evil 'round every corner, be careful not to step in any."
#10 Regin_Vargtass Apr 21, 2015 0:20:02	My dim-witted paladin had a very good plan for every situation. It always started with him charging in ... Hilarity ensued!
(Reply to #6) CCS	BRJN wrote:
#12 BRJN Apr 24, 2015 18:43:45	SterlingRat wrote:
#13 awaken_D_M_golem Apr 28, 2015 15:34:32	Historical aside ... 1e Intelligence was:  # * 10 = I.Q. Assuming that, an Int of 8 = 80 I.Q. While most people on the internet, would never admit to such a number, you already know better.   There's a thing called the Flynn Effect. People are getting smarter over the last century, possibly due to better nutrition. Party like it's eighteen ninty nine, and you've got a room full of illiterates with 80 iqs.   But illiterate with an iq of 80 is nothing to sneeze at. A scraggly army composed of such, can make giant Empire things like: Mongolian = biggest British = widest Spanish = 2/3rds of Americas Alexander's = "the" known world Roman = repeat the various dynasties of China, etc   And even Empire things not well literally documented at their time, like Aztec Maya  Inca Zimbabwe ancient Chinese proto-Iranian expansion into India Mohenjo Daro     So yeah IQ 80 = dangerously smart Orc. EDIT --- a word is covered so I'll edit an off proto-name