Purpose: This thread is designed to to showcase a different kind of optimized build - the ones that provide ridiculous mental images. This is where we should see the ridiculous Monkey Grip abusers weilding 40 ft. swords with only 20 ft. reach, or clown-rogues stealing their own pants without noticing. If thinking of the character makes you burst out in snickers, it belongs here.
The Radical Taoist's submission:
The Dancing Bear
Advancing cautiously, several hunters corner a bear, gripping their spears tightly and readying for the kill. All of a sudden, the roaring animal throws itself onto a handstand off its front paws, and goes into a breakdancing routine. The hunters stare in confusion as it rips their limbs off in the middle of a windmill.
Progression - Feats
- Barbarian 1 - Extra Rage
- Barbarian 2
- Rogue 1 - Whatever you want
- Rogue 2
- Rogue 3
- Thief-Acrobat 1 - Dive for Cover
- Thief-Acrobat 2
- Thief-Acrobat 3
- Thief-Acrobat 4 - Power Attack
- Bear Warrior 1
- Bear Warrior 2
- Bear Warrior 3 - Whatever you want
- Bear Warrior 4
- Bear Warrior 5
- Bear Warrior 6 - Whatever you want
- Bear Warrior 7
- Bear Warrior 8
- Bear Warrior 9 - Whatever you want
- Bear Warrior 10
- Thief-Acrobat 5
Why it's optimized: You tell me - I've got a potent combatant and trapscout with almost completely free feat selection and can be done in any race of your choice (though I'd recommend a Human with Able Learner myself). I only chose Extra Rage so you're not stuck with one rage a day for more than half your career, and Dive for Cover since it synergizes with the Thief Acrobat's Kip Up ability to give you double the chances on all your Reflex saves. The strength bonuses available to a Bear Warrior will allow for lovely Jump and Climb checks. A go-anywhere-fight-anything build is entirely possible. The only glaring combat weaknesses are a low Will save and difficulty with DR, and there are ways around these, such as using those feats for soulmelds or ToB maneuvers (such as Mountain Hammer).
Why it's funny: Alright then, with a straight face, please envision a grizzly bear doing backflips, running Matrix-esque up walls, and jacknifing from roof to roof like Spider-Man.
All other submissions welcome!
Warforged Bard 1/Crusader 19
1: Adamantine Body
3: Extra Granted Maneuver
6: Power Attack
9: Song of the White Raven
The rest is free.
Why is it optimized? Free full plate early on, DR/2 adamantine+4 inspire courage bonus 1/day, all the fun things Crusaders normally get. Granted, level 1 will be positively horrible for him, but once he hits 3, he has the fun Energizer Bunny crusader effect.
Why is it funny? Bardic music.
They call me Gato
I have metal joints
Beat me up
And earn 15 Silver Points
HaikenEdge's submission
The Ringmaster
A little man stands in the middle of a tent. Crowds of people gather outside, milling around as they try to get inside to see what happening. When the tent's flap is lifted, it's almost as if the floodgates have opened, and a massive wave of sentients flood into the tent, quickly filling up the vast spaces set up just for them.
In a booming voice, the little man begins his well-rehearsed speech: "Ladies, and gentlemen, children of all ages..."
Strongheart Halfling Bard 1/Telepath 5/Thrallherd 1/Virtuoso 3/Lyric Thaumaturge 2/Cerebremancer 7/Sublime Chord 1
Progression & Feats
- Bard 1 - Extra Music, (Melodic Casting)
- Telepath 1 - (Psicrystal Affinity)
- Telepath 2 - Inquisitor
- Telepath 3
- Telepath 4
- Telepath 5 - (Expanded Knowledge [control object]), whatever you want
- Thrallherd 1
- Virtuoso 1
- Virtuoso 2 - Whatever you want
- Virtuoso 3
- Lyric Thaumaturge 1
- Lyric Thaumaturge 2 - (Captivating Melody), whatever you want
- Cerebremancer 1
- Cerebremancer 2
- Sublime Chord 1 - Whatever you want
- Cerebremancer 3
- Cerebremancer 4
- Cerebremancer 5 - Whatever you want
- Cerebremancer 6
- Cerebremancer 7
And the crowd goes wild!Bard5/Mindbender 1/Bard 2/Waverider 1/Stormsinger 10/Bard 1
Rides a Cachalot Whale, Sings about the environment, and occasionally shoot lighting at people. Because of the share spells ability and an once per day item of overland flight (5x12x1800)/5 = 21,600
As well as telepathy and mindsight. It’s a Flying aquaman.
Nothing like a flying sperm whale leaping through flaming hoops to excite a croud.
Am I the only who's thinking Gato from Chrono Trigger with that warforged build?
Not anymore. Thanks for the idea!
The Human Torch
At first, the people passing by didn't think much of him. After all, he was nothing more than a normal, if slightly crazed-looking, man. However, once a crowd began to gather, he smiled a strange smile and retrieved a scrap of paper from his pocket.
Suddenly, the paper exploded into flames; amid cries of surprise, the man opened his mouth and stuffed the blazing parchment down his throat, swallowing it. Momentarily, his eyes were squeezed closed. Then, he threw his head back, spitting forth an impressive gout of flames, transforming a pile of kindling into a bonfire. Once he finished, he bowed gracefully to the crowd, which applauded loudly. Yet, his face began to contort, and moments later, he bursted into flames. Following the spontaneous human combustion, he began to dance. On air. And the bonfire's taken the shape of a humanoid and is dancing too.
Human Bard 1/Wilder 4/Cerebremancer 8/Sublime Chord 1/Pyrokineticist 6
Progression & Feats
- Bard 1 - (Able Learner), Precocious Apprentice [Scorching Ray]
- Wilder 1
- Wilder 2 - Practiced Manifester
- Wilder 3
- Wilder 4
- Cerebremancer 1 - Craft Wondrous Item
- Cerebremancer 2
- Cerebremancer 3
- Cerebremancer 4 - Whatever you want
- Cerebremancer 5
- Cerebremancer 6
- Sublime Chord 1 - Whatever you want
- Pyrokineticist 1
- Pyrokineticist 2
- Pyrokineticist 3 - Whatever you want
- Pyrokineticist 4
- Pyrokineticist 5
- Pyrokineticist 6 - Whatever you want
- Cerebremancer 7
- Cerebremancer 8
Something to Dismember Me By
Monk 10/Kensai 10 (Could be better, but you get the idea.)
Feats of Note:
Versatile Unarmed Strike, Throw Anything
Equipment of Note:
Glove of Taarnahm the Vigilant (PGtF)
What the Hell is Going On Here?
First of all, the important thing to note is that this character's feet, hands, head, elbows, and knees are all +1 Masterslaying Fleshgrinding Tentacle weapons. (Plus whatever other abilities might seem worth adding; Exit Wound could be nice.)
As Throw Anything doesn't make any mention of unarmed strikes not being valid targets for its use, this character throws all of his extremities at an unfortunate target when he attacks. Versatile Unarmed strike allows Fleshgrinding to work, meaning that all of the thrown extremities can start to burrow into the target.
On the target's round, the victim can either continue to take damage or make Strength checks to rip out the offending limbs.
When the monk's turn comes up again, he can move and attack like normal (since nothing says otherwise, and monks can attack with any part of the body) even though he's just a torso. If the opponent happens to be holding any of the limbs at this period, the monk activates the Masterslaying ability of said limb. In this case, the limb automatically gets a critical hit, begins to grind again, and the opponent must make a Fortitude save or have their brain removed.
Yep, I think that's about as odd as things get.
Gato ftw, very funny. :P
You're a bit worried about this next show. The previous audience has just run out screaming and crying for various deities and maternal units. Upon entering the funhouse, though, you only find one man who greets you with a charismatic grin.
Race: Kalashtar
Progression - Feats
- Kalashtar Telepath 1 - Quori Dread
- Telepath 2
- Kalashtar Telepath 3 - Iron Will
- Telepath 4
- Telepath 5 - Insidious Terror
- Quori Nightmare 1 - Narrow Mind
- Quori Mindhunter 1
- Quori Mindhunter 2
- Quori Mindhunter 3 - Psionic Meditation
- Quori Mindhunter 4
- Quori Mindhunter 5
- Quori Mindhunter 6 - Psicrystal Affinity
- Quori Nightmare 2
- Quori Nightmare 3
- Quori Nightmare 4 - Psicrystal Containment
- Quori Nightmare 5
- Quori Mindhunter 7
- Quori Mindhunter 8 - Burrowing Power
- Quori Mindhunter 9
- Quori Mindhunter 10
The Telepath sub levels and the Quori Nightmare are from Races of Eberron. The Quori Mindhunter is from Magic of Eberron. Quori Dread and Insidious Terror are from Secrets of Sarlona. The rest is all SRD.
Why it's optimized: Near-full manifesting progression with better HD and BAB, and a lot of nifty synergies. You enjoy bonuses to your fear effects and other telepathy powers from a number of little features; Demoralize is one power you absolutely must take. Others include the Dream Lock powers from Secrets of Sarlona, as well as Induce Awe, Project Quori Spirit, and Waking Dreams from Magic of Eberron; don't forget the staples for a telepath specialist (a la Ego Whip) and some stuff for the mindless monsters. You may possibly even consider the normally useless Primal Fear from Complete Psionic (not so useless with a 6th level power DC for one power point).
Why it's funny: Going more for scary here; calling up various quori through walls with Burrowing Power and having uber fear effects make you quite the terror.
"Pardon me again, but just keep your eyes on the audience and your mind on the fight. Don't mind me setting this tripwire right here. Now, if you'd kindly step a bit to the left - perfect! The crowd's loving it! Sorry about your lungs by the way."
Race: Whisper Gnome (from Races of Stone)
Progression - Feats
- Factotum 1 - Font of Inspiration
- Factotum 2
- Factotum 3 - Fade into Violence (PHB II)
- Factotum 4
- Factotum 5
- Combat Trapsmith 1 - Ability Focus: Combat Trapping
- Combat Trapsmith 2
- Combat Trapsmith 3
- Combat Trapsmith 4 - Shadow Striker (PHB II)
- Combat Trapsmith 5
- Factotum 6
- Factotum 7 - Font of Inspiration
- Factotum 8
- Factotum 9
- Factotum 10 - Font of Inspiration
- Factotum 11
- Factotum 12
- Factotum 13 - Font of Inspiration
- Factotum 14
- Factotum 15
The Factotum is from Dungeonscape. The Combat Trapsmith is from Complete Scoundrel.
Why it's optimized: Max Int like no one's business, followed by Dex, and you've got a very solid offense in the Combat Trapsmith's traps. By level 10, you're dropping them all with the equivalent saves of 7th level spells. However, what makes the Stage Crew great is his ability to do this out of the way and not bother the show - even when directly in the way.
Both Fade Into Violence and Shadow Striker grant the Stage Crew member abilities that force foes to ignore them if there's an ally of the crewmember available to fight. These abilities depend on not targeting anyone with weapons or spells - and the combat trapping ability of the Combat Trapsmith requires neither!
So, while an incredibly stealthy Whisper Gnome Combat Trapsmith can hide the normal way and litter the battlefield with nasty surprises, this guy can literally do it in front of the enemy's noses after making the right Hide or Bluff checks. This is on top of all the great Factotum stuff you get anyways (note that the Factotum's Arcane Dilettante should get you access to Craft (Alchemy) and thus a lot of the cool traps that require ranks in that skill). In addition, it's a powerful trapscout basis. The Font of Inspiration feats are mostly overkill, though. Feel free to switch them out for others that grant you advantages in the trapscout role - such as Darkstalker to better fool those audiences with blindsense. Whisper Gnome was chosen for the amazing stealth bonuses.
Why it's funny: It's rather silly to imagine a mild-mannered looking gnome setting up a deadly combat trap right at the feet of a skilled combatant who blatantly ignores him in favor of any different foe. Technically, even critters summoned from a Bag of Tricks would get priority over attacking a Stage Crew member if the right skill checks were made. Hell, if a Large was fighting with a Large enemy at reach, the Stage Crew Gnome could literally set up a trap right between them!
"I can't bear to watch this", mina tinkins told her hubby
"I am watchin it for the 50th time an i still cannae tell how he does it" says burko the drunk dwarf
The stage is set, a man is put in a cage after being bound with chains.He's smiling
"Why the feck is he smiling, he's gonna die ain't he" - gojo the half-orc says
A dozen gnomes set lots of alchemist fire and various explosives, firecrackers and other explosive substances around the cage
"Now ladies and gentlemen, watch as we blow MR:Elworth up"
"Now mr:gawthorne"
Gawthorne a mystic theurge, shoots a fireball into the explosive laden stage
BOOM!
Screams and gasps fill the circus tent
The stage is filled with smoke and burning fires.Gawthorne casts gust of wind and quench to clear up the smoke and put out the fires
And there he is "Mr:Elworth", completely intact and unhurt.Not a burn or wound
Cheers and claps fill the circus tent
Mr:ELWORTH
Show
somethingx/Jade phoenix mage10 - The whole trick is made possible by emerald immolation from jpm10, readied action to use it once the fireball hits the explosives [just roll with it, okay 
]
] When the monk's turn comes up again, he can move and attack like normal (since nothing says otherwise, and monks can attack with any part of the body) even though he's just a torso.
I think we should calls this guy the Black Knight
Show
Arthur: You Fight with the strength of many men Sir knight. [Pause] I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [Pause] I seek the finest and bravest knights to join me in my court at Camelot. [Pause] You have proved yourself worthy, will you join me? [Pause] You make me sad, so be it, come Patsy.
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you shall die.
Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move... for no man.
Arthur: So be it!
[rounds of melee, with Arthur cutting off the left arm of the black knight.]
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch?! Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't.
Arthur: Well, what's that then? [Pointing to the knight's arm lying on the ground.]
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on then, you pansy! [Charges Arthur, who chops the knight's remaining arm off.]
Arthur: Victory is mine! [kneels and starts to pray...] We thank thee Lord, that in thy — [is kicked in the head by the armless knight.]
Black Knight: Come on then!
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you! [Kicks Arthur]
Arthur: You are indeed brave, good Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oooohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard! You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!!!
Black Knight: It's only a flesh wound. [Continues to kick and taunt Arthur]
Arthur: Stop that!
Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg. [Receives a very sharp kick] RIGHT! [Chops off one of the black knight's legs]
Black Knight: Right! I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll what?
Black Knight: Come here!
Arthur: What are you going to do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!!!
Arthur: You're a looney.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. [Hopping on one leg towards King Arthur]
[Arthur chops his other leg off, leaving his body upright on the ground.]
Black Knight: Alright, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Patsy!
Black Knight: Oh, oh I see. Running away, eh?! You yellow bastards!!! Come back here and take what's coming to you!!! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!!!
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: None shall pass.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you shall die.
Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move... for no man.
Arthur: So be it!
[rounds of melee, with Arthur cutting off the left arm of the black knight.]
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch?! Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't.
Arthur: Well, what's that then? [Pointing to the knight's arm lying on the ground.]
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on then, you pansy! [Charges Arthur, who chops the knight's remaining arm off.]
Arthur: Victory is mine! [kneels and starts to pray...] We thank thee Lord, that in thy — [is kicked in the head by the armless knight.]
Black Knight: Come on then!
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you! [Kicks Arthur]
Arthur: You are indeed brave, good Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oooohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard! You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!!!
Black Knight: It's only a flesh wound. [Continues to kick and taunt Arthur]
Arthur: Stop that!
Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg. [Receives a very sharp kick] RIGHT! [Chops off one of the black knight's legs]
Black Knight: Right! I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll what?
Black Knight: Come here!
Arthur: What are you going to do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!!!
Arthur: You're a looney.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. [Hopping on one leg towards King Arthur]
[Arthur chops his other leg off, leaving his body upright on the ground.]
Black Knight: Alright, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Patsy!
Black Knight: Oh, oh I see. Running away, eh?! You yellow bastards!!! Come back here and take what's coming to you!!! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!!!
TINY BLENDER!
1. Take a Grig (tiny sprite) or any other very small sentient creature. "Tiny" appears to be the smallest possible size you can get down to, sadly.
2. Make your new character a barbarian.
3. Get these feats: Monkey Grip, Improved Monkey Grip and all the ones needed for multiweapon combat.
4. Purchase Wings of Flying (the magical artifact). Equip them.
5. Have another magic-user cast Reduce Person and then Permanency at a cost of 3050 gold. This does not break the possible cost you can pay someone to cast spells on you, because Reduce Person and Permanency are two separate (and could arguably be casted by different mages). This drops you down to Diminutive. Reduce Person cannot stack with itself or any other shrinking spell.
6. Gain extra arms one way or another. Either through grafts, or anything. Doesn't matter.
7. Dual-wield medium sized axes in two hands (thus granting full cover and a 1.5x strength bonus, regardless of your actual size, along with an unfortunate -2 to attack).
For giggles you can make your character half-fiendish or any other things. Congratulations! You are now a tiny speck in the air handling axes that blurr around and cut people.
Psion (Telepath) 20.
Important Feats: Expanded Knowledge (Astral Seed), Expanded Knowledge (Metamorphosis), Expanded Knowledge (Control Object).
Important Powers Known: Detect Thoughts, Metamorphosis, Mind Switch, Astral Seed, Psychic Chirurgery, Mindlink, Control Objects, Touchsight.
Why it's Optimised: A full manifester in what is generally considered the most powerful psionic specialty. In addition, the machine has hardness, an immunity to fortitude save effects, and is immortal.When threatened, he/she can Metamorphose into a Slaughterstone Eviscerator and dish out death, or simply Mind Crush/Ego Whip people from "hiding".
Why it's Funny: Using T_G's Sandwich Psion technique, this psion has adopted the form of a fortune-telling machine. When the coin is inserted, the psion uses Detect Thoughts to find out what the person wants to hear, then uses Control Object to grab the most appropriate fortune and push it out the slot.
Race: Human
Build: Psywarrior 20
Feats:
1. Inhuman Reach, (Illithid Heritage), (Aberration Blood
2. (Illithid Skin)
3. Deepspawn
5. (Illithid Grapple)
6. Starspawn
8. (Illithid Grapple)
9. Waterspawn
11. (Illithid Grapple)
12. Bestial Hide
14. (Illithid Grapple)
15. Inhuman Vision
17. (Illithid Extraction)
18. Warped Mind
20. (Illithid Legacy)
Grafts:
Darksight Eyes: 60ft Darkvision
Grabbing Tentacle: +5ft reach, Improved Grab
Climbing Legs: 15ft movement (as slippers of spider climbing)
Grasping Mandibles: 2d6 bite attack, Improved Grab
Antennae Graft: 60ft Tremorsense
Important Powers: Expansion, Grip of Iron, Extend Reach, Form of Doom
Freak Qualities:
Antennae coupled with inch-long sholder/arm hair (Antennae Graft= 60ft Tremorsense)
Large, Pupilless eyestalks (Darksight Eyes, Inhuman Vision= Darkvision 100ft, Spot +8)
Chitinous Mandibles (Grasping Mandibles, Grabbing Tentacle, Inhuman Reach= 2d6 bite, 15ft Reach, Improved Grab)
4 purplish tentacles longer than the body (Illithid Grapple*4, Illithid Extraction, Inhuman Reach, Grabbing Tentacle= 15ft reach, 1d4 tentacles, with Improved Grab that can extract brains)
Deformed Cranial Structure (Warped Mind, Illithid Heritage= +4 unnamed save vs. spells, +4 racial save vs. mind-affecting, 8 bonus power points)
Glistening, rubbery skin of green-mauve consistancy (Illithid Skin, Bestial Hide= +5 Natural Armor)
Membranous wings (Starspawn= Fly speed 15ft, immunity to altitude sickness)
Prominent fins (Waterspawn= Swim speed 30ft, Resist cold 5, Amphibious)
A long, sucker-covered tentacle for an arm (Grappling Tentacle, Inhuman Reach= 1d4 dmg, 15ft Reach, Improved Grab)
2 tentacles extending from the waist (Deepspawn, Grabbing Tentacle, Inhuman reach= 1d4 dmg, 15ft Reach, +2 Grapple bonus
Extra, gecko-like legs (Climbing Legs= 15ft slippers of spirder climbing movement)
Why it's Optimized: Full Psywarrior power progression coupled with SEVEN tentacle attacks (11 with Form of Doom) and a bite attack. 6 of these have Improved Grab (Illithid Grapple, Grabbing Tentacle, Grasping Mandibles).
Why its funny:
This thread is designed to to showcase a different kind of optimized build - the ones that provide ridiculous mental images.
See freak qualities
edit: Genesis a demi-plane that operates at 50 years per 1 Earth second. Keep a portal to it in a generic magician's top hat.
Step 1: have an instant-death thingy just where portal drops off anything that comes through it.
Step 2: Drop bunny into hat.
Step 3: Mage hand or have metal pincers pull the skeleton out.
Step 4: HOW DID HE DO THAT?
The Talent Scout
A hound dog lazily walks out of an alleyway. He pads across the street without anyone giving him a second glance. He comes within a few feet of a gnome fiddling with a trap, sits down and begins to wag his tail.
Hey... hey kid. Yeah you... How would you like to join the circus?
Race: Changeling
Build: (Changeling) Rogue 1/(Wildshape) Ranger 5/MoMF 4/Ranger 10
- Rogue 1-ACF Social Intuition, Able Learner
- Ranger 1-ACF Urban Tracking
- Ranger 2-Track
- Ranger 3
- Ranger 4
- Ranger 5-Alertness
- MoMF 1
- MoMF 2
- MoMF 3-Feat
- MoMF 4
- Ranger 6
- Ranger 7-Feat
- Ranger 8
- Ranger 9
- Ranger 10-Feat
- Ranger 11
- Ranger 12
- Ranger 13-Feat
- Ranger 14
- Ranger 15
Changeling Rogue substitution levels are from Races of Eberron, as is the Urban Tracking feat. It's also an alternate class feature from Cityscape.
Wildshaping Ranger is an class substitution feature as well from Unearthed Arcana.
Why it's optimized: Well... honestly it's not. But there is a strong synergy from the social intuition of the changeling rogue feature and the urban tracking ability. Throw in able learner and the decent skills and skill points of the ranger and you've got a character that can hunt somebody down in any setting, whether urban or wilderness, with minimal effort. Tack on the wildshape feature for a little more options and Master of Many Forms so he can talk in forms that normally can't and use forms that will help him fight or hunt.
Why it's funny: It's not really laugh out loud funny, but I find something amusing about an animal interacting with someone on a human level... like a couple of beavers inviting four children to tea or maybe a cat with a large grin taunting a little lost girl...
It's Gaspode.
Wow. Perfect referencing but the build doesn't match well enough to what the wiki makes him sound like. Gaspode would require more CHA influence.
Also, SOMEONE PUT THE LORD OF THE DANCE IN HERE! As well as the Spelunker and Jumplomancer.
http://forums.gleemax.com/showthread.php?t=747428
Try Druid 5/MoMF 1. Wildshape into any medium sized animal that you believe appropriate. Master of many forms grants shifter's speech.
Well, for an optimized version of the "dog walking up to a person and having a normal convo with them" thing...
Try Druid 5/MoMF 1. Wildshape into any medium sized animal that you believe appropriate. Master of many forms grants shifter's speech.
Divine Minion does it faster. Teehee. My friend's build is a simply Druid 5/Monk 1/Warshaper 4/MoMF 10.
Add the Tiny Caltrop onto this thread.
Freakish enough?
Don't forget a clown! Some sort of jester build should do ...
Big clown with an Oversized Broken Umbrella
Goliath (La+1) Warlock 8 /Ninja 8 /Exotic Weapon Master 3
Invocations:
Sickening Blast,Hideous Blow,Entropic Warding(Dark One's Own Luck?),
Walk Unseen,Flee the Scene
If in the mood to spend a feat on Extra Invocation: Fell Flight
Feats:
Ninja give you proficiencies with exotic weapons,but you need to spend at least one Weapon Focus(numchaku), or even better Weapon Focus(oversized broken umbrella) and Weapon Focus(Stars-of-Joy).
Why it's optimized:
Warlock powers help you to do great damage.Fairly defensive too, he can go among the enemies and make them crazy trying to shoot at him.A nice mix of ghostly powers ,ninja sudden attacks, and high mobility, that also can wear wands if he wants :D
Why it's funny
Invisible Goliaths bashing skulls with broken umbrellas are funny.Wait to see one of them wielding a wand-chuck !!!
I think this thread needs some Living Spell love. You could do quite a lot with the right Living Spell.
I'm thinking one of Create Food and Water and another of Prestidigitation. Have them go around making candy.
They'd also be bright pink.
I'm thinking one of Create Food and Water and another of Prestidigitation. Have them go around making candy.
They'd also be bright pink.
It has to be an AoE spell...
Perhaps I should have a go at the Master of Masks from Complete Scoundrel (I know, really crappy, but at least it´ll be a challenge :D)? Otherwise I might try to create something for the freak show.
Oh, and if people need some ideas or inspiration they could check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circus_skills
It has to be an AoE spell...
It says area or effect spell (at least in the ECS). It can't be targeted spells or a spell who's effect is already a creature.
I think that the spells I picked fit there.
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/archeb/ls
The Amazing Pickpocket "It"
As the Living Disintegrate with some minor changes:
Disintegrates(Su): Disintegrates one item carried by a creature hit or engulfed by the living disintegrate.(caster level 12)
Add Half fey template to get CR 12, and some bonuses.
Works along with Lullaby Living Spell and the The Amazing Gnome Illusionist that can read cleric scrolls.
I'm thinking a Living Mirage Arcana/Hallucinatory Terrain Sentry who's job is to act as the set decorator. With only those two templates, it's sitting at a Int of 2, but you could easily increase that with a few, choice, templates.
The Strong Person: Goliath Barb5/War Hulk10/more barb or possibly some hulking hurler.
Pretty self explanatory, do huge damage to people and make them ouch.
The Acrobat: Rogue5/Exemplar10/Thief-Acrobat5. Meh at best in combat, but its wicked edge is in its ability to let the Strong Person fly through the highwire like he had wings.
The Jester: Bardx/Master of Masks 10/Bard more. Very versatile, and if you have huge charisma you should definitely throw a marshal level or two in there to help your buddies when you gang up on the weak.
The Dancer: However you qualify for dervish/Dervish10/whatever.
Self Explanatory, just throw some dervish at them and watch the mayhem. I personally like having some monk levels in there, because you can stack free feats with fighter, but you have limited skillpoints. Passive Way monk is great. Combine with Kusari-gamas for infinite cheese, or Bastard Sword/Oversized TWF combo.
The Juggler: Ninja X/Invisible Blade 5/Master Thrower 5/fighter and/or more ninja Y.
Nothing to say here, just continually juggle knives until your enemies are dead. Be sure to pick up the TWF chain. Quick Draw also a must, and some ranks in Profession (juggler). Good tricks include Deadeye Shot, Weak Spot, and Defensive Throw. Also, make copious use of the power attack trick found out by the thread entitled "let's play catch." Also run around being invisible.
Stand Up Comic/Stage Magician: Gnome Cleric of Garl Glittergold5/Divine Prankster 10/Bard4(if you want inspire courage +3, otherwise just take 1 and leave it)/Cleric the rest. Alternately forgoe bard entirely, and just take some extra music feats. A lot of cross class skills are required to get into this class if you go cleric, so it might be better to just go Divine Bard10/Divine Prankster10, but you lose out on all those pretty spells and stuff.
Anyway, awesome support character, and kills people before the fight starts.
Freak Show: Not a build as much as it is any number of people with willing deformity and/or ugly races.
That Dancing Bear is boss, dude, great build. Anyway I for one will unleash this hell upon my players, I don't know when or to what effect yet, but it's going to hurt. A lot.
Name: Lucy
Job: Wielding oversized weapons...
Human Paragon 2/Ftr 1/Swash 3/Dervish 10/XXX4
She takes out her scimitars, Colossal +1, Sizing Scmitars, which she normally keeps at Medium, and makes them Gargantuan. Activates her Item of Chained, Enlarge Weapon to make them Colossal. Then she runs around choping things to bits.
Why it's fun: Fun begins when someone dispels her buffs. Her swords become Colossal...and she takes no penalty. Slashing blades says:
A Dervish treats the scimitar as a light weapon
Why it's optimized: Colossal Scimitars and Thousand Cuts.
Invisible Spell conceals all direct effects of the spell. The example is fireball; the explosion and firey bead are invisible but the flame on anything that catches fire is still visible as that is not a direct effect of the spell.
But what about... Invisible Polymorph. The effect of polymorph is that you become something else.
Invisible Summon Monster. This would actually be quite amazing.
Invisible Alter Self.
Invisible Silent Image. Talk about useless.
Invisible Invisibility. What?!
Invisible Flesh to Stone. Heh.
list goes on
The best part: It's a +0 spell level metamagic.
Race: Human, Gender: male
Progression: bard 5/Master of Masks 10/ exemplar 5
feats: jack of all trades (CAdv), skill focus: perform (oratory), versatile performer (CAdv), among others I haven't thought of yet.
Why it's optimized: This character would be an ultimate infiltration unit, decent fighter (with the right mask effect), an entertaining character to play in a campaign (which is exactly what I will be doing with it!), and will have so much extra stuff that he can do due to mask effects. Also note that with the 5 levels of exemplar he'll be able to take a 10 on perform (oratory) checks, so he can act as a poet, storyteller, or muse in his act. Also note that one of the class features of Master of Masks allows him to make all of his masks except for his V mask invisible at all times, while other class features allow him to wear 4 at the same time.
why it's funny: Remember remember the 5th of november.
I'm fairly certain that this doesn't work, but I've never figured out why. As such, I'll put it up so someone can tell me I'm an idiot.
Name: Lucy
Job: Wielding oversized weapons...
Human Paragon 2/Ftr 1/Swash 3/Dervish 10/XXX4
She takes out her scimitars, Colossal +1, Sizing Scmitars, which she normally keeps at Medium, and makes them Gargantuan. Activates her Item of Chained, Enlarge Weapon to make them Colossal. Then she runs around choping things to bits.
Why it's fun: Fun begins when someone dispels her buffs. Her swords become Colossal...and she takes no penalty. Slashing blades says:
Why it's optimized: Colossal Scimitars and Thousand Cuts.
Not only does that completely violate the spirit of the rules presented for dervish, but it also is just silly. A dervish treats a scimitar SIZED FOR HER as a light weapon. I didn't think that really needed to be iterated, but here you go.
To wield an oversized scimitar on that level she needs to be a half giant and have Oversized TWF, so that means she can fight with one handed weapons. Taking an additional -2 gets her huge scimitars, which she can then cast Enlarge Weapon on with her item that does whatever, and get herself some gargantuan scimitars. Enter some tasty Augmented expansion and BAM colossal+ scimitars. Works twice as nice with bludgeoning weapons and greater mighty wallop, but the dervish doesn't get a bonus on using those, so meh.
Not only does that completely violate the spirit of the rules presented for dervish, but it also is just silly. A dervish treats a scimitar SIZED FOR HER as a light weapon. I didn't think that really needed to be iterated, but here you go.
I agree that is what was meant, but this will now become a RAW vs. RAI war. That said, these are (to start with) Colossal so if she uses a Item of Enlarge Weapon she will become proficient with them, as well as sizing them to Colossal+
What? Encumbrance isn't a part of the combat rules? Think again, all rules affect combat when they apply.
Get her some strength boosters and we'll talk.
[thread=727527]Trouserfang Dwarf.[/thread]
Tiny Caltrop search "10-16-07, 08:05 AM"
What about that thing of a Duskblade arcane channeling Otto's dance? Funny as hell.
Oddly enough, I thought of the exact same thing, but I decided not to post it.
If you still want to find it, search 'Duskchord' in SHCOL.
What about that thing of a Duskblade arcane channeling Otto's dance? Funny as hell.
In fact, a quote from teh thread of the build you speak of is in your sig, but the link is broken.
The Stilldancer and Blade Lancer builds are most appropriate for this circus. For added hilarity, be a whisper gnome whose name is "I May Be Small."
This is optimal because you can one-shot or one-round any officially published, non-templated creature. If you could somehow get a pantheon to stand in close enough proximity, you could kill them all in one round, assuming you hit.
Wizard 20
shapechange into wierd form.
why its optimized/broken: infinite. divinations. in zero time.
why its funny:
Mind reader: were you thinking of.... Cookies?
subject: I haven't decided yet.
Mind reader: Decide, then.
subject: ok
Mind reader: what did you choose.
subject: cookies... wait, ****. new one, please.
Mind reader: you choose puppies, you think im fantastic, and you're waiting to get back to the crowd so you can buy some more popcorns. do not hasten for that, i can tell you the boot is out of corn.
subject: damnit.
which leads me to:
The salesman
druid 10/MoMF/10
why it's optimized: wildshape. you die.
why its funny: hops into ragewalker form with a few WS boosting items, and commands some living spells of create food and water, fireball, and prestidigitation. makes candifloss, popcorn(create maize, roast), and other light snacks.