I've been working on a merfolk race for 5e, though I call them Sirens instead of merfolk, and I was wondering what others thought of it.
Concept:
The siren has the body of a humanoid from the hips to the top of her head. Below the hips she has a long, highly-muscled fish/eel-like body with fins along it for the sake of stability while swimming. The lower body ends in a fan of fins much like the tail of a fish. Some sirens have the lower body of an octopus instead (think Ursula from the Little Mermaid). The siren slithers along on her lower body like a medusa, or like the naga from Warcraft; if the siren has the lower body of an octopus she walks along on her tentacles.
Mechanics:
Ability score increase: Your Charisma score increases by 2.
Size: Your size is medium.
Speed: Your base walking speed is 25 feet. You also have a swim speed of 30 feet.
Darkvision: Accustomed to life deep beneath the waves, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
Amphibious: You can breathe both air and water.
Siren's Resistance: The natural enchantment of your voice, and the voices of other sirens, has given you added resistance to being charmed or adversely affected by sounds. You have advantage on saving throws against being charmed, and against sound-based effects.
Golden Voice: Siren voices are renown for their magical quality, and are said to be so beautiful as to bewitch men to their doom. Whenever you make a Charisma (Performance) check related to singing you are considered to be proficient in the skill and may add double your proficiency bonus to the check instead of your normal proficiency bonus.
Siren Song: You can use your action to sing to a creature of your choice who is within 60 feet of you, who can hear you, and who is not a fey creature. The creature resists your song with a Wisdom save; the DC for this saving throw equals 8 + your Charisma modifier + your proficiency bonus. On a failed save, the creature is charmed until the end of your next turn. You may extend this effect by continuing to sing to the target each round. Maintaining the song uses the same rules as maintaining a concentration spell. The effect of the song ends immediately if you or one of your allies damages the target. On a successful save the creature is not charmed and cannot be affected by your voice again for the rest of the day.
After you use your siren song, you can't use it again until you complete a short or long rest.
Sonic Screech: As your action you may use your voice to scream at a creature within 60 feet. Make a ranged attack against the target using your proficiency bonus + Charisma modifier. On a hit, the target takes 1d8 thunder damage and is deafened until the start of your next turn. If you are maintaining the effects of your siren song ability, you must cease maintaining those effects to use this ability.
The scream's damage increases by 1d8 when you reach 5th level (2d8), 11th level (3d8), and 17th level (4d8).
Languages: You can speak, read, and write Common and Sylvan.
Subraces:
Fish/Eel
Ability score increase: Your Dexterity increases by 1.
Electricity: As a reaction, you can electrocute a creature which successfully grapples you. The creature takes 1d6 electricity damage and must make a Strength saving throw (DC 8 + Constitution modifier + proficiency bonus). If the save is successful, you remain grappled. If the save fails, the target stops grappling you.
After you use this ability, you can't use it again until you complete a short or long rest.
Octopus
Ability score increase: Your Strength increases by 1.
Ink Shot: You can spray ink as an action. On land, this takes the form of targeting a single creature within 60 feet of you with a blast of ink. Make a ranged attack against the target, you are considered to be proficient with this attack. If the attack is successful, the target is blinded until it spends an action to clear the ink from its eyes. In water, the creates a cloud of ink that heavily obscures an area directly in front of you in a 20 foot radius.
After you use this ability, you can't use it again until you complete a short or long rest.
Racial Feats:
Constriction
-
You gain proficiency with the Athletics skill.
-
If you grapple an opponent you may constrict it as a bonus action, dealing 1d6 + Strength modifier damage.
-
Fish/Eel: You may use your Electricity ability as a reaction when a target successfully attempts to escape being grappled by you. On a successful save the target escapes your grapple. On a failed save the target remains grappled by you.
-
Octopus: Because of the many hooks and suckers on your tentacles, creatures that you have grappled suffer disadvantage on checks to escape being grappled by you.
Variant: You may choose to use your Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma modifier as the ability modifer for your Siren Song ability. This choice is made once, at character creation.
Thoughts? Concerns? Constructive criticisms?
Edit: Edited to reflect suggested changes (the two subraces, the ink shot and electicity abilities, moving constriction to a feat, a version of double prof to singing that more closely mimics the Dwarf's stonecunning, and to alter fey ancestry so as not to step on the elf). Additionally, I changed the Siren Song ability so that it can only be used against non-sirens.
Edit: Edited to change the Constriction racial feat (replacing the Str boost with Athletics proficiency, and moving the offensive use of electricity to the feat), as well as to defer electricity and ink shot to third level, and to reflect a status of being proficienct with Charisma (Performance) checks related to singing.
Edit: Changed Siren Song so that it doesn't affect affect fey creatures (instead of just not affecting sirens).
The big issues I see are the double proficiency bonus and the grapple power.
Given the low numbers in 5e so far Doubling a prof bonus seems kinda insane.
Constrict is a rather limiting and limited ability as well, requires grabbing, strength based, yeah kind of limited utility, the song power at least runs on a stat the race boosts. Although allowing will and/or int as an alternate would be appropriate for the song.
What if fish tails get a dex boost and a limited shapeshift to switch to legs, possibly with glamor scales as a power. The octopus guys on the other hand get a strength boost, and can grapple, or ink shot.
As for the extra songs, instead of making them built in, consider making them a feat, take the feat gain one or more abilities for the song.
rampant wrote:
Ok as far as the song goes I wasn't talking about the ability it targets, i was talking about the ability score used to determine the DC. Wisdom seems like the rright stat to target in 5e, and will is the proper defense in 4e style, but What I'm thinking is that the siren's int or wis might be used to set the DC if those attributes are higher than their charisma.
I guess I'm a bit paranoid about races handing out double prof bonus, because I don't wanna see what happens if someone manages to get a race and a class to match up on the bonus profs handed out, not far enough into the 5e rules yet to knowif that's already been headed off yet.
Honestly I think if you split things up You should give the eels an electric counter grapple instead of constrict, and the octopi could have ink shot, with another racial feat for the constrict ability since it's only really appealing to monks, some barbs, and some fighters.
Power level wise it's a little hard to call because charm is a tricky effect to have as an encounter option.
rampant wrote:
Well I was thinking that the electric ability replaces constric for the eels, and the octopi have ink-shot instead of constrict.
Then the feat would grant the constrict ability the way you have it now in the OP.
rampant wrote:
I wouldn't advise making the at-will form a bult in function.
An encounter screech would be good for the first feat, as would the enhance luring effect that actively draws targets towards the siren heedless of danger. A damage optin would also be appropriate.
IF you want an at-will form It could be another feat.
See the thing about at-will attacks is that they either need to be as good or better than the class at-wills (which is a problem because each classes at-wills are a bit different), or they're not worth the design space, and overshadowing the classes' basic actions seems wrong for an uninvested race ability.
MechaPilot wrote:
Nice!
Have you thought about doing the fish and octopus types as "subraces" so that you could better seperate their abilities?
BTW, "octopi" is not a real word. The proper pluralization of "octopus" is "octopodes" or "octopuses". Just a nitpick. 
rampant wrote:
@rampant:
As I wrote my original response late last evening, I missed a few important details. As such, here is an updated version of my variant siren song (This one is worded better, and is more balanced).
Siren Song: Once per day, you can begin singing a haunting melody which can charm those around you. Your song acts like the charm person spell, except that hostile targets do not gain advantage on their saving throw, and you must concentrate to maintain the effect for the entire duration (DC 8 + charisma modifier + proficiency bonus). The target can attempt a new saving throw each round to end this effect. On a successful save, the target is immune to your Siren Song for 24 hours. Once you have used this ability, you must finish a short or long rest before it can be used again. When you reach 5th level, your Siren Song can act like a crown of madness spell instead. When you reach 11th level, the target has disadvantage on their saving throws against this ability.
I just updated the stats in the OP based on the suggestions thus far.
Kalani wrote:
The reason I suggested the concentration mechanic is so that the siren is not forced to sing every round. Its very hard to communicate with a charmed creature when you are singing. Unless of course, they somehow can communicate telepathically with the charmed creature.
Oooooh....I like that. Force them to keep singing, but allow them to use the message cantrip with the charmed creature as a bonus action each turn. Here are my comments in response to the changes you made:
Golden Voice: This should grant proficiency in addition to its effect. As currently written, you gain double proficiency bonus without being treated as proficient (see my earlier post for suggested wording). Golden Voice is a much better name for this ability than the one I came up with.
Siren Song: I understand your reasons for giving the character a choice on stat, however I strongly suggest you make this a Charisma based save exclusively. Its all about charming them using the power of your voice... There is nothing Intelligence- or Wisdom-based about this. Also, as mentioned above, perhaps you might consider granting Sirens the message cantrip as a racial power. If you do, I would also add a clause saying that sirens can use the message cantrip to communicate with a creature charmed by their song, as a bonus action.
Sonic Screech: This should be save based, and should be limited to once per short or long rest (see Dragonborn breath weapon for comparison). With that being said, Dragonborn only gain one special ability, while you have given your siren two (sonic screech and siren song).... As a suggestion, perhaps you might consider making these two abilities subrace traits, with one subrace gaining Siren Song, and the other gaining Sonic Screech? This would be thematically flavourful, and would help distinguish the subraces.
Electricity: While I like this feature, I believe you are trying to give your siren race too many abilities. When compared alongside the features of other races, your siren is overpowered. Electricity is a defensive ability in most cases, and as such - I disagree you should be able to use this effect when a creature attempts to escape from your grapple. If you absolutely must maintain this effect, I suggest changing the wording so that it is more consistent with the 5E wording style.
Electricity: As a reaction, you can electrocute a creature which successfully grapples you. The creature takes 1d6 electricity damage and must make a Strength saving throw (DC 8 + Constitution modifier + proficiency bonus). If the save is successful, you remain grappled. Otherwise, the creature releases its hold, and the grappled condition ends. Alternatively, as a bonus action you may deal 1d6 electricity damage against a creature you have grappled and the creature must make a Constitution Saving Throw (DC as above). If the creature fails its saving throw, it cannot attempt to escape the grapple during its next turn. Once you use this ability, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.
The Sonic screech ability seems excessive, I'm uncomfortable with racial attack at-wills, for reasons I've already gone into, and it seems excessive on a race with two encounter abilities. Also why would other sirens be immune to your song? I mean I think the resistance is more than sufficient to demonstrate their experience with such effects.
Also I think the attribute bonuses as part of feats thing is a bit silly snce you're supposed to be cashing those in to get feats, what if instead you got to apply proficiency to grapple rolls, possibly with the ability to grab/drag creatures as if they were one size smaller?
rampant wrote:
Grab, and possibly to escape such.
@rampant & Kalani:
First off, I appreciate the continued feedback. Thank you.
I realize the race seems like it has a lot to it. The current iteration in the OP does have a lot to it. My initial concept for the race didn't include the electricity, the ink, or the constriction; it was simply an amphibious race with a swim speed, resistance to charm, the ability to sing remarkably well, and the ability to use the voice to charm and to harm. While I think the constriction, the ink, and the electricity are good ideas that are thematically very cool, I do want to preserve that initial core concept.
@Kalani:
I have absolutely no problem with you creating your own version and posting it.
Re sonic screech:
I realize that you are not a fan of racial at-will attacks. However, I don't think the sonic screech ability is terribly significant in terms of the race's overall power. In fact, I will go so far as to say that racial cantrips in general are non-abilities. They definitely are if you choose a class that gives you cantrips. Even if you don't choose a class that grants cantrips, they require your entire attack action and the damage is commensurate with a full round of attacks from a martial class. Look at the sonic screech:
1d8 (increasing by 1d8 at levels 5, 11, and 17), and inflicts deafness until the start of your next turn.
Now compare that to a fighter with a longbow:
1d8 (with additional 1d8 attacks at levels 5, 11, and 20), no deafness but the range is literally 2.5 times as far (10 times as far at long range). Additionally, the rolling of each attack individually means that the fighter is likely to at least deal partial damage (hitting with at least one attack) while the cantrip is all or nothing.
They sound almost identical to me from a mechanical standpoint, and that's why I see the screech, and cantrips in general, as a non-ability.
Re electricity and ink shot:
Since I never opriginally intended for the race to have either of these abilities, I'm actually fine with making these part of racial feats to help distinguish the subtypes, or with deferring them to later levels.
Re siren immunity to siren song:
If sirens aren't immune to the songs of other sirens, it creates a weird ecological condition where sirens can charm each other as part of everyday life. Part of the reason the charming song works is because sirens have a voice that is otherworldly and beautiful, but a siren voice isn't very otherworldly if you hear it every time you speak or sing.
Re ability choice for siren song:
I really do agree that it should be Charisma based. I'll include the choice of Int, Wis, or Cha as a variant when I have a final version, but the default version will just use Charisma.
Re attribute boosts as part of feats:
I was surprised the first time I saw those as well. I mostly just included it because I was using existing materal as models to build off of. Instead, I will probably change the constrict feat's Str boost to prof with the Athletics skill (which is used in grappling).
Why wouldn't sirens be able to do that? I mean they're social creatures right? Wolves aren't immune to each others teeth, humans don't have any immunity to being shanked, beat, or verbally abused.
It's a pretty useless power for most sirens to have if they can't use it on each other.
Also the sonic shriek = a non-ability argument just kind of makes me dislike it more since it's cluttering up space and increasing how powerful the race looks without being useful.
rampant wrote:
Actually, I like the idea of a society where everyone can charm everyone else to get what they want....Creatures that have been charmed are aware of this when the effect expires. They also remember everything they were suggested to do, and if this goes against their own values - they would be rightfully upset. As such, I highly doubt siren society would use this effect for selfish reasons, for fear of suffering a charmed reprisal at a later date.
In fact, were I to create such a society, I would fully expect them to use the effect to calm hostile situations, smoothing tension, and making sure everyone generally "gets along", rather than as a tool for malicious or selfish purposes.... Sirens however, would feel no such compunction toward other races, and may very well use such abilities maliciously against those with no way of returning the "favor".
1. Every non-telepathic/non-memory sharing creature is alien to every other.
2. I don't really trust the at-wills as non-abilities argument, especially when a status condition is involved.If it was just damage, maaaaaaaaybe, but the simple fact of having that ability means that any class whose at will isn't better will be using that attack, and any class whose at-will is better will never use it. Making it very valuable to one set of classes and worthless to another, which rings alarm bells in my head.
Also does being deaf protect you from their charm power?
Being deaf does protect you from the charm power. The creature must be able to hear you to be affected by the charm power. Recall Odysseus' men avoided the song by covering/packing their ears; I wanted to preserve that flavor.
In the Monster Manual, Merfolk speak Common and Aquan, not Common and Sylvan. Just food for thought. Of course, MY Merpeople are a fey race of the sea, akin to their protrayal in 4e. And I don't like the dilects of Primordial, anywho. :/
I may shamelessless steal some of this for my Merfolk people, though mine are an Elven Subrace, and thus it'll take a little adaptation.
Marandahir wrote:
MechaPilot wrote:
Kalani wrote:
1. Defering the abilities to third level accomplishes what exactly?
2. Why no int or wis option for the song power?
rampant wrote:
If the racial powers are unbalanced at level 1 then they'll be unbalanced against the races who don't get deferred powers whenever they kick in.
Class write up was a lot stronger than I thought it was gonna be in the PHB, but races have been pretty bad, don't take too many cues from some of the wierder stuff they've done.
rampant wrote:
If you're going to insist that the cantrip is a non-ability, you're gonna have to remove the deafened condition, having at-will access to any condition is too much for a racial power.
I'd say bring electric and inkshot back down to level 1, and reduce landspeed to 25.
rampant wrote:
It wasn't a good idea when they gave it ot the high elf.
rampant wrote:
Mostly OK, I'd suggest instead of athletics you allow the prof bonus to grabbing and possibly to escaping grabs.
This feat is fairly complex and powerful, so i think narrowing the scope a bit might be a good idea.
Wow, I was just gaping in awe about this new race. It's cool enough, yes.
Yet I noticed that the overland Ink Shot has no specified range as of now. Is it intentional?
Nesian42Ryukaiel wrote:
I have just recently created a repository for homebrew content (within the past 24 hours). I have linked this race in my thread. If at all possible, can you please draw interest to my repository so that we can create a centralized thread to showcase all original 5E content.