2 you've divided necromancy into it's own 8 subschools.
3 you think of assassins as 'those pansies that can't finish the job'
4 vampires seem 'pretty harmless'
5 you think dark fortresses surrounded by millions of zombies with thousands of death traps and 5 30th level liches are for posers
7: All those heroes are giving you a glut of Death Knights.
8: You remix the howls of your Deathshriekers and are now considering a few levels of Bard.
9: You have to keep reminding your boneclaws not to pick their noses. It gets annoying reviving them...
10: You've personally hunted down every Yellow Musk Creeper in existence for "shoeing in on your gig."
11: And myconids.
12: You cultivate Dread Blossoms because you relish their scent.
13: You've killed a balor and have turned it into your personal lieutenant.
14: Nerull greets you with "Wassup, homeboy?"
15: You disdain lichdom as unimaginative.
1 you think of frankenstein as 'oh, that one that has a mental disability along with 362 others in my horde'
/QUOTE]
Frankenstein isn't a monster, hes the scientist that created his monster (essentially a flesh golem, but sort of different, it could be an undead.)
16. Your wagon is cased in a spinal cage.
17. You sell skeletons by the thousand.
18 You only give movies an R rating when they have violence, carnage, nudity, drugs, sexually explicit content, and swearing all at the same time.
19 Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac, Genghis Khan, and Stalin were your childhood idols
20 But now you think they are Idles that never really did anything
21 erythnal doesn't let you join his cult on account of being too gory and just sick
22 and nerull doesn't let you join his on account of enjoying the company of the dead way too much
23 In order to join your gang you not only have to spend a week in a coffin surrounded by undead, make peaceful contact with and evil outsider, have died at least once, and be able to cast all the animate dead-like spells but also have to...(kudos to whoever can name all the prestige classes I'm making references to)
25) Vecna gives you odd looks.
26) In your self-ruled county, having a pulse is illegal.
27) You've made it another personal goal to hunt down the goblin clerics who created the Bonedrinker for infringing on your territory, then killed anyone who claims that someone other than you created them.
28) You think "BRAAAAAINS!" is an excellent answer to a question...because you've heard it so many times.
30) Shadesteel Golem? Necca please. You use Voidstone Golems.
32) You're pretty sure that the section of your brain dedicated to higher reason and ethics isn't wired correctly
33) Which is why, in your opinion, you're such an awesome necromancer.
34) The Angel of Death's phone number is the one you've called most often.
35) Everything's better when it's dead...and for that matter,
36) Death is relative.
38) When other Necromancers ask you for your autograph, you sign a symbol of death.
39) If it wasn't meant for mortal man to know, you are probably an authority on the subject.
40) If it's an Abberation, kill it and figure out how to turn it into some sort of interesting undead. And make it stop yelling all those apostrophes...
41) Your name is "AIEEEE -thunk- -urk- -splatter- " Or at least that's what the living call you.
42) You've subjugated an entire plane of existence because you needed soldiers.
43) Pelor hides under the bed at the sound of your name.
45) actually, when you go back in time you try to prevent mass murders...so that all those people who were spared have children that you can use in your giant undead army.
46) you have so many phylacteries in so many different places that you don't know which 7 are yours and which belong to lich underlings that you're coercing.
47) people don't wait for you to blackmail them. You've got something on them for sure (and if not you just threaten them) so they just start sending money and offering ultimate worship.
48) the only reason you aren't a god is that you keep killing your followers and raising them as undead.
49) Mortals all look alike really.
50(!)) merely becoming immortal through dark arts is a petty insignificent goal that even your nearly dead grandmother could do (of course now she rules several planes of existance and kills and withers all that she touches, which makes it a nuiscance to eat, although why she still does so is the joke of the family)
51) people don't want to hear about your eccentric aunt.
52) Your eccentric enough for your whole family.
54) After the reunion, the demi-plane you hosted it on is mostly negative energy and petrified flesh
55) And by family reunion, I mean to say that your great great great grandparents are still coming...
56) The powers that govern the line between life and death have gave up when they heard about you
57) "He's only mostly dead?"
59) Also, you now have more pieces of metal lying about that you know what to do with.
60) You feel the need to have someone to talk to...then you raze a few villages to the ground and slay the survivors. You then immediately feel better, or worse, or whatever Necromancers are supposed to feel.
61) You have an Ak'Chazar Rakshasa called Fluffy.
62) You went across timelines, killed Faust, made the deal with the Devil yourself, then double-crossed him and made him into another backscratcher.
63) You do this as a hobby.
64) Anyone else who raises the dead is either under your control or dead. Or both.
65) Charnel Hound? Bah! You made yourself a Charnel Tarrasque
(There is an undead that's a brain in a jar. My friend sprang one on me as part of a packaged Eberron campaign he wove into our current campaign after I killed half the party with an ill-aimed Fireball.
(I resurrected them though...)
19 Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac, Genghis Khan, and Stalin were your childhood idols
Seriously though, Chingis Khaan was a Scholar and a Gentleman. Why is he always viewed as evil?
69) When Necromancer is written on the character sheet handed to you. Hahahaha
Seriously though, Chingis Khaan was a Scholar and a Gentleman. Why is he always viewed as evil?
Oh, I dunno...because his hordes swept over China, raping and killing thousands? It may be just me, but isn't that evil?
ANNYHOO.
70) You create Vecnas as a hobby.
71) These Vecnas act as basic troops before you send in the really powerful stuff.
72) Even the real Vecna is afraid of your pseudo-Vecnas.
Oh, I dunno...because his hordes swept over China, raping and killing thousands? It may be just me, but isn't that evil?
If by "raping and killing thousands" you mean "Tactical genius, one of the most (if not the most) charismatic people ever to come out of Mongolia, creater and uniter of the Worlds largest Empire, creater of a written language for his Countrymen, promoter of Religious Tolerance and being most Humble even as he fell to his own Death." I too see how that is Evil...
75) Whenever you speak, the dead rise within a mile.
79) Corpses animate themselves when you look at them.
80) No one invites you to wakes anymore.
81) Your son managed to become a lich at age nine.
82) For that matter, you became a lich at age three.
83) True Resurrection, when cast in your vicinity fails to function.
84) You've made several dead demi-gods into chess pieces.
85) (in response to number six) Also, you've managed to produce a skeleton that can play chess, solely for that purpose.
87) You carry other people's souls around in your pocket.
88) It has become common practice in all settlements within a 15 mile radius of your lair to burn any and all corpses.
89) When you have back pains you simply get a new back.
90) You smiled when you found out that your lair was built on top of an ancient indian burial ground.
91) You look at your calendar one day and suddenly realise that you've been alive for the last 627 years, well, alive-ISH.
93) Your skull has holes in it. And it doesn't bother you.
94) You address your zombies by serial number
95) You manifested the Siberys Mark of Death...and you're not even in Eberron. Who knew?
96) The decor in your living room is mostly bones.
97) In fact, so is the rest of your mansion.
98) Your soul should have been forfeit to at least nine devils.
99)
And, number 100:
You know you're a necromancer when the parties you throw are loud enough to wake the dead.
Seriously though, Chingis Khaan was a Scholar and a Gentleman. Why is he always viewed as evil?
I dont doubt that he add a lot to the academics of his time, but you know you are talking about a guy who was quoted as saying:
"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."
101) You replaced most of your body with parts of Vecna.
102) Even his head!
I dont doubt that he add a lot to the academics of his time, but you know you are talking about a guy who was quoted as saying:"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."
Indeed. There is nothing Academic about Creating a Written Language or Promoting Religious Tolerance. Granted Tachtical Genius doesn't awlays fall under the realm of Academia. And yes, you [b]enemies[/b]. That is why he ruled the Largest Empire in History. Vlad Ţepeş gats a similarly bad rep. for his Genius Tactics.
But, all the same, is this the place for a discussion on Genghis Khan's merits?
Tactical genius, while it makes one great, does not make one good. Although he was tolerant of the religions of those he conquered, if they were not obedient, he would sack their shrines as well as their homes. I doubt that he was tolerant out of the goodness of his heart.
So then why was he tolerant? The Taliban sacked and killed those that were disobediant, yet they were not tolerant. All anyone can ever say is "He killed some people, he was bad." He wasn't. We like to say he was Evil because we no longer agree with his methods, but he was not Evil. He wasn't even evil. You want proof? Talk to some Mongolians. Research their history, not the stuff written by the other side. You will see a very different man.
So then why was he tolerant? The Taliban sacked and killed those that were disobediant, yet they were not tolerant. All anyone can ever say is "He killed some people, he was bad." He wasn't. We like to say he was Evil because we no longer agree with his methods, but he was not Evil. He wasn't even evil. You want proof? Talk to some Mongolians. Research their history, not the stuff written by the other side. You will see a very different man.
Of course the Mongolians are going to praise the hell out of him, he's one of their great heroes. Now, back to buisness
103) You decided the Charnel Tarrasque wasn't enough and made a Charnel Tiamat. Deciding that wasn't enough, you made a Charnel Hekatonchieries...
Of course the Mongolians are going to praise the hell out of him, he's one of their great heroes. Now, back to buisness
103) You decided the Charnel Tarrasque wasn't enough and made a Charnel Tiamat. Deciding that wasn't enough, you made a Charnel Hekatonchieries...
What's a Hekatonchieries?
What's a Hekatonchieries?
Epic Level Handbook. More hands that is probably legal anywhere, but it has a CR of 55, so I don't think anyone is going to complain.
Epic Level Handbook. More hands that is probably legal anywhere, but it has a CR of 55, so I don't think anyone is going to complain.
But wait a sec, wouldn't Tiamat have a higher CR?
Although being lawful evil maybe I do have a softspot for the Tyrants of History! Vlad Tepes is a hero in Romania and should be a hero throughout Europe for keeping the Ottoman Empire out, nor do I see this religious tolerance that Kahn is being lauded for as one of his virtues.
but back on Topic...
104) Libris Mortis is your players handbook.
105) You thought the rabid undead cat from Re-animator was cute.
106) Your idea of haute cuisine is a dead frenchman.
originally posted by Thakowsaizmu...
If by "raping and killing thousands" you mean "Tactical genius, one of the most (if not the most) charismatic people ever to come out of Mongolia, creater and uniter of the Worlds largest Empire, creater of a written language for his Countrymen, promoter of Religious Tolerance and being most Humble even as he fell to his own Death." I too see how that is Evil...
I should have quoted this in my post to make that clear.
Thanks
All hail Ghengis Kahn, the Scourge of God!
107) You walked out halfway through Ghostbusters because it was religiously offensive.
108) Your greatest fear is Bruce Campbell with a chainsaw and boomstick.
112. You once encountered a gold and a bronze dragon, their skins are now carpets and their bones are used as buses by your minions.
113. You have found a way to make an undead gelatinous cube, just for kicks.
116. Your family night = reanimating the bones of your family, and raid a village with them.
116. Your family night = reanimating the bones of your family, and raid a village with them.
117. As above, but you include the animated families of the former occupants (dead now) of the previous village.
119: Adolf Hitler is your servant.
120. And he also has screaming nightmares about you and everyone he (essentially) killed that you could reanimate to hunt him.
122: the skeletons in your closet are neither figurative nor standing still.
123: You think Saw is a comedy... well you could also just be disturbed.
121: the only music you ever listen to is Rob Zombie
122: the skeletons in your closet are neither figurative nor standing still.
123: You think Saw is a comedy... well you could also just be disturbed.
(number 122 was the best!)
124: You beg your DM over and over for the campaign to start at lvl 11, so you can begin playing as a lich.
125: If he refuses, you throw your 8 copies of Libris Mortis at him.
128. You are directly responsible for the worldwide onyx shortage.
129. You describe negative levels as "tickly."
130. You seek out and kill Orcus not to rid the universe of a horrific evil, but because you're tired of paying licensing fees.
132) The pages 73 and 203 are ripped out of your MM and used as extra pages of your character sheet.
JiaiDrottsingr: My apologies, I was not refering to your statement, but to this one
...
I should have quoted this in my post to make that clear.
Thanks
All hail Ghengis Kahn, the Scourge of God!
Well, it was supposed to read 'Classical' world...
I consider the book of vile darkness to be rather humourous and childish in the depiction of Evil, but I hardly think that makes me a Necromancer...
You're not a necromancer? Come on, you're not trying hard enough. :D
Oh, you mean because of the BoVD. Never mind.
Well, are you watching..?
136. You've got good odds of hiding in the shadows in an open field in broad daylight 'cause the light's afraid to shine on you.
138. You haven't bothered with living girlfriends since you keep forgetting to switch off your negative energy-infused aura.
140) You take your summer vacation on the Negative Material Plane.
141) When you ask one of your minions to give you a hand they literally give you a hand.
142) You have reanimated all your pets you ever had and they follow you around in a swarm.