We all know some DMs love to see player characters fall one by one. How to spot one? Here's some obvious signs:
1. You're a high-level party and you're asked to take care of kobolds.
2. You encounter a Gelatinous Cube.
3. You encounter two Gelatinous Cubes, one in front of you and the other one in the back.
4. All monsters you find are already killed... by traps.
5. Alternatively, they're part of the trap.
6. You find the Head of Vecna.
More?
7. Your primary opponents are all the worlds dragons(including their gods)
8. You at any point before Epic levels have to fight and kill a god.
9. Your wizard is target of every attack(yes even 3 after you are corpse) all the creatures the party is fighting. Despite the fact you are level 2 and everyone else is level 6.
10: Your first encounter is against a level 6 Warblade, which was won easily. The next one will probably be against five of them...
11: Your first encounter is against a level 5 Illithid-blooded psion. Your next will probably be against another one or two...
10: Your first encounter is against a level 6 Warblade, which was won easily. The next one will probably be against five of them...
11: Your first encounter is against a level 5 Illithid-blooded psion. Your next will probably be against another one or two...
Please tell me that is not foreshadowing.
12. You find or are given a Deck of Many Things. (3.5E or earlier)
13. The DM has prepared only one encounter for a four hour session, and has brought along an alternative game "just in case"
14. The DM has not brought along his dice. But he has brought along an A4 paper shredder.
15) You don't know why. But he won't. Stop. Smiling.
16) A Gazebo appears before you . . .
17. You, at any point, encounter a tarrasque with more than one template.
18. Or more than one tarrasque.
19. And you're still at Level 1.
It has been my experience that there is only one way to know if your DM is out to kill you.
1. You die.
16) A Gazebo appears before you . . .
One of my STs did this in our WhiteWolf Campaing... yeah. The gazebo was possessed. Great Times.
21. Your DM says, at any point in time: Your still consious? Are you sure? Hmm.. (I actually made that mistake... But the player was in on it- Classic "I'm the pally, and im going to die a noble death, because being a walking talking DRAG sucks.)
From personal experience:
"you enter a large open cavern, it seems to be decorated with multiple stone statues of warriors, there is a pool of water covering the floor....*grin*"
We were level 3!!
Damn basilisk, ah well, I blinded it by gouging its eyes out with one of its own teeth.
23: 3E, The party is now split into each person fighting off two enemies their level. Each.
I'm not sure what was worse, the fact that I was so desperate to take out them (the fact they killed my dragon with a globe of force and create water made me a bit vindictive), or the fact that they still won easily.
24:When your DM says "Fine!", after some one bugs him about the game being too easy.
26:When he won't..stop..smiling...
27:When, for some reason, everything you eat is poisoned.
28:Similar to 27, every door, floor, tree, or road seems to be trapped.
29:When a npc decides to start traveling with you, and insists to take first shift for night-watch...
We all know some DMs love to see player characters fall one by one. How to spot one? Here's some obvious signs:
1. You're a high-level party and you're asked to take care of kobolds.
Tucker's Much?
When the DM asks you if you're sure you don't want to buy those scrolls of resurrection.
31. The DM giggles alot as you enter a dungeon
32. The DM has to use a calculator / pen and paper to calculate damage.
33. DM brings a stack of blank character sheets to each session.
34. The DM says, "You're in my world now" at the begining of each session.
35. You forget to bring the DM's favorite snack / drink or take his last drink / snack.
36. After finding a book / scroll. The DM hands you a piece of paper when asked what was on it. The paper says either: " Haster Haster Haster " or "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Have you ever read, Explosive Runes before?"
37. DM has a tally sheet for # of characters killed promintiy displayed on his DM screen.
38. You find a rod of wonder as part of a treasure horde.
39. You kill/ignore/tease/let die the DM's favorite NPC.
40. You let slip the DMs sister/mom is hot.
Play with a significant other, then accidentally kill her. All 1001 ways will instantly be placed on your character at once
Yruc's answers made me laugh...reminds me entirely too much of a DM I know...
41. The DM starts introducing NPCs that seem to posess skills with which they could replace one of the PCs with uncanny ease.
42. When the BBEG is willing to take on the PC party of six...on his own.
43. When he starts giving the death glance to the player that keeps bringing up what happened at school yesterday in the middle of an encounter. Be ready for things to get ugly really quickly.
44. When the DM takes a personal disliking for a character. It is bad DMing to do so, but when it does happen, either start getting smart, or start working back to the DM's good side.
45. When you get that one player that knows the books by heart, and uses that to his extreme advantage. Like making sure every Attack of Opportunity is accounted for, every skill bonus is accounted for, and every standard price rate in the PHB is quoted. As this continues, watch the DM's forehead-vein start to show!
46. When the party (usually including aforementioned player) wipes out a mob of 13 enemies with ease. Next encounter: dragon.
47. When the party encounters a field of free-roaming magic. Do. Not. Enter.
38. You find a rod of wonder as part of a treasure horde.
48. You make that mistake when your DM is a Grammar Freak.
Enjoy your horde in your hoard.
32. The DM has to use a calculator / pen and paper to calculate damage.
Once did that at the end of a Magic game: slither legion.
49: time travel...
50: the villian knows about said tiem travvel, he knows where you have/will go for information and has/will controll the artifact.
51. Your NPC healer is mad at you because when splitting loot/magical items, he never speaks up to wanting anything thus barely receives anything. (My healer now refuses to heal me during combat I've died three times, and my DM also HATES to give out gold in loot, so i've been losing so many of my magical items....)
52. You are sent to infiltrate a group of rebels and one of the leaders whom looks at you says "better safe than sorry"...a lot
53. He tells you not to write backgrounds because they won't matter for long anyway.
54. His custom character sheets have a line for "Next of Kin"
55. When you tried to kill his/her character when he/she was not a master...
56. Teratomorph... Kills...
57. The DM refuses to eat any more snacks....
12. You find or are given a Deck of Many Things. (3.5E or earlier)
So true....
58. You have to go to the Shadow Realm because a characters soul got sucked out and put there because they used the aforementioned Deck of Many things.
59. You tell the DM you want to do something and he just smiles at you.
60. The DM rolls dice constantly when no creatures can be seen.
61. You open a door and the light from the hall doesn’t illuminate the room at all because its packed full of shadows.
62) After you ask if you can do something, the DM says "Okay, roll for it" with a sick little grin on his face.
Suddenly, what you were planning doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.
10: Your first encounter is against a level 6 Warblade, which was won easily. The next one will probably be against five of them...
11: Your first encounter is against a level 5 Illithid-blooded psion. Your next will probably be against another one or two...
Please tell me that is not foreshadowing.
Bwahahaha!
63: He laughs like that when you ask that sort of question.
31. The DM giggles alot as you enter a dungeon
Avoid any floorstone marked in white. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not stand under any part of the ceiling marked in white. It is a trap that will kill you. Duck under any opening taller than one meter. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not touch any metal surface. It is a trap that will kill you.
64: When suddenly, and very inconveniently for you, all the monsters begin to roll natural 20s all the time.
65: And they gain +10 to all defenses.
66: And are armed with +6 Vorpal Weapons (only applies for monsters with equipment. duh.)
67: And you aren't allowed to rest between encounters and a magic seal prevents you from using daily and encounter powers.
68. As 66 except they only have slam attacks.
69. A Black Dragon says and I quote "Give me everything you own or.....we work something out in private" and then winks. I still shudder at the thought(dragon sex is weird even for a human sadomasochistic 4E TWF ranger).
70. When the DM tells you that he's been reading some Grimtooth's traps books
70. When the DM tells you that he's been reading some Grimtooth's traps books
71. When the only thing the DM brings to the table is Grimtooth's Dungeon of Doom.
72. When the DM reaches for the monster manual and giggles.
73. The Temple of (insert name of Good Deity here) turns out to be instead dedicated to (insert name of CE God here) just under the surface.
74. When the trapped, locked door you just got through hides 5x5 room with a Sphere of Annhilation.
75. When your DM calls the *original* Tomb of Horrors an easy warmup for pansy kiddos, and has the homebuilt (but completely legitimate) modules to back up the assertion.
when they make use of pit traps that hold creature only portals, that go on and on and on etc
77). When he hit you over the head with a shovel and buries you in the back yard. 
78. When the DM calls you to tell you that the usual meeting place has changed, and now you're playing at a deserted location "for atmosphere" - and don't bother to ring the rest of the players, they've "already been told".
79. When you do something the DM doesn't like and he says "OOohhhh... you're SO dead..." and gives you 'the look' >:|
80. rocks fall, everyone dies.
81. He has a new book entitled "Tomb of Horrors."
82. The GMPC is a high level wizard yet refuses to help you do anything.
83. in taverns women inexplicably start approaching your characters even if you don't have the best CHA or aren't famous......
84: the DM smiles when you get hurt.
85: you are being a jerk
86: your quest-giver is named Sue Isyde Myshon.
87. you walk into an empty room.
88. "hey guys, I'm thinking of starting a Paranoia game after this one...."
89. He describes everything in GREAT detail.
90. he laughs when you pull out your 10 ft long pole.
91. you are allowed to start at epic level....
92. He rolls everything BEHIND the DM screen, not showing the actual results and only telling you them......
93. There is an NPC cleric that keeps following you....
94. There is an npc wizard that keeps following you.....a 3.5 edition wizard
95. IC, you frequently spot the Grim Reaper, and he keeps winking at you.
96. He says "Don't worry, everything will be fine."
97. the BBEG went down a little TOO quickly....
98. the BBEG is not going down fast enough....
99. He says "Better bring your rulebooks tomorrow."
100. His lips are moving.
101. You've searched every square foot of a room for traps... And you still set off traps...
102. As above, but while in town...
103. Your characters can never sleep... because if you do not only are the enemies replenished, so are the traps.
(These all happened to me, although not as severely as mentioned, since the DM would pretty much Deus Ex Machina us since we would be killed by pretty much anything. Also for the traps this was 2nd edition before 3rd edition existed so there was no take 20 to find them...)
104. He pulls all the other players to the side to talk about an 'Adventure Hook'. He never pulls you aside.
105. ...He takes them into a seperate soundproof room and locks the door.
106. ...He's carrying a creepy looking book about zombies/vampires/werewolves/possession/ect.
107: When he has created an unnecessarily large room
108: ...And there's no room for a single PC
109: ...Or an very small room with a Gargantuan Dragon (or other large creature) because you pissed off the DM
110: ...And the door is locked
111: ...And IF you manage to kill the beast, Tiamat, Orcus or Demogorgon descends upon you.
112: ...Literally.
113. When the DM gets rid of 2 square wide hallways for battled after the controller Wizard realizes a 2 square wide hallway with a martial class character having threatening reach 2 and another martial class character backing up the other one is a great idea for causing the enemies to eat damage guaranteed.
114. When the only controller wizard type does lots of damage while stopping plans from happening for at least 3 total rounds.
115. When the DM decides to warn you the week before that you will be encountering a "test" with your character as part of the campaign setting.
116. When the DM decides to reveal on gameday that #115 means battling 3 PC builds created as npcs and are 5 levels higher than the group.
117. Continuing #116, when 1 of those PC's happen to be a Barbarian (Playtest at the time).
118. When #117, that Barbarian was smiling way too much and you notice this way too well for your passive perception despite the Barbarian being trapped for 4 turns of not moving.
119. When that same DM asks you "are you still up?" after doing the damage that takes away all your HP if you didn't have toughness at Heroic tier and because you do, you have to say "yes" and the DM says "Good... action point."
120. When the Arcana checking person of the group is left behind to not inform a non-checking arcana person to not complete an incomplete circle of doom that wipes a PC by triple their health at point blank and almost all the health of the lowest HP person in the group since an attack roll is not needed.
121. When the DM encourages the rogue to go off on their own.
122. When the DM jumps for joy after you give them the greatest idea of what to do with your character.
123. The DM says: "I'm out to kill you."
122. When the DM jumps for joy after you give them the greatest idea of what to do with your character.
My groups quickly learn not to do this, or give me any room in their backgrounds to mess with them. My favorite phrase ever from a player is "Just make something up."
124. When you hand the DM your background story, and she giggles maniacally.
125. Your group decides that the new South Park episode is more important than the boss battle.
126:when the dm forgets to tell you that ghost ship that is laden with treasure is actually a huge mimic
127. The DM is clearly not amused by your Monty Python quotes marathon.
128) You took the last slice.
129) He keeps checking you mini placement or your sheet moreso than the others.
130) Seating arrangement: you've moved across from him w/ a contrived explanation.
131) Working attack strategy is conveniently unavailable in a very similar encounter.
132) Little to no tolerance for your table talk/chit chat, double standard for other's.
133) Blank character sheet mysteriously makes it debut discretely.
135 - And the DM makes you start on the wrong side of the room, closest to the satyr.
136 - And "maintain standard" gets translated to mean "you all stay dazed and I don't have to roll another attack."
138 - When you ask the DM "how do I bind with the artifact" and he laughs maniacally
139 - When your DM keeps a record of their Kill/Session ratio and aims to keep it above 1
141. Per round.
TPK via wish is fun <.<
146. When you're rolling damage on your first attack of the round, having already been bloodied by the first salvo from the monsters that effectively bypassed all your defences, and the DM says, "Just give me an estimate, it's not going to matter in a minute."
:D
147. When the DM throws his dice for damage in his secret pot of doom and nods, saying as if to himself, "Oh. Oh yes. Yes, that'll do nicely... that's really going to hurt," before telling you how bad you just got caned.
*grins*
149. The DM asks if anyone has a few dozen spare d12s
150. The party fighter is attacked by 4 rust monsters
152. When showing your DM your character sheet, he says "Ah, I see you don't have a racial resistance to ___."
153. You're in a dungeon and conveniently run into a merchant.
155. When you wake up from a daily rest and find yourself inexplicably in a pink, slimy cavern with a dangling pink stalactite and a semicircular array of razor sharp white stalactites and stalagmites.
156. When the DM regards your combat prone party and says "This monster construes a credible threat to your lives."
157. When the DM gives you far too much information regarding the encounter level. It's as if knowing you're going to die consitutes consent to death.
154. When, on a day like any other, the DM takes a moment to have a frank discussion with players about how they want to handle player death. Deus ex Machina, or Vita X-adventurer?
I generally prefer Soylent Green and an endpoint. Just me. *evil giggle*
-Sarena
154. When, on a day like any other, the DM takes a moment to have a frank discussion with players about how they want to handle player death. Deus ex Machina, or Vita X-adventurer?
Not that it's any of the DM's business, but extremely old age. He's also no longer invited.
154. When, on a day like any other, the DM takes a moment to have a frank discussion with players about how they want to handle player death. Deus ex Machina, or Vita X-adventurer?
Not that it's any of the DM's business, but extremely old age. He's also no longer invited.
Nice .... what would you reckon would happen if you said "Immortality via reincarnate .... over and over and over again everytime I hit venerable?"
Well, once we get that sort of technology (I'm thinking cloning is the only legit way), I'll prank one of *his* 'reincarnations' and tell him why.
Oh, nice :x I was thinking 3rd ed standard D&D fantasy with a friendly elf druid constantly casting True Reincarnate on you everytime you get up to venerable ... that being said, reincarnated into an Elf may require you to make more friends with Elf children who are in training to be druids so that they are still alive by the time you reach venerable again :P
Goal in life ... have a PC outlive Elminster .... plan ... make friends with as many druids as possible :P
Do tell if/when you get up to the point you decide to play hooky with this cloning experiment-gone-awry situation n.n
159. Next game session his "six sided die" is replaced with a six shooter.
160: He comes in carrying a huge covered box, with a big grin on his face. If you ask him about it, he tells you it's for the game and asks if you remember that red wyrmling your party killed a few levels back.
134 - You fight three shambling mounds and a satyr in a room with a giant pit.
Oh man. Pyramid Of Shadows is STILL the worst module ever.
163 -Your DM is smoking a pipe.
164 -Your DM has brought several strippers with him.
165 -Your DM won't stop giggling. Even moreso when a couple of Kobolds show up.
166 -He's holding a copy of the "Call of Cthulhu" sourcebook.
167 -He thinks that "I wanna be the guy" could make a cool setting.
168 -Your DM casually says "Imagine what would have happened if someone went back in time and aborted you". A lot.
169 -You find an empty treasure chest.
170. You comment on how a Half-ogre, half dragon, half vampire, demon possessed wizard would be the most ridocolus thing ever and your DM goes: "Ohh.. Why didn't I think of that?" *wicked grin*
*twitch, twitch*
-Sarena
164 -Your DM has brought several strippers with him.
My players are smarter than that. They provide the strippers so that I don't kill them.
Ahh.
Oh, and food.
173. He set's a vacuum cleaner on the table, uses the hose attachment to suck up the PC’s minis and say “This is to scale, but it doesn’t quite look like this.”
175. And you're dating her.
Not that I've ever contemplated killing my boyfriend's character for this. Just as soon as I find guildlines for creating a disease....
Not that I've ever contemplated killing my boyfriend's character for this. Just as soon as I find guildlines for creating a disease....
Sounds like an invite for death and mayhem rather than a warning of the same.
177. When during character creation, the other players refuse to let the DM help.
178. Decisions the party makes are confirmed by the DM by saying, "Sure, all the cool kids are doing it."
180. At level 1
181. And the dragon is an Ancient Red Dragon LV30
182. You enter a town and the guards assault you immediately
183. You escape said town, only to be assaulted by rogues
184. He actually says "I want to kill you so badly right now."
185. Your group wakes up in a burning inn, tied and nailed to your beds.
186:
Me: "Garlon looks down the hallway. What does he see?"
DM: "The hallway is about 30 meters long, and lit by torches. Garlons low-light vision enables him to see everything clear as day. There is a door in the end of the hallway, and as far as you can see its dark underneath it. What do you do?"
Me: "Garlon looks up and checks the ceilings, remembering how he was nearly eaten by giant spiders last time he forgot to check."
DM: "Paranoid wuzz. There are no monsters hiding above the hallway."
Me: "Fine. Garlon sneaks forward, and attempts to listen at the door at the end of the hallway."
DM: *rolls dice* "Garlon falls into the pit below him, taking 34 falling damage."
Me: "What just happened..!?"
DM: "Did I tell you that there was a floor in the hallway? No? It looks to me like someone forgot to check..".
187: You enter a long, dark hallway with a long hole in the middle section and on the other side, magical crossbow-turrets are mounted to the walls. Conveniently enough (for the DM) the ceiling is 10 feet above the ground, so a climbing rop won't be of much use and the hole is more than 200 feet long (more than the combined length of 4 climbing ropes tied together). On the bottom of the pit there are electric, acid-covered spikes. The DM then says: "You enter a long, dark hallway. Too bad you don't have darkvision."
Oh... That brings back such memories...
188. The DM casually mentions that a certain show has been really inspiring him lately. Turns out the show's called "101 Deaths" or possibly "Venoms of the World".
or 1000 ways to die.
Yeah, I was thinking about that show, but didn't want to worry whether or not I needed to include a copyright notice or not. I've been bothered about that issue before when I made a casual reference to a show on a different forum. Didn't want to even worry about it.
190. He heavily mutilates you during a 'cutscene', without giving you a chance to avoid taking damage.
191. He cheats.
192. He claims that you cheat everytime you roll a natural 20, because 'he didn't see you roll the die'. Even meaner if he claims to have rolled the d20 for any roll, when he actually just placed the d20 behind his screen as a 20 and then rolling the d12 to give the sound of a d20-roll.
193. Perception-checks to spot the enemy is 1 above the Perception+20+assist bonus for each ally assisting on the check.