Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 eredo Jan 24, 2010 16:19:51	Hello all, long time viewer of the boards but only the occasional poster, so hello! I have a serious problem with my DnD group, one that I am semi responsible for and I'm having trouble finding a solution, as usual, the problem isn't with the game itself but more the players playing the game with me... It all started when we introduced a new player to the group, he'd just come back from Uni and had few friends in the area so I sked the group if they were happy having him involved, they agreed and said they'd love to have a new member (Stop me if you've heared this one) It all started off very well, he seemed to mesh into the group fine, my fiance was DMing at the time and everything went very smoothly...then another group member Dm'd a campaign... This friend (my best mate) is sometimes known for being quite dangerous with is campaigns, there's a real sense of danger in his stories and the life or death situations, for me atleast, added to the tension, aparently our new member disagreed. After a particularly dangerous encounter, the new member came away frustrated and angry with how it turned out, I mentioned this to the DM and he apologised, admitted it was a mistake and said he would be more careful in the future, problem sorted I thought...I waswrong. Every session after that the new member tried his hardest to break the DM and cause him trouble, he resorted to name calling sometimes and on some occasions outwardly told him his campaign sucked (which I thought was very unfair as I thought a lot of the campaign was great!) this went on until the DM decided to end the campaign and said he never wanted to DM again, this is how bad it got, he loved DMing before that! I am now DMing a new campaign with new characters, I hoped that with me DMing and the fresh start with characters would defuse the situation but the constant bullying and jeering has just continued to the point that my best mate is considering stopping playing and my fiance feels intimidated by him, this whole situation is quickly running out of control to the point it could shatter the whole group! I should also mention we play at my best mates house...so the new member actually intimidates and bullies in his own damn home! We're going to talk to him next weekend at a pub and have a mini intervention, but does anyone have any experiance or advice on how to do this with a hint of decorum and diplomacy? I would greatky appreciate the help! Thank you in advance.
#2 MrCelsius Jan 24, 2010 16:32:03	I had to dismiss a player once.  Be honest about it.  'You're rude, even abusive, and we're all getting pretty tired of it.'  Don't just kick the player out full stop, though; make it clear that it's his behaviour which isn't welcome.  If he can change his ways, he can come back.  If he can't, he'd be better off finding a game that doesn't mind that sort of conduct.  Do it in a one-on-one so that he doesn't feel ganged up on or embarrassed.  You'll be speaking for everyone, so be sure you're all on the same page about it before you broach the subject.      Good luck with it.  It's mighty awkward, but it beats the hell out of staying with a disruptive player.
#3 jenrock Jan 24, 2010 16:33:26	For my money, you're already taking a very important first step by talking to him.  It is extremely important to have a neutral party.  My advice would be for your best mate to start out by saying the problem as he sees it.  Stress to him the importance of doing this without venom as merely attacking this new player will drive him away. After your mate has said his peace, allow the newbie to speak his mind, but don't be afraid to interrupt him if he is getting aggressive (though let him continue after he has calmed down).  Once both people have spoken their mind (including rebuttals, if necessary) you and the other players, as neutral parties, need to help them find a middle ground.  Don't expect them to come out of this as friends, but hopefully the newbie can start being civil. Finally, if your conversation isn't leading anywhere, or if he simply isn't receptive to the idea of changing his behavior, boot him.  You don't need poison in your group.
#4 bone_naga Jan 24, 2010 18:47:03	From the sounds of it, this player is being disruptive. Talk to him about it and give him a chance to calm down. If he doesn't, boot him. Simple as that. I was in a similar situation once. Like your friend I DM very dangerous campaigns. One player wasn't used to that (although I did warn all the players up front how this was going to work) and constantly complained. It got to the point where other players were telling him to shut up because his character wasn't really contributing anyway. I am no longer playing with that individual.
#5 ravenharm Jan 24, 2010 18:57:27	communication is key. absolute, the best way to save the situation is by taking the the disruptive person first single, many people dont relize they are as abusive as they are till they are told. his next course of action will dictate yours. either worst case scenario he blows up in your face and acts like a jerk, in which case you tell him to go to the abyss. or best case scenario he apologises and comes to terms with his actions walking on eggshells till everyone else can manage even looking at him. also a good way to guilt him into buying pizza! =D to the person that quit dming, he needs to know that his work at dming was appreciated. as a group you can get together and mention highlights of previous campaigns till his badly beaten ego understands he will be missed and that one silly rude  player shouldn't be the one to dictate his personal life.
#6 DevoDog Jan 24, 2010 19:55:32	We're going to talk to him next weekend at a pub and have a mini intervention, but does anyone have any experiance or advice on how to do this with a hint of decorum and diplomacy? I would greatky appreciate the help! I don't think a pub is the best setting to deal with this. The problem that you're going to have with a mini "intervention" is that, if the entire group is there, the problem child is going to feel ganged up on.  The other side of the coin is that if they're not present, the problem child won't be able to face his "accusers." You'll want to be as direct as possible with the person who's causing the problems.  Don't try to sugar-coat anything.  Be as blunt as necessary.  Listen to what his responses are.  If he understand the problems he's caused and is willing to try to change his behavior, give him ONE chance (and one chance only).  Bear in mind that his one chance might be a catastrophe (you might actually have to ask him to leave in mid-session and it could bring that entire session to a halt).
#7 CCS Jan 25, 2010 1:39:24	Don't expect them to come out of this as friends, but hopefully the newbie can start being civil. I'm sorry, but if civil is the best that be achieved?  It's time for someone to go..... Lifes too short to play games with people you don't like when it can be avoided.
#8 jenrock Jan 25, 2010 11:10:01	Perhaps you and I have different definitions of civility.  What I meant was: complete cessation of the undesired behavior.  I've played games with people who aren't my friends and not only did I have fun, but I was able to establish a relationship with those people.
#9 aleristhes33ker Jan 25, 2010 16:42:59	First of all, try to find reasons why he is so aggressive. One situation can barely change a persons whole attitude. Use the good old trick: Ask him what he would have done in this situation and let him see everything from a different angle. Explain everything to him and if he does not want to settle things, do not hesitate and tell him not to come again. Saving a group is worth more than saving one player.
#10 eredo Jan 25, 2010 16:48:52	Thank you all for the very helpful responses and helpful sujestions. On the pub, we wern't all going to this, just me and onme other player making 3 in total. It's a tough situation, but I thank you all for the good advice.
#11 ravenharm Jan 26, 2010 21:17:50	see if you can give up an update for us =] we can all learn from you.
#12 tsukinousagi Jan 31, 2010 21:45:16	You will learn, that you can be great friends with some people, but they simply won't be great ideas at the game table. Learn to accept that some of your friends simply won't be a good idea to include in your game. Failing to accept this means you really can't expect sympathy.
#13 knaru Feb 02, 2010 4:07:54	First of all, try to find reasons why he is so aggressive. One situation can barely change a persons whole attitude. I definitely have to reiterate this point.  If he did a full 180 from productive player to disruptive jerk, as you seem to suggest, there may be some other underlying cause of his behavior.  This is definitely something I would look into before booting him wholesale from the game. Allow me to give you an anecdotal example of this.  I was a Soldier in the Army.  After a long, gruelling deployment in the Middle East, I returned home to my friends and family.  At first, I was overjoyed to see them and spend time with them.  But, soon after this "honeymoon" phase, I was a horrible person to be around.  I am, for the most part, a happy-go-lucky, rather laid back sort of person; however, because of things I had witnessed and done overseas, I was a bit of a wreck.  I would constantly snap at the people I cared about at the drop of a hat.  My temper was about as volatile as it gets.  Things I would have laughed off before would provoke very caustic, mean-spirited responses.  It wasn't because I wanted to be a jerk, or that I hated these people whom I cared about, and who cared about me.  And, though it may have seemed it at the time, my anger was not because of their actions.  I was suffering from PTSD.  Thankfully, both me and my loved ones were able to recognize and work through this, and I've, for the most part, gotten back to my well-adjusted* self. My point being, there may be something outside of the game that is the root cause of this behavior, and the dangerous roleplaying incident may just be a catalyst.  Talk to him, let him know how you feel, but also find out if there is anything else behind this. *Well-adjusted being a very relative term in this case.