My character, Math ab MacCool, is fluent in Primordial, and recently got into a fight with some gnolls.
Being the smartass that he is, I naturally wanted to insult them, given that Abyssal is basically Primodial with a side of Pure Evil (TM). Thus, this little gem:
"What with you being a bastard elemental's ill-thought attempt to invade a realm that frankly, is a heaven compared to the failed experiment that a divine moron created to blow off steam, I thought I would be able to outsmart you. I still think so."
That got me thinking: How would one insult the various monsterous races in DnD?
"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny" usually said in what the monster's native language is.
And if you don't share a language, a series of crude hand-gestures and pantomimes should probably do the trick.
That always riles up the monsters but good.
Hmm, let's see.
Orcs: "Your mother was an elf" is always good. They're not too bright, poor things... best to keep it simple.
Gnolls: "Now I thought cattle were stupid - but, really, how much intelligence does it take to sneak up on a corpse, carrion-breath?"
Dragons: "Oh, look, matching boots and luggage on the wing." (Note: I do not endorse the insulting of dragons. Use at your own risk, and please be sure your medical insurance is paid up first.)
Kobolds: Redundant. Kobolds are already an insult to themselves. ;)
"You're a monster. grr..."
To anything else:
"You're like a gnome. grr..."
Kobolds: Redundant. Kobolds are already an insult to themselves. ;)
Before 4th Edition, I would agree.
Now though... let's just say: My players have been instilled with a healthy fear of the little buggers.
Before 4th Edition, I would agree.
Now though... let's just say: My players have been instilled with a healthy fear of the little buggers.
He's obviously never had to face d20 Kobolds with AKs.
He's obviously never had to face d20 Kobolds with AKs.
It was a joke... hence the ;) after the sentence.
Even in 3.0, kobolds could (if used properly) challenge a low-level party.
I'll admit, the 4e kobolds (shifty little buggers) are a bit more of a challenge out of the box... but if you used them in conjunction with traps, small tunnels, and the like, 3.0 kobolds could be quite nasty.
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!"
If this fails, hurl a cow at them with a catapult.
I'll admit, the 4e kobolds (shifty little buggers) are a bit more of a challenge out of the box... but if you used them in conjunction with traps, small tunnels, and the like, 3.0 kobolds could be quite nasty.
All you needed was "Favorite class: sorcerer". If the thought of a horde of magic missiles screaming in at your low level party isn't enough to instill a healthy respect...
Elf: "Your mother slept with orcs."
"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny" usually said in what the monster's native language is.
THis works much better than "Your Mother wears combat boots" since, to the more militaristic humanids such as Hobgoblins, it usually translates out to "Your mother wears the footgear of a warrior", which they take as an odd compliment.
Well...That.
My character, Math ab MacCool, is fluent in Primordial, and recently got into a fight with some gnolls.
Being the smartass that he is, I naturally wanted to insult them, given that Abyssal is basically Primodial with a side of Pure Evil (TM). Thus, this little gem:
"What with you being a bastard elemental's ill-thought attempt to invade a realm that frankly, is a heaven compared to the failed experiment that a divine moron created to blow off steam, I thought I would be able to outsmart you. I still think so."
That got me thinking: How would one insult the various monsterous races in DnD?
how about .. your momm'a a plushie
Gibbering Orbs also apparantly have a perversely rational take on life, so you might get somewhere by going "Look out, it's the moon!"
They may take this as a complement though, you never can tell with Gibberers.
failing that and arrow in the eye works like taking candy from a very large baby
current 3.5 transmuter will either go: "NOM NOM NOM" (rhemoraz form) or "sorry chumps, but i gotta leaf you now!" (treant form).
4.0 fighter: whatever corny action hero one-liner type phrase is most appropriate for the situation.
"You are pleasant to look at and well-liked by all."
"I enjoy you company and find you an interesting conversationalist."
"Your skin is smooth and clear of blemishes."
"No one regrets you having been born."
"You are welcome in our community."
"Lemme guess. You're an orphan? You must be, since if you were MY son, I'd kill myself."
(to a Dragon) *enthusiastic child voice* "LOOK A GEKKO!"
(to any BBEG) "Your master plan is so cheezy, I could open up a cheezburger restaurant"
Against a Drow, spoken with mock surprise: "Oh, they have pointy EARS! I knew there had to be SOME point to them."
Against a Tendriculous: "I refuse to be afraid of a creature whose name rhymes with 'ridiculous.'"
Against a halfling/gnome: "You'd best be careful. I essentially outnumber you two to one."
Against a Mind Flayer: **Just stare at them really hard while thinking profane thoughts. They can hear you.**
Against any humanoid fighting you with a sword: "I've seen better fencing around my garden, you twit!"
Against a Minotaur: "Moo."
Against a Dwarf: "Oh, thank heavens you're a dwarf! For a moment I thought a bear had copulated with mud and someone poured it into a hairy barrel."
Against an Orc: "Know why orcs are green? You'd be green too, if you were THAT envious of the Elves." (Works better if you ARE an elf, but is fine either way.)
Against a Succubus: "Moo."
Hope this helps!
- Johnny
That got me thinking: How would one insult the various monsterous races in DnD?
Kill its friends/family/kin.
Works (almost) every time.
On several occasions, in the past, one of my characters has shouted in goblin or orcish "Your momma's so ugly, I thought she was Undead at first." Or "Your momma's so ugly, I thought this was a Troll cave!", something like that.
"Hey tell your mom she was great last night, I left early in the mourning to raise your village to the ground."
(oh the horrible things that chaotic Evil wizard of mine did back in the day)
"You gnome over there shine my boots, or face my wrath." (said to a dwarf)
"Oh my god we found elves, we are saved now quick mug them for there cookies and the profits from kiebler."
"Hello friend orc you seem to have a severe illness it is called life, and i am a doctor of a sorts, so let me cure you."
Melathar the mage "Hey nymph (succubi or other seductress) how about me you and some of your friends have some fun"
Tim the fighter "that really can't count as a taunt."
Melathar "taunt?"
Another method is the Princess Bride approach.
"You fight very well, but I feel there is something that I must tell you."
"And what is that?"
"I am not Left Handed"
Or the simple but clever insult (this one is from a Shirley Temple move) When incountering only 1 monster, such as an Orc.
"OMG there are three of them"
someone else "What? Three Orcs"
"No" glancing down at the feet of the monster "Heels"
"Your loves more than it does you!"
Insulting a Succubus:You look like a nun.
That would work except for Rule 36.
As for insulting a monster ....
Bugbears: Hey, look! More bear claws for the mantle-place!
(For anything in general, really - this example uses Orcs, though): This is my elf-killing knife, and this is my dwarf-killing knife, and this is my hobgoblin-killing knife. Orc-killing knife? Nah, don't need one for those wusses*. Just any old weapon'll do for them.
*Insert appropriate language for your table, if necessary.
Kobolds: You're with Tucker?? Please don't hurt me! *cower in fear and placate in any way possible* (I like Kobolds)
That would work except for Rule 36.
As for insulting a monster ....
Bugbears: Hey, look! More bear claws for the mantle-place!
(For anything in general, really - this example uses Orcs, though): This is my elf-killing knife, and this is my dwarf-killing knife, and this is my hobgoblin-killing knife. Orc-killing knife? Nah, don't need one for those wusses*. Just any old weapon'll do for them.
*Insert appropriate language for your table, if necessary.
Kobolds: You're with Tucker?? Please don't hurt me! *cower in fear and placate in any way possible* (I like Kobolds)
Aren't you thinking of 34? Not 36? 36 involves furries.
46 is the one that involves furries.
Rule 36
Rule 35
Rule 39
"You fight like a dairy farmer!"
"How appropriate, you fight like a cow." *You take two steps backward*
Loved that game.
That got me thinking: How would one insult the various monsterous races in DnD?
From a distance. Preferably with some sort of cover.
Actually 39 is if it involves furries i think.
Rule 36
Rule 35
Rule 39
That's the problem with the Rules of the Internets, the only ones anyone can agree on are 1, 2 and 34.
Actually 39 is if it involves furries i think.
Rule 36
Rule 35
Rule 39
What is 37 and 38?
:D
"I offer redemption or death. And I'm all out of redemption..."
What is 37 and 38?
Frankly, I don't need to know all that badly.
What is 37 and 38?
Why, I'm doing this, I seriously don't know. If you want the whole list, go to Encyclopedia Dramatica - which is entirely NOT SAFE AT ALL - but 37 is not being able to divide by 0 and 38 is something about there not being any limits.
Why, oh why did I ever bring this up?