Some from my group:
- (on a Perception Search check) "You see a rock." "You see your own feet."
- Tiefling Warlock ripped open his robes and was au natural from the waist down
- My halfling rogue PC with Boots of Spider Climbing was on the ceiling of some underground catacombs, after I had pried out an light-emitting orb. Underneath me was a zombified dog (grave hound). I was using a daily power to get the advantage and drop down onto the grave hound. Instead, I did a belly-flop onto the stone floor below... and stayed there until my next turn.
about a month ago my 3.5 warlock was trying out his newly retrained invocation: eldrich glaive.
regretfully i rolled a 1. then failed a 2nd attack roll (the failure confirmation roll) and was told to draw from the fumble deck... (we have a crit deck too)
Double damage to adjecent ally... roll random ally next to me... rogue or paladin... rogue of course and now damage... 42... rogue is dying and bleeding.
at least i managed to kill the enemy on the backswing of the 2nd attack so the pally could stabilize the rogue long enough for the cleric to heal.
A Greater Barghest with a grudge against the party had been hounding them for months. The party Barb in particular had really responded to this villain, so I decided to make the last encounter with him memorable - a one-on-one, samurai showdown style final battle between the Barb and the Barghest.
The two go at it for a while, and it's a pretty intense fight; silence falls around the table as the Barb drops to single-digit HP.
Barghest attacks: natural 1. I roll to see the effect: natural 1.
Barghest crits self and dies.
Our DM explain it like this:
As you jump down into the tunnel you're confronted with a menacing looking drow. With your weapons drawn each of cuts their wrists and arms before battle to try and intimidate him. The Drow doesn't want to be out done so he exclaims, "Is that the best ya'll can do? Watch this!" He then takes his sword and commits Seppuku. He thrusts his sword clean into his side and drags it all the way across. At this time your other members jump down after ya'll and see the drow's guts spill all over the place!
DM: every one roll spot checks.
My die bounces funny and lands in the middle of the play area where everyone sees the Nat 1.
DM: (sigh) looking down you notice your big toe nail is overgrown.
Me: Through my boot?
DM: . . . yes.
In RL I lower my hands showing that I was going to attempt to trim my toe nail with eldritch blast. The dm ruled I shot my toe off. I make some complaint about how I'm high level, it's a touch attack, I should get to make an attack roll.
dm: (shuddering from laughter) its called eldritch BLAST!
That character retired missing a toe, a stone pinky finger, purple skin, horns, glowing, and growing leaves.
To begin with, he enjoyed creating generic character pools. A group of constructs, all with the same stats. When one died, he'd use the same sheet for the next one. Same with the ninjas, but hie messed up big time with the DEX roll. They all had a DEX of 4. As if this wasn't bad enough, the first time one successfully snuck up on his target without tripping or crashing through the roof right on top of the pen of rabid and hyperactive pekingeses, he managed to roll a 1 on his shuriken throw. It was all in fun as he grabbed the d20 and rolled again, getting a 1. He pulled out another d20 and guess what? Another 1. The ruling:
DM(me): The shuriken flies silently through the air, barely making a whisper as it courses, boomerang-like, around the room, making a neat little loop around His Lordship's head, slicing a mosquito in two before it can inject any contaminated blood into him. Barely paused in its path, the shuriken continues its flight, the candlelight gleaming off of it and delighting the guests with it's radiant display. As they applaud this unexpected light show, the little blade heads back your way, neatly cutting the main support rope for the chandelier you were hanging on. Moments before it drops, the shuriken buries itself in your neck. You plunge 40 feet to the floor below, the heavy iron chandelier tumbling over and landing on top of you. The decorative spikes taht you found so handy for holding on to impale your body. Roll for damage.
Needless to say, this was not a serious campaign after that.
My 11th level illusionist had just died a ridiculously embarassing death (fell off of a bridge in an antimagic zone, eaten to death by gargoyles) and I rolled up an 11th level fighter that was min-maxed to the hilt. Two flaws, monkey-gripped large heavy keen adamantine poleaxe, huge strength, high dex, combat reflexes, improved trip, improved sunder, power attack, combat brute, etc. I was there to trip people and then break their stuff, hardcore.
Seriously, before buffs, I was rocking 3d6 +15 damage a hit, without taking power attack (x3 your str if you'd set up with the combat brute feat). It was ugly.
I died 5 minutes after joining the party. We came out of a tower, were faced with a necromancer, a legion of mooks, and a mid-level fighter. This was how it happened:
Round 1-I drink a potion of enlarge person, move
Round 2-double move (lots of ground to cover)
Round 3-Hit with an enervation (an empowered one) for 4 negative levels.
Round 4-Hit by the Invisible Green Hag Assassin with a death attack. That was poisoned. I then proceeded to roll a natural 1 on the poison save, thus taking 2d6 con damage, for a total of 11 Con damage. Then I got to roll the save vs. the death attack. Rolled another natural one. Flavor description stated that I got my throat ripped out as the green hag spit bile down the exposed hole.
To be fair, in another game, my neutral thief/priest burned the DM's PC's keep down, and got him killed while going on a wild goose chase. But really? Really folks?
Everyone else at the table was pretty taken aback by the INVISIBLE GREEN HAG ASSASSIN that just showed up. Didn't see her on the notes when I peeked later, either.
-----The ninja story was good, too.
Flash forward a few sessions, and the gnome returns as a big bad with a serious grudge against the PCs, and designs another death maze for them, this time devoted to killing them once and for all (especially the halfling). Since he hates the halfling so much, the dungeon is filled with tricky traps and locked doors with especially negative consequences for anyone who attempts and fails to disarm them. Obviously a few of these end up harming the halfling.
My favorite one was a poisoned needle. The effects? Every time the character rolled a natural 1 on a physical d20 roll (attacks, physical skills etc.) he sh@t himself. I've never seen anyone roll so many natural 1's in a single session. The stench got so bad that by the end of the dungeon, the dragon boss wouldn't even attack the halfling and instead targeted other PCs who didn't smell like . . . well, s**t.
DM: Uh... no?
Me: Damn, I should probably take off the bunny suit. Can I try again?
DM: Sure one more time.
*Rolls a 1*
Me: Uh... so maybe the hand puppet wasn't as intimidating as I thought?
Other Player: Why can't you take this seriously
Other Player 2:
If my die lands on a 1, I scream primal war yells at it, punch it and demand a written apology, after which I allow it to attempt to atone for its treason by moving of its own volition into a 20.
It turns out I opened a portal to the Plane of Positive Energy. Everyone in the party but me got sucked into it. I was left alone with a Bulette and had to spend four days alone in the wilderness going back to town. The other PCs were fortunate that the DM didn't know that the PoPE would eventually kill you with excessive positive energy.
DM: Oh look... Berries!
Party was in deep trouble in an Outer Plane. We could not win. I wanted to cast Miracle to get everyone home. Rolled a 1. Spell fizzles. TPK next round.
The party was investigating a town that was supposedly doing some not nice things. They go into the town and they get attacked by hordes of zombies. they fight for a long time, and decide to make a tactical retreat. The party druid, who was riding a horse at that time (and pretty low on HP) hears a massive amount of zombies moving through a cornfield. He casts Flame Blade, and proceeds to attempt to light the corn on fire.
Druid: Rolls a 1.
DM (me): Okay, roll to confirm a critical hit.
Druid: Rolls pretty high.
DM: Okay, as you bring your flaming blade down, you are distracted by something out of the corner of your eye. You look away for just long enough for you to lose control of your blade, and accidentally hit your horse in the back of the head with your flaming blade. Ride check, please.
Druid: Rolls another 1.
DM: Okay, as your horse rears back from the pain of being lit on fire, you fall off, doing *rolls* 6 points of damage to you.
Druid: ...I'm unconcious.
So, after all that trouble, he had to get dragged off the battlefield while he was unconcious. We all had a great laugh about it afterwards. I enjoyed it so much that I gave him a gag magic item, "The Scimitar of Corn Bane." Basically it was a regular scimitar that was cornhusk in color, and the hilt was carved to resemble an ear of corn. It has the bane property against corn
The battle goes on for a few rounds, and the Gnome Sorceror, who had ran out of spells, switches to a crossbow. At the beginning of his round, he is standing behind the rogue.
Gnome: Okay, I want to shoot one of those guys.
DM: Okay.
Rogue: Wait, shouldn't you step out from behind me? You might shoot me!
Gnome: It's okay, I never miss!
Gnome rolls dice, and rolls a 1.
DM: Okay, roll damage.
Gnome rolls max damage, which is a 6 (small light crossbow).
DM: Okay, you fire your crossbow, you hear it impact something, and you are very pleased with yourself...until you look up. Your crossbow bolt is embedded in the back of the head of the rogue.
Rogue: Um, with 6 points of damage, that puts me below 0.
DM: Okay, the rogue falls over forward, and the bandits are all looking at you, wondering why you just shot one of your teammates in the back of the head.
Rest of the Party: So...you never miss, huh?
Some of the PCs still say they are going to make T-Shirts that say that on them...
Me: Rather than look into the crowd like your teammates, you look up, and notice a pretty little gull. what's this? it's flying towards you. what's more? a white glob of crap comes flying towards your face. make a reflex save
Rolls a 1
Me: ... you continue to stare at the white glob. what is it? you wonder, and then suddenly it strikes you in the eye. you are sent to the ground reeling in pain, clutching at your eyeball.
The DM's rule that her model gains sentience, grows legs and runs off with the sorceress chasing after it. For the rest of the campaign we would randomly spot the model running somewhere in the background still trying to escape the sorceress.
Being a paladin with my CHA to all saves I'm not too worried until I roll a 1... being a prequel and the DM wanting things to kinda go a certain way he says its a B.S. roll and to re-roll it... another one.. and another.. after all was said and done I'd rolled 17 1's in a row.. IN A ROW!? We figured out the odds of doing that was somewere in the billions to one I think.
The odds are 13,107,200,000,000,000,000,000, which is said as '13 sextillion 107 quintillion 200 quadrillion'.
-6 on atk rolls until your hand is healed....
---
but it even better when your GM roll a 1 ^^ that roll made me a drunken master
under the quest to be drunken master !!
(well i was in a inn.... and the rest of the party reliced the town was full of Zombies...´well... i just like drinking so i dont care...)
after a day of a drinking battle agenst the Drunken Grandmaster, alee, wine, stronger wine, XXXblackDrangonblood, it came to the final count down...
the great horn of 20litter 99% alco V-KingBlood (ps the DM realy like v-kingblood )
and in the final battle he roll a 1... folowed by me who roll a 20 (im sooo great)
i gues my gm realy tryed to stop me from being a drunken master (belive he think it just gonna make me play like an idiot) so after 1 min he looked at me... Fine you are a Drunken master....
Love when GM roll 1 ^^
DM: Alright, you knock the arrow, pull back on the string, take perfect aim...and let go of the wrong end XD
Me: I want to ride the dragon into the air and jump off to attack the elementalist.
DM: OK. You climb on the dragon's back, and it takes off. You reach an altitude of 100 feet.
Me: Alright, I jump off to attack the elementalist.
DM: Roll
~Rolls~ Its a one.
You jump off the dragon. As you fall the elementalist looks up and sees you. Just as you are about to hit, the elementalist steps out of the way. You land on your knees and break both of them. The elementalist looks at you, laughs, and walks away.
Dragon: I told you not to do it.
The odds are 13,107,200,000,000,000,000,000, which is said as '13 sextillion 107 quintillion 200 quadrillion'.
I'm comfortable claiming that seventeen 20's in a row have never been rolled on any fair set of dice anywhere in the universe since the Big Bang.
Ah, the wonders of confirmation bias.
Level 6 Elf Ranger, fighting a Chillborn Zombie. Used Twin Strike.
The first attack hit the target and dealt 22 points of damage.
The second attack was a 1. Hit his foot, double damage. Dealt 22 points to himself and he'll be slowed for a while. ^^
One of the few times I ran a preconstructed, the group was playing on the 3.5 adventure that involves a Tower in a bay that was left by a Wizard on 'auto-pilot' so to speak. It was designed to trap random people in the tower who teleported, so that the Wizard could steal their gear [thanks to a Suggestion spell that lead them into a room that froze them solid.] Now, on the bottom floor there is a maze in this tower, and so the Rogue was leader the way and in the center he triggered a horrible little trap.
He was forced to teleport. [and thus caught in the tower's spell.] So we both left the room to discuss the situation...
He found himself in a room that gave him a suggestion to go down a floor, yet he managed to will save it. Not knowing that he passed the save, he walked downstairs anyways. Two beings [a Succubus and a Fey of sorts with a Mind Flayer helm] had taken up shop in the absence of the Wizard. The Rogue expertly managed to spot them before they did him, and rolled his hide check...
1.
Ouch. They saw him. Now, at this point he attempted to best them in combat. He criticaled the Fey, killing her instantly but was quickly grappled by the Succubus who began to Level Drain him with her kisses/****. Down to level 1, when she decided that he was no longer fun. After she found out there were more, rather powerful people making their way up, she degeared him, shape changed into him, and then put him under a suggestion to not say a word or do anything.
So when we went back to the table, the other members in the group forced their way through the tower [which took them an hour or so in character]. Many shenanigans erupted with the Rogue's player playing the Succubus in his body. Took them awhile to realize that it was a fake, since the Succubus was leading them into trapped windows, and what not.
also at navar - :-p really. Rolling for spells that don't have DCs in most uses? I mean, thats the entire point of not using armor and casting spells is that your tricks always work, like miracle, usually. (Exact reason why you cast magic missiles, wwall of force, maze.)
The odds are 1 out of 13,107,200,000,000,000,000,000, which is said as 1 chance in '13 sextillion 107 quintillion 200 quadrillion'.
Fixed ;)
For those who like percentages: 0.0000000000000000000000762939453125%
He was a warhammer wielding paladin of Hieroneous, and we were all clearing out a den/cave of kobolds. While fighting the last dregs, he rolled a 1 on an attack. So he rolled a d100 to see what the fumble was. ... He kneecapped himself. Rolled max damage, shattered his leg, and fell before a gang of kobolds (who finished him off).
The game was over then due to every one of us
.Fixed ;)
For those who like percentages: 0.0000000000000000000000762939453125%
Needless to say, my luck hasn't been bad since then
I've hardly ever rolled a 1 on my d20 since :PNeedless to say, my luck hasn't been bad since then
you've probably rolled out every bit of bad luck you will have for a very long time
Fighter rolls a natural 1.
Fighter: Look at the pretty bug!
Rogue also rolls a natural 1.
Rogue: Wow! That IS a pretty bug!
Players are hiking through a swamp, about to get ambushed by croc-a-things. Perception checks to notice something when they come upon a strange, uprooted tree.
Fighter rolls a natural 1.
Fighter: Look at the pretty bug!
Rogue also rolls a natural 1.
Rogue: Wow! That IS a pretty bug!
I think this is probably one of the only reasons why I really like 3.X was that you can get so specialized if you need to be, you just can't fail against your specialties when you do it right.
DM: You did so poorly, you PUT a trap there and set it off. Take one point of subdual damage.
And, later in that Campaign:
Rogue: I search for traps. *rolls high enough.*
DM: You, in fact, find a trap on the door.
Rogue: I try to disable it. *rolls a 1*
*sickle swings out, poisoning him, and knocking him unconcious.*
Our NPC healer is crouching over the Rogue, trying to help him.
Rogue Wakes up: I'm BLIND!
Party Fighter: Hey, [character], how many fingers am I holding up?
Rogue: *Stabs forward at the voice.*
Healer NPC: OW! *falls back, pretty badly injured.*
DM: After grumbling about "ungrateful #######s, she casts Greater Restoration. You still can't see.
We called it "God-Poison."
Still not as bad as when my character was thrown to another edition of D&D, merely to kill him.
Female Bard: "Perform Check! I come out on stage wearing a scanty outfit that shows off my body, and makes me look good, and as I mince onto the stage blowing kisses to the judges. . ." ". . . I apparently trip over my own high heels and face plant onto the stage."
DM: "Did you just roll a 1?"
Bard: "Yeah. . . I try to tumble back onto my feet and make it seem like I meant to do that. . ." "Oh COME ON!"
DM: ". . . again?"
Bard: "Yeah. . ."
DM: ". . . I'm gonna argue that she just plowed straight into the judges' table and knocked one of them out of his chair."
Bard: "That's fair. . ."
later in the campaign my druid was haunted by this ghost that was suppose to know everything about the royalty of the land. Figured that would be useful was we had to go investigate the nobility to try and find who has been plotting against the king. Each time I had to ask this ghost anything I rolled a 1, so yeah the ghost that know all the nobility couldn't remeber a thing (or mixed stuff up). By the end of the day my druid had an intense hatred towards undead
I ended up with an Int check of -1.
The gnome needed to get on board a burning ship quickly, so I picked him up, performed a mighty leap off the end of the dock, and hurled him over the edge. I, in full-plate, sank to the bottom of the bay.
Back in 3.5:
I was playing a level 10 dwarven TWF ranger in an underground campaign(wielding two dwarven waraxes, I was using a feat to let me wield two regular sized weapons) and was always the scout for the party, at least 40 feet ahead of the party. We come upon a narrow corridor, when I see eyeballs. Right when I am about to go back to warn my party, one of my valiant companions won't wait for me to come back and report and yells "DID YOU FIND ANYTHING YET?"
Of course the DM then had a hay day since that character also was holding the parties light source, he was a human. So the band of half demon orcs all unleashed their arrows on him(there were 12 sitting there) making for a fun time. At the same time I see a big badass mount the wall the orcs were hiding behind. So I decide to be the bold ranger, and make a daring leap on top of the wall to keep the archers busy while my party closes the gap. I roll a 19 on my jump check, 18 on my balance, and I land perfectly in front of t he big bad ass. So I spent my next turn unleashing my full attack on the bastard, and what do I get? Natural 1, drop my main electric dwarven waraxe. Ok, nothin too bad, roll for my offhand, ANOTHER natural 1. There goes my flaming dwarven waraxe. So I now stand there just holding my johnson facing an ogre with a greataxe in each hand. My response? "They were just for balance anyway!" said **** it and threw an unarmed attack since I had a spiked gauntlet. Natural 1. DM ruled I broke a spike on the ogres armor and it was now a normal gauntlet.My response?
"Ok, now I might be in a lil trouble."
Entering a later building the following exchange takes place:
*everyone rolls perception checks while appraching the entrance as we're being cautious(
Me: *rolls a 1 and goes for a laugh* I see dragon!"
*everyone laughs*
Player: So what do we see.
DM: You're in some sort of shrine. On the walls are murals depicting Dragons-
Me: *gesturing triumphantly* AHA!
DM: *sighs*
I then went on to roll alot more 1s that session with continued dragon references. Our group now refers to rolling 1 for perception as "seeing a dragon".
Another time I was (as the most social skilled party member) charged with interogating a captured ambusher. Using magic to boost my abilities I managed to get a +21 on my diplomacy check... and rolled a 1.
With my captive now screaming and hysterical from fear I decide to capitalize on this with intimidate (which had an even higher bonus as I had more skill ranks in it). The DM approves of my thinking amd I roll a 1.
DM: You've no affect on the captive but the dragon is utterly terrified.
Me: He should be considering how many times I've hit him in the game.
Yes I roll lots of 1s. I await my epic confrontation with my draconic nemesis...
He proceeded on bravely, as a fighter should destroying all the traps that he encountered and waylaying zombies and other undead as he went with his two silvered disrupting hand axes
With the rest of the party, he found the grand oak doors to the lair of the vampire. the rest of the party was still trying to figure out how to get out of the basement, and Frank didn't want to wait. and so, he charged into battle.
Frank: I charge in!
DM(Me): alright, as you go in, you see the vampire clad in the finery of nobles, and he begins saying, "Ah yes, one of the beasts that has invaded my tower. I'm surprised you came alone, if at all-"
Frank: Screw him! I throw one of my axes! *Rolls a 1*
DM: The vampire stares at you dissaprovingly as your axe soars wide an out the window. Good luck finding that in the marsh.
Frank: I Throw the other one! *Rolls 1*
DM: somehow you manage to throw your axe out the other window this time. Suddenly, you hear a loud "GWAR!" and the sound of axe hitting flesh. The vampire peers out of the window and says, "You've got quite the arm on you. that pesky vampire hunter has been bothering me for months, and you took his face in a single throw!"
I was running a game with my uncle once. Let's call him Frank. so Frank was separated from the party as they were hunting a vampire. They fell to the bottom of a giant well, at the bottom of which was a group of owlbears I had intended as a full party battle. those guys did great, but Frank's character made the save to keep from falling and yelled down to them "I'll keep going!"
He proceeded on bravely, as a fighter should destroying all the traps that he encountered and waylaying zombies and other undead as he went with his two silvered disrupting hand axes
With the rest of the party, he found the grand oak doors to the lair of the vampire. the rest of the party was still trying to figure out how to get out of the basement, and Frank didn't want to wait. and so, he charged into battle.
Frank: I charge in!
DM(Me): alright, as you go in, you see the vampire clad in the finery of nobles, and he begins saying, "Ah yes, one of the beasts that has invaded my tower. I'm surprised you came alone, if at all-"
Frank: Screw him! I throw one of my axes! *Rolls a 1*
DM: The vampire stares at you dissaprovingly as your axe soars wide an out the window. Good luck finding that in the marsh.
Frank: I Throw the other one! *Rolls 1*
DM: somehow you manage to throw your axe out the other window this time. Suddenly, you hear a loud "GWAR!" and the sound of axe hitting flesh. The vampire peers out of the window and says, "You've got quite the arm on you. that pesky vampire hunter has been bothering me for months, and you took his face in a single throw!"
LAWL!
Being a kind DM, I nerfed the flameskulls a bit, hoping that would help. Luckily, their bites didn't do any damage to the PCs, but their Fireballs were brutal. Everyone in the party took damage at least once, and at least half the PCs were bloodied. We managed to kill off one flameskull out of sheer luck with a combo of Cloud of Daggers (from one of the Wizards) and Holy Smite (from the Paladin).
Finally, our Tiefling Wizard had enough. There was one flameskull left, and he wanted to take it out with everything he had. He used Shock Sphere.
Except that he rolled a 1 when attacking the skull. Instead, he jolted himself (no damage). When he rolled attacks against the rest of the party, he knocked two PCs below 0 HP, rendering them unconscious.
Me: (sensing a TPK and being lenient) "The flameskull cannot believe what he's seen. He is laughing so hard, he is literally on the ground, rolling in laughter. He is prone."
The Tiefling Ranger was able to finally roll high enough to kill the darn thing.
Party Cleric: I want to use nature to see what I can figure out about it. *rolls a 1*
(OCC): Damnit
DM: You fail epicly, you have no idea what they are.
PC: Hey guys, I think they're BEARS!
Rest of Party: Small, scaled bears?
PC: Hey, you never know.
The DM had him spontaneously combust O.O
In a very old campaign (See: Shortly after 3.5 came out), I was playing a ranger solo against something that was slightly inappropriately leveled in a Colosseum. (Not entirely sure, it was a long time ago, but I was getting my ass handed to me)
Anyway, the fight goes on for a few turns, and finally the monster rolls a natural 1. The DM rolled for epic failure, and it rolled another 1. The third die was yet another 1, so the following happened:
The monster tries to hit you, but ends up sending its attack up into the stands. Unfortunately, it hits a level 20 Sorcerer who was up there, who get ****** off and sends a level 20 Sudden-Maximized-Empowered Fireball at it. The monster is dead, and you win on a technicality.
A friend and I, both rogues, are running through an obstacle course to prove our worth to a hostile tribe of poison dusk lizardfolk.We're standing on a tall pillar and have to get over the pit of spikes separating it from another tall pillar.
Friend: I'll throw my grappling hook over! (Succeeds) Okay, now we'll climb to the other side.
- Me: (Wisely thinking of all the ways this could go wrong) Wait, let's tie ourselves to the rope so we can't fall.
- Friend: Good idea!
And so, it is done. We begin to shimmy across, and at first all seems to go well ... until I rolled a 1 on my climb check.
- DM: Your hands slip off the rope. Because you tied yourself off first, you're now dangling like a sack of meat several hundred feet above the spikes.
- Friend: Don't worry, I'll pull you back up! (Rolls a natural 1 on her Use Rope check).
- DM: ... Okay, as you try to pull him back up you find that he is far, far too heavy for you. You're pulled off as well.
- Friend and I: Well, crap. I guess let's try to get back up. (Natural 1 for me, natural 20 for her).
- DM: Okay, she manages to claw her way awkwardly back onto the rope. You, however, end up foolishly untying your cord by mistake, and thus you plummet to your doom. You take ... (rolls) 20 damage.
I languish in the pit trap for a few more turns as my friend gets to the other side safely.
- Friend: I'll throw my rope down and pull you up! (Natural 1)
- DM: As you start pulling him up, your puny arms betray you. Your grip on the rope weakens and he falls back into the pit. He takes ... (rolls) 17 damage.
- Me: Nice work, thanks.
- Friend: I'll try again! (Same result.)
Three more times does this repeat. I'm now at about 3 HP, and my group is dying with laughter as I die from puncture wounds. My friend leaves the obstacle course alone, after having found an epic artifact that gives her total concealment as a static property sitting near the exit.
- DM: The lizardfolk crown you their new queen for the cold-hearted way in which you merciless humiliated your comrade before killing him.
- Me: **** you guys.
This was back in the AD&D days, in one of those classic campaigns where you wandered into a dungeon for no adequately explored reason and tried to get as far as you could before some tragic mishap wiped out the party.
The party consisted of a Wizard, a Rogue, and my Paladin; right up until the incident, we'd been enjoying an unprecedented degree of success. This was mostly due to the fact that we'd gotten incredible rolls during character generation; having characters with average stats of 14 or so was really exciting back when you rolled 3d6 in order for your Ability scores.
And then it happened. I went to attack a Goblin, rolled a one, and then rolled another one. The DM reached for the Critical Fumble table, and I rolled something like 3 more ones in a row. Decapitated the Rogue, disemboweled myself, and then hurled my sword through the Wizard.
The world's unluckiest Paladin went down in history, and another party of ill-fated adventurers wandered into the dungeon.
Later in the same fight, during which I failed to do anything useful other than soak hits while we frantically tried to get the Warforged back into fighting fit so he could Lead the Attack without getting mauled. My bizarre luck continued, as I again tried to Brute Strike the boss of the orcs we were fighting. Natural one. DM starts laughing, because once again, the only ally within range is the Warforged Warlord. I roll a natural one. DM is suprised, Forgelord breathes a sigh of relief, and then jokingly says I should have to roll against an enemy instead. I do so, and roll a natural twenty. I do exactly as much damage to the Orc Chieftain as I did to Forgelord. Chief goes down and the DM rules that I swing for the Chief's head, miss, lose my grip on my axe again swing all the way around at a the warforged's head, but since that isn't there, he keeps going all the way around and decapitate the Chief anyway. After this, the party introduces me as "Dimli, the Dwarf who killed an Orc Chieftain in single combat, accidentally."
Orc has a great axe, and it wins initiative. I roll a natural 20 for it and it scores a critical hit. We were using (and still use) the Combat and Tactics critical hit chart.
Friend: Wouldn't it be really funny if the orc hits his head?
I roll dice.
Me: Its a head shot.
Friend: Wouldn't it be really funny if he got his head cut off by an orc?
I roll dice.
Me: He cuts off your head.
Ironically, the paladin already had a hook on his left arm, due to the fact that it was cut off by an orc with a great axe on his very first adventure in the campaign.
I don't think any of my bother's future characters ever fought in the arena again.