She's Loud
Doesnt pay attention to the game
We are almost half way through Heroic and She doesnt know her powers
AND She refuses to take her character home or at least come early and read through it
beacuse of that she takes forever on her turns
She has hit on another player to the point of asking him to meet her parents
We arent comfortable eating anything when she is here, she always asks for some
And yesterday she ate a bunch of my marshmellows, AFTER she picked her nose.....( this is the first time she didnt finish the bag of marshmellows, **weeps over half full bag in the garbage**)
Those are reasons to kick her out, and here are some reasons NOT to
She will most definately pull a tantrum, or cry
she lives in our building
We think she might be mentally Ill
She lives in our building
Tell her we wont be playing anymore, but start a new game or continue without here
Problem with this plan... she lives in our building.
HALP! I have no idea what to do!
Should be straight up tell her we dont want to play with her and suggest D&D isnt for her anyways?
or should we go with sneaky evil "Play without Her" plan
Why not give her an ultimatum? Tell her that these behaviors are a problem for you and the group. Then either:
A) Give her the chance to change them under threat of being removed.
1) Simply remove her while stating these reasons.
If you can't do that, institute a few rules like...
Start timing turns, if she takes to long, skip her turn.
No talking outside your turn, else you loose you're turn.
Edit: sneaky evil is not the way to go
Are you the only person having a problem with her behavior? Make sure that it is the group concensus that she needs to go before you do anything. Make sure that the other players want her gone as well. Then decide if the group is willing to give her another chance if she promises to change to fit better with the group. Don't do this immediately after a bad session with her. Call the group together an hour or so before gametime and discuss it then. That way she isn't likely to hear it from an individual in the group before you are all ready to handle the situation.
Be honest. Be compassionate. Tell her she isn't fitting in with the group and that she is not invited to come to the next session. When she asks why, simply tell her that there are personality conflicts. If she wants to hear more, give her a few examples of what she does that makes everyone uncomfortable around her. Don't say too much, 2 or 3 things is enough. Do not be aggressive when you tell her these things. Do not rattle them off rapid-fire. You are not attacking her. You are telling her how everyone feels about her. If she feels she is being attacked, then she will become defensive and will stop listening to you. You may not be able to control her reaction, but you can do your part in letting her down as easy as possible. If she wants to try to make amends, that is when you go ahead with your already agreed upon course of action.
You could turn out all the lights and quietly hide in a backroom and not answer the door every time she tries to come over.
Or just say the group has too many people.
Or simply say she is being distruptive and ask her to modify her behavior.
As stated, tell her. Give her a chance to redeem herself.
If she succeeds, great. Keep an eye out for recurring problems.
If she doesn't succeed, tell her she is no longer welcome at the table.
If she pitches a fit, too bad. Worst case scenario, you can always call the police.
...of course, in the event that you are simply not particularly an expert of typography, here is my advice. First, assess your situation. Is she a necessary part of your group? Is she your friend outside of the gaming table? Does she have any hope of redemption? If you answered no to all three questions, there is no reason to keep her around unless she brings her own marshmallows.
The reasons you state are either very childish or, what I believe, not entirely connected to the game.
First, above every other thing, ask the rest of your group about it.
One should also see mistakes in themselves, not in others, talk about it with her and keep this in your mind.
One last thing, I have some players on my own who are loud, uninterrested and don't know their character well.
The reason why they still are in the group is simple:
A person can bring more to the table than just D&D. In my case, these guys are the core of humor in our group.
Think about it.
Think about it.
Yes, you could think about it, or.... the next time she comes over you and everyone else in the group could start running around the room, waving your arms and shouting about "poison gas! poison gas!" until she left.
Yes, you could think about it, or.... the next time she comes over you and everyone else in the group could start running around the room, waving your arms and shouting about "poison gas! poison gas!" until she left.
I would refrain from doing this.
Yes, this thread was partly to Rant, I mean, I've only been playing for a couple of years, and I've never wanted a person out of our party. And YES we have talked to her about her behaviour and asked her to tone it down, twice before.
The big reason I'm having a hard time telling her we dont want her in D&D is the fact that I invited her, I though she was imaginative and would be great, I had no idea she would care so little about the game. And I never thought someone would be so obnoxious and refuse to learn the game, even after a few months of playing.
Thanks for the Advice crmrscorpio, I really had no idea how to tell her. I know the sneaky way is cowardly but I only wanted to find a way to get her out of the game without hurting her feelings.
Being obtuse, sneaky, drawn-out, lying, deceptive, or evasive will hurt her feelings more by orders of magnitudes.
Be honest. Tell her you don't think the situation is going to work out. Bring to light to her the same issues you raise here (but be a little nicer about it, yeah?) Offer to hang out in another capacity, maybe. If she asks, be prepared to point her to game-finding resources (I don't think she'll ask, but hey). Don't assume that she knows you're fed up. Allow her a chance to mend her ways, but make it clear what your complaints are (humans in general suck at communicating what bothers them about others until they are SO MAD RRGH
). You get the idea, yes? Be calm, and maybe she won't firebomb the building. That she lives in. That you also live/game in. Like you may have mentioned. Once.
She's Loud
I'm loud too and a few of my friends are as well. Not a valid reason to dump her.
Doesnt pay attention to the game
Valid reason to dump her. Explain that YOUR time and the others time means something and to stop wasting it by merely 'being in the room'. Play the game, or stop entirely.
We are almost half way through Heroic and She doesnt know her powers
Not a valid reason, not everyone has a good memory, mine sucks as well.
AND She refuses to take her character home or at least come early and read through it
beacuse of that she takes forever on her turns
Heck I have watched friggin veterans take forever on a turn just debating hot to squeeze one more friggin +1 out of the system. Thus not a valid reason.
She has hit on another player to the point of asking him to meet her parents
Hmmm this is GOING to be a problem. But hey, as long as she keeps her clothes on at the game, who cares why one of other players occasionally arrives all smiles eh.
We arent comfortable eating anything when she is here, she always asks for some
Oh grow up. Either offer her some, or don't. If you don't want to give her any, don't. What's she going to do, take it anyway? She's not obligated to reciprocate. You are not obliged to feed her.
And yesterday she ate a bunch of my marshmellows, AFTER she picked her nose.....( this is the first time she didnt finish the bag of marshmellows, **weeps over half full bag in the garbage**)
Gross, would not impress me, and I would tell her flat out to replace the bag.
Those are reasons to kick her out, and here are some reasons NOT to
She will most definately pull a tantrum, or cry
she lives in our building
We think she might be mentally Ill
So what. If she freaks out and kills herself it's not your fault.
She lives in our building
Lucky you.
In the end, I think the group needs to get a grip and just decide, is she in or not.
I would boot her just on the basis of reason Two if nothing else. I don't feel like gaming with people that simply ain't really there for any other reason than to socilaize. Time is precious. Game time is game time. I have a local that has done the show up during game time even though I made it plain I would be busy. I made it plain I was not planning to entertain him in any fashion. That included not having any seating available.
DM: Ok, Dave, your turn. Dave!
Dave: ** looks up from Magic cards ** Huh?
DM: It's your turn.
Dave: Ok, what happened?
DM: Ok, Dave's character was not paying attention and is staring at his shoes. Joe, your turn, what do you do?
Seriously, since you talked to her twice, try one last time with all the group togheter if you talked to her alone the two last times. She might take it more seriously if she see that the whole group is having a problem with her behaviors and really realise she on the door step. Tell her what you guys expect from her. Give her responsabilities over the game. She might grow more interest. Enthrall her.
And if nothing change, ask her to leave short and sweet.
And then move !
If you said no to all of these questions, then kick ther the ckuf out of your game and don't look back. If you said yes to any of these questions, then you've got to be a grown up about it because she has a measure of power over you guys.
My personal advice is to make your lives a lot easier and kick her out. As a DM I kicked a couple people out. One because I personally dispised him and the other because she didn't actually want to play.
Kicking out the kid I dispised was tough because other players liked him, but the truth was a jerk who was actually trying to compete with me instead of play with me. He had an attitude, he treated d&d like it was an MMORPG, and obviously underestimated how much of a bastard I can be.
The second player was tough, she is one of my good friends and was fun when she actually played. The problem was that most of the time she didn't want to be there. She was just gaming because her boyfriend was. She always wanted to end the game short, and since she smoked cigarettes she always wanted to game at her house, which was an inconvenience for me. Eventually I had to sit her down and say, "Listen, I can't take the smoke anymore, you rarely play when you are here, you cut the game off early, and since we play at your place you can cancel the games. This isn't working."
I lost both her and her boyfriend but my game is stronger and a lot more fun now. Being truthful is important, but you have to have the backbone to follow through. Not only are you suffering, so is your group.
Good Luck, let us know how it goes. Seriously, you only have to be mature about it if you answered yes to one or more of those above questions.
I'm waiting for these;
"One of my players ordered a pizza for us, paid for it, and ordered it with green peppers! I hate green peppers! How do I kick him out of my game without him punching me in the face?"
"One of my players used my bathroom and used the good towels! How do I kick him out of game without him throwing a fit?"
"One of my players is NOT an unattractive, 40 year old, social reject. How do I kick him out of my game on the best of terms?"
It just pisses me off. The whole point of D&D is to be a social expirence, bring people together, and have fun. Instead it turns into friggin survivor. I know most people are not as patient as me when it comes to most everything, (besides ofcourse rejection and explusion which I have no tolerance for). But it wouldn't kill anyone to try.
In all seriousness, this is why I pick on D&D players. Everyday I see a new "kick someone out of the group" thread... Your reason amounts to she's a newbie. Well no friggin duh she's going to be loud, not know her crap, and showup late. She's gotta' get used to the game.
I'm waiting for these;
"One of my players ordered a pizza for us, paid for it, and ordered it with green peppers! I hate green peppers! How do I kick him out of my game without him punching me in the face?"
"One of my players used my bathroom and used the good towels! How do I kick him out of game without him throwing a fit?"
"One of my players is NOT an unattractive, 40 year old, social reject. How do I kick him out of my game on the best of terms?"
It just pisses me off. The whole point of D&D is to be a social expirence, bring people together, and have fun. Instead it turns into friggin survivor. I know most people are not as patient as me when it comes to most everything, (besides ofcourse rejection and explusion which I have no tolerance for). But it wouldn't kill anyone to try.
I think the biggest thing is the fact that she's developed a stalkeresque level of attraction towards one of the other players...a bunch of other minor stuff was listed, which everyone seems to be picking out just to make it seem like it's a trivial matter, and I do agree that D&D is meant to be a social game...just not THAT social. I've been unfortunate enough to see a few situations like these years back before I discovered my current and very much awesome group...in all honesty, I'm surprised "Bob" hasn't left the campaign yet as it sounds like he is very uncomfortable with the situation.
I guess I should've made it clear that this isnt just my opinion. I have talked to the DM, and the other players, and we all feel like she is wasting time and has very little to add to the party. Sure,we have our laughs every once in a while, but we find it hard to look over her behaviour when we have been asking her to read over at least her At-Will powers since the fist level, we have to tell her to talk quieter every session, and the other player, lets call him Bob, has had to refuse her advances and invitations to move in together multiple times.
Yes, this thread was partly to Rant, I mean, I've only been playing for a couple of years, and I've never wanted a person out of our party. And YES we have talked to her about her behaviour and asked her to tone it down, twice before.
The big reason I'm having a hard time telling her we dont want her in D&D is the fact that I invited her, I though she was imaginative and would be great, I had no idea she would care so little about the game. And I never thought someone would be so obnoxious and refuse to learn the game, even after a few months of playing.
Thanks for the Advice crmrscorpio, I really had no idea how to tell her. I know the sneaky way is cowardly but I only wanted to find a way to get her out of the game without hurting her feelings.
Where are you from? Canada? Britain? I haven't seen someone type "behaviour" in a long time.
To answer your question get her out of the group, or the potential "suitor" she so chooses will run away from your game.
In all seriousness, this is why I pick on D&D players. Everyday I see a new "kick someone out of the group" thread... Your reason amounts to she's a newbie. Well no friggin duh she's going to be loud, not know her crap, and showup late. She's gotta' get used to the game.
I'm waiting for these;
"One of my players ordered a pizza for us, paid for it, and ordered it with green peppers! I hate green peppers! How do I kick him out of my game without him punching me in the face?"
"One of my players used my bathroom and used the good towels! How do I kick him out of game without him throwing a fit?"
"One of my players is NOT an unattractive, 40 year old, social reject. How do I kick him out of my game on the best of terms?"
It just pisses me off. The whole point of D&D is to be a social expirence, bring people together, and have fun. Instead it turns into friggin survivor. I know most people are not as patient as me when it comes to most everything, (besides ofcourse rejection and explusion which I have no tolerance for). But it wouldn't kill anyone to try.
Well, you've obviously never had to deal with a player who's behavior caused one or more people to quit. I tell you what I'd rather get rid of the one person everybody hates, then have everybody quit showing up on me. Sometimes, life isn't about right or wrong idealistic choices. Sometimes somebody has to go.
However, I know exactly what you are talking about. I've seen games (not d&d, mind you) get so popular that people start looking for excuses to kick others out so that more different, more well liked people can join.
I'll say this. As a DM, I refuse to allow somebody into my game that I don't like. I won't beat around the bush about it, kill your character or move the game without telling you. I'll flat out tell you that I don't like you and that I'm sorry for ever letting you in in the first place. As a DM the fun for me is about putting on a show for my buddies. As a player its all about hanging out with my buddies. Regardless of which role I'm in, I'm always down to make new friends.
As a player though, its all about what the group wants. If everybody hates this girl, get rid of her. While D&D is and should be a social even designed to bring people together, there is no reason it should bring everybody together to have a bad time. Ideals are sweet, but D&D is just a game, who you play it with, is part of the real world. Sometimes those two things just don't mix.
Your reason amounts to she's a newbie.
Where on earth did you get that idea?
We are almost half way through Heroic and She doesnt know her powers
So no, she isn't a newbie.
She refuses to take her character home or at least come early and read through it
Even if she were a newbie, she'd be a newbie who's refusing to learn her character, let alone all the rules of the game.
She's Loud
Doesnt pay attention to the game
She has hit on another player to the point of asking him to meet her parents
We arent comfortable eating anything when she is here, she always asks for some
And yesterday she ate a bunch of my marshmellows, AFTER she picked her nose.....( this is the first time she didnt finish the bag of marshmellows, **weeps over half full bag in the garbage**)
And these have nothing whatsoever to do with being a newbie.
Anyway, yeah, what happened, OP?
In all seriousness, this is why I pick on D&D players. Everyday I see a new "kick someone out of the group" thread... Your reason amounts to she's a newbie. Well no friggin duh she's going to be loud, not know her crap, and showup late. She's gotta' get used to the game.
I'm waiting for these;
"One of my players ordered a pizza for us, paid for it, and ordered it with green peppers! I hate green peppers! How do I kick him out of my game without him punching me in the face?"
"One of my players used my bathroom and used the good towels! How do I kick him out of game without him throwing a fit?"
"One of my players is NOT an unattractive, 40 year old, social reject. How do I kick him out of my game on the best of terms?"
It just pisses me off. The whole point of D&D is to be a social expirence, bring people together, and have fun. Instead it turns into friggin survivor. I know most people are not as patient as me when it comes to most everything, (besides ofcourse rejection and explusion which I have no tolerance for). But it wouldn't kill anyone to try.
Well, you've obviously never had to deal with a player who's behavior caused one or more people to quit. I tell you what I'd rather get rid of the one person everybody hates, then have everybody quit showing up on me. Sometimes, life isn't about right or wrong idealistic choices. Sometimes somebody has to go.
However, I know exactly what you are talking about. I've seen games (not d&d, mind you) get so popular that people start looking for excuses to kick others out so that more different, more well liked people can join.
I'll say this. As a DM, I refuse to allow somebody into my game that I don't like. I won't beat around the bush about it, kill your character or move the game without telling you. I'll flat out tell you that I don't like you and that I'm sorry for ever letting you in in the first place. As a DM the fun for me is about putting on a show for my buddies. As a player its all about hanging out with my buddies. Regardless of which role I'm in, I'm always down to make new friends.
As a player though, its all about what the group wants. If everybody hates this girl, get rid of her. While D&D is and should be a social even designed to bring people together, there is no reason it should bring everybody together to have a bad time. Ideals are sweet, but D&D is just a game, who you play it with, is part of the real world. Sometimes those two things just don't mix.
I think Jack's definitely got the right idea, honestly I think DnD time is too fun and too short to waste on being with people you don't like. I think cheap tricks and stealthily kicking someone out is a bad way to go. Usually things like that just lead to the person figuring it out and then being rightfully angry that nobody just told them to pack up and leave. Honestly, talk to the person, tell them why you don't think it's working out any more and why it's over.
Our group has all agreed that her behaviour jusified her being kicked out, and since than our group has made a lot more progress, had more fun, and run a lot smoother.
Thanks for all of the valid advice, it really helped putting everything in perspective =D
We have gotten her out of the game, we told her that her that since she hasnt learned her character completely and leaves half way through the session that the game might not be the best idea. She agreed and left the game without any problems.
Our group has all agreed that her behaviour jusified her being kicked out, and since than our group has made a lot more progress, had more fun, and run a lot smoother.
Thanks for all of the valid advice, it really helped putting everything in perspective =D
It looks like you phrased things in a way that wouldn't make the issue about her bad behavior, just really obvious stuff that's essential for play. Good work!
We have gotten her out of the game
Glad you did and turned out better for everyone, without having the need to move LOL
You probably succeeded on your Diplomacy check Aided by others
Glad it worked out for you.