Offensive Player Character - Downloaded from the Wizards Community, all coding removed by Solauren

Offensive Player Character

Post/Author/DateTime Post
#1
ghostlyjester
Apr 06, 2011 2:54:04 I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons for awhile now, and our group has a new player. She's a nice girl, and I know she means well, but the situation's a little complicated.

The character she's playing is a male schizophrenic (who happens to be black and a drug user, which definitely got some eyes rolling at the table and grumbles of racial insensitivity), and she's doing a poor job of it. The other players find the character kind of annoying, but for some reason the DM loves him (and gives him an annoying amount of attention). They haven't said anything to the player or the DM, but they gripe to me about it. When they talk about the character, I really want to bring up the fact that he's offensive, but I just keep quiet and listen instead.

I've been debating for two months to tell anyone, but I'm afraid I'm going to end up being "that guy" who everyone has to be sensitive around. There have been two major arguments in our group because of personal problems I've had with aspects of campaigns. Just to clear the air, I'm really not that sensitive (I have a sex phobia, with sex being the topic of one of the arguments, and the reason why ended up being a big part in the other). Two other players managed to convince the rest of the group that those aspects were in bad taste, but this time they honestly wouldn't understand.

The reason I find this character offensive is that I'm paranoid schizophrenic. The whole group knows it. The reason this girl is playing the character as schizophrenic is just for an excuse for inconsistent characterization. She hasn't bothered to research the disorder, so she's playing to a bunch of horribly inaccurate stereotypes. She's completely romaticized the disorder and uses as an excuse to pick fights with other characters (and not have to take responsibility for his actions).

To complicate things further, another player in the same group had been playing a paranoid schizophrenic and doing it well (he did a lot of research and worked on his characterization). So, I don't want to seem hypocritical or like I'm playing favorites.

The questions come down to: 1) Should I talk to the others?; and 2) How do I approach the subject?
#2
thespaceinvader
Apr 06, 2011 3:42:20 1: yes.

2: carefully.

If this character is bugging you, the player needs to know that.
#3
jetshield
Apr 06, 2011 9:46:27 Ask yourself this: "Would I be as offended/insulted/irritated if someone were playing a horribly stereotyped woman (you can insert several other stereotypes also)."

Think about it, and be honest with yourself about the answer.

Once you've done that, talk to the player and the DM if you still have an issue.
#4
noblesix
Apr 06, 2011 10:28:39 You, your DM, and the other players are all reasonable people, no? Just calmly and politely ask to talk to this player and the DM about this; if the other players feel like they want to be involved in this conversation, give them the option, too. The thing is just to stay level-headed; once they see that you have a problem with it and why, you can all work out a solution that satisfies everyone.
#5
harsgault
Apr 06, 2011 11:41:37 Reading the op finds me reminded of the new famous episode of Community.

"So.. what? Not going to do anything about the walking hate-crime over here?"

The proper way to handle the situation is however to bring it up diplomatically but sternly. This isn't about having a group hug and focusing on our shared humanity. It's about, "Seriously that's inappropriate." If required, you may need to suggest rolling up a new character. Some nice blond female tooth-floss-sling bikini wearing sorceress with magically enhanced. . . you get the idea. That should get your sentiments across if they aren't getting the message. Inappropriate is inappropriate.
#6
mccowen
Apr 07, 2011 10:05:00
The character she's playing is a male schizophrenic...

The reason I find this character offensive is that I'm paranoid schizophrenic. The whole group knows it.

Enough said. She's way out of line, and as spaceinvader said, you absolutely should bring it up. Don't be angry, but be firm.

#7
robertread3
Apr 07, 2011 15:05:03 in games i run, i ask for a character backstory upfront, and its up to the players to decide what it is.

i have gotten everything from a 1 sentance email "mark is a healer from a village on the outskirts of myth drannor" to the 5 page single spaced word doccument detailing the rise and fall of vladimar wolfric firebrand and how his noble house was taken from him

but never have i had someone bring a racially insensitive character into one of my campagins (at least not real world racism, sometimes its ok for your dragonborn to hate teiflings)

your DM should of stamped this character out on the spot and i find it incredably offensive. if one character is making another feel uncomfortable then it is up to the DM to refaree the situation. if i had a player uncomfortable with sex jokes, ill keep it PG-13 if i had a player do this, well they wouldent be my player (or friend) anymore

talk to your DM its his job to make sure everybody is having fun. dont be pissed off and speak using non accusotory words like "jon is a racist" dosent help your cause. use words like "i am uncomfortable when you do this" or "can you please ask him to stop". if you are worried about how the others will preceive you, ask your DM to keep it between you and him/her
#8
Cohen95
Apr 08, 2011 11:08:34
It's often good to, before a game starts, before anybody even writes down a character race/class and backstory, establish things like theme, mood, and tone for the game. It sounds like nobody really thought to do this, and it's a little late to try to retroactively have that conversation.

That being said, just be open and honest, and above all gentle. Talk to your DM, explain your concerns. You have a right to enjoy yourself, and if her character is offending you, it is the job of the entire group to at least discuss this.

As with many things in the game, the best answer is communication.
#9
thomasjtheobald
Apr 09, 2011 8:40:21 I imagine the situation being something like this:

"You know, I've been trying to ignore this, but your inability to figure out what schizophrenia is, despite my sitting three feet away from you, really bugs the **** out of me. If you'd like some advice on how to play it accurately, let's talk. Otherwise, if you don't mind, let's turn that PC over to the local shaman and tell him he's possessed by a demon and needs to be burnt at the stake. Then let's roll up another PC. Preferably one that doesn't sound like a bad re-run of a Jerry Springer show."

Silence falls.

Dice come out, new PC gets rolled up.

T
#10
1red13
Apr 09, 2011 13:56:24
It wouldn't be a bad idea to drop some hints that the characters traits are bugging you. Maybe

"We probably should get this character some help. A drug addict with a mental problem isn't a good mix"

"Maybe we need to get party members that aren't drug addicted, or who have mental problems. You know for our safety and such"

"With her drug and mental problems this character is becoming more of a hassle than a help"

Besides just having an excuse why a character does random things doesn't make other characters want to hang around with them. Never mind putting their life in the hands of someone who does things for no apparent reason.
#11
RedSiegfried
Apr 11, 2011 11:13:09
If you confront the Girl of the group get ready because YOU will become the bad guy. Be prepared for this. I've seen it happen before, several times. The Girl of the group can get away with a lot of stuff that others can't, because she's the Girl. Based on your description of starting fights with other characters I don't think she's doing this innocently. She doesn't sound like a nice girl or someone who means well. She sounds like an attention ****.

I don't think that discussing how you feel about her character and asking her to change it because you find it offensive is unreasonable. Would you be less hesitant to bring it up if it were a guy doing it? Or would you just let it slide if someone else were doing it? Ask yourself that. However, be prepared to become the bad guy if you do this.

My guess would be that this is not just about the schizophrenic character she's playing - she sounds like a pain in the ass and everyone's letting her get away with it because she's the Girl. If you try to put an end to it in a polite way, be prepared to fail. If that happens you could push further and see if you can get her to leave, or just leave the group yourself, or just deal with it and realize that not every group is perfect and sometimes you play with people that you'd rather not, but it's still worth it for the game.

...seriously? Re-read the OP, and pay attention to how he describes the other players' reaction to her (consistently obnoxious) behavior. Then re-examine your own post, with a particular focus on the gender bias and assumptions inherent in your language, your grammar, and your interpretation of the situation.

Here's a hint: this is not a situation where someone is getting away with murder because she's "The Girl" and everyone else is a drooling moron to whom she can do no wrong.

I rest my case. Sorry, your PC-shaming method isn't going to work here. Now I'M the bad guy for pointing out that I think she's not a nice person and you're implying that I have issues with women. Perhaps you should examine your own post with a particular focus on your anti-male bias and assumptions inherent in your language, your grammar(!) and your interpretation of the situation. Or you know, you could just not attack me personally by implying that I'm the one with the problem here for stating my opinion based on my own experiences. Shame on you.
#12
CCS
Apr 11, 2011 13:22:41 Well.... It's pretty simple.

1) Talk to her directly about your issues with her character.
You claim the whole group knows of your problem. Me? I'm betting the new girl doesn't. Or not really.
And if she does? Then why are you letting her mock you?
Either way, it needs to be addressed.

If you're not willing to defend yourself?
2) Then suck it up & grow a thicker skin.
#13
theapokalypseshovel
Apr 11, 2011 17:05:07

It wouldn't be a bad idea to drop some hints that the characters traits are bugging you. Maybe

"We probably should get this character some help. A drug addict with a mental problem isn't a good mix"

"Maybe we need to get party members that aren't drug addicted, or who have mental problems. You know for our safety and such"

"With her drug and mental problems this character is becoming more of a hassle than a help"

Besides just having an excuse why a character does random things doesn't make other characters want to hang around with them. Never mind putting their life in the hands of someone who does things for no apparent reason.

I would highly recommend against using these in-game 'solutions' until the out of game issue is resolved. These would be great ways to explain why the character suddenly changed or as excuses to roll up a new one, but this needs to be resolved OOC first, with discussions with the DM and the player, as well as the group as a whole.

For ghostlyjester, here's how I would approach it:

Calmly and clearly make your case, first to the other players that have supported you in the past. You claim that they wouldn't understand, but I would give them more credit. Most people are aware of negative stereotyping as being hurtful and uncomfortable (there can be exceptions, but it's not relevant here because you are uncomfortable and are being hurt). When you talk to these players, bring up exactly what is making you uncomfortable, especially the fact that it is not that there is a schizophrenic character but that the player isn't playing one but claiming to. See if that seems reasonable to them. They might have other suggestions that could help resolve the situation. Since they already dislike the character, they will probably be willing to support you.

With the practice of explaining your position to a friendly audience, privately contact the DM. Explain your position. Apologize for waiting this long to bring it up, but it is getting to you worse than you thought it would. Bring ideas about how to resolve the situation (educating the player, rolling up a new character, finding a new way to explain the erratic behavior that doesn't stereotype you) and ask for the DMs help in doing so. Ask your DM if he can mediate your explanation to the player. You need to be the one doing it. Then as a group (at least you, the DM and the other player) figure out a solution that will work for everyone.

Best of luck

#14
RedSiegfried
Apr 11, 2011 17:48:59 Based on thirty years of experience playing with many groups, I don't think any confrontation in this situation will end well but if you follow the good advice given here you'll have done the best you can and that's what counts.

To the OP: let us know how this turns out, please. I'm very interested.

Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 ghostlyjester Apr 06, 2011 2:54:04	I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons for awhile now, and our group has a new player. She's a nice girl, and I know she means well, but the situation's a little complicated. The character she's playing is a male schizophrenic (who happens to be black and a drug user, which definitely got some eyes rolling at the table and grumbles of racial insensitivity), and she's doing a poor job of it. The other players find the character kind of annoying, but for some reason the DM loves him (and gives him an annoying amount of attention). They haven't said anything to the player or the DM, but they gripe to me about it. When they talk about the character, I really want to bring up the fact that he's offensive, but I just keep quiet and listen instead. I've been debating for two months to tell anyone, but I'm afraid I'm going to end up being "that guy" who everyone has to be sensitive around. There have been two major arguments in our group because of personal problems I've had with aspects of campaigns. Just to clear the air, I'm really not that sensitive (I have a sex phobia, with sex being the topic of one of the arguments, and the reason why ended up being a big part in the other). Two other players managed to convince the rest of the group that those aspects were in bad taste, but this time they honestly wouldn't understand. The reason I find this character offensive is that I'm paranoid schizophrenic. The whole group knows it. The reason this girl is playing the character as schizophrenic is just for an excuse for inconsistent characterization. She hasn't bothered to research the disorder, so she's playing to a bunch of horribly inaccurate stereotypes. She's completely romaticized the disorder and uses as an excuse to pick fights with other characters (and not have to take responsibility for his actions). To complicate things further, another player in the same group had been playing a paranoid schizophrenic and doing it well (he did a lot of research and worked on his characterization). So, I don't want to seem hypocritical or like I'm playing favorites. The questions come down to: 1) Should I talk to the others?; and 2) How do I approach the subject?
#2 thespaceinvader Apr 06, 2011 3:42:20	1: yes. 2: carefully. If this character is bugging you, the player needs to know that.
#3 jetshield Apr 06, 2011 9:46:27	Ask yourself this: "Would I be as offended/insulted/irritated if someone were playing a horribly stereotyped woman (you can insert several other stereotypes also)." Think about it, and be honest with yourself about the answer. Once you've done that, talk to the player and the DM if you still have an issue.
#4 noblesix Apr 06, 2011 10:28:39	You, your DM, and the other players are all reasonable people, no? Just calmly and politely ask to talk to this player and the DM about this; if the other players feel like they want to be involved in this conversation, give them the option, too. The thing is just to stay level-headed; once they see that you have a problem with it and why, you can all work out a solution that satisfies everyone.
#5 harsgault Apr 06, 2011 11:41:37	Reading the op finds me reminded of the new famous episode of Community. "So.. what? Not going to do anything about the walking hate-crime over here?" The proper way to handle the situation is however to bring it up diplomatically but sternly. This isn't about having a group hug and focusing on our shared humanity. It's about, "Seriously that's inappropriate." If required, you may need to suggest rolling up a new character. Some nice blond female tooth-floss-sling bikini wearing sorceress with magically enhanced. . . you get the idea. That should get your sentiments across if they aren't getting the message. Inappropriate is inappropriate.
#6 mccowen Apr 07, 2011 10:05:00	The character she's playing is a male schizophrenic... The reason I find this character offensive is that I'm paranoid schizophrenic. The whole group knows it. Enough said. She's way out of line, and as spaceinvader said, you absolutely should bring it up. Don't be angry, but be firm.
#7 robertread3 Apr 07, 2011 15:05:03	in games i run, i ask for a character backstory upfront, and its up to the players to decide what it is. i have gotten everything from a 1 sentance email "mark is a healer from a village on the outskirts of myth drannor" to the 5 page single spaced word doccument detailing the rise and fall of vladimar wolfric firebrand and how his noble house was taken from him but never have i had someone bring a racially insensitive character into one of my campagins (at least not real world racism, sometimes its ok for your dragonborn to hate teiflings) your DM should of stamped this character out on the spot and i find it incredably offensive. if one character is making another feel uncomfortable then it is up to the DM to refaree the situation. if i had a player uncomfortable with sex jokes, ill keep it PG-13 if i had a player do this, well they wouldent be my player (or friend) anymore talk to your DM its his job to make sure everybody is having fun. dont be pissed off and speak using non accusotory words like "jon is a racist" dosent help your cause. use words like "i am uncomfortable when you do this" or "can you please ask him to stop". if you are worried about how the others will preceive you, ask your DM to keep it between you and him/her
#8 Cohen95 Apr 08, 2011 11:08:34	It's often good to, before a game starts, before anybody even writes down a character race/class and backstory, establish things like theme, mood, and tone for the game. It sounds like nobody really thought to do this, and it's a little late to try to retroactively have that conversation. That being said, just be open and honest, and above all gentle. Talk to your DM, explain your concerns. You have a right to enjoy yourself, and if her character is offending you, it is the job of the entire group to at least discuss this. As with many things in the game, the best answer is communication.
#9 thomasjtheobald Apr 09, 2011 8:40:21	I imagine the situation being something like this: "You know, I've been trying to ignore this, but your inability to figure out what schizophrenia is, despite my sitting three feet away from you, really bugs the **** out of me. If you'd like some advice on how to play it accurately, let's talk. Otherwise, if you don't mind, let's turn that PC over to the local shaman and tell him he's possessed by a demon and needs to be burnt at the stake. Then let's roll up another PC. Preferably one that doesn't sound like a bad re-run of a Jerry Springer show." Silence falls. Dice come out, new PC gets rolled up. T
#10 1red13 Apr 09, 2011 13:56:24	It wouldn't be a bad idea to drop some hints that the characters traits are bugging you. Maybe "We probably should get this character some help. A drug addict with a mental problem isn't a good mix" "Maybe we need to get party members that aren't drug addicted, or who have mental problems. You know for our safety and such" "With her drug and mental problems this character is becoming more of a hassle than a help" Besides just having an excuse why a character does random things doesn't make other characters want to hang around with them. Never mind putting their life in the hands of someone who does things for no apparent reason.
#11 RedSiegfried Apr 11, 2011 11:13:09	If you confront the Girl of the group get ready because YOU will become the bad guy. Be prepared for this. I've seen it happen before, several times. The Girl of the group can get away with a lot of stuff that others can't, because she's the Girl. Based on your description of starting fights with other characters I don't think she's doing this innocently. She doesn't sound like a nice girl or someone who means well. She sounds like an attention ****. I don't think that discussing how you feel about her character and asking her to change it because you find it offensive is unreasonable. Would you be less hesitant to bring it up if it were a guy doing it? Or would you just let it slide if someone else were doing it? Ask yourself that. However, be prepared to become the bad guy if you do this. My guess would be that this is not just about the schizophrenic character she's playing - she sounds like a pain in the ass and everyone's letting her get away with it because she's the Girl. If you try to put an end to it in a polite way, be prepared to fail. If that happens you could push further and see if you can get her to leave, or just leave the group yourself, or just deal with it and realize that not every group is perfect and sometimes you play with people that you'd rather not, but it's still worth it for the game. ...seriously? Re-read the OP, and pay attention to how he describes the other players' reaction to her (consistently obnoxious) behavior. Then re-examine your own post, with a particular focus on the gender bias and assumptions inherent in your language, your grammar, and your interpretation of the situation. Here's a hint: this is not a situation where someone is getting away with murder because she's "The Girl" and everyone else is a drooling moron to whom she can do no wrong. I rest my case. Sorry, your PC-shaming method isn't going to work here. Now I'M the bad guy for pointing out that I think she's not a nice person and you're implying that I have issues with women. Perhaps you should examine your own post with a particular focus on your anti-male bias and assumptions inherent in your language, your grammar(!) and your interpretation of the situation. Or you know, you could just not attack me personally by implying that I'm the one with the problem here for stating my opinion based on my own experiences. Shame on you.
#12 CCS Apr 11, 2011 13:22:41	Well.... It's pretty simple. 1) Talk to her directly about your issues with her character. You claim the whole group knows of your problem. Me? I'm betting the new girl doesn't. Or not really. And if she does? Then why are you letting her mock you? Either way, it needs to be addressed. If you're not willing to defend yourself? 2) Then suck it up & grow a thicker skin.
#13 theapokalypseshovel Apr 11, 2011 17:05:07	It wouldn't be a bad idea to drop some hints that the characters traits are bugging you. Maybe "We probably should get this character some help. A drug addict with a mental problem isn't a good mix" "Maybe we need to get party members that aren't drug addicted, or who have mental problems. You know for our safety and such" "With her drug and mental problems this character is becoming more of a hassle than a help" Besides just having an excuse why a character does random things doesn't make other characters want to hang around with them. Never mind putting their life in the hands of someone who does things for no apparent reason. I would highly recommend against using these in-game 'solutions' until the out of game issue is resolved. These would be great ways to explain why the character suddenly changed or as excuses to roll up a new one, but this needs to be resolved OOC first, with discussions with the DM and the player, as well as the group as a whole. For ghostlyjester, here's how I would approach it: Calmly and clearly make your case, first to the other players that have supported you in the past. You claim that they wouldn't understand, but I would give them more credit. Most people are aware of negative stereotyping as being hurtful and uncomfortable (there can be exceptions, but it's not relevant here because you are uncomfortable and are being hurt). When you talk to these players, bring up exactly what is making you uncomfortable, especially the fact that it is not that there is a schizophrenic character but that the player isn't playing one but claiming to. See if that seems reasonable to them. They might have other suggestions that could help resolve the situation. Since they already dislike the character, they will probably be willing to support you. With the practice of explaining your position to a friendly audience, privately contact the DM. Explain your position. Apologize for waiting this long to bring it up, but it is getting to you worse than you thought it would. Bring ideas about how to resolve the situation (educating the player, rolling up a new character, finding a new way to explain the erratic behavior that doesn't stereotype you) and ask for the DMs help in doing so. Ask your DM if he can mediate your explanation to the player. You need to be the one doing it. Then as a group (at least you, the DM and the other player) figure out a solution that will work for everyone. Best of luck
#14 RedSiegfried Apr 11, 2011 17:48:59	Based on thirty years of experience playing with many groups, I don't think any confrontation in this situation will end well but if you follow the good advice given here you'll have done the best you can and that's what counts. To the OP: let us know how this turns out, please. I'm very interested.