He's a player now, another person is GMing, but I think he's still angry with me.
So... did I do right? Is there some other tactic I could have used? How can I make up?
Just make an effort to apologize for being as harsh about it as you were, but say it needed to be done. (who cares if you were harsh or not in reality).
If the apology is accepted then and there, great.
If accepte later on (like months later, as in they get over it) great.
If not, they probably wern't worth hanging out with.
I've fallen out with the GM. You see I wasn't enjoying the game, it was too long-winded, pretty much just combat rounds going on and one every week. Some of the other players felt the same way, so I felt I had to bite the bullet and tell him - not to be malicious, just to make him aware so that we might all get a better game. Only he was really angry. REALLY.
He's a player now, another person is GMing, but I think he's still angry with me.
So... did I do right? Is there some other tactic I could have used? How can I make up?
Was combat too long because of the DM or did the PCs contribute to it. If the DM tossed a lot of RP in to combat and players reacted then at least someone wanted it. If this is the case then it wasn't the DM's fault for long winded descriptions because he was encouraged. If this is not the case then the person probably need to grow up a bit. Try to be a bit nicer and make sure that they understand. Don't just apologize once but instead by nice for a while so that they know that you felt bad.
Talking isn't a common skill anymore (perhaps never was) and people sometimes don't know how to use it, and often don't know how to recieve it (whether it be praise, criticism, an argument, etc). Criticism in particular is an issue as you can see, for example, on these boards.
Don't give the issue more "power" than it rightfully diserves. If you keep bringing it up, walking on egg shells, or backing down/getting defensive every time something unrelated to the issue occures.. you'll only let it linger, and at the worst, encourage it to grow.
Play the game. Have a good time and move on. If there is a new issue, address it as a new one. Leave the next step in his court. (If there even needs to be one.)
We wanted him to do it in précis.
The campaign was supposed to run for a month. It ran for 7.
But it's over now and I'd like to draw a line under it and get back posative relations.
As Medhia_Nox said 'talking isn't a common skill anymore' and I'm not entirely convinced I handled it the right way. I think I was right to speak out, but what I said or how I said it may well have been wrong. I'm rather a shy person and hate confrontation, so it was difficult for me. I have a feeling he might have issues outside the game which I was unaware of, but something I said struck a cord I never intended to hit. I can't get to the bottom of it though because he's either 'la-di-da' ignoring me or defensive and confrontational.
Being nice is always the right thing to do though, right?
Being nice is always the right thing to do though, right?
In an ideal world, yes. But just by continuing to bring it up you may be frustrating him more. He might in time be able to admit to himself that he wasn't running that great a game and that you were right to say so. He might admit it to himself NOW but just doesn't want to admit it openly to anyone ELSE.
You've handed him your olive branch. If he slaps it away then you've done all that should be expected of you and the rest is NOT your problem - it's his. Just let it go for now. If he wants to talk about it then he'll do so when he's ready.
The first rule is to COMMUNICATE. But you can't converse with a wall. Set the example, take the high road, etc. Treat the player normally and pretend the incident never took place.
You can't control what other people think of you. So as long as you've done what you thought was right there is little else you can do. If you've apologized as much as you've deemed appropriate and the other person is still carrying around some anger about it, let them. You can burn up a lot of energy worrying about someone else and most often you won't get that same sentiment returned. You can only do what
(Must also not give in to the evil temptation of player vengence sitting on my sholder telling me "You're the healer and you don't have to heal his character.")
I would suggest being nice to him, for what will appear to him to be, for no reason. Maybe the niceness will rub off on him and you can both be nice to one another again.
I've fallen out with the GM. You see I wasn't enjoying the game, it was too long-winded, pretty much just combat rounds going on and one every week. Some of the other players felt the same way, so I felt I had to bite the bullet and tell him - not to be malicious, just to make him aware so that we might all get a better game. Only he was really angry. REALLY.
He's a player now, another person is GMing, but I think he's still angry with me.
So... did I do right? Is there some other tactic I could have used? How can I make up?
Convince everyone else in the party to attack his character in-game. Kill him and desecrate his body so he can't be rezzed. Make sure nobody has any extra character sheets.
But really, do something nice for his character in-game, like buy him a shiny sword with your share of the loot. At the very least he'll feel guilty for being mad at you.
Convince everyone else in the party to attack his character in-game. Kill him and desecrate his body so he can't be rezzed. Make sure nobody has any extra character sheets.
But really, do something nice for his character in-game, like buy him a shiny sword with your share of the loot. At the very least he'll feel guilty for being mad at you.
No. Bad. Unless it's totally in character and his character likes to randomly buy gifts with loot money and give it to his party mates (which is really cool, I should think of a character with that quirk,) it may seem out of the blue and iffy and suspicious. ...(Random tangent, another thought in my head, buying a character that you don't like a nice piece of a equipment with a bad enchantment, heehee.) I still say you should get him something nice OUT of game, like a nice set of dice or something, just because. Or because you saw them and thought he'd like them. Or some random thing like that.
(Nightmare_Scenario: Sorry if it sounded like I was being harsh, it was a good idea, I'm just a stickler for sticking to your character's personality.)
I still say you should get him something nice OUT of game, like a nice set of dice or something, just because. Or because you saw them and thought he'd like them. Or some random thing like that.
Good idea. You could also do other sort of things to. If you bring food (for everyone) to the game then you can pass it out and give it to him first or give him a little bit more than the others.
I still say you should get him something nice OUT of game, like a nice set of dice or something, just because. Or because you saw them and thought he'd like them. Or some random thing like that.
Good idea. You could also do other sort of things to. If you bring food (for everyone) to the game then you can pass it out and give it to him first or give him a little bit more than the others.
No. PLAY NO FAVORITES and PAY NO BRIBES. An apology has been offered even though (by the OP's account) all that happened was he was given an honest opinion in as polite a manner as possible and offense was taken anyway. If the apology is actually not accepted then communication has failed and it isn't going to help either party to continue to push the issue. When the issue is brought up again he either childishly ignores the effort or gets openly antagonistic. If there is no other actual fallout from the incident being manifested at this point except possibly a cold shoulder then let it drop. Allow for the possibility that given time he'll get past it. The only thing you'd likely manage by falling all over yourself to please this person at this point is to demonstrate a horrible degree of your own insecurity.
You shouldn't need to bribe people to get them to admit to themselves that you're in the right or to make them like you.
In terms interacting out of character I'm not sure exactly how much I should bend to him. The thing is, being pretty aggressive in general, I'm afraid this might lead him to bullying. On one occassion he did 'go off' at one of our most innoffensive players.
I guess I'm a little stuck between fixing the current problem and potentially causing a greater one.
Anyway, be the adult and break the ice somehow. If he wants to keep this going after that then its on him.
No. PLAY NO FAVORITES and PAY NO BRIBES. An apology has been offered even though (by the OP's account) all that happened was he was given an honest opinion in as polite a manner as possible and offense was taken anyway. If the apology is actually not accepted then communication has failed and it isn't going to help either party to continue to push the issue. When the issue is brought up again he either childishly ignores the effort or gets openly antagonistic. If there is no other actual fallout from the incident being manifested at this point except possibly a cold shoulder then let it drop. Allow for the possibility that given time he'll get past it. The only thing you'd likely manage by falling all over yourself to please this person at this point is to demonstrate a horrible degree of your own insecurity.
You shouldn't need to bribe people to get them to admit to themselves that you're in the right or to make them like you.
I didn't say bring up the issue, just be a little nicer than usual is all to make him soften up, forget the past, and let him know OP still likes him. I mean, it's obvious OP still cares for his friend, but he may be too blind to see it so a little something physical and tangible might help. It might not be the best thing, as I don't know the person, I'm just trying to think of options at this point.
I didn't say bring up the issue, just be a little nicer than usual is all to make him soften up, forget the past, and let him know OP still likes him. I mean, it's obvious OP still cares for his friend, but he may be too blind to see it so a little something physical and tangible might help. It might not be the best thing, as I don't know the person, I'm just trying to think of options at this point.
I think that the OP is a woman, but that isn't the important thing. I, like you, wasn't suggesting that the old problem be brought back up, but rather that good cheerful things should be done to cheer everyone up.
Oo perhaps *HUGS* are the answer!
Group hug or everyone gets their own individual hug?
And how dare you criticize me? I'll put your whole family up for adoption! *throws carcinogens @ dfly*
You criticized their DMing prowess.
You must find ways to point out (naturally and in context) ways that they were a good DM ("Remember when ...., that was cool!"). If you can't find ways that they were a good DM, then there isn't much you can really do.
That is, of course, assuming you handled it well and privately. If so, no apology is necessary and any attempts at an apology will likely be seen as condescending and may only make matters worse.
(On the other hand, if you handled it badly or called him on his DMing in public an apology may well be due. Not for what was said but for how it was said.)
Carl
The thing is, being pretty aggressive in general, I'm afraid this might lead him to bullying. On one occassion he did 'go off' at one of our most innoffensive players
This is what I mean when I say don't appologize. If he acts like a baby when he doesn't get his own way, then that's his problem. It is not acceptable that he act out, "go off" or bully in any way, and it should never be stood for or tolorated.
I don't mean that you should be a jerk to him, or actively cause problems. But that you should draw the line in the sand and hold your ground. Drop the issue and play your character as is. If he grows up , then that's fine, if he steps out of line then call him out for it.
The basic reason I say this is because if he is going to make this a big problem for what you've done, then he is going to make it a big problem noi matter how much you grovel and suck up to him. In fact he is more likely to make it an issue because he will think that he will get even more groveling and sucking up for the bigger an issue he makes of it. This is very much a "push the button and you get a cookie" scenerio, if you don't want him to keep pushing the button then try having it shock him whenever he presses the button
A nice hot cup of, "hey man, shut the **** up." is what is needed here towards the bully.
He's used to getting his way, and being intimidating.
Most bullies are that way, because they've been conditioned to be, and rewarded for it, and people cower to them.
coddling the bully doesn't solve the problem, which is his behavior, it placates him.
Don't be Neville Chamberlain.
Group hug or everyone gets their own individual hug?
Individual hugs, the only kind really possible given our space issues, to every single member of the group. Also chocolate and herbal tea as backup just in case a mood enhancer is required.
And if he reacts in an openly aggressive way then I should be prepared to hang it all and say "Get the hell outta my house!" Because you're right, I haven't done anything to deserve that so I shouldn't put up with it.
And how dare you criticize me? I'll put your whole family up for adoption! *throws carcinogens @ dfly*
*fly-dodge* How dare you attack a woman! *throws PMS at N_S*
amuletts, I think you've got it pretty much figured out. I'm hoping the best for you. And is he really bully-ish? And he was a friend?
If the game is in your house and he still is being a jerk, especially if he becomes more of a jerk, then by all means kick him the hell out. The fact that you are letting him come into your house after the falling out between the two of you should be enough to show that you don't want to hold a grudge.
It doesn't even seem right to call it a falling out, if one of my players did something like that it wouldn't even be an issue, I'd be more annoyed if they didn't say anything. I want everyone at the table to have fun, not just me...if I'm doing something as a dm they don't find as enjoyable as I do then tell me and we can work around it, otherwise I'd say I'm failing at doing my job as the dm.
It doesn't even seem right to call it a falling out, if one of my players did something like that it wouldn't even be an issue, I'd be more annoyed if they didn't say anything. I want everyone at the table to have fun, not just me...if I'm doing something as a dm they don't find as enjoyable as I do then tell me and we can work around it, otherwise I'd say I'm failing at doing my job as the dm.
As a DM I like my players to give me input on how I'm doing no matter if it is good or bad. The guy in question here seems to be holding a grudge because he got some negative criticism.
Individual hugs, the only kind really possible given our space issues, to every single member of the group. Also chocolate and herbal tea as backup just in case a mood enhancer is required.
And if he reacts in an openly aggressive way then I should be prepared to hang it all and say "Get the hell outta my house!" Because you're right, I haven't done anything to deserve that so I shouldn't put up with it.
That's probably the best, carrot in one hand, stick in the other. Just leave the door open if he get's kicked out, "don't come back until you can play nice", after missing a session or two he may smart up.
I'm glad it went well.
We had a session last night. There was a touch of awkwardness about 20 minutes in, but I dealt with it via the 'Eat chocolate and don't let it get to you' method. After that everything went fine
Did you politely give him chocolate to eat or did you ram it down his throat? Both result in the eating in chocolate, however there is a subtle difference in approach that can make a difference.