Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 wizzzzzard Apr 26, 2010 13:20:03	Howdy folks.  I've got a little problem, that I thought I could get some opinions on, and maybe some ideas.  This is going to take some time to set up, so bear with me. I participate in a large group of D&D players.  We had roughly 19 regulars last spring.  We were happily playing LFR events, running 3 tables every friday night, taking turns being DM, and mixing and matching the different players so everyone got to play with everyone else. It was fun, but there something missing:  a campaign. Everybody wanted to play in one, but no one had the time, energy, or resources to devote to being a full time DM to run one. By summer, we lost a few people who did not enjoy 4e, and real life issues such as work, took another 1 or two away.  Now down to 16, we could only support 2 tables regularly, as many people took time away for vacations and such.   It worked, but we were on life support. By fall, 1 guy deicded that he was able to begin on working on a 4e homwbrew campaign.  He wisely decided that a group of 15 was too much for him to handle.   But how to decide who to pick, and who to leave out of his home game?  He consulted his girlfriend, and his father, and elected to choose those whom he gamed with when he was first introduced to D&D before he went off to college.  Included is myself among them.  He picked 6 of those 15, and only his girlfriend had not been part of his original group. Of the remaining 9, one left when he wasn't selected to be in the campaign.  He was there primarily to play with his elder brother, who was selected to be in the home game. When he was not, he left the other group, with the understanding that if he could not play with his brother, he would not play at all.  He was polite about it, and even his brother understood. So now this other group of 8 was left to thier own resources.  What to do?  One of them stood up, and volunteered to run a home campaign of his own.  It was a short-term solution as many of the players did not enjoy the game, and by Christmas it was agreed they would return to LFR and rotate amonst themselves for DM duty. Fast forward to now.  Group A's home game is going smoothly.  One player left our group after a misunderstanding, and a group B player asked to fill the hole.   Group A was now 8, and group B was 7.   Group B has thier niches, and while they are not running a 'home campaign' they have a workable arrangement that keeps everyone happy, and gaming. Now, I come to the crux of my problem.  My wife has recently taken a new job, where works 3rd shift, from 10pm to 7 am, incliding Friday night into Saturday morning.  Friday sessions frequently run to 1 or 2 am. I have 3 children under the age of 12, 2 of whom are special needs. Thus, I must take an official hiatus from the home game.  My wife plans to get onto a day shift job come September, for another company she works for, but for now she's agreed to keep working part time for them on Saturdays until then.  Yes folks, my superwoman wife is going to work 10pm to 7am, Monday thorugh Saturday, for next 4 months.  Let's hear it for her! So, my situation is this. I'd like to keep playing D&D.   What do I do? I can not ask the home group to play at my house.  Two of the players are the manager and employee of my FLGS where we actually play.  If I did this, then group B would have to find  a new place to play. I  can not do that to them, as many of them are still close friends.  The manager also keeps the store open for Warhmmer players who are there almost every friday as well. I have cleared playing at my home with my wife.  She'll be leaving our home most nights around 9 :30, so I won't be disrupting her sleep schedule too much. I see my options as follows: 1: Do nothing for the next 4 months until I can rejoin the home game.  I'm starting with this as my base position.  While it is my least farvorite option, it is the least disruptive for everyone. 2:  Invite/find some new players to play LFR, or a short term campaign at my house.  This is also something I've kicked around, but not very keen on.  Once my wife does get the day shift position, I will want to return to the home game at my FLGS.  I'd end up leaving these guys in the lurch, and I really, really don't want to do that.  It's not fair. I'd be better off pursuing option #1 rather than this one. 3: Offer to be a permanent DM to group B, for the next 4 months, hosting these games in my home.  I would run LFR mods, or a short-term home game (thier choice), or something of thier choosing, until I could rejoin group A.  I am afraid to disrupt thier workings as they seem to have thier group functioning effectively.  I do know that not everyone is happy with the rotating DM schedule. My offer would get them off that for 4 months.  They would all get to play for a change. (LFR mods would require some finagling to pull off, but that's an issue for later.)  I know this would appeal to at least 4 of the 7 people.  These 4 would love to play a game under my DM'ing, but I do not wish to alienate the other 3 folks as well. So, what do I do? Is there another option I could pursue?  Something I'm not seeing?  Is my offering as full-time to DM the best operative choice for now?  Espcially as they are not doing much more than LFR modules right now. I don't have a lot of time on this, as my wife starts her job tonight.  Group B is only down to 5 players this week, as some RL stuff came up for two of them.  I offered to DM an LFR mod for them this week claiming I had some RL stuff preventing my being able to be at my regular table this week.  Most of them jumped at the chance to NOT have to DM. So, please leave your thougths, and ideas.  I'm kinda torn on what to do, and not able to come up with any other ideas right now. Thanks!
#2 brassbaboon Apr 26, 2010 22:58:51	I'm afraid you may not get much response, this is a little overwhelming and personal for people to offer advice. I think you'll most likely have to work this out on your own. My only advice would be to make sure that you are truly being as attentive as possible to your children. I have a special needs child myself, and I know that I had to make sacrifices due to life priorities, and one of those sacrifices at the time was gaming.
#3 kouk Apr 27, 2010 8:40:35	Don't worry about the other people, they're adults too with their own situations. I would take time off entirely as a sign of solidarity with your wife. Whatever she may have said, most people don't really want a bunch of sweaty near-strangers coming to their house, where they have young children or even just pets (or valuables, or some degree of cleanliness and oderlessness). I also don't think it would help any for her to come home several times to that after a long night shift -- the occasional game going overtime with people still there -- when she'll be tired and likely grouchy and sensitive to any perceivable problems (as most people would be). And if there are chores left undone, dogs to walk, diapers to change ... etc. For a period expected for only four months, it might go over better if you appear to spend more time with the kids, do other helpful things or at least appear to suffer "with her." You can think about some future campaign you might run, get in some online games perhaps, read some books, or start a quiet and discreet hobby in the meantime. --------------------- "Hi honey. I've just spent nine hours working graveyard, my boss is a *****, they give me all this extra stuff to do that I'm not getting paid for, and I just want to go to sleep now. How are you and the kids?" "This dragon almost TPK'd the group, but Steve and Bob both burned action points and dailies and they managed to win." ----------------------
#4 Krusk Apr 27, 2010 10:15:33	I think I personally would take a little hiatus. That said, if you are really into it, I would look into some form of online play by post or email game.
#5 wizzzzzard Apr 27, 2010 10:17:45	brassbaboon: I figured I had to try.  My son, 11, is a high functioning austic-scale (think aspbergers), and is beginning to become interested in D&D.  My daughter is 7, and despite her wild ways, she's the normal one of the bunch.  She's even more interested in D&D than her brother, but I promised my wife years ago (before we had them), that I would not teach the game to the children until they were at least 10, the age I learned to play it. My foster son is 6, with ADHD.  He's going to leave our home to be adopted at the end of June or whenever the school year ends.  He has no interest in the game. Kouk: A few points to alleviate some concerns. My wife has given her approval of the game, should people desire to attend it.  The people that would be coming are known by her, and one is even a cousin by marriage.  Two have baby sat our children before. While not friends of hers, they are acquaintences, and relatives.  She will be working 10pm to 7 am.  If we are gaming that late, that''s a bad sign. :-)  The's a slightly greater danger of waking her up before she needs to go to work, but of this bunch,  the kids are more likely to wake her than my gang.   My kids are past diaper age.  Thank goodness!  My son is starting to become interested in D&D.  This would be a good way to get him into it, while continuing to play.  My daughter is also interested, but as I mentioned above to brassbaboon, I will not teach her yet.  That doesn't mean she can't observe, and ask questions.  If she happens to learn some things, so be it.  Right now, she just loves playing with the colored dice, and little figurines. *** In all honesty, I expect to get shot down from Group B, if I make the 'permanent DM' proposal.  They have a system that's working for them, so why change it? I have thought of another solution, which sort of combines 1 & 3.  Inform them all of my situation, which I have already done for those in my group, privately.  Then offer to be a DM for group B, any night they need one, or want one, so long as they are willing to come to my house, and play there.  I will run any LFR mod of thier choosing, so long as I'm given a day to prepare for it.  If they want to run something else, that's fine, I just need time to prepare for it. This could work as RL sometimes causes too many of them to miss a game at the same time, and then they can't play that week, as they don't have enough to support a table.  I can then be the DM, and 4 of them can seat a session.  Of if someone is really hot to DM, then I can be a player.  I have PC's for every tier except 14-17. :-) So maybe that's what I'll do, and see how often they take me up on the offer.
#6 nikitadarkstar Apr 27, 2010 12:38:32	Ofcourse you know your wife best, but just because someone gives their approval doesn't mean they like it and wouldn't prefer if you didn't do it. (Just food for thought I suppose.) But honestly it already seems you've made up your mind about DM'ing at your place in one way or another so why ask us about it? Personally I have to go with the "it's only four months, take a break." suggestion, but well you're looking for some way to be able to play no matter what and is set on that, so do it.
#7 brassbaboon Apr 27, 2010 14:43:02	wizzz I know all about high functioning autism, that's what my son has. In very similar situation to yours, I took the hiatus. Yes it ended up being a lot longer hiatus than I expected, but I don't regret it. In my case my wife was also "fine with it" but she really wasn't. Dealing with high functioning autism can be a heavy load to bear. All I can say is "good luck."
#8 wizzzzzard Apr 27, 2010 14:49:03	Ofcourse you know your wife best, but just because someone gives their approval doesn't mean they like it and wouldn't prefer if you didn't do it. (Just food for thought I suppose.) But honestly it already seems you've made up your mind about DM'ing at your place in one way or another so why ask us about it? Personally I have to go with the "it's only four months, take a break." suggestion, but well you're looking for some way to be able to play no matter what and is set on that, so do it. Of course I am! :-)  I wouldn't be where I am today without trying to finagle some way to game, during this time.    What I am wondering about is, is there another way to do it?   So far the few opinions are that I should stop in deference to my wife.  She's the one who encouraged me to play at the house in the first place.   She said 'invite them over here to play.'  She doesn't play D&D herself, but understands the enjoyment I get out of it. I can't invite the group I play with, becuase then the store would have to close down to the other group of players, and the Warhammer players.  I explained that to her, and she agreed that it would be too disruptive to the others. But the message here is strong.  Forget it, and stay home.  I get that.  I can't ask my wife any further on this, becuase she'll tell me the answer I want to hear.  I guess it's a break for me.  Ah, well...
#9 wizzzzzard Apr 27, 2010 15:02:53	wizzz I know all about high functioning autism, that's what my son has. In very similar situation to yours, I took the hiatus. Yes it ended up being a lot longer hiatus than I expected, but I don't regret it. In my case my wife was also "fine with it" but she really wasn't. Dealing with high functioning autism can be a heavy load to bear. All I can say is "good luck." I wish you luck too in your situation.  My son is actually pretty good, all things considered.   He gets a little too overloaded some times, as his biggest issue, is that he can't seem to filter out background noise.    Too much auditory stimuli, and he shuts down. I mentioned in my earlier note, that my wife gave her approval, but I think I'm just not going to bother.  Maybe when I drop the news, the gang will come up with an idea.  If I push the matter, I can make them drop it, but I know I won't be motivated to do that.  I was thinking I needed to take the initiative, but maybe the groups themselves will come up with something.
#10 kouk Apr 28, 2010 4:05:45	Take her out one night and get her to have a few drinks, and then ask her again. Ask like 5 times. Of course, we might all just be paranoid males here ...
#11 wizzzzzard Apr 28, 2010 10:58:26	If we drank, this might be easy.   :-) As it stands we're both teatotallers.  Myself from an allergy to grain based alchohol, and my wife from simply not liking it. I am going to present my situation to the groups, and explain that I will be taking a hiatus, until mid-September.  I'll put out that I can game from my home, or run LFR events there, but I can't leave, or disrupt my wife's sleeping schedule.  If something comes of it, then so be it.
#12 tsukinousagi Apr 30, 2010 19:56:35	Sheeeit sometimes people need to be told, it's just a damn game. I stepped out of a perfectly good weekend game for a few months all because the time slot was not working for me. I'm 48, not 14, and staying up past 10 is often real work. I was finding my mental faculties were split 50 50 half on the game, half just trying to stay awake. I thought the group deserved a player that was actually awake and functional, so I decided to quit. I was actually quitting. But the DM made it plain the group wanted me back, and some of the power gamers had left and thus it wasn't so vital that I played a text book grade skillful player past 10 (we usually game till 12-1). So I elected to return. You need to be able to game when you want, if you want. You need to stop regarding the game as an obligation. It's just a damn game. If your absence puts gamers out of a location, fine, let them find a new one.
#13 wizzzzzard May 05, 2010 11:05:17	Well, here's what happened.  Due to some absences, most of group B could not play on Friday.  I invited the 4 that were available to my house, and we played an LFR mod. I proposed that anytime they don't have enough players to seat a table at the store, to call me, and I will be able to run an LFR mod at my house that I have ready.  I told them I will do my best to have 1 of each level tier except 14-17 ready to run at a moment's notice, should they need my services. It is convienient that I live only 10=15 minutes from my FLGS.  The home brew game is going to have my character leave, as they are about to join a war, that my character wants to skip.  So, that solves that issue.  I suspect I will get taken up on the offer more often than not, but we'll see.
#14 TelinArtho May 06, 2010 14:55:41	Personally, and yes I have a vested interested in it, I would check out some online gaming. Play by post is a lot slower than table top in general, but works really well for those who have access to a computer but who might not be able to get out of the house for regular gaming sessions for one reason or another. For years - my wife was working as a bartender on most weekend nights so it would be difficult to get a session in since we had young children at home. I have links to several PbP groups in my sig if you are interested in trying it out.