She wasn't this loathe to harm us until a few months ago in a practise session when a massively problematic player wrecked her dungeon and shattered her confidence. The player has since had her invitation to the house we play at retracted for a variety of reasons, but the damage has been done, and our budding DM now seems unable to do anything which she feels would make the players dislike her, or which would harm their characters. We've tried combining compliments and encouragement with constructive suggestions on how her adventures could be improved, but to no avail.
Any suggestions on how we might help our DM get better or increase her confidence?
But, still regular failure should be sufficient, yeah ... you might want to let her take a break from DMing and return to playing for a while, so she can feel the 'player's challenge' again. Outside of talking to her and encouraging, other than giving it time to sink in (and it might not), that's all I can think of.
You can tell her that she is a superb DM and you all really like her style. You can empathize with her feeling a bit shaken after having a jerk player but that it was the player and not her that was the problem.
You can also reinforce to her that your group is looking forward to getting back to the challenging but rewarding game style she presented to your group before said jerk player.
That should help her a bit. From there its a matter of positive reinforcement. After a challenging encounter let her know that it was fun and exactly what the group was looking for. If the encounters aren't challenging enough, let her know that your group can handle some tougher encounters if she wants to up the threat level a bit.
Good communication is the key here.
Hope this helps
-K-
You could attempt one of the creative solutions we used in college when we found that running a group of 12-14 players was getting a touch rough to manage for a single DM. The Co-DM team. Have your friend be responsible for the story and NPC role play functions of the DM, while another DM takes over the primary mechanical and tactical functions of the job. My friend Sam and I used this approach to great success even being able to successfully split the party without loosing the players from being "sidelined" as the action happened. As long as the two DMs share a common understanding of their roles and purposes, this can be a very effective way to manage the daunting task facing a DM.
I suggest if you have enough players/experienced DMs available this solution might help your problem.
I hope this helps.
Then add that you want more danger; tell her not to pull any punches, you want the sleeping dragon to wake up and kick some ass!
She probably is instinctively trying not to have anything 'Bad' happen to the characters. Have to break that habit
Bill4747, you sum up the problem perfectly, the issue is last time something bad happened to a character on her campaign, the unlucky player threw a massive hissy fit and generally made everyone's lives a misery till she was blag-res'd and the other characters on that adventure were retired. She took a break from DMing after that (as Salla suggested) and has spent the last few weeks trying to 'get back on the horse' but if anything she's getting more timid as time goes on.
If not, then find a new DM.
We have a new DM and she has a lot of imagination, is a great story teller, and comes up with really original and interesting encounters. However, she is also painfully shy and scared to put the party under any threat. For example, we were in a cave with two sleeping dragons, and two of us rolled crit fails on our stealth checks, instantly fell prone (CLANK!) and roleplayed being as unstealthy as possible...but nothing happened. The dragons kept sleeping, and we just felt vaguely foolish. I also rolled 3 crit fail heal checks in a row and suggested that something horrible must have happened to the NPC I was attempting to heal by that point, but no. This is making for adventures which are totally lacking in any sense of threat or tension, which is frustrating.
She wasn't this loathe to harm us until a few months ago in a practise session when a massively problematic player wrecked her dungeon and shattered her confidence. The player has since had her invitation to the house we play at retracted for a variety of reasons, but the damage has been done, and our budding DM now seems unable to do anything which she feels would make the players dislike her, or which would harm their characters. We've tried combining compliments and encouragement with constructive suggestions on how her adventures could be improved, but to no avail.
Any suggestions on how we might help our DM get better or increase her confidence?
Talk about it with her. Tell her what you like about her DMing. Tell her what you liked about her games before the incident too. Then, approach the issue, and tell her that it's okay, but you'd really like to have the good ol' DM back, that you like the risk of getting killed in the dungeon, and all. Maybe she'll open to you and tell you what her problem is. Then listen.
If that comes back to that problematic player you just talked about, make a point of showing her that you, and your friends you're both playing with, are not like that. If possible at all, have the other players actually participate in the conversation, so they can add to your feedback, and make her feel good about herself again.
Concentrate on the positive rather than the problems. Tell her what you like, and that you want more of it. That you believe she totally can do it, since she did it before. Support her. Don't be condescending or bossy. Don't point the finger at her accusingly. Rather build on the group spirit, that you all share the play experience, and that no problem ever has no solution. You'll make it through together. Make her feel that she totally can do it. Build up her spirits towards that goal.
Good luck!
I would think the first step is to tell her directly that you really enjoy her games, and the story.
Then add that you want more danger; tell her not to pull any punches, you want the sleeping dragon to wake up and kick some ass!
She probably is instinctively trying not to have anything 'Bad' happen to the characters. Have to break that habit
Definitely tell her that she's a great DM but that she doesn't need to worry about upsetting anyone by injuring characters.
Hopefully she's stop worrying about hurting characters.
Scary DM=
= players 
= DM 
= Players 
Just to throw in a little inspiration, point out the events in the stories and films we all love: at some point, the bad guys beat the tar out of the heroes, or come close; then the good guys come back for the win. If it's just the good guys winning, it's going to be boring. As one of my fellow GMs puts it, the fights you really remember are the ones where you were sure you were gonna lose, but pulled it out anyway. It's what people want - to feel challenged, to have that savor of victory in spite of the odds.
The other thing that makes for delightful RPG memories are the times that you turn failure into triumph, either by correcting the error or 'switching to plan B' - in other words, things go wrong, but you win anyway. In order for that to happen, the GM needs to let failure be failure sometimes. It forces the players to think, and brings out the creativity and personality of any player character.
All this is not to say that you want to push her to be a killer GM, but it might help in convincing her to do a little more 'let the dice fall where they may' and make failure a real possibility. The goal, after all, is neither a TPK nor a cakewalk; it's to make the players feel challenged and triumphant when they finally do win.